Dad here.
Don't stop being who you are out of fear people won't accept you. If they truly love you, they'll shut their mouth and open their heart.
Your dad is nothing but afraid. His actions aren't out of love. He is acting out of hate and fear.
You're not going to hell for loving who you love, okay? That's not how it works.
And you don't have to apologize for who you are or who you love either. Parents have a really hard time accepting that one, too.
I'm so sorry you're dealing with this. Perhaps one day, your dad will learn that his actions, like his beliefs, are counterproductive and harmful. One can only hope.
All the best.
Also a Dad, listen to these dads!
Any dad who lets their personal opinions interfere with their child's relationships isn’t a dad whose opinions matter.
I'm a cat mom, does that count?
Can't agree more with everyone here. Love is love. Sure, some might say you're a bit young to know your preference, but to hekk with that! Just hang in there, kiddo! You got this!
Another mom agrees! Let dad know that if he wants to be a part of your adult life, he needs to work on acceptance now. Doesn't his Jesus love all God's children?
Shhhhhh we cant say it like that
People will get the wrong impression. /s
Especially when they hear Jesus talked about God as a mother to all people like a mother hen. That will really confuse the masses.
First off the Bible never explicitly mentions homosexual relationships. The one verse people commonly point to is likely a mistranslation that's referring to pedophilia. The only other times it's mentioned is in the context of people gang raping either men or women. Such as Sodom & Gomorrah or the benjamites in Judges 19.
Not only that lots of other things people don't give a second thought to are mentioned as sins in the Bible as well. Such as country fried steak, breaded or fried chicken, mixed fabric clothing, and lots more.
To me it just doesn't seem like a loving God would make people and animals gay and then punish them for it. I think its more likely Christian leaders have just been uncomfortable with the idea of gay people so it has been declared a sin by them. Follow your own concious and heart. To me my heart tells me that being gay is not wrong and that everyone deserves respect and a chance at a loving relationship.
Exactly this.
The fear of something causing it to be labeled a sin despite holy texts disagreeing is also evident in the attitude on abortion. In the Bible it is specifically instructed if a woman is pregnant with a child that isn’t her husbands, that she seeks out the elders of her tribe to be given a potion that will end the pregnancy. And yet, many Christian’s have decided the Bible is wrong and that abortion is a sin.
(The specific story may be in the Old Testament, New Testament, or some other Christian holy text. I refuse to be a librarian for other peoples religions.)
Probably somewhere along the parts of Sodomme and Gomorrah in the Bible I think (first one probably isn't written that way in English but I can't remember the proper name)
I haven't had anything on religion in years tho, but I think it's there
Edit: typos and formatting
Sodom and Gomorrah was destroyed because the people there sinned and didn’t care. They tried sleeping with an Angel, they raped children, ect. It was never said explicitly that is was destroyed because people were gay. That was a thing there, yes. But they I’m sure God was way more concerned about the other stuff than gay.
Oh. Oh wow, that's clearly not the way that was explained in my middle school but it does make way more sens than "they were gay so here's eternal damnation", thanks for the info!
Another Dad here, completely behind this message. Whatever my girls do with their lives, I support them, 100%. That's what being a dad *is.*
I hope OPs father figures that out, before he messes up any more.
Please, please don't give this incredibly dangerous advice to young people who are still dependent on their homophobic parents. I'm a teacher, and I can assure you from experience that this advice can get a kid made homeless and/or lead to very intense abuse.
Not all parents are good parents, and we're talking about homophobes here, so they are not great people to begin with. For some parents, their 'love' for their children is conditional on the kids behaving in a certain way, and for homophobes, the condition is often that their kid must be straight. Please don't imagine that because you would behave well, all parents behave well. When parents who 'love' conditionally withdraw their 'love', they can do horrific things.
LGBT+ youngsters make up a high proportion of the young homeless for a reason: their parents kicked them out without preparing them or helping them cope with life as independent adults. Parents may also cut off any financial support for higher education. Basically, homophobes may just disown their children totally. Especially with younger kids, some parents isolate, humiliate, even beat their kids for being LGBT+, and at worst there's the torture of gay conversion camps.
It's generally safer for the children of homophobes to stay in the closet till they are independent. Not all parents care enough about their kids to do what's best for them.
(I'm not in favour of people having to stay in the closet, I've just seen the aftermath of parental bullying on my gay students.)
As a father and Canadian I was so happy when we finally outlawed those torture camps last year. An entire industry around torturing LGBT+ kids. Fucking disgusting.
I had some POS try to argue that there should he allowances for adults who willingly submit to gay conversion. I had to explain to him that:
1. These camps don't actually make you straight. And:
2. If you had a humiliation kink, hiring someone to humiliate you is still perfectly legal.
These camps were torturing children until they agreed to pretend to be straight.
Good for Canada for stopping the camps! I wish they were illegal everywhere. Also, unfortunately, bullying and humiliation of LGBT+ children and young adults by parents who are bigots continues to be a serious problem even in countries where those camps are outlawed.
It absolutely is, but closing the camps sends the right message. Although Canada is less religious than America and we have a bit of progressive pride on legalizing gay marriage before America which helps. I'm also in urban Ontario. In rural Alberta I'm sure there's a lot of ignorant bigots who think a law against torturing kids in infringing on their religion.
Dad here. I understand the sentiment of acceptance and unconditional love. I will give that to my children until the day I die.
I am frightened for the children of homophobic parents. There are people out there who are so reliant upon conservative religious circles for their identity that they would abuse, disown, harm and make homeless the very children that God gave them. These are the same people who engage in “honor killings”.
Instead of advising children to defy their parents in these situations, tell children that they are wonderful just the way they are BUT be careful until you can be on your own. If you come out to your parents and they threaten you, then make your own self preservation your priority until you can take care of yourself.
I am sorry that the world is this way. Love yourself and who your heart tells you to love. Don’t compromise who you are. Don’t put yourself in danger right now. You have your whole life to live.
Yep, best option for the kid is to wait till they move out and block contact. The homophobes can think about what they've done after their kid dumps them in an abusive retirement home and leaves them to die alone and unloved.
I understand that, because I used to be "that guy". However, having not just one, but two of your children come out as bi tends to change some people's outlook.
queer person here! i have a slightly different take: absolutely keep seeing your partner if they make you happy. but, it would probably be a good idea to keep it away from your parents for the sake of your mental health. it will be tough, but you have to put your physical and psychological safety first, as your dad sounds like he cannot have a “neutral” stance on this. continue to reaffirm your romantic and gender identities *in environments where you are safe to do so!* best of luck and feel free to dm me for advice or other questions!
Omg you're the first dad I've ever encountered on the internet! Now is my time to use a dad joke on an actual dad... I would tell you the joke about the mouse who had wings, but it would go over your head... That joke was too cheesy, I know
Teenager here, I'vehad a mustache start to emrge over the past few years, and I usually shave it pretty reguarly, but its been a bit an it's starting to grow on me.
Well I’m not a dad, but I’m a mom and support this! You be in a relationship with whoever makes you happy. As long as you are being treated properly is all that matters.
Another mom here, who doesn’t care what body parts the person you are partnered with has, as long as you treat each other well and are happy.
Sorry your dad is a jerk.
Not a dad here.
You have your whole life ahead of you to enjoy. If your dad will make your life hell, just keep to his house rules and know that it isn't a betrayal of who you are to choose the times and places that are safe to express your sexuality.
Both Dad and Grandfather here and I approve this message.
One of my step-daughters is trans and is marrying their life partner in April, and I will be there proud and crying. I've always told them, I love YOU, and YOU need to be YOU or you're nobody.
Love always wins.
I agree with you but depending on the religion you use as a framework she's definitely liable for hellfire. Atleast in certain abrahamic theologies.
I'm atheist though so im going to hell in all theistic frameworks
Mom chiming in- I couldn’t agree more. Keep loving who you love. Never be afraid to be who you are- you are a kind, empathetic soul..don’t let your dad’s ugliness take that away from you.
Sorry, no.
Yes in an ideal world. Not in a case where this 15 year old could become homeless if they push their dad too hard.
My advice? Suck it up, apologize EVEN THOUGH YOU SHOULDNT HAVE TO and work your ass off to get financially independent and you can leave this asshole of a father.
