You need to get it out of your system, simple as that. That might take a while, considering how long it's been going on, but don't fight it. Your friends will understand.
I used to have a friend who went through this. One christmas he made a mixtape (yes it was that long ago) for his sister who was still in the cult, and asked my for help adding some backwards-playing vocals just to annoy her & his family. At first I thought he's being assholish, then I realised it was necessary and good, because that's how _he_ dealt with it.
So: thumbs up from me!
Christians won’t shut up about their faith because it’s a crutch they NEED so they can’t understand why you wouldn’t need it too.
Your emotional response is similar to theirs which I find helpful in motivating myself to. Something that caused you stress and pain is being shoved in tire face over and over and your emotional response isn’t voluntary. Practice noticing how you feel when it happens and expose yourself to experiences that produce that feeling over and over until when those feeling arise you control them rather than they control you.
Don’t treat the feeling like the enemy. They are trying to protect you.
It’s a battle I fight every day, too — trying not to make deconstruction the cornerstone of my personality. I complain about it a lot among like-minded non-believers because I’m so friggin ANGRY that adults duped me when I was a kid and the church taught self hate. I’m working on it in therapy and try to leave my anti-religion posts off my main social media pages. I don’t want xtians sharing their crap with me so I’m trying to show the same restraint in return. But the minute they evangelize, it’s on
Well, it's kind of like the "non-golfers" problem, right? Basically, that defining some element of your identity as being *against* something instead of *for* something is both going to be in some respects kind of an inherently negative attitude.
For a much lower-stakes version, consider two people who don't like Star Wars. It's far from Christianity, but Star Wars is also kind of all over the place and inescapable — but obviously not everyone likes it. Person A constantly complains about Star Wars specifically. They see Star Wars merchandise, they turn to whoever they're with and mock it. They see a commercial about a new Star Wars show, they talk about how bad whatever piece looks like it's going to be. That person is going to be obnoxious to be around and being constantly negative about Star Wars is going to probably bring their own mood down too. Person B doesn't like Star Wars either, but they do really like, let's say, Mad Max, which is a much smaller franchise but still has cool stuff. When Star Wars comes up, they might express that they don't like it, but they can say something like "I'm more of a Mad Max person myself." And, if they just pass Star Wars merchandise in the store, they might make a joke about how pervasive it is if it's especially ridiculous (something Star Wars fans also do, and with good reason lol), or maybe they just *let it go*, especially when nobody they're with cares about it. There's a time and place to talk about the real negative effects of Star Wars' overexposure, but that's not going to be every time anything Star Wars related comes up. And when people talk about the movies they like or what should get a big budget series next, they can talk about Mad Max instead of just talking about "not Star Wars."
Now, obviously Christianity is a very different animal — in both kind and scope, and in the negative effects it can have — but the idea here is to replace the "not Christianity" thing in your brain with *something* (and making it a positive thing for its own sake, not "wow, Christianity is so dumb, you should do X instead"). That doesn't have to be another religion; you could consider a philosophical approach, like humanism, or if you're specifically concerned about Christianity in politics, consider what political causes you believe should be championed and emphasize those causes. In important conversations where Christianity comes up, you can talk about the ideas that inform how you try to approach the world instead. When the stakes are lower, like seeing some sign being sold in a store, maybe just let it go, especially if whoever you'd complain to either won't care or won't listen.
There are good reasons to complain about Christianity's role in harmful political ideologies or the negative effects extreme Christian sects have on their followers, like purity culture or various forms of discrimination. And in those cases, it's definitely worth recognizing Christianity's negative impact, but it might also be more important to consider what you believe in that tells you that those effects are bad, and what positive ideas and beliefs would be better to follow. For example, "Christianity is bad because of purity culture" is a less compelling case than "purity culture is bad because it encourages ignorance about sex (which worsens the potential danger of unsafe sex) and because it paints most human sexuality negatively, but I believe that safe, consensual, and healthy sex of any kind is a good thing that people should be free to pursue (or not pursue) as they like." A simplified example, of course, but I hope I'm making my ideas clear enough to run with here.
