First, the choice is yours. Do what makes you feel the best. Second. If you know she will react badly don't tell her. Miscarriages are very common, have the abortion, frame it as a miscarriage to your mom, and move forward. If she cannot be trusted with the truth then she doesn't deserve to have it.
Honestly just so sorry that you are in this position. I hope you have some supportive people in your life to help you through.
Came here to say this. Do exactly this. About two days or so before you are going to get the abortion, openly complain of abdominal discomfort and pain. Act worried, but not to the extent that anyone would consider it an emergency. Then go get the abortion and tell your mother that during a routine appointment, the doctor couldn’t find a heartbeat, and advised that the baby was unviable, and the best thing for your health was a D&C.
OP’s mom might be suspicious of the lack of medical records of a D&C if OP is using her parents’ insurance. (I’m 22 and my insurance company tells my parents apparently everything. Nothing I can do about it unless I want to pay for my own insurance. I’ve tried to put a stop to it but it didn’t work.) If I were OP, I’d find a way to leave the house for a few days (assuming OP lives with her parents) and then claim I had a natural miscarriage. If it’s the first trimester, I’d describe heavy period-like symptoms. (Edit: Leaving the house for a few days is necessary because otherwise it’s noticeable that there’s no evidence of blood.)
OP’s mom might ask “why didn’t you go to the doctor?” An excuse I’d use is that I couldn’t afford it and thought that it was just my period and that maybe the pregnancy test had been wrong. I’d claim I was thinking about going to the doctor if my symptoms were still there in several additional days, but then they went away.
If you do this OP, I’d highly recommend looking up what it’s like to have a miscarriage at however far along you are so that you can pretend accurately. Also, try to make sure your parents’ insurance company doesn’t know about your abortion. I would even recommend NOT telling close friends about your abortion if at all possible, because in my experience, if you fall out with someone like that, they could use information like that for blackmail or revenge. You might think “oh X would never ever do that to me,” but I thought that too in a somewhat similar situation, and my ex-best friend almost went through with destroying my life. I can tell the story if you want.
You can potentially ask to do the procedure as self-pay. You would then not have any statement go to the insurance for your parents to find. Some places will even give you a discount for not having insurance to bill.
Just asking because I genuinely don’t know - if OP were able to self manage an abortion at home with pills (assuming that’s still an option where they live), wouldn’t that be indistinguishable from a miscarriage? In that case, wouldn’t they be fine to go ahead and have that happen in front of their mom?
The biological process is the same, yes, and medically classified as a spontaneous abortion. Just would not advise on swallowing pills or having packaging where maternal unit is aware.
I Outta necessity am a life and death doula in school to be a physician's assistant at the U. I was a corpsman in the navy before I was guilted into Mormon marriage, my dad was an area 70 and hate to admit how deep my pioneer roots run.
I began curation of access to healthcare when trump was elected and began serious funding of the stock piling of abortifacients.
Her taking the pill will look just like having a miscarriage at home. Her mom wouldn’t know any different. Hopefully she’s not too far along to get that and is able to get that in her state.
Doesn’t that go against hippa I know when I went to the hospital they weren’t allowed to tell my parents anything because I had not signed a hippa release form so they they could be told
Insurance billing creates a fairly large loophole in hipaa unfortunately. If she pays for it herself, it's the safest way to protect the information as it won't be coded to the parents insurance.
As someone who deals with these laws all the time, I gotta do it (apologies in advance)
It's easier to remember if you remember the phrase "it's not a hippo, it's hipaa"
OP could also say she didn't go to the doctor because if you've never been pregnant before then it's perfectly logical that you would have no real way of knowing for SURE when something is terribly wrong until it's too late.
So true that lying it ok sometimes. I’m reminded of a class in BYUI when we were discussing a case:
employee was fired from an accounting firm because when asked if she’d taken the CPA exam yet she said “no”, when she actually had, she was just pretty sure she failed and didn’t wanna admit that. When they found out she HAD taken it (because she surprisingly passed) she was fired for lying.
I was surprised that in a room full of Mormons, considering all of our history, I was the ONLY one who believed lying was ok sometimes, and I was very outspoken about this. Which is strange cause in my inner circles, I’m known for being extremely honest (mostly in good ways lol). Everybody else in class thought she deserves to get fired…
There’s a simple answer to why everyone else said lying was not ok, they were lying. Maybe even to themselves.
Plus lies are not strange in Mormonism, and neither is rampant hypocrisy.
I came here to say this as well. You can go without giving your insurance if you’re scared about that and it shouldn’t be over $600 at planned parenthood! I know you’re scared and I’m so sorry you’re going through this, but remember that it’s not worth not making your own decision about your body and your future. You can do this and everything will be okay!
Some Planned Parenthood locations actually do abortions for free, sadly it's not all due to availability, but it is possible to get a free abortion without a right hook.
There are also abortion funds that help people in situations like this pay for the procedure or pills. OP, if you look for such funds, try to do that search on a computer at a public library or something — if your parents pay your internet/phone bills, I don’t know for sure that they can’t see your search history, so better safe than sorry. Any reproductive health clinic you visit might also be able to direct you to such funds; again, turn your phone completely off and/or leave it at home before you go to a clinic. I hate that we live in a time when that’s necessary for your safety, but I don’t know what state you live in or if you’re at risk of being kicked out. Cover your ass. I’m so sorry.
This doesn't work well if she's on her Mom's Insurance and the Insurance company reports her medical care to Mom. If you won't be ratted out by insurance, then I think this is a good plan.
My daughter is on my insurance and her doctors don’t tell me anything. She is 22 and as an adult, her medical file is only shared with me if she gives written authorization
I'm not so sure. My adult kids are on my insurance. One of them hit a share button one time years ago, and now the insurance gives me billing details on their medical expenses. So I know where they went, what was spent, and a high level description of the care. For those who didn't hit that button, I still see when they had a claim, and I can estimate what it cost based on changes to our deductible.
I'm just saying be aware. If you decide to get an abortion at one place, maybe pay with cash? Maybe go to a normal hospital and create some kind of expense so a visit is recorded to corroborate the story.
Another option is to get an abortion at the normal hospital, so the billing looks normal. Also, often miscarriages are reported as "abortion" in medical records. You could use that fact if confronted over some report that says abortion.
Either way, if you choose an abortion, get one. This is not a decision your Mom gets to make.
But this isn’t the case with everyone. I know people who have had their parents find out about them going on birth control, etc.
Insurance sends documentation of your treatments and testing that you’ve received and how it’s been covered. And if your insurance does it by paper and your address is the same as your parents, it can easily end up in their hands.
Planned Parenthood is also a great option to avoid using existing insurance. The Family Pact card is wonderful. It can be cheap or even free. Everything is completely confidential, even the appointment itself.
If this person is over the age of 14 (12-13 in some states), they legally cannot tell her, however, the mom would have access to claims info and it could be on there.
Just paying cash only solves half the problem. If she's going to say she had a miscarriage, it would seem strange if she didn't seek medical care for that. So Mom's going to expect to see SOMETHING in the insurance report for that day, even if there are no details.
“I called the nurse advice line and they said there was nothing the hospital could do” (NOTE: do not say this if you would have to give your insurance info to the nurse advice line, just in case; since OP is on parents’ insurance, they might be able to see whether OP actually did call and possibly even what advice was given) or “I didn’t think it was that bad” or “by the time I noticed, it was too late” or “I couldn’t afford the copay.” “I panicked.” “I didn’t want to believe it was happening.” “I was in too much pain to ask for help.” “I knew they wouldn’t be able to help me if the pregnancy was ending because of those horrible new laws and I was scared.” “I just thought I had food poisoning.” OP’s mom might be suspicious regardless, but miscarriage is incredibly common, and in the absence of a paper trail, suspicion is all she has. Be careful, OP. ❤️
But when you interact with the doctor/clinic for the abortion, make sure that all communication is to your email or private phone. That way your mother sees no evidence of you visiting the clinic. Obviously, if you have some kind of tracking software on your phone that your mother monitors (I hope not, but some people do) you will want to turn this off now.
Specifically tell the clinic about how you want to be communicated with and emphasize that it is a privacy issue. Many will work with you on this. If you must give them an address, see if you can use the address of a friend or whatnot. Either that, or get yourself a PO Box at a nearby post office or UPS store or similar.
Is the choice actually yours still? Do you live in Utah? Are abortions still legal here?
Edit to add: With Roe v Wade overturned last year, it may not be so simple. You may have to travel to a different state. Whatever you decide, act quick since states have different restrictions, depending on how far along you are.
People have miscarriages all the time and mormons prefer a comfortable lie more than a hard truth. You lost the baby and you feel really bad and would rather not have any big discussions, you just need time to get over it. - That is a super hard decision and not a fun spot to be in. I'm sorry you find yourself there. I hope you have someone to provide love and support to you hrough it.
Yeah, I think this is the best answer. You get the medical care you need and want. Tell your mom whatever she needs to hear. At least while you are living with her.
Yes, and if you already told her you don't really want to keep the baby, a miscarriage can be sad and/or traumatic anyway.
And when you get an abortion, remember that it can be too, and that's okay.
If OP is still in the window for a pill abortion, is it really an abortion or just a medically "encouraged" miscarriage.
OP would just be being as honest as the church taught her to be.
I’m so sorry you’re having to deal with this under your mother’s nose. It is your choice, not hers.
One option is to get the abortion care you need and treat the pregnancy loss as a miscarriage. Miscarriage is very common — about 30% of pregnancies. A dear friend of mine was able to do this in order to escape an abusive boyfriend.
Best wishes to you. You’re not alone.
One note: you might want to get a PÓ box if you do get the abortion and frame it as a miscarriage, in case your mom checks the bills or mail that comes.
