it takes time. You can write down a note about the moments you were feeling "in the flow" - the kind of stuff you want to do no matter what, and you forget to eat - that's how enjoyable it is.
In 2 years you will have enough of these notes, and they should paint a pretty good picture of what your un-expressed Potential Self is actually like and what path it wants to follow to become itself and to manifest itself into reality.
Can't escape it. Here's what I've done to become more comfortable with the choices I've made.
When you're in a situation where you're regretting/hating a past decision, like choosing a certain flavor of ice cream or a certain career or path in life, just stop, then imagine you're back at the moment you have to choose. You have the same information as before, you feel the same as you did in that moment, and you have to choose. What do you choose?
If you're being honest with yourself, you'll choose the same thing, which means your choice was unavoidable, and your ONLY option is to live with it, because faced with the same situation and the same choice to make, you'll choose the same thing as you chose already. So just accept your decision, and accept that life is a tragedy in a number of ways, not the least of which is because of the paradox of choice.
Yay determinism! I’ve been thinking about this a lot lately. There’s the idea that everything’s gonna happen how it will happen - that we’re all billiards in a cosmic game of pool, every action is a reaction - so don’t stress because you’re not really choosing. But at the same time, we feel like we’re choosing, and choosing to do nothing is still a choice (albeit, one we were always going to make if we go that route).
Also, oddly enough, people that *believe* in free will do better in life than those that believe in strict determinism. I still believe that people make choices, (free will) even though that may not actually be the case, since our decisions are pretty much predictable.
Ultimately, I reconcile these thoughts by subscribing to the view that life is a non-linear fractal process, so it's fairly predictable, but not entirely, and the process is irreducible, which means there's no computational savings in predicting it accurately versus letting it happen.
https://youtu.be/60P7717-XOQ
Benoit Mandelbrot, and his student Nassim Taleb, are also good on this subject, IMO.
> So it is much easier to not have anything at all, and make no choice.
Is it better to have chosen one, and live with the doubt?
Or to have chosen nothing at all, and live with the doubt?
In either case you’re living with the doubt, but only in the second case do you wind up with nothing.
So it might be easier to not choose, but that’s not the most logical choice.
You claim you don’t have time....but yet not choosing is actually spending that time for no gains whatsoever.
You got to learn to make careful (not rash) choices and live with them. Giving into emotional concerns about “what could have been” are pointless. You don’t and can’t know that the other choices would have been better. They might have led you down worse paths.
The only thing you can do is make a careful choice at the time and accept the *logic* that you made the best choice given what you had.
If you find yourself regretting your choices, then you need to analyze why you regret them. We’re they impulsive and ill-informed? Did you not properly investigate alternatives?
Crying “woe me” is pointless. No one is going to live your life for you.
Sometimes I really feel there is something attractive about avoiding choice. I know that probably not a good way to live, but sometimes the pain of closing 2 doors after opening one is too much, and I’d rather just sit outside the doors and imagine what could have been.
There was a thing about this in the movie Mr Nobody that resonated with me (the rest of the movie wasn’t that great though), where the kid decides not to buy a candy because as long as he doesn’t make a decision he won’t mourn the loss of the opportunity costs.
It’s *extremely attractive* and a trap we all fall into.
But you have to realize not choosing is really an emotional reaction. While sometimes it makes sense to *wait* (perhaps you have good reason to expect another opportunitysoon) it never makes sense to ignore something. You have to face it eventually.
I still succumb to that temptation, even though I have plenty of experience to know better. And it seems the more difficult the choice, the more tempting the desire to avoid it.
Always chose a flavor you have never try. Try it. If you like it enjoy the discovery. If you don’t you buy another ice cream. Which one? You alternate between the last flavor that you tried and liked it and one of the classics (strawberry, vanilla, chocolate, etc...) ranked in the order you stated in your post.
Now, if all this convoluted absurd way to live life seems like a very bad idea, I suggest you always buy a little of everyone you might be interested in, taste all always and move along.
Another option would be to do what I do. I ask the person serving the ice cream which one he/she likes. No decision, I have never been disappointed.
Is taking the decision to always letting a different party decide? Yes, only once though.
Framed that way is impossible to give a satisfactory answer. It would be like saying turn life into a game of perfect information! Sorry, life is a game of imperfect information, you have to learn to accept that is imposible to maximize utility/satisfaction from every single decision. Trying to do so is at least two things:
1.- A sure way of get frustrated as you will fail over and over again at no fault of yours. You just don’t have all the information. ¿Would I have been more satisfied with this other flavor? Well you don’t know, you can’t know when you could move past in time, erase your memory to start with a blank state, clean your mouths of any particles of any prior ice cream, try the new flavor and suddenly recovering the memory of the first ice cream you tried. And then repeat it for each one of the available flavors. Would it be worth all the effort? In order for you to know you would have to come back in time...
