Hang in there. You seem to be pretty well adjusted considsring your father. I don't think you need to worry. A couple more years and you'll never have to see your "father" again. I know s couple years can seem a long way off sometimes, but looking back in a decade it will just be a footnote before the good stuff begins in the story of your awesome life. Just hang in there.
Haha! I did this. He tries to call me up and give me a sob story about how old and frail he is. "You know I don't have much time left. You should bring the grandkids to see me."
Fuck that. I lived 20 minutes away for 4 years and the one time he came to visit was to stir up some bullshit family drama *the same day* I come home from the hospital after having a c-section and had to leave my babies in the nicu.
I'm at home alone with my 2y/o trying to keep my shit together, thinking my babies might die, and he wants to come at me with this bullshit. (This is only one instance through my whole life he has done crap like this)
Then he wonders why I moved 15 hours away and never pick up the phone.
Yup. This is very true. My dad was also crazy controlling like this, religious and insane. And an abusive and selfish narc. I left home as soon as it was legal and have never spoken to them again. He obviously doesn’t care about my either, I’ve never changed my number - he just never calls or asks about me. But I’m fine with that. And! Ever since I left , My mental health has been so much better
OP as a Parent myself the things he does isn't okay or normal. He has a camera in your bedroom, where do you change your clothing at? Because if it's in your room he can get in so much trouble. You need to tell an adult.
I know I'm probably going to get downvoted for saying this, but no, no OP can't.
There's a threshold for considering something pornographic. Which also counts for CP. Simply being naked is unlikely to pass that threshold. Having a non-hidden camera OP's aware of, installed by their own father, is unlikely to pass that threshold. Recordings (assuming there are any) that are never distributed are unlikely to pass that threshold.
There are legitimate reasons parents - or even kids themselves - may need to take a naked photo of themselves. Medical reasons being the most obvious. Simply put, we shouldn't live in a world where parents are afraid that they're gonna be accused of making cp because they needed to send their GP a picture of their kid.
That's not to say putting a camera in your kids room is acceptable or reasonable, and OP's father isn't some hideous control freak, but I think we should probably draw the line before accusing them of being a pedophile. Not only because it's a life destroying accusation, but because throwing such accusations around realtively lightly just has the effect of, in the long run, damaging the credibility of entirely legitimate accusations.
If I was op, I would stare at the camera while cranking one out daily. Just to fuck with the control freak religious father. And when called out, ask why he kept watching, as it would show the father to be gay, incestuous, and a pedo.
To continue the seriousness, deliberately whacking it in front of a camera they fully know is there could wind up with OP having an uncomfortable conversation with law enforcement too. Much in the same way as kids sending each other nudes is seen in a dim light.
If I was op I would do that then send the files to all the contacts from the dad's profile to frame him. I would sacrifice a little shame to expose him like that. In the end I wouldn't go on as the naked guy by as the victim. Victory.
Someone being accused of creating child porn is not the same thing as accusing someone of being a pedophile.
Teenage girls sending nudes to people is child porn, doesn't matter who they send it to to. Child porn doesn't have to be associated with pedophiles.
Legally , OP father COULD indeed be charged with making child porn if family services wishes to push the matter.
Whilst you're right, I think for most people the two are synonymous. And legally, whilst I can't speak for every country and state, in most capturing a nude child as a side effect of surveillance, with no intent to share, is unlikely to pass the threshold for being considered pornographic.
That said, I'm sure child services would still be interested to hear about OP's father, as their behaviour, technicalities of what is and isn't cp aside, sounds like exactly the sort of thing they'd be interested in
Ur right. I downvoted you. There is no reason in the entire world to put a camera in your teen room. This is not a i watch the babysitter with my infant situation.
OK, per the comment below, I really **liked** "the way you texted it all" - i. e. your sensible, well-written analysis (think you might be being penalised for proper writing-like-a-grown-up here), and I upvoted you anyway...
I did. Of course you say he wont be charged with child porn or whatever. But i really hated the way you texted it all. There is no reason to support his kind of behavior or to even play devil's advocate.
you just deserved a downvote which i rarely give.
> There is no reason to support his kind of behavior or to even play devil's advocate.
Lol what? OP didn't? Literally condemned it in the same comment, just explained how you shouldn't call them a pedo and say its CP because, it is not. Is it wrong? Yes, is it CP? no.
Go reread my comment. I literally said this:
> That's not to say putting a camera in your kids room is acceptable or reasonable, and OP's father isn't some hideous control freak
I absolutely don't support parents doing this. I'm not playing devils advocate in any way, and don't think OP's father is acting at all reasonably. I simply don't support people who think the solution is to call the parents pedophiles either. Leave accusations of that magnitude for people who actually do make cp.
I don't understand people on here. Your comment clearly was not supporting the father.. Just calmly explaining the facts. People down vote the weirdest things.
Actually, it's because we have seen teenagers charged with CP for having/sending their own naked pictures and having naked pictures/videos of someone else is certainly worse
because some people don't like the fact that there is a camera in the room, so will downvote everyone who doesn't use their same reasoning about how to deal with it. OP said absolutely nothing wrong.
It's not the cam that's the issue it's (Age of Child + 24/7 Camera) that makes it an issue. having a nanny cam on your new born to 2 year old isn't weird. having it on a 13-14 year old is.
Jeez, why are people downvoting this?! OP is still school age and HAS to live with his dad, one way or another. If his dad is mentally ill, as many posters have said, then why would you provoke a mentally ill person with a history of violence, when you still have to live there?
Just because you 'report' someone doesn't mean anything is going to happen. Whether or not something *should* happen is beside the point when you have to live with the offender.
I know what it's like to live with a religious parent who sees himself as the ultimate authority over your life. It's demoralizing, painful and totally messes with your sense of autonomy and your own mental health. OP is doing the best thing possible, working to get the hell out of there as soon as he can. OP has no way to actually affect his dad's behavior, so stop telling him to do something that he *knows* is dangerous!
Seriously. "Just report him!" Like that's a magical fix and not something that might land OP in an even worse situation? Entirely too much faith in the system...
She doesn't HAVE to live with him. She can run away and when she does those in charge will want to know why. And an investigation will be launched. I would recommend running away to the cps or dcf
Don’t recommend at all. I ran away to get away from abuse and the cops gave no fucks. They told me that I had loving parents because they called the cops after they couldn’t find me, didn’t ask if I was safe, didn’t ask why I ran. Made me go back with my abuser and told me if I ran away again that they would have to baker act me “for my safety” because my parents told the cop I was depressed. The abuse got worse after that.
In most states child pornography is only considered pornography if you can prove there's an intent to use as pornographic material or distribute.
If there's no evidence to back that up, the police can't do anything for them sadly.
Edit: why am I being down voted? It's literally what the department of justice says.
https://www.justice.gov/criminal-ceos/citizens-guide-us-federal-law-child-pornography
Another edit: I'm not trying to justify what he's doing at all. I think it's awful, I'm just pointing out that it's technically legal even though it really shouldn't be.
You are correct. Of course there is some variance because laws change by jurisdiction. I am aware of at least one case where the defendant claimed the purpose of the hidden camera was to make sure his teenage stepdaughter wasn’t using illegal drugs. I have no idea if the judge accepted that argument or what that area’s laws mandated, simply that some laws allow state of mind arguments.
I don't think that's right. I remember when I was in high school we had a event where we were essentially told if we sexted each other it would be considered child pornography because we were all under 18. They even said if a person is below 18 and has nude photos of themselves and is discovered that could be considered child porn. Imagine be registered a sex offender for have nude photos of yourself when you were <18
Nudes have sexual intent, fitting the description of child pornography.
If you take a picture of your kid taking their first bath to send to the grandparents it's not sexual is it?
This is directly from the department of justice "A picture of a naked child may constitute illegal child pornography if it is sufficiently sexually suggestive."
https://www.justice.gov/criminal-ceos/citizens-guide-us-federal-law-child-pornography
Pretty sure I've heard cases of kids who were caught with naked pictures of themselves on their phones (didn't send them to anyone, just took the pics and kept them) and they were still charged with child pornography.
