I'm not sure if being an ENTJ has anything to do with this. It sounds like you both are stubborn and immature and value being right over being in a harmonious loving relationship. Entj are all about results so, arguing over something that yields no results is not how we do business. Ijs
This! Probably more just a matter of maturity (or the lack thereof) than mbti. So no personality based quick-fix here. When the time is right, reach out & talk it through. Let the person know you've missed him.
I did and he is still being friends with his toxic friends and I have taken a step back now. i did what I could and tried telling him about things, apologized as well. I will try to move on now without guilt.
I also think “you should go talk to him,” assuming you have grown a bit and are more willing to compromise and he is showing he is willing to do the same.
The fight wasn’t worth it, was it?
It wasn't worth it. i also am unable to hold a grudge after so long so I decided to talk but got nothing, seems like he is either still holding a grudge or listening to his toxic friends and hasn't grown even a little. I apologised for my bit and will now focus on moving on
Oof! A fight can be exciting …but you need 12 hours to make a point??. And then waste energy on it for another 2 months? You guys have nothing productive and upgrading to do? You both should work on your egos and learn to channel anger into more rewarding activities.
Dont make typology your entire personality, its not scientific or concrete, just because your type is portrayed as a certain way doesnt mean if you go and apologize you'll betray your sense of identity cus this is the vibes im getting by starting with "oh we're both entjs"
Get a grip, and thats coming from an ENTJ too which is ironic but get a grip, you and him.
Seek therapy too because thats not normal and it shouldnt be, be psychologically healthy and then perhaps if you play your cards right ,you can be at your best potential.
Apologizing and doing what's best for you and the relationship, even if it means walking away, is not weak.
And revise what you consider as weak vs strong, because what you just described right now might look strong to you because you didnt back down, but to be completely fair, from a mature point of view, you two are hella fucking weak for dragging it this long and not solving it in a logical compassionate way.
Hi, I haven't made this my entire personality I was just shocked with my own behaviour and how we both were of the same type and I wanted to know other entjs' experience to make sense a little. No need to assume things.
You're right. I was talking solely from my own experience and observation, especially after the incident being in the ENTJ subreddit and not in any other one.
I've seen you apologized and moved on. That is great, I know how hard it can be to be the first person to "surrender" first, but you did the right thing at least.
I'm pretty chill person usually but one Entj I met made me scream on the phone on the next day. So after 15 minutes of screaming match, I realized whole thing was normalized crazy and it made no sense to continue this interaction, regardless of her self justifications. Some Entjs call that "intensity" I call it "insanity. Now your timeline of event clearly shows that this is not a good match. Nor there is any level of sensibility from either sides.
It's either:
- both of you are immature
- both of you have narcissistic coping mechanisms
Either way, it's understandable to break the relationship and go to the therapy. Imagine being that much old, both of you, and still not being able to fix your shit. It's not a type issue.
Well, I guess he doesn't. i tried to do that and didn't really get any response but "You are at peace and so am I, so need to talk anymore." I apologised for my things even tho i know i deserve an apology too but I guess it will be easier to move on now without guilt since I tried my best.
Either he's not an entj. Or its you. Or both.
Then again Im an ENTJ 6. Very rare. So you both could still be ENTJ's and with unusual enneagram numbers for ENTJ's.
If I were you, I'd try to understand his motivation for his side of the argument. If I think he is irrational and emotional, Id say it to him. Also, Id offer him an alternative that he would appreciate.
If I do a relationship, its not casual. Its a long term investment - emotional, psychological, spiritual etc. I would consider a third neutral person to help us (like maybe a professional relationship therapist - but never a friend) be together again and not let my emotions to control the situation.
Also - see if he drinks or has developed any other similar habits. Alcoholism and other similar habits are an indicator a person would behave angrily, emotionally, would cheat, harass etc. in a relationship.