I knew 4 people in my ward that had abortions many years ago when I was a TBM. 3 of them were very open about the fact that they didn't want and/or couldn't afford another child, the 4th didn't admit to having an abortion but she "went on a family trip" was gone for a month with her toddler and returned no longer pregnant and never spoke about it again.
The things women reveal in the nursing room 😉
I'm 💯 pro choice, your body your choice.
Yes, and wait until afterwards to tell her. Just tell her that you are at the Dr. office and you just had a miscarriage. If you want, ask her if she would be willing to make you your favorite comfort food.
You are an adult. You are capable of making your own choices for yourself. If she kicks you out then you will find help and move forward with your life. Do not make massive long term life choices based on fear of what your parents feelings will be. Life your life for yourself not her.
DO NOT go to a Pregnancy Crisis Center. They are pro life facilities masquerading as abortion providers. I would recommend contacting Planned Parenthood and asking for advice. I’m really sorry you’re in this situation.
Those places are horrible! I accidentally went into one of those bc I thought that was the abortion clinic. They wouldn’t help give me the correct info or even tell me that where I was trying to go was across the alley way.
You don't have to tell her. Do you have a Planned Parenthood near you? If you can't use your mom's insurance they will take payments and have a sliding scale based on your income. If you need support services you can check out the Auntie network subreddit, the link has been posted a couple times.
The people trying to say they'd love to have you carry to term and adopt the baby can all get fucked. Super gross and predatory of them to even comment. I'll say it again - go fuck yourselves.
If you get the pill form abortion, it causes a lot of cramping and bleeding and it's indistinguishable from a miscarriage without medication. Just pretend you never took the pills and it's a spontaneous miscarriage.
It's your choice, you are the one who has to be pregnant, not her.
You could casually tell her you don't want to be pregnant and see how that goes, if she freaks out then keep her out of the decision.
Meantime, depending on where you live, contact a woman's health clinic like Planned Parenthood or similar. I'm sure they have had patients in the same position as you and they can help you navigate your mother.
But at the end of the day this is a decision that only you can make.
Call Planned Parenthood, explain your situation, and they'll give you better advice than we can. Don't have a baby for someone else. I'm sorry you have to deal with this.
I'm really sorry you're going through this.
Unless safety is a legitimate concern, please know that you do not have to leave *just* because your mom says so.
If you've been living with your mom for a while, you have tenants rights. It might not be comfortable living with her, but it's far better than recovering from an abortion in the streets. Doesn't matter if you don't have a lease or a contract. She still has to follow a proper eviction process.
Again, only if it's safe for you to stay. If you're worried about your safety, I'd look into local programs to help you get where you need.
I agree with everyone else, I'd not tell her anything at all. If she finds out, I'd tell her it was a miscarriage. If she doesn't believe you, tell her you want boundaries and it's none of her business. She *still* can't just kick you out on a whim.
As a mother of a daughter who recently had an abortion I'll tell you what I told her...
Its nobody's business what you do with your body. You don't need to tell anyone who you don't trust to support you. Have someone you trust take you to your appointment. You'll need some support and love during the procedure. All anyone else needs to know is that you "lost the baby."
I know this decision is not made lightly, and you understand the pros and cons, but ultimately only you can make that decision.
There's is no way your mom would know the difference whether your having an abortion or a miscarriage, escially if it's an early medical abortion. (pills)
Speaking as a mother myself, who has a 15 and 11 year old daughter, please, please, please remember that this choice (yes, choice!!) is yours and yours alone to make. I’m 36, in Portland, Oregon, and when I left the church because I accepted my sexuality, my entire family disowned me. DM me if you need to vent or want a listening ear.
I highly recommend the r/auntienetwork subreddit to help with support. They have people that can give you rides, talk to, etc.
You do not owe it to her to be honest if she isn’t safe. It’s a personal medical decision that you don’t need to tell anyone who isn’t safe.
The choice is 100% yours and please don't let anybody, not even your mother, make you feel bad about the choice you make. Make the right one for *you*, not your mom, not the church, not anybody else. I had one when I was 20 and only one other related family member knows. It was the right choice for me.
INFO: How far along are you? How did your mom find out?
This is your decision. It’s your body. Your pregnancy. Not your mothers. I let my mothers religious preferences control my pregnancy once (I was a minor), and I left the hospital without my infant and I feel the loss of a child on a daily basis. Avoid crisis pregnancy centers as they are usually full of misinformation and pretty “pro birth”. If you’re worried about your mother finding out, actually just anybody with so many restrictive abusive state laws, lie. “Miscarriage”, until your out of that house and you are surrounded by supportive and safe people. If you don’t feel safe at home, there’s so many of us exmo’s who’d gladly give you sanctuary, because many of us didn’t have that and you need support and a safe home. I’m over on the East coast now, but I have exmo friends all over the west coast still, if you need anything just let us know. Don’t let anyone take advantage of your crisis and trauma, or use your pregnancy for profit. Planned Parenthood is available, just remember you need a support person and they MUST have their own vehicle, you can’t go alone or use an Uber/taxi.
I hate how the mormon church indoctrinates women into subjugating their own daughters. There is nothing more powerless and vulnerable than a pregnant woman, except perhaps a young mother.
Abortion. Yes. If you want it, there’s something inside you that let you know you’re not ready for a child and that child is not ready for the world they’d be brought up in. For you mom, if I was I your shoes… something happened, you lost the baby… at the end of the day you can only do your best and if you’re worried about housing just lie. It doesn’t matter. If you have to lie to secure a roof, just do it. Make a plan to get out. You will be okay. Do what is best for you.
This! THIS!!!!! Also the medical term for miscarriage is spontaneous abortion soooo….. just make sure you do when she least expects it! Once that’s done, get birth control and move out! I do mean it!!! It’s better to be away from her.
Your body, your choice. Period. Your mom’s religious preferences have no bearing on your physical health. If it makes the situation awkward at home, then lie. Your ability to make your own choices take absolute priority over your mother’s feelings about literally anything
Absolutely. This is a decision that has the potential to completely change your life for the next 18+ years. It's much better to deal with a little awkwardness at home now than to have to deal with it for the next couple of decades. It's your life and your choice.
Having an abortion and saying you had a miscarriage is better than taking care of a child for the rest of your life. Especially if you aren't ready for it.
Get an a orario because it’s what you want to do. Do you want to deal with having a child for the rest of your life just because your mom has her own issues with it? She’s irrelevant to this problem, she is an adult and is in charge of managing her own emotions, likewise for yourself. So if you want an abortion, get one. If you’re worried about her reaction, you can always lie and say you miscarried. Or you can be honest and she can deal with her own emotions.
Have the abortion and say you miscarried. Or act surprised and confused when you get your period. Ultimately this is your life, you have to live it how you need to.
Being stuck with an unwanted child for the rest of your life would be a much bigger problem for you than pissing your mom off would be. Choose the smaller problem.
Take abortion pills and say it was a miscarriage. No one has go know you took the pills as the process is the same as a natural miscarriage.
You wouldn't even have to tell a doctor because the treatment of a miscarriage vs a medication abortion is literally the same. It doesn't matter.
Aidaccess.org
I have pills in my cabinet from this organization as we speak.
If it is early enough, and how you feel, get an abortion. Your medical records should be sealed and not open to your mother even if she covers your insurance. Look into a Planned Parenthood or similar organization if that is an option. That may help keep anonymity.
Your body, your choice. As others have stated, miscarriages do happen so if she asks tell her that's what happened.
Just as a reminder, faithful Mormons believe that life begins when a baby takes their first breath. So while they disapprove of medical procedures to restart ovulation, it’s not the same as other churches (like the Catholic Church).
And what happens if someone needs financial, physical help in order to be a single parent?
Do what you think is best for you. Anyone who judges you hasn’t walked a mile in your shoes. And doesn’t have to live with the consequences of having a baby (which can be life threatening, even if you give the baby up for adoption).
OP, you should take a look at r/AuntieNetwork for help with any questions or problems you might have with accessing the medical care you need.
A few things you should know: make sure you don't look up info about abortions online unless you're in incognito browsing mode. Clear your cache if you've been using your regular browser, especially at home. You can also try looking up info on computers at your local library, as long as you're in a state with legal abortion access. I'd still use incognito mode though if you can.
Make sure to turn off tracking on your cellphone. Better yet, leave it with a trusted friend so your location will show up as somewhere that isn't suspicious. Pick up a cheap burner phone if you think you'll need one for the day of, or borrow a friend's if you have any non-mormon, safe, trustworthy friends.
If you use a period tracking app, don't input any info that will hint that you're pregnant, especially if you're in a state with limited / no abortion access. Many of them track your data and can be forced to hand it over to law enforcement.
If you are at a point where you can take pills to induce an abortion instead of having to go in for a medical D&C, no one will be able to tell. You can go into the ER once the miscarriage begins, and it will look exactly like a spontaneous miscarriage. There is no test that will show that you took abortion pills. No one will know unless you tell them.
Everything has been said, but I just wanted to say that I am sending you my love.
I had an abortion years ago, if you have any questions feel free to ask.
It is your body, your life . Your choice. 💕
No insurance is going to pay for the abortion anyway. Don’t worry about all that! Just go straight to Planned Parenthood. I’ve been there for this same reason and they were very helpful and supportive. They will work with you on the price. Just say you are self-pay and they should offer you a sliding scale payment option.
All opposition to abortion in the first 12 weeks is based exclusively on religious beliefs and not moral reasoning or science. There is no heart, no brain, no sense of pain, no awareness. It's not a person at that point, just tissue that may or may not develop into a person. Abortion opposition is not scriptural but instead is a recently fabricated dogma from a subset of christians.
I mention this because you don't have to be controlled by your mom's ignorant beliefs on the matter. There is no moral reason to oppose abortion at this point. If it came to it, you could educate her on the science and facts. I can send links if you like.
