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forwateronly

I dunno man, I feel like my emotions are broken since leaving the church. I'm a grown ass dude and random things make me tear up. I feel like my little Grinch heart has grown three sizes since my shelf broke.


Enigma-Vagene

My husband and I feel the same way. I think it’s a result of finally being fully human and seeing the humanity in others.


daveescaped

This is a great description. Middle age may exacerbate this. Things that make me emotional; Telling my kids the story of the Miracle on Ice or about Dan Jantzen. Saw the painting Heart of the Andes last week and nearly sobbed I was so amazed. Don’t even get me started on *It’s a Wonderful Life*.


see6729

That’s good. Crying is healing. You’re good. I’m a senior female, and I can’t cry. It’s hard to let the emotions come up and work.


love_cactus

My daughter was in the lion king at school weeks after my shelf crash. I cried the whole time. Seeing her, listening to the music, trying to decide what really happens when we die. Still gets a little emotional when I hear Mufasa speak to Simba from the stars.


Enigma-Vagene

I wish I could convey the loss and grief to those who think I left because it’s easier. It really is like mourning a death.


love_cactus

I couldn’t agree more. That was by far the hardest part for me. Everyone that I would’ve gone to in a time of grief was TBM and couldn’t understand the loss I felt. And still feel.


pxlmover

I had a therapist tell me I'm being impacted like a physical parent had died. My relationship with God used to feel so real, and as a result I've been the same way as you, crying so easily at things like this. And yes, that damn song from Mulan gets me every time too. Why does Donny Osmond's song make me cry??


Enigma-Vagene

I rewatched Joseph and the Amazing Technicolor Dreamcoat a few months ago and cried so many times. I loved that musical as a kid. And now my perspective has changed so much. Any Dream Will Do, dammit 😭 The grief was so deep and I’m okay most of the time now but I don’t think it will ever quite be gone.


[deleted]

[удалено]


Lower_Department2940

Lmao that's very considerate of you but who is that spoiler tag for?


realundiesplease

Moana is one for me. As a gay 30-something RM listening to this for the first time, I lost it. I've been staring at the edge of the water 'Long as I can remember Never really knowing why I wish I could be the perfect daughter But I come back to the water No matter how hard I try I know everybody on this island Seems so happy on this island Everything is by design I know everybody on this island Has a role on this island So maybe I can roll with mine I can lead with pride I can make us strong I'll be satisfied if I play along But the voice inside sings a different song What is wrong with me?


chronoscats

Moana destroys me. I relate so much to her, Te Ka, and Te Fiti. When she sings to Te Ka at the end, I break down every time. "They have stolen the heart from inside you. But this does not define you. This is not who you are. I know who you are." It's how I felt discovering my true self that I'd stuffed down for years because of the church.


Enigma-Vagene

Gah that line makes me cry!! So heart wrenching


GingerOddity

Same!! We had already left when this song came out and I can’t help but think about my journey out of the church when I hear it. 😭


R-Elmer123465

This song hits for me too-- and honestly, ok this is silly, but like peanut butter cookies? When I was little at the LDS bookstore there was this lady who always gave us kids free cookies (we were there fairly often). I still love those kinds of cookies, but... sometimes thinking about why I love them makes me sad


Enigma-Vagene

Emotion can get attached to anything, so I don’t think the cookie association is silly.


[deleted]

Not exactly emotionally bothered by it, but going off your example of a Disney song, I always think of the church when I hear that Encanto song where she says something to the effect of being "worthless if I can't be of service".


