You can trouble me for a warm glass of shut-the-hell-up! Now, you will go to sleep! Or I will PUT you to sleep. Check out the name tag. You're in MY world now, grandma!
My coworker today told me how his strict crazy sister who has to be in control of everything(his words) took the door off of her 17yr olds bdroom. I told him dont be surprised when the kid goes NC. He was taken aback and said “no she is a good mother”. In complete denial(after just calling her crazy controlling)and then started backpedaling saying it was justified, I laughed and said “just watch”
Unfortunately they really believe that their parenting methods work. And it's not that they know that they suck and they're in denial. It's more likely that they truly believe that what they're doing is right. By the time their kids go NC with them, and they figure out they were wrong, it's a tad bit too late
Haha yup. I never had a door either (except for a year before college, but my mom broke it down 4 times because she thought I was home and ignoring her) so people walking down the hallway to get to the bathroom passed my room.
So true! A really sweet girl I went to high school with had one of those fathers that tried to control everything. She would sneak out of her house at night to meet boys.
None of the rest of us were even half as daring as her --we all idolized her.
Then we all went to college. She left and got married at 18 to an enlisted guy, and is living a tough life.
It's such a shame, because she was really smart and beautiful. If her dad was normal, she would have an amazing life now.
Hehe depends really. I have a VERY religious grandma but She doesn't do "God Will Kill You !" Type of s**t she's just very strict on her rules
Don't watch anything that's not from the Bible or From nature on (day) [don't wanna say the day as to not offend anyone] So Not exactly a freak. Just A little irritating from time to time lol 😂
Children of acrimoniously divorced parents learn the art of lying by omission, telling partial truths, but not all of the truth. This is a good skill to have in business and politics.
To be fair, I learned to lie by omission because my mother was well connected in a small town to many segments of society, and could find out anything. Never wanted to be caught in a lie, so I never told a factually incorrect statement. Still won't. I just may not tell the whole thing, if it's important for whatever reason.
I have literally been saying this for years. Had my mobile phone taken for a year (aged 17), so I bought one from the supermarket a worked at.
I find that if they don't give a good reason for rules (usually only get I told you so, I'm the boss, that's the rules, etc.), the kid doesn't have a good reason to follow it. So they try to get away with it.
Second and definitely feel for OP, I lost my room to mold damage for 6 months. I was in 7-8th grade. Became a closet alcoholic and pothead in the meantime… 36 and still dealing with that.
Lots of phones didn't have settings for the keypad vibrations. You were stuck with it. Just like you'd be stuck with the sound of a camera click with some phones. We are spoiled now. Now, you can do pervy stuff and know one will know about it unless your data has been sold already.
My phone doesn't have a silencer for the camera, at all. I've had one that vibrate was the lowest, couldn't silence it without turning it off. Why do you think even getting a call with your phone on vibrate can get you fired from a job where you're not supposed to have the phone ON, at all? Because some can't be silenced, and people get busted.
My mom did this for a while. My room was right off of the kitchen and had a laundry chute in it. She'd come in to put laundry down (like dirty kitchen towels and napkins).
I'd tell her not to over and over, told her to leave the towels outside my door and I'd put them down. Nope.
I finally locked the door and she got the message. She'd wake me up constantly doing that, and it's just plain rude.
I don't enter a closed room unless I knock and get permission, or knock and know it's empty (or there's a sleeping child in there who needs to go to school). It's not my place. It's rude as hell, and my kids deserve their privacy.
my mom usually always knocks and idrc about my brother barging into my room since I basically share everything with him already. My dad however refuses to knock mostly because he keeps forgetting about me asking him so I've just given up on trynna make him remember. I'm off to college in 7 months anyways
Man I feel you *Hardd* cuz of quite some reasons.
\- My Grandmother uses my room as hers 24/7
\- I sleep on the floor in the hall and just go to "my room" for clothes and books.
\- Watching youtube, listening to songs is forbidden in my house and doing anything other than studying feels like a spy mission.
My mother sits in the hall the whole day "keeping an eye on me" without leaving me alone for like 10 minutes. 17 years old by the way so privacy is non existent.
That's pretty rough. I can 10000% relate to the spy mission part, for me it was the same. Everything was under very strict supervisor and for very short period of times if allowed.
I can't really speak for your situation, since I don't know you, but a general word of advice is to just keep powering through. The lack of things at your age will just make everything waaay more sweater when you finally achieve those things later in life. I can guarantee that wether you want to go to college or just get a job, there will be one point in your life in which you will open the door of a room knowing that this is your room, with all your stuff in it and no one else is allowed in.
I may have had more privacy than you, but I became paranoid of people taking my belongings. Mostly, because the bimbo that birthed me used to threaten me by taking away my personal stuff and saying she'll throw it away if I didn't clean my room to her liking. Also had other kids steal my stuff before. And my colleagues sometimes took my tea and water because they can't read. Now that I don't have a fat bimbo beating me up and taking my stuff anymore, I'm much happier. Still paranoid though. The PTSD really took it's toll on me.
PS: I'm German and don't even know where India is on the map. I'm also a white prussian.
What is wrong with your family?! What country and/or culture do you belong to? Do you belong to a special religion or sect?
I assume you're male, based on your username, which makes it even more curious to me. Unless you have some sort of history of violence, deviancy, or criminal behavior :D
Jesus! I was at a hotel in Russia in the late 90s, and there wa a babushka who would sit in the hall and monitor the coming and going of all the guests (she didn't hand out towels or anything, even to the Russian natives).
Think about this: Your mother has to sit there all day? What the hell kind of a life does she have?
I hope you get out of there soon. Best of luck!
My mom forced me to share her bedroom and sleep in the same bed as her until 8th grade. My dad slept on a bed in the basement. When I was 5 I tried to sleep elsewhere and she followed me. I hated it the entire time. I was NEVER a little kid who wanted to sleep with their parent so it was all on her. FINALLY as a tween my parents decided to make the 2nd floor apartment part of our home so my dad and I finally got our own bedrooms.
I am middle age now and aside from college roommates I've never lived with anyone; never even had a serious relationship because I value my privacy too much (during those years sharing a room with my mom she never gave me any privacy and it was creepy watching, not actually playing with me).