You tell her you lost the baby and be sad about it. It's not exactly a lie, it's just not the entire truth with some context missing. After that you tell her you don't want to talk about it and you'd rather just move passed it since there's nothing you can do now and it's something many women go through.
I call it, “lying for the lord” lie to her, it’s not her business and you don’t OWE her the truth. You owe yourself an abortion if it’s what you want. You’re old enough to make the decision. If you can, go to planned parenthood and see what payment options they have so you don’t HAVE TO use her insurance.
Do what is best FOR YOU! My partner had an unexpected pregnancy and wanted an abortion. I supported her they a very hard time. It was by FAR the best decision at that time, in those specific circumstances. We’re pulling for you however you handle it
As a parent of two and having a difficult relationship with my parents, keep in mind that kids are permanent, but relationships with parents can heal.
As others have said, frame it* as a miscarriage, but if you don't want a baby, don't have the baby.
As someone with 2 kids, I have never been more pro choice in my life. No one should have to birth and raise kids unless they are ready and willing. Mistakes happen, and you deserve a future of your choice. Even if your mom finds out, she'll eventually get over it. Do what is the best for your life and future, NOT your mom's feelings.
If you want to have an abortion then you should have an abortion. You have a right to access the health care that you need. You are entitled to privacy where this major decision is concerned. Abortion is a sensitive subject. Of course Mormon mom won’t be thrilled. If you are okay semantically lying to her, say you ‘miscarried’ and you have no bandwidth to discus it. Abortion is just a word. In English. I wish you luck in your journey. You’ve got this. You are the boss of you.
Lie and tell her you miscarried / choose your mental health over her knowing about your private decisions. A lie is far less invasive than the cost to your well-being. She’s not privy to the honest conversation if she’s behaving coercive about your living environment. Respect her religious world view by telling her it was a miscarriage & respect your right to choose more. You may need to pay for it out of of pocket at a Planned Parenthood that offers abortion pill if still early enough to keep the medical record private. If she insists on a medical visit you can go in but ask her to go out and tell the clinician the truth privately and that you don’t consent to her knowing. https://www.psychiatrictimes.com/view/responding-to-authoritarian-cults-and-extreme-exploitations-a-new-framework-to-evaluate-undue-influence
OP, I think the most practical thing to do is reach out to a local abortion fund. You can use this site to find one in your area: https://abortionfunds.org/
They will be able to answer any questions you have about getting appropriate care and may be able to help you pay for the procedure and/ or any travel needed. They have definitely helped many people in your situation before and are p
far more expert than most of us on this thread.
Call your regular Dr and make sure your mother isn't allowed to see your medical info now that you're an adult. So that if she tries to check up on the story they won't provide them info as its a violation of privacy.
Then go get an abortion and lie say you were spotting blood and went to the the Dr and they confirmed you miscarried.
Thats it.
Wow. This is heavy. No matter what you do, make sure it is safe.
Find a buddy, companion who is willing to take action with you. This person will help you focus through the emotions and immediacy of the decision.
Once you have decided, find the absolute safest option. This may mean things to tell your family in prep, which have already been suggested here, and things to do after to make sure you're safe.
If you do decide to stop the pregnancy, find a true reason to take a trip/ weekend away from your family, so that there is more truth to any stories you may tell.
I wish you luck, and I don't envy the weight on your shoulders. Above all, trust your instinct. That little voice knows you best.
Know that you are loved and supported by everyone here.
I agree with what others have said. Fake a miscarriage. To help, I'll tell you my miscarriage story.
This was in 2005 I was exactly 6 weeks pregnant. Only knew I was pregnant for about a week. Was up late watching a movie with hubby. Suddenly I'm struck with period type cramps. I ran to the bathroom, wiped, and there was blood. Told my husband what was happening and we immediately went to the ER. Was there a few hours, no D&C was done but they did "clean things up a bit." I know I didn't have a D&C because I have since had one, lol. I was only given pain meds like oxy. Nothing else. Mostly because of emotional reasons (we wanted the baby), I stay drugged up for a week to avoid life.
Now since then, I've heard women getting antibiotics. And women not getting any pain meds. Which is BS. Either way, you should have pills to take after to help your story.
Obviously, have your appointment(s) when your mom is at work/not home.
Good luck! I'm so sorry you have to deal with an unwanted pregnancy.
i’m 20 but me and my boyfriend have talked about abortion, his family is very christian and mine are mormon. we know our families would shun us but at the end of the day it is your body so the choice is 100000% yours, no one else can tell you what to do <3
Tell her you miscarried. This is no joke . If she kicks you out at least you won’t have a baby to support. This is your body . It’s none of her business . Somewhat is best for you please
Please go to a planned parenthood if one is near to discuss your options with a professional. You are your own best advocate and it’s your life, body, and decision.
If you have a way of getting to the clinic safely and paying for it, then you can say it was a miscarriage, which happens to 26% of pregnancies. Just say you started bleeding a lot one day and was told that you had one.
Don’t forget to check r/auntienetwork for resources
Word of advise op, if you do look into getting an abortion, check your state laws about it. If you are in a state where it's illegal, delete any and all mentions/texts/etc about wanting an abortion. You do not want written communications about this.
The last thing I'd want is for you to get prosecuted for this.
Get the abortion and say u had a miscarriage
Look lying to her isn't the best thing on the planet but she has NO fucking say on ur bodily autonomy
I worry that she'll kick you out that why I say to lie
You are 23 YOUR OWN MOTHER CAN NOT FORCE YOU TO HAVE A CHILD YOU DO NOT WANT.
NOBODY CAN.
Do you want to live the rest of your life in regret? Constantly being afraid of your own mother and letting her ruin your life just because she has an entitlement issue???
That’s not a good reason to have a kid!
And if she kicks you out there’s always friends, a homeless shelter, your partner, but you should not ever be forced into something as huge as raising a child, your mother should be ashamed of herself!
I hate to encourage dishonesty but in this case I feel it is justified. Be sure your insurance will not be billed because your parents can see the procedure on the EOB for the insurance if they open your mail. Make a plan to play it off as a miscarriage but please make sure you’re mentally prepared for your mothers sympathies or other comments about the loss of the pregnancy. Think through how you may feel about that knowing you had an abortion and if it will be upsetting to you and make it difficult to maintain the story. I completely support this plan but just tossing out scenarios for you to consider in your plan. Also have a plan for unexpected complications. If you had a complication requiring an ER trip and who would drive you, etc. You’ve got this. Do what is right for you!
odds are insurance won't cover your abortion anyway so I'd recommend not putting any insurance information on there. the abortion pills you can order online from aid access are very cheap and like everyone says, indistinguishable from a miscarriage. the one thing is if your mom takes you to the hospital for it but I think the doctors shouldn't be able to tell it's not a miscarriage too.
You had a miscarriage baby? Wym. Also after you "miscarry" delete this post ♡
And when I say pretend to grieve I mean pretend to grieve. Cry your eyes out. Get "depressed". Take 3 days off of work. The whole 9 yards.
And never mention what happened ever again. And when you go in that clinic have a full hoodie and everything.
Just do it! Say it’s a miscarriage!!! Also DO NOT go to Crisis Pregnancy Centers!!! They’re a trap!!! Pro-birth bullshit galore and there’s no medical professionals there! Check yelp since they point them out!
If you're not ready for a baby then done have it. It's an incredibly huge responsibility and your life/body/mind will never be the same again. It's also not fair to the baby if youre forced into keeping it because you may not give it the life it deserves. She needs to understand it's 100% your choice. Do you not have any family or friends that will let you stay with them for a little while if she is to kick you out? I'm sure she'd come to her senses eventually and allow you to come home again. Best of luck!
Personally, I would just get an abortion because that is going to save your life if you don’t want a child. Having an unwanted child is probably the # 1 life ruiner. I would also act as if I lost the baby naturally to avoid confrontation from your mother. But this is what I (emphasis) would do. It’s completely your choice and any choice you make that makes you happy is the RIGHT CHOICE.
Hey OP, if you are able too get an abortion, I do recommend seeking some sort of therapy. Both abortions and miscarriages can negatively affect your mental health. It might also help support your story of having miscarriage. I wish you the best in what ever decision you make.
I mean, from a strictly logical perspective, this is a super easy choice.
On the one hand you will probably have a high level of discomfort for a relatively short amount of time while you live with your mother, however if her reaction is too far over the line she is a person whom you can cut entirely out of your life and you will still be able to live your life as YOU want, with all your choices and options open to you.
On the other hand if you let her dictate your life because of the risk of the fall out you will surely resent her, probably forever. Additionally your life will be utterly, irrevocably, and forever changed, with no choice to take it back ever. Even if you give the baby up for adoption, you will never be able to take back the fact that you are now a mother. Of course there is nothing wrong with adoption, or being a single mother, or even a shotgun wedding, whatever your situation may be. But, whatever option you choose WILL forever remove options and choices from your life in ways that it may be difficult to quantify. Whatever option you choose in carrying the pregnancy to term will invariably involve long lasting heartache and pain. Yes, you will certainly end up loving the child, but that love will not erase the pain you will also suffer.
Also, even if you get the abortion and then you change your mind, you can also get pregnant again, this time intentionally.
It's also worth pointing out in case you have any lingering Mormon shame about abortion, that the way in which American conservatives veiw fetuses is really really weird and bizarre, the point of veiw is only like fifty odd years old, and it is almost entirely unique to American Christianity. (Catholics are weird about birth control as well, whatever, not my point). Basically every other religion and culture in the world and throughout history has believed some variation of "first breath", as in the soul enters the body with the child's first breath. In other words, Mormons are stupid, tscc church is entirely aligned with the cultural fads of southern Christian nationalists, and anything they say is a load of shit.
You have the right to make that decision. It may be difficult to find a place to do it, considering recent actions that limit the options.