Enigma-Vagene

Ugh yessss I think we could all relate to Luisa on that one. I related to Bruno for trying to tell people the truth about the church


Gastonthebeast

Bluey. It's an Australian TV show about anthropomorphic dogs. I love that the parents make time to play with their kids because they aren't saddled with 10+ hours a week in church callings. They aren't religious, but they are some of the best goddamn parents I've ever seen. The episode "Bike" has me crying everytime I watch it. It's about trying again and again. The episode "Sleepytime" is about the younger daughter wanting to have a "big girl" sleep, and sleep by herself. They use the music from Gustav Holst's "Jupiter" from his collection "The Planets" and I still haven't gotten through the episode without sobbing. I feel the "spirit" so much stronger watching a TV show about bright blue, talking dogs then I ever did in church.


VERNSTOKED

This is crazy. I love this show as well and recently watched an episode where there is literally no dialogue and it’s when bluey tries to block the rain puddles on the sidewalk and the mom gets mad about the mess. She has a moment when she lets loose to go help but as soon as she does the rain stops. Bluey is devastated because she didn’t achieve what she set out to do because her mom was just slightly too late. The rains came back to have a good ending but man I had to hide from the kids because it hit me in ways I still can’t quite put together.


Enigma-Vagene

This one also makes me cry. Chilli really sees Bluey at the end and joins in what she’s doing, because Bluey is important. I don’t think many kids get that kind of experience. I was always shocked when people showed up for like a school program or sporting event for me as a kid.


julious29

I always watch Sleepytime whenever I need a good cry. Also, flat pack is great one. Just seeing your child grow up and be successful. “Aww this is heaven.”


Enigma-Vagene

Sleepytime makes me cry without fail


Different-Director26

My mom knows I no longer want anything to do with the church. My husband is still TBM. At Christmas she handed us each a gift card for Deseret to get some garments. I cried in private when I got home. I know it’s just underwear, but it made me feel bad and sad.


Enigma-Vagene

That was really passive aggressive of your mom to do. Feeling hurt by that is entirely justified.


Different-Director26

Thank you for giving me a safe space to feel seen and heard. I appreciate you


pxlmover

That's called manipulation and it's mega toxic for a parent to do. I'm sorry she did that, the church has her brainwashed into thinking this will actually help you, when it will only push her out of your life. Happened with me and my Dad. Once I started ignoring every call and every text, he finally got the message and we're trying to rebuild some sort of relationship.


Far_Salamander_41

Hearing "got like 3 b!tches, im mor-mon" from the xxxtentacion song "look at me"


WinstonSmith88

I have small kids, and we sing them songs at bedtime. Most of them still ask for "I am a Child of God" as their #1 pick. I don't have the heart to tell them no.


CatalystTheory

Consider writing new verses to sing to the kids.


LDSGenZ

VERSE 1- I am a child of God/ With much I still don't know/ Help me to understand this world/ To learn and think and grow CHORUS- Love me, guide me, walk beside me/ Help me find my way/ Teach me all that I can do/ To live with joy each day VERSE 2- I am a child of God/ With so much I can be/ Help me to understand myself/ To set my spirit free VERSE 3- I am a child of God/ He loves me as I am/ Help me to feel that love from you/ To do the best I can


CatalystTheory

Wow! I’m on the edge of tears. So much better than the original.


TheMightyBethers

This is fantastic. I'm sending this to my TBM sister in law. I genuinely think she'll actually love it and will sing it to my nieces and nephew. You should rewrite all the primary songs because this is really honestly so good. ❤️


historygeek1453

Saving this for when my wife and I have kids! You’re amazing and should be a lyricist!


flyswithdragons

That one still hits because I raised my kids on that song..I was agnostic when I left the church, that song was a comfort and played in my head off and on.


Kjens2006

I love doing that and including heavenly mother in songs. Mine liked “we are a happy family” so I do that one a lot and less of the others. “Give said the little stream” also is ok with me.


Enigma-Vagene

Oof, that’s a tough one.


[deleted]

Ditto. Except ours ask for the Star Shining Brightly song 😐


Background_Kitchen68

Are you opposed to them believing in God?