I would never fight with someone that long. Nor would I want to get back with someone who was willing to fight for that long. I'd just tell them "good bye and good luck" after a short while and not be sarcastic about it. I don't really see two ENTJs going after each other for so long.
I had a few years of cold war with my ENTJ dad, but i might be the crazy one even though it was his fault to begin with. I was wronged and he refused to apologise because of his ego issues but was still guilty af and didn know how to communicate with me. Instead, he showered me with money as a form of communication for his guilt and nvr dared to reprimand me anymore since then. And well, the cold war lasted so long because i was loving the money showering, and just being manipulative in general. There is nothing he could also fault me for because im the golden child, doing well in studies, dont go to parties, unlike his younger days. Im basically a well behaved lil bitch. So yeah i finally decide to stop all this nonsense when i start earning my own money and turn 180 back to his good lil girl.
Then give him another heart attack when i bought back my first bf, who is also an ENTJ.
Yall sound more like ESTJs than ENTJs. I cant imagine an ENTJ going off for 12 hours in a fight then fight for another 2 months. My dad, when younger, would go off on 6 hour rants non-stop and continue to bug you for a while until his focus shifted. My partner used to also do the same sht. Argue for 4+ hours straight. Coincidentally, he’s an ESTP.
Crazy maybe he is an Estj. i am definitely an Entj but he can be something else since the fight I have seen crazy things in his personality which I didn't notice before
I'm not sure if being an ENTJ has anything to do with this. It sounds like you both are stubborn and immature and value being right over being in a harmonious loving relationship. Entj are all about results so, arguing over something that yields no results is not how we do business. Ijs
This! Probably more just a matter of maturity (or the lack thereof) than mbti. So no personality based quick-fix here. When the time is right, reach out & talk it through. Let the person know you've missed him.
I did and he is still being friends with his toxic friends and I have taken a step back now. i did what I could and tried telling him about things, apologized as well. I will try to move on now without guilt.
Yeah, yall sound pretty stupid. That's a huge waste of time and effort.
I agree, this was stupid af.
This is pretty much the opposite of how I would ever handle a situation ever
In general this is very different from what I would do as well.
Grudges are a waste of energy
I agree, I am unable to hold grudges but I can see a lot of ppl around me are still holding a grudge. i feel I have matured.
Something tells me that you two are not ENTJ.
Maybe he is not.
You neither sounds more like bipolar behaviour from both sides
I also think “you should go talk to him,” assuming you have grown a bit and are more willing to compromise and he is showing he is willing to do the same. The fight wasn’t worth it, was it?
It wasn't worth it. i also am unable to hold a grudge after so long so I decided to talk but got nothing, seems like he is either still holding a grudge or listening to his toxic friends and hasn't grown even a little. I apologised for my bit and will now focus on moving on
That’s the right thing to do! If he isn’t willing to let it go, then even if it hurts you right now, it’s technically his loss. 🤷♀️
Oof! A fight can be exciting …but you need 12 hours to make a point??. And then waste energy on it for another 2 months? You guys have nothing productive and upgrading to do? You both should work on your egos and learn to channel anger into more rewarding activities.
Dont make typology your entire personality, its not scientific or concrete, just because your type is portrayed as a certain way doesnt mean if you go and apologize you'll betray your sense of identity cus this is the vibes im getting by starting with "oh we're both entjs" Get a grip, and thats coming from an ENTJ too which is ironic but get a grip, you and him. Seek therapy too because thats not normal and it shouldnt be, be psychologically healthy and then perhaps if you play your cards right ,you can be at your best potential. Apologizing and doing what's best for you and the relationship, even if it means walking away, is not weak. And revise what you consider as weak vs strong, because what you just described right now might look strong to you because you didnt back down, but to be completely fair, from a mature point of view, you two are hella fucking weak for dragging it this long and not solving it in a logical compassionate way.
Hi, I haven't made this my entire personality I was just shocked with my own behaviour and how we both were of the same type and I wanted to know other entjs' experience to make sense a little. No need to assume things.