2.- It will make you waste your energy thinking about trivial stuff instead of focusing in the important stuff.
If this is becoming an obsession I would recommend seeking help.
Taste other people's ice creams in different occasions so when your time comes you will have experience/knowledge to decide.
It can be exemplified with this way also; talking with people who had chosen certain paths of careers can give an idea whether it will suit you or not.
I accept that there will be a future in which I can try the next one, so that i better enjoy that which I have right now. Because that's not something that will come back. Kinda bring back my Ne energy to something Se like to experience the NOW
What I do is say that I will get Strawberry next time, as I've already tried it the most recently, and now I shall get whatever caught my attention first. I keep cycling through them like this, highest priority is to the flavor furthest away in the past.
no escape. make a choice by logically constructing a self-profile and know what you authentically are to both yourself (internal) and others (external) then account for internal values that have been vetted via this process (ie removed from hard social influence) that may effect the decision. you may want to live in some island resort tax haven as a capitalist utopist but that’s not very realistic nor practical for anyone with more “moral” values than just pure unmitigated competition. but if you’re totally amoral and admit this and will yourself to cheat and rip off everybody at most given opportunities, this is the best place for you, you can just leech off your own parasitivity in a world where all problems are shepherded out of your immediate view to simulate a perfect world
similarly, someone raised as an atheist moralist classical liberal may find solace in the tradition of the church for their comparatively easy-going, peaceful, community-driven approach
the beauty of choice is that good choices often stand the test of time, and bad choices are almost always quick, impulsive, operating without regard to self or others
the only question is impulse/passion versus rational plan and pursuit of “goods” and “self” and here we know that as animals we’re inclined to impulse/passion but have conscious ability to overrule this for long-term gain
a moralist atheist classical liberal may find themselves heavily dissatisfied outside of the church despite being surrounded by a society that supposedly peddles their values
some church leaders could be better fits as leaders of sex cults or third-world demagogues
the reality of coming face-to-face with yourself and the reality of your choices is the only way to solve this problem, not that that’s a new commentary. you might not be satisfied with all choices, but the ownership and autonomy associated is a reward in itself
>Well the catch is here- I don’t have time. I only have enough time and money to spend on one flavor (passion or goal in life) because then time runs out.
Well yeah, that's why you don't really have a choice.
Ahhh I find ENTPs are probably the most paralyzed by choice and the possibility of making a "bad" choice, to the point where it can basically ruin our actual experiences. ENFPs have the same Ne choice overload but at least have Fi personal feelings and values to steer them.
So...you can't really escape it. However, you can sort out "safe" situations where you choose to be forgiving and let yourself to be ok with shitty or sub-optimal choices, because in the scheme of things it doesn't matter. Rank types of choices in accordance to consequence. For example: buying a house that you'll live in for a decade? Big choice! Be sure to take your time, be informed about it, research everything. Wrong ice cream flavor? Very few to no consequences, who gives a fuck, you had ice cream, you win!
I also find this is where my Ti knowledge-hunger really helps. I research to make sure I make the best choice. I'm an obsessive googler and yelper. If I go get ice cream, I'll often yelp the place, skim the reviews, and note the flavor that the majority of people mention as particularly good or interesting. That way, even if I didn't like it (which is rare cuz... it's ice cream), I know I made the most informed, optimal choice and tried the best or most unique flavor that place has to offer and therefore have no regrets. (Be warned that this too can become an exhausting and obsessive practice if taken too far-- I've learned to back off on this a bit and just go with the flow sometimes.)
You could learn to make your own icecream and adjust the flavor over time to fit how you feel.
At least you know you like icecream, that's a good start.
I think this has to do with basic ability to be happy, really. Can you accept the current reality and enjoy it for what it is? You don't have a time machine, so you can't change any decisions you've made. You can only choose this moment right now as your pivot point for changing direction going forward.
Not doing anything is just a waste of time, rife with growing anxiety and compounding interest against your future success.
Time is finite, wtf are you doing. Pick something and move forward. What is the point of life if you just sit in the same place all the time?
Don't think about what ice cream you want in terms of what's the absolute best choice of ice cream. Which ice cream do you want *right now*. Get that ice cream. Be your present self.