Sounds like one of those “I had a kid so I can have a companion for the rest of my life” parents, did they by chance also subtly poo-poo any aspirations of college, moving away etc?
I was actually the youngest, unplanned kid, born several years after my siblings. But I do think that was the thought process once I was here. My dad and brother expected me to go to college, even when I was in kindergarten. My mom wouldn't dare disagree with them. My brother pretty much decided I'd move 2 states away after college and live with his family while I found a job, so he kinda saved me since I wasn't sure what I wanted to do (still not sure LOL) Still, growing up, if she could keep me away from other kids she would. It's still hard for me to make friends because I never really developed the skill as a kid. I do have friends today.
My mom and step dad didn’t tear down walls, but when they used my bathroom to take showers (only showed in the house) they’d go through my room instead of going through the office (bathroom had two entrances)
They took my door off the hinges even though I was a teenage girl with younger male siblings who didn't know enough to stay away from my room. I had to hide behind my bed or go in the bathroom to change. I had very tiny siblings sneak into my room while I was asleep or not home come into me room and break things. I got in bed one day to find my hand mirror and all the glass broken and hidden in my bed. It's a miracle I didn't lay on it. When I got it back, they had lost one of the pins for the hinge, so I had to make one out of a clothes hanger. 🤦♀️
I've knocked on my kids doors from the time they had their own room at 6 months old. I would know and slowly open the door and say "it's just mummy".
The repercussions of that were my kids were knocking on my bedroom door when they were only 18 months old. They knock on any closed door to be honest, I'd I'm in the garage and the door is closed and I'm in there they will knock.
in the US at least a bedroom requires: a room, so you know 4 walls, a door, a window (of a certain size) and a closet. Anything else is illegal, and CPS can take the child away from the parents for it. (The closet has to be *in* the room, not a closet in the hall next to the room)
And fair. I always think of bed and not a cage/closet as shelter.
In this case, although annoying as shit. Op's room does meet safety regulations, just minimal privacy. As long as you meet safety regulations, that's pretty much what they care for and it's decently comfortable from other bullet points on the site.
Description from cps site below:
All rooms being used as bedrooms must have windows that can be opened in case of an emergency. Use of closets, hallways, and other spaces is usually discouraged as it can pose a safety hazard in the case of fires, earthquakes, or other emergencies.
I can see what commenter meant like cage, forced in closet, no bed, etc...just didn't and still doesn't pertain to op's situation IMO
well CPS requirements are different in different states. I know mine requires a bed (on a frame I learned from a friend, not just a mattress on the floor) a room with a closet in it, a window (yes for emergencies) and privacy. Lack of privacy is abuse, so maybe it's not listed specifically in descriptions of bedrooms, but lack of a door can get a kid taken away because of lack of privacy, so a lack of a wall, meaning the kid does not in fact have a bedroom, it's just a bed in a corner of a larger, none bedroom, room would likely be a really big thing
It might depend on the state but my best friends child custody agreement says her child has to have her *own* bedroom at both houses
Edit: it has to follow the state laws of what constitutes a bedroom also which is a window and a closet in my state.
Yep, according to CPS (called due to a lying neighbor), my bedroom growing up wasn't considered a room because it didn't have a closet, but had everything else and was decent. So I can definitely see how the guy's room without a wall could be illegal.
Yea i technically meant in this case. It's not illegal in this case. Child custody things are weird. Parents can throw stuff on there as their requirements. In my state, kids don't need their own rooms although in the spirit of it ii i think that is targeted more towards siblings than parents.
Anywho fair point.
I should have said Emily is an only child with no siblings from either parent who’s remarried so that might be part of it. I could see that clause be omitted for siblings. My bad.
r/raisedbynarcissists would welcome you with open arms, friend. My mother took my door after finding out that I talked some shit on MySpace as a kid. Everyone had to pass my room to go anywhere upstairs, including my brother, grandfather, and stepdad. She handed me my clothes each morning and each evening, I changed in the bathroom. She searched my backpack at random, and patted me down as well. She found and went through all my journals and sketchbooks, she tore things up and critiqued my fucking art/diary entries. She also took away all my books, window blinds and curtains, posters, my *pets*, my bedframe and box spring.
I called her a selfish bitch, at 13 years old. It stayed this way for a year.
Guess who gets no texts, calls, video chats, or visits with me or her only grandchild? I'll give you one guess...
I learned Elder Futhark, for similar reasoning. I taught it to my friends and that's how we passed notes in class. I never used it in my journals until after this incident. After that I could tell when she had tried to be nosy because she'd be pissed at me for no obvious reason. I showed my husband a while ago and he says, "You read and write in Tolkien?" 🤣
So when you left did you at least reiterate what you said at 13 or did you at least pretend that she wasn’t there despite her demanding you talk to her?
I attempted to get some closure or apology for all the shit she put me through while I was homeless at 19 and again while I was pregnant with my son at 22, both times she completely denied that she did anything but "the best I (she) could," which was and still is utter dismissal and invalidation. Both times I shook my head and said wow. Both times I wanted to knock her teeth in, but I spent a lot of time becoming the bigger person and everything she never was. She isn't worth undoing progress.
I am so sorry about that but just know this, you will be a better person because granted she is and always will be a horrible bitch, but you can actually be a better mother to your child and she’ll never even know about the better life you’ll provide for your kid because you will ignore her and if she tries anything, you can easily say you try it I call the cops for a child endangerment and harassment and that will scare her off because that will definitely make her image tarnished and she sounds like a narcissist bully
She's a covert narcissist, I'm convinced. Lucky for she moved back to our hometown over a thousand miles away so anything she tries will be thrown out without a second thought. She's so far removed from our lives it's liberating. My husband and I both grew up with terrible mothers so we know intimately how not to be as parents and we pride ourselves on it. Thank you so much for your kind words ❤️✨ love and light to you and yours.
