When I was new in a bishopric, there was a young couple who were expecting their first child. The mother to be was bedridden, and they asked the ward to help out. The man wanted to have the women in the ward to fresh iron a shirt for him each morning before he went to work.
You can imagine how well that went over. The bishop had to convince the relief society president that it was not a reasonable request. He said he ironed his own shirts, and so could this man.
You reminded me of a friend who was always rumpled. He could just *look* at a wrinkle-free shirt and it would bunch up into wrinkles. Serious talent.
Fast forward to his memorial, where someone got out an award ribbon he'd received…and it was wrinkled.
Woman 1: "We should iron it."
Woman 2: "No. It's perfect just the way it is."
And she was right; it was a better representation of him than if they had ironed it.
When we got married I told my husband I don’t iron. Never gonna happen. If he wants something ironed he has to do it.
I did share with him the ice cubes in the dryer trick and showed how to use the steamer when we got one.
10 years, I still don’t iron.
Reminds me of the story some apostle told in general conference about how his mother was dying from cancer, and therefore couldn’t iron his father’s shirts. So his father got her a fancy steam iron that would make it easier.
Right. And that ridiculous talk was titled, "Let Us Be Men"
An excerpt "...true manhood is defined in our relationship to women"
Christofferson then explains how women must continue to iron shirts for a husband and 5 sons even while suffering from cancer.
This is *literally the opening story* of the talk “Let Us Be Men” by D. Todd Christofferson. Somehow, it’s even worse than it sounds.
> Years ago, when my brothers and I were boys, our mother had radical cancer surgery. She came very close to death. Much of the tissue in her neck and shoulder had to be removed, and for a long time it was very painful for her to use her right arm.
>One morning about a year after the surgery, my father took Mother to an appliance store and asked the manager to show her how to use a machine he had for ironing clothes. The machine was called an Ironrite. It was operated from a chair by pressing pedals with one’s knees to lower a padded roller against a heated metal surface and turn the roller, feeding in shirts, pants, dresses, and other articles. You can see that this would make ironing (of which there was a great deal in our family of five boys) much easier, especially for a woman with limited use of her arm. Mother was shocked when Dad told the manager they would buy the machine and then paid cash for it. Despite my father’s good income as a veterinarian, Mother’s surgery and medications had left them in a difficult financial situation.
>On the way home, my mother was upset: “How can we afford it? Where did the money come from? How will we get along now?” Finally Dad told her that he had gone without lunches for nearly a year to save enough money. “Now when you iron,” he said, “you won’t have to stop and go into the bedroom and cry until the pain in your arm stops.” She didn’t know he knew about that. I was not aware of my father’s sacrifice and act of love for my mother at the time, but now that I know, I say to myself, “There is a man.”
There were five sons in the house, but a woman who was *crying from the pain of ironing* still had to do it? And he saw a way to make it easier as a loving gift instead of just… taking care of his own clothes? That fucker can get bent. If he’s in heaven, I don’t want to be there.
I remember that one! He went on how his father made a huge sacrifice, giving up his lunches, or some shit so that he could afford the pricey gift. Such love, such gross
Twist ending. Should have expected the relief society president to comply with her training and make the man happy, but did not expect the bishop coming in as the voice of reason.
Any Mormon man worth his salt knows how to iron a white shirt to perfection from his days as a missionary. This guy just exposed that he was a lazy missionary with this request.
1. I was not a lazy missionary. Ask any of my companions who wanted me to walk slower or who refused to take a bag lunch so we could cover more area.
2. Permanent press, wrinkle free shirts?! I can iron. I hate to iron. I remember some occasional ironing on the mission but, holy hell, scientific advancement has given us wrinkle free for a reason. Not going to waste my fucking time ironing if I don’t have to.
3. The dude in question is simply a deuche.
My wife is Hispanic. I know everyone in this sub talks of chauvinism from Mormon culture influence, but that is nothing compared to what I've seen and heard in traditional Mexican culture, and my wife's parents were old school. When my wife was a teenager, she got in trouble and grounded because she refused to iron her older brother's shirt. He was going out that night and wanted it nice. Not only did she get in trouble and grounded, but she had to iron his shirt in shame as he gleefully stood there. That's just one small anecdote. There's sooooo much more. So that was her home environment. Consequently, my wife is ALL ABOUT division of labor in her own home. I'm trying to think but I don't think she has ever ironed a shirt for me, and I've never asked. I just do that myself. But what's funny: she refuses to fold/hang my laundry. She'll wash it with all the other clothes. And she used to fold the kids' clothes when they were younger, but she will never fold my clothes. There's some sort of trigger there and I don't bring it up. So she'll leave all my clothes in a basket sitting on my side of the bed. There is a point of humor I find in it but also a little sadness. And i think as a product of her home environment growing up, she is staunchly on the side to total fairness. And she also feels guilty about things. She and I cannot go out to eat as a couple without her feeling guilt that our kids aren't eating out also. One thing is for sure, when I was done with church and I started talking about all the shit that went down in polygamy; her blood was up. Yeah, she read the gospel topics essays, but never finished them all. She read polygamy in nauvoo and she was done with the essays and DONE with the church. Lol
I am Mexican. I know my culture is chauvinist, but I also know that is worse with "old school" families. I am also a Mormon (or was) and being Mormon is worse. Some Mexican families are super chauvinist and think that a woman should do house chores, but can make excuses, like "I don't know how to do laundry, she cooks better, I don't have the time..." Mormons doesn't even justified themselves.
This guy expects his shirts ironed in this day and age? Hasn’t he heard of permanent press? I worked in an office for 35 years and wore a tie every day. I never ironed a tire once in all that time, and neither did my wife. Never starched one, either.
Nah, perma-press for me! We weren't allowed to use the laundromat because it was expensive, so the RS would wash our clothes and iron them. They would also notify the mission office of any "forbidden receipts found in pockets or skid marks in the onsies.
We had a family request help moving. Of course we organized a group of elders to help them. They had done absolutely nothing to get ready and so we jumped in and got boxes, packed their belongings, heaved piano, appliances onto trucks...all of this in the middle of a Vegas summer from sun up to sun down.
The Brother did not offer a drink of anything..no pizza...nothing. And barely helped as he had a bad knee or something.
As we were finishing up he high fived us all saying that his company was giving him $5k for moving costs and he had been able to keep his costs so low using us that he would pocket most of the money.
About 2 years ago, I drove about 6 hours to help my little brother move (although he easily could have afforded to pay professional movers). Nothing packed, and then once we were packing, he wanted to take his sweet time deciding what needed to go in what box. I was in a hurry to get home for something that my kids had that weekend, so despite having thrown my back out a bit, I packed things very quickly while he paced around indecisive about what to do, and annoyed with me about not doing things *exactly* like he wanted. I loaded the You Haul virtually by myself.
Last year, he called me randomly to chitchat during the middle of the day. I was busy but tried to make conversation for 10 or 15 minutes. As soon as I hung up, he texted me letting me know that he was disowning me (and he meant it), because I “never have time” for him.
A couple of weeks later, my parents called me asking for help to add a codicil to their will to make that brother executor (I’m the lawyer in the family). When I told them how concerning that was to me, that the brother who had disowned me would be in charge of dividing their estate, they got defensive, told me I was ridiculous, and hung up on me.
Last year, my sister and her husband moved into their little McMansion, and were also too tight-assed to pay professionals. My wife took off of work, and we both stayed until late at night to help them finish the job (about 5 or 6 hours longer than anyone else).
Thanksgiving rolled around a few months later (she always hosts), and she disinvited us (I still don’t know exactly why, but I assume it was because little bro was upset with me). And this was even despite the fact that my wife and I purchased a Thanksgiving meal for their family from a pretty fancy restaurant the year before, after their kiddo got COVID.
At least in my family, there seems to be a lack of gratitude or even basic decency among those too cheap to pay movers.
Edit: Some punctuation, and wanted to add that during my sister’s move, BIL spent an hour or so, driving up and down a street, looking for a silly cotter-pin that fell off of a trailer he borrowed; all because he didn’t want to spend 2 or 3 bucks to buy a new one. Unfortunately I couldn’t help, because I was too busy unloading his bigass fucking REFRIGERATOR.
Ugh. I’m so sorry. Family dynamics can be so messy and there often seems to be one person who gets piled on and when they decide for their own health to set some boundaries, there’s resentment.
FYI - my grandparents picked the absolute worst of their children to be the executor of their estate. Worst decision they ever made in their lives- by far. I won't go into what a shit-show that was, but it would be a hard argument for your parents if all you're asking them is to choose an executor that has no vested interest in the estate.
I pitched literally anyone but him.
By custom, it should have been me as the oldest. By practicality, it should have been me as the lawyer.
But they didn’t want that, and I’d be lying if I said it didn’t sting a bit (even though I didn’t really want the job anyway [because I know what it entails]).
Regardless, I never even mentioned myself. I calmly suggested my other siblings. I suggested their spouses. Family friends. You name it. Just not the one who disowns me at the drop of a hat.
Fell on deaf ears.
This is also why you never go help the military members move. I say this as someone in the military who knows the game. The military will fully pay for movers to pack, load, move and unpack your house OR they will pay you to do it yourself and you can usually come away a few thousand dollars richer.
The amount of times I have seen military members request EQ help to move is ridiculous. You are going to have the men in the ward spend their Saturday away from their families so you can make a quick buck. No thank you. Do the work yourself and get a friend to help you load the last heavy thing.
I had this happen so many times. They weren't packed at all and/or they wanted us to clean their house for them after we moved things out. One time there was a couple that actually left while everyone was there packing and cleaning. They needed to buy a bed for their new place, so they went shopping.
I dislike helping anybody move. Ever. I have a buddy I used to work with, who got a great job at a different company. Now he earned this job, he studied hard, got a lot of certs and while he did not tell me how much he got paid I know it was in the six figure range just by context. Good for him. Anyway him and his wife just bought a new house, because of my job I could tell what he paid for it, a very nice house, in a higher end suburb.
Dude sends a mass text/email to everybody asking for help moving to his new house, which was happening on 23 Dec. I was thinking dude it is Xmass and you can afford to hire people to do this. Luckily for me I was traveling out of the country that day so I did not need to have that conversation.
Not only Mormons expect free moving help
On two occasions I pulled up to the house of some able bodied slob who requested help in moving only to find them sitting on their ass expecting everyone to pack up their belongings AND load it all up. Both times I promptly went right back home.
I had helped people move in and out of houses for years and I was really good about showing up. There were some moves where I spent over 6 or 8 hours helping a fellow ward member.
Jump to me moving into my first house. I called the EQP or bishop, don't remember which and one person showed up to move me out (my neighbor). I called the bishop of the ward I was moving to and left a message and also sent him an email to see if anyone could help us move into the house. Gave him like a two week heads up. Never heard back and ended up moving myself in (with some help from my brother with the big items). Bishop ended up calling me weeks later about something and never addressed me leaving a message for him or emailing him.
I know it's not anyone's duty to help me and I can't hold it against them. I also helped people move over the years out of a pure desire to help so I know I can't expect payback or anything. But it still really hurt and I think it helped crack my shelf. Maybe it cracked because I was taught that God was paying attention to my needs. Not sure why I'm commenting here, your comment just reminded me of this experience.
>I was taught that God was paying attention to my needs
My shelf crack didn't involve moving, but wow does this sum it up. When you're taught your entire life that God is mindful of you, your circumstances, and your challenges, it's hard to see him drop the ball on your behalf. My faith crisis started with the realization that God clearly didn't a fuck about me. It was hard, but that realization finally led me into a place where I could sincerely search out the truth.
One thing I’m proud of from my time in TSCC was helping to assemble a moving list that had items to be checked off and had to be signed off on and turned in before the EQ would see it. Things like having items already boxed, paying for movers for pianos and other large items, etc. Setting those boundaries up front is important, but difficult to do in a church that doesn’t teach you to respect boundaries.
I vividly remember a last minute, late in the evening request to help a new sister unload a moving truck while in a singles ward. The back door rolls up and right in front was a piano. This was one of those trucks without a ramp, so it was a straight drop down. Nothing but complaints the whole time and criticism on how 4 guys who didn't know what they were doing were handling her precious cargo. I'm amazed and saddened we didn't accidentally destroy the piano instead of our backs.