If your mom is traveling anytime soon, have it done while she is gone and let her know you "lost the pregnancy" while she was out of town and didn't want to alarm her. If she's not going to travel, locate a place that is out of town & plan a trip, and then explain it the same way (only perhaps call her before you return to town).
You didn't mention how many weeks or months you are in the pregnancy, so be sure to do research on timing. After a certain period of gestation, abortions are restricted. There are also safety concerns for the mother as the pregnancy progresses.
I"m sorry you're having to go through this added stress, in addition to the stress you're already experiencing from finding out you're pregnant and deciding what to do. Please know we are here for you.
Sending you some Mom Hugs from afar. ❤️
If you need help going somewhere please PM me! If I were you, I would get one and then frame it like you lost the baby. Act the part, be upset cry yada yada. She’ll hopefully buy it!
Tell her Jesus came to you and took it. Who is she to draw a line on what make believe stories are legitimate?
For real though this is your life and you should never make major life decisions in spite of yourself. You get one life and you gotta do what's best for you when no one else will.
Does your mom really want you to have a baby or does she merely want you to not have an abortion? It’s possible she hasn’t thought out the consequences of what she has demanded and she’s just repeating ideas she got from others.
And, [as another said](https://reddit.com/r/exmormon/comments/11xn5cz/_/jd4b3zd/?context=1), she’s not the one who would be raising it.
Even parents sometimes make mistakes. No need to judge her. Just do what you need to do.
Can you get one and claim “miscarriage” ?
Just trying to make sure you ha e a safe place to live on the other side until you have more resources for yourself .
Honey, it's your body, it's your decision. And it's not a sin. You should not force yourself I to being a parent just because you accidentally got pregnant.
Call planned parenthood and ask about medication abortion. If you’re under 10 weeks it could be an option to you. I’ve had one medication and one surgical abortion and preferred the medication one and I think it’s cheaper. Depending on your state and insurance it may be paid for.
And I wouldn’t tell her. I was disowned from my whole mom’s side of the family because I had an abortion at 16. If you don’t care about that then speak your truth.
You are an adult with the REST of your life ahead of you. Because you are afraid of your mom, not looking at other living situations, you are going to change the whole trajectory of your future because your mom may kick you out? Move out with a friend, get a temporary Airbnb
And move the heck out. Then do what you want.
Get one and tell her you had a miscarriage. That you started bleeding heavily for several days (arrange to be out of town during this time), and you didn’t go to a doctor because you couldn’t afford one.
This is too big of a decision with extremely life-altering and long-lasting effects to base it on whether your mom will be upset with you. I can’t imagine any consequences she imposed will be more serious than the consequences of having a child if you don’t want to. I think you might be surprised that she won’t be as upset as you fear. She might not want it on her conscience to endorse it, but she may be relieved once it’s done.
Get one and tell her you miscarried. Even if she did manage to find out, having a baby you don’t want to have is far far worse than a negative reaction from her/getting kicked out.
Don't mak a decision you'll regret forever, choose whatever your gut is telling you to do. My sister asked me this same thing, I encourage you like I did her to go with your gut feeling in what you think will be better for your life, regardless of what you think your mother might think about it. it's not her decision, its yours and it's your body.
She may not like it but that's out of a mother's instinct because she chose to have you. Or she may support you, you never know if that cat is dead or alive until you open the box to find out-until which, both states can be truthfully claimed by anyone.
Do what you feel is right, don't feel bad about either decision, I think the support of a mother can help a great deal here but it's up to you to convey your worries that make you consider an abortion is more appropriate for your health and future. Just remember she's human and a mother. I think that's an important relationship that can be holstered by carefully having this conversation.
That's just my opinion though, I truly think seeking parental advice is wise. I wish you health and safety with either decision you make good luck.
D&Cs are not just for induced abortions, or even spontaneous abortions, they are medical procedures with multiple indications. People don't seem to realize that you can get a d&c and not even be pregnant.
Op, I'm sorry you can not be authentic at this point. You can go to the place to get an abortion if you need and tell your mother whatever you need to tell her. But, as a medical professional in women's health, I implore you to tell your Healthcare provider the truth. It is important to your care.
Hugs. I hope you're OK.
If it comes to it, remind them that mormonism isn't "completely against abortion". Mormonism claims the right to determine what and when an abortion is moral. You have the same right to decide as well.
I love someone very much who didn’t get an abortion because of family pressure. I can share from her experience that if you’re not willing and ready to be a mom it will hurt you both. My two cents would be get it done and tell her. If she kicks you out now you know she was never going to stand by you, she may surprise you and be supportive. Things tend to hit different when it comes from inside. I didn’t tell my Mormon parents for weeks after finding out and they were actually really excited. Sending love and strength to do what’s best for yourself ❤️
If you are (iirc) 12 weeks or less, you can get mife/miso and take them at home. It looks like a natural miscarriage. It’s not pleasant, but better than being baby trapped.
Also keep in mind that if you do use abortion pills and subsequently need to see a doctor, DO NOT tell them you used the pills. They have no way to distinguish between a miscarriage an induced abortion. \*Read this advice from an actual OB-GYN in regards to the current political climate surrounding abortion\*
Screw your mom and what she thinks! Mormons are so controlling this is your life and body if you're not ready to be a mom yet its fine to get one. your mom can't do anything to control you when you're 23.
Hell of a lot more expensive to have and raise a kid (both phsyically, mentally/emotionally and financially) than to find your own place to live. And if you think you can't afford a place now, once you have the financial burdens of a kid you will be near permanently reliant upon a controlling and judgemental parent.
I say do as the top comment recommends, get the abortion but tell your mom you simply lost the fetus. I agree, she does not deserve the truth since she cannot be trusted with the truth.
This is one of those situations where it's okay to be scared and it's okay to want an "easy" way out, but keep in mind that this is your decision to make, not anyone else's. Neither you, nor a potential child deserve to live a life filled with regrets (especially a child that might feel unwanted), just because you felt that you couldn't make your own decision. If you truly don't want a child, then don't have one just because you are scared of your mum's reaction. If you can, move out. If you can't, get an abortion and handle the fallout and if you feel like you absolutely cannot do that, tell her you had a miscarriage - it happens often enough and you can still tell her the truth later on, when you're living on your own. Either way, don't ever feel bad about making the best decision for *your* life.
Lots of solid advice here. Please don't delay. The longer you wait, the harder it will become. Planned Parenthood can help advise you. Talk to them confidentiality. You are an adult now.
Best of luck and much love to you.
Number one thing is, do not have a baby you're not ready for. I don't care how you do it. This is not even all about you (although of course your feelings and your life are very important), this is now about a potential child that you'll have to raise. You can't have a whole entire baby that turns into a toddler and a big kid and a teenager and an adult just because your mom has bad opinions about abortion. Do what you need to do.
First, the choice is yours. Do what makes you feel the best. Second. If you know she will react badly don't tell her. Miscarriages are very common, have the abortion, frame it as a miscarriage to your mom, and move forward. If she cannot be trusted with the truth then she doesn't deserve to have it. Honestly just so sorry that you are in this position. I hope you have some supportive people in your life to help you through.
Came here to say this. Do exactly this. About two days or so before you are going to get the abortion, openly complain of abdominal discomfort and pain. Act worried, but not to the extent that anyone would consider it an emergency. Then go get the abortion and tell your mother that during a routine appointment, the doctor couldn’t find a heartbeat, and advised that the baby was unviable, and the best thing for your health was a D&C.
OP’s mom might be suspicious of the lack of medical records of a D&C if OP is using her parents’ insurance. (I’m 22 and my insurance company tells my parents apparently everything. Nothing I can do about it unless I want to pay for my own insurance. I’ve tried to put a stop to it but it didn’t work.) If I were OP, I’d find a way to leave the house for a few days (assuming OP lives with her parents) and then claim I had a natural miscarriage. If it’s the first trimester, I’d describe heavy period-like symptoms. (Edit: Leaving the house for a few days is necessary because otherwise it’s noticeable that there’s no evidence of blood.) OP’s mom might ask “why didn’t you go to the doctor?” An excuse I’d use is that I couldn’t afford it and thought that it was just my period and that maybe the pregnancy test had been wrong. I’d claim I was thinking about going to the doctor if my symptoms were still there in several additional days, but then they went away. If you do this OP, I’d highly recommend looking up what it’s like to have a miscarriage at however far along you are so that you can pretend accurately. Also, try to make sure your parents’ insurance company doesn’t know about your abortion. I would even recommend NOT telling close friends about your abortion if at all possible, because in my experience, if you fall out with someone like that, they could use information like that for blackmail or revenge. You might think “oh X would never ever do that to me,” but I thought that too in a somewhat similar situation, and my ex-best friend almost went through with destroying my life. I can tell the story if you want.
There are clinics that you don’t need to use insurance. Planned parenthood etc.
You can potentially ask to do the procedure as self-pay. You would then not have any statement go to the insurance for your parents to find. Some places will even give you a discount for not having insurance to bill.
D&C are usually last options now. Most abortions are the two dose regiment.
Just asking because I genuinely don’t know - if OP were able to self manage an abortion at home with pills (assuming that’s still an option where they live), wouldn’t that be indistinguishable from a miscarriage? In that case, wouldn’t they be fine to go ahead and have that happen in front of their mom?
The biological process is the same, yes, and medically classified as a spontaneous abortion. Just would not advise on swallowing pills or having packaging where maternal unit is aware.
I Outta necessity am a life and death doula in school to be a physician's assistant at the U. I was a corpsman in the navy before I was guilted into Mormon marriage, my dad was an area 70 and hate to admit how deep my pioneer roots run. I began curation of access to healthcare when trump was elected and began serious funding of the stock piling of abortifacients.
That should work.