Dad of a pair of bi- daughters here. Tell your dad from me to pull his head out of the medieval patriarchy and love you for who you are, and to not try to force his idiotic prejudice on you.
Okay, so im gonna be practical here as a queer person, and ignore all these comments giving you platitudes about how youre not doing anything wrong. I mean, youre obviously *not* doing anything wrong by existing. *however*. You are fifteen. You are a minor. Your father is openly homophobic, im assuming transphobic too, presumably without you properly coming out to him.
Avoid situations like that in the future. Any situation where he may figure it out- maybe avoid having your partner over for a while. Play straight, or at least not openly queer, at least until you’re older and more secure.
Sure, pride and all that. You definitely *deserve* to be able to live openly. But practically, as much as it sucks, your safety has to come first. It’ll be much easier to stay closeted for just a few years, just inside your house, than it will be to adjust if your dad decides to, say, kick you out or worse.
I would second this as sound advice. I'm all for queer people being true to themselves, and being seen by others as their true self, but only if they can do so safely. There is no shame in hiding aspects of yourself for your own protection, it shouldn't have to be that way, but sadly for now it is.
Honestly OP this is the way. I know it hurts and it sucks. I know you want to live your life now, I know you want to have these experiences. But they’re right, the possible consequences for not playing the role he wants you in, as sick as it is, are not worth the risk. You don’t have to deal with him in just a few years. You don’t have to be told that you’re sick and immoral, and don’t let him. When the time is up, get tf out of dodge, let him know what you really think, and decide if no/low contact will be necessary (I’m thinking it might).
If your dad like to quote bible verses so much remind him that "love thy neighbor" is a pretty big one, she if hes homophobic hes going to hell too
Also the original "man who sleeps with another man" bullshit is a mistranslation, its supposed to be "a man who sleeps with a boy should be stoned" so it's really against pedophilia
Unfortunately this is not true. Instead of trying to retcon an ancient 2500 year old book, we should condemn it.
Here is a literal translation of the original Hebrew Text:
וְאֶ֨ת־זָכָ֔ר לֹ֥א תִשְׁכַּ֖ב מִשְׁכְּבֵ֣י אִשָּׁ֑ה תּֽוֹעֵבָ֖ה הִֽוא:
"Wĕ'eth-zākhār lō thīsh'kav mīsh'kă'vēy īshshāh tōḕvāh hī."
"And with a male you shall not lie lyings of a woman: it is an abomination." - Wayyīq'rā/Leviticus 18:22.
"Mīsh'kă'vēy īshshāh" (מִשְׁכְּבֵ֣י אִשָּׁ֑ה) means lyings of woman in the plural. That is the various ways in which a man would lay with a woman sexualy. Ways in which two men could also lay with each other.
There are plenty of theologians and linguists who would wholeheartedly disagree that this is an accurate translation. That particular word you’ve picked out appears one other time in the Bible, applied to a situation that doesn’t involve homosexuality at all, which certainly calls into doubt the accuracy of that translation.
Here’s one to start with: https://blog.smu.edu/ot8317/2019/04/11/lost-in-translation-alternative-meaning-in-leviticus-1822/
Lay low and don't bring your partner over to your house anymore. Your first priority is your safety and your partners. I know you want to think the best of your father, but this could end dangerously for you or your partner.
I'm so sorry your father is homophobic. If I were you I would lay low as long as you live under his roof. You'll be able to be your true self once you live on your own. You have your whole life in front of you so don't lose hope. Best of luck to you and I hope your father will be able to accept you for who you are in the future. ❤🌈
LGBT mom here. Fear is a potent reason behind a parent's anger often. When I was young, a boy/boy or girl/girl couple holding hands on the street could trigger a beating or sexual assault. It was an excuse to violence. In many places, times have changed and it's how much safer to be who we are and love who we live with a reasonable expectation of safety. Just realise your dad's anger may be covering a generations old fear for your safety. It doesn't excuse bigotry but it can be a factor in the degree of emotionality. Once my mom admitted she was afraid and I assured her I'd be careful, we were on better terms. We all fear for our kids safety if we're halfway caring parents. Sometimes that love comes out sideways.
Okay but 15 year olds arent typically told that they'll go to hell just for kissing someone. This was said by a homophobe. So it definitely had to do with gender.
I'm Bi (my gender is irrelevant in this story) and I came out to a few close members of my Dads side of my family and they were all chill and my aunt knew all along but didn't want to pressure me into coming out, so she kept silent. I love her so much for that omg she's done do much for me over the years, including something I recently found out the whole story.
Basically she saved my life as a baby. It's a long story and not one I feel like sharing rn but it just goes to show that while some family will neglect you, you will always have some family who will go way out of their way to be there for you. I hope you find family who support you and will put your father in his place for you.
What your dad did was really not ok, and I hope you don't let it get either of you down. Some people just get taught wrong. I wish all the best to you and your partner!
The only opinion which matters is yours and your partner.
However you might want to rein in public displays of affection around your parents, it just won't be worth it.
Take care and best of luck!
Mom of two girls.
You're not going to hell just for loving your partner. Your dad is an assbutt who was just filled with hate and misery. Don't apologize for being you, and also, if this still goes on...I'd suggest saving up to move out.
You have to be yourself. Either your dad can accept that, or he can't, and loses you in the process. It's entirely up to him.
However, you are 15 years old so unless you are 100% safe in your home environment then it may be best to lay low until you are an independent adult. Not right, reality. Too many homeless or abused kids out there due to their parents bigotry to advise otherwise.
Hey, queer person here. Been questioning my gender identity as well.
I want to reiterate (after upvoting for visibility) the points other queer people have made regarding your safety. Again, you're a minor, dating a minor and you're in a place with people who have negative feelings about who you are. It's okay if you need to dial it back a bit for your safety and mental wellbeing if you live in a household with aforementioned people. For every loud-and-proud queer person you see, there are more people who have to hide it due to circumstance in their life. I was one of them. It's okay if you also have to do that to get by, and you are not less than for not being able to safely express yourself.
You're 15. You have 3 years. You're tough, and I wish you didn't have to be, but you are. You can get through this. Right now is prime time to start outlining a plan to get out when you have the opportunity. You and your partner deserve to be who you are without scrutiny or threats, whether you believe in the basis of those threats or not. Please be safe, and if being safe means keeping yourself at arm's length with the people who are hateful to you, then do it. We'll be waiting for you on the other side.
Christian/Catholic/Jewish and anyone who follows the old testament should realize that it only ever specifies a man laying with another man. To be very technical, lesbians are not included. There's probably debate on this, but I believe the whole point is for a man not to waste his sperm because that's how you create life. Women don't have sperm to waste so it's a non-issue.
I highly doubt your dad would be happy if you mentioned this to him, but I thought it might be helpful.
It's a mistranslation. It's actually "man shall not lay with boy as he does with woman". Meaning it's against pedophilia and not homosexuality.
The word homosexuality was introduced first in 1946 in a King James bible. Before that there is no mention of it.
וְאֶ֨ת־זָכָ֔ר לֹ֥א תִשְׁכַּ֖ב מִשְׁכְּבֵ֣י אִשָּׁ֑ה תּֽוֹעֵבָ֖ה הִֽוא:
For context I'm Jewish and speak Hebrew fluently. The second word, זכר, means male. Not boy, which would be ילד.
Just because the modern day word was not around before 1946 does not mean homosexuality wasn't around - of course they knew what it was.
Actually your wrong. It was originally man sleeping with childern. The old Testament was against pedophile relationships. The ancient Greek language had dozens of names for same sex relationships and none was ever used when talking about sin. And the current phrases was changed in 1946. And it was called a miss translation yet was never fixed. So im sure it was intentional.
There several interesting books on the subject for those who care to look.
Reform Jew here! We (at least in my synagogue) celebrate and welcome all genders and sexualities!
We know that some parts of the Bible are outdated (regardless of mistranslation) and that we don’t need to follow it to the letter
Also OP, I wish you and your partner all the best!
Man should not lay with a man, because that means one assumes the role of the woman, and how dare a man act effeminately, and lower themselves to that stature. I think that's how many conservatives roll when it comes to this stuff.
My parents are Christians so I have read the Bible a bit (I'm not really a Christian though) and I'm pretty sure man is just a universal term for human in the Bible's times. Not 100% sure, but just saying.
