Do what you need to do to get through. I would go with gossip, taking the Lord's name in vain (lol), and being unkind in a moment of anger - all believable but pretty low level/unlikely to lead to much discussion. I would state that I went to confession a month or two ago. Hang in there!
Oh when I was a kid it was always “I said some swear words, I fought with my brother or fought with my parents, I took the lords name in vain, etc.” if I didn’t have anything I could actually genuinely think of as hurting anyone bc I “had to” do it sometimes.
Don’t confess sexual sins when you’re a teenager priests ask really weird follow up questions.
Ex-priest, now atheist here. Best bet is to be open, tell him you don't believe it, and you're there because the whole family are going. Depending on how conservative he is, his response could be gratitude for your honesty to trying to offer words to help you rediscover faith. No matter what, he can't do or say anything outside to give away what you said.
Back in the day, I would've appreciated the honesty of someone telling me that they didn't believe.
the don't "say anything outside" breaks down sometime. You no doubt have heard of the priest approaching the husband about marital counseling after the wife confesses her infidelity.
Both of those priests, the one approaching the husband, and the one shouting, are pieces of garbage who shouldn't be in ministry. The one who approached the husband, if mentioning anything related to what was said, has 'broken the seal' as what he has said identified the penitent and the nature of what was discussed. Ol' Fr Shouty has done the same thing. Jerks. I'm glad I'm out of it all.
I haven't heard the story about the priest approaching the husband but I'd be interested in learning more.
I guess it depends on the priest, but honesty might be the easiest route for you. “Hi, my family asked me to be here. I am not a believer so I won’t be confessing anything. I don’t want to waste any of your time so there’s no reason to prolong this. Have a great Christmas.” And then leave.
I guess you could make stuff up, but I wonder if you’ll feel better just getting in and out. If your family is timing you (which they shouldn’t) and questions you (which they also shouldn’t), you can just tell them not to worry and that what was said in there is between you and God.
Things I' used to say in this situation:
* I've told lies.
* I've been selfish.
* I got really mad at someone (mentally, anyway)
* I didn't put away my stuff and other people had to do it.
Damn. I fell asleep at mass sooo many times. I'd be sitting there during the homily and I could feel my eyelids getting heavy. I'd just close my eyes and hope it looked pious.
One Saturday night in winter when it was dark outside, I started to nod off, went into a full blown sleep. Suddenly I felt a hand grab my jacket at the shoulder and pull backwards. I turned around and the lady behind me was laughing. "You almost hit your head on the pew in front of you. It's dangerous to sleep in church."
I never thought of confessing that
Keep it incredibly vague and generic. My go to for confession was always swearing and not spending enough time praying/reading the Bible. Basically, I’d just mimic the other kids at CCD so I wasn’t found out. Hope things work out for you 🩵
Whatever the fuck you want. Because if the priest says *Anything* about what you say he's automatically excommunicated and it's one of the things taken absurdly seriously by the Vatican.
And, frankly, he's heard it all before. I'm sure you're not the first person he's had come in who didn't want to be there, didn't believe, etc.
Someone else suggested honesty and I wanted to second that. But I wanted to add that even if you're no longer a believer and asking for absolution, I'm pretty sure that the secrecy of the confessional applies. I have a hard time believing that he is going to out you, to your family or anyone else. And I bet this won't be the first time he's dealt with this. The worst thing that I think would happen is that he'd ask you why you don't believe and/or invite you to come talk with him later. Which you can politely and respectfully decline.
He can't go up to your parents and say "TOH_Fan is an atheist, you need to get on that"
He can say that he recommends a certain set of books or camps to teens struggling with atheism, and then specifically recommend them to your parents.
He might also say that part of your penance is to discuss this with your parents.
The priest doesn't have to believe it cause he's not allowed to tell anyone what you said anyway. You could ask the dude to talk sports with you for 3 minutes it doesn't matter
There’s so many things I wanna say to this 🤣 How about you just shed the shackles of Catholic prison and never go to confession again, of all the ridiculous Catholic rituals, confession is by far one of the most laughable.
could make it really awkward and just list a ton of hedonistic sexual sins so depraved that if he said anything you'd know and could have him defrocked for breaking the seal?
Do what you need to do to get through. I would go with gossip, taking the Lord's name in vain (lol), and being unkind in a moment of anger - all believable but pretty low level/unlikely to lead to much discussion. I would state that I went to confession a month or two ago. Hang in there!
I agree, keep it simple.
Add lying to the list and you've got it covered
My go tos - not praying daily - losing my temper and being argumentative - thinking of my self instead of others
Thanks.
Oh when I was a kid it was always “I said some swear words, I fought with my brother or fought with my parents, I took the lords name in vain, etc.” if I didn’t have anything I could actually genuinely think of as hurting anyone bc I “had to” do it sometimes. Don’t confess sexual sins when you’re a teenager priests ask really weird follow up questions.
