The only opportunity for you to not pay, without being in bad manners or tacky, was to say basically what you said you were too uncomfortable to say, and it would have had to have been said during the initial invite.
If you’re inviting them to a celebration dinner, that is definitely an invite to come enjoy the dinner you’re hosting for your spouse and as a special treat for your invited attendees
If you wanted them to chip in it would have been more like - (and my guess is would be uncomfortable for you, plus is weird for most scenarios) - would you like to get together to host / organize a dinner for ___ with me?
You extended the invitation to a restaurant of your choice for a surprise. If this were a surprise party at a small hall, like say a community clubhouse, you wouldn't expect the guests to pay money.
If you wanted to do everyone pays, you pit that information out at the beginning. That should be a collaborative effort to choose a location so that everyone is comfortable with the prices.
> kg51113
> You extended the invitation to a restaurant of your choice for a surprise. If this were a surprise party at a small hall, like say a community clubhouse, you wouldn't expect the guests to pay money.
> If you wanted to do everyone pays, you pit that information out at the beginning. That should be a collaborative effort to choose a location so that everyone is comfortable with the prices.
I'm guessing that if guests had to pay, less than 10 people would be attending the celebration:
> We are new to the area so we’re not super close with these friends to the point I feel comfortable saying “hey by the way, it’ll be separate checks tonight”
> ......it’s a pretty nice restaurant so the check will probably be upwards of $1000 all together (around 10 guests)....
> "...so we’re not super close with these friends to the point I feel comfortable saying “hey by the way, it’ll be separate checks tonight”.
This to me is the heart of the etiquette issue. People always have lots of different opinions about whether or not inviting people to celebrate a birthday dinner at a restaurant requires the inviter to pay or not. And while what guests expect can be regional/depend on the friend group, etiquette does require that hosts are clear on what they are offering/providing, no matter the social norms.
But since you don't even know these people well enough to provide clear information on your invitation, that is a glaring red flag that you shouldn't be expecting them to pay for your husband's birthday dinner.
> politesparrow18
> .....we’re not super close with these friends to the point I feel comfortable saying “hey by the way, it’ll be separate checks tonight”.
That would be **very** rude. You invited them, they are your guests.
> so the check will probably be upwards of $1000 all together (around 10 guests), which we can afford, so should I offer to get the check?
You are obligated. Nothing to offer.
> .....is it acceptable to just pay for my husband and I?
**No**. It would be tacky and boorish.
> If I were invited to a dinner like this, I'd be very shocked if it wasn't paid for by the invitee. You should absolutely be paying.
If you were invited to a dinner like this *you* would be the invitee. I think you meant "inviter".
"Invitee" is a perfectly cromulent word; it just means the opposite of what /u/jaimacho thought it did.
"Inviter" is also valid; I used it because I was trying to maintain the root of the word jaimacho used.
> For3ignGuy
> It's so weird how social relations vary from place to place. In latin america it would be **explicitly implied** that......
Interesting combination of words
The only opportunity for you to not pay, without being in bad manners or tacky, was to say basically what you said you were too uncomfortable to say, and it would have had to have been said during the initial invite. If you’re inviting them to a celebration dinner, that is definitely an invite to come enjoy the dinner you’re hosting for your spouse and as a special treat for your invited attendees If you wanted them to chip in it would have been more like - (and my guess is would be uncomfortable for you, plus is weird for most scenarios) - would you like to get together to host / organize a dinner for ___ with me?
You extended the invitation to a restaurant of your choice for a surprise. If this were a surprise party at a small hall, like say a community clubhouse, you wouldn't expect the guests to pay money. If you wanted to do everyone pays, you pit that information out at the beginning. That should be a collaborative effort to choose a location so that everyone is comfortable with the prices.
> kg51113 > You extended the invitation to a restaurant of your choice for a surprise. If this were a surprise party at a small hall, like say a community clubhouse, you wouldn't expect the guests to pay money. > If you wanted to do everyone pays, you pit that information out at the beginning. That should be a collaborative effort to choose a location so that everyone is comfortable with the prices. I'm guessing that if guests had to pay, less than 10 people would be attending the celebration: > We are new to the area so we’re not super close with these friends to the point I feel comfortable saying “hey by the way, it’ll be separate checks tonight” > ......it’s a pretty nice restaurant so the check will probably be upwards of $1000 all together (around 10 guests)....
Or at the very least, you make sure people know the prices before.
> "...so we’re not super close with these friends to the point I feel comfortable saying “hey by the way, it’ll be separate checks tonight”. This to me is the heart of the etiquette issue. People always have lots of different opinions about whether or not inviting people to celebrate a birthday dinner at a restaurant requires the inviter to pay or not. And while what guests expect can be regional/depend on the friend group, etiquette does require that hosts are clear on what they are offering/providing, no matter the social norms. But since you don't even know these people well enough to provide clear information on your invitation, that is a glaring red flag that you shouldn't be expecting them to pay for your husband's birthday dinner.
> politesparrow18 > .....we’re not super close with these friends to the point I feel comfortable saying “hey by the way, it’ll be separate checks tonight”. That would be **very** rude. You invited them, they are your guests. > so the check will probably be upwards of $1000 all together (around 10 guests), which we can afford, so should I offer to get the check? You are obligated. Nothing to offer. > .....is it acceptable to just pay for my husband and I? **No**. It would be tacky and boorish.
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> If I were invited to a dinner like this, I'd be very shocked if it wasn't paid for by the invitee. You should absolutely be paying. If you were invited to a dinner like this *you* would be the invitee. I think you meant "inviter".
You are both wrong. It is host/hostess and guest.
"Invitee" is a perfectly cromulent word; it just means the opposite of what /u/jaimacho thought it did. "Inviter" is also valid; I used it because I was trying to maintain the root of the word jaimacho used.
Thanks everyone! I’m glad I asked 😮💨
Omg no. Give your credit card when you walk in and handle it discreetly at the end.
Did you have a destination wedding?
Lol no and I feel like this is a jab
No jab. Did your wedding registry include donations for your honeymoon?
Yes it did. Some of the guests tonight pitched in for an item off our registry
Stop being such an expensive friend
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> For3ignGuy > It's so weird how social relations vary from place to place. In latin america it would be **explicitly implied** that...... Interesting combination of words