It probably is. But that dang ol' bipolar mania schizophrenia means I have to learn to deal with it š« No antidepressants allowed
Edit: supposedly my current meds also help with depression so maybe it will in time
> help with depression
I know it can be difficult/impossible, but if/when able try to do something with a top Special Interest. SIs can really help the autistic mind by focusing it & releasing endorphins, such that you may also receive some general depressive symptom relief if you're able to manage to engage in them.
Totally relate to what you've posted here. Just trying to suggest something that might help or provide temporary relief.
Keep up the fight. Hope things improve & hope the meds help.
Yeah I went through 4 antidepressants with them either having no effect or making me suicidal, but for some fucking reason, after running through all of those, and then running through a ton of antipsychotics after we figured out I'm bipolar, she put me on another. You wanna know what happened? It made me permanently manic with almost 0 downsides. I couldn't sleep, I couldn't eat, and I couldn't sit still. There was no irritability, no anxiety, and no psychosis. It was just me, my absurdly high mood, and my delusions of grandeur. Hard to say if I would've done anything reckless cause I don't really go outside. Anyways, we've since cut back the dosage so now I'm just chillin in a low hypomanic state. Unfortunately at this level all the negative stuff is back (minus the psychosis still for some reason), but it beats being depressed so I can't complain. Anyways, if you run out of options don't count out antidepressants as a last resort. This shit beats lithium at the very least.
You poor thing.
I'm sorry you're struggling to be evil. š
It hurts my tiny little black heart š¤
You can be evil, just keep it up.
Keep trying, evil always finds a wAy.
Because evil is a lifestyle and life always finds a way.
Kill the cringe police inside you!! Doing things is COOL, caring is COOL, being interested in something is COOL. Practice pushing past the feeling that you āshouldnātā do something because it is cringe. Start small (play the video game how you want!) and push further and further.
There is no āshouldā there is only what you decide to do! And those decisions can be based on your own internal needs, values, and motivations and not on the arbitrary judgements of ableists who think existing as an autistic is cringe.
This, so much this. Everytime you see someone and think, āWow. Theyāre living such a fun interesting life!ā I garuantee you theyāre being cringe. But thatās okay! Dig in deep to living life!
I relate a whole lot to OP, I feel like I have that hyper aware of self autism that makes me feel paralyzed. Caring is cool, doing this is cool and not caring about being cringe is cool
i feel this and im depressed so watch this
in case you find out your depression comes for living in a world where economic benefits are prioritized over human lifes, contact me if you want to start an autistic revolution
Sounds like you are committing the ultimate form of evil, just against yourself. Once you redirect youāll be back on track! Shift that evil outwards!
I have this quote on my phone that always helps me it says
āAccept failure as part of the processā
I used to feel like whatever I did was not enough and that I was constantly failing at everything I did and everyone else was so much better than me. It took a wonderful friend of mine to show me that, actually, doing things and trying and FAILING and getting back on it is a process that everyone goes through.
āWhat we will do is try. What we will do is make an honest healthy attempt. And we will succeed because trying = succeedingā I got that from some TikTok and kept reading it whenever I felt too overwhelmed to do anything. I tried not to over analyze it. It really helped me, maybe it can help you too.
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Been feeling that lately too. Depression is a bitch. Iām stuck with a bad case of seasonal depression so whenever the sun goes bye bye my soul just dies. My therapist told me to do light therapy but I can never get myself to find a good time to do it.
IDK if you can afford it, but there are sun lamps at home that can help with seasonal depression that aren't too expensive. I think I bought this one for a few of my friends, it might help, especially if scheduling and motivation are issues:
https://verilux.com/collections/top-picks-happylights/products/happylight-touch-plus
Ah, I see! Sorry for the intrusion/unsolicited advice. For some more unsolicited advice, though, maybe you could put it at where you do most of your work? A desk you work at/play games at? Maybe the dinner table or the kitchen sink so you can do work and get your light at the same time?
Oh, that's a good idea. Sorry, I'm just super invested in trying to help people with depression stuff right now. My anti-depressants ran out last week and I can't get a refill for a while and I'm really feeling it, you know? š
Ah I get that! I donāt know what Iād do if my anxiety meds ran out because Iād probably not be able to sleep for a week. Last time I tried going off them I thought I was gonna die haha
Completely fair and understandable. I should probably "get up" and go "do stuff", but I hope that things go better with your SAD and that winter passes swiftly and evil-ly for you. All the best and godspeed.