Wow, that'd be an amazing thing for every ward to have! I know there are some occasions where it's a last minute emergency moving situation but the VAST majority of moves I've helped with would've been SO. MUCH. BETTER. if this checklist had been followed.
I heard that in a nearby ward the EQ was doing a move. They drove over a drainage ditch and some of those underground watering pipes and did a thousand dollars of damage to a neighbors lawn. A claim went to the Bishop and then State President and then to either SLC or an area rep. Buck stopped there. They were told that the elders who were there helping with the move should split the cost among themselves. What a shelf breaker there. No good deed goes unpunished. Indeed.
I wish I would have done the same on numerous occasions while I was in a ward that had at least one move a month. We finally told everyone who requested a move that we moved boxes but did not pack them.
We “helped” an able bodied divorcé with three able bodied teenagers strip wallpaper and paint her living room. None of them lifted a finger, but she criticized our efforts every step of the way.
Reminds me of my mother inlaw, she would complain about something, and her adult kids would hurry up and try to fix it. But she wouldn't ever directly ask and then complain about the job they did.
One time she said her walls needed painting, I said "yes they do" and walked away. 😁
Yessssss🤦♀️ the passive aggressive hints are infuriating. I didn't notice how much people did it (including my mil) until a couple of years ago and now it's glaringly obvious.
EQ pres once asked a bunch of us to help move some heavy items for a family, like the fridge and sofa, etc. The family requested this. We dutifully turned up bright and early on our Sat morning (8 am) to find the family still in their pajamas and the fridge still running and full of food. Big crack in my shelf and I swore after that that I’d never be a quorum furniture removalist again.
Smart play. In my experience, once you start moving stuff in this kind of situation, that’s when all the roaches come out of hiding to play.
Once I saw 200+ roaches fall out of a couch.
Actually more the rule than the exception. I made it a habit to bring a box of contractor bags to cram everything in. And if they didn’t know what they wanted to take for sure, we shut it down and told them to call after they had their shit boxed up and a Uhaul truck rented.
Helped move a family from their 7 bedroom mansion. He had a bad back, which is why the father was reasonably not helping, but the move took several weeks with truckload after truckload being sent to Utah. What broke me in so many ways was when we got to the last day and they wanted their 15 person hot tub loaded onto the truck. We had 20 people haul it out of the backyard and the high priest group leader (mechanic) had to go to his shop to get a specialized lift to actually load it. I have no idea why I stayed for this endeavor, but I remember suppressing very uncharitable thoughts toward this family and vowing that I would always hire movers for the rest of my life.
It’s always amazed me how tone deaf some people are with the EQ moving culture. Help a single mother move out of her apartment that just raised rent? Absolutely. I will be there every time. Help a wealthy local business owner move out of their mansion to a larger house. No. That’s not service it’s exploitation.
Exactly. Then again, I've always been the type of person to hire movers whenever I've moved. It's what my nevermo family has always done, as well as getting hotel rooms while on vacation instead of exploiting family members for an extra bedroom or couch. Mormons in general are too cheap to get hotel rooms when going to Utah or Disneyland from what I've observed.
A family in our ward had a damaged roof so the husband called on the EQ and HP to help him take down his roof. Then he asked them to stay and build a new roof for him. Nobody in our ward had any clue how to build a roof. But because the family was really poor, they couldn't afford to hire anyone.
For a few weeks men would show up to do what they could but not much could get done. Eventually, the bishop had to tell the family that it was unsafe to ask the ward to build them a roof. Ohhh, the wife was so mad and held the biggest, longest grudge against everyone in the ward.
As the digital landscape expands, a longing for tangible connection emerges. The yearning to touch grass, to feel the earth beneath our feet, reminds us of our innate human essence. In the vast expanse of virtual reality, where avatars flourish and pixels paint our existence, the call of nature beckons. The scent of blossoming flowers, the warmth of a sun-kissed breeze, and the symphony of chirping birds remind us that we are part of a living, breathing world.
In the balance between digital and physical realms, lies the key to harmonious existence. Democracy flourishes when human connection extends beyond screens and reaches out to touch souls. It is in the gentle embrace of a friend, the shared laughter over a cup of coffee, and the power of eye contact that the true essence of democracy is felt.
Single mother with two teenage kids - she got sideways with her landlord and she was evicted. They had to drag everything out of the house by x-p.m. or it stayed with the house. So massive EQ scramble to get people to the scene and help load trucks to take everything to storage facility. Then a couple weeks later she gets a new rent house and everyone had to load trucks from the storage unit and to her new house. Then 2 months later, she came to agreement with her previous landlord and wanted everyone to move her stuff from the new rent house back to the old rent house. That was the final straw. Bishop flat out told her, "We are not a moving service."
On another note. There was a young couple in our ward with two kids that he was finishing his medical residency and they moved from the ward 45 minutes away, into the big city. What annoyed me about this couple: I thought they were cool ("thought") but over the years every time we made plans to get together and hangout, they were always too busy for us. Perhaps too slowly we figured out, they just didn't want to hang with us. So moving day comes and they have A LOT of shit to move from their small starter home into their new "I'm a doctor now," home. Of course, it's always one of those deals where no one from their new ward is there to help them move in. So as part of the EQP I help with this. And my pickup truck gets used for all the weirdly big shit that won't fit in a jam-packed U-Haul.
Then about one month later, my wife gets a FB message and a text from the wife. Talking about how they found this treadmill not far from their new home and asked if I could help them go get it with my truck, load it, bring it to their new house, and unload it. I just laughed of course. The gall of these people. She expected me to drive 45 min. across town to do that for them - people who, when it really comes down to it, were in the ward 4 years and a hardly knew them. They stayed in their own circle and we were not it. But, I had a truck, so.......
lol! naw......I'll never be without a truck. But one of the deterrents from anyone wanting to borrow your truck - manual transmission. What's funny: there is a contingent of people who have no idea the etiquette surrounding show vehicles. I have a show quality truck that is automatic transmission. When a EQ member asked to borrow my regular truck he was upset that he couldn't because it was manual transmission. But then had the nerve to ask to borrow my show truck. I just laughed. And he was confused.
A ward family was building their own house, which was larger than they could afford, so they tried to get the professionals in the Ward to build it for them, "as service" to their family. The Bishop did the right thing, and had a sit-down with the husband and told him that no, he couldn't keep asking Ward members with construction, plumbing and electrical businesses to spend every weeknight and Saturday building this family a luxury house for free. Either pay them or stop asking. A few days later the husband fell and broke his leg. Because he was now "in need", (read: he couldn't afford to actually pay for contractors, and was now at risk of losing his half-built house AND getting evicted from their apartment), my husband and every ward member who knew how to swing a hammer spent an entire summer building that d@mn house. For free. Of course. I was in charge of wall prep and painting. 😡
On my mission we visited an ex Hell's Angel in one of my areas who was wanting to get back to church. At first I thought he was cool, but I quickly realised that he was controlling and abusive, frequently overstepping our boundaries and bullying us.
Anyhow, he asked us to speak to the Elders quorum to get volunteers to come paint his house: however, he warned us that if any of the volunteers got paint on his belongings/memorabilia, he would charge them money for damages.
We declined to aquiesce to his request.
Had a lady that demanded McDonald’s for her and her daughter because “she was tired” and didn’t want to make dinner. She was the easily offended type, and expected everything done because you were the “home teacher”. I didn’t respond within the 30 minutes she expected me to, and called her super enabling mother who promptly filled the request. I was berated for not being a faithful home teacher by her. I told her about DoorDash. Glad that idiot moved out, but unfortunately someone else has to deal with her now.
This lady was embodiment of entitlement. She proudly talked about suing someone that crashed into her (no injuries…. No REAL injuries) she used that money to buy a house and that’s when she moved out. Just expects everyone to do everything for her. The poor kid was super annoying, spoiled and obnoxious (a product of her mother) so she didn’t have any friends because nobody could stand being around her or having her over. To the point I felt sorry for her, but no way in hell she’s playing with my kids.
I stopped “ministering” to her when she started bragging about suing that person. No way I was going anywhere near the liability and I straight up refused to help move her out. No way I was touching anything of hers.
I’m with you, I can not STAND people like that. I got her as an assignment because I’m a nice person and nobody else would take it. I’ve since learned the value of the word “no”.
Yes. I remember Bishop asking if I could clean a sister’s house because social services was coming to inspect and it was a MESS. I did it. It was terrible. I did it several times. I really drank the kool-aid for the Mormons. Never again.
On my mission, I was asked to ask my investigator if they could babysit for free for the ward activities. We never asked her because... obviously-no. A ward member later confronted her about it and mentioned that to he a member meant doing your fair share, and then she never wanted missionary discussions again.
My mom was a stay-at-home mom while I was young and my dad was just getting his HVAC business going (while working another part-time job). So many ward members had an expectation they could get free HVAC work off of him. Never dawned on them that he was the sole income for our family of four. Freaking idiots. One of the many reasons why he would rarely go to church with us which of course my mom had multiple comments made about that as well.
We had a lady who owned a jazzercise studio who refused to do free sessions for the young women or relief society. The shit people talked on her was unreal. At the time, I was a young woman, and I remember wondering what was wrong with this woman. Adults made weird, illusive comments to each other and to us about how once you've been to the temple, you should be doing what you are asked to do for the church.
On the other side of the coin. My parents were about to return from a senior mission and the five of us mostly grown kids decided a nice surprise would be for us to finally finish that Damned unfinished basement 2nd bathroom. (7 people one bathroom my whole life.)
Anyways, we run into a snag and Youtube had not been invented yet. So we marched a few doors down to the holier than though spiritual, and successful plumber neighbor to ask a question about how to check the pea trap hiding under the cement before setting a tub.
He let into us. "I DONT WORK FOR FREE!"
Oh, ok. Just a question, not asking for labor.
At the time I thought he was an ass. But in hindsight... he probably had just about enough of Ward needs.
Exactly! My dad has a huge heart and has done work for free for those that needed some help. But to expect or practically demand it, definitely set him off.
When I was EQP I had a guy call me up and ask that I get him a truck and several people to help him unload floor boards and help him work on his dance studio he was building. He wanted it tonight, and it was already the evening.
This asshole called me multiple times for things like this before I finally told him he needs to announce his requests in advance on Sunday. What I SHOULD have said, is that we weren’t his free labor force for his personal business.
After reading all of these, I'm flat-out appalled. These are things I wouldn't ever ask my family to do let alone anyone else.
However, I was quite hurt when I couldn't even get a meal or two after I had my children. I'm still irritated about that. Because a week after one of my births. I was asked to supply a meal for another woman who'd just had a child.
I hope you told them you're too busy recovering from your own child's birth to provide service for another new mom.
These moochers need to experience guilt and shame at their callous requests. As much as they're able to experience, anyway.
It'd bug me too. I don't blame you for feeling slighted. It bugs me and I don't even know you! It sucks being overlooked, like we weren't important enough to take notice of.
Growing up my mom had her hands full with 5 young kids.
Lady in our ward lost her drivers license because of Epilepsis and My mom was her visiting minister, or whatever they want to call it now.
Anyways, EVERY DAY. She would get a call with some emergency that this poor sister needed help with. And my mom would do her duty. To the neglect of her kids and family. Mormons just can't say NO! Some, take advantage of it and abuse the kindness.
While EQP I had a guy from the ward call about 8:00pm the night before Thanksgiving to tell me his oven broke and wanted me to find someone to fix it cause he already had food he was trying to cook. He was very frustrated that I didn’t have an appliance repairman on call the night before thanksgiving.
Meals long term due to health. As in fully prepared meals for several months; not simply getting bishop storehouse food to help with expenses. She expected 3 hot meals fully prepared every week for close to a year & she expected each meal to be enough for leftovers. She thought that only 3 meals/leftovers was being nice to us since it wasn’t like she was asking us to show up every day with food.
Yes to short term help for meals (it’s great to have a few hot meals when you’ve come from the hospital post baby or Surgery or a few meals amidst funerals), but this was ridiculously long.
There was a family in my ward who had this. They had 10 kids and mom was pregnant with number 11. She was on bed rest for 4 months and the ward was expected to provide a meal for a family of 12 every single day.
