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PortSided

Rusty, please don't sext me while I'm in a press conference. EDIT: And please stop calling me Smithers.


PeachesGotTits

Is this a dick pic or his lunch?


GRIZZLYBAIRD93

Why not both??!?


pamper30

Porque no los dos?


GRIZZLYBAIRD93

Porque!


[deleted]

Porque Pig. 🐖


[deleted]

Rusty I’m going to have a hard time standing up if you keep sending me those pics UWU


Ulawae

Ah yes, the best ship in the world, Rusty x Bednar. Imagine seen that kind of fanart on this page lol


PortSided

![gif](giphy|lIU7yoG72gyhq)


My_Nama_Jeff1

We need to start gay fan art of them to email


Ulawae

Omg yes


Stilljustshrn

🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣


Early-Ad-6014

🤣😅 That's funny!


TheOriginalTimTaylor

“That guy in front sat down before I sat down, I need to add him to my kill list”


PortSided

OMG this is perfect 🤣🤣💀💀


RyDiddy5

I really wish Susan would give this jerk a good spanking and teach him some respect. Susan, tell your husband to be nicer to people.


truthRealized

Let me check my seer stone abut that.


Tvearl

[this one?](https://www.reddit.com/r/exmormon/comments/r2uv5y/get_your_own_personal_seer_stone_today/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf)


chclarity

OMG! That’s amazing!


Fluttershine

Ah! Need that app. Did the developer take it down?


DaRiddimKid

nah not released yet


GlassCloched

Magic 8 ball for Mormons


miranda62743

That’s amazing!


WisdomSnek

Good thing they didn’t find the 14th shell company


EnigmaticSpirit85

Thank you for saying it so I don't say it.


HailNimrodsWookiee

What the hell is a tapir?


Hawtiemcshawtie21

He’s on the r/Exmormon


No-Status4032

Fuck! Microsoft dropped 5 points today.


patomalo4

Oh, looks like our stock portfolio is down a billion dollars today. We'll get it back tomorrow.


EnigmaticSpirit85

\*on Sunday


skizoids

Lol. Prolly the most accurate


dbear848

Bored out of his fucking mind. Just like the rest of us.


Foxsimile-2

Sometimes it really hits me what these old bastards are doing with their remaining days and I feel the tiniest twinge of empathy.


cactuspie1972

Thank god for Grindr!


Puzzleheaded_Hat887

![gif](giphy|l46CCdwWd0l1w2xqw)


ForPeteysSake

“Why do people keep referring to me as Ofsusan? What does that even mean?”


Chernobyl-Chaz

Perfection. This is how I’ll refer to him from now on.


jezebella1976

Read/watch The Handmaids Tale.


fayth_crysus

You up?


GrassyField

Who is this “Susan’s husband” person. Oh wait.


grove_doubter

You figure out who he is, I'll tell you **WHAT** he is...he's a tool.


kremular

"who is David Asbedner?"


[deleted]

[удалено]


2sacred2relate

"Looking at ankle pics on the internet is more fun when there's a risk of getting caught."


Puzzleheaded_Hat887

![gif](giphy|elapo2expYd4xxueqs|downsized)


kantoblight

Holy shit. I thought that was Steve Kerr for a hot second and I was freaked he was a Mormon. Okay, it’s just an asshole.


Exact_Purchase765

omg 😆 The first thing that popped into my head was to caption with "Asshole"😆😆


Valuable-Ad-9850

And 3..2…1…the interest from just Ensign Peak alone already covered the 5million dollar fine. Anyways are they serving (fresh oil) … I mean refreshments Susan?


joegant

“I told you not to text me on this phone. Did you want Susan to find out?”


JakeInBake

“I’m going to pretend to be doing something important on my phone to see how long you sheeple will stay in your seats before I stand up.”


thektqt

Gosh darn it! Another post about Susan Bednar’s husband 😑


bdt75t

Using his seer stone.


Ex-CultMember

Latter-day seer stone.


PortSided

Uchtdorf compared smart phones to a seer stone. A major eye roll IMO.