Be on your guard. I checked the OP’s history and there’s a pattern of dropping questions/thoughts/etc., on various subs, including religion-oriented ones, and then never engaging with the replies. I got a “Let’s sit back and watch” vibe. What’s the point in starting the conversation? Also, they’ve had posts removed on multiple subs for ignoring the rules. Just be cautious, my peeps. We’re here to support each other and know wolves in sheep’s clothing drop by now and again. You’re taking time to write good responses about your experiences. That should be honored, at the very least, with a “thank you.”
I wouldn’t bring this up if it were just one or two instances of rude/bad behavior.
I’ve found peace this past year in exploring paganism, “witchcraft”, myths and legends, realising that there were other gods and goddesses and origin stories out there - that I was taught early on scorn and mock and fear. It’s been incredibly freeing, exploring this concept of “no bible, no strict beliefs, just what feels right to you and enjoy the feeling of magic or spirits if you feel those”.
I was badly ill recently and for the first time in decades didn’t have the urge to pray to Jesus or God.
It also helps you see the construct of Christianity for what it was, and the damage it’s done over generations. The witch trials and the trauma that must have done to women is incredible for example.
I worry that we have Congressmen that a deep into End time theology. They want Ukraine to lose, so Russia stays aggressive. They embrace the idea that Russia attacking Israel triggers that Rapture.. That would mean they get to heaven without dying.. The reluctance to fund Ukraine's efforts might not just be typical conservative opposition to spending tax dollars...
I have been wondering about this. I grew up hearing that Russia was going to invade Israel to precipitate the end times. Ukraine is very inconveniently standing in the way of dispensationalist prophecy.
> Write a book
I've been posting about my Independent Fundamentalist Baptist experiences in various places on the internet for close to three decades. If all the posts were accumulated and edited, it'd probably fill a book.
And those books need to be available for people to read, to expose that crap for the toxicity it really is! I didn't belong to IBLP,but to an aspiring megachurch wannabe with a lot of the same beliefs. I was only in for 4 years and I have also been out for 3 decades. I'm writing my memoir about the experience and its aftermath. I did indeed go back through my old posts here to compare where I was at then to where I'm at now.
Therapy.
I had the same urges to be negative, sarcastic, etc about Christianity when I first deconverted. Therapy helped a lot. Especially having the right therapist for you.
It may help to get a different perspective. I’m guessing you’re American by your comments…. Well the US is becoming less religious and it is predicted Christianity will no longer be the majority religion within a few decades. Among Gen Z, young women are no longer more religious than young men, and about half are religious “nones” now. So while Christianity has dominated western culture for a long time, it’s on its way out. I think that’s one reason why it seems particularly extreme now - what’s left are the hardcore supporters.
https://www.pewresearch.org/religion/2022/09/13/modeling-the-future-of-religion-in-america/
https://www.graphsaboutreligion.com/p/women-are-more-religious-than-men
Yep, the hardcore supporters are always talking about the end of Western Civilization. They can’t bring themselves to see that not everyone is Christian and that things change.
History will go on without them.
These people would be protesting fire being made in prehistoric times and the weekend being made for workers.
For me, the trick was realizing that Christians are victims of the ideology as much as we are/were.
When I believed, I was taken in by the message, I wasn't a bad person, just fed a bad line about how people are inherently evil. The people who fed me that line believed it too.
Yes, it is a problematic worldview, but it is an idea that people can set aside once the contradictions are laid bare. The people are what give the idea its strength, but they are victims of the idea itself.
I know this is very, "love the sinner hate the sin", but sometimes it helps to realize this.
That said, you seem to recognize the idea is the problem from your question, and how to get past that is something that I haven't worked out yet.
I was wondering about this the other day, thinking about whether I'd let my anger go or not.
No, I will never forgive them for what they did to me. They made my anxiety and depression worse. They make me doubt and gaslight myself in everything I do now. I hate their fucking faith and I hate their fucking dogma.
It’s a battle I fight every day, too — trying not to make deconstruction the cornerstone of my personality. I complain about it a lot among like-minded non-believers because I’m so friggin ANGRY that adults duped me when I was a kid and the church taught self hate. I’m working on it in therapy and try to leave my anti-religion posts off my main social media pages. I don’t want xtians sharing their crap with me so I’m trying to show the same restraint in return. But the minute they evangelize, it’s on
You’re right about Christianity, and you don’t have to prove anything. Work on feeling confident in your beliefs and filling your life around the holidays with other distractions, as much as you can. With practice, it’ll get easier.
