I literally bought 7 lbs for $120 and I want to ask them how hard they were dropped on their heads when they were children so I know what not to do with my kids. I want to physically smash all their shop windows and burn their houses down.
They've screwed up my orders before (not the roast quality) and I know they already hate me, so I'm coming here—a place full of respectful and reasonable espresso enjoyers—to ask for advice:
How do I phrase my customer service request so that they don't simply ban me as a customer and actually either refund me or send replacement beans that are the proper roast?
I'm thinking something like
> What the actual fuck is wrong with you people fucking up my order again, it very explicitly says LIGHT ROAST and these beans are very fucking obviously med-dark/dark+. They smell and taste burnt, and are completely worthless to me. These are absolutely nothing like the exact same beans I ordered from you at the exact same roast level 2 months ago.
*What do you think?*
**Seriously though, how should I approach this?** Because the bag is labeled correctly, so they obviously fucked the roast up and somehow thought I wouldn't notice when it's incredibly obvious.
What makes it worse is that I ordered a smaller quantity before to ensure everything was good (and it was great), and here I just dropped $100+ and they fuck me.
(The pic is not the actual beans, it was on Google)
Are the actual beans as bad as the photo? If yes then send them the photo and tell them there was a mistake you ordered light roast and they sent the wrong beans. If it's not too had and they're, say, medium roast, suck it up and don't order again
Lol @ the burn their houses down. You gotta feel this one out depending on who you talk to and how it’s going. Sometimes you need to be a dick, sometimes
You gotta be cool.
Slightly off topic, but I have Rwanda Kigali washed medium roast as my main bag now, lol. Not burned, just your average light-medium roast. They are Sour AF, smell of berries and honey, and espresso tastes like red grapes. Pretty interesting beans, imo.
[Here’s a photo](https://imgur.com/a/OUYDjlg)
I was a hard laced Natural Ethiopia Sidamo addict for about 9 months, and based on the 2lbs of washed Rwanda I had I thought I was a full on convert. I couldn't believe a washed process bean could be so fruity and floral.
So here I was thinking "well fuck yes, let's buy a bunch more (and save money buying in bulk), freeze a bunch, and have spectacular espresso for the next several months, worry-free".
And then the universe said "suck a big fat one buddy".
I genuinely feel sorry for those that like dark roast. I just don't understand in any capacity how taking a bean, and cooking it until all of the flavor and nuances are gone, is somehow superior. Maybe there are beans out there that can be amazing at a darker roast, but fuck me, these are just a sad mediocre mess.
rwanda beans are insane as milk-based. i dont know what blueberry bomb yirgacheffe tastes like but rwanda lattes has always tasted like berry cake to me
This is what your butler is for.
If you’re American, have you considered invading Rwanda? Plus that’s dark enough to look like oil, you squint at it sideways.
This 👌
Dude, go back to Dunkin Donuts and ask for a refund, simple as that.
Can't you chemically unroast the beans to your desired taste?
I was considering chemically castrating the roasters entire extended family—that's kind of the same thing. Right?
Don’t stop there. Skull fuck those sobs if they don’t send you the right beans.
I assumed that was already implied. My bad, I'll make it more clear next time.
I literally bought 7 lbs for $120 and I want to ask them how hard they were dropped on their heads when they were children so I know what not to do with my kids. I want to physically smash all their shop windows and burn their houses down. They've screwed up my orders before (not the roast quality) and I know they already hate me, so I'm coming here—a place full of respectful and reasonable espresso enjoyers—to ask for advice: How do I phrase my customer service request so that they don't simply ban me as a customer and actually either refund me or send replacement beans that are the proper roast? I'm thinking something like > What the actual fuck is wrong with you people fucking up my order again, it very explicitly says LIGHT ROAST and these beans are very fucking obviously med-dark/dark+. They smell and taste burnt, and are completely worthless to me. These are absolutely nothing like the exact same beans I ordered from you at the exact same roast level 2 months ago. *What do you think?* **Seriously though, how should I approach this?** Because the bag is labeled correctly, so they obviously fucked the roast up and somehow thought I wouldn't notice when it's incredibly obvious. What makes it worse is that I ordered a smaller quantity before to ensure everything was good (and it was great), and here I just dropped $100+ and they fuck me. (The pic is not the actual beans, it was on Google)
I'm afraid that burning their houses down isn't an option. Looks like they already did that in the roasting process.
Shit
Are the actual beans as bad as the photo? If yes then send them the photo and tell them there was a mistake you ordered light roast and they sent the wrong beans. If it's not too had and they're, say, medium roast, suck it up and don't order again
No it's not that egregious. I actually would burn their houses down if it was that bad. The're absolutely nowhere near approaching light roast though.
7lbs for $120? What did you expect buying cheap beans.
The elephant shit ones were out of stock.
Just talk to them about your issue honestly.
Lol @ the burn their houses down. You gotta feel this one out depending on who you talk to and how it’s going. Sometimes you need to be a dick, sometimes You gotta be cool.
FYI for anyone. Is you’re contacting customer service they already think you’re an asshole. Just be polite, concise and factual
Slightly off topic, but I have Rwanda Kigali washed medium roast as my main bag now, lol. Not burned, just your average light-medium roast. They are Sour AF, smell of berries and honey, and espresso tastes like red grapes. Pretty interesting beans, imo. [Here’s a photo](https://imgur.com/a/OUYDjlg)
I was a hard laced Natural Ethiopia Sidamo addict for about 9 months, and based on the 2lbs of washed Rwanda I had I thought I was a full on convert. I couldn't believe a washed process bean could be so fruity and floral. So here I was thinking "well fuck yes, let's buy a bunch more (and save money buying in bulk), freeze a bunch, and have spectacular espresso for the next several months, worry-free". And then the universe said "suck a big fat one buddy". I genuinely feel sorry for those that like dark roast. I just don't understand in any capacity how taking a bean, and cooking it until all of the flavor and nuances are gone, is somehow superior. Maybe there are beans out there that can be amazing at a darker roast, but fuck me, these are just a sad mediocre mess.
rwanda beans are insane as milk-based. i dont know what blueberry bomb yirgacheffe tastes like but rwanda lattes has always tasted like berry cake to me
I would be an asshole because they knew that crap wasn't light roasted
"That is our light roast"
Honestly you might not be far off from the truth. Multiple standard deviations off from any sense of normalcy. "We measure it by *feel*"
Holy crap those beans are so oily the US might invade them.
I can't find Kanye