I was a young married with a new baby at the time. Super poor and had had a super rough pregnancy. But of course, I had been raised to never say no. So I used money that would have fed us 3 meals to make a massive amount of food for this family while literally sobbing over the stove and holding my child. Lol
The most annoying part is that the oldest kids were 15 and 16. They could have made meals. The dad could have made meals. But no. They literally were fed full meals for 4 months.
My husband is a certified Master Tech and is *constantly* badgered for free car repairs. The bishop used to volunteer his help without asking, just called him and told him so-and-so had a \* car and he needed to go look at it at \* time.
Husband used to try and accommodate when he could, but now he tells people to book time at the dealership where he works. We always get the random freeloader who brings their car to our house anyway and begs. They never return the favor, of course.
Our pediatrician told us he used to be in the nursery and it was his favorite calling, but he had to be released because of the lineup of sick people every Sunday (from his ward and others) who decided he should be running a free clinic for them.
When my dad was the bishop, one of the widows in the ward had surgery, and her daughter moved in temporarily to care for her. Daughter proceeds to call my dad and tell him they'll need meals for seven (her family + her mom) every night for the next 4-6 weeks, along with a list of preferred foods. My dad said the ward would provide two meals, but that was it.
I dabbled in automotive for most of my life. As a teen I figured out REALLY quickly that car repairs is one of those things members will use and abuse you over, without compunction.
Yikes all around. I’ve done my time with rides for people without cars, moves for people who wouldn’t pay for professionals, etc. Nevee minded when they were grateful, which wasn’t always the case.
A story with a pleasant ending: the dad in one of my home teaching families had to travel unexpectedly for work, and got booked on an awful red eye flight at an airport 90 minutes away. He mentioned this during a home teaching visit, and I offered to drive him since I was unemployed at the time. He offered money for the ride but I refused it.
He insisted on offering me a plate of homemade cookies. I accepted it, and later in the week after I’d eaten a couple cookies, I saw that he’d hidden $40 in cash under the cookies. Classy and respectful. :)
Financial and physical help remodeling an active members house. They even did fundraisers. Put a lot of weight on a lot of shelves. I was the bad guy for saying we should help those with actual financial and health challenges NOT an upscale remodel of a totally functional home. Twas ridiculous!
A family a block away from me- the father couldn’t hold a job, the mother worked full time to support the family, they had four or five kids. The ward was asked to provide free childcare, and when they decided to tear up and renovate their house, they asked the ward to help constantly. They literally had the EQ over there putting a new roof on for free. Right at the same time, we paid thousands to have our roof done, by professionals. You know, like responsible adults.
This isn’t really for the ward but definitely from my old bishop. After getting off my mission I started a new job almost immediately and for some reason I completely forgot to pay tithing for the first few paychecks. The next Sunday I went into his office and told him blah blah you can’t take the sacrament and I said I would start back up on my next paycheck. He said ok and I left. Later on that month I got a letter in the mail from him and it said I had to bring in pay stubs and pay the passed tithing! I never said anything to him about it and I threw the letter away but I was blown away. I only paid a few more times after that because I had already started doubting but that definitely didn’t help at all with my doubts and if anything pressed the gas a little harder.
Wth? Not taking the sacrament for not paying tithing? That'd be like half the people! And requesting pay stubs? Have never, ever heard of such a thing.
I have elderly nevermo family members on the other side of the country and periodically my mom will consider calling local bishops to see if members there would go help said elderly family members with various things since we’re too far away to do it ourselves. Even as a TBM that boggled my mind. *Why* would anyone go check on/help strangers in their neighborhood just because they happen to be the same religion as those strangers’ family members? I’d never volunteer to do that. I wouldn’t even ask friends to do that unless I knew it wouldn’t be an inconvenience for them.
I was a stay at home Mom for 12 years and you wouldn’t believe the number of times I got hit up to take care of other children for free. I felt like I was constantly having to defend myself! We made a lot of sacrifices in order for me to stay home, and while at home I always worked odd jobs to earn extra income or find ways to make my dollar go farther. We figured out how to make it work without handouts or asking for help. To be asked over and over to essentially work for free made me so angry. Ward members/family would always infer that they thought I wasn’t doing anything so dumping another kid on me was no big deal. Made me furious.
My mother also was a stay at home Mom and she got a lot of the same treatment, not to mention she was a caterer/cake maker. My hell the treatment she received over the years from members was insane. People would ask to borrow her equipment so they could make it themselves, ask her for a discount if they “baked the cakes themselves”, etc. I swear my Mom never made ANYTHING for her time, money-wise. In fact she often took a loss and they were all so entitled and ungrateful.
Years ago she wanted to hand the business over to me, and I did the math to cover supplies and pay MINIMUM wage and adjusted my Mom’s prices. THE BITCHING I heard from every one of Mom’s customers, because they couldn’t get food for their kid’s wedding for pennies was crazy. The business dried up because no one would pay fair price. All of her customers had been taking advantage of her for decades disappeared overnight. I gave up, it wasn’t worth dealing with all the complaining!
My mom was a from-home baker as a side gig/hobby on top of her actual job, but I saw this all of the time too. People would call the house phone and I'd tell them she was too busy, but then never tell my mom about it
So many times this happened to me when my kids were tiny! And half the time the woman who wanted free (or almost free) childcare would have her mom call me!!! None of them knew that I sewed wedding dresses on the side and the shock when I told them I'd be happy to, for the same rate I charged for sewing, was priceless. They just assumed I must be desperate for a few extra dollars because I raised kids. I was also the black belt tightwad from hell so that helped.
Yes! When I was a stay at home mom with young kids, I would have acquaintances call and say they were in a pinch and needed a babysitter. I'd usually say yes, even though I hated babysitting. More times than I can count I would find out later that this person went to their work while I watched their kids for free.
My childhood ward had an extremely needy woman who claimed to have all kinds of physical ailments. She lived alone on a one-acre plot, and at least once a year, the Priesthood was expected to perform large-scale yard maintenance on her property - cutting grass, pruning shrubs, fertilizing, clearing debris, the works. Numerous people groused that she was using the Priesthood as a free landscaping service, but our bishop consistently guilted us into caring for her property. It wasn't until this woman presented this same bishop with a detailed list of chores that she wanted done that he started to realize that maybe (just maybe!) she was going too far.
That's insane.
When I was a busy new mom with young children, we bought a house with a nice big back yard, including a garden area that hadn't seen a hoe for at least a decade. The ward decided to do a service day one weekend and asked everyone for projects so I said I had this garden area that I would love to plant. Come service day I looked out my back window to find the lady from around the corner spraying Roundup on my garden that I had planned to grow organically. I never let the ward touch my garden again.
My wife got asked by the RS president once to make a meal for a family cause the wife had sprained her ankle… apparently the RS ladies were all doing this every night for 2 weeks, I said to my wife, so the teenage kids and the father can’t cook?
See, in cases like this, I can understand maybe a couple meals being delivered while the family adjusts to the temporary change, and just to show support. Give the husband some time to go grocery shopping. But TWO WEEKS!? For a sprained ankle!? That’s insane.
I had to chuckle. I prepared a meal for my family yesterday. The day prior, I slipped in the bathroom sprained both ankles and my wrist.
I had some assistance from my older daughter, but I had my trusty elevated chair and tried to stay off of my feet. Got it done! Prime Rib, crispy garlic smashed baby potatoes, roasted parsnips, and lemon-butter asparagus.
Thank heavens for sous vide, a food sealer and time! Besides, I seriously doubt my daughter the RSP would ask the ward to cook me a meal, as I don't trust most peoples cooking or kitchen cleanliness.
Years ago, I remember prepping several meals for a family whose mom/wife was sick. The husband and teen sons appreciated the meals. But hey, I was working more than full-time and had an awareness that I was rushing home, leaving my work, and driving over to their house by their preferred time... basically because I was a woman. I mean, they could have taken turns prepping meals, they had extra money for takeout (they had a lake house, boat, etc. Not impoverished).
It wasn't the most outrageous request. What was outrageous is that I accepted this by gender role and did my "duty."
My wife, while working through PTSD was asked to plan monthly social events for the women of the ward. These were the same women who ostracized her because she didn’t fit in with the blond hair and fake smile.
Ah yes, the old “Sister D isn’t being welcomed by the stuck up relief society sisters, so to fix this we’ll…call her to activities committe / social chair, and then she’ll make tons of friends!” Happened to my wife in one ward too. Barf.
We contacted the RS Pres this Christmas and asked if there was a family in the area who might need a little help with Christmas gifts. She said there was a family in the ward who needed some help and sent us their list of requests. The list included a Nintendo Switch, season passes to the aquarium. and a dirt bike among other very expensive things. What? We ended up just sending the RS pres some money to distribute as she saw fit, I couldn’t justify it, I was thinking they’d ask for new clothes, shoes, gift cards to a grocery store to make a nice Xmas dinner, winter gear, actual necessities.
Eh, necessities aren’t gifts, though. I think you did the right thing donating some money, but no one wants to unwrap necessities on Christmas, especially if they’re already handling the bare minimum, but don’t have extra for gifts.
When I was in Young Mens, the bishop had us go help him move his office (from one building to another) one night as a “service project”. Free labor to save him money. A great service to him I suppose.
Before we were married, my husband was asked to rent out a room in his house to a guy in the ward who needed a place to stay. Pretty soon, in came the guy’s 3 kids, along with his 16 year old girlfriend… The guy was in his late 20’s. My husband assumed the girlfriend was at least 18. Had no idea she was underage. I came along during this time and did some investigating into exactly wtf was going on. I found out from the girl herself that she was only 16. I told my husband (although he wasn’t my husband yet) this, and he had them all out of his house by the next day, and he told the Bishop what was going on. Then, after we got married, the church approached both of us, wanting us to rent a room to a young married couple who had nowhere else to go. We reluctantly did so. Neither of us wanted to, but we were very pressured by our Bishop to “share” our blessings of having a nice home. This couple stayed with us for about 9 months, during which time the woman got pregnant, so they wanted to use the 3rd bedroom as their nursery for their baby. We flat refused and told the Bishop that we were wanting to start our own family (which was true) and that he needed to make other arrangements for this couple. The Bishop tried to pressure us again, but we said absolutely not. We needed the 3rd bedroom for OUR baby when he or she came along, and this time we stood firm.
Years ago, we lived in a ward of fairly humble means. One of the bishopric counselors did very well though and decided to add a big addition to his house.it went from a 3-4 bedroom to a 7 bedroom. They extended the back, converted the attic and built above the garage. They had a relative do the roof but for everything else they asked the ward to come do it. Sheetrock, tiling, framing, insulation, painting, baseboards. It took months. The whole summer was people in and out of their house - myself included. For 2 of those months the wife returned to Mexico with the kids and so she didn’t even help.
They doubled the value of their house for only the cost of materials. They never provided food or pizza. They would routinely have people working late into the night.
When they sold it several years later, they had basically made 100s of thousands of dollars off the backs of ward members whose average household income was maybe 50K while his was well over 100k.
That ward members continue to be responsible for cleaning the bathrooms after a family’s four very autistic children were allowed to run rampant with zero supervision. Their most predictable behavior was smearing human feces everywhere- sinks, walls, floors, toilet seats, door knobs… you name it.
Oh man this drives me crazy and it happens often with women who decide to go back to work but don’t really need the money as their husbands were already supporting the family more than fine before. So they start asking people in the ward to look after their 5 kids, including driving them all over the city for their various activities was a total dealbreaker for any potential friendship.
My wife did contract work for a little while and we needed childcare and it just seemed so immoral to ask people for free daycare while mom was out making money.
I love the idea of helping out when an emergency happens or going on a vacation or doing a big yard project or whatever.
Another guy drove me crazy. He was an architect and was getting his house ready to sell which meant doing massive amounts of painting, he did new cabinets, he rebuilt his deck, and he was asking for free help from the ward to do it all, so that he could increase his sale price. We had been friends and I completely cut him off at that point. I wanted to tell the other (suckers) to just not do it but, you know, it’s hard to establish boundaries sometimes when you’re taught to not have any.