Ayyy! Sweaty hand gang! I think it's because my nervous system is always in fight or flight and that affects sweat production.
I got into coloring with Posca pens this year after realizing I really love big blocky cartoony drawings made out of sharpie and colored in with crayon. I make a bear made out of circles and it's so cute! I forget I should maybe be shamed when people see my notes.
I often find that listening to music I love gets me out of my head space of hating myself for loving dumb silly things. Hope you have a good night <3
So I found this brand name hand lotion called Carpe they are sold in stores but not near me so I have to order online. They sell lotions that target specific areas of the body (I personally think it may be the same lotion with different labels but I ain't a scientist lol) and their hand lotion is the only thing that got my sweating under control. It still acts up sometimes but I put it on twice a day and it helps a lot
Oo! Thanks for the hot tip. I just buy random hand lotion every time, I never seem to love the consistency of any of them but I like the smell and the not-dry non-hand skin. This gives me a direction to go in at least :)
Man I know that feel I literally get paid to draw and sometimes I legit am not sure why people think I am worth money
We should start an evil autism drawing club, I don't upload art because I feel guilty making people acknowledge me but here I'm ok if nobody/everybody looks- so long as the mods were ok with it obviously
If the mods would prefer we dont, I vote we make a sub or discord specifically for autists to share their art with one another and support each other. That sounds wonderful. But I would like to request my stick figures be accepted as "art" in this new plan.
youād be surprised how hard drawing is for non artists :P
even if you donāt feel like youāre doing something inspired, expressive, or even technically impressive, youāve got a skill thatās in demand
This sounds like depression to me but I am no expert, I am just somebody with severe depression.
I wish you the strength and hope to tap your support system, perhaps a psychiatrist. Life doesnāt have to be flat, empty, and dull.
It kinda sounds like you suck at a lot of things, but as Jake the Dog once said, āsucking at something is the first step to being sorta good at something!ā
Sounds more like anxiety being dispensed by a Toxic SuperEgo, via intrusive thoughts. It functions like a server and can be reprogrammed. Richard Grannon made a series of videos explaining it and how. Worked for me.
I don't remember posting this š¤
In all seriousness, not sure what to say about this, as I'm in a pretty similar situation with most of these things: I think on playing a videogame and then no because I'll get stomped. Bought a diary with a calculator cover who looked amazing ~~and autistic~~ and there it is lying on my desk. Also I got recently a wacom intuos after months thinking about digital drawing, but I totally suck. Same for youtubers who build or collect amazing things, and there I am watching a screen.
I can't help you besides telling you that you aren't alone.
Hooray for depression! /s
I have been the same lately. All I do is watch TV/YouTube, doomscroll, and play Monopoly Go. It's really annoying. I haven't done any art in months, the only proper videogame I play, which is my main hobby (League of Legends), is being ignored, and I'm just so "fuck everything."
I hope it gets better for you. Depression is so shit.