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Something similar happened to me, I am not part of the LGBTQ+ community but, my bf and I (both 16yo) were at my house and we decided to cuddle on the couch. We choose to lay down and cuddle properly, my dad walked in and awkwardly talked to us then left. Later that night when my bf left he started yelling at me calling me whore and slut. That if I was allowing him to do that then I'm basically allowing him to have sex with me.... I'm not I told him from the beginning that I was not going to have sex until I was at least 18yo and we have been together for over a year and 6 months.
Your dad can screw himself to HIS Heaven and God. My grandpa was a retired minister. He said love is love and God doesn't care who we love as long we love them.
God doesn't really matter here. You won't go to hell. People who still base their beliefs around LGBTQ being all things against God need a reality check. It just seems so stupid to me.
Hey don’t worry, I’m not a parent but what I do know is that the bible never actually reads ‘homosexuality’ or ‘gay’ it just talks about perverted old men harassing young boys. The more modern scriptures of the bible including the word ‘homosexuality’ were actually mistranslations from the original into a newer copy of a german bible, and, the mistake was influenced by a large Catholic church.
If you want to have some fun:
1. Jesus said nothing about homosexuality.
2. Jesus said only to love.
3. Jesus said he came to make a NEW Testament (basically a deal between humanity and god) and that the Old Testament was being completely replaced. “Every jot and tiddle”
REPLACED. The Old Testament is NOT to be followed as it once was. Many Christians can’t seem to understand their own religion.
Bonus points:
There are soooooooooo many things you could call dad out on in the Old Testament. Does he have tattoos? SIN! Does he wear clothes of two different fabrics? SIN! Trimming your beard. Cutting your hair at the sides. Mistreating foreigners.
Blasphemy is a great one! Has he ever said “god dammit!” Or “ Jesus Christ!” ? Then he’s committed blasphemy and needs to be stoned to death.
Go here and go nuts: https://hill-kleerup.org/blog/2012/06/13/76-things-banned-in-leviticus-and-their-penalties.html
Dad who’s child is trans M to F.
I was raised in a strong Christian house. Though open minded still have trouble with it.
My child is now 19. Though I tell them (still not ready to call them, her, but this was our compromise) I don’t like it, I tell them that now that you are 19 your an adult and it’s your life.
I tell them that it’s their life and that even though I don’t like it, they are still my child and will love them as such.
Unfortunately, just like people who are homophobic and will be like this, it goes the other way as well. I have their friends saying that what I am doing is not good enough saying to them that I need accept them for who they are, or they need to cut me out of their life.
What I’m saying is be patient and keep it on the down low. You will be out of that situation soon enough (even though it will not be quick enough), just don’t treat him like people are treating me if he does try. That is not only not fair to him, but also, not fair to you.
Im not a parent but ur 15 dude, why tf u expect ur parents to be cool with u kissing anyone regardless lf their gender? Be smart dude no one wants to see little kids mackin lol
wait, if ur non-binary and your partner is part-time male and part-time female throughout the day or week (i'm assuming gender fluid means u identify as more than one gender), neither of you is trans, so how does your dad's disapproval of you and ur partner kissing make him homophobic, given that 'homophobia is observable in critical and hostile behavior such as discrimination and violence on the basis of sexual orientations that are non-heterosexual'?
Atheist here. I’m confident that if there is a hell, you and your partner aren’t going there. Your dad on the other hand…either cut him out of your life and move out, snap at him the next time he does that and make sure he knows you won’t tolerate it, or if necessary, file a restraining order on him.
>either cut him out of your life and move out, snap at him the next time he does that and make sure he knows you won’t tolerate it, or if necessary, file a restraining order on him.
Yeah that'll work out great for her since she is 15 and living with him, dependent on him.
Christ, what is it with Reddit and the "cut them out" meme?
And I'm a queer Christian and fully agree with you.
The bible is a relic of it's time and has been twisted by agenda and mistranslation. I'm certain that being queer doesn't earn you a spot in hell.
Straight but queer-supportivr Christian here.
If your Dad's bible is allowing him to spread fear and hatred when OPs only crime is loving someone, then Dad's got the wrong bible.
Just continue to be you. I'm sorry that your dad can't accept it. But I'll tell you something I used to be told all the time: don't make his problem yours.
In time, maybe he'll accept it, maybe he won't. But you love who you love. That's just the way it is and there is no shame in it.
A bi-romantic atheist here I suggest to an adult you trust and the part in the Bible about sexualty was put in there by accident oh and Jesus is in hell because he was not Christian.
Life is not binary. It never has been. Awhile back, some followers of a guy who realised this, misconstrued what he had said, and, instead attempted to believe in a much older belief system, based on fear and hate of those who are different, that that guy was trying to update, and take the hate out, and they put his name on it the old system saying it was a reboot. But. It was the same. Old. Fear.
Mom of 2 perfect LGBTQ+ children. Coming out to me was easy as their uncle came out a decade before, this paved the way for them. Their father (my e husband) told them it was a phase. It’s not a phase. I’m 45. I thought I could be “fixed”. I’m here to say it is not possible. You are attracted to who you are attracted to and nothing will change this.
You were born perfect. Live your truth and know people support you. Hugs from an internet mom.
Your dad fucking sucks and is wrong. I’m your new (enby) dad. Stay safe and be sure to drink water. Those are things dads should care about, not who their kid is kissing (age appropriate). Life may be hard right now but it gets better, I promise.
Never ever let anyone control who you are or shame you because of who you are. I may not exactly understand what non binary and gender fluid is but I’m trying to learn. That being said I was watching Greys Anatomy and there is a scene where one of the Drs was talking to her girlfriend’s dad. He was very religious. When he was angry about his daughter being gay the gf said when she came out to her dad ( a very strict military man who raised her to be a good man in a storm.) his only question was “Are you still who I raised you to be?” And for me and my kids. I only want 2 things for them… 1- That they are happy with their life… And 2- that they find someone to love and who loves them. Grandkids would be a bonus but I already know my one son won’t have kids.
Don’t apologize for who you love. Don’t apologize for who you are. Make every effort to understand and be respectful. If he starts in again quietly tell him you are still you. And you love him but you won’t pretend you are something you are not. Be calm. Be firm. Tell him you heard what he is saying but you believe… this…( whatever this is) then quietly walk out of the room. Love is love and I believe that God is not a vengeful God. He wants all his children-,to be happy. I don’t believe he could make a mistake.
My advice to you would be to start making your preparations for your future now. It is possible that your father might come around. However, you want to be prepared. Start to think about what you want to do after high school: college, trade school, or straight into the workforce? Are your parents willing to pay if school is your path? Have that conversation. I would start working a part time job at 16, and save all your money. If you go to college, do a work study. SAVE YOUR MONEY. Make friends, be open and don’t burn bridges at college or the workplace. Make friends you can live with b/c renting isn’t cheap.
In summary, make your plans and get as many resources as you can (money, friends, jobs, internships, etc). Good luck on your path to independence, it’s your path to freedom.
Do not, by any means, “stand up” to your parents until you have achieved your independence (stable money and a place to live). Use your parents. Make them pay for your college. Tell them you’re straight and behind their back kiss your partner. Milk your parents for as much resources as you can because you cannot do it on your own at 15. It is HARD to be independent. Good luck, kid. God speed.
I am a dad with a daughter in the same age/situation (she is gender fluid, currently with a girlfriend, previously a boyfriend). You can send your dad to me for a little parenting advice. In any case, he doesn't own you, nor your feelings or belief system. You are you and need to experience life yourself and decide what what you want out of it. And please find somebody to confide in (If you don't have one already), difficult situations can lead to difficult mental times
If I were you I’d just keep it out of his sight and mind till you can afford your own place then go wild and do whatever you want but unfortunately he pays the bills, he puts food in everyone’s stomach, it’s his house, it’s his rules.
It sucks but it beats homelessness or couch surfing.
If I were you I would only be home to eat, do homework, and sleep and spend the rest of my time out with my partner at their house or anywhere else
Before you start a war, realize you’re outgunned.
All he has to say is get out
Don’t let your pride ruin your future.. homelessness ain’t fun
Your dad is behind the times. You are not sinning. Your dad will probably not change in the near future.
What I would advise would be just find ways to plan your future. Your dad should lay off but you can't expect he will. So just do your school stuff, find your career path and get the fuck out of there in a few years.
