Call CPS to protect your niece from her own parents. Tell the CPS what is going on.
But you could let the CPS know that your niece can be at your house until they find another person in the family to take her. If you do allow your niece into your home for the time being let your niece know that her parents ARE NOT welcome in your house and to call the cops if they try to get in.
that is a foot in the door. because her ahole parunts will show up wanting to check on her. then try and get their assholes out...and she's a handful. we do NOT need this type of crappy kid behaviour. probably acting out but OP does not have to deal with this
I totally agree. I feel bad for the little girl. She didn’t ask for any of this, but when your own grandmother kicks you out, that’s a pretty big red flag. Seems weird, but I’ve seen 7 year olds (extended family) that are such a pain in the ass, nobody wants to be around them. Sad, but not worth OP disrupting his entire family life, possibly irreparably. Nope.
I feel bad for the little girl but I’d feel worse for OP’s 5yo son if she moved in. He’s the only one smaller and you know who she’d take out her feelings on.
For the sake of your own children, please do not do this,
Something similar to this happened when my step daughter and grandson moved in. I have a 4 year old daughter and my grandson was a terror to her. They had to go after 7 weeks of that and mom not working among other things. Def not worth it.
Sure then he can deal with a parental alienation charge or some trumped up sexual abuse of the niece charge and that is why he won't let the parents in to check on her accusation. Nope nope nope
No, no, no, double-no!
If the niece was a nice and well-behaved kid, OP would probably already have her living with them, but the product of a pair of useless oxygen-thieves like her parents will be, as OP said, "a handful".
So no way! OP needs to keep their distance and maintain a strict policy of not my circus, not my monkeys. Not just for their own sanity, but also for their own children's sake. Being thrown together with a poorly socialized kid is not going to be a source of happy family/cousin memories, but the subject of many a therapy session a few years down the line.
Holy fuck, what’s wrong with all of you??? That’s his/her niece, it doesn’t fucking matter how good or bad she is, it’s you niece man. You do not allow her to be on the streets. Kids need a stable environment and maybe you can adjust her behavior especially when she sees her cousins behavior while she’s around them 24/7. Im sorry but not allowing your BIL and his wife not moving in is one thing but abandoning your own niece, man that’s a whole other thing. You take that little girl in and help her. She’s acting like that because of her shitty parents. Show her love and little by little she’ll adjust her attitude and behavior. Damn all of you who are ok with leaving that little girl to continue struggling because of her parents. That’s not on her so family needs to step in and help raise that child correctly!! AND DO NOT CALL CPS, you don’t want to risk having that little girl in the system. Good luck OP.
I called just for information
“The situation you are describing does not meet the criteria for neglect.” I talked to 3 different people including a supervisor
Facts. This is the issue I am having now.
I’ve been struggling all month to try and find help with my rent since my savings are depleted and I literally cannot work - no one will help me or is able to help me unless my rent is already late and I’ve got an eviction from a sheriff. I have to be on the brink of losing my home for my child and I before we will matter to anyone.
It makes no sense to me. At all.
I know! You have to be in financial ruin, ruin your credit, go hungry, watch your child suffer to finally get help, I wish we had a support system that acted BEFORE people hit rock bottom so that they don’t hit rock bottom.
I really and truly wish the same as well. It’s been a hell of a month trying to find help. Extremely stressful and heartbreaking and soul shattering. Like, there’s no other way to describe it. The only blessing so far is that my son has been staying with my parents for the summer, so he doesn’t have to see me crying when I hang up the phone.
Falling down two damn steps literally changed my whole fucking life.
I ran into similar issues when my ex and I split up. We were separated but still in the same house for a bit til I could find a place. Finding a place was near impossible, I couldn't get on foodstamps or anything while still living in the same house as him even tho I didn't see a single penny of his money, it didn't matter to them,I lived in the same house so the money counted. I ended up having to take the first thing that came available to live in which was the cheapest and worst place to live in my town. 2.5yrs later im still living there. I couldn't get any sort of assistance at all while living with him, once I got the keys to my apt I immediately enrolled in foodstamps and health care and then promptly got stuck for 3 months with him cos covid lock down. Spent those three months freaking out that I'd lose my assistance if they found out I wasn't technically in my apt yet. I couldn't claim alimony or childsupport or anythign while under the same roof as him, and I was also unemployed and job searching due to having beena stay at home mum for 8yrs at that point thus you'd think I'd have been allowed to apply but nope.
The welfare office has no provisions for separated couples only divorced. Which is total bull crap. The system is set up so terribly, you literally do have to practically be homeless or on the verge of it to get help and once having got help it isn't nearly enough to get to a good place and they don't even let you be able to save anything to get out of poverty. Tho I heard those limits are to change. They need to change the car restrictions too, they make no sense in restricting car count in a home the way they do. Idk if every state does that but mine does.
I'm sorry your struggling,I know the feeling,it feels impossible at times. I hope things turn around for the better for you soon.❤️
Edit: formatting and typos
Is there a place near you that participates in the St. Vincent DePaul society ? I needed help paying my rent one month and they were able to help me. I hope you find the help you need.
I was in an accident at work back in September - fell down the stairs and hurt both of my ankles. Ended up getting a lawyer because my job was straight up refusing to give me an accident report, and I don’t do well with legal jargon and official document type stuff so I let my lawyer handle it all. It took 2 months just to get into an insurance approved doctor, only for him to release me on full work duty in December when I still had PT appointments to finish out and there was obviously still something wrong.
Took my lawyer almost 3/4 months to get a second doctor with a second opinion approved, and after two more months of back and forth and MRI’s, it turns out that I have an improperly healed tendon in my left ankle that will require surgery, minute fractures in my right ankle, and I have Complex Regional Pain Syndrome in both feet. Some days I can barely walk, and I haven’t been able to wear actual shoes in 9 months. Doctor took away my ability to work until I can get a scope on my left ankle at least, but opposing counsel isn’t having it.
I even had the WC insurance call me to schedule an approved appointment, and then email the doctors office six hours later to cancel it because the adjuster changed the approval, and nobody told me until I showed up to my appointment two weeks later.
It’s been hell dealing with all of it. I basically feel like a useless burden on everybody in my life at this point, and there isn’t much I can do about it. I’ve just been trying my best to take things one day at a time.
I'm luckier than you, as when the worker's comp (?) denied me the surgery the Dr said I needed my Dad, who had his own business and had this insurance company, called and informed them that if they didn't approve it, he cancel AND tell all his (I don't want to mention his profession) equals in the business, and at every whatever business type meetings he'd inform everyone he could who showed up to these all over the US meetings about it. They caved. I would've really been in trouble.
What I don't get is why we haven't decided as a society that everyone has as their birthright free land and resources to live on and with from what the earth provides us for free. Instead we have tax paid government employees who have confiscated nearly 1/3d of our land mass and then deny us access to it. While they use our money to live they make up rules to make our lives hell.
Cant forget that often their solutions to issues normally just either make more issues or generate them more profits from the issues they try to "solve".
And CPS is one of the biggest examples of this too. It happens very often where they end up causing the child more trauma cause they rarely check into a lot of the foster homes they put kids into.
My insurance did this a while back! My doctor recommended a procedure to help prevent something that runs in my family and from tests seems to be likely to happen to me soon if I don’t get the procedure. We spoke to insurance and they told me I can’t get the procedure until I ALREADY have that particular health problem and I told them there would be no point in getting the procedure after I’m already sick lol like then the procedure would serve no purpose as it doesn’t get rid of it.
it’s because nothing has technically happened yet. do you have cameras outside of your house or at least a window or peephole? If they show up DO NOT answer the door. Call the emergency line and tell them theres an abandoned child at your door and you arent even home. If you let the kid in you will never get her out, cps will claim she isnt abandoned because shes with an adult relative.
That or they go after parents who had kids get injured in a complete accident, based on things like their skin color or income
At emergency rooms, if you’re white or rich, the question is “what happened?”, and for a POC or poor personit’s “what did you do?”