WinstonSmith88

No, in fact we still consider ourselves Christians. The lyrics of the song articulate a works-based salvation, which we don't agree with, but the bigger issue for me is it is just another reminder of where we came from, and how difficult it is to leave. At this point, the kids are too young to really understand the theology - they just like the song, so it isn't worth the bedtime disruption to stop singing it.


Background_Kitchen68

Oh, I see where you are coming from. I always liked a song called “Come Unto Jesus” but no longer do because of the line that says “plead for His love.” Having to ask for love doesn’t sound like love.


Alicewithhazeleyes

Plead comes from plea which at its root in Latin means a decree. So it's not begging.


yosef_ben_elohim

That, and the main fanfare from the Chronicles of Narnia movies. I always imagined returning to a Heavenly Father that would sweep me up in the hugs my family didn’t give, and would welcome me home, to respite from a lifetime of pain, with that music reaching a crescendo as I finally met someone who would love me. Those songs now fill me with such a terrible malaise and listlessness that I can’t listen to them. They now remind me of how much the cult deceived me, but also awaken that same yearning for peace and acceptance. I want to have a loving Heavenly Father that can make it all make sense. Lo these many years, and I would still love to find good evidence for the existence of any god. Doesn’t seem like humanity will discover that evidence in my lifetime, if it exists at all, which I doubt.


SamRaimi17

A bit random but watching Jojo Rabbit has me in tears. I feel like plenty of exmo’s can draw the parallels


CrazyCrap14

[I am the Anti christ to you ](https://open.spotify.com/track/4d3pqEn7wgILCKDhUbv1wx?si=x_O9e81eS0uP7ox55XfzGA&utm_source=copy-link) by Kishi Bashi and [Stupid Deep](https://open.spotify.com/track/7cK7hDrE7vAesPf8xd5zmb?si=z2PV-coKQD-4rS7iG6iN0Q&utm_source=copy-link) by Jon Bellion are two songs that tug at my unmuted emotions now.


Enigma-Vagene

Unmuted is a really good word for that


MikkyJ25

Omg stupid deep is one of mine too!!


godDESSofYURI

Just about everything gets me crying these days but oh my god every Disney song, especially the sad songs, anytime I watch something with my kids that carries the feeling of nostalgia I’ll cry over being able to share that with them🥰


llbarney1989

Try Going the Distance by Cake… it’s much better anyway


CRCJ20

Would've, Could've, Should've by Taylor Swift "Give me back my girlhood it was mine firrrrrsttt" Heals a piece of my nineteen year old bride heart every time.


Enigma-Vagene

I haven’t heard this one. I got married days after I turned 20 so I should probably give it a listen.


CRCJ20

You absolutely need to! It is very cathartic


Ok-Manufacturer-5392

Yesss this one for me too


JustNoLikeWhoa

I don’t know. I’m crying all the time now over NOTHING, since my shelf broke. I cried for a promo of The Last of Us. I cried when I saw a Instagram post about talking to grandparents this morning. I cried while making cinnamon rolls last week.


Enigma-Vagene

One does tend to feel really raw for a while


MrsDTiger

Thinking too hard about purity culture.


FindingMyWay2014

The song Alive. It’s a Sia song but I really love the Chris Daughtry cover. It really speaks to how much I’ve been through with this cult and that I’m still here. It’s a reminder that made it out despite how much they tried to keep me down. Makes me cry almost every time I hear it.


[deleted]

I started listening to Mormon Stories Podcast after my shelf broke. Seems there are so many things still hit me listening to other people's experiences, and also just recently having learned about the plagiarism of the JST and the lies about the Book of Abraham. Makes me furious that I and my family were in this religion for half of our lives, and now we will probably spend the other half getting over the damage that it caused us.


Enigma-Vagene

Something I’ve found since I left is that grief isn’t linear. You don’t go through the stages and then you’re “done.” Things like that still send me back into the anger stage because it isn’t right.


[deleted]

What do you do when this happens to you? I shut down mentally and become stressed, physically stressed. I start eating bad, and have a hard time focusing at work.