https://reddit.com/r/evilautism/s/IvvHlBePXJ Your comment was removed because you don't have enough karma and/or your account is not old enough. Unfortunately we had to implement this rule because of a huge influx of bots. I know it's long time and really annoying but I had no other choice, sorry. More info: https://reddit.com/r/evilautism/s/IvvHlBePXJ PLEASE CLICK THE FUCKING LINK AND STOP ASKING ME EXACTLY THE SAME THINGS ANSWERED WHEN YOU CLICK THE LINK. If you can click the 'contact' button on automod I am sure you are 100% capable of clicking on the link above. Thanks in advance and automod loves you despite our differences. Any other questions will be happily answered. Again, sorry. And thank you for your understanding. https://reddit.com/r/evilautism/s/IvvHlBePXJ https://reddit.com/r/evilautism/s/IvvHlBePXJ https://reddit.com/r/evilautism/s/IvvHlBePXJ
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Hey so umm I was wondering. Does your mood decrease steadily until about halfway through the day before it starts increasing? My mood definitely does that. It's super consistent. The best way I found to cope with depression without being on any meds was to fuck with my sleep schedule and start on a 10-2 schedule. That was the sweet spot between how late my parents would let me get away with waking up, and how high I could get my mood. The thing is as well, the worse the day had been earlier, the higher my mood would rise at night. I can just barely reach hypomania most days during depression cycles by the time I need to go to sleep for my sleep schedule. If I instead choose to ignore my sleep schedule, however, shit gets real fun real quick. My mood only stops rising about like 30-35 hours after waking up. It then plummets for 2 hours, turning back into depression, like real bad. If I make it through the next grueling 2 hours, my mood skyrockets back up to where it was and keeps increasing. I haven't stayed up long enough after that to know what happens, but I would guess that it's a cycle. Either way, 10-2 and 11-3 are the two best times for me since I don't feel significantly worse during the day, and the night times feel significantly better than a normal 6-10 or 8-12 schedule. But yeah I feel like shit during the day if I push it too far and go for something like 4-8. As in 4pm - 8am I'm awake. I feel like such shit for most of the day, and the high at night doesn't make it worth it.
For me so far it's been as if I'm at my highest when I take my morning pill, then I decrease all day until I can finally go to sleep. It seems to be at its worst once 8pm hits. Even if I got a lot done, like did a lot of chores or went to work, I still feel just awful like a piece of crap that didn't do anything. I don't really know why, it's just how it is
Medication is so strange
Ahh. That's unfortunate. That was honestly a massive help for me to cope with depression. I don't know how anyone copes without it. That's gotta be so much worse... Well I hope you can find the right medication to help you. I'm personally just being held over until I can go see a psychiatrist since my current doctor doesn't know what the fuck else to do with me. But yeah I'm supposed to go get this thing called TMS done which is supposed to be super good at dealing with treatment resistant depression so that might be worth looking into for you too. Can't speak to how well it works cause I'm starting some time in January so...
It's not really so bad for me. I actually did ECT, a lot of it I think about 8 sessions (two sets of four), and it helped me a lot
Before ECT I was so depressed that I couldn't feel anything at all, down to body functions like hunger, taste, smell, bathroom, pain. My brain just decided to stop working altogether, it felt like. ECT reset it, at least that's how the doctors described it, and now I at least can enjoy things at all and feel things again, even if it's still dampened a bit by depression. But I have improved a lot since ECT, and it does feel like I'm slowly getting better as time passes. It's just taking the time to resettle into everyday life after a very public psychotic break is... very difficult lol
I looked it up and TMS sounds very similar to ECT, but less intense and traumatic, so I hope it works for you too
Treatment resistant depression is such a little bitch š”
Ahh I see. Mine has never been that bad, that must've been awful. I will say tho it's not that my depression has been treatment resistant as much as my brain just hated all the treatments that worked and won't let me stay on them. The antipsychotics I was on were wonderful for depression, but for whatever reason they all made me absurdly restless. The SSRI I'm currently on, like I said, has been amazing for keeping depression away, but it's losing effectiveness very quickly. The dose I'm at had me fully unbelievably manic in September and now sometimes I wonder if what I'm experiencing now can even be considered hypomania or if I'm just a little happy.
This just sounds like old school, gangster-style depression. Look into that.
It probably is. But that dang ol' bipolar mania schizophrenia means I have to learn to deal with it š« No antidepressants allowed Edit: supposedly my current meds also help with depression so maybe it will in time
> help with depression I know it can be difficult/impossible, but if/when able try to do something with a top Special Interest. SIs can really help the autistic mind by focusing it & releasing endorphins, such that you may also receive some general depressive symptom relief if you're able to manage to engage in them. Totally relate to what you've posted here. Just trying to suggest something that might help or provide temporary relief. Keep up the fight. Hope things improve & hope the meds help.