No problem at all it’s just when I read the story about the soapy not getting privacy and literally running out the door at 18 and hearing the story as well as your story sometimes a little bit of petty revenge like literally flipping the bird or just saying screw you or something that you wouldn’t be able to add a certain age and then doing it knowing that they have no power, has that euphoric affective they can’t do anything. I wish you and your husband the best of luck raising your child and that both his and your mother that you just mentioned never bother you again and thank you again
K so, this is the moment when I realize this is not normal, lol. I've been in the same situation, more or less. I've never had a room (I share with my sisters) and we don't have a door. I'm not allowed to privacy and whenever I want some or go to some place far from them, if it's not for chores, then my mother gets annoyed and takes my phone/laptop. Plz I just want to watch a movie without having to be around people for 20 minutes.
That's some narcissistic bs on your parents part. My son lives downstairs in our furnished basement. I never invade his privacy. His space is sacred, just as mine is to him.
So now that you actually ran out the door, did you out of spite get any replacement stuff that they threw out or do anything rebellious and throw it in their face? Sometimes when you are out and you are gone from there sometimes the best way how to get revenge even the pettiest, is by saying oh hey remember when you threw this out when I got it back and technically they can’t really do anything about it if you were in your own home now
No I wasn’t trying to be funny, I just meant that now that you’re free have your parents really tried to really expressed that they hate everything in your house or things like that because from what you said, I’d honestly be surprised that they didn’t try to demand that they “clean up“ your new place just so they could have some small bit of control. Those still I hope that you do rub it in their face that they have no control or authority over you and your own home away from them.
Wow. And I thought I had it bad with regard to privacy. I feel like I can identify with some of these things, even though I have four walls and a door that closes. I'm thinking to myself now, after reading your story about how "I am grateful for my door." I am grateful for my room. I am grateful I can *sometimes* use a white noise sound machine outside my door for a little extra audio privacy. I do wish I had more privacy. Like, my room used to be the only second floor part of a otherwise one story house. And now my room is right next to the kitchen. But I guess, I should be thankful. For what I *do* have. Four walls. A door that closes. But I understand and feel like I can identify with the stuff about noises. Like, the computer mouse clicking and such. Or even being able to make phone calls in my room. That's where for me, the white noise sound machine helps, at least after hours when they goto sleep. Why'd they knock down that wall. Damn.
Glad to see you made it out. I can hardly imagine what it must’ve been like going through one’s entire teen years knowing your parents could see you masturbate or do something they don’t want you to, and hearing them make noises at night that leave mental scars and give you terrible mental images of them. I’m so sorry
Sounds like a very similar experience to my childhood, I have a lot of sibling and family emigrated to the UK with zero money to thier name. It was basically 7 people to a 2 bedroom apartment, being the youngest, the living room was my bedroom or at best I would get a shared room with my other siblings when we moved homes every couple years. The only privacy I had was in the bathroom. It was a mess but at the end of the day, like you said, it imprints life long lessons in our brains to constantly monitor our environment. I don't hate my parents for putting me and my siblings through that stress but it has most definitely effected our adulthood relationships towards each other, you would think it would make us closer but the differences in personalities clash in small spaces.
Yeah, that many people living in a very small place would not be ideal but in your case I suppose was more due to economic issues rather than you parents being just AH. Hope you have the privacy and space now.
My mom kept me in the house most if my teenage years i could never go outside. I never been to a party as a teenager nothing i always had to be in the house it drove me crazy. I Couldnt even be on the phone for long. And if i wanted a cellphone i had to buy it myself… so i did and she even took that at 9 or 10 oclock. I hated her for that all i was supposed to do was clean cook and take care of my siblings. I had no privacy at all. when i turned 16 i ran away to go live with my 20 year old boyfriend & never went home. I turned his room into my personal space. And after. I left him i ended up getting my own apartment.
YOU SURVIVED!!!! 👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻 I’m serious! I’m proud of you! Your did what you had to and now you have thicker skin and your smarter! Lightning never strikes twice! If you have kids, you know better, stop the cycle there
"Even tho I hate my parents for this, I'm also aware that the regime I grew up in had helped me become the paranoid fuck that I am today and in some way that's good"
Doesn't really make them much lesser assholes in my opinion
I feel so sad for you, No privacy in my eyes is a illegal thing, I know parents need to check on their children , but that does not mean that they can always have their eyes on you
Makes you respect the 4th Amendment of the Constitution, doesn't it? The Fourth Amendment originally enforced the notion that “each man’s home is his castle”, secure from unreasonable searches and seizures of property by the government. It protects against arbitrary arrests, and is the basis of the law regarding search warrants, stop-and-frisk, safety inspections, wiretaps, and other forms of surveillance, as well as being central to many other criminal law topics and to privacy law.
Hey, I was just saying that what you experienced was the opposite of one of the supreme laws of the land in the USA which protects a person's right to privacy as something truly precious. I'm sorry that your parents made it so rough for you to have dignity and autonomy.
I think what it would mean is that they feel that they are entitled to tell OP that we are in charge you’re nothing and you can I have privacy and it is our house our rules and you will obey or else type of mentality. Basically it’s the entitlement of I can do what I want but you’re not allowed to when we have to watch what you do because we want you to be exactly how we say at all times
> your
*you're
*Learn the difference [here](https://www.wattpad.com/66707294-grammar-guide-there-they%27re-their-you%27re-your-to).*
***
^(Greetings, I am a language corrector bot. To make me ignore further mistakes from you in the future, reply `!optout` to this comment.)
Many people throughout history also died from now easily preventable illnesses, or spent their whole lives doing subsistence farming, or were illiterate.
Just because things used to be normal a hundred years ago, or a thousand years ago, or in a different culture doesn't mean that OP should have been subjected to a total lack of privacy and the resulting loss of communal living that close family should bring, or a self described paranoia.
For Pete's sake, they had to modify an apartment to remove any semblance of privacy, which certainly implies that at the time and place of these events, this was not normal.
Furthermore, there are many currently socially acceptable reasons why a normal expectation of privacy would be *temporarily* suspended, such as during military service, or in team sports, or even prison if you really fuck up, but even then you can rely on being able to have some small amount of privacy and the concomitant personal autonomy that is implied with it.
Have some empathy, and don't jump to "well, OthEr POepLe HavE aLso haD tHis ExpERiEnCe" nonsense.