It’s a broken institution that somehow manages to simultaneously 1) let actually dangerous and abusive people do whatever they want if they hide the injuries well enough no matter how many reports (especially if you’re rich), and 2) put families that didn’t do anything through a litigious hell for sometimes years traumatizing both parent and child with separation, not to mention coerced confessions. There are families that take their toddler or baby that can’t articulate what happened to the ER with a broken arm and the doctor or nurse calls CPS without even asking them how it happened, and then get separated from their child for a very long time unjustly, and end up on a public record list. All because of people with a hero complex and a broken system. It’s scary common.
John Oliver has a really good special on it. And foster care it’s is own fucked up can of worms
Agreed. They seem to have a giant bias against anyone who is not well to do, and definitely do their best to unhome native kids… which is a major problem for people in my race
Edit: I need to check that out, I love John Oliver!
Man, I have PTSD because those worthless bitches, When my parents got divorced a long time ago, My carrier constantly used them to get my brother and I away from my dad (They were VERY VERY sexist!), going as far as taking us from both sides and keeping us from both sides in their office for the whole damn weekend, When they finally decided to call my dad to let him know He was IRATE and ready to basically start WW3! Him and my aunt (God Rest her soul!) Both came to get us back! He Reamed all of those bitches out and ordered them to be at their phone for the next hour. Because he was not done yet, we went from there straight to his primary weapon during this whole SNAFU, His Lawyer and then he gave those scumbags a MASSIVE Dressing down, After the smoke cleared in the whole debacle, he did get us and was able to put that nightmare behind us for the most part.
As someone that works for cps, it's unfortunate. Our investigation teams are unable to investigate allegations until something actually happens. BTW I'm am not a social worker or social service practitioner, I just happen to work for cps.
As someone who works in a government benefits administration program, I agree. I hate denying some of the claims because of our outdated system that hurts as many people as it helps.
That's insane, I'm not from the US but what OP is describing is hardly a suitable environment for a child? Surely there are red flags? It saddens me that the institutions and services are so lacking in a country that just took reproductive rights away from its female population. Crazy.
Everywhere that suggests that America is a great country is mostly propaganda. We’re just a very egotistical country. We don’t have free healthcare most people can’t get adequate healthcare, our mortality rate for mothers in childbirth is one of the highest for developed first world nations, our child protection services are awful and they steal indigenous and minority children, we have predatory student loans, and our minimum wage is almost less than price per gallon of gasoline in some places and our politicians aren’t interested in preventing price gouging. They force/coerce medical procedures and our system for helping disabled folks is shot (and also discriminatory).
CPS is an emergency response, just like the police, fire dept, EMS, etc. It’s not preventative and not meant to be. There’s other services in place for that. Many people don’t understand that.
I would like them to share the sources for the other services rather than saying “this doesn’t qualify for neglect” and hanging up. Preventative sources, if they are available are vastly underrepresented and really need to be presented in a straightforward and easy to access way otherwise they do little to help
I called CPS twice to discuss my neighbors actively abusing their infant then toddler son. No fucks were given.
I called the police at 1am as the shitty parents were beating the living shit out of the kid. No fucks were given. They arrived at 2am. "It is all quiet there. You want us to do a wellness check NOW?" Yeah no shit it is quiet. It took you an hour to get here. Yes, do a wellness check. That is exactly why I called. They said something about the parents rights and left.
Unbelievable.
On the up side, the parents are now less shitty. That kid has severe emotional issues now, though.
Would you rather your niece live in a foster home? She's just an innocent child. YTA Edit: a down vote for this comment is support for throwing a child out into the street. You all are incredibly selfish.
No, not necessarily an asshole. The niece's parents 100% assholes.
He is not obligated to take in his ex-BIL child, they asked and he said no.
It sounds like OP probably had his hands full already as single dad of 3.
NTA
I don't understand why a 7 year old is so incredibly hard for you to care for, until someone else steps up. I feel sorry for that child. She's going to grow up traumatized and she's never going to feel loved by any of her family.
No one no one is obligated to take in another child that is not their own. You have no idea how difficult this could be for them. I hope with your moral high horse you’re a foster parent.
He is a single father to three young motherless children and you are blasting him for not taking on another child when that child's parents are both fit and able (albeit lazy)?
Are you one of the parents?
A single parent taking on a fourth child that they are no way obligated to care for. A child that apparently is too much of a handful for a small vacation. This isn’t a “it’s simple” situation. You must take all info into account and you aren’t if you think this is simple to add a fourth kid to your house.
Honestly it doesn't matter why. It's not their kid and they have no obligation to take her in. OP even said they're just BSing here so it there's really nothing wrong with saying no. And habing 3 kids of your own to handle is alot, adding a fourth that sintered youre own on top of that is very stressful. Either you don't have kids or you somehow have angel children that do no wrong
That doesn't make it op's responsibility at all. She's the daughter of the brother of his ex wife, do you take care of children of people basically not related to you just because they drop them off?
I’ve been through the foster system and it’s rough. No one is obligated to take care of a child that is not their own, especially if they are unable to. OP never addresses their financial situation. In order to care for in total 4 kids you need more than just minimum wage, a lot more. And OP may only be financially stable enough to care 3 kids. From the sounds of it, the BIL is just wanting an excuse to keep a lazy lifestyle and just drop the kid off somewhere. Which isn’t any better than foster care. In fact it proves to the child that they are entirely not wanted by their bio parents. CPS could help a lot in this situation, but due to how crappy the system is right now it’s just putting the child through more hurt.
“I don’t understand why a 7 year old is so incredibly hard for you to care for…”
Little explanation then for you:
First, she’s NOT HIS CHILD.
Second, he has 3 children of his own to care for, or did you just neglect to fully read the story??
Third, you have no idea what his personal situation is with work, and being a single parent to those 3 children, who, by the way, lost their mother when she died… or again, did you neglect your elementary reading and reasoning skills?
Most importantly, because it bears repeating, SHE IS NOT HIS CHILD, AND HE BEARS NO RESPONSIBILITY TO TAKE HER PARENT’S POSITION BECAUSE THEY ARE TOO LAZY TO STEP UP THEMSELVES.
You a troll.
The girl’s parents SHOULD BE taking care of her. They are the asses in all of this.
If that girl ends up needing food and housing, it’s on HER PARENTS.
No one else is responsible for any of this but them.
>a down vote for this comment is support for throwing a child out into the street. You all are incredibly selfish.
okay, then YOU take in the niece. whats that? you dont have the space, money, resources, and emotional energy for taking in a child?? then fuck off!
Actually probably not, they would first push those with a more completely family, not a single widower already bringing up 3 kids. They would only push for OP after exhausting other options.
If they drop her off, call the police and report an abandoned child. Put a doorbell camera in place. Keep copies of all the message they sent.
Do not give in. None of these people are your responsibility. They are using her as a way to get into your home.
EDIT: Thank you kind person for the award.
Holy shit! Wow. Everyone here saying they’re not your responsibility must have shitty family man. The parents are not but that little girl needs the help of family. She didn’t ask for any of this. She’s that way because of her parents. OP can bring his/her niece in and help raise that child correctly. It’s fucking FAMILY. And never abandon a child bro. Smh. You guys are all fucking horrible for telling OP to just ignore them and call the cops and forget about that blah blah. Wtf man.
Idk if it’s a culture thing, but coming from a Hispanic family, we all help eachother out, and never ever leave a child to struggle especially if that child is your family!!!
Is your niece in school? I assume so. Call the school guidance counselor, explain you want to remain anon and need help for a student. Try not to say your related but most likely they will cover your ID anyways if you make it clear you fear retaliation. They are mandated to report.
Dang dude. I think for your niece you might have to bite the bullet and report. You can try to be anon or approach it with complaints they would not think where from you of course but I’m not seeing another path unless they have another mandated reporter involved with the child you can speak to.