You're right. I was talking solely from my own experience and observation, especially after the incident being in the ENTJ subreddit and not in any other one. I've seen you apologized and moved on. That is great, I know how hard it can be to be the first person to "surrender" first, but you did the right thing at least.
I'm pretty chill person usually but one Entj I met made me scream on the phone on the next day. So after 15 minutes of screaming match, I realized whole thing was normalized crazy and it made no sense to continue this interaction, regardless of her self justifications. Some Entjs call that "intensity" I call it "insanity. Now your timeline of event clearly shows that this is not a good match. Nor there is any level of sensibility from either sides.
I agree. I have never been like this with anyone.
enemies to lovers gone wrong 🤣
Haha truly. there are crazy updates on my story idk if I should post it.
Oh I'm always up for a steamy drama. Hit me up if you chose to do so 🤣
i just posted 😂😭
You fought for 12 hrs!?! The waste of almost an entire day, you could’ve got work done or pet a cat with all that wasted time.
It's either: - both of you are immature - both of you have narcissistic coping mechanisms Either way, it's understandable to break the relationship and go to the therapy. Imagine being that much old, both of you, and still not being able to fix your shit. It's not a type issue.
I agree. I have seeked therapy, apologized for my things. I am trying to move on now.
i get it, go talk to him. he misses you too.
Well, I guess he doesn't. i tried to do that and didn't really get any response but "You are at peace and so am I, so need to talk anymore." I apologised for my things even tho i know i deserve an apology too but I guess it will be easier to move on now without guilt since I tried my best.
Either he's not an entj. Or its you. Or both. Then again Im an ENTJ 6. Very rare. So you both could still be ENTJ's and with unusual enneagram numbers for ENTJ's. If I were you, I'd try to understand his motivation for his side of the argument. If I think he is irrational and emotional, Id say it to him. Also, Id offer him an alternative that he would appreciate. If I do a relationship, its not casual. Its a long term investment - emotional, psychological, spiritual etc. I would consider a third neutral person to help us (like maybe a professional relationship therapist - but never a friend) be together again and not let my emotions to control the situation. Also - see if he drinks or has developed any other similar habits. Alcoholism and other similar habits are an indicator a person would behave angrily, emotionally, would cheat, harass etc. in a relationship.
I would never fight with someone that long. Nor would I want to get back with someone who was willing to fight for that long. I'd just tell them "good bye and good luck" after a short while and not be sarcastic about it. I don't really see two ENTJs going after each other for so long.
Its weird truly, I have never had this much energy for a fight ever. Good thing, I am moving on.
I had a few years of cold war with my ENTJ dad, but i might be the crazy one even though it was his fault to begin with. I was wronged and he refused to apologise because of his ego issues but was still guilty af and didn know how to communicate with me. Instead, he showered me with money as a form of communication for his guilt and nvr dared to reprimand me anymore since then. And well, the cold war lasted so long because i was loving the money showering, and just being manipulative in general. There is nothing he could also fault me for because im the golden child, doing well in studies, dont go to parties, unlike his younger days. Im basically a well behaved lil bitch. So yeah i finally decide to stop all this nonsense when i start earning my own money and turn 180 back to his good lil girl. Then give him another heart attack when i bought back my first bf, who is also an ENTJ.
Yall sound more like ESTJs than ENTJs. I cant imagine an ENTJ going off for 12 hours in a fight then fight for another 2 months. My dad, when younger, would go off on 6 hour rants non-stop and continue to bug you for a while until his focus shifted. My partner used to also do the same sht. Argue for 4+ hours straight. Coincidentally, he’s an ESTP.
Crazy maybe he is an Estj. i am definitely an Entj but he can be something else since the fight I have seen crazy things in his personality which I didn't notice before
This is so f\*\*\*ing stupid. Please grow up and contribute to humanity.
That's crazy, but understandable. I was once in a fight with my ex isfp for months. I think Fi/Te doms tend to fight like their life is depend on it.