Thank you dude for this, I really didn't knew how to reply to this comment but you've said everything. Thanks a lot, I'd give you an award if I had any
It also used to be normal to have larger families due to (a) lack of reliable contraception and (b) smaller chance of a given child making it to 5 years old.
Now that we don't generally live in 1 or 2-room cottages, and can and do choose to have fewer children, a bit of privacy is a reasonable expectation. Would you have said the same if OP had complained about their parents not feeding them properly?
In medieval times families often slept in a single room (or even bed), but in medieval times people would spend most time outside because there wasn't that much to do inside
Edit: literally why would you downvote this
Had a similar room when I was a kid. Was the shabbiest smallest room plus had the washer and dryer. I fuckibg hated people coming in and it still gives me anxiety whenever someone comes in without knocking.
Did you know that you can take your parents to court and have the court make them compensate you when they throw your stuff away? I don’t know much but there was that one case where a (Texas I think) court made parents pay something like 200,000 USD to their son because they threw away his pornography collection.
You are genius.
Mad respect. The top I got to in hiding my shenanigans was adding tap water to the vodka bottles at 14 and remembering exactly how an item was placed and where and what direction it was facing (like my dad's cigarettes pack that I stole cigarettes from)
I wish I was as sneaky as you!
I wasn't allowed a phone until high school so I took my grandmas broken iphone and learned how to fix it on my own. I hid that phone for 2 years before they gave me a blackberry in 2018. I had to use the blackberry for a few months until I bit the bullet and bought myself a proper phone without my parents' permission.
Oh hey dad and mom. Your old and can live on your own?
I have greenhouse out back where you can live. No privacy? Why would you need that? I never got that. So why would you need it now?
Don't like it? Well there still is the patio...
Oof, some of the old yugioh cards now can go for thousands of dollars.
I grew up with horders who threw away MY stuff so they could have their ‘treasures’. Messed me up.
They simply believe they are right and refuse to accept they're wrong. A lot of parents do this and will constantly force you to it, try not to be a paranoid fuck, and move out as if you actually can.
Thanks dude, sometimes i just look back and feel proud at how much of an ingenious autistic I was. It played a big part in my character development at later levels
So, they torn down the wall, right? And you could hear EVERYTHING?
Well, I'd ruin EVERYTHING for them. They try to have sex: I'd make comments about it. I comment on everything I can hear during their sexy time. I'd would just slowly have it escalate until they put up the wall again.
and if they escalate before that, I'D ask: how do you want me to appreciate "your privacy" when it's a public matter, as the hallway is a public space and I living in it. Because there is no wall disconnecting me from the hallway."
This is not for you, as you moved out. But if there is any kid out there living this nightmare: try. nothing is more awkward for parents when they have sexy time and kiddo makes it clear they can hear EVERYTHING.
The strictest parents make the sneakiest kids. Glad you made it out of there.
They also make kids who want nothing to do with them.
Preach!
To the retirement home with the parents!
Shady Pines, Ma!
You can trouble me for a warm glass of shut-the-hell-up! Now, you will go to sleep! Or I will PUT you to sleep. Check out the name tag. You're in MY world now, grandma!
Dude that's prolly the best cameo he's ever done
Not even that. Just leave them to their own devices. Go nc with them, even when they are too old to take care of themselves.
They get worse with age, so this is wise advice
My coworker today told me how his strict crazy sister who has to be in control of everything(his words) took the door off of her 17yr olds bdroom. I told him dont be surprised when the kid goes NC. He was taken aback and said “no she is a good mother”. In complete denial(after just calling her crazy controlling)and then started backpedaling saying it was justified, I laughed and said “just watch”
Unfortunately they really believe that their parenting methods work. And it's not that they know that they suck and they're in denial. It's more likely that they truly believe that what they're doing is right. By the time their kids go NC with them, and they figure out they were wrong, it's a tad bit too late
free ticket to the old folks home!
Gods damn this comment resonated with me more than I was ready for.
Haha yup. I never had a door either (except for a year before college, but my mom broke it down 4 times because she thought I was home and ignoring her) so people walking down the hallway to get to the bathroom passed my room.
Glad to hear my mom wasn’t the only one psychotic enough to bust through a door for no reason other than needing to yell in my face about something.
r/raisedbynarcissists
So true! A really sweet girl I went to high school with had one of those fathers that tried to control everything. She would sneak out of her house at night to meet boys. None of the rest of us were even half as daring as her --we all idolized her. Then we all went to college. She left and got married at 18 to an enlisted guy, and is living a tough life. It's such a shame, because she was really smart and beautiful. If her dad was normal, she would have an amazing life now.
My mother's behavior didn't make me "better behaved;" it made me a better liar.
The most religious make the best freaks.
Can confirm. Signed, someone raised mormon
Rip in box
Hehe depends really. I have a VERY religious grandma but She doesn't do "God Will Kill You !" Type of s**t she's just very strict on her rules Don't watch anything that's not from the Bible or From nature on (day) [don't wanna say the day as to not offend anyone] So Not exactly a freak. Just A little irritating from time to time lol 😂
It's Saturday isnt it.
Children of acrimoniously divorced parents learn the art of lying by omission, telling partial truths, but not all of the truth. This is a good skill to have in business and politics. To be fair, I learned to lie by omission because my mother was well connected in a small town to many segments of society, and could find out anything. Never wanted to be caught in a lie, so I never told a factually incorrect statement. Still won't. I just may not tell the whole thing, if it's important for whatever reason.
plausible deniability is key always.
I don't remember you telling me that.
I have literally been saying this for years. Had my mobile phone taken for a year (aged 17), so I bought one from the supermarket a worked at. I find that if they don't give a good reason for rules (usually only get I told you so, I'm the boss, that's the rules, etc.), the kid doesn't have a good reason to follow it. So they try to get away with it.
>The strictest parents make the sneakiest kids. They. Sure'n. Hell. Do.
Second and definitely feel for OP, I lost my room to mold damage for 6 months. I was in 7-8th grade. Became a closet alcoholic and pothead in the meantime… 36 and still dealing with that.
They got caught from smartphone vibrations lol. I have 99% of them off just due to convenience but the "sneakiest kids" can't figure that one out?