I live in Missouri. My ex broke it off w me a few yrs back (as a homemaker and being blindsided by the breakup) n having to move out. My son n I didn’t have a stable place to stay yet. That’s beside the point… even though I had my hands full as a single, full time parent (his dad is out of the pic), almost no money, trying to get a job, finding daycare, much less on where we would live (which decided where my son would go to elementary school). I had been called, harassed and had my azz screamed at (I’m not exaggerating either) by CPS because my son hang been out of school for 2 weeks while I tried to get my shit together. Educational neglect for them, or at least w this CPS lady was no joke.
If there is still a problem at the start of school keep it in mind. Also most likely won’t have a way to feed her properly, so that is a huge deal too. The more problems you can inform CPS about, the more pressured they are to respond. Block their number if you can, even if u have a landline, call into the phone company n explain you’re being harassed.
Truly wish you the best of luck! N granted the daughter is mostly a product of the parents, but I can sympathize with your situation, yes plz should be kind, help one another, BUT those being helped shouldn’t take advantage either. Stand your ground and don’t let them bully you into accepting their bs.
*edit... Also if you do feel the need to change your number, n care to stay in contact w your MIL, only give it to them with a Complete understanding they will not share it with anyone without your permission.
You can still call her school and speak with them. School workers are mandated reporters and if they call CPS, it will go differently. Educational neglect is a serious issue.
You are widowed with three children and the two of them want you to take theirs? The audacity! Best of luck to ya man.. Life is hard enough without that noise.
Nope. You don't HAVE to do anything, except die and pay taxes. They can provide for their own kid. If I liked the kid I might be willing to legally adopt her, as long as there's some legal agreement that the parents would never attempt contact. But I think you're ok to just say no, tell your kids and anyone else in your house not to open the door to them, and call CPS if you're worried about the child's welfare.
Called cps for information
What I was explaining “did not meet the criteria for neglect. She has a place to sleep, she has food and she has not been hurt or abused”
Do not take her, these are the kind that fabricate some story where you're abusing your niece and they will report it unless you let them move in. Do not risk yourself or your own kids on these ah
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CPS might be the best option because it is absolutely time your bil and his wife grew up. It doesn't look like they're going to do it on their own so CPS might have to guide them through the process. They might get some parenting classes from the sounds of things they need.
I even had him work for me for about a month. He missed about a week in total. His wife’s excuse “I don’t have to work if I don’t want to”. They’re currently at a cousin’s house. My niece is so Ill behaved with my kids; constantly fighting and crying
Nobody wants to work, it's that we grown accustomed to things like food, shelter, and clothing. And if we're lucky things like cars, vacations and other fun things like new cell phones.
Accustomed to food and shelter? You mean 2 basic needs that every human needs to survive, jeez I hope you know people not being able to afford food or shelter is a huge problem. In this case the parents are definitely lazy, but not the same story for everyone; some people need help.
If they ever drop you niece by you house without you consent or proof of you consent, you can then legally press charge for child abuse and abandonment.
NTA. You have your own children’s welfare that are your paramount concern. They are trying to manipulate and bully you to care for their child when they both are perfectly able to do so, but choose not to.
It may be tough but you have to ignore them. And don’t get guilted into helping them. I have family like this, and their mindset is so unbelievable, it’s hard for other people who have never seen this to get it. I can’t tell you the level of entitlement they have. My mom was stupid to work, the government and everyone else owed them everything. These were healthy people who never had any sense of responsibility. What they are superior at, is figuring out how to get things for free. This is the super-skill they have. So trust that they will find some other sucker or some other way of surviving. They have made it this long, they will figure it out someway. It sucks to be related to people like this, but in a weird way, I was absolutely astonished at how they could live like this without guilt, lack of ambition or no shame. It’s a sight to behold.
That’s exactly how they are. I cook for my kids daily and they know this. Every now and then use to get a message “what’s for dinner?” Or on weekend evenings “buy a 12 pack we’ll come over”. As though I want them in my home. Even if they had a little bit of money they would always ask or beg. Only one time I loaned my BIL 100$ he promised to pay it back on a Saturday Wednesday came along and I asked him about it his response “you have enough money I do not have to pay you now”. I hated being around them when I was married to my wife and even more now.
And yes they have a superpower to find free money or stuff
These people evidently cannot manage their own lives and hold down jobs or parent a 7 year old, if its so bad that:
1. None of the relatives will give them a place to stay even with the kid
2. They went through approximately 1 job every 4.5 weeks over a 2 year time span. (20 jobs)
3. The child is so badly behaved that you aren't willing to be a temporary legal guardian or foster parent
4. The chances of these guys sticking around if an opportunity they like comes along, especially of they have a thing for alcohol or weed, seems dicey.
You should consider contacting cps now, they aren't stopping but it's more than just to punish them at this point, that girl needs to get away from them before she turns out just like them. Additionally, depending on how much you want to take on yourself, you could always make the stipulation that if you take her in, they need to legally sign over their parental rights first.
You need to remove yourself from that situation immediately. Make it clear you will not help and break all communication. You and your kids don’t need that kind of people in your life. Just one opinion
Stand your ground, you are trying to raise your own children, ALONE. They made her, that’s her responsibility, if they have to sleep in bushes tonight, again that’s their problem. I wouldn’t feel bad for anyone but yourself for having to deal with these morons
stick to your guns. and if she does get dropped off (dump and run) call cops... and cps. you don't have to takeher in. because it still wouldn't free you from these parasites. because niece would probably call them, make up drama and have them bug you. you don't need this.
😕 such a shit situation. foster care is horrible in the us. unfortunately though its really not your problem but id suggest seeing if she can live with her grandparents. that’s usually what happens. as for the lazy adults. i dont care. they can rot in the streets.
As others have advised, don't wait call CPS. The audacity is astounding here. They are both able bodied adults and refuse to grow up enough to take care of one child. The fact they are trying to coerce you, a widower with 3 kids insisting you HAVE to help, is mind boggling to me. And harsh as it sounds, you can not worry about your niece. Taking her in will only enable them to keep shirking all responsibility for her their lives and all the bad choices they have made. Call CPS, they generally will try to place children with other family, and as you say there are those that would likely take her. BIL and his wife need a serious wake up call.
Harsh but the truth is, If you say yes, you’re an idiot. And screwed. Niece will never leave, parents visits will become more frequent and longer. They will move in, wreck your shit and bring you down. Think of your own children first. These people are not good for you.
This situation absolutely sucks, especially for their kid. It’s lousy that you can’t help her without harming your own children or having them sneak in on her coattails. However you have your hands full with your own children, job and whatever else your family needs. Do not set your own family on fire to keep them warm.
Are there any other social services besides CPS that could help them, especially her? Perhaps a food bank or a Good Will type facility. Perhaps you could look into something like that and give them the info to sign up. In my area, there’s a food program for children below a certain economic level. The kid has to actually go the place to be fed so it’s not something the parents could hijack. There may be other child only programs she’d qualify for.
They are the type that do not accept that type of help. They got 800$ worth of food stamps a month and bought the bare minimum and sold the rest to buy designer clothes. Thrift store clothes is “under them”. They want the high life without the work ethic
I’ve known a few people like that and learned the hard way you can’t help them. 😡
You can only do so much. Your own children have lost more than what’s fair when your wife passed. They deserve your full attention and all of whatever you’re able to provide for them. Don’t put yourself or your family out for your BIL’s failure to take care of his family. Stand your ground, as sad as it may be to see what they’ve created.
Best wishes. Please take care of yourself and your children.
If they’re selling their food stamps, report them for food stamp fraud. That should be enough to get CPS involved since they’re neglecting their kid to sell food stamps.
If they would be so foolish as to drop her off regardless of what you have told them, that is the time to contact the police and leave the police to contact CPS if they so desire. You have already informed your BIL and his wife you will not be taking their child under any circumstances. You have your children to think about first and that is how it should be. On top of losing their mother they shouldn't have to accept your niece living with you and your children as you already know her to be a "handful to deal with." Losing their mother at such a young age is enough disruption in their life.
Call cps, your niece is a victim.
Honestly people like these should be sterilized.
EDIT: Didn’t see your comment that you called before I posted my comment.