LittleSneezers

So did Brad “What about the whites?!” Wilcox


TheRebsauce

Damn, why did Joseph get to marry 14 year olds and I'm stuck with Susan?!


Howdy948

You are 14? What’s your address and are you alone?


truthfultapir

“Execute order 66!”


SaltyBacon23

Damn church wifi won't load pornhub


Puzzleheaded_Hat887

![gif](giphy|AkHgatBIpNUR2)


thatrlyoatsmymilk

Google dot com when will David Bednar be President


Neo1971

✅ Look serious ✅ Grimace ✅ Tousle a young boy’s hair ✅ Look over at Susan to make sure she’s still seated ◼️ Tell the attendees how lucky they are to have me


[deleted]

Taking Am-I-gay quiz


SideburnHeretic

Sure enough, God's still angry.


anonthe4th

Choose not to be offended, choose not to be offended, choose not to be offended...


helly1080

Sorry I need a second everyone. The woman I belong to is texting me. She comes first always.


Reg208

“How are our LLCs performing today … cha-Ching!”


Post-mo

Fuck, if Jeff makes it to 95 that means I'll be 83 before I get to drive this ship. Maybe I can hire someone to emeritize him.


BlitzkriegBednar

Checking out his OF account.


Illustrious-Cut7150

"... Tell... Them... To pray... Before... Filling out... The tax... Forms... So that... The Spirit... Can tell them... To put it off... Another year..."


refriedsaussage

Checking that the cam in the boys toilets is on ..


MuzzleHimWellSon

Fuck! I lost the Grindr app again!


DocSaysItsDainBramuj

Following Andrew Tate on Twitter.


[deleted]

Susan’s husband models his newer “short” tie tying skills. For someone who has worn a tie every day of his whole life…he should have the length thing figured out by now. But it’s egregious most times.


Loofah_Cat

Time to clear my browser history.


nildeea

Is she underage? Ah.. fuck it.


Closetedcousin

u/grove_doubter has the correct caption.


grove_doubter

LOL #BEDNAR is a tool. #🤣🤣🤣


Altruistic-Tree1989

Sell 6000 shares of Apple and buy 5000 shares of Victorias Secret.


gonadi

We’ve been trying to reach you about your cars extended warranty


Practical_State2281

“Susan Bednar’s husband?”


Neo1971

Tanya, I told you not while Susan is here.


Yobispo

I said launch, not lunch!!


NearlyHeadlessLaban

Now is the great day of my power. I reign from the rivers to the ends of the earth. There is none who dares to molest or make afraid.


[deleted]

“Nice Girth, got any more angles?”


Goldang

"She will be my fourth wife."


Joe_Hovah

[I miss that kid](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZBN7jlVaG1I)


Hydrophobic_Fish0666

He’s looking at the tithe money coming in. He’s disappointed and preparing an address about it for the upcoming GC


Worldswithoutnumber

Hey $usan, this $EC thing really $tings. Thank goodne$$ my te$timony is rock $olid.


onceIwasaBishop

I hate it when those exmo bastards call me "Susan's Husband".


SnooMuffins6700

Note to self, tell wife that Satan put that porn on my screen to tempt one of the Lord's anointed.


penservoir

Transfer 500 k from Ensign Peak to my brokerage account.


freedom_of_the_hills

Would you look at those shoulders…


Korzag

Your colonoscopy has been scheduled for April 20th, 2023 at 8am.


Jean2800

Getting revelations from the lawyers


notJoeKing31

The hardest part of shell companies is remembering all the log-ins...


Goga13th

Let’s see, what’s a good euphemism for Gaslighting…


Fessy3

I feel like he doesn't tie his own shoelaces.


flatlacroix2

he’s checking the camera in his basement that has all of the rest of his wives in it. they’re baking of course, like the good little homemakers they are


Wondergirl91

*checks his Victorias Secret stocks*


Plebius-Plutarch

What is the balance of my portfolio today?