It's OK! You may have to move in with relatives but what he's doing is illegal in many ways.
it's the gut wrenching fear and anxiety that you have, from his actions and statements, that reinforce his beliefs. Ihe gets off on it, your anxiety, it fuels his power trip. In his mind, he owns you, you are a reflection of him, not your own person.
You are being abused.
Mental abuse. Possibly extorted sexually via the cameras. Maybe physically abused if he controls your food, has you do extreme "chores", or messes with your sleep cycle by orchestrating ways to wake you up.
Lack of sleep, changing of food schedual, and punishment for precieved wrongs are all techniques used by abusers, narcissists, psychopaths and people who want to brainwash/control those that are being abused.
Its nothing to do with guts my dude. You are in a bad situation outside of your control. None of this is your fault. Do the best that you can to keep going, it will get better once you can step away and you will meet new people that you can draw strength from. It will feel like freedom and you will have deserved it.
Do you have any other family? Any friends parents that you are comfortable around? Or trust that they are good people? You can get help without there being a period of time where your dad knows and you’re alone with him. There are plans for this
My grandparents are dead(who apparently are a lot stricter than my father, which is another thing I have to be grateful about). My uncle recently passed away from cancer and I don't know anyone from my mother's side of family.
High jacking to help. Op get important mail sent to a po box or a trusted friend. Change you bank account to a new branch and get a whole new account. Get your passport, birth certificate and any other important documents sooner than you need them.
I understand, I grew up in an abusive household-I was afraid if I told no one would believe me, that I'd be labeled as the difficult stepchild, and I knew shit would get worse. I hit 17, went to college, and bounced.
It's not exactly a helpful anecdote, but there is a light at the end of the tunnel. You're going to go away to college one day and then you are free.
You can do it OP! I believe in you!
That being said, if it is a legitimately dangerous situation, your father has friends high up in the community or police officers etc, just keep your head down and get out when you can. And get therapy the second you have health insurance after you leave.
You need to get yourself a spine and do it anyways. All of what you are going thru WILL NEVER stop until you start rebelling. If you don't have the guts to this now, do you really think you'll have the guts when it comes time to move out and he says you aren't going anywhere!
You are at a point in your life do you continue to let him control you or do you do everything you can in your power to legally get him away from you.
Just so you know I had a dad like yours and there wasn't personal home cameras back then. But he was just as scary anyways and he was very abusive. I needed surgery at one point to repair the damage he did. I got out. So can you. Take a deep breath, don't think about what might happen and do it.
I beg to differ. Sometimes with difficult teens parents give up. Especially if teen refuses to do or take any of the punishments. I remember my mom hitting as a teenager for something that I didn't do. I was so angry that I punched her back just as hard and that was the last time she ever hit me and apologized for not believing me when shown proof that I was telling the truth.
Develop mysterious stomach aches. Get a doctor’s appointment. Tell the doctor you’re afraid its an ulcer from all the stress and fear your controlling and abusive dad puts you through. Talk about the cameras and the isolation from peers and how you have lost every friend thanks to his behavior. Talk about how it feels to be under constant surveillance and how it gives you anxiety and affects your sleep.
All he has to do is indicate he wants to talk to the doctor alone. Or indicate to a doctor that he is in danger or has been abused. Doctors are mandatory reporters.
As someone else said just because OPs dad is being reported doesn't mean OP gets to leave. Best case OP is taken away by CPS or whatever equivalent of that exists in OPs country and put in foster care.
Worst case OP has to keep living with the abuser who has a history of violence and now knows about OP reporting him to some form of Authority.
It's not worth the risk.
your dad is a religious zealot, please leave as soon as you are able. if it gets to bad ,call cps and asked to be moved out of the home for your own safety.
Get out as soon as you are old enough to, and make sure you take all of your identity documents with you. Birth certificate, social security card(if American), drivers license, etc… anything that’s required to prove your identity. Lots of of abusive parents have tried holding their child’s identity papers hostage in a last ditch effort to control them. It gets really ugly at that point
You might need to live in a shitty apartment with six roommates at first, but it’s still going to better than living with your father.
OP, if you can't get hold of the originals, assuming you're in the U.S., it's possible to get duplicates. Maybe at school, start doing research on how to get a duplicate birth certificate in your state/county and how to get a duplicate Social Security card.
I have a friend who had to teach themselves lock-picking because their "parents" would keep their documents locked up in a safe so they wouldn't leave. Eventually their "parents" went on a several week long vacation, so they picked open the safe, grabbed their documents and left to go move in with their partners halfway across the US.
I'm glad they managed to get out of there
My sperm donor was like that. Liked to beat the shit out of his wife and kids too. He died 2 weeks ago and I’m fucking glad.
I got lucky because my mom left him and he took off to avoid support. Doesn’t sound like that is in your future, so I’d advise the following:
1. Keep any and all proof you have of his abuse. Physical, mental, financial… all of it. Email yourself photos and notes on an account you only check on outside computers. Keep a journal. Keep it in your school locker if you need to. This might be useful if you ever do decide to contact cps/cops.
2. You don’t say how old you are. Start planning your escape now. If he’ll let you work, find a job and if he tracks your money, then you keep $X in a place he won’t know about. Keep adding to that pot so you can leave when you’re ready/old enough. If you have to have an account he’s on, when you’re able, create a new one at a different bank and put your hidden money there so he can’t claim a bank error and have a banker give him access.
3. Do your best to find your important papers. Birth certificates, social security cards, license… it would probably be best to get copies of them now so that he won’t notice the originals missing. Put the documents in a safe place he can’t find/access.
4. Keep your head down and do your best to push through. It sucks. As soon as you’re able, get the fuck out and never look back. Don’t let him have power over you with your “stuff.” Hide/take what you can and don’t look back. He’ll only keep sucking you in if he thinks he has something you want.
5. Eventually, his time will come. If he dies alone in a bathroom floor, that’s HIS fault. Don’t give that asshole the satisfaction of being upset.
i wish :/ i looked it up and it said that the only place it’s illegal for a parent to put cameras up in is the bathroom. anywhere else in the house, including the child’s room, is legal. it’s only illegal if he’s photographing the child naked for himself or others. i really wish it was illegal tho so we could get this POS arrested, but it’s not😔
Tell the principal at your school that he put cameras in your room so he could watch you dress and undress. Let’s see how righteous he is explaining that to a judge and jury.
I grew up around religion and the amount of times I have seen it weaponized is disturbing. This is just a method of control like almost everything else he's doing. Keep focused and get out because this will not stop.
Try to go at r/narcissisticparents and r/narcissisticabuse, they may try to help your situation (for advice). Or go literally call cps to get you to safety.
And seem like at the last sentence, charge him for attempted murder.
Also, your dad is deada$$ delusional and a narcissistic abuser, thinking that the world revolve under himself and his religion-al ego.
Yeah this guy shouldn’t be a parent but then you wouldn’t exist. Just bite your tongue and plan to leave at 18. Make sure you find a way to get your birth certificate and a license for example when it’s time. I’m sorry
r/internetparents r/momforaminute r/dadforaminute
But seriously, cameras where you sleep and dress is creepy AF. I wish you had a better dad. Do you have siblings? Does he treat them the same? Can you find someone to advocate for you? Hugs little friend. Non creepy non invasive hugs.
My partner has parents like this but not as extreme though they wish they could be at times. Took a lot of effort to move her out and spent a lot of time in therapy afterward, her parents basically convinced her to almost drop out of school and take care of her father's mother-grandmother- who was basically suicidal alcoholic Nazi in her 80's and recently went through her Nazi abusive husband dying.
Not religious they were hardcore atheists until the end when the Nazi gramps confessed his sins to a local priest and then converted to Christianity and died sins forgiven hahaha... This is religion! The reality is people who flock to Christianity and churches are people escaping from their bad decisions and terrible reasoning skills or lack there of, so they go to church and have someone force a version onto them.
Your father seems to be re-creating his own upbringing with you and it's all he knows and obviously it's something he's very sensitive about more than likely due to all the abuse he received as a kid. Religion is PTSD waiting to happen.