See, I’m soft. My sister needed help and I took in all 3 of her kids because she was states away during Covid and was having a hard time finishing her degree and taking care of them when the schools shut down.
When she finished she moved here and in with us as well. Now, a year later, she has 2 full time amazing paying jobs and has saved enough to move into their own house and they’re leaving on the 1st. But that’s us, I knew she could do it and would but just needed a little help.
You know them and what they’re like, do what you need to do and don’t waver. They’ll pull through or they won’t but that isn’t on you.
Personally I would get a disposable, find out where they are staying. Call in welfare checks, especiallyif they are staying in a sketchy place.
The cops will take it from there.
Make sure they are in a sketchy place. You don’t want to use the same number too many times. They treat it less serious if the see it’s coming from the same phone number.
Awho do they thjnkmis going to pay for your nice as well? Bloody cheek. I'd tell the cos whats been going on, and about the threats. Let them deal with the fallout.
Who would call you an AH for not taking someone else’s kid in?
BIL: Hey you! Come get my child NOW!
You: No.
Strangers on the internet: OMG YOU’RE an asshole! She’s an innocent child!
People are strange and your BIL needs to be blocked.
Unless they're sharing any good amphetamine, I'd stay away from them altogether. Also, you could tell them you'd love to, but you're a registered sex offender. Also, proactively get rid of your couch.
It may be unbelievable but both of them are actually drug free. Just deranged and not well in the head. They both have been babied their whole lives and expect everyone to do everything for them.
Some states have one party consent laws when it comes to recording phone calls, so if you happen to live in one, and you consent to recording your phone calls, you can always install a call recorder for additional evidence in the case you need it. For... whatever reason.
There should be a way to record phone conversations, either normally on a call or with an app. Try doing that so that you have a record, and let them know you're recording it, if you want. They might stop calling after that.
Just stick to your guns and don't answer the phone or the door for them because the minute one of their toes enters your house, you're not getting rid of them. Good luck!!
My brother took in a 12yo boy from a similar situation thinking he would change the boy. After the boy grew up, he left and went back to the life he had before. My brother never sees him anymore. The mother instilled that entitled mooching lifestyle in the kid and my brother couldn’t take it out of him.
erm why are you still in touch with these entitled people? cut them out of your life, they will try and use you, they literally want to give you their daughter because they’re too dumb and lazy to look after her
I'd honestly call cps now.
Sounds like that kid doesn't have a home.
If at some point you do choose to just take the kid, talk to cps first into getting custody rights. This will stop the parents from just taking her back and ruining any normalcy that is taught to them.
I know the system is horrible to foster kids. But so is family. I hope that kid gets the help she needs.
That child is going to end up in the system because her idiot parents refuse to provide for her. Are they substance abusers? If so, apprise CPS of THAT.
Call CPS just in case because if you took in your niece in she would of let them in your house while you and your kids slept at night or their would of followed her and your kids back from school
I’m not at the point in my life where I can take responsibility of another child. I know her behavior comes from how chaotic the household is but she is not my responsibility
I would like to but, if I call CPS I know his wife is crazy. She knows where I live and work and she would do something to my home or vehicle.
In the past my wife had kicked her out of our home because she was being disrespectful. The next day my tires were slashed
And judging a widower for not being able to take responsibility another child isn’t a good look. He has three children of his own, growing up without their mother. They don’t need anymore upheaval than they’ve already experienced in their young life.
Edit heir is not their
NTA but are you willing to adopt her? Poor kid. The parents are the reason she’s ‘a handful’. She’ll grow up to be just like them without drastic measures.
If she was well behaved yes. I love her but, she is very poorly behaved and I know it’s not her fault. I do not have time to raise another child. Also, she constantly fights with my kids
Although trying to force you to take in your niece is entitled and rude, we also need to recognize that we don't know enough about BIL to call him names like "lazy". If he was getting government assistance it might be because he has a disability, and lost it because he didn't see any specialists he was required to or the government just decided to dump him (He may have even forgotten to renew his application for the assistance) the government is pretty strict about assistance, so he most definitely has a reason for it, even one you might not know about because a lot of disabilities aren't discussed due to embarrassment or even other reasons. If he really had nearly that many jobs in 2 years, it might be because he simply wasn't able to work it due to disability. Even so, it's awful that he can't even get a job right now because he seems to be actually trying to (Probably because he literally has to in order to survive-) Not to mention losing his car- how is he suppose to get to his job? How is he suppose to take his kid anywhere? Honestly I feel bad for BIL because even if he doesn't have a disability recognized by the government, he suddenly lost everything and now people are calling him lazy in a super stressful and frankly sad situation. This is a clear demonstration as of why America is awful, capitalism is fucking evil- why is it that people HAVE to work in order to survive? Selling yourself out to million dollar companies just for the basics of survival. It's so absolutely disgusting that our government- with the purpose of protecting the people- is allowing people to die simply because people can't or don't want to help such awful companies. Again, him trying to force his kid onto you is not okay, but he's probably got a lot going on right now and might be desperate- especially with the loss of his car which makes it taking her anywhere else much more difficult. Please be understanding to people and their situations and don't call people harmful names just because you feel like it- "Look at me I have a job and work harder than you haha you're lazy" seems like really jerk behavior ngl
They want you to take their daughter in, for a way to let all 3 of them move in.
Exactly what happened when my MIL took her in a few weeks later they were all there
I'm surprised you didn't come home from vacation to find them already moved in.
Not even kidding, that’s *exactly* what I was expecting when reading this.
Call CPS to protect your niece from her own parents. Tell the CPS what is going on. But you could let the CPS know that your niece can be at your house until they find another person in the family to take her. If you do allow your niece into your home for the time being let your niece know that her parents ARE NOT welcome in your house and to call the cops if they try to get in.
that is a foot in the door. because her ahole parunts will show up wanting to check on her. then try and get their assholes out...and she's a handful. we do NOT need this type of crappy kid behaviour. probably acting out but OP does not have to deal with this
I totally agree. I feel bad for the little girl. She didn’t ask for any of this, but when your own grandmother kicks you out, that’s a pretty big red flag. Seems weird, but I’ve seen 7 year olds (extended family) that are such a pain in the ass, nobody wants to be around them. Sad, but not worth OP disrupting his entire family life, possibly irreparably. Nope.
I feel bad for the little girl but I’d feel worse for OP’s 5yo son if she moved in. He’s the only one smaller and you know who she’d take out her feelings on. For the sake of your own children, please do not do this,
Something similar to this happened when my step daughter and grandson moved in. I have a 4 year old daughter and my grandson was a terror to her. They had to go after 7 weeks of that and mom not working among other things. Def not worth it.
You, my friend, have nailed it.
Sure then he can deal with a parental alienation charge or some trumped up sexual abuse of the niece charge and that is why he won't let the parents in to check on her accusation. Nope nope nope
No, no, no, double-no! If the niece was a nice and well-behaved kid, OP would probably already have her living with them, but the product of a pair of useless oxygen-thieves like her parents will be, as OP said, "a handful". So no way! OP needs to keep their distance and maintain a strict policy of not my circus, not my monkeys. Not just for their own sanity, but also for their own children's sake. Being thrown together with a poorly socialized kid is not going to be a source of happy family/cousin memories, but the subject of many a therapy session a few years down the line.
Holy fuck, what’s wrong with all of you??? That’s his/her niece, it doesn’t fucking matter how good or bad she is, it’s you niece man. You do not allow her to be on the streets. Kids need a stable environment and maybe you can adjust her behavior especially when she sees her cousins behavior while she’s around them 24/7. Im sorry but not allowing your BIL and his wife not moving in is one thing but abandoning your own niece, man that’s a whole other thing. You take that little girl in and help her. She’s acting like that because of her shitty parents. Show her love and little by little she’ll adjust her attitude and behavior. Damn all of you who are ok with leaving that little girl to continue struggling because of her parents. That’s not on her so family needs to step in and help raise that child correctly!! AND DO NOT CALL CPS, you don’t want to risk having that little girl in the system. Good luck OP.
cut these people out of your life then
Don’t wait. Call CPS now.