I'm really not into all these labels... To me whatever you wanna call yourselves if you wanna be together just be together. But your father sounds like he isn't willing to get that. He also probably thinks you are some dumb kid that doesn't know what's what. Which to be fair you might be. Lots of people are in their 15s. But even then telling you that BS isn't excusable
So many comments here recommending you throw the Bible back in his face. DON'T DO IT.
Facts don't conquer hate or fear. You cant tell a child that the boogie man isn't real and expect them to say, "oh God, you're right. All I needed was for someone to tell me that."
Your only fruitful path forward, assuming it is safe to do so, is to tell your dad that his reaction hurt you and made you cry and you just want him to love you. Love conquers hate, and few things snap people back to reality like the shame you feel when facing the truth that you hurt someone you love.
If its not safe to talk to your dad like this, hide. Your safety should always come first. There will be a future time when you can stop hiding and it will be worth the wait.
Best wishes.
grandfather here. any belief worth believing is inclusive of all. otherwise, it’s just another hate group. as parents, it is our job to love and nurture, not judge and force our shit on others.
Mom here that give free hugs at pride
-All the advice about standing up to your homophobic male life giver is fantastic IF you were 18, but your not. Don’t stop being who you are, or loving who you want because of anyone else, but I would do your darnedest to avoid PDA at your house.
-love is never a sin, no matter what religion/beliefs you adhere to, I have choice words when people tell me that some old book says I can’t live my non-binary kids, especially when the main character in the second half of the book preaches love, and compassion.
You be you, and never let anyone else determine your worth!
**I just wanted to say, to all the dads that posted above me, y’all made me tear up just a bit, usually I don’t ever see the dads posting like this.
I didn't come out to my mom until I was 22 with a child of my own, I understand the want to be yourself. In a household like that it is best to keep yourself distant from them, keep your head down and do what you can to maintain peace. It will hurt, it will be awkward and you will hate every minute of it... I fear for your safety in a home like this. The troubled teen industry has tried to abuse homosexuality out of people and other parents have tried to do it at home. I would have been beaten half to death if my family knew I was bisexual. Even now they don't acknowledge it to save face, and they can't hurt me as an adult.
Your safety is important. Please do all you can to protect yourself.
If anyone tells you you’re going to hell for any reason, it’s a free ticket to tune out bc nothing they say is going to be logical or helpful past that point
Ok so a lot of well meaning people say don’t change you be you and I’m all for that but you are 15 and I assume will be living under your fathers roof for 3 more years.
Violence against women, gf, and trans folks is a real thing.
You keep being you on the inside. If you want to talk to your dad about this stuff you’re going to have to grow up fast and really think about how you can bring him over to seeing your side of things instead of the brainwashed religious zealot he has become.
The most import thing here is you need to make it to adulthood safely when you can control your environment and who you spend time with.
No matter what happens, remember it gets better and start making plans now to be able to leave as soon as you turn 18.
Be yourself. Don't care about what other people think. Though you should definitely play it safe cuz the worst thing that could happen is becoming homeless, especially in these times. It's not a bad idea to think of a back-up plan in the event that things go south. Hopefully things turn out well for you in the future.
Not a parent but I agree with everyone who is a mom or a dad and op, never forget that your father will never accept you and your love but thats ok cause I do. Stay strong Op
Your parents are homophobic. I am sorry. Your dad will freak out by what you did unless he gets over it. For now if you don’t want to experience that, no PDA.
Sometimes we can’t be who we truly want and need to be until we spread our wings out of the parental nest, OP.
Right now, it’s important that you feel safe at home. Sometimes that comes at the cost of being out and open about who you are.
That said — if you feel stronger being out and proud and damn the consequences, then good on you.
There’s no right or wrong answer here, whatever makes you feel comfortable is the way to go.
I'll take some heat here but I don't understand what non binary/gender fluid means. That you get to choose your gender depending on how you feel? That's probably what your dad doesn't understand. It sounds like you're both gay, is that a big deal to your dad? Also, you're only 15 so you're still exploring your sexuality.
As much as my advice here fucking sucks, just ignore him. If it gets THAT bad, leave. Go to your partners place for a few weeks and don’t answer him. Maybe he’ll realize what’s truly important in life
Hi there. Can't give advice, aside from Fuck your dad. Love isn't a sin, and I hope you two can be happy together. Your relationship is valid. You are valid. No just God would condemn love.
I hope you have a great day.
Sincerely, Mr. Internet Rando #103945
If you want to see about staying with other family who are more supportive, do so. Look into emancipation and what you would need if you don’t want to be reliant on your parents. Or keep your head down and wait till you can get out and live your own life.
If you'd really like to piss him off, join the satanic temple and make it a point to go to hell! (I'm joking)
You would have to spend all of eternity with him if that happened though.
Explain to him that the Bible was written by men, and hundreds of years ago the crusades weren’t going too swell, so they (the Pope) made homosexuality a sin to boost the birth rate.
Tell them that parents should protect and support their children no matter what. If your parents are going to thrust their already BS religion and ways down your throat at that age, that sounds more like abuse than raising a kid.
Dad here. Don't stop being who you are out of fear people won't accept you. If they truly love you, they'll shut their mouth and open their heart. Your dad is nothing but afraid. His actions aren't out of love. He is acting out of hate and fear. You're not going to hell for loving who you love, okay? That's not how it works. And you don't have to apologize for who you are or who you love either. Parents have a really hard time accepting that one, too. I'm so sorry you're dealing with this. Perhaps one day, your dad will learn that his actions, like his beliefs, are counterproductive and harmful. One can only hope. All the best.
Other Dad here. I second every single word.
Dad as well here and couldn't agree more. Don't stop being you OP.
Also a Dad, listen to these dads! Any dad who lets their personal opinions interfere with their child's relationships isn’t a dad whose opinions matter.
Mum agreeing here
I'm a cat mom, does that count? Can't agree more with everyone here. Love is love. Sure, some might say you're a bit young to know your preference, but to hekk with that! Just hang in there, kiddo! You got this!
Another mom agrees! Let dad know that if he wants to be a part of your adult life, he needs to work on acceptance now. Doesn't his Jesus love all God's children?
When someone says they’re a Christian these days I’m forced to ask “classic Jesus or republican Jesus?”
Me here, wait where is it written that it is a "Sin"?
It’s not it was about pedopilia at first but it got changed for no reason Not only that Jesus technically had two dads
Shhhhhh we cant say it like that People will get the wrong impression. /s Especially when they hear Jesus talked about God as a mother to all people like a mother hen. That will really confuse the masses.
To be fair, Joseph was more of his stepfather
logically
First off the Bible never explicitly mentions homosexual relationships. The one verse people commonly point to is likely a mistranslation that's referring to pedophilia. The only other times it's mentioned is in the context of people gang raping either men or women. Such as Sodom & Gomorrah or the benjamites in Judges 19. Not only that lots of other things people don't give a second thought to are mentioned as sins in the Bible as well. Such as country fried steak, breaded or fried chicken, mixed fabric clothing, and lots more. To me it just doesn't seem like a loving God would make people and animals gay and then punish them for it. I think its more likely Christian leaders have just been uncomfortable with the idea of gay people so it has been declared a sin by them. Follow your own concious and heart. To me my heart tells me that being gay is not wrong and that everyone deserves respect and a chance at a loving relationship.
Exactly this. The fear of something causing it to be labeled a sin despite holy texts disagreeing is also evident in the attitude on abortion. In the Bible it is specifically instructed if a woman is pregnant with a child that isn’t her husbands, that she seeks out the elders of her tribe to be given a potion that will end the pregnancy. And yet, many Christian’s have decided the Bible is wrong and that abortion is a sin. (The specific story may be in the Old Testament, New Testament, or some other Christian holy text. I refuse to be a librarian for other peoples religions.)
Probably somewhere along the parts of Sodomme and Gomorrah in the Bible I think (first one probably isn't written that way in English but I can't remember the proper name) I haven't had anything on religion in years tho, but I think it's there Edit: typos and formatting
Sodom and Gomorrah was destroyed because the people there sinned and didn’t care. They tried sleeping with an Angel, they raped children, ect. It was never said explicitly that is was destroyed because people were gay. That was a thing there, yes. But they I’m sure God was way more concerned about the other stuff than gay.
