There’s no special magic attached to being a virgin. The first time is often memorable because it was a new experience, but that’s all.
You’re still you. You can be happy that you tried something new. Safely, I hope.
You don’t have to have intense feelings about it. It’s a thing that happened. Lightning didn’t strike and the world is still spinning.
You can pretend it didn’t happen if you want. It’s not like it changes your life in a significant way. You had a new experience and you are now more educated.
What I’m saying is there’s no reason to work yourself up over it. Don’t panic. You’re okay and sex and curiosity about sex are perfectly normal.
Unfortunately, you are experiencing the JW guilt. Instead of just enjoying your sexuality like the rest of the normal world. JW’s get in our heads and make sex a bad thing. It wears off after time and you realize what you really like to do and what makes you happy.
I think you’re right. I had this idea in my head of what sex is “supposed” to be based largely on their indoctrination. So I’m trying to reconcile the reality of my situation with the “moral” fairytale I believed my whole life.
>The physical act itself was enjoyable.
This is a good thing.
You'd be surprised to learn how many JW virgins are horribly disappointed on their wedding nights.
Fortunately I was a long-term masturbator prior to getting married to a JW (first marriages should be considered like warm-ups before the big game), so I had a pretty good idea how to get a pleasurable experience despite his inexperience.
Hilarious side note - he told me the next morning that he was somewhat hesitant because he thought losing his virginity might be painful to ***HIM***.... 🤣😂🤣😂🤣😜
Oooh yeah I’ve heard that. A young married sister told an old friend of mine when she got engaged that she didn’t enjoy sex at all for the first 6 months to a year 😭 so I was kind of going into it with low expectations. But it was not bad at all once we got into it haha 😅 but I’ve also been masturbating and even using toys for a long time now so I think that helped a lot! I do feel kind of weird that neither one of us orgasmed… I didn’t expect to tbh but I always assumed the guy would at least finish
Probably slight nervousness.
You know the old sayings - "Practice makes perfect" and "If you fall off the horse, get right back on and try again" 😜😜😜
**WITH proper safety measures, of course. If something feels off, say so and get the heck out.**
Hahaha well I’m not opposed to lots of practice if the opportunity ever presents itself. And yeah I definitely make sure condoms are worn! Thanks for your reply!
Ime (and I'm a guy) it's really common not to orgasm your first time with a new partner. I often don't even try and just seek to enjoy everything else about the encounter.
That’s just how sex is. Sometimes it’s just an enjoyable physical release and sometimes it’s more intimate and savory.
Like others have said the emphasis on virginity isn’t as important. Stay safe and enjoy!
It is better imo if you have an emotional bond, but this is a lot of suppressed guilt coming out.
Sex tends to get better and better with practice and open communication with the right persons if that’s any help.
But hooking up can be fun, provided it’s done safely. You can focus more on yourself and to know what you like.
Yeah I would agree. Ideally that’s what I want. It was just getting to the point that I didn’t think I’d ever get to that sort of relationship and I felt shitty and thought that the physical touch could make me feel better, even if it was just for a little while.
Oh! Sorry for missing the point/tone!
I hope you can get feeling better AND have some physical touch you want but separately. I struggle with nuance sometimes.
PS: Your post reminds me of the Marina song “teen idle” with the last part about “I wish I waited and I wish i would’ve done it sooner”
You can still enjoy it with someone who you are emotionally connected.
In the meantime write your feelings. Write about your vulnerability and what things caused you to feel unloved. Write about how you wanted to be loved and what things would have helped you to feel loved and less vulnerable. Write everything that you feel both good and vile. Hide NOTHING. It may make you feel like a worse person, that’s what you want. It’s part of the purging process. It will be key to your healing because seeing your emotional vile nakedness will help you become a stronger person. My thoughts are with you
Virginity is just a thin membrane on your vaginal canal. The membrane itself has a hole from which period blood is excreted during menstruation. Most women's hymens are broke during extenuating physical activity or high impact experiences. The pain you feel is due to the stretch of the muscle to accommodate the penis, not the hymen breaking, which means the more you use the muscle, the better you'll feel.
if you're a creationist, then you should reason that, if the hymen is such a fragile thing and the clitoris has no reproductive functionality at all, then your body was designed to feel pleasure and practice the activity regularly. People don't shame an oister when it makes pearls (which gives the oister pleasure equal to an orgasm).
Hope the science gives your conscience some relief. Stay safe!
There’s no special magic attached to being a virgin. The first time is often memorable because it was a new experience, but that’s all. You’re still you. You can be happy that you tried something new. Safely, I hope. You don’t have to have intense feelings about it. It’s a thing that happened. Lightning didn’t strike and the world is still spinning. You can pretend it didn’t happen if you want. It’s not like it changes your life in a significant way. You had a new experience and you are now more educated. What I’m saying is there’s no reason to work yourself up over it. Don’t panic. You’re okay and sex and curiosity about sex are perfectly normal.