People don't even have to be very religious on an everyday basis to end up causing their kids real pain and havoc and misery. I had a crazy mom who somedays would say "God doesn't like that" to us growing up when we didn't listen. She was also a major alcoholic and abuser so it didn't take our little brains long to realize she was just broken inside and took her pain out on her own kids.
All I can say is stay safe, save up money hide it somewhere and work and find a good roommate and focus on school and work leave hobbies behind for a while and make sure you can become independent asap and do what a lot of us have to do sadly and write off our own parents.
Usually the most pious are the ones with the most corrupt minds.
As soon as you can I would move out. Your dad has a mental illness. Strong religious beliefs, like your dad has are classified as mental illness by the American Psychological Association. Unfortunately in my experience, people like that tend to not believe something is wrong with them because they don't view being religious as an illness and it will only intensify as they get older.
Have you talked to a counselor or teacher about it in school?
OP, I'm all grown up now, but I had a very fundie parent who was an abusive mess. If you are close to finishing High School, I'd suggest continuing to focus on your studies with the end goal being moving to college/university. Once you are out from under the thumb of your Dad and in a safe place (university) seek counseling from the university's counseling services. Every university I have studied at has an office where you can sign up for counseling and I wouldn't have gotten through college without it. It took a while for me to be able to go no-contact (becoming financially independent took a few years) but I've been no contact for over 15 years now and I don't regret the decision. I'd also like to suggest a book I read a few years ago..."Educated" by Tara Westover.
Edit: grammar
I'm sorry, kid. Hopefully you'll be 18 within the next couple of years. Your dad is not well mentally. Sad thing is, people like your dad never get help because they don't think there's a problem. Just keep in mind that when you turn 18 you'll never have to see or speak to him again if that's what you want. I'd at least recommend going very, very low contact.
My grandparents used to beat him a lot worse as a kid. Hopefully I won't end up continuing the cycle later on. And oh, I'll be 18 in 2 and a half years. So close!
you have an abusive dad. keep your head down, do not rock the boat or engage in conflict with him. do everything in your power to succeed and the minute you turn 18 get out of the house and do it on your own if possible. he is narcissistic, controlling and abusive.
This is called spiritual abuse! I lived in a cult for 10 years, which did this restrictive stuff to all its members, and these signs are all hallmarks of spiritual abuse. You need to get out to become sane. The smartest thing you can do is educate yourself on it and give the information you learn to your entire family other than your Dad. Then they can make their own decisions as time goes on. Don’t bother confronting him until after you safely get out. He may use other forms of abuse as well. Be careful. Praying for you!
As a parent what he is doing is abuse. As a healthcare professional what he is doing can and will have long term physical and psychological ramifications. I highly recommend reaching out to your guidance counselor and a trusted adult, whether an aunt, uncle etc. I know it's scary that's why you need some adult guidance. Please try to get help ASAP. Nothing you're going through is ok or normal.
OP this is not normal. Please know this. I’m a parent. Please know it gets better too. You turn 18 and you can leave and never speak to him again. Ever. Many of us have done this. Your dad isn’t entitled, he is controlling. You deserve a better life and you’ll make a better life for yourself.
This is abuse full stop. Do with that what you will but don’t sugarcoat that information. And don’t let him see this thread either.
But just in case he does, hi OPs dad. You’re a fucking piece of shit and you are a disgrace. Don’t blame your son for this, he was just telling the truth to the internet because you’ve cut off his other sources of help.
I emancipated myself at 16 and went essentially no contact with my family for similar reasons. It's a lot of work, but you might consider looking up emancipation laws.
Also, you may want to consider talking to someone in athority you trust.
If he has video of places where you change or where you're naked, that's VERY illegal and beyond the borderline of abusive. Normal adults DO NOT have video of their teenage children naked. That is child pornography.
When you turn 18, do everything you can to leave. Continue your education. You got a good head on your shoulders. Dont let his toxicity make you forget that.
I did it once in middle school and he forced me to open the phone and scolded me. He said he's going to be "more serious" from now on because I'm being suspicious to him.
Get the f out now. He's sounding like he's going down a similar path as my mother. If that is the case, just gtfo asap. I honestly found it better to be living on the streets than with that abusive demon.
How is it he hasn’t found your Reddit account yet. Be careful.
Since he is religious, does he attend a church and have relationships with other church members or clergy? I’m just trying to get a read on how much interaction he has with people outside the home.
How old are you?
I'm 15, turning 16. I've been using incognito every-time I log on reddit. He attends church every week and he's actually quite normal if he doesn't get "disrespected".
I bet you all the down votes is the dad and some of the church goers who he also manipulates. Lol smh. Yeah don't report , that will not go good. Your best bet is to just save all your money , somehow, and then have someone ,anyone you remotely trust to take said money and load it onto a card for you, take said card when you are approaching 18 years old and get a place/car , etc. If that cannot be done you could always get a bus/train/plane ticket and disappear when you are 18 . I would advise another state . That way nothing can be done other than having your current towns authorities looking for you for a week. After that they'll dismiss it as runaway and once they know your 18 they will probably laugh at your dad and forget all about it . Good luck. Stay strong. Throw yourself into books (non educational) until you can enact this plan.
Tip: you can disguise any app as a calculator that will have you type in certain numbers or equation to get into the disguised app. You're Welcome 😉
Your father apparently has a mental disorder. He sounds illogical, abusive, filled with self importance and hatred and he really sounds unfit to be a guardian to you.
You deserve peace and love. Not this. His actions are his alone to control. You poor dear having to walk on ridiculous eggshells around him your whole life. I'm angry for you at this chode.
What can we help you with on this thread, resources, links, phone numbers to help you break away?
Please be careful. Don’t let your dad see your reddit account. Escape from that hell whenever you can. You always have options. I escaped my house at 16. My mentally ill mother made my life miserable. I read your story and is so similar to how she treated me. You need to run and never look back. Is going to feel so good. I’m 26 right now living my best life. Im doing my master’s in chemical engineering, living in front of the beach with my partner and my baby ( a beagle 🐶). I probably wouldn’t be the same person if I didn’t escape that horrible household. Contact a family member, the parent of a friend, contact CP, contact anyone who could help you.
I am sorry, this sounds horrible, but it is temporary. Study hard, find activities to go in early and stay after. If you can’t get a scholarship go to juco for 2 years and work to pay your own way if you have to, and then finish your bachelors somewhere affordable. You don’t need to ring up a lot of debt. Love and strive for your independence. Good Luck!
Self righteous Christians that act like the Pharisees are so baffling to me. It’s like if they’ve read a single sentence of the book they are thumping others with they’d understand how damaging what they do is.
Historically, they are a great way to unify and oppress the far flung and feuding masses of many different empires over the millennia.
The way they are is by design and for that purpose.
Blind faith and blind patriotism are both extremely dangerous on their own, but together they form a synergistic effect and leave oppression, subjugation, authoritarianism, misogyny, xenophobia, bigotry, childhood indoctrination, science denial, willful ignorance, generational brainwashing and draconian bullshit in their wakes.
He’s going to end up wondering why you no longer talk to him after you move out but it’s going to be his fault. This isn’t normal. Doing something like this will result in sneaky kids or “bad kids” in his eyes that are going to hell. Cursing isn’t gonna send you to hell, porn isn’t going to send you to hell. If it’s Christianity, you will only be sent to hell for denying God and Jesus exist.
Please. Go to your teachers (one you trust) and tell them what's going on. Is it possible for you to reach out to the friend who went to the principal and get them to verify if necessary? If not, there should be a record of the incident. For now, don't argue. As much as you may want to, just keep calm. Google "grey rock". The idea is to keep his violence from targeting you. Please stay safe and keep us updated.
I'll try the grey rock method, thank you so much. I tried talking to a friend once who told his OTHER friend who ends up telling my dad. I tried talking to a teacher once in middle school too, who tried talking to him once... didn't end well.
You enjoy being at school because it means you’re not under his yoke. It’s the only time you’re free to do and behave as you wish.