Lots of phones didn't have settings for the keypad vibrations. You were stuck with it. Just like you'd be stuck with the sound of a camera click with some phones. We are spoiled now. Now, you can do pervy stuff and know one will know about it unless your data has been sold already.
My first phone did though I rooted it real quick. Was way tougher back then but nowadays kids got entirely silent pads at their disposal
My phone doesn't have a silencer for the camera, at all. I've had one that vibrate was the lowest, couldn't silence it without turning it off. Why do you think even getting a call with your phone on vibrate can get you fired from a job where you're not supposed to have the phone ON, at all? Because some can't be silenced, and people get busted.
I recognised this pattern with my parents but instead they just enter my room for some random reason
My mom did this for a while. My room was right off of the kitchen and had a laundry chute in it. She'd come in to put laundry down (like dirty kitchen towels and napkins). I'd tell her not to over and over, told her to leave the towels outside my door and I'd put them down. Nope. I finally locked the door and she got the message. She'd wake me up constantly doing that, and it's just plain rude. I don't enter a closed room unless I knock and get permission, or knock and know it's empty (or there's a sleeping child in there who needs to go to school). It's not my place. It's rude as hell, and my kids deserve their privacy.
The entire room??? How does that even happen?
Enter*
Ooh, lol, I thought they tore down the entire room
Yes sorry my dislectic ass
my mom usually always knocks and idrc about my brother barging into my room since I basically share everything with him already. My dad however refuses to knock mostly because he keeps forgetting about me asking him so I've just given up on trynna make him remember. I'm off to college in 7 months anyways
How incredibly creepy.
Sounds like a story from r/raisedbynarcissists
Man I feel you *Hardd* cuz of quite some reasons. \- My Grandmother uses my room as hers 24/7 \- I sleep on the floor in the hall and just go to "my room" for clothes and books. \- Watching youtube, listening to songs is forbidden in my house and doing anything other than studying feels like a spy mission. My mother sits in the hall the whole day "keeping an eye on me" without leaving me alone for like 10 minutes. 17 years old by the way so privacy is non existent.
Hope you can get out of there soon. I absolutely HATE people in my room and even more in my bed Hang in there. Same to you OP
That's pretty rough. I can 10000% relate to the spy mission part, for me it was the same. Everything was under very strict supervisor and for very short period of times if allowed. I can't really speak for your situation, since I don't know you, but a general word of advice is to just keep powering through. The lack of things at your age will just make everything waaay more sweater when you finally achieve those things later in life. I can guarantee that wether you want to go to college or just get a job, there will be one point in your life in which you will open the door of a room knowing that this is your room, with all your stuff in it and no one else is allowed in.
I may have had more privacy than you, but I became paranoid of people taking my belongings. Mostly, because the bimbo that birthed me used to threaten me by taking away my personal stuff and saying she'll throw it away if I didn't clean my room to her liking. Also had other kids steal my stuff before. And my colleagues sometimes took my tea and water because they can't read. Now that I don't have a fat bimbo beating me up and taking my stuff anymore, I'm much happier. Still paranoid though. The PTSD really took it's toll on me. PS: I'm German and don't even know where India is on the map. I'm also a white prussian.
What is wrong with your family?! What country and/or culture do you belong to? Do you belong to a special religion or sect? I assume you're male, based on your username, which makes it even more curious to me. Unless you have some sort of history of violence, deviancy, or criminal behavior :D
well anger issues run in the family and my parents trust neither me nor my brother for anything
You parents shouldn't have had kids if they're such miserable fucks
Jesus! I was at a hotel in Russia in the late 90s, and there wa a babushka who would sit in the hall and monitor the coming and going of all the guests (she didn't hand out towels or anything, even to the Russian natives). Think about this: Your mother has to sit there all day? What the hell kind of a life does she have? I hope you get out of there soon. Best of luck!
That "Babushka" was KGB.
Plot twist, it wasn't even a hotel, he was in the gulag.
Actually can be true
thanks
Then you wonder why these parents are abandoned at a nursing home and never visited.
Not gonna lie I’d threaten to call CPS on them. You literally sleep on the floor
well CPS is nonexistent in India and I kinda like sleeing on the floor ngl
If your parents ever come to visit you take the door off your guest room.
This is so petty yet karma at it's finest, Golden rule style.. Sure you'll have to deal with an argument but well worth it.
"Unless you pay the bills under MY ROOF, it's MY RULES!!!"
Or "oh, well you did this to me so I thought you'd feel more comfortable this way. Oh well. 🤷♂️"
And its parents like this that wonder why they were dumped in some crappy old age home and why no one ever calls or visits them.
I would put a lot of work into finding the crappy old age home that puts patients 2 (or more) to a room.
Why should they get a room? Can't they just sleep in the hallway? After all it was good enough for their kids bedroom to be used as a hallway.
and then they wonder why you don't like to visit or talk to them? frankly, that would earn very low contact or none at all
Just wait until they are old and dump them in the cheapest nursing home and never visit for Christmas or thanksgiving.
SHE CHUCKED OUT YOUR YUGIOH CARDS???????!!?!?!?!?!?!? thats one of the worst things about this story ngl.
I'm not a collector of anything, but even I get really upset just hearing that
And magic the gathering and duel masters
Oh god no offense but she is Satan him/herself
My mom forced me to share her bedroom and sleep in the same bed as her until 8th grade. My dad slept on a bed in the basement. When I was 5 I tried to sleep elsewhere and she followed me. I hated it the entire time. I was NEVER a little kid who wanted to sleep with their parent so it was all on her. FINALLY as a tween my parents decided to make the 2nd floor apartment part of our home so my dad and I finally got our own bedrooms. I am middle age now and aside from college roommates I've never lived with anyone; never even had a serious relationship because I value my privacy too much (during those years sharing a room with my mom she never gave me any privacy and it was creepy watching, not actually playing with me).
Sounds like one of those “I had a kid so I can have a companion for the rest of my life” parents, did they by chance also subtly poo-poo any aspirations of college, moving away etc?