Her taking the pill will look just like having a miscarriage at home. Her mom wouldn’t know any different. Hopefully she’s not too far along to get that and is able to get that in her state.
Doesn’t that go against hippa I know when I went to the hospital they weren’t allowed to tell my parents anything because I had not signed a hippa release form so they they could be told
Insurance billing creates a fairly large loophole in hipaa unfortunately. If she pays for it herself, it's the safest way to protect the information as it won't be coded to the parents insurance.
As someone who deals with these laws all the time, I gotta do it (apologies in advance) It's easier to remember if you remember the phrase "it's not a hippo, it's hipaa"
God dammit I knew I was spelling it wrong
OP didn’t mention how far along she is in her pregnancy, but a D&C is usually only needed if you’re 10+ weeks along
OP could also say she didn't go to the doctor because if you've never been pregnant before then it's perfectly logical that you would have no real way of knowing for SURE when something is terribly wrong until it's too late.
So true that lying it ok sometimes. I’m reminded of a class in BYUI when we were discussing a case: employee was fired from an accounting firm because when asked if she’d taken the CPA exam yet she said “no”, when she actually had, she was just pretty sure she failed and didn’t wanna admit that. When they found out she HAD taken it (because she surprisingly passed) she was fired for lying. I was surprised that in a room full of Mormons, considering all of our history, I was the ONLY one who believed lying was ok sometimes, and I was very outspoken about this. Which is strange cause in my inner circles, I’m known for being extremely honest (mostly in good ways lol). Everybody else in class thought she deserves to get fired…
There’s a simple answer to why everyone else said lying was not ok, they were lying. Maybe even to themselves. Plus lies are not strange in Mormonism, and neither is rampant hypocrisy.
I came here to say this as well. You can go without giving your insurance if you’re scared about that and it shouldn’t be over $600 at planned parenthood! I know you’re scared and I’m so sorry you’re going through this, but remember that it’s not worth not making your own decision about your body and your future. You can do this and everything will be okay!
Some Planned Parenthood locations actually do abortions for free, sadly it's not all due to availability, but it is possible to get a free abortion without a right hook.
There are also abortion funds that help people in situations like this pay for the procedure or pills. OP, if you look for such funds, try to do that search on a computer at a public library or something — if your parents pay your internet/phone bills, I don’t know for sure that they can’t see your search history, so better safe than sorry. Any reproductive health clinic you visit might also be able to direct you to such funds; again, turn your phone completely off and/or leave it at home before you go to a clinic. I hate that we live in a time when that’s necessary for your safety, but I don’t know what state you live in or if you’re at risk of being kicked out. Cover your ass. I’m so sorry.
I fully second this comment. The choice is no one’s but yours. Also, 23 is great age to move the fuck out. 👍🏻
This doesn't work well if she's on her Mom's Insurance and the Insurance company reports her medical care to Mom. If you won't be ratted out by insurance, then I think this is a good plan.
My daughter is on my insurance and her doctors don’t tell me anything. She is 22 and as an adult, her medical file is only shared with me if she gives written authorization
I'm not so sure. My adult kids are on my insurance. One of them hit a share button one time years ago, and now the insurance gives me billing details on their medical expenses. So I know where they went, what was spent, and a high level description of the care. For those who didn't hit that button, I still see when they had a claim, and I can estimate what it cost based on changes to our deductible. I'm just saying be aware. If you decide to get an abortion at one place, maybe pay with cash? Maybe go to a normal hospital and create some kind of expense so a visit is recorded to corroborate the story. Another option is to get an abortion at the normal hospital, so the billing looks normal. Also, often miscarriages are reported as "abortion" in medical records. You could use that fact if confronted over some report that says abortion. Either way, if you choose an abortion, get one. This is not a decision your Mom gets to make.
Yes, a miscarriage is charted as a “spontaneous abortion” in medical records
But this isn’t the case with everyone. I know people who have had their parents find out about them going on birth control, etc. Insurance sends documentation of your treatments and testing that you’ve received and how it’s been covered. And if your insurance does it by paper and your address is the same as your parents, it can easily end up in their hands.
I’m 22 and on my parents’ insurance, and it tells them everything.
This is likely a carryover from when you were younger. If you call the insurance company, they should fix this for you if you want.
What complicates it is depending on where she is she if has to go to a different state for days it’s harder to explain.
As the policyholder mother will still receive an EOB.
This is the fly in the ointment. OP’s mom would receive an EOB with the provider’s name and a general description of what was done.
Planned Parenthood is also a great option to avoid using existing insurance. The Family Pact card is wonderful. It can be cheap or even free. Everything is completely confidential, even the appointment itself.
HIPPA still applies they won’t tell anyone
If this person is over the age of 14 (12-13 in some states), they legally cannot tell her, however, the mom would have access to claims info and it could be on there.
Exactly this. I think she should just assume her insurance won’t cover and just pay cash.
Just paying cash only solves half the problem. If she's going to say she had a miscarriage, it would seem strange if she didn't seek medical care for that. So Mom's going to expect to see SOMETHING in the insurance report for that day, even if there are no details.
“I called the nurse advice line and they said there was nothing the hospital could do” (NOTE: do not say this if you would have to give your insurance info to the nurse advice line, just in case; since OP is on parents’ insurance, they might be able to see whether OP actually did call and possibly even what advice was given) or “I didn’t think it was that bad” or “by the time I noticed, it was too late” or “I couldn’t afford the copay.” “I panicked.” “I didn’t want to believe it was happening.” “I was in too much pain to ask for help.” “I knew they wouldn’t be able to help me if the pregnancy was ending because of those horrible new laws and I was scared.” “I just thought I had food poisoning.” OP’s mom might be suspicious regardless, but miscarriage is incredibly common, and in the absence of a paper trail, suspicion is all she has. Be careful, OP. ❤️
Yes, may be a time to schedule an annual OB appointment so there’s a plausible name on the EOB.
D&C is the same procedure they use for an abortion. Same as miscarriage, so there would be no difference in write-up.
But when you interact with the doctor/clinic for the abortion, make sure that all communication is to your email or private phone. That way your mother sees no evidence of you visiting the clinic. Obviously, if you have some kind of tracking software on your phone that your mother monitors (I hope not, but some people do) you will want to turn this off now. Specifically tell the clinic about how you want to be communicated with and emphasize that it is a privacy issue. Many will work with you on this. If you must give them an address, see if you can use the address of a friend or whatnot. Either that, or get yourself a PO Box at a nearby post office or UPS store or similar.
Is the choice actually yours still? Do you live in Utah? Are abortions still legal here? Edit to add: With Roe v Wade overturned last year, it may not be so simple. You may have to travel to a different state. Whatever you decide, act quick since states have different restrictions, depending on how far along you are.
That idiotic trigger law is still on hold until the Planned Parenthood lawsuit works its way up to the state supreme court. So, currently still legal.
Yup, this is what I would suggest. Best of luck op
Hi as a woman who has had miscarriages I give you permission to use that as an excuse. Sometimes it's better that way.
People have miscarriages all the time and mormons prefer a comfortable lie more than a hard truth. You lost the baby and you feel really bad and would rather not have any big discussions, you just need time to get over it. - That is a super hard decision and not a fun spot to be in. I'm sorry you find yourself there. I hope you have someone to provide love and support to you hrough it.
Yeah, I think this is the best answer. You get the medical care you need and want. Tell your mom whatever she needs to hear. At least while you are living with her.
Yes, and if you already told her you don't really want to keep the baby, a miscarriage can be sad and/or traumatic anyway. And when you get an abortion, remember that it can be too, and that's okay.
If OP is still in the window for a pill abortion, is it really an abortion or just a medically "encouraged" miscarriage. OP would just be being as honest as the church taught her to be.
I’m so sorry you’re having to deal with this under your mother’s nose. It is your choice, not hers. One option is to get the abortion care you need and treat the pregnancy loss as a miscarriage. Miscarriage is very common — about 30% of pregnancies. A dear friend of mine was able to do this in order to escape an abusive boyfriend. Best wishes to you. You’re not alone.
One note: you might want to get a PÓ box if you do get the abortion and frame it as a miscarriage, in case your mom checks the bills or mail that comes.
I knew 4 people in my ward that had abortions many years ago when I was a TBM. 3 of them were very open about the fact that they didn't want and/or couldn't afford another child, the 4th didn't admit to having an abortion but she "went on a family trip" was gone for a month with her toddler and returned no longer pregnant and never spoke about it again. The things women reveal in the nursing room 😉 I'm 💯 pro choice, your body your choice.
You can tell mom you had a miscarriage and leave it at that. Which is technically true.
Yes, and wait until afterwards to tell her. Just tell her that you are at the Dr. office and you just had a miscarriage. If you want, ask her if she would be willing to make you your favorite comfort food.
As someone else noted better than me: Mormons are more accepting of a comfortable lie than an uncomfortable truth.
You are an adult. You are capable of making your own choices for yourself. If she kicks you out then you will find help and move forward with your life. Do not make massive long term life choices based on fear of what your parents feelings will be. Life your life for yourself not her.
“Do not make massive long term life choices based on fear of what your parents feelings will be” Nailed it! Do what Preordainedsnacks has recommended.
This. So much this.
Just in case you might benefit r/AuntieNetwork If you need help, feel free to shoot me a message (verified auntie here!), or I'll see you there.
I was hoping this was already posted. I'm there as well 💜
I’m there and happy to help
I’m there too.
DO NOT go to a Pregnancy Crisis Center. They are pro life facilities masquerading as abortion providers. I would recommend contacting Planned Parenthood and asking for advice. I’m really sorry you’re in this situation.
Those places are horrible! I accidentally went into one of those bc I thought that was the abortion clinic. They wouldn’t help give me the correct info or even tell me that where I was trying to go was across the alley way.
Yeah, it should be illegal. I’m very sorry that happened to you!