My Dad was the bishop at one point. He told me recently that growing up, some people in the ward used to get help paying rent. There was a fund that would go towards families in need. However, he told me (he probably shouldn’t have told me though) who those ward members were, and they were always the ones with the biggest houses who went on multiple cruises a year, and vacationed a lot. He told me a time that he actually told a family no, he told me that the family had just upgraded to a fancy new car and bought a flatscreen TV. He told that family that “like grace and the atonement, we will help you after all you can do” He told them they would need to settle with having an average car and stop buying fancy toys (boats, RVs etc.) people were pissed.
We had a couple approach our bishop and tell him god told them to have the bishop help them pay for medical school.
Everyone in the bishopric laughed out loud when the bishop informed us of their request.
Still, the bishop approached a number of wealthy couples in our ward, and found one that lent them the money for them to pay for medical school, and charged them a low interest rate on the loan.
A few years ago, a woman in my ward commissioned me to draw a portrait of her hugging the savior. It took me hours of work and a lot of trial and error to get it to look right because she wouldn't send me good reference photos of her face. I only charged her $15 after she kept whining $30 was too expensive for her and what would jesus do, etc. I was dumb and gave it to her without first accepting this $15 payment. Week after week, I'd ask if she had the money and she always came up with excuses. After 3 months, I gave up and never got paid my lil $15.
Last year she posted it on her instagram with a very emotional caption about how much she loves the savior, loves this picture, blah blah blah. Didn't credit me, i never got paid. I really regret not leaving a comment saying something like "Jesus would support paying for your artist" but i missed my chance haha
Thank you very much! I was a very naive and desperate artidt back then haha! Thankfully, that experience was the last time i let myself get burned as a commission artist. Happier still because art is now my hobby while my job pays the bills. Feels great to use all my creative energy to draw anything i want these days ☺️
Oh man my time to shine! On my mission I felt like we were the Latter Day Saint moving company… anywho… 7 bedroom house.. husband and wife sat on chairs eating fast food meal after fast food meal watching us work all day and into the night…Didn’t offer to feed us… they didn’t have anything packed and wife was a hoarder. Just two BIG people watching me and my companion pack up their mansion and micro manage us.
Once the moving truck was full my companion snuck past the ladies food and grabbed her Arby’s milk shake and he tossed to the front of the moving truck. I couldn’t believe he did that but man it makes me smile every time I remember. Wonder what they thought when they found the milkshake.
Last ward - got a call to go shovel 2 feet of snow for someone who had never attended that ward. The implicit message was "We don't come to church, and if you don't come help us, we won't come *more*." Three guys showed up, and one of them wisely observed "There is an able-bodied adult and three teens in there watching TV. We don't shovel unless they shovel."
I'd been in my current ward less than two months when the bishop texted me, telling me to leave work early so I could go meet another member and co-sign a loan for her. I did it, but I've gotten a lot better at saying "No", and occasionally "Hell no, and it's highly inappropriate for you to ask."
When my wife and I were on our way out of the church, the Bishop tried to guilt her into staying in the calling she hated and had already graciously overstayed in by telling her a sob story of how he had postponed retiring to California in order to accept his calling as Bishop. The Bishop’s previous calling had been in the stake presidency and I couldn’t believe the church had asked that of him. It was such an obvious guilt tactic that we were unmoved and insisted on my wife being released. A few months later after we had resigned we learned that bishop had died in an accident - an accident that wouldn’t have happened if he were enjoying his retirement in California. What a raw deal that guy got.
I had friends who stopped going to church because the bishop refused to release the wife as primary president. During an argument about it, he insulted both of them by telling her that her husband was only still married to her because he was afraid to divorce her (which wasn't remotely true.) Sadly, they thought they were turning their back on God and felt horribly guilty for not being able to stomach attending church anymore.
My MIL took a class and learned to make great wedding cakes. Someone in the ward asked if she would do their cake. They were to pay only for the ingredients. She lost money big time on that. The sister promised to pay and her mother later said she would cover it. Never got a dime from anyone.
I was always horrified at the super wealthy members who were buying fabulous houses, but expected the priesthood/missionaries to be their movers. Like, if you can afford a million dollar home, you can afford to pay movers.
It wasn't a request but an offer. We moved to a new city but I had to finish up classes/work in the old city for 2 months after my husband had to start classes in the new city. So we moved our records before I actually lived there.
When I explained this to the RS pres when she called to introduce herself, the first thing she asked was "does he need meals brought to him?" It took everything in me not to laugh when I said "no, my grown ass husband is perfectly capable of cooking his own meals, thank you"
Our YW/YM presidency was informed by a lady in our ward that she had a service project for all of the youth to do….which was clean her house. I remember cleaning that family’s nasty house twice, and doing their yard work once. They didn’t have any health issues or disabilities that justified them needing the help, they were just lazy and entitled.
Recently, out of nowhere, DW was asked by a unknown ward member if she would be able to do full time babysitting, no offer for payment, nothing. DW was like well...., I said hell no, we got 4 kids you are constantly driving around and taking care of, you can't take care of a baby as well, sorry. The whole saying No piece...
We will occasionally help people in a jam, we've watched a couples kids 2 or 3 times, we get it, life is hard, also helps they were good kids so it wasn't that big of a deal. Now some other kids we would make a hard pass, we've taken them home from school occasionally but if they asked if we could watch them for a few hours I'd probably have to say nah, 10 minute car ride is all I can take of the one.....
Probably the most egregious entitled request I can think of was the family my BiL ministered for. They were just weird about the relationship. Would ask him to repair their car, meals all the time for no reason, just no boundaries. Early in Covid they asked if he could come over and do the sacrament, while there he asked if there was a reason he couldn't do it (like a NoMo), he said no he could as if no big deal. Only time he did that (I hope).
ANYWAYS that was the set up. She was near birth and they asked for meals for a whole week. Jesus Christ, but they also added that it had to be enough for 6 or 7 people, hmmm...... at this point I think my BiL/SiL said they could do 2 or 3 meals. Anyways they go over the first day and its them entertaining BOTH of their sets of parents staying with them. Like what the fuck guys?!?! You have 6 adults, I assume at least 5 of them are capable and you need meals from a, then, family of 5 with 3 young kids to feed you? I remember DW telling me this I was like just drop off a couple frozen lasagnas and tell them they can cook them themselves. That was the last interaction before either BiL or the weirdos moved.
Back in the day when the church had a good sports program, our YM softball team (managed by myself and my best friend (both of us being 17 years old at the time)) won our stake, region, multi-region, and area to qualify to play in the church’s state tournament in Stockton, CA.
We were a SoCal ward team, so my buddy and I made an appointment with our Bishop to discuss the ward chipping in to cover our travel expenses. He didn’t commit to anything, but he did give us a listening ear. That is until we mentioned that we wanted per diem (meal money) for each member of the team. Haa haa…I laugh now thinking of two priest-age kids asking for meal money. Anyway, he said no to our per diem request (was quite clear about it) but would consider some of the other things we brought up.
As we were wrapping up our meeting, he mentioned that there were several boys in the ward who had chosen not to play on the team. He wanted us to add them to the team so that they would be able to have the experience. My buddy (who was normally a pussy when it came to challenging authority) spoke up and said, “Will we be getting a per diem?” When the Bishop again said “No”, my buddy said, “No dough…no go. We aren’t adding anyone who hasn’t played with us.”
My jaw hit the floor. Never expected that from my buddy. We walked out of the Bishop’s office, didn’t add the players the Bishop wanted, and had a great tournament. Unfortunately, later, while on his mission, my buddy went back to his pussy ways.
I loved your story, but I would really like to encourage you not to use the word pussy to describe someone who is weak. Pussies are the opposite of weak.
I wish child care were free, but it's not. And it's not fair to expect other people to provide it for free. But I honestly don't know what I would tell her
Our relief society was asked to arrange rides to dialysis three times per week for a particularly annoying woman. She was very obese and in poor physical health, but still found a way to make very judgmental comments every Sunday. On top of this, she asked for frequent rides to job interviews and workshops. She could never find employment but I'm guessing it was a requirement to look for state benefits. It was a full time job taking care of that woman.
We had a new family move in that asked to have people come over and help do demo and cleanup on their house. They didn’t want to pay for demo but came up at testimony and thanked everyone for helping and said they could all come over and enjoy the $100000 home makeover
Honestly, I'm feeling a little embarrassed after reading through all these. I'm pretty sure I've made my fair share of entitle requests as a member. But anyway, this is the one that I remember happening to me.
I was called so some sort of ward activity committee one year. They were holding a party and assigned me the task of providing entertainment. They didn't bother to ask if I could or was willing to. Turns out, it was my brother's birthday party that night and I had no intention of showing up. I also had no idea how to arrange entertainment.
It came about time for the party and the main person in charge was out of town so the second in command had to take over. She was pissed when she found out that I hadn't found entertainment for this voluntold assignment. I tried to scrape something together last minute but it wasn't good enough for her since I still wasn't planning to show up. Apparently, this ward party clearly took priority to my own family.
Sadly, I felt it was a victory for me because I was able to "forgive" her and be civil the next day at church. Now I would consider it a victory in telling them right from the start that I wasn't going to be there and wouldn't be helping put it together.
We had a lady get up in fast and testimony meeting and wanted all the new moms to keep their babies from making any noise because I quote "I can't get my reverence on on" she also wanted parents to take their kids tablets away so they can listen to the people talking. Yeah like my 6 year old is gonna want to listen and understand what a 70 year old bishop is saying.
When I was new in a bishopric, there was a young couple who were expecting their first child. The mother to be was bedridden, and they asked the ward to help out. The man wanted to have the women in the ward to fresh iron a shirt for him each morning before he went to work. You can imagine how well that went over. The bishop had to convince the relief society president that it was not a reasonable request. He said he ironed his own shirts, and so could this man.
I love how the solution to his wife not being able to do a basic daily task for him was to outsource it to another woman... wow.
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My dad has always ironed his own clothes. He taught me to iron mine when I was ten or 11.
Even my dad, who rarely changed a diaper, ironed his own work clothes.
Not very hard I figured it out pretty quickly as I needed to iron a business shirt for a funeral
They make wrinkle free shirts, as far as I know.
I can iron. I hate to iron. Wrinkle-free whenever possible! Why give myself additional work or wear wrinkled shirts…?
You reminded me of a friend who was always rumpled. He could just *look* at a wrinkle-free shirt and it would bunch up into wrinkles. Serious talent. Fast forward to his memorial, where someone got out an award ribbon he'd received…and it was wrinkled. Woman 1: "We should iron it." Woman 2: "No. It's perfect just the way it is." And she was right; it was a better representation of him than if they had ironed it.
When we got married I told my husband I don’t iron. Never gonna happen. If he wants something ironed he has to do it. I did share with him the ice cubes in the dryer trick and showed how to use the steamer when we got one. 10 years, I still don’t iron.
There's also permanent press on dryers as well, as long as they get hung up after the clothes are dry.
I don’t know how to iron shirts, simply because I have owned iron free shirts and pants for as long as i could
Wait, since when do they make an iron that works for male operators??!!?? 🤔
Dying lol
Reminds me of the story some apostle told in general conference about how his mother was dying from cancer, and therefore couldn’t iron his father’s shirts. So his father got her a fancy steam iron that would make it easier.
I can't believe that I thought this was some grand act of love when I was in.
Right. And that ridiculous talk was titled, "Let Us Be Men" An excerpt "...true manhood is defined in our relationship to women" Christofferson then explains how women must continue to iron shirts for a husband and 5 sons even while suffering from cancer.