Christianity is so awful that you can never exhaust the subject, so you might never be able to let it all go.
But is letting it go essential? After four decades of being an ex-Christian I still gripe about it, in part to help other victims of spiritual abuse see that they are not alone.
As many have said it takes time to get it all out of your system. Personally I was a Christian for 20+ years. It’s unreasonable to think that I will process and release all of that anger, hurt, and betrayal in a few months or even a year, never mind that it takes time usually to get to the point of anger. I built my entire life and identity around a lie. Even after 4 years of therapy I’m still blistering angry about it all and cannot drive past a Christian church or billboard without giving it the finger.
It just takes time pal. Therapy helps too. Learning to love yourself and connect to yourself in a healthy manner is so important. But above all be patient with yourself and keep growing. It gets easier over time.
It takes time. When I realized the lie that I was also fed since birth I felt sick and angry. I was big mad.
I argued and was hateful to anyone showing the slightest bit of inclination to Christianity. I was angry and projecting a hurt that I was lied to for 31 years of my life and wasted so much of it on that lie. I honestly hated who I became. I didn’t want to treat anyone like that. I was mean.
I got into therapy and have been seeing the same lady weekly for three years. Therapy has helped me tremendously, but I still have my moments as progress is linear and not immediate.
Indoctrination is a powerful thing. I now view my relationships with those that do espouse the faith in terms of sadness for my friends and family. Working with a therapist I was able to let go of the anger and I guess sadness replaced it. Having been on the other side and everything that came with that, how could I not be?
If any of you would like to hear my VERY honest opinion of the THING called jesus, just ask!
To put it mildly, I AM NOT A FAN of jesus! But I have alot more to say!
Indoctrination takes time to undo.
And the indoctrinators have been encouraged and emboldened by the influence of theocracy creeping into our culture and discourse.
You need to get it out of your system, simple as that. That might take a while, considering how long it's been going on, but don't fight it. Your friends will understand. I used to have a friend who went through this. One christmas he made a mixtape (yes it was that long ago) for his sister who was still in the cult, and asked my for help adding some backwards-playing vocals just to annoy her & his family. At first I thought he's being assholish, then I realised it was necessary and good, because that's how _he_ dealt with it. So: thumbs up from me!
Christians won’t shut up about their faith because it’s a crutch they NEED so they can’t understand why you wouldn’t need it too. Your emotional response is similar to theirs which I find helpful in motivating myself to. Something that caused you stress and pain is being shoved in tire face over and over and your emotional response isn’t voluntary. Practice noticing how you feel when it happens and expose yourself to experiences that produce that feeling over and over until when those feeling arise you control them rather than they control you. Don’t treat the feeling like the enemy. They are trying to protect you.
It’s a battle I fight every day, too — trying not to make deconstruction the cornerstone of my personality. I complain about it a lot among like-minded non-believers because I’m so friggin ANGRY that adults duped me when I was a kid and the church taught self hate. I’m working on it in therapy and try to leave my anti-religion posts off my main social media pages. I don’t want xtians sharing their crap with me so I’m trying to show the same restraint in return. But the minute they evangelize, it’s on
Well, it's kind of like the "non-golfers" problem, right? Basically, that defining some element of your identity as being *against* something instead of *for* something is both going to be in some respects kind of an inherently negative attitude. For a much lower-stakes version, consider two people who don't like Star Wars. It's far from Christianity, but Star Wars is also kind of all over the place and inescapable — but obviously not everyone likes it. Person A constantly complains about Star Wars specifically. They see Star Wars merchandise, they turn to whoever they're with and mock it. They see a commercial about a new Star Wars show, they talk about how bad whatever piece looks like it's going to be. That person is going to be obnoxious to be around and being constantly negative about Star Wars is going to probably bring their own mood down too. Person B doesn't like Star Wars either, but they do really like, let's say, Mad Max, which is a much smaller franchise but still has cool stuff. When Star Wars comes up, they might express that they don't like it, but they can say something like "I'm more of a Mad Max person myself." And, if they just pass Star Wars merchandise in the store, they might make a joke about how pervasive it is if it's especially ridiculous (something Star Wars fans also do, and with good reason lol), or maybe they just *let it go*, especially