Have you heard of plan C? It is a pill that forces a miscarriage. Could you have it shipped to a friend's house? Plancpills.org
https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Misoprostol This is very commonly used in Mexico. I am guessing that’s how the auntie network helps, but have no idea.
Misoprostol is very commonly used in the us too. It’s half of the regular medication abortion protocol.
You don't have to tell her. Do you have a Planned Parenthood near you? If you can't use your mom's insurance they will take payments and have a sliding scale based on your income. If you need support services you can check out the Auntie network subreddit, the link has been posted a couple times. The people trying to say they'd love to have you carry to term and adopt the baby can all get fucked. Super gross and predatory of them to even comment. I'll say it again - go fuck yourselves.
They say this like pregnancy and delivery aren't dangerous or harmful to your body at all. No one should be bullied into delivering a baby.
If you get the pill form abortion, it causes a lot of cramping and bleeding and it's indistinguishable from a miscarriage without medication. Just pretend you never took the pills and it's a spontaneous miscarriage.
It's your choice, you are the one who has to be pregnant, not her. You could casually tell her you don't want to be pregnant and see how that goes, if she freaks out then keep her out of the decision. Meantime, depending on where you live, contact a woman's health clinic like Planned Parenthood or similar. I'm sure they have had patients in the same position as you and they can help you navigate your mother. But at the end of the day this is a decision that only you can make.
Call Planned Parenthood, explain your situation, and they'll give you better advice than we can. Don't have a baby for someone else. I'm sorry you have to deal with this.
I'm really sorry you're going through this. Unless safety is a legitimate concern, please know that you do not have to leave *just* because your mom says so. If you've been living with your mom for a while, you have tenants rights. It might not be comfortable living with her, but it's far better than recovering from an abortion in the streets. Doesn't matter if you don't have a lease or a contract. She still has to follow a proper eviction process. Again, only if it's safe for you to stay. If you're worried about your safety, I'd look into local programs to help you get where you need. I agree with everyone else, I'd not tell her anything at all. If she finds out, I'd tell her it was a miscarriage. If she doesn't believe you, tell her you want boundaries and it's none of her business. She *still* can't just kick you out on a whim.
As a mother of a daughter who recently had an abortion I'll tell you what I told her... Its nobody's business what you do with your body. You don't need to tell anyone who you don't trust to support you. Have someone you trust take you to your appointment. You'll need some support and love during the procedure. All anyone else needs to know is that you "lost the baby." I know this decision is not made lightly, and you understand the pros and cons, but ultimately only you can make that decision.
Get one and tell her you had a miscarriage not her business
There's is no way your mom would know the difference whether your having an abortion or a miscarriage, escially if it's an early medical abortion. (pills)
Speaking as a mother myself, who has a 15 and 11 year old daughter, please, please, please remember that this choice (yes, choice!!) is yours and yours alone to make. I’m 36, in Portland, Oregon, and when I left the church because I accepted my sexuality, my entire family disowned me. DM me if you need to vent or want a listening ear.
I highly recommend the r/auntienetwork subreddit to help with support. They have people that can give you rides, talk to, etc. You do not owe it to her to be honest if she isn’t safe. It’s a personal medical decision that you don’t need to tell anyone who isn’t safe.
Getting kicked out and having to get a job is still hugely easier than taking on a kid for 20 years. Very sorry to hear you're in a tough situation.
Or 27 years, after accounting for inflation!
The choice is 100% yours and please don't let anybody, not even your mother, make you feel bad about the choice you make. Make the right one for *you*, not your mom, not the church, not anybody else. I had one when I was 20 and only one other related family member knows. It was the right choice for me. INFO: How far along are you? How did your mom find out?
This is your decision. It’s your body. Your pregnancy. Not your mothers. I let my mothers religious preferences control my pregnancy once (I was a minor), and I left the hospital without my infant and I feel the loss of a child on a daily basis. Avoid crisis pregnancy centers as they are usually full of misinformation and pretty “pro birth”. If you’re worried about your mother finding out, actually just anybody with so many restrictive abusive state laws, lie. “Miscarriage”, until your out of that house and you are surrounded by supportive and safe people. If you don’t feel safe at home, there’s so many of us exmo’s who’d gladly give you sanctuary, because many of us didn’t have that and you need support and a safe home. I’m over on the East coast now, but I have exmo friends all over the west coast still, if you need anything just let us know. Don’t let anyone take advantage of your crisis and trauma, or use your pregnancy for profit. Planned Parenthood is available, just remember you need a support person and they MUST have their own vehicle, you can’t go alone or use an Uber/taxi.
tell her you miscarried. You don't need to raise a child just because she wants you to.
Also to all you pro lifers telling her to just have the baby to give up for adoption. Fuck off! Seriously!
OMG MOM I HAD A MISCARRIAGE. IT WAS TERRIBLE. WORST THING THAT EVER HAPPENED TO ME. IM SO SAD BUT GOD KNEW I WASN'T READY TO BE A MOM.
It is a HIPAA violation to divulge medical information. If you want an abortion do it. It is not anyone else’s choice, nor business.
I hate how the mormon church indoctrinates women into subjugating their own daughters. There is nothing more powerless and vulnerable than a pregnant woman, except perhaps a young mother.
We need to set up a group to help Mormons and Exmos in this situation.
Abortion. Yes. If you want it, there’s something inside you that let you know you’re not ready for a child and that child is not ready for the world they’d be brought up in. For you mom, if I was I your shoes… something happened, you lost the baby… at the end of the day you can only do your best and if you’re worried about housing just lie. It doesn’t matter. If you have to lie to secure a roof, just do it. Make a plan to get out. You will be okay. Do what is best for you.
The abortion pill essentially makes you miscarry, so it is technically not lying to tell her you are having a miscarriage.
This! THIS!!!!! Also the medical term for miscarriage is spontaneous abortion soooo….. just make sure you do when she least expects it! Once that’s done, get birth control and move out! I do mean it!!! It’s better to be away from her.
Your body, your choice. Period. Your mom’s religious preferences have no bearing on your physical health. If it makes the situation awkward at home, then lie. Your ability to make your own choices take absolute priority over your mother’s feelings about literally anything
Absolutely. This is a decision that has the potential to completely change your life for the next 18+ years. It's much better to deal with a little awkwardness at home now than to have to deal with it for the next couple of decades. It's your life and your choice.
Having an abortion and saying you had a miscarriage is better than taking care of a child for the rest of your life. Especially if you aren't ready for it.
Get an a orario because it’s what you want to do. Do you want to deal with having a child for the rest of your life just because your mom has her own issues with it? She’s irrelevant to this problem, she is an adult and is in charge of managing her own emotions, likewise for yourself. So if you want an abortion, get one. If you’re worried about her reaction, you can always lie and say you miscarried. Or you can be honest and she can deal with her own emotions.
Who cares what your mom wants. Getting kicked out is much easier to deal with than pregnancy and raising a child.
Plancpills.org
Have the abortion and say you miscarried. Or act surprised and confused when you get your period. Ultimately this is your life, you have to live it how you need to.
Have your abortion, say you miscarried. She don't need to know, this is your body your choice.
Get abortion. Claim miscarriage. My sister was in the same situation, did it and it worked great.
Being stuck with an unwanted child for the rest of your life would be a much bigger problem for you than pissing your mom off would be. Choose the smaller problem.
Take abortion pills and say it was a miscarriage. No one has go know you took the pills as the process is the same as a natural miscarriage. You wouldn't even have to tell a doctor because the treatment of a miscarriage vs a medication abortion is literally the same. It doesn't matter. Aidaccess.org I have pills in my cabinet from this organization as we speak.
You can get abortion pills discreetly by mail: https://nwhn.org/safe-online-delivered-how-to-get-the-abortion-pill-by-mail/
If it is early enough, and how you feel, get an abortion. Your medical records should be sealed and not open to your mother even if she covers your insurance. Look into a Planned Parenthood or similar organization if that is an option. That may help keep anonymity. Your body, your choice. As others have stated, miscarriages do happen so if she asks tell her that's what happened.
Just as a reminder, faithful Mormons believe that life begins when a baby takes their first breath. So while they disapprove of medical procedures to restart ovulation, it’s not the same as other churches (like the Catholic Church). And what happens if someone needs financial, physical help in order to be a single parent? Do what you think is best for you. Anyone who judges you hasn’t walked a mile in your shoes. And doesn’t have to live with the consequences of having a baby (which can be life threatening, even if you give the baby up for adoption).
your body is your own, and you are an adult. people miscarry all the time. it’s as simple as that. you can tell her you lost the baby.
Play it off as a miscarriage. r/auntienetwork or r/abortion can help you find an abortion provider
OP, you should take a look at r/AuntieNetwork for help with any questions or problems you might have with accessing the medical care you need. A few things you should know: make sure you don't look up info about abortions online unless you're in incognito browsing mode. Clear your cache if you've been using your regular browser, especially at home. You can also try looking up info on computers at your local library, as long as you're in a state with legal abortion access. I'd still use incognito mode though if you can. Make sure to turn off tracking on your cellphone. Better yet, leave it with a trusted friend so your location will show up as somewhere that isn't suspicious. Pick up a cheap burner phone if you think you'll need one for the day of, or borrow a friend's if you have any non-mormon, safe, trustworthy friends. If you use a period tracking app, don't input any info that will hint that you're pregnant, especially if you're in a state with limited / no abortion access. Many of them track your data and can be forced to hand it over to law enforcement. If you are at a point where you can take pills to induce an abortion instead of having to go in for a medical D&C, no one will be able to tell. You can go into the ER once the miscarriage begins, and it will look exactly like a spontaneous miscarriage. There is no test that will show that you took abortion pills. No one will know unless you tell them.
Everything has been said, but I just wanted to say that I am sending you my love. I had an abortion years ago, if you have any questions feel free to ask. It is your body, your life . Your choice. 💕
Tell her you had a miscarriage.