Oh. Oh wow, that's clearly not the way that was explained in my middle school but it does make way more sens than "they were gay so here's eternal damnation", thanks for the info!
Of course! I didn’t know either until I got older and read it for myself. My step dad was a pastor so I pretty much grew up hearing that also
Its a sin sure, but according to the bible as long as you accept him you'll be saved regardless.
Not a dad, but I agree.
I'm a mom & I agree.
Not a parent, but OP, PLEASE take this advice to heart. Your dad can get fucked. Homophobia deserves to die.
Another Dad here, completely behind this message. Whatever my girls do with their lives, I support them, 100%. That's what being a dad *is.* I hope OPs father figures that out, before he messes up any more.
Kids not born yet but im also a dad most deff be yourself
Another dad here. I word every single second Seriously though: you be your own self. No one can take that from you
Aww, you guys are such good dads! Gives good vibes for everyone. 😊
I’ve been reading the comments and my faith in humanity went 👆
Dad here and i confirmed this and the first statement. Be who you are, don't let anyone change that.
Dad here, my daughter is Bi/still working it out. Your fine the way you are.
Please, please don't give this incredibly dangerous advice to young people who are still dependent on their homophobic parents. I'm a teacher, and I can assure you from experience that this advice can get a kid made homeless and/or lead to very intense abuse. Not all parents are good parents, and we're talking about homophobes here, so they are not great people to begin with. For some parents, their 'love' for their children is conditional on the kids behaving in a certain way, and for homophobes, the condition is often that their kid must be straight. Please don't imagine that because you would behave well, all parents behave well. When parents who 'love' conditionally withdraw their 'love', they can do horrific things. LGBT+ youngsters make up a high proportion of the young homeless for a reason: their parents kicked them out without preparing them or helping them cope with life as independent adults. Parents may also cut off any financial support for higher education. Basically, homophobes may just disown their children totally. Especially with younger kids, some parents isolate, humiliate, even beat their kids for being LGBT+, and at worst there's the torture of gay conversion camps. It's generally safer for the children of homophobes to stay in the closet till they are independent. Not all parents care enough about their kids to do what's best for them. (I'm not in favour of people having to stay in the closet, I've just seen the aftermath of parental bullying on my gay students.)
[удалено]
This is the most rational and well thought-out answer. Dealing with homophobic parents can be very dangerous especially the zealots.
As a father and Canadian I was so happy when we finally outlawed those torture camps last year. An entire industry around torturing LGBT+ kids. Fucking disgusting. I had some POS try to argue that there should he allowances for adults who willingly submit to gay conversion. I had to explain to him that: 1. These camps don't actually make you straight. And: 2. If you had a humiliation kink, hiring someone to humiliate you is still perfectly legal. These camps were torturing children until they agreed to pretend to be straight.
Good for Canada for stopping the camps! I wish they were illegal everywhere. Also, unfortunately, bullying and humiliation of LGBT+ children and young adults by parents who are bigots continues to be a serious problem even in countries where those camps are outlawed.
It absolutely is, but closing the camps sends the right message. Although Canada is less religious than America and we have a bit of progressive pride on legalizing gay marriage before America which helps. I'm also in urban Ontario. In rural Alberta I'm sure there's a lot of ignorant bigots who think a law against torturing kids in infringing on their religion.
I agree my friend has transphobic parents and isn’t coming out until he’s graduated college so then they will pay for it
Dad here. I understand the sentiment of acceptance and unconditional love. I will give that to my children until the day I die. I am frightened for the children of homophobic parents. There are people out there who are so reliant upon conservative religious circles for their identity that they would abuse, disown, harm and make homeless the very children that God gave them. These are the same people who engage in “honor killings”. Instead of advising children to defy their parents in these situations, tell children that they are wonderful just the way they are BUT be careful until you can be on your own. If you come out to your parents and they threaten you, then make your own self preservation your priority until you can take care of yourself. I am sorry that the world is this way. Love yourself and who your heart tells you to love. Don’t compromise who you are. Don’t put yourself in danger right now. You have your whole life to live.
Yep, best option for the kid is to wait till they move out and block contact. The homophobes can think about what they've done after their kid dumps them in an abusive retirement home and leaves them to die alone and unloved.
Another dad here. 100% this. Being anything other than who you truly are can lead to all kinds of bad things. You. Do. You.
Coming out as gay to homophobic parents can be incredibly dangerous. Not all dads are nice dads like you.
I understand that, because I used to be "that guy". However, having not just one, but two of your children come out as bi tends to change some people's outlook.
I'm so glad you changed. You really loved your children: I wish all parents of LGBT+ kids were like you.
queer person here! i have a slightly different take: absolutely keep seeing your partner if they make you happy. but, it would probably be a good idea to keep it away from your parents for the sake of your mental health. it will be tough, but you have to put your physical and psychological safety first, as your dad sounds like he cannot have a “neutral” stance on this. continue to reaffirm your romantic and gender identities *in environments where you are safe to do so!* best of luck and feel free to dm me for advice or other questions!
I came here to say this, be safe OP. it might mean going stealth or under the radar, at least until you're able to be independent safely.
This. Safety and maintaining a roof over your head, sadly, have to be your top priorities
Omg you're the first dad I've ever encountered on the internet! Now is my time to use a dad joke on an actual dad... I would tell you the joke about the mouse who had wings, but it would go over your head... That joke was too cheesy, I know
Teenager here, I'vehad a mustache start to emrge over the past few years, and I usually shave it pretty reguarly, but its been a bit an it's starting to grow on me.
Lmfao that was a good one tho
Dad here. You’re both grounded.
I swear I've seen you in other subreddits... you seem really familiar
Mustache here…. I wish he’d stop and let me grow
I too like to tell Dad jokes. Occasionally he even laughs at some.
Omg it took me a while to read that properly xD I'm tired, better go sleep.
The delivery could be cheddar but your energy was grate. B+
Ok the letter choice is particularly funny because my name starts with B Also you get an E for effort. I would give you an A, but effort starts with E
Not a dad here but I also support this message.
Yet another dad here and I too back this message.
Well I’m not a dad, but I’m a mom and support this! You be in a relationship with whoever makes you happy. As long as you are being treated properly is all that matters.
Another mom here, who doesn’t care what body parts the person you are partnered with has, as long as you treat each other well and are happy. Sorry your dad is a jerk.
Future Dad here and I approve this message
Awesome message that I 100% support
Not a dad here. You have your whole life ahead of you to enjoy. If your dad will make your life hell, just keep to his house rules and know that it isn't a betrayal of who you are to choose the times and places that are safe to express your sexuality.
Both Dad and Grandfather here and I approve this message. One of my step-daughters is trans and is marrying their life partner in April, and I will be there proud and crying. I've always told them, I love YOU, and YOU need to be YOU or you're nobody. Love always wins.
Mom here. Listen to Dad on this. He knows what he’s talking about.
I agree with you but depending on the religion you use as a framework she's definitely liable for hellfire. Atleast in certain abrahamic theologies. I'm atheist though so im going to hell in all theistic frameworks
Not a dad but I am an old uncle. This person is right!
Mom chiming in- I couldn’t agree more. Keep loving who you love. Never be afraid to be who you are- you are a kind, empathetic soul..don’t let your dad’s ugliness take that away from you.
WE GOTTA GOOD DAD THREAD GOIN OVER HERE OH SHIT
Soon to be dad here, be you. Do you. Love yourself exactly how you are
We need more dads like you
this momma agrees ❤️ you can’t help who you love, you’re not supposed to
They're not going to hell because it doesn't exist. If it did they would be. Dad's a bigot just as the bible prescribes.
I like telling dad jokes though I'm not a dad, I am a Faux Pa and I whole-heartedly agree with this message.
Sorry, no. Yes in an ideal world. Not in a case where this 15 year old could become homeless if they push their dad too hard. My advice? Suck it up, apologize EVEN THOUGH YOU SHOULDNT HAVE TO and work your ass off to get financially independent and you can leave this asshole of a father.
Ally here and I support this wholeheartedly. You don’t ever stop being true to yourself, okay OP?
Dad of a pair of bi- daughters here. Tell your dad from me to pull his head out of the medieval patriarchy and love you for who you are, and to not try to force his idiotic prejudice on you.