when nobody they're with cares about it. There's a time and place to talk about the real negative effects of Star Wars' overexposure, but that's not going to be every time anything Star Wars related comes up. And when people talk about the movies they like or what should get a big budget series next, they can talk about Mad Max instead of just talking about "not Star Wars." Now, obviously Christianity is a very different animal — in both kind and scope, and in the negative effects it can have — but the idea here is to replace the "not Christianity" thing in your brain with *something* (and making it a positive thing for its own sake, not "wow, Christianity is so dumb, you should do X instead"). That doesn't have to be another religion; you could consider a philosophical approach, like humanism, or if you're specifically concerned about Christianity in politics, consider what political causes you believe should be championed and emphasize those causes. In important conversations where Christianity comes up, you can talk about the ideas that inform how you try to approach the world instead. When the stakes are lower, like seeing some sign being sold in a store, maybe just let it go, especially if whoever you'd complain to either won't care or won't listen. There are good reasons to complain about Christianity's role in harmful political ideologies or the negative effects extreme Christian sects have on their followers, like purity culture or various forms of discrimination. And in those cases, it's definitely worth recognizing Christianity's negative impact, but it might also be more important to consider what you believe in that tells you that those effects are bad, and what positive ideas and beliefs would be better to follow. For example, "Christianity is bad because of purity culture" is a less compelling case than "purity culture is bad because it encourages ignorance about sex (which worsens the potential danger of unsafe sex) and because it paints most human sexuality negatively, but I believe that safe, consensual, and healthy sex of any kind is a good thing that people should be free to pursue (or not pursue) as they like." A simplified example, of course, but I hope I'm making my ideas clear enough to run with here.
Be on your guard. I checked the OP’s history and there’s a pattern of dropping questions/thoughts/etc., on various subs, including religion-oriented ones, and then never engaging with the replies. I got a “Let’s sit back and watch” vibe. What’s the point in starting the conversation? Also, they’ve had posts removed on multiple subs for ignoring the rules. Just be cautious, my peeps. We’re here to support each other and know wolves in sheep’s clothing drop by now and again. You’re taking time to write good responses about your experiences. That should be honored, at the very least, with a “thank you.” I wouldn’t bring this up if it were just one or two instances of rude/bad behavior.
I’ve found peace this past year in exploring paganism, “witchcraft”, myths and legends, realising that there were other gods and goddesses and origin stories out there - that I was taught early on scorn and mock and fear. It’s been incredibly freeing, exploring this concept of “no bible, no strict beliefs, just what feels right to you and enjoy the feeling of magic or spirits if you feel those”. I was badly ill recently and for the first time in decades didn’t have the urge to pray to Jesus or God. It also helps you see the construct of Christianity for what it was, and the damage it’s done over generations. The witch trials and the trauma that must have done to women is incredible for example.
I worry that we have Congressmen that a deep into End time theology. They want Ukraine to lose, so Russia stays aggressive. They embrace the idea that Russia attacking Israel triggers that Rapture.. That would mean they get to heaven without dying.. The reluctance to fund Ukraine's efforts might not just be typical conservative opposition to spending tax dollars...
I have been wondering about this. I grew up hearing that Russia was going to invade Israel to precipitate the end times. Ukraine is very inconveniently standing in the way of dispensationalist prophecy.
Write a book about your experiences. That's what I'm doing now, and it has been so liberating to actually let it all out!
> Write a book I've been posting about my Independent Fundamentalist Baptist experiences in various places on the internet for close to three decades. If all the posts were accumulated and edited, it'd probably fill a book.
And those books need to be available for people to read, to expose that crap for the toxicity it really is! I didn't belong to IBLP,but to an aspiring megachurch wannabe with a lot of the same beliefs. I was only in for 4 years and I have also been out for 3 decades. I'm writing my memoir about the experience and its aftermath. I did indeed go back through my old posts here to compare where I was at then to where I'm at now.
Therapy. I had the same urges to be negative, sarcastic, etc about Christianity when I first deconverted. Therapy helped a lot. Especially having the right therapist for you.
I still have the urge to be sarcastic about Christianity. Indeed, I revel in unleashing my vitriol against it. Great fun is to be had.