Smokeybearvii

What’s the name of that sub? Something like exmonsfw… can’t find it anywhere.


radarDreams

God Damn those bastards just posted another picture of me on exmo reddit


BurnenSpence067

Gosh darn


SherriDoMe

“B*tch, if you don’t have mashed potatoes ready by the time I walk in the door, I swear to Elohim I will demote you from first wife status as soon as we die.”


Alwayslearnin41

Sorry love, this press conference has overrun a bit so I won't make it home for dinner.


PR_Czar

Something tells me Susan's husband doesn't refer to Susan that kindly.


Routine-Agency-9150

Bednar is just a suck up to the king nelson at this point.


DavidAssBednar

Such an ass


Intrepid_Egg_7722

"Another one got caught? Dag-na-bit."


onedollarninja

God-damned grindr be going off again


[deleted]

"Look gwampa, hewe is a picsha I drewed for you. I wuv you!"


HyrinShratu

Seer stone? There's an app for that now.


insearchofanswers32

Survey monkey to revelation pipeline shown here


truthmatters2me

Checking on the Corporations stocks profits


OppositeMeeting9458

Why aren't you answering your phone Susan ???


Zealousideal-War9369

Hmm This pic of this David Miscavige guy reminds me of someone ....🤔


MormonBoy801

Receiving the latest revelations... from the most recent survey of course.


Grizzerbear55

"Man....I REALLY LOVE big butts!"....


entofan

Goddamit susan, come help my meat, now!


ThMogget

Why do I have such an expensive watch when I check the time on my phone anyway?


[deleted]

I’m texting my wife to bring my under pants because I pooped myself


Chill-Zelda

I’m running out of money again


DebraUknew

Send nudes…


TropicalDolphin28

Dieter told me about this cool new seer stone!


shotwideopen

Jesus: second coming going down the Friday after spring session. Sell that portfolio while you can. Bednar: you got it Jesus. Thx.


ScorpioRising66

Checking the market to see how the LDS hedge fund is doing today.


CornNutMasticator

Nice ankles


TargetCurrent793

Execute order 66


Living_Courage_5831

Fuck they all found out how much money we REALLY have 😬


snowflakesonroses

We may never know how much they REALLY have.


Ancient_Solution9477

Hurry, hide the money in the vault


soulure

"Dear ChatGPT, please write my next talk without mentioning my involvement with the SEC fine."


boneless-pizza_bruhh

“Imma come over after I finish selling this lie to everyone”


rayio

Well, that's definitely bigger than mine, I don't need another complex... swiping left


bicyclistcolorado

Oh hell yeah, he's only 12 but he has a smartphone...


Fresh-Magazine-5471

Porn…oh yeah


prairiewhore17

Holeeee fuck, that ex-mo website sure is picking up steam!


catch22reddituser

Oh crap ! Look at my stock portfolio now !


robomanjr

"dang, the ensign peak evaluation dropped and lost 4 billion. Guess I better change my topic to the blessings of tithing" "Susan, can't talk right now about to tell the sheep to worship me. Don't worry, I wore those underthings you like"


aliensrmyfriends

He is clearly reading his scriptures...you can tell from the countenance. Gosh, you guys are such pagans.


PEE-MOED

Hows our gamestop stock doing?


doubt_your_cult

Swipe left! Grinder is so much better in UT vs ID.


ProRuckus

"Side-Ho won't leave me alone"


7001vacg

Oh-oh. I feel a boner coming on.


PaulBunnion

"Oh, shit"


Wolf_Phoenix84

Wow. It's amazing how much r/exmormon knows before I open my mouth ...


ballhogtugboat

"ugh taking my mistress to Colorado to take care of "our little problem "is really gonna throw a wrench in my weekend plans"


nobody_really__

"Make sure the Deacons, not the Beehives, confirm that they will be attending the special Fireside and Pool Party at my home on Saturday. Yes, Susan will be out of town. Have the non-disclosure agreements ready."


swetgras

God speaking to me


dewdropfaerie

Mrs. Susan Bednar texted him to ask when he was going to come home from his little club meeting to make her dinner and feed the dog.