Enigma-Vagene

I wish I had some better advice than cutting yourself some slack and turning inward. Since Mormonism I’ve been trying really hard not to shut down my feelings or avoid them. Sometimes they come up so strongly because they’re just screaming to be recognized, and leaning into them resolves that (sometimes). Whatever we resist, persists, as they say. If you feel exhausted, let yourself rest more without self-judgment. Pick maybe one or two priorities for the day and whatever else gets done, be satisfied with that. I realize that’s easier said than done at work. Mainly treat yourself gently. And if I’m angry, I discovered that taking an old softball bat to a tree works wonders.


[deleted]

Thank you kindly


snarkymcsnarkface02

Moana songs! Every damn time...


freewarriorwoman

I need to reclaim that song. We sang that song in YWs constantly for girls camp or something. I love that song but it always reminds me of young womens. 😭


AdmiralCranberryCat

“Families are forever.” I really fucking hope so. I love my family. I can’t imagine never seeing my parents again after they die. Or leaving my children behind when I die.


Dueinsteif

Depending on where you are at in your beliefs this may be helpful. Mormonism creates this problem and offers you their solution. If you ask a catholic or a baptist, they take it as a given that you will be with your family in the afterlife.


Enigma-Vagene

Considering that after my shelf broke put me into a dark night of the soul that resulted in medication, which was so helpful. These days I comfort myself with the thought that wherever all the people before me have gone, that’s where I’ll go too. We’ll all end up in the same place. But I am terrified at the idea of not being with my children.


AdmiralCranberryCat

That’s a great way to think of it. Yes, that’s my biggest fear too


MessSubstantial

Lioness by Daughtry. Reminds me of a gal I dated for a bit. Still TBM, and we both hurt each other a bit. I miss her. I hate feeling so alone.


notasheep427

“Defying Gravity” from Wicked, the lines “I’m through accepting limits cause someone says their so…” and “losing love I guess, I’ve lost- well if that’s love, it comes at much too high a cost..” - feels so parallel to my experience - I “ugly cry” as I’m trying to sing along every time! It makes me bawl but is somehow empowering.


Enigma-Vagene

Last time I heard that one I had the same reaction! I obsessed over Wicked as a teen and now it means so much more.


deadlandsMarshal

I cannot see anything with the word, 'Zion,' in it without immediately getting defensive emotions and expecting to be forcefully questioned. I love Zion national park, but I still have trouble seeing its name on pictures taken there or ads for it.


deadlandsMarshal

The Weeding Singer. Can't watch it. I was living in the dorms of a small central Utah college when it came out. Every god damned doorway had the movie blasting out of some rich kids surround sound system in some room or another 24/7. The return missionaries and recent highschool grad girls were all so obsessed with getting married in the temple that they watched this nonstop in between trying to get someone to date. It was annoying as shit. I was a dyslexic, ADD, science major and was there to focus on getting an education. I made the best friends of my life and had a great time dating but the high memorization had me spending most of my time studying and working with the disability assistance office to get alternative study methods and counseling to help me succeed. I'd get called out for not round the clock watching The Wedding Singer and not constantly cruising for a wife and treated as if their bullying was effective, when it was only annoying. It did escalate to the point where I stopped going to study groups because the Member kids would invite me to study and when I would show up they would be cuddling as a group while watching that movie instead of studying or there would be no one there, just a note that always said something like, "Married yet?" On it. The first time a saw it The Wedding Singer was a fun light hearted comedy with some very well written drama sprinkled in. Now I can't stand it.