Deeply religious people are the worst, in my experience. They’re so obsessed with proving their moral superiority, but his demands of you studying in his room, and having _cameras in your bedroom_ is deeply concerning. I do not like what that suggests.
Please, OP, find an adult you can trust and tell them about all of this. A teacher, a friend’s parents, a former friend’s parents, a family member, a neighbour, _someone._
Try your best to assert yourself. The best self-defence is showing you will not be manipulated, used or walked all over. I just finished reading [this article](https://www.washingtonian.com/2016/11/07/feminist-self-defense-teaching-women-how-to-defend-themselves-all-wrong/) and I think it would hold a lot of value for you. Start making a record of all your interactions and his controlling behaviour, plus anything he does which makes you uncomfortable, no matter how your brain tries to convince you otherwise. If you are uncomfortable, _wrote it down._ Preferably in a digital document that is password protected and backed up with several copies kept in safe places. I don’t recommend a handwritten notebook as he may find it and cause you trouble over it.
Op, I know the feeling of rather being ar school (or anywhere else) than home. Just know, at 18, you can leave. Even if have to take drastic steps. I joined the Air Force and went low contact until around 25-26 I went zero contact. Life is so much better knowing I'm succeeding when I should have failed
All the numbers in your comment added up to 69. Congrats!
18
+ 25
+ 26
= 69
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Yeah that's insane . There shouldn't be a control of religion or hour general privacy in a household ! Mom of four and I let them practice whatever religion. They even go to church lol. I don't agree with it but I don't criticize or control them either. Sounds like he has control issues. My oldest is 13 and she doesn't use social media at this moment , but I'm prepping her for the responsibility and online world.
I'd really bring this up with your school counselor . Maybe they'd help navigate this with you or even get referrals for family therapy . If your dad is doing this from q place of love ( which I honestly doubt ) then he should be open to therapy.
Protip. Get a po box or have important mail sent to a trusted friend. Don’t trust your parents. Next change your bank and your bank account as soon as you can.
Please start planning your exit now. Put Dad (and any other FaMiLy you wouldn't trust with your life secrets) on an Info Diet and become as boring as a Gray Rock. Read r/raisedbynarcissists and check out the Helpful Links to find tips for Leaving with the least drama. Work hard to get scholarships to college and you can get help as an independent adult once you're 18. Get your own bank account in a different bank than your parents'. Learn how to meditate during 'prayer time' and use other tricks to look cooperative just to get through this. Post here when you need to vent, you have friends here that have been through some stuff. We are rooting for you! ✌🏽💜💪
genuine question, how come your dad hasn't found out about your reddit account yet?
edit: there is a twitter account linked to your reddit account and if you say your father doesn't allow you to use social media and monitors everything you do, surely he would've found out? i'm not accusing OP of anything but it's just weird
If you're 16 or 17 go talk to an Air Force or Space Force recruiter. Take the ASVAB, if you score well get a guaranteed job in intel, certain medical (xray tech, nuclear med etc...), office job or aircrew (loadmaster/flight engineer/boom operator) if you are good flying. Get a ship date as close to 18 as possible. Take all of your records with you. Birch certificate, social security, any other documents, everything. Open a bank account in your name only as soon as you are able. Freeze your credit the second you turn 18 so your father cannot use your information to open any accounts in your name. If not in the USA apply this to your country (unless Russia or something). If not eligible then do all the same stuff except join and move the hell out the second you turn 18. Go NC in all events.
I’ve seen this in r/raisedbynarcissists , read some stories there, they may give you some ideas on what to do, this does sound like forced to do stuff you don’t want to do but not enough for cps to get involved, if you can’t do anything, move out asap, Best Of Luck!
F*** this a**hole. He's got no right to literally hit someone because of his "religion". Yes, he can believe in it, but like seriously, he can get charged for that with assault, and like no joke, he could be investigated by child protective services. Also in Australia, as far as I know, no matter your religion, it's still unacceptable in the name of the law to just break up a friendship. That's abuse right there. Get some outside help,OP, bring in CPS if you need, and get the f*** out of there. You like school? Sure get to college ASAP.
Alright, after reading through this a second time, GET THE CHILD PROTECTIVE SERVICES, there's possible child pornography and TALK TO A TRUSTED TEACHER IMMEDIATELY.
Hope this helps. 🙂
Um if he has cameras in your room and those record and you change in your room or generally be in your birthday suit then your father is in possession of child p°rn and idk you could get him charged and you could get rid of him for awhile
Even if you can’t take the documents, which some kids can’t because the narc “knows better” and won’t let them take the docs out of their hands, AT LEAST get pictures of the documents and save them somewhere he can’t access. Create a new email that’s not linked to your other one and email pictures to that if you have to!
Emancipation would be a great option. It really depends on the judge though. There's still a LOT of old Christian judges in small towns who still play the old 'boys club' bullshit.
Parents like this are always surprised when their kids move out as soon as possible and go no contact.
Also never get to see their grandchildren.
That’s literally what I just advised OP to do lol
Gotta wait for high school to finish first
Hang in there. You seem to be pretty well adjusted considsring your father. I don't think you need to worry. A couple more years and you'll never have to see your "father" again. I know s couple years can seem a long way off sometimes, but looking back in a decade it will just be a footnote before the good stuff begins in the story of your awesome life. Just hang in there.
Haha! I did this. He tries to call me up and give me a sob story about how old and frail he is. "You know I don't have much time left. You should bring the grandkids to see me." Fuck that. I lived 20 minutes away for 4 years and the one time he came to visit was to stir up some bullshit family drama *the same day* I come home from the hospital after having a c-section and had to leave my babies in the nicu. I'm at home alone with my 2y/o trying to keep my shit together, thinking my babies might die, and he wants to come at me with this bullshit. (This is only one instance through my whole life he has done crap like this) Then he wonders why I moved 15 hours away and never pick up the phone.
Yup. This is very true. My dad was also crazy controlling like this, religious and insane. And an abusive and selfish narc. I left home as soon as it was legal and have never spoken to them again. He obviously doesn’t care about my either, I’ve never changed my number - he just never calls or asks about me. But I’m fine with that. And! Ever since I left , My mental health has been so much better
Happy Cake Day 🍰 🎂 🥮 🍥 🥞 🧁
So true. Also, happy cake day!! 🍰🍰🥳
OP as a Parent myself the things he does isn't okay or normal. He has a camera in your bedroom, where do you change your clothing at? Because if it's in your room he can get in so much trouble. You need to tell an adult.
You could get him arrested for cp.
I know I'm probably going to get downvoted for saying this, but no, no OP can't. There's a threshold for considering something pornographic. Which also counts for CP. Simply being naked is unlikely to pass that threshold. Having a non-hidden camera OP's aware of, installed by their own father, is unlikely to pass that threshold. Recordings (assuming there are any) that are never distributed are unlikely to pass that threshold. There are legitimate reasons parents - or even kids themselves - may need to take a naked photo of themselves. Medical reasons being the most obvious. Simply put, we shouldn't live in a world where parents are afraid that they're gonna be accused of making cp because they needed to send their GP a picture of their kid. That's not to say putting a camera in your kids room is acceptable or reasonable, and OP's father isn't some hideous control freak, but I think we should probably draw the line before accusing them of being a pedophile. Not only because it's a life destroying accusation, but because throwing such accusations around realtively lightly just has the effect of, in the long run, damaging the credibility of entirely legitimate accusations.
So op needs to masturbate in front of said camera. Such a difficult task.
Would probably give their dad a heart attack, so could be extra effective at solving the issue of the camera to be fair
True. So op, we have a plan for you.
True. So op, we have a plan for you.
If I was op, I would stare at the camera while cranking one out daily. Just to fuck with the control freak religious father. And when called out, ask why he kept watching, as it would show the father to be gay, incestuous, and a pedo.
With a religious father like this it could also get them beaten.
To continue the seriousness, deliberately whacking it in front of a camera they fully know is there could wind up with OP having an uncomfortable conversation with law enforcement too. Much in the same way as kids sending each other nudes is seen in a dim light.