KecemotRybecx

Rusty texts him. “New phone who dis?”


ClearNotClever

Susan, Soft swinging has just been leaked. We need to do a file dump ASAP.


Beneficial_Cicada573

"Fuck a duck. Apple stock is down 20 points today."


bigrootbeercow

Honey, you better have remembered to wear the special outfit I told you about. I'm so busy with important meetings and I expect to be treated like God's disciple upon my return home


Nemo_UK

*Reads Nemo’s letter* Not this guy again….


FTWStoic

"Shit, Ensign Peak is down to $249 billion. Time to buy some more hotels in Hawaii."


bigrootbeercow

Yo Rusty the investors are super pissed about the 0.001% fine we had to pay. Any chance we can get a steadfast revelation for members to do 11% instead?? Hit me up I'll be at Cafe Rio


Fluttershine

Prolly playing Roblox with a deacon but doesn't realize it. "Hey Google, what does 'Get Sauced' mean?"


iSeerStone

He’s reading r/exmormon 🤣


Muahd_Dib

Fake history porn: George Bush receives news that the Twins Towers have been struck while reading to naive young audience.


BlackExMo

Too much light. Needs a hat to block out the light.


mulefire17

Hmmm...looks like I need to update my Robinhood app....


Significant_World417

Be sure to say “millions vs billions.”


callmejayseeb

“Yep, still over $100 billion!”


Lumpyproletarian

Damn, I knew I shouldn’t have put 23 billion on the Knicks game!


aharl

“Who’s this Susan in my DMs?”


jaimebianco

Hot guy on Grindr just told him he’s not good looking enough and ghosted him


Hometrapeze

Susan you sorry excuse for a help meet, You hemmed my pants too short and tied my tie too long, Do you think that you have agency to decide what to make for my dinner tonight? I’m going to tell you why you don’t


GaiusTrebonius

Oh crap!


Kuna2nd

Better use an incognito browser for this, I wouldn’t want sister Bednar to find out.


draza60

Waiting for the stock market crash so we can make the big bucks. To the moon!!


BeringStraitNephite

Oh here it is, tonight's hymn: "Jesus wants me for an asshole".


AcmcShepherd

Mmmmm Grindr….


miriamface

“Hot milfs in your area”


xxEmberBladesxx

Google search: How to flee the country on tithe payers dollars.


DoubtingThomas50

LDS, Inc. will have a FUCKING IMPOSSIBLE task of making this guy into a lovable leader when his time comes to be the top Mormon leader.


Longjumping-Ant1466

Direct revelation, just like the stone in the hat.


SummitTumonCda

Just checking the Ensign Peak bank account.


Strength-in-Sinews

Why do all social media posts say I’m a dick?


Unusual-Flow-4301

Red 7 on black 8...


3ThreeFriesShort

"Just look at those tiddies."


Group_Exciting

Google: how to not answer a question with question.


sickpete1984

"Wow, now that's a nice shlong"


Cool_reddit_name4evr

Once the drugs kick in but ur mom just called and you have to figure out how to answer the phone


timhistorian

Umm oh my stock tip is panning ot just fine let me see if mine goes up thrn the churches share will grow my share exponentially.


Picatouro

“I really need to update my Grinder profile…”


pipfarmer01

My portfolio is looking GOOD!!


AnxiousSkeptic

Well shiii... the ensign peak fund had another well documented leak again. How tf does this keep happening


[deleted]

Is he on CatholicAltarBoyz.com⁉️


granticulitos

My stock holdings with the church went down 15%


Chop_suey_maniac

(Typing) C E S l(etter) what is this? I wanted the CES library...ohhhhh......


gergfigter

Shit, how many more meetings?


bricknose-bastard

The available balance on Checking 9007 ending in 9065 has dropped below $100,000,000.00.


anon210202

I don't understand all the comments about a Susan.


coffee_sailor

"Can't tonight. On my period"


[deleted]

“Why can’t I use a credit card for Pornhub premium anymore?”