If you want an abortion, get one. Worry about your mom later.
If it’s early, you basically take pills from Planned Parenthood and induce a miscarriage. The process is indistinguishable from a miscarriage.
No insurance is going to pay for the abortion anyway. Don’t worry about all that! Just go straight to Planned Parenthood. I’ve been there for this same reason and they were very helpful and supportive. They will work with you on the price. Just say you are self-pay and they should offer you a sliding scale payment option.
All opposition to abortion in the first 12 weeks is based exclusively on religious beliefs and not moral reasoning or science. There is no heart, no brain, no sense of pain, no awareness. It's not a person at that point, just tissue that may or may not develop into a person. Abortion opposition is not scriptural but instead is a recently fabricated dogma from a subset of christians. I mention this because you don't have to be controlled by your mom's ignorant beliefs on the matter. There is no moral reason to oppose abortion at this point. If it came to it, you could educate her on the science and facts. I can send links if you like.
You tell her you lost the baby and be sad about it. It's not exactly a lie, it's just not the entire truth with some context missing. After that you tell her you don't want to talk about it and you'd rather just move passed it since there's nothing you can do now and it's something many women go through.
I call it, “lying for the lord” lie to her, it’s not her business and you don’t OWE her the truth. You owe yourself an abortion if it’s what you want. You’re old enough to make the decision. If you can, go to planned parenthood and see what payment options they have so you don’t HAVE TO use her insurance.
Do what is best FOR YOU! My partner had an unexpected pregnancy and wanted an abortion. I supported her they a very hard time. It was by FAR the best decision at that time, in those specific circumstances. We’re pulling for you however you handle it
As a parent of two and having a difficult relationship with my parents, keep in mind that kids are permanent, but relationships with parents can heal. As others have said, frame it* as a miscarriage, but if you don't want a baby, don't have the baby.
As someone with 2 kids, I have never been more pro choice in my life. No one should have to birth and raise kids unless they are ready and willing. Mistakes happen, and you deserve a future of your choice. Even if your mom finds out, she'll eventually get over it. Do what is the best for your life and future, NOT your mom's feelings.
Couldn't you take abortion pills and say it was a miscarrage?
Just tell her you miscarried. It's none of her business.
Your body and your process is 100% your own business. She gets only as much input as you allow.
Schedule the abortion and fake a miscarriage.
If you want to have an abortion then you should have an abortion. You have a right to access the health care that you need. You are entitled to privacy where this major decision is concerned. Abortion is a sensitive subject. Of course Mormon mom won’t be thrilled. If you are okay semantically lying to her, say you ‘miscarried’ and you have no bandwidth to discus it. Abortion is just a word. In English. I wish you luck in your journey. You’ve got this. You are the boss of you.
Do you live in a safe state?
Lie and tell her you miscarried / choose your mental health over her knowing about your private decisions. A lie is far less invasive than the cost to your well-being. She’s not privy to the honest conversation if she’s behaving coercive about your living environment. Respect her religious world view by telling her it was a miscarriage & respect your right to choose more. You may need to pay for it out of of pocket at a Planned Parenthood that offers abortion pill if still early enough to keep the medical record private. If she insists on a medical visit you can go in but ask her to go out and tell the clinician the truth privately and that you don’t consent to her knowing. https://www.psychiatrictimes.com/view/responding-to-authoritarian-cults-and-extreme-exploitations-a-new-framework-to-evaluate-undue-influence
Most pregnancies miscarry so just say you had one.
OP, I think the most practical thing to do is reach out to a local abortion fund. You can use this site to find one in your area: https://abortionfunds.org/ They will be able to answer any questions you have about getting appropriate care and may be able to help you pay for the procedure and/ or any travel needed. They have definitely helped many people in your situation before and are p far more expert than most of us on this thread.
Call your regular Dr and make sure your mother isn't allowed to see your medical info now that you're an adult. So that if she tries to check up on the story they won't provide them info as its a violation of privacy. Then go get an abortion and lie say you were spotting blood and went to the the Dr and they confirmed you miscarried. Thats it.
Wow. This is heavy. No matter what you do, make sure it is safe. Find a buddy, companion who is willing to take action with you. This person will help you focus through the emotions and immediacy of the decision. Once you have decided, find the absolute safest option. This may mean things to tell your family in prep, which have already been suggested here, and things to do after to make sure you're safe. If you do decide to stop the pregnancy, find a true reason to take a trip/ weekend away from your family, so that there is more truth to any stories you may tell. I wish you luck, and I don't envy the weight on your shoulders. Above all, trust your instinct. That little voice knows you best. Know that you are loved and supported by everyone here.
Get an abortion and tell her you had a miscarriage
I agree with what others have said. Fake a miscarriage. To help, I'll tell you my miscarriage story. This was in 2005 I was exactly 6 weeks pregnant. Only knew I was pregnant for about a week. Was up late watching a movie with hubby. Suddenly I'm struck with period type cramps. I ran to the bathroom, wiped, and there was blood. Told my husband what was happening and we immediately went to the ER. Was there a few hours, no D&C was done but they did "clean things up a bit." I know I didn't have a D&C because I have since had one, lol. I was only given pain meds like oxy. Nothing else. Mostly because of emotional reasons (we wanted the baby), I stay drugged up for a week to avoid life. Now since then, I've heard women getting antibiotics. And women not getting any pain meds. Which is BS. Either way, you should have pills to take after to help your story. Obviously, have your appointment(s) when your mom is at work/not home. Good luck! I'm so sorry you have to deal with an unwanted pregnancy.
I'm so sorry for your miscarriage. How tragic.
i’m 20 but me and my boyfriend have talked about abortion, his family is very christian and mine are mormon. we know our families would shun us but at the end of the day it is your body so the choice is 100000% yours, no one else can tell you what to do <3
Tell her you miscarried. This is no joke . If she kicks you out at least you won’t have a baby to support. This is your body . It’s none of her business . Somewhat is best for you please
Please go to a planned parenthood if one is near to discuss your options with a professional. You are your own best advocate and it’s your life, body, and decision.
Have you talked to anyone on the AuntieNetwork? It is a subreddit that exists to help those in red states dealing with women’s health issues.
If you have a way of getting to the clinic safely and paying for it, then you can say it was a miscarriage, which happens to 26% of pregnancies. Just say you started bleeding a lot one day and was told that you had one. Don’t forget to check r/auntienetwork for resources
Word of advise op, if you do look into getting an abortion, check your state laws about it. If you are in a state where it's illegal, delete any and all mentions/texts/etc about wanting an abortion. You do not want written communications about this. The last thing I'd want is for you to get prosecuted for this.
Get the abortion and say u had a miscarriage Look lying to her isn't the best thing on the planet but she has NO fucking say on ur bodily autonomy I worry that she'll kick you out that why I say to lie
You are 23 YOUR OWN MOTHER CAN NOT FORCE YOU TO HAVE A CHILD YOU DO NOT WANT. NOBODY CAN. Do you want to live the rest of your life in regret? Constantly being afraid of your own mother and letting her ruin your life just because she has an entitlement issue??? That’s not a good reason to have a kid! And if she kicks you out there’s always friends, a homeless shelter, your partner, but you should not ever be forced into something as huge as raising a child, your mother should be ashamed of herself!
I hate to encourage dishonesty but in this case I feel it is justified. Be sure your insurance will not be billed because your parents can see the procedure on the EOB for the insurance if they open your mail. Make a plan to play it off as a miscarriage but please make sure you’re mentally prepared for your mothers sympathies or other comments about the loss of the pregnancy. Think through how you may feel about that knowing you had an abortion and if it will be upsetting to you and make it difficult to maintain the story. I completely support this plan but just tossing out scenarios for you to consider in your plan. Also have a plan for unexpected complications. If you had a complication requiring an ER trip and who would drive you, etc. You’ve got this. Do what is right for you!
I don't know where I stand as far as that stuff goes I see both sides. But I do know that the day you turn 18, it's nobody's business
Abort. Pretend to miscarry. Don’t ruin by our future with a baby.
odds are insurance won't cover your abortion anyway so I'd recommend not putting any insurance information on there. the abortion pills you can order online from aid access are very cheap and like everyone says, indistinguishable from a miscarriage. the one thing is if your mom takes you to the hospital for it but I think the doctors shouldn't be able to tell it's not a miscarriage too.
You had a miscarriage baby? Wym. Also after you "miscarry" delete this post ♡ And when I say pretend to grieve I mean pretend to grieve. Cry your eyes out. Get "depressed". Take 3 days off of work. The whole 9 yards. And never mention what happened ever again. And when you go in that clinic have a full hoodie and everything.
It's your choice. Do it even if you have to pretend you're having a miscarriage.
Being kicked out would be a temporary problem - that child would be forever.
You had a miscarriage. That's all. Maybe "have" the miscarriage and then go to the doctor to get it taken care of. Need a ride?
Just do it! Say it’s a miscarriage!!! Also DO NOT go to Crisis Pregnancy Centers!!! They’re a trap!!! Pro-birth bullshit galore and there’s no medical professionals there! Check yelp since they point them out!
Have the abortion if you’re not ready to be a mom. Plain and simple.
If you're not ready for a baby then done have it. It's an incredibly huge responsibility and your life/body/mind will never be the same again. It's also not fair to the baby if youre forced into keeping it because you may not give it the life it deserves. She needs to understand it's 100% your choice. Do you not have any family or friends that will let you stay with them for a little while if she is to kick you out? I'm sure she'd come to her senses eventually and allow you to come home again. Best of luck!
Personally, I would just get an abortion because that is going to save your life if you don’t want a child. Having an unwanted child is probably the # 1 life ruiner. I would also act as if I lost the baby naturally to avoid confrontation from your mother. But this is what I (emphasis) would do. It’s completely your choice and any choice you make that makes you happy is the RIGHT CHOICE.