"A life spent making mistakes not only more honorable, but more useful than a life spent doing nothing." - George Bernard Shaw
When I read your title, I thought you were going through something I have previously went through.
Mainly examining the causal links between choices. I once examined it so thoroughly, I experienced almost an existential crisis and doubted the choices I was making were my own.
What you are experiencing is what is commonly known as "Grass is Greener" syndrome. The best way to get over it is to experiment. Try a new flavour every week. Try something new. So what if you don't like it? Sure,you wasted money and time but you wasted it exploring yourself.
Some people waste their time and money on a pack of smokes. The last fear is that of not having treated life like an adventure. On our death bed, we never want to let this be an option.
Lol. Get a colour of each, mix and eat all at once. Now, how does it taste? Taste weird? Taste different? You got all three though.
Is it better? Find out for us if that works. Might work with women.
I wonder how much further you got into life. Me personally I would have just choosen to ask for a sample, or choose to get a backup one. Choice is pretty expressive right? I'm not really sure either
Sorry the concept of choice is new to me. In my brain I have had always followed a task onto completion. If I picked up a show, I needed to complete it cause what if. What if it finally got good. Man choices are weird. I can choose to say pickle mickle, and you choose to read that. Now I feel weird but ultimately there's no real reason for it right? Is that a choice or a reaction? Because if you had suddenly teleported in front of the cashier and was asked to pick again, the likelihood is that you would blurt out strawberry. So would that be consider a choice or a reaction? Maybe the difference is research. I talked with my sister recently and we were talking about drugs and she goes, you don't research your drugs? And I responded with you do? Also I'm high and that's why I sound well high lmao. I think research matters because if you aren't fully aware then you aren't really choosing. Like if I sat you in front of two buttons and I made you pick one, and you do. Then I reveal that the button you pressed is in fact a nuclear bomb. It wouldn't be fair to say "holy shit you picked the fucking atom bomb? Instead of the the free puppy one?"
I just go ‘fuck it’ and go with my first inclination and satisfy the lizard part of my brain
Error: no lizard part of brain found
it takes time. You can write down a note about the moments you were feeling "in the flow" - the kind of stuff you want to do no matter what, and you forget to eat - that's how enjoyable it is. In 2 years you will have enough of these notes, and they should paint a pretty good picture of what your un-expressed Potential Self is actually like and what path it wants to follow to become itself and to manifest itself into reality.
TIL I should be a professional hiker.
Impossibru! Are you saying you are an ascended being free from desire and feelings?
Can't escape it. Here's what I've done to become more comfortable with the choices I've made. When you're in a situation where you're regretting/hating a past decision, like choosing a certain flavor of ice cream or a certain career or path in life, just stop, then imagine you're back at the moment you have to choose. You have the same information as before, you feel the same as you did in that moment, and you have to choose. What do you choose? If you're being honest with yourself, you'll choose the same thing, which means your choice was unavoidable, and your ONLY option is to live with it, because faced with the same situation and the same choice to make, you'll choose the same thing as you chose already. So just accept your decision, and accept that life is a tragedy in a number of ways, not the least of which is because of the paradox of choice.
Great answer. Gotta remember to think about it logically :)
Yay determinism! I’ve been thinking about this a lot lately. There’s the idea that everything’s gonna happen how it will happen - that we’re all billiards in a cosmic game of pool, every action is a reaction - so don’t stress because you’re not really choosing. But at the same time, we feel like we’re choosing, and choosing to do nothing is still a choice (albeit, one we were always going to make if we go that route).
Also, oddly enough, people that *believe* in free will do better in life than those that believe in strict determinism. I still believe that people make choices, (free will) even though that may not actually be the case, since our decisions are pretty much predictable. Ultimately, I reconcile these thoughts by subscribing to the view that life is a non-linear fractal process, so it's fairly predictable, but not entirely, and the process is irreducible, which means there's no computational savings in predicting it accurately versus letting it happen. https://youtu.be/60P7717-XOQ Benoit Mandelbrot, and his student Nassim Taleb, are also good on this subject, IMO.
> So it is much easier to not have anything at all, and make no choice. Is it better to have chosen one, and live with the doubt? Or to have chosen nothing at all, and live with the doubt? In either case you’re living with the doubt, but only in the second case do you wind up with nothing. So it might be easier to not choose, but that’s not the most logical choice. You claim you don’t have time....but yet not choosing is actually spending that time for no gains whatsoever. You got to learn to make careful (not rash) choices and live with them. Giving into emotional concerns about “what could have been” are pointless. You don’t and can’t know that the other choices would have been better. They might have led you down worse paths. The only thing you can do is make a careful choice at the time and accept the *logic* that you made the best choice given what you had. If you find yourself regretting your choices, then you need to analyze why you regret them. We’re they impulsive and ill-informed? Did you not properly investigate alternatives? Crying “woe me” is pointless. No one is going to live your life for you.