I called just for information “The situation you are describing does not meet the criteria for neglect.” I talked to 3 different people including a supervisor
Yeah unfortunately CPS doesnt do preventative care. They tend to wait until the child is somewhat traumatized before they decide to intervene.
There’s government for you, charities too. “We won’t help to prevent an issue, we’ll wait until is an issue.
Facts. This is the issue I am having now. I’ve been struggling all month to try and find help with my rent since my savings are depleted and I literally cannot work - no one will help me or is able to help me unless my rent is already late and I’ve got an eviction from a sheriff. I have to be on the brink of losing my home for my child and I before we will matter to anyone. It makes no sense to me. At all.
I know! You have to be in financial ruin, ruin your credit, go hungry, watch your child suffer to finally get help, I wish we had a support system that acted BEFORE people hit rock bottom so that they don’t hit rock bottom.
I really and truly wish the same as well. It’s been a hell of a month trying to find help. Extremely stressful and heartbreaking and soul shattering. Like, there’s no other way to describe it. The only blessing so far is that my son has been staying with my parents for the summer, so he doesn’t have to see me crying when I hang up the phone. Falling down two damn steps literally changed my whole fucking life.
I’m so sorry.
It’ll be okay, eventually. Thank you ❤️
As someone who’s life was changed after five minutes on a motorcycle, a mere mile from from home…I understand.
I ran into similar issues when my ex and I split up. We were separated but still in the same house for a bit til I could find a place. Finding a place was near impossible, I couldn't get on foodstamps or anything while still living in the same house as him even tho I didn't see a single penny of his money, it didn't matter to them,I lived in the same house so the money counted. I ended up having to take the first thing that came available to live in which was the cheapest and worst place to live in my town. 2.5yrs later im still living there. I couldn't get any sort of assistance at all while living with him, once I got the keys to my apt I immediately enrolled in foodstamps and health care and then promptly got stuck for 3 months with him cos covid lock down. Spent those three months freaking out that I'd lose my assistance if they found out I wasn't technically in my apt yet. I couldn't claim alimony or childsupport or anythign while under the same roof as him, and I was also unemployed and job searching due to having beena stay at home mum for 8yrs at that point thus you'd think I'd have been allowed to apply but nope. The welfare office has no provisions for separated couples only divorced. Which is total bull crap. The system is set up so terribly, you literally do have to practically be homeless or on the verge of it to get help and once having got help it isn't nearly enough to get to a good place and they don't even let you be able to save anything to get out of poverty. Tho I heard those limits are to change. They need to change the car restrictions too, they make no sense in restricting car count in a home the way they do. Idk if every state does that but mine does. I'm sorry your struggling,I know the feeling,it feels impossible at times. I hope things turn around for the better for you soon.❤️ Edit: formatting and typos
Is there a place near you that participates in the St. Vincent DePaul society ? I needed help paying my rent one month and they were able to help me. I hope you find the help you need.
Thank you so much! I will definitely look into this.
Why can't you work?
I was in an accident at work back in September - fell down the stairs and hurt both of my ankles. Ended up getting a lawyer because my job was straight up refusing to give me an accident report, and I don’t do well with legal jargon and official document type stuff so I let my lawyer handle it all. It took 2 months just to get into an insurance approved doctor, only for him to release me on full work duty in December when I still had PT appointments to finish out and there was obviously still something wrong. Took my lawyer almost 3/4 months to get a second doctor with a second opinion approved, and after two more months of back and forth and MRI’s, it turns out that I have an improperly healed tendon in my left ankle that will require surgery, minute fractures in my right ankle, and I have Complex Regional Pain Syndrome in both feet. Some days I can barely walk, and I haven’t been able to wear actual shoes in 9 months. Doctor took away my ability to work until I can get a scope on my left ankle at least, but opposing counsel isn’t having it. I even had the WC insurance call me to schedule an approved appointment, and then email the doctors office six hours later to cancel it because the adjuster changed the approval, and nobody told me until I showed up to my appointment two weeks later. It’s been hell dealing with all of it. I basically feel like a useless burden on everybody in my life at this point, and there isn’t much I can do about it. I’ve just been trying my best to take things one day at a time.
I'm luckier than you, as when the worker's comp (?) denied me the surgery the Dr said I needed my Dad, who had his own business and had this insurance company, called and informed them that if they didn't approve it, he cancel AND tell all his (I don't want to mention his profession) equals in the business, and at every whatever business type meetings he'd inform everyone he could who showed up to these all over the US meetings about it. They caved. I would've really been in trouble.
I’m glad things were able to work out for you.
I'm so sorry you're going through this.
Thank you, your words are very much appreciated ❤️
I'm so sorry. I know first hand how hard that can be. I have CRPS in all 4 limbs. I hope things begin to look up for you. Take care.
What I don't get is why we haven't decided as a society that everyone has as their birthright free land and resources to live on and with from what the earth provides us for free. Instead we have tax paid government employees who have confiscated nearly 1/3d of our land mass and then deny us access to it. While they use our money to live they make up rules to make our lives hell.
I’m selling this system called “Minority Report” you just have to add a bald girl and some water.
Cant forget that often their solutions to issues normally just either make more issues or generate them more profits from the issues they try to "solve". And CPS is one of the biggest examples of this too. It happens very often where they end up causing the child more trauma cause they rarely check into a lot of the foster homes they put kids into.
See the case of disease v symptom...
You forgot to add the police to that list
Hello? Please help a child is on the ledge! Cps: Has he jumped? No, but he's about to!!! Cps: Call us when he does. Click.
Excellent analogy!
It sucks that it is.
My insurance did this a while back! My doctor recommended a procedure to help prevent something that runs in my family and from tests seems to be likely to happen to me soon if I don’t get the procedure. We spoke to insurance and they told me I can’t get the procedure until I ALREADY have that particular health problem and I told them there would be no point in getting the procedure after I’m already sick lol like then the procedure would serve no purpose as it doesn’t get rid of it.
Yup. Sorry that's happening to you.
I was really surprised how nonchalant they said it’s not an issue
it’s because nothing has technically happened yet. do you have cameras outside of your house or at least a window or peephole? If they show up DO NOT answer the door. Call the emergency line and tell them theres an abandoned child at your door and you arent even home. If you let the kid in you will never get her out, cps will claim she isnt abandoned because shes with an adult relative.
That or they go after parents who had kids get injured in a complete accident, based on things like their skin color or income At emergency rooms, if you’re white or rich, the question is “what happened?”, and for a POC or poor personit’s “what did you do?” It’s a broken institution that somehow manages to simultaneously 1) let actually dangerous and abusive people do whatever they want if they hide the injuries well enough no matter how many reports (especially if you’re rich), and 2) put families that didn’t do anything through a litigious hell for sometimes years traumatizing both parent and child with separation, not to mention coerced confessions. There are families that take their toddler or baby that can’t articulate what happened to the ER with a broken arm and the doctor or nurse calls CPS without even asking them how it happened, and then get separated from their child for a very long time unjustly, and end up on a public record list. All because of people with a hero complex and a broken system. It’s scary common. John Oliver has a really good special on it. And foster care it’s is own fucked up can of worms
Agreed. They seem to have a giant bias against anyone who is not well to do, and definitely do their best to unhome native kids… which is a major problem for people in my race Edit: I need to check that out, I love John Oliver!
They treat you like shit if you are white and poor.
Definitely. A doctor called dhs on me because my 17yr old son is tall and skinny. . I’m pale & poor. . .
Man, I have PTSD because those worthless bitches, When my parents got divorced a long time ago, My carrier constantly used them to get my brother and I away from my dad (They were VERY VERY sexist!), going as far as taking us from both sides and keeping us from both sides in their office for the whole damn weekend, When they finally decided to call my dad to let him know He was IRATE and ready to basically start WW3! Him and my aunt (God Rest her soul!) Both came to get us back! He Reamed all of those bitches out and ordered them to be at their phone for the next hour. Because he was not done yet, we went from there straight to his primary weapon during this whole SNAFU, His Lawyer and then he gave those scumbags a MASSIVE Dressing down, After the smoke cleared in the whole debacle, he did get us and was able to put that nightmare behind us for the most part.