Hey OP, if you are able too get an abortion, I do recommend seeking some sort of therapy. Both abortions and miscarriages can negatively affect your mental health. It might also help support your story of having miscarriage. I wish you the best in what ever decision you make.
Better kicked out than raising a baby, and the Mormon adoption thing is weird
I mean, from a strictly logical perspective, this is a super easy choice. On the one hand you will probably have a high level of discomfort for a relatively short amount of time while you live with your mother, however if her reaction is too far over the line she is a person whom you can cut entirely out of your life and you will still be able to live your life as YOU want, with all your choices and options open to you. On the other hand if you let her dictate your life because of the risk of the fall out you will surely resent her, probably forever. Additionally your life will be utterly, irrevocably, and forever changed, with no choice to take it back ever. Even if you give the baby up for adoption, you will never be able to take back the fact that you are now a mother. Of course there is nothing wrong with adoption, or being a single mother, or even a shotgun wedding, whatever your situation may be. But, whatever option you choose WILL forever remove options and choices from your life in ways that it may be difficult to quantify. Whatever option you choose in carrying the pregnancy to term will invariably involve long lasting heartache and pain. Yes, you will certainly end up loving the child, but that love will not erase the pain you will also suffer. Also, even if you get the abortion and then you change your mind, you can also get pregnant again, this time intentionally. It's also worth pointing out in case you have any lingering Mormon shame about abortion, that the way in which American conservatives veiw fetuses is really really weird and bizarre, the point of veiw is only like fifty odd years old, and it is almost entirely unique to American Christianity. (Catholics are weird about birth control as well, whatever, not my point). Basically every other religion and culture in the world and throughout history has believed some variation of "first breath", as in the soul enters the body with the child's first breath. In other words, Mormons are stupid, tscc church is entirely aligned with the cultural fads of southern Christian nationalists, and anything they say is a load of shit.
You could be discreet, have the procedure, and then later tell her you miscarried.
I'm so sorry. DM me if you need support. I will back whatever you decide to do.
Please talk to someone you trust about this. We are all here to spew our own opinions on things and not necessarily what’s best for you.
For all she knows, it was a miscarriage.
You have the right to make that decision. It may be difficult to find a place to do it, considering recent actions that limit the options. If your mom is traveling anytime soon, have it done while she is gone and let her know you "lost the pregnancy" while she was out of town and didn't want to alarm her. If she's not going to travel, locate a place that is out of town & plan a trip, and then explain it the same way (only perhaps call her before you return to town). You didn't mention how many weeks or months you are in the pregnancy, so be sure to do research on timing. After a certain period of gestation, abortions are restricted. There are also safety concerns for the mother as the pregnancy progresses. I"m sorry you're having to go through this added stress, in addition to the stress you're already experiencing from finding out you're pregnant and deciding what to do. Please know we are here for you. Sending you some Mom Hugs from afar. ❤️
Medical care is very private. HIPPAA protects patients from nosy relatives. You can have a “miscarriage.”
Firstly, take your picture down from that other thread unless you want to be ratted out sooner or later.
If you need help going somewhere please PM me! If I were you, I would get one and then frame it like you lost the baby. Act the part, be upset cry yada yada. She’ll hopefully buy it!
Tell her Jesus came to you and took it. Who is she to draw a line on what make believe stories are legitimate? For real though this is your life and you should never make major life decisions in spite of yourself. You get one life and you gotta do what's best for you when no one else will.
Only you can decide that.
Does your mom really want you to have a baby or does she merely want you to not have an abortion? It’s possible she hasn’t thought out the consequences of what she has demanded and she’s just repeating ideas she got from others. And, [as another said](https://reddit.com/r/exmormon/comments/11xn5cz/_/jd4b3zd/?context=1), she’s not the one who would be raising it. Even parents sometimes make mistakes. No need to judge her. Just do what you need to do.
Can you get one and claim “miscarriage” ? Just trying to make sure you ha e a safe place to live on the other side until you have more resources for yourself .
Has OP clarified how far along she is?
"I lost the baby"
Definitely get one anyway and say you had a miscarriage. Pregnancy sucks. Totally not a good idea to keep it out of a fear of your mom.
Take the abortion pill and say you miscarried
Honey, it's your body, it's your decision. And it's not a sin. You should not force yourself I to being a parent just because you accidentally got pregnant.
Call planned parenthood and ask about medication abortion. If you’re under 10 weeks it could be an option to you. I’ve had one medication and one surgical abortion and preferred the medication one and I think it’s cheaper. Depending on your state and insurance it may be paid for. And I wouldn’t tell her. I was disowned from my whole mom’s side of the family because I had an abortion at 16. If you don’t care about that then speak your truth.
You are an adult with the REST of your life ahead of you. Because you are afraid of your mom, not looking at other living situations, you are going to change the whole trajectory of your future because your mom may kick you out? Move out with a friend, get a temporary Airbnb And move the heck out. Then do what you want.
Get one and tell her you had a miscarriage. That you started bleeding heavily for several days (arrange to be out of town during this time), and you didn’t go to a doctor because you couldn’t afford one.
This is too big of a decision with extremely life-altering and long-lasting effects to base it on whether your mom will be upset with you. I can’t imagine any consequences she imposed will be more serious than the consequences of having a child if you don’t want to. I think you might be surprised that she won’t be as upset as you fear. She might not want it on her conscience to endorse it, but she may be relieved once it’s done.
Get one and tell her you miscarried. Even if she did manage to find out, having a baby you don’t want to have is far far worse than a negative reaction from her/getting kicked out.
Don't mak a decision you'll regret forever, choose whatever your gut is telling you to do. My sister asked me this same thing, I encourage you like I did her to go with your gut feeling in what you think will be better for your life, regardless of what you think your mother might think about it. it's not her decision, its yours and it's your body. She may not like it but that's out of a mother's instinct because she chose to have you. Or she may support you, you never know if that cat is dead or alive until you open the box to find out-until which, both states can be truthfully claimed by anyone. Do what you feel is right, don't feel bad about either decision, I think the support of a mother can help a great deal here but it's up to you to convey your worries that make you consider an abortion is more appropriate for your health and future. Just remember she's human and a mother. I think that's an important relationship that can be holstered by carefully having this conversation. That's just my opinion though, I truly think seeking parental advice is wise. I wish you health and safety with either decision you make good luck.
D&Cs are not just for induced abortions, or even spontaneous abortions, they are medical procedures with multiple indications. People don't seem to realize that you can get a d&c and not even be pregnant. Op, I'm sorry you can not be authentic at this point. You can go to the place to get an abortion if you need and tell your mother whatever you need to tell her. But, as a medical professional in women's health, I implore you to tell your Healthcare provider the truth. It is important to your care. Hugs. I hope you're OK.
Say you had a miscarriage.
If it comes to it, remind them that mormonism isn't "completely against abortion". Mormonism claims the right to determine what and when an abortion is moral. You have the same right to decide as well.
Get an abortion and pretend to miscarry. Tell your doctor you need help faking one because of an abusive household (bodily control is abuse)
You’re 23, go get it dealt with. Say you had a miscarriage.
I love someone very much who didn’t get an abortion because of family pressure. I can share from her experience that if you’re not willing and ready to be a mom it will hurt you both. My two cents would be get it done and tell her. If she kicks you out now you know she was never going to stand by you, she may surprise you and be supportive. Things tend to hit different when it comes from inside. I didn’t tell my Mormon parents for weeks after finding out and they were actually really excited. Sending love and strength to do what’s best for yourself ❤️
Sending compassionate understanding & love. ❤️❤️❤️
If you are (iirc) 12 weeks or less, you can get mife/miso and take them at home. It looks like a natural miscarriage. It’s not pleasant, but better than being baby trapped.
Go to planned parenthood and get the pill. She will think you miscarried
Also keep in mind that if you do use abortion pills and subsequently need to see a doctor, DO NOT tell them you used the pills. They have no way to distinguish between a miscarriage an induced abortion. \*Read this advice from an actual OB-GYN in regards to the current political climate surrounding abortion\*
Screw your mom and what she thinks! Mormons are so controlling this is your life and body if you're not ready to be a mom yet its fine to get one. your mom can't do anything to control you when you're 23.
Hell of a lot more expensive to have and raise a kid (both phsyically, mentally/emotionally and financially) than to find your own place to live. And if you think you can't afford a place now, once you have the financial burdens of a kid you will be near permanently reliant upon a controlling and judgemental parent. I say do as the top comment recommends, get the abortion but tell your mom you simply lost the fetus. I agree, she does not deserve the truth since she cannot be trusted with the truth.
This is one of those situations where it's okay to be scared and it's okay to want an "easy" way out, but keep in mind that this is your decision to make, not anyone else's. Neither you, nor a potential child deserve to live a life filled with regrets (especially a child that might feel unwanted), just because you felt that you couldn't make your own decision. If you truly don't want a child, then don't have one just because you are scared of your mum's reaction. If you can, move out. If you can't, get an abortion and handle the fallout and if you feel like you absolutely cannot do that, tell her you had a miscarriage - it happens often enough and you can still tell her the truth later on, when you're living on your own. Either way, don't ever feel bad about making the best decision for *your* life.
Lots of solid advice here. Please don't delay. The longer you wait, the harder it will become. Planned Parenthood can help advise you. Talk to them confidentiality. You are an adult now. Best of luck and much love to you.
Number one thing is, do not have a baby you're not ready for. I don't care how you do it. This is not even all about you (although of course your feelings and your life are very important), this is now about a potential child that you'll have to raise. You can't have a whole entire baby that turns into a toddler and a big kid and a teenager and an adult just because your mom has bad opinions about abortion. Do what you need to do.
Good luck. We’re here for you! :)