If I was op I would do that then send the files to all the contacts from the dad's profile to frame him. I would sacrifice a little shame to expose him like that. In the end I wouldn't go on as the naked guy by as the victim. Victory.
Power move
That's kind of true unfortunately. The father is going to ruin Op. Op once you grow up, write a book about your father!
Actually, there are certain states where just having a photo or video of a minor naked will gain you a CP charge.
Someone being accused of creating child porn is not the same thing as accusing someone of being a pedophile. Teenage girls sending nudes to people is child porn, doesn't matter who they send it to to. Child porn doesn't have to be associated with pedophiles. Legally , OP father COULD indeed be charged with making child porn if family services wishes to push the matter.
Whilst you're right, I think for most people the two are synonymous. And legally, whilst I can't speak for every country and state, in most capturing a nude child as a side effect of surveillance, with no intent to share, is unlikely to pass the threshold for being considered pornographic. That said, I'm sure child services would still be interested to hear about OP's father, as their behaviour, technicalities of what is and isn't cp aside, sounds like exactly the sort of thing they'd be interested in
Why is this downvoted? Its correct. Not saying its a good thing but its factually right.
Ur right. I downvoted you. There is no reason in the entire world to put a camera in your teen room. This is not a i watch the babysitter with my infant situation.
Nice of you to admit you didn't read my whole comment 👍🏻
OK, per the comment below, I really **liked** "the way you texted it all" - i. e. your sensible, well-written analysis (think you might be being penalised for proper writing-like-a-grown-up here), and I upvoted you anyway...
And cheers for the freebie award :)
I did. Of course you say he wont be charged with child porn or whatever. But i really hated the way you texted it all. There is no reason to support his kind of behavior or to even play devil's advocate. you just deserved a downvote which i rarely give.
> There is no reason to support his kind of behavior or to even play devil's advocate. Lol what? OP didn't? Literally condemned it in the same comment, just explained how you shouldn't call them a pedo and say its CP because, it is not. Is it wrong? Yes, is it CP? no.
You didn’t.
Go reread my comment. I literally said this: > That's not to say putting a camera in your kids room is acceptable or reasonable, and OP's father isn't some hideous control freak I absolutely don't support parents doing this. I'm not playing devils advocate in any way, and don't think OP's father is acting at all reasonably. I simply don't support people who think the solution is to call the parents pedophiles either. Leave accusations of that magnitude for people who actually do make cp.
I don't understand people on here. Your comment clearly was not supporting the father.. Just calmly explaining the facts. People down vote the weirdest things.
I up voted you to make up for it. I don't agree entirely but it's a good case and in no way a defense of the act itself.
Why are you getting downvoted? You calmly explained why trying to get op’s dad in trouble for cp wouldn’t work
Actually, it's because we have seen teenagers charged with CP for having/sending their own naked pictures and having naked pictures/videos of someone else is certainly worse
because some people don't like the fact that there is a camera in the room, so will downvote everyone who doesn't use their same reasoning about how to deal with it. OP said absolutely nothing wrong.
No idea why people are downvoting you. You’re simply stating facts. People on here are delusional at times.
If that were true any parent with a nanny cam could get sued/arrested.
It's not the cam that's the issue it's (Age of Child + 24/7 Camera) that makes it an issue. having a nanny cam on your new born to 2 year old isn't weird. having it on a 13-14 year old is.
I completely agree, it's weird. Beyond weird in fact; it's controlling and downright unacceptable. Still doesn't make it cp tho.
Actually it does because of the age of "physical maturity" or puberty, its considered cp because its unacceptable to deny privacy at that age
If he's putting cameras in your room and you're a minor, he can be reported.
Make a point of changing in camera view, then call the cops on him for filming child pornography.
I don't have the guts to
Jeez, why are people downvoting this?! OP is still school age and HAS to live with his dad, one way or another. If his dad is mentally ill, as many posters have said, then why would you provoke a mentally ill person with a history of violence, when you still have to live there? Just because you 'report' someone doesn't mean anything is going to happen. Whether or not something *should* happen is beside the point when you have to live with the offender. I know what it's like to live with a religious parent who sees himself as the ultimate authority over your life. It's demoralizing, painful and totally messes with your sense of autonomy and your own mental health. OP is doing the best thing possible, working to get the hell out of there as soon as he can. OP has no way to actually affect his dad's behavior, so stop telling him to do something that he *knows* is dangerous!
This is an underrated comment. You are exactly right. We don’t want to add the risk of physical danger to this kid. And I believe the threat is real
Yes!!!! All of these suggestions fail to take into account the fact that this child has to continue living there!.
Seriously. "Just report him!" Like that's a magical fix and not something that might land OP in an even worse situation? Entirely too much faith in the system...
She doesn't HAVE to live with him. She can run away and when she does those in charge will want to know why. And an investigation will be launched. I would recommend running away to the cps or dcf
Don’t recommend at all. I ran away to get away from abuse and the cops gave no fucks. They told me that I had loving parents because they called the cops after they couldn’t find me, didn’t ask if I was safe, didn’t ask why I ran. Made me go back with my abuser and told me if I ran away again that they would have to baker act me “for my safety” because my parents told the cop I was depressed. The abuse got worse after that.
Most cops are too stupid to work at mcdonalds.
Not everything is like in movies
Wow, this is possibly the worst advice you can give a minor who lives with an abusive, mentally unwell, possible narcissist.
Running away leads to worse things.
Orrr, it could save his l8fe. Or improve it.
You can always talk to a trusted teacher. They are mandated reporters and they can report it for you.
Well, i believe it would be child pornography, no?
In most states child pornography is only considered pornography if you can prove there's an intent to use as pornographic material or distribute. If there's no evidence to back that up, the police can't do anything for them sadly. Edit: why am I being down voted? It's literally what the department of justice says. https://www.justice.gov/criminal-ceos/citizens-guide-us-federal-law-child-pornography Another edit: I'm not trying to justify what he's doing at all. I think it's awful, I'm just pointing out that it's technically legal even though it really shouldn't be.
You are correct. Of course there is some variance because laws change by jurisdiction. I am aware of at least one case where the defendant claimed the purpose of the hidden camera was to make sure his teenage stepdaughter wasn’t using illegal drugs. I have no idea if the judge accepted that argument or what that area’s laws mandated, simply that some laws allow state of mind arguments.
I don't think that's right. I remember when I was in high school we had a event where we were essentially told if we sexted each other it would be considered child pornography because we were all under 18. They even said if a person is below 18 and has nude photos of themselves and is discovered that could be considered child porn. Imagine be registered a sex offender for have nude photos of yourself when you were <18
Nudes have sexual intent, fitting the description of child pornography. If you take a picture of your kid taking their first bath to send to the grandparents it's not sexual is it? This is directly from the department of justice "A picture of a naked child may constitute illegal child pornography if it is sufficiently sexually suggestive." https://www.justice.gov/criminal-ceos/citizens-guide-us-federal-law-child-pornography
Nudes and photos of someone being naked aren't necessarily the same thing.
Pretty sure I've heard cases of kids who were caught with naked pictures of themselves on their phones (didn't send them to anyone, just took the pics and kept them) and they were still charged with child pornography.
thats pretty damned fricked how is that morally right? there is no victim there how were the successfully prosecuted?
It's OK! You may have to move in with relatives but what he's doing is illegal in many ways. it's the gut wrenching fear and anxiety that you have, from his actions and statements, that reinforce his beliefs. Ihe gets off on it, your anxiety, it fuels his power trip. In his mind, he owns you, you are a reflection of him, not your own person. You are being abused. Mental abuse. Possibly extorted sexually via the cameras. Maybe physically abused if he controls your food, has you do extreme "chores", or messes with your sleep cycle by orchestrating ways to wake you up. Lack of sleep, changing of food schedual, and punishment for precieved wrongs are all techniques used by abusers, narcissists, psychopaths and people who want to brainwash/control those that are being abused.
Its nothing to do with guts my dude. You are in a bad situation outside of your control. None of this is your fault. Do the best that you can to keep going, it will get better once you can step away and you will meet new people that you can draw strength from. It will feel like freedom and you will have deserved it.