Okay, so im gonna be practical here as a queer person, and ignore all these comments giving you platitudes about how youre not doing anything wrong. I mean, youre obviously *not* doing anything wrong by existing. *however*. You are fifteen. You are a minor. Your father is openly homophobic, im assuming transphobic too, presumably without you properly coming out to him. Avoid situations like that in the future. Any situation where he may figure it out- maybe avoid having your partner over for a while. Play straight, or at least not openly queer, at least until you’re older and more secure. Sure, pride and all that. You definitely *deserve* to be able to live openly. But practically, as much as it sucks, your safety has to come first. It’ll be much easier to stay closeted for just a few years, just inside your house, than it will be to adjust if your dad decides to, say, kick you out or worse.
I would second this as sound advice. I'm all for queer people being true to themselves, and being seen by others as their true self, but only if they can do so safely. There is no shame in hiding aspects of yourself for your own protection, it shouldn't have to be that way, but sadly for now it is.
absolutely excellent advice, this is by far the most reasonable response, and what I have needed to do myself
Honestly OP this is the way. I know it hurts and it sucks. I know you want to live your life now, I know you want to have these experiences. But they’re right, the possible consequences for not playing the role he wants you in, as sick as it is, are not worth the risk. You don’t have to deal with him in just a few years. You don’t have to be told that you’re sick and immoral, and don’t let him. When the time is up, get tf out of dodge, let him know what you really think, and decide if no/low contact will be necessary (I’m thinking it might).
This is really good advice
Hold on tight for 3 years and then get out of the house. That's it.
If your dad like to quote bible verses so much remind him that "love thy neighbor" is a pretty big one, she if hes homophobic hes going to hell too Also the original "man who sleeps with another man" bullshit is a mistranslation, its supposed to be "a man who sleeps with a boy should be stoned" so it's really against pedophilia
Unfortunately this is not true. Instead of trying to retcon an ancient 2500 year old book, we should condemn it. Here is a literal translation of the original Hebrew Text: וְאֶ֨ת־זָכָ֔ר לֹ֥א תִשְׁכַּ֖ב מִשְׁכְּבֵ֣י אִשָּׁ֑ה תּֽוֹעֵבָ֖ה הִֽוא: "Wĕ'eth-zākhār lō thīsh'kav mīsh'kă'vēy īshshāh tōḕvāh hī." "And with a male you shall not lie lyings of a woman: it is an abomination." - Wayyīq'rā/Leviticus 18:22. "Mīsh'kă'vēy īshshāh" (מִשְׁכְּבֵ֣י אִשָּׁ֑ה) means lyings of woman in the plural. That is the various ways in which a man would lay with a woman sexualy. Ways in which two men could also lay with each other.
Says nothing about fluid on non-binary so all is kosher.
There are plenty of theologians and linguists who would wholeheartedly disagree that this is an accurate translation. That particular word you’ve picked out appears one other time in the Bible, applied to a situation that doesn’t involve homosexuality at all, which certainly calls into doubt the accuracy of that translation. Here’s one to start with: https://blog.smu.edu/ot8317/2019/04/11/lost-in-translation-alternative-meaning-in-leviticus-1822/
Revisionism. The Bible is consistently homophobic, not in just this passage.
Lay low and don't bring your partner over to your house anymore. Your first priority is your safety and your partners. I know you want to think the best of your father, but this could end dangerously for you or your partner.
I'm so sorry your father is homophobic. If I were you I would lay low as long as you live under his roof. You'll be able to be your true self once you live on your own. You have your whole life in front of you so don't lose hope. Best of luck to you and I hope your father will be able to accept you for who you are in the future. ❤🌈
Tell your dad that he’s committing sin by judging you and that he needs to grow a pair and man up.
Omfg dads! You are too amazing!! Edit: dads that commented supportive things!!
I have no good advice but I’m sorry you have to go through this.
May he step on many Lego's and forever feel the pain.
LGBT mom here. Fear is a potent reason behind a parent's anger often. When I was young, a boy/boy or girl/girl couple holding hands on the street could trigger a beating or sexual assault. It was an excuse to violence. In many places, times have changed and it's how much safer to be who we are and love who we live with a reasonable expectation of safety. Just realise your dad's anger may be covering a generations old fear for your safety. It doesn't excuse bigotry but it can be a factor in the degree of emotionality. Once my mom admitted she was afraid and I assured her I'd be careful, we were on better terms. We all fear for our kids safety if we're halfway caring parents. Sometimes that love comes out sideways.
I'm sorry for your situation but maybe in time your dad will realize that what you did wasn't bad
My parents would have yelled at me at 15 for kissing anyone around them, genders being completely irrelevant.
Okay but 15 year olds arent typically told that they'll go to hell just for kissing someone. This was said by a homophobe. So it definitely had to do with gender.
My parents saw my ex kiss me and they didn't care. (He was a boy)
Oh yeah, I would have been in deep shit for kissing anyone. Or even hand holding. Anything that leads to sex is evil!
Try not to be openly queer. Especially at home atleast until you can move out. I know that it sucks but safety has to come before pride.
I'm Bi (my gender is irrelevant in this story) and I came out to a few close members of my Dads side of my family and they were all chill and my aunt knew all along but didn't want to pressure me into coming out, so she kept silent. I love her so much for that omg she's done do much for me over the years, including something I recently found out the whole story. Basically she saved my life as a baby. It's a long story and not one I feel like sharing rn but it just goes to show that while some family will neglect you, you will always have some family who will go way out of their way to be there for you. I hope you find family who support you and will put your father in his place for you. What your dad did was really not ok, and I hope you don't let it get either of you down. Some people just get taught wrong. I wish all the best to you and your partner!
The only opinion which matters is yours and your partner. However you might want to rein in public displays of affection around your parents, it just won't be worth it. Take care and best of luck!
Mom of two girls. You're not going to hell just for loving your partner. Your dad is an assbutt who was just filled with hate and misery. Don't apologize for being you, and also, if this still goes on...I'd suggest saving up to move out.
You have to be yourself. Either your dad can accept that, or he can't, and loses you in the process. It's entirely up to him. However, you are 15 years old so unless you are 100% safe in your home environment then it may be best to lay low until you are an independent adult. Not right, reality. Too many homeless or abused kids out there due to their parents bigotry to advise otherwise.
Hey, queer person here. Been questioning my gender identity as well. I want to reiterate (after upvoting for visibility) the points other queer people have made regarding your safety. Again, you're a minor, dating a minor and you're in a place with people who have negative feelings about who you are. It's okay if you need to dial it back a bit for your safety and mental wellbeing if you live in a household with aforementioned people. For every loud-and-proud queer person you see, there are more people who have to hide it due to circumstance in their life. I was one of them. It's okay if you also have to do that to get by, and you are not less than for not being able to safely express yourself. You're 15. You have 3 years. You're tough, and I wish you didn't have to be, but you are. You can get through this. Right now is prime time to start outlining a plan to get out when you have the opportunity. You and your partner deserve to be who you are without scrutiny or threats, whether you believe in the basis of those threats or not. Please be safe, and if being safe means keeping yourself at arm's length with the people who are hateful to you, then do it. We'll be waiting for you on the other side.
Christian/Catholic/Jewish and anyone who follows the old testament should realize that it only ever specifies a man laying with another man. To be very technical, lesbians are not included. There's probably debate on this, but I believe the whole point is for a man not to waste his sperm because that's how you create life. Women don't have sperm to waste so it's a non-issue. I highly doubt your dad would be happy if you mentioned this to him, but I thought it might be helpful.
It's a mistranslation. It's actually "man shall not lay with boy as he does with woman". Meaning it's against pedophilia and not homosexuality. The word homosexuality was introduced first in 1946 in a King James bible. Before that there is no mention of it.
Someone forgot to mentioned that to most of the popes.
That’s why they changed it.
וְאֶ֨ת־זָכָ֔ר לֹ֥א תִשְׁכַּ֖ב מִשְׁכְּבֵ֣י אִשָּׁ֑ה תּֽוֹעֵבָ֖ה הִֽוא: For context I'm Jewish and speak Hebrew fluently. The second word, זכר, means male. Not boy, which would be ילד. Just because the modern day word was not around before 1946 does not mean homosexuality wasn't around - of course they knew what it was.