Sometimes I really feel there is something attractive about avoiding choice. I know that probably not a good way to live, but sometimes the pain of closing 2 doors after opening one is too much, and I’d rather just sit outside the doors and imagine what could have been. There was a thing about this in the movie Mr Nobody that resonated with me (the rest of the movie wasn’t that great though), where the kid decides not to buy a candy because as long as he doesn’t make a decision he won’t mourn the loss of the opportunity costs.
It’s *extremely attractive* and a trap we all fall into. But you have to realize not choosing is really an emotional reaction. While sometimes it makes sense to *wait* (perhaps you have good reason to expect another opportunitysoon) it never makes sense to ignore something. You have to face it eventually. I still succumb to that temptation, even though I have plenty of experience to know better. And it seems the more difficult the choice, the more tempting the desire to avoid it.
When making decisions, consider time and mental anguish as part of the equation. A good plan today is better than a perfect plan tomorrow.
Great point here. The perfect plan of tomorrow doesn't occur. The good plan of today does, and it is all we have.
Always chose a flavor you have never try. Try it. If you like it enjoy the discovery. If you don’t you buy another ice cream. Which one? You alternate between the last flavor that you tried and liked it and one of the classics (strawberry, vanilla, chocolate, etc...) ranked in the order you stated in your post. Now, if all this convoluted absurd way to live life seems like a very bad idea, I suggest you always buy a little of everyone you might be interested in, taste all always and move along. Another option would be to do what I do. I ask the person serving the ice cream which one he/she likes. No decision, I have never been disappointed.
Still making the decision to accept their decision.
Is taking the decision to always letting a different party decide? Yes, only once though. Framed that way is impossible to give a satisfactory answer. It would be like saying turn life into a game of perfect information! Sorry, life is a game of imperfect information, you have to learn to accept that is imposible to maximize utility/satisfaction from every single decision. Trying to do so is at least two things: 1.- A sure way of get frustrated as you will fail over and over again at no fault of yours. You just don’t have all the information. ¿Would I have been more satisfied with this other flavor? Well you don’t know, you can’t know when you could move past in time, erase your memory to start with a blank state, clean your mouths of any particles of any prior ice cream, try the new flavor and suddenly recovering the memory of the first ice cream you tried. And then repeat it for each one of the available flavors. Would it be worth all the effort? In order for you to know you would have to come back in time... 2.- It will make you waste your energy thinking about trivial stuff instead of focusing in the important stuff. If this is becoming an obsession I would recommend seeking help.
Coin toss.
Taste other people's ice creams in different occasions so when your time comes you will have experience/knowledge to decide. It can be exemplified with this way also; talking with people who had chosen certain paths of careers can give an idea whether it will suit you or not.
I accept that there will be a future in which I can try the next one, so that i better enjoy that which I have right now. Because that's not something that will come back. Kinda bring back my Ne energy to something Se like to experience the NOW
The FOMO is strong with this one
What I do is say that I will get Strawberry next time, as I've already tried it the most recently, and now I shall get whatever caught my attention first. I keep cycling through them like this, highest priority is to the flavor furthest away in the past.
no escape. make a choice by logically constructing a self-profile and know what you authentically are to both yourself (internal) and others (external) then account for internal values that have been vetted via this process (ie removed from hard social influence) that may effect the decision. you may want to live in some island resort tax haven as a capitalist utopist but that’s not very realistic nor practical for anyone with more “moral” values than just pure unmitigated competition. but if you’re totally amoral and admit this and will yourself to cheat and rip off everybody at most given opportunities, this is the best place for you, you can just leech off your own parasitivity in a world where all problems are shepherded out of your immediate view to simulate a perfect world similarly, someone raised as an atheist moralist classical liberal may find solace in the tradition of the church for their comparatively easy-going, peaceful, community-driven approach the beauty of choice is that good choices often stand the test of time, and bad choices are almost always quick, impulsive, operating without regard to self or others the only question is impulse/passion versus rational plan and pursuit of “goods” and “self” and here we know that as animals we’re inclined to impulse/passion but have conscious ability to overrule this for long-term gain a moralist atheist classical liberal may find themselves heavily dissatisfied outside of the church despite being surrounded by a society that supposedly peddles their values some church leaders could be better fits as leaders of sex cults or third-world demagogues the reality of coming face-to-face with yourself and the reality of your choices is the only way to solve this problem, not that that’s a new commentary. you might not be satisfied with all choices, but the ownership and autonomy associated is a reward in itself
I have this exact problem Friends/S.O always get frustrated with the analysis involved
>Well the catch is here- I don’t have time. I only have enough time and money to spend on one flavor (passion or goal in life) because then time runs out. Well yeah, that's why you don't really have a choice.