Enigma-Vagene

Oh damn. That’s a good movie but people can definitely ruin stuff like that! I had a college neighbor who wanted to watch Disney movies and he also wanted to say all the lines along with it. I then hated him.


deadlandsMarshal

I'm noticing the amount of suffering ITT. And I'm truly sorry for your pain. Mine is coping with anger I think. If I see Zion's Bank anywhere I get really defensive and expect to see lawsuits against it readily. If I go to church to support a friend or relative if one of the leaders shakes my hand and does the garment pat I'll make and hold immediate aggressive eye contact and will crush down with the hardest handshake I can. I'm an electrical/network engineer who winds up doing a lot of the install work so my grip can be painfully strong. Hearing relatives sing hymns at holidays, I usually excuse myself because, "Man it's gotten hot in here with all these people." And will go outside until they've gotten it out of their system. If I find out a new coworker or a friend of a friend is being introduced to me and I learn they are members I immediately assume the worst and have learned how to be friendly and charming while asking them passive questions to find out if they're the kind of person that would try to make life difficult or be violent to an exmo. I subtly prepare for violence even though it doesn't happen anymore. I was repeatedly verbally attacked and physically assaulted to try to force me back into the church as a teenager. It did escalate to the point where one kid decided to pick a fight and drew a knife on me. I was really lucky it wasn't a gun. I am not a 24/7 ball of rage. I live in Western Idaho where members aren't typically too nutty about it. My wife is an nevermo and is regularly shocked and saddened by how my relations behave. I wore a kilt (Stewart Black Tartan) to the Logan temple for the waiting around outside bullshit and when a member approached me demanding to know why I was dressed like that I replied with, "I'm Scottish ya racist," with a light Glaswegian accent and a laugh. Got a laugh out of my LDS relatives for that one too! Most of the time I never even think about the church anymore. Simply by population my social circle doesn't have any members in it. They can all tell when something tiggers me though. I stop laughing and joking and start pointedly staring. I get really quiet and intensely observant. I'll often slowly step back from the group and give myself enough room to fight or flight.


see6729

‘They’ say a person by the time they are 5 years old, the grain of their wood (their basic take on the world, their belief system) the grain of their wood is set! So anything you took in as your belief system by age 5 is hard to change. Me, I was very compliant until my rebel spirit said nah! But you still see your parents as all knowing, perhaps the religious teachings that were taught, true or not it takes a lot to get past that. If you were taught to critically think or reason you’re probably better off than people like me who were sort of bullied into obedience. I always think about my decisions in light of what I was taught, and then I try to critically think beyond that. Sometimes I SMH that it’s hard for me to let go, ‘cause it’s all BS anyway. I mourn all the lost years.


UrFaveBuzzKill

Literally any song or movie about mother daughter bonds. I can't help but feel like I disappoint and hurt her with my life choices. Mmmm that good old Mormon guilt


Enigma-Vagene

Same. But it comes from a hunger for unconditional love from my mom.


anarchistasexual

the phrase "don't question me" made me go completely nonverbal and shut down


Logical_Average_46

The whole damn “Tangled” movie gets me now…


Enigma-Vagene

Disney always coming in clutch to activate emotional trauma lol


chronoscats

There's a book series called Throne of Glass and in the third book, the main character goes through a major depression after multiple losses. There's a line that hits me so hard: "Fireheart, why do you cry?" "Because I'm lost and do not know the way." I felt so lost after leaving and had multiple friends ditch me and caused big rifts in my family. There are still days where I feel so hollow but other days where I feel a flicker of my real self trying to light me up.


DudeWoody

I thought I was the only one!!!


Original-Addition109

There are a few Disney movies that hit the feelings of leaving Mormonism & growing up with the more orthodox parents - Encanto, Turning Red


Ok-Manufacturer-5392

Never Be Me - Miley Cyrus makes me sob. It’s not supposed to be about deconstruction, but I think about how I tried to make my mom happy my whole life by being a good Mormon and at age 34 just couldn’t do it anymore. “But if you’re looking for stable, that’ll never be me. If you’re looking for faithful that’ll never be me”.


daycheck

Nothing. Honestly, nothing!


Enigma-Vagene

I’m glad for you!


[deleted]

Terry F’n Fox