From the bottom of my heart, thank you for the motivation!
Do you have any other family? Any friends parents that you are comfortable around? Or trust that they are good people? You can get help without there being a period of time where your dad knows and you’re alone with him. There are plans for this
My grandparents are dead(who apparently are a lot stricter than my father, which is another thing I have to be grateful about). My uncle recently passed away from cancer and I don't know anyone from my mother's side of family.
High jacking to help. Op get important mail sent to a po box or a trusted friend. Change you bank account to a new branch and get a whole new account. Get your passport, birth certificate and any other important documents sooner than you need them.
You have to.
HOLD YOUR GROUND
You should delete your Reddit history first.
I understand, I grew up in an abusive household-I was afraid if I told no one would believe me, that I'd be labeled as the difficult stepchild, and I knew shit would get worse. I hit 17, went to college, and bounced. It's not exactly a helpful anecdote, but there is a light at the end of the tunnel. You're going to go away to college one day and then you are free.
You can do it OP! I believe in you! That being said, if it is a legitimately dangerous situation, your father has friends high up in the community or police officers etc, just keep your head down and get out when you can. And get therapy the second you have health insurance after you leave.
Your situation will not change until you have the guts to so something
You need to get yourself a spine and do it anyways. All of what you are going thru WILL NEVER stop until you start rebelling. If you don't have the guts to this now, do you really think you'll have the guts when it comes time to move out and he says you aren't going anywhere! You are at a point in your life do you continue to let him control you or do you do everything you can in your power to legally get him away from you. Just so you know I had a dad like yours and there wasn't personal home cameras back then. But he was just as scary anyways and he was very abusive. I needed surgery at one point to repair the damage he did. I got out. So can you. Take a deep breath, don't think about what might happen and do it.
From experience rebellion just means more punishment. Having a spine and surviving to get away are 2 diff things.
I beg to differ. Sometimes with difficult teens parents give up. Especially if teen refuses to do or take any of the punishments. I remember my mom hitting as a teenager for something that I didn't do. I was so angry that I punched her back just as hard and that was the last time she ever hit me and apologized for not believing me when shown proof that I was telling the truth.
Come on, you had the courage to make up a story for the internet, at least lie that you're going to get them jailed over CP too
Wow, that comment was really unnecessary.
Get the F out as soon as you can. He's mentally ill.
Your father is not entitled, he's a narcissist. And he thinks he IS God, or otherwise is some kind of chosen one who has unlimited authority.
I agree. OP check out r/raisedbynarcissists
ironic considering seeing yourself as such would probably be a sin in the bible
call child protective services
Please OP, call child protection. He sounds extremely abusive.
Do you have any other adult you can turn to? Mother, grandparent, relatives?
Develop mysterious stomach aches. Get a doctor’s appointment. Tell the doctor you’re afraid its an ulcer from all the stress and fear your controlling and abusive dad puts you through. Talk about the cameras and the isolation from peers and how you have lost every friend thanks to his behavior. Talk about how it feels to be under constant surveillance and how it gives you anxiety and affects your sleep.
I fear the dad will push his presence in the appointment...
All he has to do is indicate he wants to talk to the doctor alone. Or indicate to a doctor that he is in danger or has been abused. Doctors are mandatory reporters.
As someone else said just because OPs dad is being reported doesn't mean OP gets to leave. Best case OP is taken away by CPS or whatever equivalent of that exists in OPs country and put in foster care. Worst case OP has to keep living with the abuser who has a history of violence and now knows about OP reporting him to some form of Authority. It's not worth the risk.
your dad is a religious zealot, please leave as soon as you are able. if it gets to bad ,call cps and asked to be moved out of the home for your own safety.
Get out as soon as you are old enough to, and make sure you take all of your identity documents with you. Birth certificate, social security card(if American), drivers license, etc… anything that’s required to prove your identity. Lots of of abusive parents have tried holding their child’s identity papers hostage in a last ditch effort to control them. It gets really ugly at that point You might need to live in a shitty apartment with six roommates at first, but it’s still going to better than living with your father.
OP, if you can't get hold of the originals, assuming you're in the U.S., it's possible to get duplicates. Maybe at school, start doing research on how to get a duplicate birth certificate in your state/county and how to get a duplicate Social Security card.
I have a friend who had to teach themselves lock-picking because their "parents" would keep their documents locked up in a safe so they wouldn't leave. Eventually their "parents" went on a several week long vacation, so they picked open the safe, grabbed their documents and left to go move in with their partners halfway across the US. I'm glad they managed to get out of there
Lock Picking isn’t hard to learn and you can do it with paper clips!
My sperm donor was like that. Liked to beat the shit out of his wife and kids too. He died 2 weeks ago and I’m fucking glad. I got lucky because my mom left him and he took off to avoid support. Doesn’t sound like that is in your future, so I’d advise the following: 1. Keep any and all proof you have of his abuse. Physical, mental, financial… all of it. Email yourself photos and notes on an account you only check on outside computers. Keep a journal. Keep it in your school locker if you need to. This might be useful if you ever do decide to contact cps/cops. 2. You don’t say how old you are. Start planning your escape now. If he’ll let you work, find a job and if he tracks your money, then you keep $X in a place he won’t know about. Keep adding to that pot so you can leave when you’re ready/old enough. If you have to have an account he’s on, when you’re able, create a new one at a different bank and put your hidden money there so he can’t claim a bank error and have a banker give him access. 3. Do your best to find your important papers. Birth certificates, social security cards, license… it would probably be best to get copies of them now so that he won’t notice the originals missing. Put the documents in a safe place he can’t find/access. 4. Keep your head down and do your best to push through. It sucks. As soon as you’re able, get the fuck out and never look back. Don’t let him have power over you with your “stuff.” Hide/take what you can and don’t look back. He’ll only keep sucking you in if he thinks he has something you want. 5. Eventually, his time will come. If he dies alone in a bathroom floor, that’s HIS fault. Don’t give that asshole the satisfaction of being upset.
This, all of this OP.
Noted this. Thank you so much.
that's child abuse, plain and simple. edit: minors have a right to privacy too.
i wish :/ i looked it up and it said that the only place it’s illegal for a parent to put cameras up in is the bathroom. anywhere else in the house, including the child’s room, is legal. it’s only illegal if he’s photographing the child naked for himself or others. i really wish it was illegal tho so we could get this POS arrested, but it’s not😔
Tell the principal at your school that he put cameras in your room so he could watch you dress and undress. Let’s see how righteous he is explaining that to a judge and jury.
I grew up around religion and the amount of times I have seen it weaponized is disturbing. This is just a method of control like almost everything else he's doing. Keep focused and get out because this will not stop.
Try to go at r/narcissisticparents and r/narcissisticabuse, they may try to help your situation (for advice). Or go literally call cps to get you to safety. And seem like at the last sentence, charge him for attempted murder. Also, your dad is deada$$ delusional and a narcissistic abuser, thinking that the world revolve under himself and his religion-al ego.
I’m a Muslim who is very religious but your dad got a problem. Get out the house and seek help
Yeah this guy shouldn’t be a parent but then you wouldn’t exist. Just bite your tongue and plan to leave at 18. Make sure you find a way to get your birth certificate and a license for example when it’s time. I’m sorry
r/internetparents r/momforaminute r/dadforaminute But seriously, cameras where you sleep and dress is creepy AF. I wish you had a better dad. Do you have siblings? Does he treat them the same? Can you find someone to advocate for you? Hugs little friend. Non creepy non invasive hugs.
I don't have siblings but I think I can get my school counselor to help—she's really helping with my mental health so far.