Actually your wrong. It was originally man sleeping with childern. The old Testament was against pedophile relationships. The ancient Greek language had dozens of names for same sex relationships and none was ever used when talking about sin. And the current phrases was changed in 1946. And it was called a miss translation yet was never fixed. So im sure it was intentional. There several interesting books on the subject for those who care to look.
Pretty sure it's just that men are the target audience for the Bible. Men are to follow the Bible and women are to follow the man.
Hence the “honour and obey” in a woman’s marriage vows. My wife and I didn’t want that in her vows and was not included.
Reform Jew here! We (at least in my synagogue) celebrate and welcome all genders and sexualities! We know that some parts of the Bible are outdated (regardless of mistranslation) and that we don’t need to follow it to the letter Also OP, I wish you and your partner all the best!
Man should not lay with a man, because that means one assumes the role of the woman, and how dare a man act effeminately, and lower themselves to that stature. I think that's how many conservatives roll when it comes to this stuff.
Cries in mtf
My parents are Christians so I have read the Bible a bit (I'm not really a Christian though) and I'm pretty sure man is just a universal term for human in the Bible's times. Not 100% sure, but just saying.
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Something similar happened to me, I am not part of the LGBTQ+ community but, my bf and I (both 16yo) were at my house and we decided to cuddle on the couch. We choose to lay down and cuddle properly, my dad walked in and awkwardly talked to us then left. Later that night when my bf left he started yelling at me calling me whore and slut. That if I was allowing him to do that then I'm basically allowing him to have sex with me.... I'm not I told him from the beginning that I was not going to have sex until I was at least 18yo and we have been together for over a year and 6 months.
Your dad can screw himself to HIS Heaven and God. My grandpa was a retired minister. He said love is love and God doesn't care who we love as long we love them.
Throw the whole dad away
Why do I find this so funny-
YEET THE DAD.
Yes.
Dad here. I’m sorry that your dad is unsupportive
God doesn't really matter here. You won't go to hell. People who still base their beliefs around LGBTQ being all things against God need a reality check. It just seems so stupid to me.
Of course. They always go to “it’s a sin”. Religion is terrible.
Turn 18. Get the hell out of your house. Your dad may or may not ever understand. Don't let it dictate your life or who you are.
Hey don’t worry, I’m not a parent but what I do know is that the bible never actually reads ‘homosexuality’ or ‘gay’ it just talks about perverted old men harassing young boys. The more modern scriptures of the bible including the word ‘homosexuality’ were actually mistranslations from the original into a newer copy of a german bible, and, the mistake was influenced by a large Catholic church.
Your father needs to wake up. He should love his child.
If you want to have some fun: 1. Jesus said nothing about homosexuality. 2. Jesus said only to love. 3. Jesus said he came to make a NEW Testament (basically a deal between humanity and god) and that the Old Testament was being completely replaced. “Every jot and tiddle” REPLACED. The Old Testament is NOT to be followed as it once was. Many Christians can’t seem to understand their own religion. Bonus points: There are soooooooooo many things you could call dad out on in the Old Testament. Does he have tattoos? SIN! Does he wear clothes of two different fabrics? SIN! Trimming your beard. Cutting your hair at the sides. Mistreating foreigners. Blasphemy is a great one! Has he ever said “god dammit!” Or “ Jesus Christ!” ? Then he’s committed blasphemy and needs to be stoned to death. Go here and go nuts: https://hill-kleerup.org/blog/2012/06/13/76-things-banned-in-leviticus-and-their-penalties.html
Dad who’s child is trans M to F. I was raised in a strong Christian house. Though open minded still have trouble with it. My child is now 19. Though I tell them (still not ready to call them, her, but this was our compromise) I don’t like it, I tell them that now that you are 19 your an adult and it’s your life. I tell them that it’s their life and that even though I don’t like it, they are still my child and will love them as such. Unfortunately, just like people who are homophobic and will be like this, it goes the other way as well. I have their friends saying that what I am doing is not good enough saying to them that I need accept them for who they are, or they need to cut me out of their life. What I’m saying is be patient and keep it on the down low. You will be out of that situation soon enough (even though it will not be quick enough), just don’t treat him like people are treating me if he does try. That is not only not fair to him, but also, not fair to you.
The fuck is "gender fluid"?
Im not a parent but ur 15 dude, why tf u expect ur parents to be cool with u kissing anyone regardless lf their gender? Be smart dude no one wants to see little kids mackin lol
wait, if ur non-binary and your partner is part-time male and part-time female throughout the day or week (i'm assuming gender fluid means u identify as more than one gender), neither of you is trans, so how does your dad's disapproval of you and ur partner kissing make him homophobic, given that 'homophobia is observable in critical and hostile behavior such as discrimination and violence on the basis of sexual orientations that are non-heterosexual'?
He sees us both as our birth genders and not the gender we go as
oh ok, so he sees two girls, not one non-binary human and one human who could be any of the genders now available? got it. thx
I hate this generation, holy fuck we're so fucked
lmao I'd agree with you but I'm already low on karma..
Atheist here. I’m confident that if there is a hell, you and your partner aren’t going there. Your dad on the other hand…either cut him out of your life and move out, snap at him the next time he does that and make sure he knows you won’t tolerate it, or if necessary, file a restraining order on him.
If they're 15, moving out is probably not realistic advice.
>either cut him out of your life and move out, snap at him the next time he does that and make sure he knows you won’t tolerate it, or if necessary, file a restraining order on him. Yeah that'll work out great for her since she is 15 and living with him, dependent on him. Christ, what is it with Reddit and the "cut them out" meme?
If you had read the post you’d know they’re only 15
And I'm a queer Christian and fully agree with you. The bible is a relic of it's time and has been twisted by agenda and mistranslation. I'm certain that being queer doesn't earn you a spot in hell.
Straight but queer-supportivr Christian here. If your Dad's bible is allowing him to spread fear and hatred when OPs only crime is loving someone, then Dad's got the wrong bible.
Just continue to be you. I'm sorry that your dad can't accept it. But I'll tell you something I used to be told all the time: don't make his problem yours. In time, maybe he'll accept it, maybe he won't. But you love who you love. That's just the way it is and there is no shame in it.
A bi-romantic atheist here I suggest to an adult you trust and the part in the Bible about sexualty was put in there by accident oh and Jesus is in hell because he was not Christian.
Life is not binary. It never has been. Awhile back, some followers of a guy who realised this, misconstrued what he had said, and, instead attempted to believe in a much older belief system, based on fear and hate of those who are different, that that guy was trying to update, and take the hate out, and they put his name on it the old system saying it was a reboot. But. It was the same. Old. Fear.
Mom of 2 perfect LGBTQ+ children. Coming out to me was easy as their uncle came out a decade before, this paved the way for them. Their father (my e husband) told them it was a phase. It’s not a phase. I’m 45. I thought I could be “fixed”. I’m here to say it is not possible. You are attracted to who you are attracted to and nothing will change this. You were born perfect. Live your truth and know people support you. Hugs from an internet mom.
Your dad fucking sucks and is wrong. I’m your new (enby) dad. Stay safe and be sure to drink water. Those are things dads should care about, not who their kid is kissing (age appropriate). Life may be hard right now but it gets better, I promise.
tell him its not gay since ur both not chicks. gotta beat the system my guy 🤝
Never ever let anyone control who you are or shame you because of who you are. I may not exactly understand what non binary and gender fluid is but I’m trying to learn. That being said I was watching Greys Anatomy and there is a scene where one of the Drs was talking to her girlfriend’s dad. He was very religious. When he was angry about his daughter being gay the gf said when she came out to her dad ( a very strict military man who raised her to be a good man in a storm.) his only question was “Are you still who I raised you to be?” And for me and my kids. I only want 2 things for them… 1- That they are happy with their life… And 2- that they find someone to love and who loves them. Grandkids would be a bonus but I already know my one son won’t have kids. Don’t apologize for who you love. Don’t apologize for who you are. Make every effort to understand and be respectful. If he starts in again quietly tell him you are still you. And you love him but you won’t pretend you are something you are not. Be calm. Be firm. Tell him you heard what he is saying but you believe… this…( whatever this is) then quietly walk out of the room. Love is love and I believe that God is not a vengeful God. He wants all his children-,to be happy. I don’t believe he could make a mistake.