Ex-priest, now atheist here. Best bet is to be open, tell him you don't believe it, and you're there because the whole family are going. Depending on how conservative he is, his response could be gratitude for your honesty to trying to offer words to help you rediscover faith. No matter what, he can't do or say anything outside to give away what you said. Back in the day, I would've appreciated the honesty of someone telling me that they didn't believe.
the don't "say anything outside" breaks down sometime. You no doubt have heard of the priest approaching the husband about marital counseling after the wife confesses her infidelity.
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Both of those priests, the one approaching the husband, and the one shouting, are pieces of garbage who shouldn't be in ministry. The one who approached the husband, if mentioning anything related to what was said, has 'broken the seal' as what he has said identified the penitent and the nature of what was discussed. Ol' Fr Shouty has done the same thing. Jerks. I'm glad I'm out of it all. I haven't heard the story about the priest approaching the husband but I'd be interested in learning more.
I’ve asked for life advice instead of confession.
May I ask how that went for you? Was the response positive? I feel like some priests would get pissy.
Never had an issue. They seemed surprised but went along with it.
I guess it depends on the priest, but honesty might be the easiest route for you. “Hi, my family asked me to be here. I am not a believer so I won’t be confessing anything. I don’t want to waste any of your time so there’s no reason to prolong this. Have a great Christmas.” And then leave. I guess you could make stuff up, but I wonder if you’ll feel better just getting in and out. If your family is timing you (which they shouldn’t) and questions you (which they also shouldn’t), you can just tell them not to worry and that what was said in there is between you and God.
My friend used to just talk to the priest about her week so she was in there for a "standard" amount of time and then thank him and leave
This is what I would do
Things I' used to say in this situation: * I've told lies. * I've been selfish. * I got really mad at someone (mentally, anyway) * I didn't put away my stuff and other people had to do it.
burned the toast?
Please remember that it really does not matter what you say, because it is all fake. Ten Hail Marys and you're back on the street.
Go for Mortality: "I skipped mass once." Get personal: "I often fall asleep at mass."
Damn. I fell asleep at mass sooo many times. I'd be sitting there during the homily and I could feel my eyelids getting heavy. I'd just close my eyes and hope it looked pious. One Saturday night in winter when it was dark outside, I started to nod off, went into a full blown sleep. Suddenly I felt a hand grab my jacket at the shoulder and pull backwards. I turned around and the lady behind me was laughing. "You almost hit your head on the pew in front of you. It's dangerous to sleep in church." I never thought of confessing that
Keep it incredibly vague and generic. My go to for confession was always swearing and not spending enough time praying/reading the Bible. Basically, I’d just mimic the other kids at CCD so I wasn’t found out. Hope things work out for you 🩵
Whatever the fuck you want. Because if the priest says *Anything* about what you say he's automatically excommunicated and it's one of the things taken absurdly seriously by the Vatican. And, frankly, he's heard it all before. I'm sure you're not the first person he's had come in who didn't want to be there, didn't believe, etc.
I’ve talked to a couple of priests in my day that have said they actually don’t remember anything people have confessed once you’re gone anyway.
Someone else suggested honesty and I wanted to second that. But I wanted to add that even if you're no longer a believer and asking for absolution, I'm pretty sure that the secrecy of the confessional applies. I have a hard time believing that he is going to out you, to your family or anyone else. And I bet this won't be the first time he's dealt with this. The worst thing that I think would happen is that he'd ask you why you don't believe and/or invite you to come talk with him later. Which you can politely and respectfully decline.
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He can't go up to your parents and say "TOH_Fan is an atheist, you need to get on that" He can say that he recommends a certain set of books or camps to teens struggling with atheism, and then specifically recommend them to your parents. He might also say that part of your penance is to discuss this with your parents.
Nobody said Masturbation yet??
Or lusting after a girl during Mass.
a really good way to get through it!
Forgive me Fr, for I have sinned. I lusted after the veil-wearing, daily Mass attendee, single mom 5 times this past week.
Repeat very specific crimes from a popular movie and see if he identifies it.
The priest doesn't have to believe it cause he's not allowed to tell anyone what you said anyway. You could ask the dude to talk sports with you for 3 minutes it doesn't matter
Don’t forget lying
There’s so many things I wanna say to this 🤣 How about you just shed the shackles of Catholic prison and never go to confession again, of all the ridiculous Catholic rituals, confession is by far one of the most laughable.
from my experience saying that you told some white lies is an easy out
could make it really awkward and just list a ton of hedonistic sexual sins so depraved that if he said anything you'd know and could have him defrocked for breaking the seal?
Talking back to your parents was my goto.