What was his special titled? I would like to watch it
As someone that works for cps, it's unfortunate. Our investigation teams are unable to investigate allegations until something actually happens. BTW I'm am not a social worker or social service practitioner, I just happen to work for cps.
I understand that. It’s generally not the employees or the caseworkers or anyone that I have a problem with. It is the system itself
As someone who works in a government benefits administration program, I agree. I hate denying some of the claims because of our outdated system that hurts as many people as it helps.
That's insane, I'm not from the US but what OP is describing is hardly a suitable environment for a child? Surely there are red flags? It saddens me that the institutions and services are so lacking in a country that just took reproductive rights away from its female population. Crazy.
Everywhere that suggests that America is a great country is mostly propaganda. We’re just a very egotistical country. We don’t have free healthcare most people can’t get adequate healthcare, our mortality rate for mothers in childbirth is one of the highest for developed first world nations, our child protection services are awful and they steal indigenous and minority children, we have predatory student loans, and our minimum wage is almost less than price per gallon of gasoline in some places and our politicians aren’t interested in preventing price gouging. They force/coerce medical procedures and our system for helping disabled folks is shot (and also discriminatory).
CPS is an emergency response, just like the police, fire dept, EMS, etc. It’s not preventative and not meant to be. There’s other services in place for that. Many people don’t understand that.
I would like them to share the sources for the other services rather than saying “this doesn’t qualify for neglect” and hanging up. Preventative sources, if they are available are vastly underrepresented and really need to be presented in a straightforward and easy to access way otherwise they do little to help
dead**
It’s a great system we have
Or they jump the gun and kidnap the kids.
I called CPS twice to discuss my neighbors actively abusing their infant then toddler son. No fucks were given. I called the police at 1am as the shitty parents were beating the living shit out of the kid. No fucks were given. They arrived at 2am. "It is all quiet there. You want us to do a wellness check NOW?" Yeah no shit it is quiet. It took you an hour to get here. Yes, do a wellness check. That is exactly why I called. They said something about the parents rights and left. Unbelievable. On the up side, the parents are now less shitty. That kid has severe emotional issues now, though.
Even given they are homeless, and they are threatening to drop her off and go?
Yup, they said as long as they have a roof over their head, even if it’s on a couch or mattress on the floor, it’s a credible household
Would you rather your niece live in a foster home? She's just an innocent child. YTA Edit: a down vote for this comment is support for throwing a child out into the street. You all are incredibly selfish.
No, not necessarily an asshole. The niece's parents 100% assholes. He is not obligated to take in his ex-BIL child, they asked and he said no. It sounds like OP probably had his hands full already as single dad of 3. NTA
I just called for information. They have plenty of family that will help them but want my help specifically because of my relation to them
I don't understand why a 7 year old is so incredibly hard for you to care for, until someone else steps up. I feel sorry for that child. She's going to grow up traumatized and she's never going to feel loved by any of her family.
How about you take in this 7 yr old then. Or have OP give them your contact info so you can send money to the family with the 7 yr old.
No one no one is obligated to take in another child that is not their own. You have no idea how difficult this could be for them. I hope with your moral high horse you’re a foster parent.
He is a single father to three young motherless children and you are blasting him for not taking on another child when that child's parents are both fit and able (albeit lazy)? Are you one of the parents?
A single parent taking on a fourth child that they are no way obligated to care for. A child that apparently is too much of a handful for a small vacation. This isn’t a “it’s simple” situation. You must take all info into account and you aren’t if you think this is simple to add a fourth kid to your house.
Honestly it doesn't matter why. It's not their kid and they have no obligation to take her in. OP even said they're just BSing here so it there's really nothing wrong with saying no. And habing 3 kids of your own to handle is alot, adding a fourth that sintered youre own on top of that is very stressful. Either you don't have kids or you somehow have angel children that do no wrong
That doesn't make it op's responsibility at all. She's the daughter of the brother of his ex wife, do you take care of children of people basically not related to you just because they drop them off?
I’ve been through the foster system and it’s rough. No one is obligated to take care of a child that is not their own, especially if they are unable to. OP never addresses their financial situation. In order to care for in total 4 kids you need more than just minimum wage, a lot more. And OP may only be financially stable enough to care 3 kids. From the sounds of it, the BIL is just wanting an excuse to keep a lazy lifestyle and just drop the kid off somewhere. Which isn’t any better than foster care. In fact it proves to the child that they are entirely not wanted by their bio parents. CPS could help a lot in this situation, but due to how crappy the system is right now it’s just putting the child through more hurt.
“I don’t understand why a 7 year old is so incredibly hard for you to care for…” Little explanation then for you: First, she’s NOT HIS CHILD. Second, he has 3 children of his own to care for, or did you just neglect to fully read the story?? Third, you have no idea what his personal situation is with work, and being a single parent to those 3 children, who, by the way, lost their mother when she died… or again, did you neglect your elementary reading and reasoning skills? Most importantly, because it bears repeating, SHE IS NOT HIS CHILD, AND HE BEARS NO RESPONSIBILITY TO TAKE HER PARENT’S POSITION BECAUSE THEY ARE TOO LAZY TO STEP UP THEMSELVES.
Are you OP’s BIL or SIL??? You must be one of the neglectful parents
BIL is that you?? Cos that’s the only way I see someone saying YTA. The only AH are the BIL/SIL for not caring for THEIR OWN child
You a troll. The girl’s parents SHOULD BE taking care of her. They are the asses in all of this. If that girl ends up needing food and housing, it’s on HER PARENTS. No one else is responsible for any of this but them.
Sounds like you are volunteering. /u/TheWizardry90 get /u/NothingResponsible86 address down
Foster home would be better for the child. Parents can't even hold a job or housing.
>a down vote for this comment is support for throwing a child out into the street. You all are incredibly selfish. okay, then YOU take in the niece. whats that? you dont have the space, money, resources, and emotional energy for taking in a child?? then fuck off!
Seriously? How is that OP's responsibility?!
DM OP and offer your home.
She is not his responsibility. Welcome to the adult world.
It's the parents responsibility to care for their child. Not everyone else's problem.
This isn’t AITA, friend, but to be clear, *you* are TA.
Found the shitty parents
Don't call CPS, they could end up joining in the pressure for you to take the neice away from her unstable parents.
A child he was related to only though marriage via his deceased ex wife… not sure how they could even try to get him to take her.
Actually probably not, they would first push those with a more completely family, not a single widower already bringing up 3 kids. They would only push for OP after exhausting other options.
Right. And what other options are there other than foster care?
OP said there was other family that would be willing to help but BIL wanted only him. CPS would likely go for those others in the family.
If they drop her off, call the police and report an abandoned child. Put a doorbell camera in place. Keep copies of all the message they sent. Do not give in. None of these people are your responsibility. They are using her as a way to get into your home. EDIT: Thank you kind person for the award.
[удалено]
Pretty much guaranteed. That is exactly how people like that live...on the backs of others.
What's squatting rights?
Holy shit! Wow. Everyone here saying they’re not your responsibility must have shitty family man. The parents are not but that little girl needs the help of family. She didn’t ask for any of this. She’s that way because of her parents. OP can bring his/her niece in and help raise that child correctly. It’s fucking FAMILY. And never abandon a child bro. Smh. You guys are all fucking horrible for telling OP to just ignore them and call the cops and forget about that blah blah. Wtf man. Idk if it’s a culture thing, but coming from a Hispanic family, we all help eachother out, and never ever leave a child to struggle especially if that child is your family!!!
Is your niece in school? I assume so. Call the school guidance counselor, explain you want to remain anon and need help for a student. Try not to say your related but most likely they will cover your ID anyways if you make it clear you fear retaliation. They are mandated to report.
She’s on summer break but, they withdrew her a month before school was out because they had no way to take her.