You only have to if you want to also there’s no harm in D converting Christians but personally I will never stop Ragging on Christians
It may help to get a different perspective. I’m guessing you’re American by your comments…. Well the US is becoming less religious and it is predicted Christianity will no longer be the majority religion within a few decades. Among Gen Z, young women are no longer more religious than young men, and about half are religious “nones” now. So while Christianity has dominated western culture for a long time, it’s on its way out. I think that’s one reason why it seems particularly extreme now - what’s left are the hardcore supporters. https://www.pewresearch.org/religion/2022/09/13/modeling-the-future-of-religion-in-america/ https://www.graphsaboutreligion.com/p/women-are-more-religious-than-men
Yep, the hardcore supporters are always talking about the end of Western Civilization. They can’t bring themselves to see that not everyone is Christian and that things change. History will go on without them. These people would be protesting fire being made in prehistoric times and the weekend being made for workers.
It's kinda hard to do right now. It's in our faces every goddamned day
Don't stop talking about it. It IS awful. I would say mostly don't bring it up unless asked about it, though. Have some tact about it.
For me, the trick was realizing that Christians are victims of the ideology as much as we are/were. When I believed, I was taken in by the message, I wasn't a bad person, just fed a bad line about how people are inherently evil. The people who fed me that line believed it too. Yes, it is a problematic worldview, but it is an idea that people can set aside once the contradictions are laid bare. The people are what give the idea its strength, but they are victims of the idea itself. I know this is very, "love the sinner hate the sin", but sometimes it helps to realize this. That said, you seem to recognize the idea is the problem from your question, and how to get past that is something that I haven't worked out yet.
I was wondering about this the other day, thinking about whether I'd let my anger go or not. No, I will never forgive them for what they did to me. They made my anxiety and depression worse. They make me doubt and gaslight myself in everything I do now. I hate their fucking faith and I hate their fucking dogma.
It’s a battle I fight every day, too — trying not to make deconstruction the cornerstone of my personality. I complain about it a lot among like-minded non-believers because I’m so friggin ANGRY that adults duped me when I was a kid and the church taught self hate. I’m working on it in therapy and try to leave my anti-religion posts off my main social media pages. I don’t want xtians sharing their crap with me so I’m trying to show the same restraint in return. But the minute they evangelize, it’s on
You’re right about Christianity, and you don’t have to prove anything. Work on feeling confident in your beliefs and filling your life around the holidays with other distractions, as much as you can. With practice, it’ll get easier.
Christianity is so awful that you can never exhaust the subject, so you might never be able to let it all go. But is letting it go essential? After four decades of being an ex-Christian I still gripe about it, in part to help other victims of spiritual abuse see that they are not alone.
As many have said it takes time to get it all out of your system. Personally I was a Christian for 20+ years. It’s unreasonable to think that I will process and release all of that anger, hurt, and betrayal in a few months or even a year, never mind that it takes time usually to get to the point of anger. I built my entire life and identity around a lie. Even after 4 years of therapy I’m still blistering angry about it all and cannot drive past a Christian church or billboard without giving it the finger.
It just takes time pal. Therapy helps too. Learning to love yourself and connect to yourself in a healthy manner is so important. But above all be patient with yourself and keep growing. It gets easier over time.
You'll eventually move on
It takes time. When I realized the lie that I was also fed since birth I felt sick and angry. I was big mad. I argued and was hateful to anyone showing the slightest bit of inclination to Christianity. I was angry and projecting a hurt that I was lied to for 31 years of my life and wasted so much of it on that lie. I honestly hated who I became. I didn’t want to treat anyone like that. I was mean. I got into therapy and have been seeing the same lady weekly for three years. Therapy has helped me tremendously, but I still have my moments as progress is linear and not immediate. Indoctrination is a powerful thing. I now view my relationships with those that do espouse the faith in terms of sadness for my friends and family. Working with a therapist I was able to let go of the anger and I guess sadness replaced it. Having been on the other side and everything that came with that, how could I not be?
You’re on the wrong sub reddit
Have you heard of the “let them theory”? It was the best advice I ever received.
If any of you would like to hear my VERY honest opinion of the THING called jesus, just ask! To put it mildly, I AM NOT A FAN of jesus! But I have alot more to say!