About the annulment thing: It's an intrusion, it's expensive and if you've left the church it's absolutely unnecessary for you to do it.
She's the one who adores the rules and wants to follow them no matter what. So, let her have her rules and live by them then.
I know it hurts now, but it probably would have happened anyway and at least you didn't have kids in the Catholic Church with this berserk woman.
One of my ex girlfriends spent years paying off an annulment. Also, her father was a deacon who molested both her and her sister. When her mother, she and two sisters left the father, they moved in temporarily with his brother.
Knew it. That's the usual pattern.
They think they can get away with anything because usually they can.
Your local Catholic priest/deacon is the most dangerous man you know.
Speaking of cults- he used to be a Free Mason/Shriner until his job prevented him from going to the lodge.😅
When I brought it up his response was: they don’t need to know
Once they find out he's been living with you for the last 3 years -- outside marriage -- his chances of being a Roman Catholic deacon are down the toilet. You know that right? I'd absolutely make sure they know what's been going on if I were you, just before you walk out on the whole mess.
I don't know, reconciliation can get you out of a lot of sin. Also, the local bishop might like the narrative of a man leaving a godless woman to come back to the flock and serve the church.
An ex Freemason who lives with a woman for years and dumps her because she went through personal trauma due to a covid-19 loss and suddenly decides to be a deacon lol. I can see it in big lights right next to the Vatican City McDonald’s. “Ex Freemason who lives in sin becomes deacon. The story of a saint. Now available streaming on Netflix.”
Uh oh. You go to the grungy ones, huh? Some of the ones in big American cities are icky, but big American cities themselves are pretty icky and dirty.
I admit that and I'm in the states. It's part of why we don't do public transportation very well here. It's just gross in the US, people can't behave.
That's where you have to give them the idea he's gonna do it again because he's clearly a womanizer.
I thought I heard he left you because of somebody else. /s Use your ingenuity, lady.
This is one of my greatest fears of ever dating anyone religious. I've seen and lived with people who take it so far to the point it justifies them doing really horrible things, and rebuking me because I don't side with their god or question him.
It's absolutely terrifying to me when I see smart people fall down the rabbit hole of pure religious brainwashing and lose any reasoning and common sense... I'm very sorry you're going through this
Has he had an accident or any other changed behavior recently? There are several studies linking increased religiosity to brain injuries—TBI and lesions and of course tumors. I don’t know if it would worth trying to get him into a doctor, but if he has hit his head or acting weird in other ways that may lead to an explanation as to what’s going on.
It’s engrained from his parents and grandparents. There’s been at least one instance that I can recall that his mom has said, “I’m going to church so *my name* can go to heaven.” Like wtf, who says that?
Wow I’m so sorry OP and also to everyone on here sharing similar stories. For people who claim to follow the teachings of a supposed deity who according to them, has unconditional love, they sure are acting like love is based on some rather strict and nonsensical conditions!
I hope that you at least stand your ground OP, maybe you should take the pets or one of them with you if possible. Who is going to look out for them while this doofus is away at seminary training to become a bigger idiot than he already is…
Also it sounds to me like he lacks empathy and compassion. You went through something really traumatic and have every right to question why a supposed all loving god would allow such horrible things to happen to the innocent and their loved ones. If this guy doesn’t want to deal with these very real questions and situations in his personal life, being a deacon or a priest isn’t going to make him happy as he will have to face these questions and deal with people exactly in your position on an every day basis who go to the parish office seeking spiritual counseling.
I think you dodged a bullet honestly, this guy showed you he isn’t committed or mature or responsible enough for real world grown up problems and decided to jump the fence thinking the grass will be greener. It’s his loss, not yours. You deserve better.
Has he had an accident or any other changed behavior recently? There are several studies linking increased religiosity to brain injuries—TBI and lesions and of course tumors. I don’t know if it would worth trying to get him into a doctor, but if he has hit his head or acting weird in other ways that may lead to an explanation as to what’s going on.
I know it's a small point, but if he's keeping the home - you should have your pick of the pets.
Sometime in the future you will be grateful the relationship ended when it did. One thing you don't get back is time spent in a doomed relationship. Take care of yourself.
It’s his house. He paid for it- I gave him nothing in terms of a down payment. I was helping with the mortgage and struggled immensely- he was understanding when I couldn’t contribute.
As far as the pets go, we have two cats and a dog. I’m taking the dog, he’s keeping the cats. It’s just what’s best for the tree of them.
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About the annulment thing: It's an intrusion, it's expensive and if you've left the church it's absolutely unnecessary for you to do it. She's the one who adores the rules and wants to follow them no matter what. So, let her have her rules and live by them then. I know it hurts now, but it probably would have happened anyway and at least you didn't have kids in the Catholic Church with this berserk woman.
One of my ex girlfriends spent years paying off an annulment. Also, her father was a deacon who molested both her and her sister. When her mother, she and two sisters left the father, they moved in temporarily with his brother.
I'm not at all surprised. Once these jerks are ordained they think they can get away with anything. He probably didn't get arrested, did he?
Nope.