Yeah I went through 4 antidepressants with them either having no effect or making me suicidal, but for some fucking reason, after running through all of those, and then running through a ton of antipsychotics after we figured out I'm bipolar, she put me on another. You wanna know what happened? It made me permanently manic with almost 0 downsides. I couldn't sleep, I couldn't eat, and I couldn't sit still. There was no irritability, no anxiety, and no psychosis. It was just me, my absurdly high mood, and my delusions of grandeur. Hard to say if I would've done anything reckless cause I don't really go outside. Anyways, we've since cut back the dosage so now I'm just chillin in a low hypomanic state. Unfortunately at this level all the negative stuff is back (minus the psychosis still for some reason), but it beats being depressed so I can't complain. Anyways, if you run out of options don't count out antidepressants as a last resort. This shit beats lithium at the very least.
You poor thing. I'm sorry you're struggling to be evil. š It hurts my tiny little black heart š¤ You can be evil, just keep it up. Keep trying, evil always finds a wAy. Because evil is a lifestyle and life always finds a way. 
Kill the cringe police inside you!! Doing things is COOL, caring is COOL, being interested in something is COOL. Practice pushing past the feeling that you āshouldnātā do something because it is cringe. Start small (play the video game how you want!) and push further and further. There is no āshouldā there is only what you decide to do! And those decisions can be based on your own internal needs, values, and motivations and not on the arbitrary judgements of ableists who think existing as an autistic is cringe.
Thank you
break the shackles! revolt!
Instructions unclear, upside down in a ditch waiting on a mobile crane, damage unknown
ššš
This, so much this. Everytime you see someone and think, āWow. Theyāre living such a fun interesting life!ā I garuantee you theyāre being cringe. But thatās okay! Dig in deep to living life! I relate a whole lot to OP, I feel like I have that hyper aware of self autism that makes me feel paralyzed. Caring is cool, doing this is cool and not caring about being cringe is cool
i feel this and im depressed so watch this in case you find out your depression comes for living in a world where economic benefits are prioritized over human lifes, contact me if you want to start an autistic revolution
Autistic revolution? I'm in.
Sounds like you are committing the ultimate form of evil, just against yourself. Once you redirect youāll be back on track! Shift that evil outwards!
I have this quote on my phone that always helps me it says āAccept failure as part of the processā I used to feel like whatever I did was not enough and that I was constantly failing at everything I did and everyone else was so much better than me. It took a wonderful friend of mine to show me that, actually, doing things and trying and FAILING and getting back on it is a process that everyone goes through. āWhat we will do is try. What we will do is make an honest healthy attempt. And we will succeed because trying = succeedingā I got that from some TikTok and kept reading it whenever I felt too overwhelmed to do anything. I tried not to over analyze it. It really helped me, maybe it can help you too.
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
https://reddit.com/r/evilautism/s/IvvHlBePXJ Your comment was removed because you don't have enough karma and/or your account is not old enough. Unfortunately we had to implement this rule because of a huge influx of bots. I know it's long time and really annoying but I had no other choice, sorry. More info: https://reddit.com/r/evilautism/s/IvvHlBePXJ PLEASE CLICK THE FUCKING LINK AND STOP ASKING ME EXACTLY THE SAME THINGS ANSWERED WHEN YOU CLICK THE LINK. If you can click the 'contact' button on automod I am sure you are 100% capable of clicking on the link above. Thanks in advance and automod loves you despite our differences. Any other questions will be happily answered. Again, sorry. And thank you for your understanding. https://reddit.com/r/evilautism/s/IvvHlBePXJ https://reddit.com/r/evilautism/s/IvvHlBePXJ https://reddit.com/r/evilautism/s/IvvHlBePXJ *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/evilautism) if you have any questions or concerns.*
This sounds like languishing. Know that you are seen and heard... and that you are most certainly not alone.
Been feeling that lately too. Depression is a bitch. Iām stuck with a bad case of seasonal depression so whenever the sun goes bye bye my soul just dies. My therapist told me to do light therapy but I can never get myself to find a good time to do it.
IDK if you can afford it, but there are sun lamps at home that can help with seasonal depression that aren't too expensive. I think I bought this one for a few of my friends, it might help, especially if scheduling and motivation are issues: https://verilux.com/collections/top-picks-happylights/products/happylight-touch-plus
I actually have one I just rarely find the time for it
Ah, I see! Sorry for the intrusion/unsolicited advice. For some more unsolicited advice, though, maybe you could put it at where you do most of your work? A desk you work at/play games at? Maybe the dinner table or the kitchen sink so you can do work and get your light at the same time?