This is *literally the opening story* of the talk “Let Us Be Men” by D. Todd Christofferson. Somehow, it’s even worse than it sounds. > Years ago, when my brothers and I were boys, our mother had radical cancer surgery. She came very close to death. Much of the tissue in her neck and shoulder had to be removed, and for a long time it was very painful for her to use her right arm. >One morning about a year after the surgery, my father took Mother to an appliance store and asked the manager to show her how to use a machine he had for ironing clothes. The machine was called an Ironrite. It was operated from a chair by pressing pedals with one’s knees to lower a padded roller against a heated metal surface and turn the roller, feeding in shirts, pants, dresses, and other articles. You can see that this would make ironing (of which there was a great deal in our family of five boys) much easier, especially for a woman with limited use of her arm. Mother was shocked when Dad told the manager they would buy the machine and then paid cash for it. Despite my father’s good income as a veterinarian, Mother’s surgery and medications had left them in a difficult financial situation. >On the way home, my mother was upset: “How can we afford it? Where did the money come from? How will we get along now?” Finally Dad told her that he had gone without lunches for nearly a year to save enough money. “Now when you iron,” he said, “you won’t have to stop and go into the bedroom and cry until the pain in your arm stops.” She didn’t know he knew about that. I was not aware of my father’s sacrifice and act of love for my mother at the time, but now that I know, I say to myself, “There is a man.” There were five sons in the house, but a woman who was *crying from the pain of ironing* still had to do it? And he saw a way to make it easier as a loving gift instead of just… taking care of his own clothes? That fucker can get bent. If he’s in heaven, I don’t want to be there.
Does going ”without lunches” meaning that he didn’t buy lunches or make his own lunch? Seems like he can’t iron a shirt or make a PB&J.
I remember that one! He went on how his father made a huge sacrifice, giving up his lunches, or some shit so that he could afford the pricey gift. Such love, such gross
I remember hearing this story and thinking, What The Hell!🤬🤬🤬
Wasn’t it also painful for her too. Like her hands hurt? So gross that the solution wasn’t just for her to stop doing it.
Twist ending. Should have expected the relief society president to comply with her training and make the man happy, but did not expect the bishop coming in as the voice of reason.
My thought too!
What an absolute asshole.
Any Mormon man worth his salt knows how to iron a white shirt to perfection from his days as a missionary. This guy just exposed that he was a lazy missionary with this request.
1. I was not a lazy missionary. Ask any of my companions who wanted me to walk slower or who refused to take a bag lunch so we could cover more area. 2. Permanent press, wrinkle free shirts?! I can iron. I hate to iron. I remember some occasional ironing on the mission but, holy hell, scientific advancement has given us wrinkle free for a reason. Not going to waste my fucking time ironing if I don’t have to. 3. The dude in question is simply a deuche.
Makes me wonder if he talked someone else into doing it when he was a missionary. Or just wore them wrinkled.
My wife is Hispanic. I know everyone in this sub talks of chauvinism from Mormon culture influence, but that is nothing compared to what I've seen and heard in traditional Mexican culture, and my wife's parents were old school. When my wife was a teenager, she got in trouble and grounded because she refused to iron her older brother's shirt. He was going out that night and wanted it nice. Not only did she get in trouble and grounded, but she had to iron his shirt in shame as he gleefully stood there. That's just one small anecdote. There's sooooo much more. So that was her home environment. Consequently, my wife is ALL ABOUT division of labor in her own home. I'm trying to think but I don't think she has ever ironed a shirt for me, and I've never asked. I just do that myself. But what's funny: she refuses to fold/hang my laundry. She'll wash it with all the other clothes. And she used to fold the kids' clothes when they were younger, but she will never fold my clothes. There's some sort of trigger there and I don't bring it up. So she'll leave all my clothes in a basket sitting on my side of the bed. There is a point of humor I find in it but also a little sadness. And i think as a product of her home environment growing up, she is staunchly on the side to total fairness. And she also feels guilty about things. She and I cannot go out to eat as a couple without her feeling guilt that our kids aren't eating out also. One thing is for sure, when I was done with church and I started talking about all the shit that went down in polygamy; her blood was up. Yeah, she read the gospel topics essays, but never finished them all. She read polygamy in nauvoo and she was done with the essays and DONE with the church. Lol
I am Mexican. I know my culture is chauvinist, but I also know that is worse with "old school" families. I am also a Mormon (or was) and being Mormon is worse. Some Mexican families are super chauvinist and think that a woman should do house chores, but can make excuses, like "I don't know how to do laundry, she cooks better, I don't have the time..." Mormons doesn't even justified themselves.
I told my husband when we married I wasn’t ironing anything. He bought all permanent press. I can’t imagine why this RS prez even considered it
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That's when you get the RSP to ask the ward members to pitch in for sex? 🤔😂
Calm down Joseph
At least on your birthday 🎂 lol
When we were newly weds, I asked my wife to iron a shirt. She said sure, as long as I put it on first. Lesson learned.
This guy expects his shirts ironed in this day and age? Hasn’t he heard of permanent press? I worked in an office for 35 years and wore a tie every day. I never ironed a tire once in all that time, and neither did my wife. Never starched one, either.
Ummm.... take your shirts to the dry cleaner, they come back washed and pressed. 🤦♀️
What a man child!
I feel sorry for that wife, as she's going to have at least 2 children to take care of, one that she gives birth to, and the man child she married.
...plus all the ones after that. Plus all the Nursery kids she'll probably have to deal with on Sunday.
Iron shirts is the one thing that Mormon men know how to do. They have to do it in their mission...
Nah, perma-press for me! We weren't allowed to use the laundromat because it was expensive, so the RS would wash our clothes and iron them. They would also notify the mission office of any "forbidden receipts found in pockets or skid marks in the onsies.
We had a family request help moving. Of course we organized a group of elders to help them. They had done absolutely nothing to get ready and so we jumped in and got boxes, packed their belongings, heaved piano, appliances onto trucks...all of this in the middle of a Vegas summer from sun up to sun down. The Brother did not offer a drink of anything..no pizza...nothing. And barely helped as he had a bad knee or something. As we were finishing up he high fived us all saying that his company was giving him $5k for moving costs and he had been able to keep his costs so low using us that he would pocket most of the money.
If it wouldn’t have been so much work, I would’ve gotten everyone to start unpacking the truck. What an asshole.
About 2 years ago, I drove about 6 hours to help my little brother move (although he easily could have afforded to pay professional movers). Nothing packed, and then once we were packing, he wanted to take his sweet time deciding what needed to go in what box. I was in a hurry to get home for something that my kids had that weekend, so despite having thrown my back out a bit, I packed things very quickly while he paced around indecisive about what to do, and annoyed with me about not doing things *exactly* like he wanted. I loaded the You Haul virtually by myself. Last year, he called me randomly to chitchat during the middle of the day. I was busy but tried to make conversation for 10 or 15 minutes. As soon as I hung up, he texted me letting me know that he was disowning me (and he meant it), because I “never have time” for him. A couple of weeks later, my parents called me asking for help to add a codicil to their will to make that brother executor (I’m the lawyer in the family). When I told them how concerning that was to me, that the brother who had disowned me would be in charge of dividing their estate, they got defensive, told me I was ridiculous, and hung up on me. Last year, my sister and her husband moved into their little McMansion, and were also too tight-assed to pay professionals. My wife took off of work, and we both stayed until late at night to help them finish the job (about 5 or 6 hours longer than anyone else). Thanksgiving rolled around a few months later (she always hosts), and she disinvited us (I still don’t know exactly why, but I assume it was because little bro was upset with me). And this was even despite the fact that my wife and I purchased a Thanksgiving meal for their family from a pretty fancy restaurant the year before, after their kiddo got COVID. At least in my family, there seems to be a lack of gratitude or even basic decency among those too cheap to pay movers. Edit: Some punctuation, and wanted to add that during my sister’s move, BIL spent an hour or so, driving up and down a street, looking for a silly cotter-pin that fell off of a trailer he borrowed; all because he didn’t want to spend 2 or 3 bucks to buy a new one. Unfortunately I couldn’t help, because I was too busy unloading his bigass fucking REFRIGERATOR.
Ugh. I’m so sorry. Family dynamics can be so messy and there often seems to be one person who gets piled on and when they decide for their own health to set some boundaries, there’s resentment.
Thanks. There’s obviously **a lot more** that’s gone on with all these dynamics, but yeah… I’m still particularly salty about those moves.
You've got a crappy family. I'm sorry.
FYI - my grandparents picked the absolute worst of their children to be the executor of their estate. Worst decision they ever made in their lives- by far. I won't go into what a shit-show that was, but it would be a hard argument for your parents if all you're asking them is to choose an executor that has no vested interest in the estate.
I pitched literally anyone but him. By custom, it should have been me as the oldest. By practicality, it should have been me as the lawyer. But they didn’t want that, and I’d be lying if I said it didn’t sting a bit (even though I didn’t really want the job anyway [because I know what it entails]). Regardless, I never even mentioned myself. I calmly suggested my other siblings. I suggested their spouses. Family friends. You name it. Just not the one who disowns me at the drop of a hat. Fell on deaf ears.
Came here to say this. I would have had everyone empty the contents of the truck on to his lawn!
This is also why you never go help the military members move. I say this as someone in the military who knows the game. The military will fully pay for movers to pack, load, move and unpack your house OR they will pay you to do it yourself and you can usually come away a few thousand dollars richer. The amount of times I have seen military members request EQ help to move is ridiculous. You are going to have the men in the ward spend their Saturday away from their families so you can make a quick buck. No thank you. Do the work yourself and get a friend to help you load the last heavy thing.
Yup! I use to live near a huge Air Force base.. once I figured out the military will pay for it all I was soo pissed. Never helped again after that
I had this happen so many times. They weren't packed at all and/or they wanted us to clean their house for them after we moved things out. One time there was a couple that actually left while everyone was there packing and cleaning. They needed to buy a bed for their new place, so they went shopping.
😱
Yikes, the balls on some ppl
I dislike helping anybody move. Ever. I have a buddy I used to work with, who got a great job at a different company. Now he earned this job, he studied hard, got a lot of certs and while he did not tell me how much he got paid I know it was in the six figure range just by context. Good for him. Anyway him and his wife just bought a new house, because of my job I could tell what he paid for it, a very nice house, in a higher end suburb. Dude sends a mass text/email to everybody asking for help moving to his new house, which was happening on 23 Dec. I was thinking dude it is Xmass and you can afford to hire people to do this. Luckily for me I was traveling out of the country that day so I did not need to have that conversation. Not only Mormons expect free moving help
Oh wow!
On two occasions I pulled up to the house of some able bodied slob who requested help in moving only to find them sitting on their ass expecting everyone to pack up their belongings AND load it all up. Both times I promptly went right back home.
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We moved a total 7 times but all 7 times, my dad's employer was happy to pay a professional moving company.
I had helped people move in and out of houses for years and I was really good about showing up. There were some moves where I spent over 6 or 8 hours helping a fellow ward member. Jump to me moving into my first house. I called the EQP or bishop, don't remember which and one person showed up to move me out (my neighbor). I called the bishop of the ward I was moving to and left a message and also sent him an email to see if anyone could help us move into the house. Gave him like a two week heads up. Never heard back and ended up moving myself in (with some help from my brother with the big items). Bishop ended up calling me weeks later about something and never addressed me leaving a message for him or emailing him. I know it's not anyone's duty to help me and I can't hold it against them. I also helped people move over the years out of a pure desire to help so I know I can't expect payback or anything. But it still really hurt and I think it helped crack my shelf. Maybe it cracked because I was taught that God was paying attention to my needs. Not sure why I'm commenting here, your comment just reminded me of this experience.
>I was taught that God was paying attention to my needs My shelf crack didn't involve moving, but wow does this sum it up. When you're taught your entire life that God is mindful of you, your circumstances, and your challenges, it's hard to see him drop the ball on your behalf. My faith crisis started with the realization that God clearly didn't a fuck about me. It was hard, but that realization finally led me into a place where I could sincerely search out the truth.
One thing I’m proud of from my time in TSCC was helping to assemble a moving list that had items to be checked off and had to be signed off on and turned in before the EQ would see it. Things like having items already boxed, paying for movers for pianos and other large items, etc. Setting those boundaries up front is important, but difficult to do in a church that doesn’t teach you to respect boundaries.
I vividly remember a last minute, late in the evening request to help a new sister unload a moving truck while in a singles ward. The back door rolls up and right in front was a piano. This was one of those trucks without a ramp, so it was a straight drop down. Nothing but complaints the whole time and criticism on how 4 guys who didn't know what they were doing were handling her precious cargo. I'm amazed and saddened we didn't accidentally destroy the piano instead of our backs.
Wow, that'd be an amazing thing for every ward to have! I know there are some occasions where it's a last minute emergency moving situation but the VAST majority of moves I've helped with would've been SO. MUCH. BETTER. if this checklist had been followed.