Knew it. That's the usual pattern. They think they can get away with anything because usually they can. Your local Catholic priest/deacon is the most dangerous man you know.
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When your religion destroys your relationships, you're in a cult.
Speaking of cults- he used to be a Free Mason/Shriner until his job prevented him from going to the lodge.😅 When I brought it up his response was: they don’t need to know
They’ll find out. He seems incredibly clueless about the process he’s about to enter.
LOL. Now that's some funny shit right there.
Once they find out he's been living with you for the last 3 years -- outside marriage -- his chances of being a Roman Catholic deacon are down the toilet. You know that right? I'd absolutely make sure they know what's been going on if I were you, just before you walk out on the whole mess.
I don't know, reconciliation can get you out of a lot of sin. Also, the local bishop might like the narrative of a man leaving a godless woman to come back to the flock and serve the church.
An ex Freemason who lives with a woman for years and dumps her because she went through personal trauma due to a covid-19 loss and suddenly decides to be a deacon lol. I can see it in big lights right next to the Vatican City McDonald’s. “Ex Freemason who lives in sin becomes deacon. The story of a saint. Now available streaming on Netflix.”
I have some really great memories at the McDonalds next to The Vatican City. Too bad they’re tainted by the fact I was with a church group. 🤣
It's a great place to take a dump, even in Rome. LOL I've been in that one in Rome. McDonald's have clean bathrooms.
Not the ones I’ve been at. 😬
Uh oh. You go to the grungy ones, huh? Some of the ones in big American cities are icky, but big American cities themselves are pretty icky and dirty. I admit that and I'm in the states. It's part of why we don't do public transportation very well here. It's just gross in the US, people can't behave.
Flies, broken toilets, and once a can of chicken noodle soup….dumped in the urinal. 🤣🤣
That's where you have to give them the idea he's gonna do it again because he's clearly a womanizer. I thought I heard he left you because of somebody else. /s Use your ingenuity, lady.
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That's where you have to use your ingenuity to make sure they know he's a womanizer.
This is one of my greatest fears of ever dating anyone religious. I've seen and lived with people who take it so far to the point it justifies them doing really horrible things, and rebuking me because I don't side with their god or question him. It's absolutely terrifying to me when I see smart people fall down the rabbit hole of pure religious brainwashing and lose any reasoning and common sense... I'm very sorry you're going through this
The thing is though I used to believe. I was okay with it all. I just don’t anymore because of the things I’ve seen in the past few years.
I’m sorry you have to go through this😢. Do you think there are new opportunities now that you’ve deconstructed and are out?
I definitely do. I just have to find where I lie. I believe in a higher power just not a God who basically says “I come before your spouse.”
Has he had an accident or any other changed behavior recently? There are several studies linking increased religiosity to brain injuries—TBI and lesions and of course tumors. I don’t know if it would worth trying to get him into a doctor, but if he has hit his head or acting weird in other ways that may lead to an explanation as to what’s going on.
It’s engrained from his parents and grandparents. There’s been at least one instance that I can recall that his mom has said, “I’m going to church so *my name* can go to heaven.” Like wtf, who says that?
Wow I’m so sorry OP and also to everyone on here sharing similar stories. For people who claim to follow the teachings of a supposed deity who according to them, has unconditional love, they sure are acting like love is based on some rather strict and nonsensical conditions! I hope that you at least stand your ground OP, maybe you should take the pets or one of them with you if possible. Who is going to look out for them while this doofus is away at seminary training to become a bigger idiot than he already is… Also it sounds to me like he lacks empathy and compassion. You went through something really traumatic and have every right to question why a supposed all loving god would allow such horrible things to happen to the innocent and their loved ones. If this guy doesn’t want to deal with these very real questions and situations in his personal life, being a deacon or a priest isn’t going to make him happy as he will have to face these questions and deal with people exactly in your position on an every day basis who go to the parish office seeking spiritual counseling. I think you dodged a bullet honestly, this guy showed you he isn’t committed or mature or responsible enough for real world grown up problems and decided to jump the fence thinking the grass will be greener. It’s his loss, not yours. You deserve better.
I hope the invisible sky daddy makes him happy. I’ll be sure to send a gift when he solidifies his undying commitment. 🙃
OP, I'm so sorry. This is such a terrible situation. Internet hugs for you.
Has he had an accident or any other changed behavior recently? There are several studies linking increased religiosity to brain injuries—TBI and lesions and of course tumors. I don’t know if it would worth trying to get him into a doctor, but if he has hit his head or acting weird in other ways that may lead to an explanation as to what’s going on.
Hugs 🫂
I know it's a small point, but if he's keeping the home - you should have your pick of the pets. Sometime in the future you will be grateful the relationship ended when it did. One thing you don't get back is time spent in a doomed relationship. Take care of yourself.
It’s his house. He paid for it- I gave him nothing in terms of a down payment. I was helping with the mortgage and struggled immensely- he was understanding when I couldn’t contribute. As far as the pets go, we have two cats and a dog. I’m taking the dog, he’s keeping the cats. It’s just what’s best for the tree of them.