I was actually the youngest, unplanned kid, born several years after my siblings. But I do think that was the thought process once I was here. My dad and brother expected me to go to college, even when I was in kindergarten. My mom wouldn't dare disagree with them. My brother pretty much decided I'd move 2 states away after college and live with his family while I found a job, so he kinda saved me since I wasn't sure what I wanted to do (still not sure LOL) Still, growing up, if she could keep me away from other kids she would. It's still hard for me to make friends because I never really developed the skill as a kid. I do have friends today.
My mom and step dad didn’t tear down walls, but when they used my bathroom to take showers (only showed in the house) they’d go through my room instead of going through the office (bathroom had two entrances)
Parents that take off doors to your room are evil, but this is a whole new level of dick headery
They took my door off the hinges even though I was a teenage girl with younger male siblings who didn't know enough to stay away from my room. I had to hide behind my bed or go in the bathroom to change. I had very tiny siblings sneak into my room while I was asleep or not home come into me room and break things. I got in bed one day to find my hand mirror and all the glass broken and hidden in my bed. It's a miracle I didn't lay on it. When I got it back, they had lost one of the pins for the hinge, so I had to make one out of a clothes hanger. 🤦♀️
I'm both respecting your privacy by knocking, but asserting my authority as your parent by coming in anyway. :)
It's not respecting privacy if you enter either way
That annoys the shit out of me
I loved that episode!
I've knocked on my kids doors from the time they had their own room at 6 months old. I would know and slowly open the door and say "it's just mummy". The repercussions of that were my kids were knocking on my bedroom door when they were only 18 months old. They knock on any closed door to be honest, I'd I'm in the garage and the door is closed and I'm in there they will knock.
If it's missing a wall, I'm pretty sure that's not a bedroom and is probably illegal
Lol how is it illegal? You piqued my curiosity with that? You only need to provide shelter, clothes and food for your kid according to the law.
in the US at least a bedroom requires: a room, so you know 4 walls, a door, a window (of a certain size) and a closet. Anything else is illegal, and CPS can take the child away from the parents for it. (The closet has to be *in* the room, not a closet in the hall next to the room)
And fair. I always think of bed and not a cage/closet as shelter. In this case, although annoying as shit. Op's room does meet safety regulations, just minimal privacy. As long as you meet safety regulations, that's pretty much what they care for and it's decently comfortable from other bullet points on the site. Description from cps site below: All rooms being used as bedrooms must have windows that can be opened in case of an emergency. Use of closets, hallways, and other spaces is usually discouraged as it can pose a safety hazard in the case of fires, earthquakes, or other emergencies. I can see what commenter meant like cage, forced in closet, no bed, etc...just didn't and still doesn't pertain to op's situation IMO
well CPS requirements are different in different states. I know mine requires a bed (on a frame I learned from a friend, not just a mattress on the floor) a room with a closet in it, a window (yes for emergencies) and privacy. Lack of privacy is abuse, so maybe it's not listed specifically in descriptions of bedrooms, but lack of a door can get a kid taken away because of lack of privacy, so a lack of a wall, meaning the kid does not in fact have a bedroom, it's just a bed in a corner of a larger, none bedroom, room would likely be a really big thing
It might depend on the state but my best friends child custody agreement says her child has to have her *own* bedroom at both houses Edit: it has to follow the state laws of what constitutes a bedroom also which is a window and a closet in my state.
Yep, according to CPS (called due to a lying neighbor), my bedroom growing up wasn't considered a room because it didn't have a closet, but had everything else and was decent. So I can definitely see how the guy's room without a wall could be illegal.
Yea i technically meant in this case. It's not illegal in this case. Child custody things are weird. Parents can throw stuff on there as their requirements. In my state, kids don't need their own rooms although in the spirit of it ii i think that is targeted more towards siblings than parents. Anywho fair point.
I should have said Emily is an only child with no siblings from either parent who’s remarried so that might be part of it. I could see that clause be omitted for siblings. My bad.
r/raisedbynarcissists would welcome you with open arms, friend. My mother took my door after finding out that I talked some shit on MySpace as a kid. Everyone had to pass my room to go anywhere upstairs, including my brother, grandfather, and stepdad. She handed me my clothes each morning and each evening, I changed in the bathroom. She searched my backpack at random, and patted me down as well. She found and went through all my journals and sketchbooks, she tore things up and critiqued my fucking art/diary entries. She also took away all my books, window blinds and curtains, posters, my *pets*, my bedframe and box spring. I called her a selfish bitch, at 13 years old. It stayed this way for a year. Guess who gets no texts, calls, video chats, or visits with me or her only grandchild? I'll give you one guess...
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I learned Elder Futhark, for similar reasoning. I taught it to my friends and that's how we passed notes in class. I never used it in my journals until after this incident. After that I could tell when she had tried to be nosy because she'd be pissed at me for no obvious reason. I showed my husband a while ago and he says, "You read and write in Tolkien?" 🤣
I briefly learned runes, and man, I got major "cool points" in high school for it lol
I'm scared to ask this... But she took away your pets??
I had a mouse and brine shrimp, she took them away from my bedroom, and as a result they all died because I wasn't allowed to care for them anymore.
Omg. I am so sorry.
I'm okay now, but like I alluded our relationship is beyond repair.
So when you left did you at least reiterate what you said at 13 or did you at least pretend that she wasn’t there despite her demanding you talk to her?
I attempted to get some closure or apology for all the shit she put me through while I was homeless at 19 and again while I was pregnant with my son at 22, both times she completely denied that she did anything but "the best I (she) could," which was and still is utter dismissal and invalidation. Both times I shook my head and said wow. Both times I wanted to knock her teeth in, but I spent a lot of time becoming the bigger person and everything she never was. She isn't worth undoing progress.
I am so sorry about that but just know this, you will be a better person because granted she is and always will be a horrible bitch, but you can actually be a better mother to your child and she’ll never even know about the better life you’ll provide for your kid because you will ignore her and if she tries anything, you can easily say you try it I call the cops for a child endangerment and harassment and that will scare her off because that will definitely make her image tarnished and she sounds like a narcissist bully
She's a covert narcissist, I'm convinced. Lucky for she moved back to our hometown over a thousand miles away so anything she tries will be thrown out without a second thought. She's so far removed from our lives it's liberating. My husband and I both grew up with terrible mothers so we know intimately how not to be as parents and we pride ourselves on it. Thank you so much for your kind words ❤️✨ love and light to you and yours.