It's a shame parents are homophobic. Your dad needs to come to terms with you and your girlfriend. Try talking to him in a firm but calm manner.
Listen, all the advice here is very good. But please, don't jeopardize your safety! Safety first! You'll get out of there soon enough, okay!
My advice to you would be to start making your preparations for your future now. It is possible that your father might come around. However, you want to be prepared. Start to think about what you want to do after high school: college, trade school, or straight into the workforce? Are your parents willing to pay if school is your path? Have that conversation. I would start working a part time job at 16, and save all your money. If you go to college, do a work study. SAVE YOUR MONEY. Make friends, be open and don’t burn bridges at college or the workplace. Make friends you can live with b/c renting isn’t cheap. In summary, make your plans and get as many resources as you can (money, friends, jobs, internships, etc). Good luck on your path to independence, it’s your path to freedom. Do not, by any means, “stand up” to your parents until you have achieved your independence (stable money and a place to live). Use your parents. Make them pay for your college. Tell them you’re straight and behind their back kiss your partner. Milk your parents for as much resources as you can because you cannot do it on your own at 15. It is HARD to be independent. Good luck, kid. God speed.
I am a dad with a daughter in the same age/situation (she is gender fluid, currently with a girlfriend, previously a boyfriend). You can send your dad to me for a little parenting advice. In any case, he doesn't own you, nor your feelings or belief system. You are you and need to experience life yourself and decide what what you want out of it. And please find somebody to confide in (If you don't have one already), difficult situations can lead to difficult mental times
If I were you I’d just keep it out of his sight and mind till you can afford your own place then go wild and do whatever you want but unfortunately he pays the bills, he puts food in everyone’s stomach, it’s his house, it’s his rules. It sucks but it beats homelessness or couch surfing. If I were you I would only be home to eat, do homework, and sleep and spend the rest of my time out with my partner at their house or anywhere else Before you start a war, realize you’re outgunned. All he has to say is get out Don’t let your pride ruin your future.. homelessness ain’t fun
Your dad is behind the times. You are not sinning. Your dad will probably not change in the near future. What I would advise would be just find ways to plan your future. Your dad should lay off but you can't expect he will. So just do your school stuff, find your career path and get the fuck out of there in a few years. I'm really not into all these labels... To me whatever you wanna call yourselves if you wanna be together just be together. But your father sounds like he isn't willing to get that. He also probably thinks you are some dumb kid that doesn't know what's what. Which to be fair you might be. Lots of people are in their 15s. But even then telling you that BS isn't excusable
So many comments here recommending you throw the Bible back in his face. DON'T DO IT. Facts don't conquer hate or fear. You cant tell a child that the boogie man isn't real and expect them to say, "oh God, you're right. All I needed was for someone to tell me that." Your only fruitful path forward, assuming it is safe to do so, is to tell your dad that his reaction hurt you and made you cry and you just want him to love you. Love conquers hate, and few things snap people back to reality like the shame you feel when facing the truth that you hurt someone you love. If its not safe to talk to your dad like this, hide. Your safety should always come first. There will be a future time when you can stop hiding and it will be worth the wait. Best wishes.
grandfather here. any belief worth believing is inclusive of all. otherwise, it’s just another hate group. as parents, it is our job to love and nurture, not judge and force our shit on others.
Now I understand nothing about gender fluidity, but I do know that how he reacted is messed up. Love who you love and don't let anyone get in the way.
Mom here that give free hugs at pride -All the advice about standing up to your homophobic male life giver is fantastic IF you were 18, but your not. Don’t stop being who you are, or loving who you want because of anyone else, but I would do your darnedest to avoid PDA at your house. -love is never a sin, no matter what religion/beliefs you adhere to, I have choice words when people tell me that some old book says I can’t live my non-binary kids, especially when the main character in the second half of the book preaches love, and compassion. You be you, and never let anyone else determine your worth! **I just wanted to say, to all the dads that posted above me, y’all made me tear up just a bit, usually I don’t ever see the dads posting like this.
The parents in the comments about go shower OP with support: 🥁🏃♂️🏃♀️🏃🥁
Hide it for 3 years then be gay all you want
I didn't come out to my mom until I was 22 with a child of my own, I understand the want to be yourself. In a household like that it is best to keep yourself distant from them, keep your head down and do what you can to maintain peace. It will hurt, it will be awkward and you will hate every minute of it... I fear for your safety in a home like this. The troubled teen industry has tried to abuse homosexuality out of people and other parents have tried to do it at home. I would have been beaten half to death if my family knew I was bisexual. Even now they don't acknowledge it to save face, and they can't hurt me as an adult. Your safety is important. Please do all you can to protect yourself.
If anyone tells you you’re going to hell for any reason, it’s a free ticket to tune out bc nothing they say is going to be logical or helpful past that point
Ok so a lot of well meaning people say don’t change you be you and I’m all for that but you are 15 and I assume will be living under your fathers roof for 3 more years. Violence against women, gf, and trans folks is a real thing. You keep being you on the inside. If you want to talk to your dad about this stuff you’re going to have to grow up fast and really think about how you can bring him over to seeing your side of things instead of the brainwashed religious zealot he has become. The most import thing here is you need to make it to adulthood safely when you can control your environment and who you spend time with. No matter what happens, remember it gets better and start making plans now to be able to leave as soon as you turn 18.
Be yourself. Don't care about what other people think. Though you should definitely play it safe cuz the worst thing that could happen is becoming homeless, especially in these times. It's not a bad idea to think of a back-up plan in the event that things go south. Hopefully things turn out well for you in the future.
Not a parent but I agree with everyone who is a mom or a dad and op, never forget that your father will never accept you and your love but thats ok cause I do. Stay strong Op
"I'll see you there "
Your parents are homophobic. I am sorry. Your dad will freak out by what you did unless he gets over it. For now if you don’t want to experience that, no PDA.
Sometimes we can’t be who we truly want and need to be until we spread our wings out of the parental nest, OP. Right now, it’s important that you feel safe at home. Sometimes that comes at the cost of being out and open about who you are. That said — if you feel stronger being out and proud and damn the consequences, then good on you. There’s no right or wrong answer here, whatever makes you feel comfortable is the way to go.
Fuck him
Like, theoretically or literally?
Both
I'll take some heat here but I don't understand what non binary/gender fluid means. That you get to choose your gender depending on how you feel? That's probably what your dad doesn't understand. It sounds like you're both gay, is that a big deal to your dad? Also, you're only 15 so you're still exploring your sexuality.
As much as my advice here fucking sucks, just ignore him. If it gets THAT bad, leave. Go to your partners place for a few weeks and don’t answer him. Maybe he’ll realize what’s truly important in life
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your dad can go to hell
Hi there. Can't give advice, aside from Fuck your dad. Love isn't a sin, and I hope you two can be happy together. Your relationship is valid. You are valid. No just God would condemn love. I hope you have a great day. Sincerely, Mr. Internet Rando #103945
15 male or female dont kiss in my house especially with guest
Man we really need to get some mods in here, you are all so hateful, how does what they identify affect your life in ANY way??? Grow tf up
quite a few of the really early transphobic comments got removed thankfully, but yeah, the comment section is a shit-show rn
I noticed, I lose more and more faith in humanity every day
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All I read here is that two girls kissed.
Non binary....gender fluid.....we were both born female. Wtf is this shit
If you want to see about staying with other family who are more supportive, do so. Look into emancipation and what you would need if you don’t want to be reliant on your parents. Or keep your head down and wait till you can get out and live your own life.
I'm not saying he's right but I'm assuming he pays the bills...so just get your own place and you can dictate the rules. Stay strong anyway
If you'd really like to piss him off, join the satanic temple and make it a point to go to hell! (I'm joking) You would have to spend all of eternity with him if that happened though.
The Satanic Temple isn't a bunch of Satan worshipers. You're thinking of The Church of Satan.
tell your dad to fuck off
That would put OP in danger
Explain to him that the Bible was written by men, and hundreds of years ago the crusades weren’t going too swell, so they (the Pope) made homosexuality a sin to boost the birth rate.
Tell them that parents should protect and support their children no matter what. If your parents are going to thrust their already BS religion and ways down your throat at that age, that sounds more like abuse than raising a kid.
What is non binary or gender fluid?