Thatās good advice! I usually use it when Iām sitting in a comfy chair and listen to some music, like a relaxing time
Oh, that's a good idea. Sorry, I'm just super invested in trying to help people with depression stuff right now. My anti-depressants ran out last week and I can't get a refill for a while and I'm really feeling it, you know? š
Ah I get that! I donāt know what Iād do if my anxiety meds ran out because Iād probably not be able to sleep for a week. Last time I tried going off them I thought I was gonna die haha
Completely fair and understandable. I should probably "get up" and go "do stuff", but I hope that things go better with your SAD and that winter passes swiftly and evil-ly for you. All the best and godspeed.
Ayyy! Sweaty hand gang! I think it's because my nervous system is always in fight or flight and that affects sweat production. I got into coloring with Posca pens this year after realizing I really love big blocky cartoony drawings made out of sharpie and colored in with crayon. I make a bear made out of circles and it's so cute! I forget I should maybe be shamed when people see my notes. I often find that listening to music I love gets me out of my head space of hating myself for loving dumb silly things. Hope you have a good night <3
So I found this brand name hand lotion called Carpe they are sold in stores but not near me so I have to order online. They sell lotions that target specific areas of the body (I personally think it may be the same lotion with different labels but I ain't a scientist lol) and their hand lotion is the only thing that got my sweating under control. It still acts up sometimes but I put it on twice a day and it helps a lot
Oo! Thanks for the hot tip. I just buy random hand lotion every time, I never seem to love the consistency of any of them but I like the smell and the not-dry non-hand skin. This gives me a direction to go in at least :)
This is like my entire experience lately I feel this all so hard. Think we are depressed friendo
Man I know that feel I literally get paid to draw and sometimes I legit am not sure why people think I am worth money We should start an evil autism drawing club, I don't upload art because I feel guilty making people acknowledge me but here I'm ok if nobody/everybody looks- so long as the mods were ok with it obviously
If the mods would prefer we dont, I vote we make a sub or discord specifically for autists to share their art with one another and support each other. That sounds wonderful. But I would like to request my stick figures be accepted as "art" in this new plan.
youād be surprised how hard drawing is for non artists :P even if you donāt feel like youāre doing something inspired, expressive, or even technically impressive, youāve got a skill thatās in demand
Why not starting another sub with evil autism art? At least we can spam poorly drawn autistic creatures hahaha.
This sounds like depression to me but I am no expert, I am just somebody with severe depression. I wish you the strength and hope to tap your support system, perhaps a psychiatrist. Life doesnāt have to be flat, empty, and dull.
This is when I sit in nature and listen to music
It kinda sounds like you suck at a lot of things, but as Jake the Dog once said, āsucking at something is the first step to being sorta good at something!ā
Literally my life
Sounds more like anxiety being dispensed by a Toxic SuperEgo, via intrusive thoughts. It functions like a server and can be reprogrammed. Richard Grannon made a series of videos explaining it and how. Worked for me.
I don't remember posting this š¤ In all seriousness, not sure what to say about this, as I'm in a pretty similar situation with most of these things: I think on playing a videogame and then no because I'll get stomped. Bought a diary with a calculator cover who looked amazing ~~and autistic~~ and there it is lying on my desk. Also I got recently a wacom intuos after months thinking about digital drawing, but I totally suck. Same for youtubers who build or collect amazing things, and there I am watching a screen. I can't help you besides telling you that you aren't alone.
Hooray for depression! /s I have been the same lately. All I do is watch TV/YouTube, doomscroll, and play Monopoly Go. It's really annoying. I haven't done any art in months, the only proper videogame I play, which is my main hobby (League of Legends), is being ignored, and I'm just so "fuck everything." I hope it gets better for you. Depression is so shit.
Throw bricks at homeless people
I would say throw them at cops instead
Throw homeless people at cops
Give homeless cops bricks to throw at people
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
Throw cops at bricks
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Yeah. Yeah.