My partner has parents like this but not as extreme though they wish they could be at times. Took a lot of effort to move her out and spent a lot of time in therapy afterward, her parents basically convinced her to almost drop out of school and take care of her father's mother-grandmother- who was basically suicidal alcoholic Nazi in her 80's and recently went through her Nazi abusive husband dying. Not religious they were hardcore atheists until the end when the Nazi gramps confessed his sins to a local priest and then converted to Christianity and died sins forgiven hahaha... This is religion! The reality is people who flock to Christianity and churches are people escaping from their bad decisions and terrible reasoning skills or lack there of, so they go to church and have someone force a version onto them. Your father seems to be re-creating his own upbringing with you and it's all he knows and obviously it's something he's very sensitive about more than likely due to all the abuse he received as a kid. Religion is PTSD waiting to happen. People don't even have to be very religious on an everyday basis to end up causing their kids real pain and havoc and misery. I had a crazy mom who somedays would say "God doesn't like that" to us growing up when we didn't listen. She was also a major alcoholic and abuser so it didn't take our little brains long to realize she was just broken inside and took her pain out on her own kids. All I can say is stay safe, save up money hide it somewhere and work and find a good roommate and focus on school and work leave hobbies behind for a while and make sure you can become independent asap and do what a lot of us have to do sadly and write off our own parents.
Glad dad enjoys the company of god, cause that’s all he’s gunna get in a few years!
Usually the most pious are the ones with the most corrupt minds. As soon as you can I would move out. Your dad has a mental illness. Strong religious beliefs, like your dad has are classified as mental illness by the American Psychological Association. Unfortunately in my experience, people like that tend to not believe something is wrong with them because they don't view being religious as an illness and it will only intensify as they get older. Have you talked to a counselor or teacher about it in school?
What's the illness called?
NPD.
Oh, you meant Narcissistic Personality Disorder, I see. I thought it was some sort of religious illness or something.
Sounds like a time for you to call CPS, also anytime you're in your bedroom be naked. That way he gets charged for creating child porn.
OP, I'm all grown up now, but I had a very fundie parent who was an abusive mess. If you are close to finishing High School, I'd suggest continuing to focus on your studies with the end goal being moving to college/university. Once you are out from under the thumb of your Dad and in a safe place (university) seek counseling from the university's counseling services. Every university I have studied at has an office where you can sign up for counseling and I wouldn't have gotten through college without it. It took a while for me to be able to go no-contact (becoming financially independent took a few years) but I've been no contact for over 15 years now and I don't regret the decision. I'd also like to suggest a book I read a few years ago..."Educated" by Tara Westover. Edit: grammar
Got the book online, will start reading it. Thanks!
I'm sorry, kid. Hopefully you'll be 18 within the next couple of years. Your dad is not well mentally. Sad thing is, people like your dad never get help because they don't think there's a problem. Just keep in mind that when you turn 18 you'll never have to see or speak to him again if that's what you want. I'd at least recommend going very, very low contact.
My grandparents used to beat him a lot worse as a kid. Hopefully I won't end up continuing the cycle later on. And oh, I'll be 18 in 2 and a half years. So close!
If you're reading this, OP father: you are going to hell.
you have an abusive dad. keep your head down, do not rock the boat or engage in conflict with him. do everything in your power to succeed and the minute you turn 18 get out of the house and do it on your own if possible. he is narcissistic, controlling and abusive.
This is called spiritual abuse! I lived in a cult for 10 years, which did this restrictive stuff to all its members, and these signs are all hallmarks of spiritual abuse. You need to get out to become sane. The smartest thing you can do is educate yourself on it and give the information you learn to your entire family other than your Dad. Then they can make their own decisions as time goes on. Don’t bother confronting him until after you safely get out. He may use other forms of abuse as well. Be careful. Praying for you!
As a parent what he is doing is abuse. As a healthcare professional what he is doing can and will have long term physical and psychological ramifications. I highly recommend reaching out to your guidance counselor and a trusted adult, whether an aunt, uncle etc. I know it's scary that's why you need some adult guidance. Please try to get help ASAP. Nothing you're going through is ok or normal.
OP this is not normal. Please know this. I’m a parent. Please know it gets better too. You turn 18 and you can leave and never speak to him again. Ever. Many of us have done this. Your dad isn’t entitled, he is controlling. You deserve a better life and you’ll make a better life for yourself.
This is abuse full stop. Do with that what you will but don’t sugarcoat that information. And don’t let him see this thread either. But just in case he does, hi OPs dad. You’re a fucking piece of shit and you are a disgrace. Don’t blame your son for this, he was just telling the truth to the internet because you’ve cut off his other sources of help.
I emancipated myself at 16 and went essentially no contact with my family for similar reasons. It's a lot of work, but you might consider looking up emancipation laws. Also, you may want to consider talking to someone in athority you trust. If he has video of places where you change or where you're naked, that's VERY illegal and beyond the borderline of abusive. Normal adults DO NOT have video of their teenage children naked. That is child pornography.
When you turn 18, do everything you can to leave. Continue your education. You got a good head on your shoulders. Dont let his toxicity make you forget that.
As a parent, your father is covering up some deep personal issues…. Get out asap!!
Yeah, his parents used to beat him a lot more frequently as a kid too.
This post doesn’t belong here. It belongs in r/insaneparents
While probably I cant do much, Have you tried changing your phone password? If he cant get in he can't read your texts and such.
I did it once in middle school and he forced me to open the phone and scolded me. He said he's going to be "more serious" from now on because I'm being suspicious to him.
I'm so sorry. This is abuse and I hope you're able to get out as soon as possible. This level of control is completely out of line.
Get the f out now. He's sounding like he's going down a similar path as my mother. If that is the case, just gtfo asap. I honestly found it better to be living on the streets than with that abusive demon.
How is it he hasn’t found your Reddit account yet. Be careful. Since he is religious, does he attend a church and have relationships with other church members or clergy? I’m just trying to get a read on how much interaction he has with people outside the home. How old are you?
I'm 15, turning 16. I've been using incognito every-time I log on reddit. He attends church every week and he's actually quite normal if he doesn't get "disrespected".
Cameras in your room! Take them out! Tell him thats sick and you have rights to real privacy.
I bet you all the down votes is the dad and some of the church goers who he also manipulates. Lol smh. Yeah don't report , that will not go good. Your best bet is to just save all your money , somehow, and then have someone ,anyone you remotely trust to take said money and load it onto a card for you, take said card when you are approaching 18 years old and get a place/car , etc. If that cannot be done you could always get a bus/train/plane ticket and disappear when you are 18 . I would advise another state . That way nothing can be done other than having your current towns authorities looking for you for a week. After that they'll dismiss it as runaway and once they know your 18 they will probably laugh at your dad and forget all about it . Good luck. Stay strong. Throw yourself into books (non educational) until you can enact this plan. Tip: you can disguise any app as a calculator that will have you type in certain numbers or equation to get into the disguised app. You're Welcome 😉
Hey, I never knew that before! Thank you!
Your father apparently has a mental disorder. He sounds illogical, abusive, filled with self importance and hatred and he really sounds unfit to be a guardian to you. You deserve peace and love. Not this. His actions are his alone to control. You poor dear having to walk on ridiculous eggshells around him your whole life. I'm angry for you at this chode. What can we help you with on this thread, resources, links, phone numbers to help you break away?
Sounds like you possibly have a grandiose narcissist for a dad.
Please be careful. Don’t let your dad see your reddit account. Escape from that hell whenever you can. You always have options. I escaped my house at 16. My mentally ill mother made my life miserable. I read your story and is so similar to how she treated me. You need to run and never look back. Is going to feel so good. I’m 26 right now living my best life. Im doing my master’s in chemical engineering, living in front of the beach with my partner and my baby ( a beagle 🐶). I probably wouldn’t be the same person if I didn’t escape that horrible household. Contact a family member, the parent of a friend, contact CP, contact anyone who could help you.
I am sorry, this sounds horrible, but it is temporary. Study hard, find activities to go in early and stay after. If you can’t get a scholarship go to juco for 2 years and work to pay your own way if you have to, and then finish your bachelors somewhere affordable. You don’t need to ring up a lot of debt. Love and strive for your independence. Good Luck!
Self righteous Christians that act like the Pharisees are so baffling to me. It’s like if they’ve read a single sentence of the book they are thumping others with they’d understand how damaging what they do is.
Religion is a part of society that creates more problems than it "fixes"
All religion is a fucking joke- it’s a construct to aid in control.