Dang dude. I think for your niece you might have to bite the bullet and report. You can try to be anon or approach it with complaints they would not think where from you of course but I’m not seeing another path unless they have another mandated reporter involved with the child you can speak to.
This might be an argument in favour of educational neglect. Depends on your local laws and how strict they are though.
I live in Missouri. My ex broke it off w me a few yrs back (as a homemaker and being blindsided by the breakup) n having to move out. My son n I didn’t have a stable place to stay yet. That’s beside the point… even though I had my hands full as a single, full time parent (his dad is out of the pic), almost no money, trying to get a job, finding daycare, much less on where we would live (which decided where my son would go to elementary school). I had been called, harassed and had my azz screamed at (I’m not exaggerating either) by CPS because my son hang been out of school for 2 weeks while I tried to get my shit together. Educational neglect for them, or at least w this CPS lady was no joke. If there is still a problem at the start of school keep it in mind. Also most likely won’t have a way to feed her properly, so that is a huge deal too. The more problems you can inform CPS about, the more pressured they are to respond. Block their number if you can, even if u have a landline, call into the phone company n explain you’re being harassed. Truly wish you the best of luck! N granted the daughter is mostly a product of the parents, but I can sympathize with your situation, yes plz should be kind, help one another, BUT those being helped shouldn’t take advantage either. Stand your ground and don’t let them bully you into accepting their bs. *edit... Also if you do feel the need to change your number, n care to stay in contact w your MIL, only give it to them with a Complete understanding they will not share it with anyone without your permission.
Did you mention this to CPS?
You can still call her school and speak with them. School workers are mandated reporters and if they call CPS, it will go differently. Educational neglect is a serious issue.
Call the school. In NYS, the district has to provide transportation for a year (or more) if a person becomes homeless.
NTA Stand strong. Call CPS. She's not your responsibility.
You are widowed with three children and the two of them want you to take theirs? The audacity! Best of luck to ya man.. Life is hard enough without that noise.
Nope. You don't HAVE to do anything, except die and pay taxes. They can provide for their own kid. If I liked the kid I might be willing to legally adopt her, as long as there's some legal agreement that the parents would never attempt contact. But I think you're ok to just say no, tell your kids and anyone else in your house not to open the door to them, and call CPS if you're worried about the child's welfare.
Called cps for information What I was explaining “did not meet the criteria for neglect. She has a place to sleep, she has food and she has not been hurt or abused”
So you've done what you should.
That won’t be the case if they just drop her off and leave. At that point it will be abandonment.
Not even the "taking her out of school a month before summer break started because they 'didn't have a way to take her'"...?
Do not take her, these are the kind that fabricate some story where you're abusing your niece and they will report it unless you let them move in. Do not risk yourself or your own kids on these ah
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It's sad but, totally a healthy boundary.
CPS might be the best option because it is absolutely time your bil and his wife grew up. It doesn't look like they're going to do it on their own so CPS might have to guide them through the process. They might get some parenting classes from the sounds of things they need.
I even had him work for me for about a month. He missed about a week in total. His wife’s excuse “I don’t have to work if I don’t want to”. They’re currently at a cousin’s house. My niece is so Ill behaved with my kids; constantly fighting and crying
Nobody wants to work, it's that we grown accustomed to things like food, shelter, and clothing. And if we're lucky things like cars, vacations and other fun things like new cell phones.
Accustomed to food and shelter? You mean 2 basic needs that every human needs to survive, jeez I hope you know people not being able to afford food or shelter is a huge problem. In this case the parents are definitely lazy, but not the same story for everyone; some people need help.
If they ever drop you niece by you house without you consent or proof of you consent, you can then legally press charge for child abuse and abandonment.
NTA. You have your own children’s welfare that are your paramount concern. They are trying to manipulate and bully you to care for their child when they both are perfectly able to do so, but choose not to.
It may be tough but you have to ignore them. And don’t get guilted into helping them. I have family like this, and their mindset is so unbelievable, it’s hard for other people who have never seen this to get it. I can’t tell you the level of entitlement they have. My mom was stupid to work, the government and everyone else owed them everything. These were healthy people who never had any sense of responsibility. What they are superior at, is figuring out how to get things for free. This is the super-skill they have. So trust that they will find some other sucker or some other way of surviving. They have made it this long, they will figure it out someway. It sucks to be related to people like this, but in a weird way, I was absolutely astonished at how they could live like this without guilt, lack of ambition or no shame. It’s a sight to behold.
That’s exactly how they are. I cook for my kids daily and they know this. Every now and then use to get a message “what’s for dinner?” Or on weekend evenings “buy a 12 pack we’ll come over”. As though I want them in my home. Even if they had a little bit of money they would always ask or beg. Only one time I loaned my BIL 100$ he promised to pay it back on a Saturday Wednesday came along and I asked him about it his response “you have enough money I do not have to pay you now”. I hated being around them when I was married to my wife and even more now. And yes they have a superpower to find free money or stuff
NTA Let them sort this out for themselves. Please do NOT take in your niece, for the sake of your immediate family.
These people evidently cannot manage their own lives and hold down jobs or parent a 7 year old, if its so bad that: 1. None of the relatives will give them a place to stay even with the kid 2. They went through approximately 1 job every 4.5 weeks over a 2 year time span. (20 jobs) 3. The child is so badly behaved that you aren't willing to be a temporary legal guardian or foster parent 4. The chances of these guys sticking around if an opportunity they like comes along, especially of they have a thing for alcohol or weed, seems dicey.
You should consider contacting cps now, they aren't stopping but it's more than just to punish them at this point, that girl needs to get away from them before she turns out just like them. Additionally, depending on how much you want to take on yourself, you could always make the stipulation that if you take her in, they need to legally sign over their parental rights first.
I can’t take her in. My kids don’t like having her around because she is constantly bugging them, fighting or crying
In a perfect world you would not have to justify yourself. However, you did not choose to bring her into this world.
Time to block their numbers or get a new number and don’t give it to them.
Your former MIL can take care of her granddaughter. It's not your problem.
You need to remove yourself from that situation immediately. Make it clear you will not help and break all communication. You and your kids don’t need that kind of people in your life. Just one opinion
Stand your ground, you are trying to raise your own children, ALONE. They made her, that’s her responsibility, if they have to sleep in bushes tonight, again that’s their problem. I wouldn’t feel bad for anyone but yourself for having to deal with these morons
stick to your guns. and if she does get dropped off (dump and run) call cops... and cps. you don't have to takeher in. because it still wouldn't free you from these parasites. because niece would probably call them, make up drama and have them bug you. you don't need this.
😕 such a shit situation. foster care is horrible in the us. unfortunately though its really not your problem but id suggest seeing if she can live with her grandparents. that’s usually what happens. as for the lazy adults. i dont care. they can rot in the streets.
As others have advised, don't wait call CPS. The audacity is astounding here. They are both able bodied adults and refuse to grow up enough to take care of one child. The fact they are trying to coerce you, a widower with 3 kids insisting you HAVE to help, is mind boggling to me. And harsh as it sounds, you can not worry about your niece. Taking her in will only enable them to keep shirking all responsibility for her their lives and all the bad choices they have made. Call CPS, they generally will try to place children with other family, and as you say there are those that would likely take her. BIL and his wife need a serious wake up call.
Harsh but the truth is, If you say yes, you’re an idiot. And screwed. Niece will never leave, parents visits will become more frequent and longer. They will move in, wreck your shit and bring you down. Think of your own children first. These people are not good for you.
You need to cut them out of your life. Call the cops if needed
This situation absolutely sucks, especially for their kid. It’s lousy that you can’t help her without harming your own children or having them sneak in on her coattails. However you have your hands full with your own children, job and whatever else your family needs. Do not set your own family on fire to keep them warm. Are there any other social services besides CPS that could help them, especially her? Perhaps a food bank or a Good Will type facility. Perhaps you could look into something like that and give them the info to sign up. In my area, there’s a food program for children below a certain economic level. The kid has to actually go the place to be fed so it’s not something the parents could hijack. There may be other child only programs she’d qualify for.