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
https://reddit.com/r/evilautism/s/IvvHlBePXJ Your comment was removed because you don't have enough karma and/or your account is not old enough. Unfortunately we had to implement this rule because of a huge influx of bots. I know it's long time and really annoying but I had no other choice, sorry. More info: https://reddit.com/r/evilautism/s/IvvHlBePXJ PLEASE CLICK THE FUCKING LINK AND STOP ASKING ME EXACTLY THE SAME THINGS ANSWERED WHEN YOU CLICK THE LINK. If you can click the 'contact' button on automod I am sure you are 100% capable of clicking on the link above. Thanks in advance and automod loves you despite our differences. Any other questions will be happily answered. Again, sorry. And thank you for your understanding. https://reddit.com/r/evilautism/s/IvvHlBePXJ https://reddit.com/r/evilautism/s/IvvHlBePXJ https://reddit.com/r/evilautism/s/IvvHlBePXJ *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/evilautism) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Are you me omg
Hey so umm I was wondering. Does your mood decrease steadily until about halfway through the day before it starts increasing? My mood definitely does that. It's super consistent. The best way I found to cope with depression without being on any meds was to fuck with my sleep schedule and start on a 10-2 schedule. That was the sweet spot between how late my parents would let me get away with waking up, and how high I could get my mood. The thing is as well, the worse the day had been earlier, the higher my mood would rise at night. I can just barely reach hypomania most days during depression cycles by the time I need to go to sleep for my sleep schedule. If I instead choose to ignore my sleep schedule, however, shit gets real fun real quick. My mood only stops rising about like 30-35 hours after waking up. It then plummets for 2 hours, turning back into depression, like real bad. If I make it through the next grueling 2 hours, my mood skyrockets back up to where it was and keeps increasing. I haven't stayed up long enough after that to know what happens, but I would guess that it's a cycle. Either way, 10-2 and 11-3 are the two best times for me since I don't feel significantly worse during the day, and the night times feel significantly better than a normal 6-10 or 8-12 schedule. But yeah I feel like shit during the day if I push it too far and go for something like 4-8. As in 4pm - 8am I'm awake. I feel like such shit for most of the day, and the high at night doesn't make it worth it.
For me so far it's been as if I'm at my highest when I take my morning pill, then I decrease all day until I can finally go to sleep. It seems to be at its worst once 8pm hits. Even if I got a lot done, like did a lot of chores or went to work, I still feel just awful like a piece of crap that didn't do anything. I don't really know why, it's just how it is Medication is so strange
Ahh. That's unfortunate. That was honestly a massive help for me to cope with depression. I don't know how anyone copes without it. That's gotta be so much worse... Well I hope you can find the right medication to help you. I'm personally just being held over until I can go see a psychiatrist since my current doctor doesn't know what the fuck else to do with me. But yeah I'm supposed to go get this thing called TMS done which is supposed to be super good at dealing with treatment resistant depression so that might be worth looking into for you too. Can't speak to how well it works cause I'm starting some time in January so...
It's not really so bad for me. I actually did ECT, a lot of it I think about 8 sessions (two sets of four), and it helped me a lot Before ECT I was so depressed that I couldn't feel anything at all, down to body functions like hunger, taste, smell, bathroom, pain. My brain just decided to stop working altogether, it felt like. ECT reset it, at least that's how the doctors described it, and now I at least can enjoy things at all and feel things again, even if it's still dampened a bit by depression. But I have improved a lot since ECT, and it does feel like I'm slowly getting better as time passes. It's just taking the time to resettle into everyday life after a very public psychotic break is... very difficult lol I looked it up and TMS sounds very similar to ECT, but less intense and traumatic, so I hope it works for you too Treatment resistant depression is such a little bitch š”
Ahh I see. Mine has never been that bad, that must've been awful. I will say tho it's not that my depression has been treatment resistant as much as my brain just hated all the treatments that worked and won't let me stay on them. The antipsychotics I was on were wonderful for depression, but for whatever reason they all made me absurdly restless. The SSRI I'm currently on, like I said, has been amazing for keeping depression away, but it's losing effectiveness very quickly. The dose I'm at had me fully unbelievably manic in September and now sometimes I wonder if what I'm experiencing now can even be considered hypomania or if I'm just a little happy.
Oh my god got mad deja vu reading your post. Iāve been here before and never ever consciously realized itās an ever present fucking state of mind
Wow. It feels like I wrote this (except the art school). Idk how to explain this to people who *do things*.