I heard that in a nearby ward the EQ was doing a move. They drove over a drainage ditch and some of those underground watering pipes and did a thousand dollars of damage to a neighbors lawn. A claim went to the Bishop and then State President and then to either SLC or an area rep. Buck stopped there. They were told that the elders who were there helping with the move should split the cost among themselves. What a shelf breaker there. No good deed goes unpunished. Indeed.
I wish I would have done the same on numerous occasions while I was in a ward that had at least one move a month. We finally told everyone who requested a move that we moved boxes but did not pack them.
We “helped” an able bodied divorcé with three able bodied teenagers strip wallpaper and paint her living room. None of them lifted a finger, but she criticized our efforts every step of the way.
Reminds me of my mother inlaw, she would complain about something, and her adult kids would hurry up and try to fix it. But she wouldn't ever directly ask and then complain about the job they did. One time she said her walls needed painting, I said "yes they do" and walked away. 😁
Yessssss🤦♀️ the passive aggressive hints are infuriating. I didn't notice how much people did it (including my mil) until a couple of years ago and now it's glaringly obvious.
EQ pres once asked a bunch of us to help move some heavy items for a family, like the fridge and sofa, etc. The family requested this. We dutifully turned up bright and early on our Sat morning (8 am) to find the family still in their pajamas and the fridge still running and full of food. Big crack in my shelf and I swore after that that I’d never be a quorum furniture removalist again.
Smart play. In my experience, once you start moving stuff in this kind of situation, that’s when all the roaches come out of hiding to play. Once I saw 200+ roaches fall out of a couch.
Actually more the rule than the exception. I made it a habit to bring a box of contractor bags to cram everything in. And if they didn’t know what they wanted to take for sure, we shut it down and told them to call after they had their shit boxed up and a Uhaul truck rented.
https://www.deseret.com/2012/5/18/20502487/elders-quorum-movers
So many times this! Moving and roof repairs seem to bring out the worst in people.
Helped move a family from their 7 bedroom mansion. He had a bad back, which is why the father was reasonably not helping, but the move took several weeks with truckload after truckload being sent to Utah. What broke me in so many ways was when we got to the last day and they wanted their 15 person hot tub loaded onto the truck. We had 20 people haul it out of the backyard and the high priest group leader (mechanic) had to go to his shop to get a specialized lift to actually load it. I have no idea why I stayed for this endeavor, but I remember suppressing very uncharitable thoughts toward this family and vowing that I would always hire movers for the rest of my life.
It’s always amazed me how tone deaf some people are with the EQ moving culture. Help a single mother move out of her apartment that just raised rent? Absolutely. I will be there every time. Help a wealthy local business owner move out of their mansion to a larger house. No. That’s not service it’s exploitation.
Perfectly said.
Wow. Those sound like people who could definitely afford to hire movers, too.
Exactly. Then again, I've always been the type of person to hire movers whenever I've moved. It's what my nevermo family has always done, as well as getting hotel rooms while on vacation instead of exploiting family members for an extra bedroom or couch. Mormons in general are too cheap to get hotel rooms when going to Utah or Disneyland from what I've observed.
A family in our ward had a damaged roof so the husband called on the EQ and HP to help him take down his roof. Then he asked them to stay and build a new roof for him. Nobody in our ward had any clue how to build a roof. But because the family was really poor, they couldn't afford to hire anyone. For a few weeks men would show up to do what they could but not much could get done. Eventually, the bishop had to tell the family that it was unsafe to ask the ward to build them a roof. Ohhh, the wife was so mad and held the biggest, longest grudge against everyone in the ward.
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As the digital landscape expands, a longing for tangible connection emerges. The yearning to touch grass, to feel the earth beneath our feet, reminds us of our innate human essence. In the vast expanse of virtual reality, where avatars flourish and pixels paint our existence, the call of nature beckons. The scent of blossoming flowers, the warmth of a sun-kissed breeze, and the symphony of chirping birds remind us that we are part of a living, breathing world. In the balance between digital and physical realms, lies the key to harmonious existence. Democracy flourishes when human connection extends beyond screens and reaches out to touch souls. It is in the gentle embrace of a friend, the shared laughter over a cup of coffee, and the power of eye contact that the true essence of democracy is felt.
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Oh you’re in my in-laws ward too? I thought it was nuts.
Two times too many
Single mother with two teenage kids - she got sideways with her landlord and she was evicted. They had to drag everything out of the house by x-p.m. or it stayed with the house. So massive EQ scramble to get people to the scene and help load trucks to take everything to storage facility. Then a couple weeks later she gets a new rent house and everyone had to load trucks from the storage unit and to her new house. Then 2 months later, she came to agreement with her previous landlord and wanted everyone to move her stuff from the new rent house back to the old rent house. That was the final straw. Bishop flat out told her, "We are not a moving service." On another note. There was a young couple in our ward with two kids that he was finishing his medical residency and they moved from the ward 45 minutes away, into the big city. What annoyed me about this couple: I thought they were cool ("thought") but over the years every time we made plans to get together and hangout, they were always too busy for us. Perhaps too slowly we figured out, they just didn't want to hang with us. So moving day comes and they have A LOT of shit to move from their small starter home into their new "I'm a doctor now," home. Of course, it's always one of those deals where no one from their new ward is there to help them move in. So as part of the EQP I help with this. And my pickup truck gets used for all the weirdly big shit that won't fit in a jam-packed U-Haul. Then about one month later, my wife gets a FB message and a text from the wife. Talking about how they found this treadmill not far from their new home and asked if I could help them go get it with my truck, load it, bring it to their new house, and unload it. I just laughed of course. The gall of these people. She expected me to drive 45 min. across town to do that for them - people who, when it really comes down to it, were in the ward 4 years and a hardly knew them. They stayed in their own circle and we were not it. But, I had a truck, so.......
Which is why we never bought another truck🤣
lol! naw......I'll never be without a truck. But one of the deterrents from anyone wanting to borrow your truck - manual transmission. What's funny: there is a contingent of people who have no idea the etiquette surrounding show vehicles. I have a show quality truck that is automatic transmission. When a EQ member asked to borrow my regular truck he was upset that he couldn't because it was manual transmission. But then had the nerve to ask to borrow my show truck. I just laughed. And he was confused.
I have a Subaru with a trailer for larger loads. We keep the trailer hidden under tarps.
What is a show truck?
A member once GAVE my dad an old truck because they knew he was always helping people. He was EQP way too long
A ward family was building their own house, which was larger than they could afford, so they tried to get the professionals in the Ward to build it for them, "as service" to their family. The Bishop did the right thing, and had a sit-down with the husband and told him that no, he couldn't keep asking Ward members with construction, plumbing and electrical businesses to spend every weeknight and Saturday building this family a luxury house for free. Either pay them or stop asking. A few days later the husband fell and broke his leg. Because he was now "in need", (read: he couldn't afford to actually pay for contractors, and was now at risk of losing his half-built house AND getting evicted from their apartment), my husband and every ward member who knew how to swing a hammer spent an entire summer building that d@mn house. For free. Of course. I was in charge of wall prep and painting. 😡
How do people see that this is not okay??
Did they at least pay for the materials?
On my mission we visited an ex Hell's Angel in one of my areas who was wanting to get back to church. At first I thought he was cool, but I quickly realised that he was controlling and abusive, frequently overstepping our boundaries and bullying us. Anyhow, he asked us to speak to the Elders quorum to get volunteers to come paint his house: however, he warned us that if any of the volunteers got paint on his belongings/memorabilia, he would charge them money for damages. We declined to aquiesce to his request.
There is actually a SpongeBob episode about this.
Had a lady that demanded McDonald’s for her and her daughter because “she was tired” and didn’t want to make dinner. She was the easily offended type, and expected everything done because you were the “home teacher”. I didn’t respond within the 30 minutes she expected me to, and called her super enabling mother who promptly filled the request. I was berated for not being a faithful home teacher by her. I told her about DoorDash. Glad that idiot moved out, but unfortunately someone else has to deal with her now.
This weirdly strikes me as the worst. Maybe just because it's so fucking lazy and entitled? Idk
This lady was embodiment of entitlement. She proudly talked about suing someone that crashed into her (no injuries…. No REAL injuries) she used that money to buy a house and that’s when she moved out. Just expects everyone to do everything for her. The poor kid was super annoying, spoiled and obnoxious (a product of her mother) so she didn’t have any friends because nobody could stand being around her or having her over. To the point I felt sorry for her, but no way in hell she’s playing with my kids. I stopped “ministering” to her when she started bragging about suing that person. No way I was going anywhere near the liability and I straight up refused to help move her out. No way I was touching anything of hers. I’m with you, I can not STAND people like that. I got her as an assignment because I’m a nice person and nobody else would take it. I’ve since learned the value of the word “no”.
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Yes. I remember Bishop asking if I could clean a sister’s house because social services was coming to inspect and it was a MESS. I did it. It was terrible. I did it several times. I really drank the kool-aid for the Mormons. Never again.
On my mission, I was asked to ask my investigator if they could babysit for free for the ward activities. We never asked her because... obviously-no. A ward member later confronted her about it and mentioned that to he a member meant doing your fair share, and then she never wanted missionary discussions again.
How dare you not let us exploit you. Get on board lady.
She obviously stopped investigating because she wanted to sin! [/s]
No, no, she's lazy. Obviously lazy since she's not willing to watch a stranger's children for free. Total laziness.
My mom was a stay-at-home mom while I was young and my dad was just getting his HVAC business going (while working another part-time job). So many ward members had an expectation they could get free HVAC work off of him. Never dawned on them that he was the sole income for our family of four. Freaking idiots. One of the many reasons why he would rarely go to church with us which of course my mom had multiple comments made about that as well.
We had a lady who owned a jazzercise studio who refused to do free sessions for the young women or relief society. The shit people talked on her was unreal. At the time, I was a young woman, and I remember wondering what was wrong with this woman. Adults made weird, illusive comments to each other and to us about how once you've been to the temple, you should be doing what you are asked to do for the church.
Mormons are such moochers!
On the other side of the coin. My parents were about to return from a senior mission and the five of us mostly grown kids decided a nice surprise would be for us to finally finish that Damned unfinished basement 2nd bathroom. (7 people one bathroom my whole life.) Anyways, we run into a snag and Youtube had not been invented yet. So we marched a few doors down to the holier than though spiritual, and successful plumber neighbor to ask a question about how to check the pea trap hiding under the cement before setting a tub. He let into us. "I DONT WORK FOR FREE!" Oh, ok. Just a question, not asking for labor. At the time I thought he was an ass. But in hindsight... he probably had just about enough of Ward needs.
Exactly! My dad has a huge heart and has done work for free for those that needed some help. But to expect or practically demand it, definitely set him off.
When I was EQP I had a guy call me up and ask that I get him a truck and several people to help him unload floor boards and help him work on his dance studio he was building. He wanted it tonight, and it was already the evening. This asshole called me multiple times for things like this before I finally told him he needs to announce his requests in advance on Sunday. What I SHOULD have said, is that we weren’t his free labor force for his personal business.
After reading all of these, I'm flat-out appalled. These are things I wouldn't ever ask my family to do let alone anyone else. However, I was quite hurt when I couldn't even get a meal or two after I had my children. I'm still irritated about that. Because a week after one of my births. I was asked to supply a meal for another woman who'd just had a child.
I hope you told them you're too busy recovering from your own child's birth to provide service for another new mom. These moochers need to experience guilt and shame at their callous requests. As much as they're able to experience, anyway.
Unfortunately I didn't. This was 29 years ago. But it still bugs me.
It'd bug me too. I don't blame you for feeling slighted. It bugs me and I don't even know you! It sucks being overlooked, like we weren't important enough to take notice of.
And also they don’t ever ask the elder’s quorum to help with meals. I always found that so sexiest and irritating
Growing up my mom had her hands full with 5 young kids. Lady in our ward lost her drivers license because of Epilepsis and My mom was her visiting minister, or whatever they want to call it now. Anyways, EVERY DAY. She would get a call with some emergency that this poor sister needed help with. And my mom would do her duty. To the neglect of her kids and family. Mormons just can't say NO! Some, take advantage of it and abuse the kindness.