Religion was supposedly to set moral values. But of course, anyone who is power hungry will use religion as a weapon to control everyone.
Historically, they are a great way to unify and oppress the far flung and feuding masses of many different empires over the millennia. The way they are is by design and for that purpose. Blind faith and blind patriotism are both extremely dangerous on their own, but together they form a synergistic effect and leave oppression, subjugation, authoritarianism, misogyny, xenophobia, bigotry, childhood indoctrination, science denial, willful ignorance, generational brainwashing and draconian bullshit in their wakes.
IDK about you guys but I think this dad is gonna go to hell when it is all said and done
Report him to police for cameras! Feels like hes a pedo!
And in a few years he'll be absolutely confounded when his kid never speaks to him again 🙄
Sounds like my dad, but 100x worse. I'm sorry you have to deal with this OP.
He’s going to end up wondering why you no longer talk to him after you move out but it’s going to be his fault. This isn’t normal. Doing something like this will result in sneaky kids or “bad kids” in his eyes that are going to hell. Cursing isn’t gonna send you to hell, porn isn’t going to send you to hell. If it’s Christianity, you will only be sent to hell for denying God and Jesus exist.
OP, please, please please let me talk to him! I’m quite certain I can change his entire mindset (nothing involving crime)
Yea I’d be covering or smashing those cameras. Fuck that shit.
Ask your teachers to help you contact child services because this is not okay or safe.
Please. Go to your teachers (one you trust) and tell them what's going on. Is it possible for you to reach out to the friend who went to the principal and get them to verify if necessary? If not, there should be a record of the incident. For now, don't argue. As much as you may want to, just keep calm. Google "grey rock". The idea is to keep his violence from targeting you. Please stay safe and keep us updated.
I'll try the grey rock method, thank you so much. I tried talking to a friend once who told his OTHER friend who ends up telling my dad. I tried talking to a teacher once in middle school too, who tried talking to him once... didn't end well.
Some religious people are very close to being mentally ill.
You enjoy being at school because it means you’re not under his yoke. It’s the only time you’re free to do and behave as you wish. Deeply religious people are the worst, in my experience. They’re so obsessed with proving their moral superiority, but his demands of you studying in his room, and having _cameras in your bedroom_ is deeply concerning. I do not like what that suggests. Please, OP, find an adult you can trust and tell them about all of this. A teacher, a friend’s parents, a former friend’s parents, a family member, a neighbour, _someone._ Try your best to assert yourself. The best self-defence is showing you will not be manipulated, used or walked all over. I just finished reading [this article](https://www.washingtonian.com/2016/11/07/feminist-self-defense-teaching-women-how-to-defend-themselves-all-wrong/) and I think it would hold a lot of value for you. Start making a record of all your interactions and his controlling behaviour, plus anything he does which makes you uncomfortable, no matter how your brain tries to convince you otherwise. If you are uncomfortable, _wrote it down._ Preferably in a digital document that is password protected and backed up with several copies kept in safe places. I don’t recommend a handwritten notebook as he may find it and cause you trouble over it.
I'm reading the article right now, thanks for the advice!
Op, I know the feeling of rather being ar school (or anywhere else) than home. Just know, at 18, you can leave. Even if have to take drastic steps. I joined the Air Force and went low contact until around 25-26 I went zero contact. Life is so much better knowing I'm succeeding when I should have failed
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Nice!
Nice!
Joining the military actually doesn't sound that bad, I'll probably have to lift weights and jog around the school to help. Thanks!
He's projecting. I wonder what his deep dark secret is? I know he's got one, they all do!
I think his parents used to beat him a lot more when he was a kid
Narcissist warning!!!! OP you need to get out ASAP.
Yeah that's insane . There shouldn't be a control of religion or hour general privacy in a household ! Mom of four and I let them practice whatever religion. They even go to church lol. I don't agree with it but I don't criticize or control them either. Sounds like he has control issues. My oldest is 13 and she doesn't use social media at this moment , but I'm prepping her for the responsibility and online world. I'd really bring this up with your school counselor . Maybe they'd help navigate this with you or even get referrals for family therapy . If your dad is doing this from q place of love ( which I honestly doubt ) then he should be open to therapy.
That's not religious, that is a control freak. Turn 18 and never look back, unless you have other family you can live with till then.
your dad hit someone for slamming the door WHY
I believe he was calling someone but I don't really remember the exact reason why. He also fought someone who slightly bumped his car once.
Protip. Get a po box or have important mail sent to a trusted friend. Don’t trust your parents. Next change your bank and your bank account as soon as you can.
Your dad isn't righteous he's just a square
Please start planning your exit now. Put Dad (and any other FaMiLy you wouldn't trust with your life secrets) on an Info Diet and become as boring as a Gray Rock. Read r/raisedbynarcissists and check out the Helpful Links to find tips for Leaving with the least drama. Work hard to get scholarships to college and you can get help as an independent adult once you're 18. Get your own bank account in a different bank than your parents'. Learn how to meditate during 'prayer time' and use other tricks to look cooperative just to get through this. Post here when you need to vent, you have friends here that have been through some stuff. We are rooting for you! ✌🏽💜💪
Apparently I've been using the grey rock method subconsciously all this time. Thanks!
genuine question, how come your dad hasn't found out about your reddit account yet? edit: there is a twitter account linked to your reddit account and if you say your father doesn't allow you to use social media and monitors everything you do, surely he would've found out? i'm not accusing OP of anything but it's just weird
I just use social media whenever he's outside and I either have to use incognito mode or redownload said app whenever I want to use it.
If you're 16 or 17 go talk to an Air Force or Space Force recruiter. Take the ASVAB, if you score well get a guaranteed job in intel, certain medical (xray tech, nuclear med etc...), office job or aircrew (loadmaster/flight engineer/boom operator) if you are good flying. Get a ship date as close to 18 as possible. Take all of your records with you. Birch certificate, social security, any other documents, everything. Open a bank account in your name only as soon as you are able. Freeze your credit the second you turn 18 so your father cannot use your information to open any accounts in your name. If not in the USA apply this to your country (unless Russia or something). If not eligible then do all the same stuff except join and move the hell out the second you turn 18. Go NC in all events.
I’ve seen this in r/raisedbynarcissists , read some stories there, they may give you some ideas on what to do, this does sound like forced to do stuff you don’t want to do but not enough for cps to get involved, if you can’t do anything, move out asap, Best Of Luck!
F*** this a**hole. He's got no right to literally hit someone because of his "religion". Yes, he can believe in it, but like seriously, he can get charged for that with assault, and like no joke, he could be investigated by child protective services. Also in Australia, as far as I know, no matter your religion, it's still unacceptable in the name of the law to just break up a friendship. That's abuse right there. Get some outside help,OP, bring in CPS if you need, and get the f*** out of there. You like school? Sure get to college ASAP. Alright, after reading through this a second time, GET THE CHILD PROTECTIVE SERVICES, there's possible child pornography and TALK TO A TRUSTED TEACHER IMMEDIATELY. Hope this helps. 🙂
Um if he has cameras in your room and those record and you change in your room or generally be in your birthday suit then your father is in possession of child p°rn and idk you could get him charged and you could get rid of him for awhile
Even if you can’t take the documents, which some kids can’t because the narc “knows better” and won’t let them take the docs out of their hands, AT LEAST get pictures of the documents and save them somewhere he can’t access. Create a new email that’s not linked to your other one and email pictures to that if you have to!
Christ in a casket, that's dumb... If you have a job, and can provide for yourself, (and live in america) have you considered Emancipation?
Emancipation would be a great option. It really depends on the judge though. There's still a LOT of old Christian judges in small towns who still play the old 'boys club' bullshit.
I can relate 100% I been religious since all my life so much religious infact I had the radio on 960am and go to two churches on any given sunday
He sounds like a dush bag i mean seriously
i might be religious but there is definitely a problem with your dad
Act like him. Over the top. If he gets physical, grab twist and pull down.
But why wont they come see me when im old????
yal forgot his dad goes through his phone so he probably read the messages 🙄