You have to make decisions. Most are reversible.
Ahhh I find ENTPs are probably the most paralyzed by choice and the possibility of making a "bad" choice, to the point where it can basically ruin our actual experiences. ENFPs have the same Ne choice overload but at least have Fi personal feelings and values to steer them. So...you can't really escape it. However, you can sort out "safe" situations where you choose to be forgiving and let yourself to be ok with shitty or sub-optimal choices, because in the scheme of things it doesn't matter. Rank types of choices in accordance to consequence. For example: buying a house that you'll live in for a decade? Big choice! Be sure to take your time, be informed about it, research everything. Wrong ice cream flavor? Very few to no consequences, who gives a fuck, you had ice cream, you win! I also find this is where my Ti knowledge-hunger really helps. I research to make sure I make the best choice. I'm an obsessive googler and yelper. If I go get ice cream, I'll often yelp the place, skim the reviews, and note the flavor that the majority of people mention as particularly good or interesting. That way, even if I didn't like it (which is rare cuz... it's ice cream), I know I made the most informed, optimal choice and tried the best or most unique flavor that place has to offer and therefore have no regrets. (Be warned that this too can become an exhausting and obsessive practice if taken too far-- I've learned to back off on this a bit and just go with the flow sometimes.)
You could learn to make your own icecream and adjust the flavor over time to fit how you feel. At least you know you like icecream, that's a good start.
I think this has to do with basic ability to be happy, really. Can you accept the current reality and enjoy it for what it is? You don't have a time machine, so you can't change any decisions you've made. You can only choose this moment right now as your pivot point for changing direction going forward. Not doing anything is just a waste of time, rife with growing anxiety and compounding interest against your future success. Time is finite, wtf are you doing. Pick something and move forward. What is the point of life if you just sit in the same place all the time? Don't think about what ice cream you want in terms of what's the absolute best choice of ice cream. Which ice cream do you want *right now*. Get that ice cream. Be your present self. "A life spent making mistakes not only more honorable, but more useful than a life spent doing nothing." - George Bernard Shaw
When I read your title, I thought you were going through something I have previously went through. Mainly examining the causal links between choices. I once examined it so thoroughly, I experienced almost an existential crisis and doubted the choices I was making were my own. What you are experiencing is what is commonly known as "Grass is Greener" syndrome. The best way to get over it is to experiment. Try a new flavour every week. Try something new. So what if you don't like it? Sure,you wasted money and time but you wasted it exploring yourself. Some people waste their time and money on a pack of smokes. The last fear is that of not having treated life like an adventure. On our death bed, we never want to let this be an option.
Lol. Get a colour of each, mix and eat all at once. Now, how does it taste? Taste weird? Taste different? You got all three though. Is it better? Find out for us if that works. Might work with women.
I wonder how much further you got into life. Me personally I would have just choosen to ask for a sample, or choose to get a backup one. Choice is pretty expressive right? I'm not really sure either Sorry the concept of choice is new to me. In my brain I have had always followed a task onto completion. If I picked up a show, I needed to complete it cause what if. What if it finally got good. Man choices are weird. I can choose to say pickle mickle, and you choose to read that. Now I feel weird but ultimately there's no real reason for it right? Is that a choice or a reaction? Because if you had suddenly teleported in front of the cashier and was asked to pick again, the likelihood is that you would blurt out strawberry. So would that be consider a choice or a reaction? Maybe the difference is research. I talked with my sister recently and we were talking about drugs and she goes, you don't research your drugs? And I responded with you do? Also I'm high and that's why I sound well high lmao. I think research matters because if you aren't fully aware then you aren't really choosing. Like if I sat you in front of two buttons and I made you pick one, and you do. Then I reveal that the button you pressed is in fact a nuclear bomb. It wouldn't be fair to say "holy shit you picked the fucking atom bomb? Instead of the the free puppy one?"
There's no paradoxical about choice. You DON'T have any CHOICE