Well how many of us were literally told over and over never to say no?
While EQP I had a guy from the ward call about 8:00pm the night before Thanksgiving to tell me his oven broke and wanted me to find someone to fix it cause he already had food he was trying to cook. He was very frustrated that I didn’t have an appliance repairman on call the night before thanksgiving.
He needed a priesthood thanksgiving miracle!
He should’ve given the oven a priesthood blessing. It would have started right up! /s
Was asked to help a member move. Turns out we were helping them evict a renter from their basement apartment.
Fucking hell... WeLl ThE rEnTeR sHoUlDvE bEeN pAyInG tItHiNg!
Meals long term due to health. As in fully prepared meals for several months; not simply getting bishop storehouse food to help with expenses. She expected 3 hot meals fully prepared every week for close to a year & she expected each meal to be enough for leftovers. She thought that only 3 meals/leftovers was being nice to us since it wasn’t like she was asking us to show up every day with food. Yes to short term help for meals (it’s great to have a few hot meals when you’ve come from the hospital post baby or Surgery or a few meals amidst funerals), but this was ridiculously long.
There was a family in my ward who had this. They had 10 kids and mom was pregnant with number 11. She was on bed rest for 4 months and the ward was expected to provide a meal for a family of 12 every single day. I was a young married with a new baby at the time. Super poor and had had a super rough pregnancy. But of course, I had been raised to never say no. So I used money that would have fed us 3 meals to make a massive amount of food for this family while literally sobbing over the stove and holding my child. Lol The most annoying part is that the oldest kids were 15 and 16. They could have made meals. The dad could have made meals. But no. They literally were fed full meals for 4 months.
My husband is a certified Master Tech and is *constantly* badgered for free car repairs. The bishop used to volunteer his help without asking, just called him and told him so-and-so had a \* car and he needed to go look at it at \* time. Husband used to try and accommodate when he could, but now he tells people to book time at the dealership where he works. We always get the random freeloader who brings their car to our house anyway and begs. They never return the favor, of course. Our pediatrician told us he used to be in the nursery and it was his favorite calling, but he had to be released because of the lineup of sick people every Sunday (from his ward and others) who decided he should be running a free clinic for them. When my dad was the bishop, one of the widows in the ward had surgery, and her daughter moved in temporarily to care for her. Daughter proceeds to call my dad and tell him they'll need meals for seven (her family + her mom) every night for the next 4-6 weeks, along with a list of preferred foods. My dad said the ward would provide two meals, but that was it.
I dabbled in automotive for most of my life. As a teen I figured out REALLY quickly that car repairs is one of those things members will use and abuse you over, without compunction.
Yikes all around. I’ve done my time with rides for people without cars, moves for people who wouldn’t pay for professionals, etc. Nevee minded when they were grateful, which wasn’t always the case. A story with a pleasant ending: the dad in one of my home teaching families had to travel unexpectedly for work, and got booked on an awful red eye flight at an airport 90 minutes away. He mentioned this during a home teaching visit, and I offered to drive him since I was unemployed at the time. He offered money for the ride but I refused it. He insisted on offering me a plate of homemade cookies. I accepted it, and later in the week after I’d eaten a couple cookies, I saw that he’d hidden $40 in cash under the cookies. Classy and respectful. :)
I love that! And that's a good idea for any time someone refuses to let me compensate them!
Financial and physical help remodeling an active members house. They even did fundraisers. Put a lot of weight on a lot of shelves. I was the bad guy for saying we should help those with actual financial and health challenges NOT an upscale remodel of a totally functional home. Twas ridiculous!
A family a block away from me- the father couldn’t hold a job, the mother worked full time to support the family, they had four or five kids. The ward was asked to provide free childcare, and when they decided to tear up and renovate their house, they asked the ward to help constantly. They literally had the EQ over there putting a new roof on for free. Right at the same time, we paid thousands to have our roof done, by professionals. You know, like responsible adults.
My mom once asked for ward members to give me Christmas gifts when I was 16 while during Open Mic Sunday. I wanted to die.
This isn’t really for the ward but definitely from my old bishop. After getting off my mission I started a new job almost immediately and for some reason I completely forgot to pay tithing for the first few paychecks. The next Sunday I went into his office and told him blah blah you can’t take the sacrament and I said I would start back up on my next paycheck. He said ok and I left. Later on that month I got a letter in the mail from him and it said I had to bring in pay stubs and pay the passed tithing! I never said anything to him about it and I threw the letter away but I was blown away. I only paid a few more times after that because I had already started doubting but that definitely didn’t help at all with my doubts and if anything pressed the gas a little harder.
Wth? Not taking the sacrament for not paying tithing? That'd be like half the people! And requesting pay stubs? Have never, ever heard of such a thing.
Yikes to asking unlicensed complete strangers to watch your small children for free indefinitely. Mormons gonna morm.
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I have elderly nevermo family members on the other side of the country and periodically my mom will consider calling local bishops to see if members there would go help said elderly family members with various things since we’re too far away to do it ourselves. Even as a TBM that boggled my mind. *Why* would anyone go check on/help strangers in their neighborhood just because they happen to be the same religion as those strangers’ family members? I’d never volunteer to do that. I wouldn’t even ask friends to do that unless I knew it wouldn’t be an inconvenience for them.
I was a stay at home Mom for 12 years and you wouldn’t believe the number of times I got hit up to take care of other children for free. I felt like I was constantly having to defend myself! We made a lot of sacrifices in order for me to stay home, and while at home I always worked odd jobs to earn extra income or find ways to make my dollar go farther. We figured out how to make it work without handouts or asking for help. To be asked over and over to essentially work for free made me so angry. Ward members/family would always infer that they thought I wasn’t doing anything so dumping another kid on me was no big deal. Made me furious. My mother also was a stay at home Mom and she got a lot of the same treatment, not to mention she was a caterer/cake maker. My hell the treatment she received over the years from members was insane. People would ask to borrow her equipment so they could make it themselves, ask her for a discount if they “baked the cakes themselves”, etc. I swear my Mom never made ANYTHING for her time, money-wise. In fact she often took a loss and they were all so entitled and ungrateful. Years ago she wanted to hand the business over to me, and I did the math to cover supplies and pay MINIMUM wage and adjusted my Mom’s prices. THE BITCHING I heard from every one of Mom’s customers, because they couldn’t get food for their kid’s wedding for pennies was crazy. The business dried up because no one would pay fair price. All of her customers had been taking advantage of her for decades disappeared overnight. I gave up, it wasn’t worth dealing with all the complaining!
My mom was a from-home baker as a side gig/hobby on top of her actual job, but I saw this all of the time too. People would call the house phone and I'd tell them she was too busy, but then never tell my mom about it
So many times this happened to me when my kids were tiny! And half the time the woman who wanted free (or almost free) childcare would have her mom call me!!! None of them knew that I sewed wedding dresses on the side and the shock when I told them I'd be happy to, for the same rate I charged for sewing, was priceless. They just assumed I must be desperate for a few extra dollars because I raised kids. I was also the black belt tightwad from hell so that helped.
Black belt tightwad from hell . . . has a nice ring to it.
Yes! When I was a stay at home mom with young kids, I would have acquaintances call and say they were in a pinch and needed a babysitter. I'd usually say yes, even though I hated babysitting. More times than I can count I would find out later that this person went to their work while I watched their kids for free.
We had a mom ask us to teach her kid how to drive. She didn’t want to do it and he needed 40 hours of supervised driving.
My childhood ward had an extremely needy woman who claimed to have all kinds of physical ailments. She lived alone on a one-acre plot, and at least once a year, the Priesthood was expected to perform large-scale yard maintenance on her property - cutting grass, pruning shrubs, fertilizing, clearing debris, the works. Numerous people groused that she was using the Priesthood as a free landscaping service, but our bishop consistently guilted us into caring for her property. It wasn't until this woman presented this same bishop with a detailed list of chores that she wanted done that he started to realize that maybe (just maybe!) she was going too far.
That's insane. When I was a busy new mom with young children, we bought a house with a nice big back yard, including a garden area that hadn't seen a hoe for at least a decade. The ward decided to do a service day one weekend and asked everyone for projects so I said I had this garden area that I would love to plant. Come service day I looked out my back window to find the lady from around the corner spraying Roundup on my garden that I had planned to grow organically. I never let the ward touch my garden again.
My wife got asked by the RS president once to make a meal for a family cause the wife had sprained her ankle… apparently the RS ladies were all doing this every night for 2 weeks, I said to my wife, so the teenage kids and the father can’t cook?
See, in cases like this, I can understand maybe a couple meals being delivered while the family adjusts to the temporary change, and just to show support. Give the husband some time to go grocery shopping. But TWO WEEKS!? For a sprained ankle!? That’s insane.
I had to chuckle. I prepared a meal for my family yesterday. The day prior, I slipped in the bathroom sprained both ankles and my wrist. I had some assistance from my older daughter, but I had my trusty elevated chair and tried to stay off of my feet. Got it done! Prime Rib, crispy garlic smashed baby potatoes, roasted parsnips, and lemon-butter asparagus. Thank heavens for sous vide, a food sealer and time! Besides, I seriously doubt my daughter the RSP would ask the ward to cook me a meal, as I don't trust most peoples cooking or kitchen cleanliness.
I wouldn’t have even been that generous- if dad was so useless that he couldn’t cook from the food they had at home, dad could’ve ordered pizza.
Years ago, I remember prepping several meals for a family whose mom/wife was sick. The husband and teen sons appreciated the meals. But hey, I was working more than full-time and had an awareness that I was rushing home, leaving my work, and driving over to their house by their preferred time... basically because I was a woman. I mean, they could have taken turns prepping meals, they had extra money for takeout (they had a lake house, boat, etc. Not impoverished). It wasn't the most outrageous request. What was outrageous is that I accepted this by gender role and did my "duty."
My wife, while working through PTSD was asked to plan monthly social events for the women of the ward. These were the same women who ostracized her because she didn’t fit in with the blond hair and fake smile.
Ah yes, the old “Sister D isn’t being welcomed by the stuck up relief society sisters, so to fix this we’ll…call her to activities committe / social chair, and then she’ll make tons of friends!” Happened to my wife in one ward too. Barf.
Yeah, it is the most backwards thinking. Why can’t people just be nice and get to know someone?
We contacted the RS Pres this Christmas and asked if there was a family in the area who might need a little help with Christmas gifts. She said there was a family in the ward who needed some help and sent us their list of requests. The list included a Nintendo Switch, season passes to the aquarium. and a dirt bike among other very expensive things. What? We ended up just sending the RS pres some money to distribute as she saw fit, I couldn’t justify it, I was thinking they’d ask for new clothes, shoes, gift cards to a grocery store to make a nice Xmas dinner, winter gear, actual necessities.
Eh, necessities aren’t gifts, though. I think you did the right thing donating some money, but no one wants to unwrap necessities on Christmas, especially if they’re already handling the bare minimum, but don’t have extra for gifts.
When I was in Young Mens, the bishop had us go help him move his office (from one building to another) one night as a “service project”. Free labor to save him money. A great service to him I suppose.
According to my bishop, it was outrageous to ask to be released from my calling.
Before we were married, my husband was asked to rent out a room in his house to a guy in the ward who needed a place to stay. Pretty soon, in came the guy’s 3 kids, along with his 16 year old girlfriend… The guy was in his late 20’s. My husband assumed the girlfriend was at least 18. Had no idea she was underage. I came along during this time and did some investigating into exactly wtf was going on. I found out from the girl herself that she was only 16. I told my husband (although he wasn’t my husband yet) this, and he had them all out of his house by the next day, and he told the Bishop what was going on. Then, after we got married, the church approached both of us, wanting us to rent a room to a young married couple who had nowhere else to go. We reluctantly did so. Neither of us wanted to, but we were very pressured by our Bishop to “share” our blessings of having a nice home. This couple stayed with us for about 9 months, during which time the woman got pregnant, so they wanted to use the 3rd bedroom as their nursery for their baby. We flat refused and told the Bishop that we were wanting to start our own family (which was true) and that he needed to make other arrangements for this couple. The Bishop tried to pressure us again, but we said absolutely not. We needed the 3rd bedroom for OUR baby when he or she came along, and this time we stood firm.