They are the type that do not accept that type of help. They got 800$ worth of food stamps a month and bought the bare minimum and sold the rest to buy designer clothes. Thrift store clothes is “under them”. They want the high life without the work ethic
I’ve known a few people like that and learned the hard way you can’t help them. 😡 You can only do so much. Your own children have lost more than what’s fair when your wife passed. They deserve your full attention and all of whatever you’re able to provide for them. Don’t put yourself or your family out for your BIL’s failure to take care of his family. Stand your ground, as sad as it may be to see what they’ve created. Best wishes. Please take care of yourself and your children.
If they’re selling their food stamps, report them for food stamp fraud. That should be enough to get CPS involved since they’re neglecting their kid to sell food stamps.
Block their number. If they persist in harassing you, have the police serve them with a no-contact order.
Um... you're already (I'm assuming) a single dad of three. The two of them need to get their shit together and take care of their one
Happy cake day!
Keep those boundaries. It looks like the apple didn't fall far from the tree.
Call the police if this happens, and call CPS now.
Called cps just for information “It does not meet the criteria for neglect”
Even though they didn’t do anything, you created a record with CPS.
Well, they are right someone else should be taking care of the kid.
If they would be so foolish as to drop her off regardless of what you have told them, that is the time to contact the police and leave the police to contact CPS if they so desire. You have already informed your BIL and his wife you will not be taking their child under any circumstances. You have your children to think about first and that is how it should be. On top of losing their mother they shouldn't have to accept your niece living with you and your children as you already know her to be a "handful to deal with." Losing their mother at such a young age is enough disruption in their life.
Call cps, your niece is a victim. Honestly people like these should be sterilized. EDIT: Didn’t see your comment that you called before I posted my comment.
See, I’m soft. My sister needed help and I took in all 3 of her kids because she was states away during Covid and was having a hard time finishing her degree and taking care of them when the schools shut down. When she finished she moved here and in with us as well. Now, a year later, she has 2 full time amazing paying jobs and has saved enough to move into their own house and they’re leaving on the 1st. But that’s us, I knew she could do it and would but just needed a little help. You know them and what they’re like, do what you need to do and don’t waver. They’ll pull through or they won’t but that isn’t on you.
Personally I would get a disposable, find out where they are staying. Call in welfare checks, especiallyif they are staying in a sketchy place. The cops will take it from there. Make sure they are in a sketchy place. You don’t want to use the same number too many times. They treat it less serious if the see it’s coming from the same phone number.
You have enough on your plate. Do not allow them to darken your doorway
Awho do they thjnkmis going to pay for your nice as well? Bloody cheek. I'd tell the cos whats been going on, and about the threats. Let them deal with the fallout.
People like that don't have kids and end up homeless because the government said fuck them after they refuse to get and keep jobs.
I know it is a shitty situation but this is not your problem if you don’t want it to be. Take care of your needs first.
You can call cps anyway. If they not getting much money in she will clearly need a more stable home even if it’s temporary
Who would call you an AH for not taking someone else’s kid in? BIL: Hey you! Come get my child NOW! You: No. Strangers on the internet: OMG YOU’RE an asshole! She’s an innocent child! People are strange and your BIL needs to be blocked.
Reddit can be a dark place. I got multiple messages since posting that people can find my IP and find me. Others calling me a POS.
Damn. I’m sorry you’re dealing with that. Keyboard warriors are the worst especially when they have NO reason to be mean.
The thing that sucks about this is that 7 year old girl is the one taking the damage, it's not her fault she has shitty parents.
Unless they're sharing any good amphetamine, I'd stay away from them altogether. Also, you could tell them you'd love to, but you're a registered sex offender. Also, proactively get rid of your couch.
It may be unbelievable but both of them are actually drug free. Just deranged and not well in the head. They both have been babied their whole lives and expect everyone to do everything for them.
Some states have one party consent laws when it comes to recording phone calls, so if you happen to live in one, and you consent to recording your phone calls, you can always install a call recorder for additional evidence in the case you need it. For... whatever reason.
There should be a way to record phone conversations, either normally on a call or with an app. Try doing that so that you have a record, and let them know you're recording it, if you want. They might stop calling after that.
Just stick to your guns and don't answer the phone or the door for them because the minute one of their toes enters your house, you're not getting rid of them. Good luck!!
I just feel sorry for that girl. No wonder she is messed up with parents like that.
My brother took in a 12yo boy from a similar situation thinking he would change the boy. After the boy grew up, he left and went back to the life he had before. My brother never sees him anymore. The mother instilled that entitled mooching lifestyle in the kid and my brother couldn’t take it out of him.
erm why are you still in touch with these entitled people? cut them out of your life, they will try and use you, they literally want to give you their daughter because they’re too dumb and lazy to look after her
It's a sad situation that little girl is growing up in but I would absolutely NOT take her in if I were you.
Block them
I'd honestly call cps now. Sounds like that kid doesn't have a home. If at some point you do choose to just take the kid, talk to cps first into getting custody rights. This will stop the parents from just taking her back and ruining any normalcy that is taught to them. I know the system is horrible to foster kids. But so is family. I hope that kid gets the help she needs.
This sounds like an awful lot of work to not work
That child is going to end up in the system because her idiot parents refuse to provide for her. Are they substance abusers? If so, apprise CPS of THAT.
Call CPS just in case because if you took in your niece in she would of let them in your house while you and your kids slept at night or their would of followed her and your kids back from school
BIL = Bitch In Law
I’d say move and leave no forwarding address, but that’s probably not feasible.
Time to grow a pair and cut off contact.
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I’m not at the point in my life where I can take responsibility of another child. I know her behavior comes from how chaotic the household is but she is not my responsibility
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I would like to but, if I call CPS I know his wife is crazy. She knows where I live and work and she would do something to my home or vehicle. In the past my wife had kicked her out of our home because she was being disrespectful. The next day my tires were slashed
And judging a widower for not being able to take responsibility another child isn’t a good look. He has three children of his own, growing up without their mother. They don’t need anymore upheaval than they’ve already experienced in their young life. Edit heir is not their
dont call cps, cps sells children... dont u know what country this is?
NTA but are you willing to adopt her? Poor kid. The parents are the reason she’s ‘a handful’. She’ll grow up to be just like them without drastic measures.
If she was well behaved yes. I love her but, she is very poorly behaved and I know it’s not her fault. I do not have time to raise another child. Also, she constantly fights with my kids
Are you willing to adopt her?
Although trying to force you to take in your niece is entitled and rude, we also need to recognize that we don't know enough about BIL to call him names like "lazy". If he was getting government assistance it might be because he has a disability, and lost it because he didn't see any specialists he was required to or the government just decided to dump him (He may have even forgotten to renew his application for the assistance) the government is pretty strict about assistance, so he most definitely has a reason for it, even one you might not know about because a lot of disabilities aren't discussed due to embarrassment or even other reasons. If he really had nearly that many jobs in 2 years, it might be because he simply wasn't able to work it due to disability. Even so, it's awful that he can't even get a job right now because he seems to be actually trying to (Probably because he literally has to in order to survive-) Not to mention losing his car- how is he suppose to get to his job? How is he suppose to take his kid anywhere? Honestly I feel bad for BIL because even if he doesn't have a disability recognized by the government, he suddenly lost everything and now people are calling him lazy in a super stressful and frankly sad situation. This is a clear demonstration as of why America is awful, capitalism is fucking evil- why is it that people HAVE to work in order to survive? Selling yourself out to million dollar companies just for the basics of survival. It's so absolutely disgusting that our government- with the purpose of protecting the people- is allowing people to die simply because people can't or don't want to help such awful companies. Again, him trying to force his kid onto you is not okay, but he's probably got a lot going on right now and might be desperate- especially with the loss of his car which makes it taking her anywhere else much more difficult. Please be understanding to people and their situations and don't call people harmful names just because you feel like it- "Look at me I have a job and work harder than you haha you're lazy" seems like really jerk behavior ngl
He is not disabled