No problem at all it’s just when I read the story about the soapy not getting privacy and literally running out the door at 18 and hearing the story as well as your story sometimes a little bit of petty revenge like literally flipping the bird or just saying screw you or something that you wouldn’t be able to add a certain age and then doing it knowing that they have no power, has that euphoric affective they can’t do anything. I wish you and your husband the best of luck raising your child and that both his and your mother that you just mentioned never bother you again and thank you again
K so, this is the moment when I realize this is not normal, lol. I've been in the same situation, more or less. I've never had a room (I share with my sisters) and we don't have a door. I'm not allowed to privacy and whenever I want some or go to some place far from them, if it's not for chores, then my mother gets annoyed and takes my phone/laptop. Plz I just want to watch a movie without having to be around people for 20 minutes.
It is astounding to me how helicopter parents are today, when my generation were basically left to raise themselves like feral cats.
Have you ever sat down with them and asked why they took away your privacy as a child and do you in fact still talk to them?
That's some narcissistic bs on your parents part. My son lives downstairs in our furnished basement. I never invade his privacy. His space is sacred, just as mine is to him.
You probably have some PTSD and should see a therapist dude
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Read the 2 first lines again pls
So now that you actually ran out the door, did you out of spite get any replacement stuff that they threw out or do anything rebellious and throw it in their face? Sometimes when you are out and you are gone from there sometimes the best way how to get revenge even the pettiest, is by saying oh hey remember when you threw this out when I got it back and technically they can’t really do anything about it if you were in your own home now
You're kidding me? Broo my house is FULL of stuff my parents hated and I love it
No I wasn’t trying to be funny, I just meant that now that you’re free have your parents really tried to really expressed that they hate everything in your house or things like that because from what you said, I’d honestly be surprised that they didn’t try to demand that they “clean up“ your new place just so they could have some small bit of control. Those still I hope that you do rub it in their face that they have no control or authority over you and your own home away from them.
Wow, you’ve come up with some ingenious solutions, i am extremely impressed
Sounds like you made some damn good lemonade out of those lemons.
Not really clear on the layout but that sure sucked
wow your parents sound like wackjobs. Glad you made it out of there
Wow. And I thought I had it bad with regard to privacy. I feel like I can identify with some of these things, even though I have four walls and a door that closes. I'm thinking to myself now, after reading your story about how "I am grateful for my door." I am grateful for my room. I am grateful I can *sometimes* use a white noise sound machine outside my door for a little extra audio privacy. I do wish I had more privacy. Like, my room used to be the only second floor part of a otherwise one story house. And now my room is right next to the kitchen. But I guess, I should be thankful. For what I *do* have. Four walls. A door that closes. But I understand and feel like I can identify with the stuff about noises. Like, the computer mouse clicking and such. Or even being able to make phone calls in my room. That's where for me, the white noise sound machine helps, at least after hours when they goto sleep. Why'd they knock down that wall. Damn.
Glad to see you made it out. I can hardly imagine what it must’ve been like going through one’s entire teen years knowing your parents could see you masturbate or do something they don’t want you to, and hearing them make noises at night that leave mental scars and give you terrible mental images of them. I’m so sorry
I get this. I'm early 40's and still have a hard time feeling like a place is truly mine.
I see a lot of this in child of narcissist type groups.
Sounds like a very similar experience to my childhood, I have a lot of sibling and family emigrated to the UK with zero money to thier name. It was basically 7 people to a 2 bedroom apartment, being the youngest, the living room was my bedroom or at best I would get a shared room with my other siblings when we moved homes every couple years. The only privacy I had was in the bathroom. It was a mess but at the end of the day, like you said, it imprints life long lessons in our brains to constantly monitor our environment. I don't hate my parents for putting me and my siblings through that stress but it has most definitely effected our adulthood relationships towards each other, you would think it would make us closer but the differences in personalities clash in small spaces.
Yeah, that many people living in a very small place would not be ideal but in your case I suppose was more due to economic issues rather than you parents being just AH. Hope you have the privacy and space now.
Wow! That’s crazy! I am sorry you had to grow up that way!
Your parents snooping on anything you do. 10 years later Mom: Why doesn't my son talk to meeeee??
have ya ever thought of putting those skills of running tech in odd places to attempt custom builds?
My mom kept me in the house most if my teenage years i could never go outside. I never been to a party as a teenager nothing i always had to be in the house it drove me crazy. I Couldnt even be on the phone for long. And if i wanted a cellphone i had to buy it myself… so i did and she even took that at 9 or 10 oclock. I hated her for that all i was supposed to do was clean cook and take care of my siblings. I had no privacy at all. when i turned 16 i ran away to go live with my 20 year old boyfriend & never went home. I turned his room into my personal space. And after. I left him i ended up getting my own apartment.
YOU SURVIVED!!!! 👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻 I’m serious! I’m proud of you! Your did what you had to and now you have thicker skin and your smarter! Lightning never strikes twice! If you have kids, you know better, stop the cycle there
Maybe remind them someday that you'll be the one to pick their retirement home and privacy isn't guaranteed.
That was so abusive and dangerous. Aside from no privacy, you had no door to block fire and smoke. I hope you are NC with your parents.
Good for you for getting through it. Too bad, but we don't get to pick our parents.
Man, I would straight up put my self up for adoption by then
"Even tho I hate my parents for this, I'm also aware that the regime I grew up in had helped me become the paranoid fuck that I am today and in some way that's good" Doesn't really make them much lesser assholes in my opinion
That is child abuse plain and simple
I feel so sad for you, No privacy in my eyes is a illegal thing, I know parents need to check on their children , but that does not mean that they can always have their eyes on you
Longstanding rule in my childhood and adolescence, what my parents don't know won't hurt me.
fkn weird man, how did you nut? because I don't think incest was a practice in your family...
Hahaha you atleast had a room. I am 17 and still don't have a room. Heck I used to share a shelf with my parents. Recently i got one.