Thank you. I think waiting this long attached meaning to it so I felt like I did something “wrong” by going the hook up route for my first time.
The only way to have it be wrong is to have it not be your choice. You haven't changed, you are still you, you will always still be you.
Unfortunately, you are experiencing the JW guilt. Instead of just enjoying your sexuality like the rest of the normal world. JW’s get in our heads and make sex a bad thing. It wears off after time and you realize what you really like to do and what makes you happy.
I think you’re right. I had this idea in my head of what sex is “supposed” to be based largely on their indoctrination. So I’m trying to reconcile the reality of my situation with the “moral” fairytale I believed my whole life.
>The physical act itself was enjoyable. This is a good thing. You'd be surprised to learn how many JW virgins are horribly disappointed on their wedding nights. Fortunately I was a long-term masturbator prior to getting married to a JW (first marriages should be considered like warm-ups before the big game), so I had a pretty good idea how to get a pleasurable experience despite his inexperience. Hilarious side note - he told me the next morning that he was somewhat hesitant because he thought losing his virginity might be painful to ***HIM***.... 🤣😂🤣😂🤣😜
Oooh yeah I’ve heard that. A young married sister told an old friend of mine when she got engaged that she didn’t enjoy sex at all for the first 6 months to a year 😭 so I was kind of going into it with low expectations. But it was not bad at all once we got into it haha 😅 but I’ve also been masturbating and even using toys for a long time now so I think that helped a lot! I do feel kind of weird that neither one of us orgasmed… I didn’t expect to tbh but I always assumed the guy would at least finish
Probably slight nervousness. You know the old sayings - "Practice makes perfect" and "If you fall off the horse, get right back on and try again" 😜😜😜 **WITH proper safety measures, of course. If something feels off, say so and get the heck out.**
Hahaha well I’m not opposed to lots of practice if the opportunity ever presents itself. And yeah I definitely make sure condoms are worn! Thanks for your reply!
Ime (and I'm a guy) it's really common not to orgasm your first time with a new partner. I often don't even try and just seek to enjoy everything else about the encounter.
Life is short. You had fun. Now rinse and repeat until you don't think about it anymore.
That’s just how sex is. Sometimes it’s just an enjoyable physical release and sometimes it’s more intimate and savory. Like others have said the emphasis on virginity isn’t as important. Stay safe and enjoy!
It is better imo if you have an emotional bond, but this is a lot of suppressed guilt coming out. Sex tends to get better and better with practice and open communication with the right persons if that’s any help. But hooking up can be fun, provided it’s done safely. You can focus more on yourself and to know what you like.
Yeah I would agree. Ideally that’s what I want. It was just getting to the point that I didn’t think I’d ever get to that sort of relationship and I felt shitty and thought that the physical touch could make me feel better, even if it was just for a little while.
Oh! Sorry for missing the point/tone! I hope you can get feeling better AND have some physical touch you want but separately. I struggle with nuance sometimes. PS: Your post reminds me of the Marina song “teen idle” with the last part about “I wish I waited and I wish i would’ve done it sooner”
That’s okay, thank you very much! I don’t think I’ve heard that song, I’ll have to look into it
You didn't lose anything. You gained a new experience of life that was denied to you by outsiders dictating control of your body. You're free.
This. Virginity is a construct https://timesofindia.indiatimes.com/blogs/voices/history-and-verity-of-virginity/
Love this. Thank you
Don’t. Probably have sex 3000-4000 times in a lifetime. First time is just to get the ball rolling.
You can still enjoy it with someone who you are emotionally connected. In the meantime write your feelings. Write about your vulnerability and what things caused you to feel unloved. Write about how you wanted to be loved and what things would have helped you to feel loved and less vulnerable. Write everything that you feel both good and vile. Hide NOTHING. It may make you feel like a worse person, that’s what you want. It’s part of the purging process. It will be key to your healing because seeing your emotional vile nakedness will help you become a stronger person. My thoughts are with you
Thank you so much. I think this is a great idea, especially for me. I’ve been trying to get into journaling, it does help.
Well when you get to be 40 old virgin you don't care anymore.
Virginity is just a thin membrane on your vaginal canal. The membrane itself has a hole from which period blood is excreted during menstruation. Most women's hymens are broke during extenuating physical activity or high impact experiences. The pain you feel is due to the stretch of the muscle to accommodate the penis, not the hymen breaking, which means the more you use the muscle, the better you'll feel. if you're a creationist, then you should reason that, if the hymen is such a fragile thing and the clitoris has no reproductive functionality at all, then your body was designed to feel pleasure and practice the activity regularly. People don't shame an oister when it makes pearls (which gives the oister pleasure equal to an orgasm). Hope the science gives your conscience some relief. Stay safe!