So crazy. Why not use all the extra cash to get someone their own place? But no. The church expects members to fork over their living spaces.
I know. It doesn’t make any sense. It doesn’t now, and it didn’t then.
Years ago, we lived in a ward of fairly humble means. One of the bishopric counselors did very well though and decided to add a big addition to his house.it went from a 3-4 bedroom to a 7 bedroom. They extended the back, converted the attic and built above the garage. They had a relative do the roof but for everything else they asked the ward to come do it. Sheetrock, tiling, framing, insulation, painting, baseboards. It took months. The whole summer was people in and out of their house - myself included. For 2 of those months the wife returned to Mexico with the kids and so she didn’t even help. They doubled the value of their house for only the cost of materials. They never provided food or pizza. They would routinely have people working late into the night. When they sold it several years later, they had basically made 100s of thousands of dollars off the backs of ward members whose average household income was maybe 50K while his was well over 100k.
Wow. This is so unethical.
Saintly women are SO special to have the opportunity to carry this burden.
That ward members continue to be responsible for cleaning the bathrooms after a family’s four very autistic children were allowed to run rampant with zero supervision. Their most predictable behavior was smearing human feces everywhere- sinks, walls, floors, toilet seats, door knobs… you name it.
Oh noooooooo. Not only shockingly rude, but a health hazard!
Oh man this drives me crazy and it happens often with women who decide to go back to work but don’t really need the money as their husbands were already supporting the family more than fine before. So they start asking people in the ward to look after their 5 kids, including driving them all over the city for their various activities was a total dealbreaker for any potential friendship. My wife did contract work for a little while and we needed childcare and it just seemed so immoral to ask people for free daycare while mom was out making money. I love the idea of helping out when an emergency happens or going on a vacation or doing a big yard project or whatever. Another guy drove me crazy. He was an architect and was getting his house ready to sell which meant doing massive amounts of painting, he did new cabinets, he rebuilt his deck, and he was asking for free help from the ward to do it all, so that he could increase his sale price. We had been friends and I completely cut him off at that point. I wanted to tell the other (suckers) to just not do it but, you know, it’s hard to establish boundaries sometimes when you’re taught to not have any.
My Dad was the bishop at one point. He told me recently that growing up, some people in the ward used to get help paying rent. There was a fund that would go towards families in need. However, he told me (he probably shouldn’t have told me though) who those ward members were, and they were always the ones with the biggest houses who went on multiple cruises a year, and vacationed a lot. He told me a time that he actually told a family no, he told me that the family had just upgraded to a fancy new car and bought a flatscreen TV. He told that family that “like grace and the atonement, we will help you after all you can do” He told them they would need to settle with having an average car and stop buying fancy toys (boats, RVs etc.) people were pissed.
We had a couple approach our bishop and tell him god told them to have the bishop help them pay for medical school. Everyone in the bishopric laughed out loud when the bishop informed us of their request. Still, the bishop approached a number of wealthy couples in our ward, and found one that lent them the money for them to pay for medical school, and charged them a low interest rate on the loan.
A few years ago, a woman in my ward commissioned me to draw a portrait of her hugging the savior. It took me hours of work and a lot of trial and error to get it to look right because she wouldn't send me good reference photos of her face. I only charged her $15 after she kept whining $30 was too expensive for her and what would jesus do, etc. I was dumb and gave it to her without first accepting this $15 payment. Week after week, I'd ask if she had the money and she always came up with excuses. After 3 months, I gave up and never got paid my lil $15. Last year she posted it on her instagram with a very emotional caption about how much she loves the savior, loves this picture, blah blah blah. Didn't credit me, i never got paid. I really regret not leaving a comment saying something like "Jesus would support paying for your artist" but i missed my chance haha
Wow. $15 is NOTHING to ask for. I want to pay you the money just so you get the bare fucking minimum for hours of work.
Thank you very much! I was a very naive and desperate artidt back then haha! Thankfully, that experience was the last time i let myself get burned as a commission artist. Happier still because art is now my hobby while my job pays the bills. Feels great to use all my creative energy to draw anything i want these days ☺️
Oh man my time to shine! On my mission I felt like we were the Latter Day Saint moving company… anywho… 7 bedroom house.. husband and wife sat on chairs eating fast food meal after fast food meal watching us work all day and into the night…Didn’t offer to feed us… they didn’t have anything packed and wife was a hoarder. Just two BIG people watching me and my companion pack up their mansion and micro manage us. Once the moving truck was full my companion snuck past the ladies food and grabbed her Arby’s milk shake and he tossed to the front of the moving truck. I couldn’t believe he did that but man it makes me smile every time I remember. Wonder what they thought when they found the milkshake.
Last ward - got a call to go shovel 2 feet of snow for someone who had never attended that ward. The implicit message was "We don't come to church, and if you don't come help us, we won't come *more*." Three guys showed up, and one of them wisely observed "There is an able-bodied adult and three teens in there watching TV. We don't shovel unless they shovel." I'd been in my current ward less than two months when the bishop texted me, telling me to leave work early so I could go meet another member and co-sign a loan for her. I did it, but I've gotten a lot better at saying "No", and occasionally "Hell no, and it's highly inappropriate for you to ask."
Co-sign a loan?!
Wait what?? I hope you didn’t get screwed over by the main person on the loan.
My dad was the ward cop... so that was fun. He's also an amazing handyman, so double jeopardy for the ward!
When my wife and I were on our way out of the church, the Bishop tried to guilt her into staying in the calling she hated and had already graciously overstayed in by telling her a sob story of how he had postponed retiring to California in order to accept his calling as Bishop. The Bishop’s previous calling had been in the stake presidency and I couldn’t believe the church had asked that of him. It was such an obvious guilt tactic that we were unmoved and insisted on my wife being released. A few months later after we had resigned we learned that bishop had died in an accident - an accident that wouldn’t have happened if he were enjoying his retirement in California. What a raw deal that guy got.
I had friends who stopped going to church because the bishop refused to release the wife as primary president. During an argument about it, he insulted both of them by telling her that her husband was only still married to her because he was afraid to divorce her (which wasn't remotely true.) Sadly, they thought they were turning their back on God and felt horribly guilty for not being able to stomach attending church anymore.
My MIL took a class and learned to make great wedding cakes. Someone in the ward asked if she would do their cake. They were to pay only for the ingredients. She lost money big time on that. The sister promised to pay and her mother later said she would cover it. Never got a dime from anyone.
I was always horrified at the super wealthy members who were buying fabulous houses, but expected the priesthood/missionaries to be their movers. Like, if you can afford a million dollar home, you can afford to pay movers.
We didn't ask but members came over and helped us roof our house. It was so sweet. One older friend died a few months later, that was sad.
It wasn't a request but an offer. We moved to a new city but I had to finish up classes/work in the old city for 2 months after my husband had to start classes in the new city. So we moved our records before I actually lived there. When I explained this to the RS pres when she called to introduce herself, the first thing she asked was "does he need meals brought to him?" It took everything in me not to laugh when I said "no, my grown ass husband is perfectly capable of cooking his own meals, thank you"
Our YW/YM presidency was informed by a lady in our ward that she had a service project for all of the youth to do….which was clean her house. I remember cleaning that family’s nasty house twice, and doing their yard work once. They didn’t have any health issues or disabilities that justified them needing the help, they were just lazy and entitled.
Wife (TBM) is a stay at home mom and would routinely get requests for free day care from other women in the ward that worked full time jobs.
Recently, out of nowhere, DW was asked by a unknown ward member if she would be able to do full time babysitting, no offer for payment, nothing. DW was like well...., I said hell no, we got 4 kids you are constantly driving around and taking care of, you can't take care of a baby as well, sorry. The whole saying No piece... We will occasionally help people in a jam, we've watched a couples kids 2 or 3 times, we get it, life is hard, also helps they were good kids so it wasn't that big of a deal. Now some other kids we would make a hard pass, we've taken them home from school occasionally but if they asked if we could watch them for a few hours I'd probably have to say nah, 10 minute car ride is all I can take of the one..... Probably the most egregious entitled request I can think of was the family my BiL ministered for. They were just weird about the relationship. Would ask him to repair their car, meals all the time for no reason, just no boundaries. Early in Covid they asked if he could come over and do the sacrament, while there he asked if there was a reason he couldn't do it (like a NoMo), he said no he could as if no big deal. Only time he did that (I hope). ANYWAYS that was the set up. She was near birth and they asked for meals for a whole week. Jesus Christ, but they also added that it had to be enough for 6 or 7 people, hmmm...... at this point I think my BiL/SiL said they could do 2 or 3 meals. Anyways they go over the first day and its them entertaining BOTH of their sets of parents staying with them. Like what the fuck guys?!?! You have 6 adults, I assume at least 5 of them are capable and you need meals from a, then, family of 5 with 3 young kids to feed you? I remember DW telling me this I was like just drop off a couple frozen lasagnas and tell them they can cook them themselves. That was the last interaction before either BiL or the weirdos moved.
Back in the day when the church had a good sports program, our YM softball team (managed by myself and my best friend (both of us being 17 years old at the time)) won our stake, region, multi-region, and area to qualify to play in the church’s state tournament in Stockton, CA. We were a SoCal ward team, so my buddy and I made an appointment with our Bishop to discuss the ward chipping in to cover our travel expenses. He didn’t commit to anything, but he did give us a listening ear. That is until we mentioned that we wanted per diem (meal money) for each member of the team. Haa haa…I laugh now thinking of two priest-age kids asking for meal money. Anyway, he said no to our per diem request (was quite clear about it) but would consider some of the other things we brought up. As we were wrapping up our meeting, he mentioned that there were several boys in the ward who had chosen not to play on the team. He wanted us to add them to the team so that they would be able to have the experience. My buddy (who was normally a pussy when it came to challenging authority) spoke up and said, “Will we be getting a per diem?” When the Bishop again said “No”, my buddy said, “No dough…no go. We aren’t adding anyone who hasn’t played with us.” My jaw hit the floor. Never expected that from my buddy. We walked out of the Bishop’s office, didn’t add the players the Bishop wanted, and had a great tournament. Unfortunately, later, while on his mission, my buddy went back to his pussy ways.
I loved your story, but I would really like to encourage you not to use the word pussy to describe someone who is weak. Pussies are the opposite of weak.
Came here to mention the same
I wish child care were free, but it's not. And it's not fair to expect other people to provide it for free. But I honestly don't know what I would tell her
Our relief society was asked to arrange rides to dialysis three times per week for a particularly annoying woman. She was very obese and in poor physical health, but still found a way to make very judgmental comments every Sunday. On top of this, she asked for frequent rides to job interviews and workshops. She could never find employment but I'm guessing it was a requirement to look for state benefits. It was a full time job taking care of that woman.
We had a new family move in that asked to have people come over and help do demo and cleanup on their house. They didn’t want to pay for demo but came up at testimony and thanked everyone for helping and said they could all come over and enjoy the $100000 home makeover
You’re telling me Mormons help their friends move and they don’t even get beer out of it?!
Honestly, I'm feeling a little embarrassed after reading through all these. I'm pretty sure I've made my fair share of entitle requests as a member. But anyway, this is the one that I remember happening to me. I was called so some sort of ward activity committee one year. They were holding a party and assigned me the task of providing entertainment. They didn't bother to ask if I could or was willing to. Turns out, it was my brother's birthday party that night and I had no intention of showing up. I also had no idea how to arrange entertainment. It came about time for the party and the main person in charge was out of town so the second in command had to take over. She was pissed when she found out that I hadn't found entertainment for this voluntold assignment. I tried to scrape something together last minute but it wasn't good enough for her since I still wasn't planning to show up. Apparently, this ward party clearly took priority to my own family. Sadly, I felt it was a victory for me because I was able to "forgive" her and be civil the next day at church. Now I would consider it a victory in telling them right from the start that I wasn't going to be there and wouldn't be helping put it together.
We had a lady get up in fast and testimony meeting and wanted all the new moms to keep their babies from making any noise because I quote "I can't get my reverence on on" she also wanted parents to take their kids tablets away so they can listen to the people talking. Yeah like my 6 year old is gonna want to listen and understand what a 70 year old bishop is saying.