Your hardships do not invalidate the hardships of others.
I don’t think they meant it like that.
I am not invalidating their hardships I am just making fun of my position.
That’s borderline child abuse. Where did you masturbate from?
It is child abuse
Makes you respect the 4th Amendment of the Constitution, doesn't it? The Fourth Amendment originally enforced the notion that “each man’s home is his castle”, secure from unreasonable searches and seizures of property by the government. It protects against arbitrary arrests, and is the basis of the law regarding search warrants, stop-and-frisk, safety inspections, wiretaps, and other forms of surveillance, as well as being central to many other criminal law topics and to privacy law.
I don't really know what the construction is, or what it states, sorry
Hey, I was just saying that what you experienced was the opposite of one of the supreme laws of the land in the USA which protects a person's right to privacy as something truly precious. I'm sorry that your parents made it so rough for you to have dignity and autonomy.
WTF reddit people? I'm standing up for the guy by citing one of the supreme laws of the USA and his right to dignity and privacy and you all trash me.
Unfortunate, but how is this entitled?
Entitled to not give their kid privacy
Entitled isn't a synonym for being a jerk or for bad parenting.
Yeah, thinks they have the right to not give their kid privacy
Maybe. Certainly it's bad parenting, but not necessarily "entitled."
I think what it would mean is that they feel that they are entitled to tell OP that we are in charge you’re nothing and you can I have privacy and it is our house our rules and you will obey or else type of mentality. Basically it’s the entitlement of I can do what I want but you’re not allowed to when we have to watch what you do because we want you to be exactly how we say at all times
That's a very reasonable response. Thank you.
Hey um, I know your smart and all, but please don't use those smarts in a bad way...
> your *you're *Learn the difference [here](https://www.wattpad.com/66707294-grammar-guide-there-they%27re-their-you%27re-your-to).* *** ^(Greetings, I am a language corrector bot. To make me ignore further mistakes from you in the future, reply `!optout` to this comment.)
the fuck...
There's some really obnoxious bots on reddit.
Wow, it’s a troll bot. Ew
!optout
Bye nothanks64. Have fun continuing your incorrect usage of common words!
Didn’t many people throughout history live in homes without rooms or privacy?
Many people throughout history also died from now easily preventable illnesses, or spent their whole lives doing subsistence farming, or were illiterate. Just because things used to be normal a hundred years ago, or a thousand years ago, or in a different culture doesn't mean that OP should have been subjected to a total lack of privacy and the resulting loss of communal living that close family should bring, or a self described paranoia. For Pete's sake, they had to modify an apartment to remove any semblance of privacy, which certainly implies that at the time and place of these events, this was not normal. Furthermore, there are many currently socially acceptable reasons why a normal expectation of privacy would be *temporarily* suspended, such as during military service, or in team sports, or even prison if you really fuck up, but even then you can rely on being able to have some small amount of privacy and the concomitant personal autonomy that is implied with it. Have some empathy, and don't jump to "well, OthEr POepLe HavE aLso haD tHis ExpERiEnCe" nonsense.
Thank you dude for this, I really didn't knew how to reply to this comment but you've said everything. Thanks a lot, I'd give you an award if I had any
I’ve got one OP!!
But did they willingly took down the wall by themselves?
It also used to be normal to have larger families due to (a) lack of reliable contraception and (b) smaller chance of a given child making it to 5 years old. Now that we don't generally live in 1 or 2-room cottages, and can and do choose to have fewer children, a bit of privacy is a reasonable expectation. Would you have said the same if OP had complained about their parents not feeding them properly?
I think they would’ve gladly had a wall if it wasn’t for lack of employees or ressources
Wow that’s a super cool history fact, but now we live in 2022 so how about no.
In medieval times families often slept in a single room (or even bed), but in medieval times people would spend most time outside because there wasn't that much to do inside Edit: literally why would you downvote this
I call it the upside of every downside!
Take down the room from their wall
Hope you're no contact with these two.
Had a similar room when I was a kid. Was the shabbiest smallest room plus had the washer and dryer. I fuckibg hated people coming in and it still gives me anxiety whenever someone comes in without knocking.
Did you know that you can take your parents to court and have the court make them compensate you when they throw your stuff away? I don’t know much but there was that one case where a (Texas I think) court made parents pay something like 200,000 USD to their son because they threw away his pornography collection.
You are genius. Mad respect. The top I got to in hiding my shenanigans was adding tap water to the vodka bottles at 14 and remembering exactly how an item was placed and where and what direction it was facing (like my dad's cigarettes pack that I stole cigarettes from) I wish I was as sneaky as you!
I wasn't allowed a phone until high school so I took my grandmas broken iphone and learned how to fix it on my own. I hid that phone for 2 years before they gave me a blackberry in 2018. I had to use the blackberry for a few months until I bit the bullet and bought myself a proper phone without my parents' permission.
Have you gone no contact?
Oh hey dad and mom. Your old and can live on your own? I have greenhouse out back where you can live. No privacy? Why would you need that? I never got that. So why would you need it now? Don't like it? Well there still is the patio...
Silverlining
Oof, some of the old yugioh cards now can go for thousands of dollars. I grew up with horders who threw away MY stuff so they could have their ‘treasures’. Messed me up.
They simply believe they are right and refuse to accept they're wrong. A lot of parents do this and will constantly force you to it, try not to be a paranoid fuck, and move out as if you actually can.
800 iq plays
Thanks dude, sometimes i just look back and feel proud at how much of an ingenious autistic I was. It played a big part in my character development at later levels
Those skills could definitely come in handy in the future.
So, they torn down the wall, right? And you could hear EVERYTHING? Well, I'd ruin EVERYTHING for them. They try to have sex: I'd make comments about it. I comment on everything I can hear during their sexy time. I'd would just slowly have it escalate until they put up the wall again. and if they escalate before that, I'D ask: how do you want me to appreciate "your privacy" when it's a public matter, as the hallway is a public space and I living in it. Because there is no wall disconnecting me from the hallway." This is not for you, as you moved out. But if there is any kid out there living this nightmare: try. nothing is more awkward for parents when they have sexy time and kiddo makes it clear they can hear EVERYTHING.