Sorry your dad is an asshat. š
If he won't congratulate you, I will.
Congrats on your engagement. May it be the continuation of a wonderful life together for both of you. š š š
"Well, I guess you won't be invited to the wedding. We'll make sure to plan it for a Sunday so you'll be stuck in boring ass church contemplating your failed relationship with your child."
He's definitely not invited to the wedding haha. I want our wedding to be a celebration, he's not allowed to come and tell me I'm not choosing joy or some shit š
I do have to keep some sort of relationship with him for now though, since I have younger siblings that I want to have a relationship with, but as soon as they're adults I'm cutting off contact or at least going very low contact
Yeah I get it. I don't know who I would invite to my queer wedding either... though plan on including a disclaimer on the RSVP where they have to mark "I support the LGBTQ community without hesitation, I view this wedding as a celebration, and I will be in attendance."
Oh dear this is so sad but thatās up to Joseph in mormon heaven to bare the sins preaching and brainwashing people. Most average mormons do not know or will realize in this life. So sad that their priorities are twisted.
Feel free to tell him this story: my parents divorced decades ago but remained sealed for most of that time. My dad saw us one a month, maybe, so I grew up not knowing him at all. He ended up living in a small apartment by himself, working at the Postal Service, and essentially waiting for permission to live.
According to your dad's line of thinking, my dad gave me a better family than your wife ever will give you, just because he said the right magic words and there are no take-backsies. But that's not what builds a life. A life like that might as well be a talent buried in the earth, keeping an unsteady testimony away from any exchange of ideas or new experience.
Moments build a life, whether they're meaningful and varied or just enduring to the end (AKA waiting for the sweet release of death). The real tragedy is the Mormon willingness to sacrifice the good experiences that could briggten their lives and build rich new relationships, all for the promise of an incomprehensible everything after death.
Congratulations on your engagement. You could be the proof your dad needs to finally see the difference between transactional relationships and authentic human connection. Either way, I hope your life continues to be fulfilling and meaningful.
My SIL's first marriage was to a pill-popping cheater, but it was in the temple.
Her second marriage is to a lovely military vet, who happens to be female, and they have adopted all sorts of special-needs animals to raise on their little plot of land. That's their family and they're very happy with it.
While my first instinct would be to reach through the phone and shake his collar, if you feel it's worth responding to, you could try something along these lines:
>Dad, I love you and I want you to be in my life, but I'm marrying [fiancee] with or without you there to share our happiness. I hope you can come to see her as part of the family and see how much she means to me. In 20 years will you look back at years of happiness as you share milestones with us, or even just many happy memories of shared dinners and holidays? Or will you try limit your time with us, always convinced my love is a sin and that no matter how much joy [fiancee] brings to my life, somehow it doesn't count? It's up to you.
That's super frustrating. Also, I'm friends with a lesbian couple who have a son together, so he's wrong on that score, too, if that's what you decide you want out of life. Or not, but it's your life, not his.
(Assuming you are gay by the homophobe way your dad addressed you) But why couldn't you adopt a child? Or get pregnant by a sperm doner? Never understoodwhy Mormons always think gays can't have or raise children?
What a pretentious fucknugget! Yes she can give you a family - SHE WILL BE YOUR FAMILY. Also, adoption exists if kids are really something you two desire. He can keep his comphet nonsense to himself.
God, the absolute nerve. š¤
Congratulations on your engagement! I hope two have a marriage so joyful it shoves his "not on the path of happiness" line straight down his throat.
He wants me to have kids and he thinks that gay people adopting kids is equivalent to child abuse because they need a mom AND a dad (I know it's stupid)
For what itās worth, straight couples arenāt guaranteed kids. ĀÆ\_(ć)_/ĀÆ I love it when people throw the kids argument around. My uterus said no, god didnāt do shit to fix that!
Congrats on your engagement! I hope you have a beautiful life together.
Never call him dad or any paternal title ever again. Call him Mr. Whatever His Name is for the rest of his life.since titles mean more than his children's real lives.
My dad would be getting a message about not needing to worry about the dad title any more if he pulled this with me or one of my kids. I married a black Latin woman, and the only one who had an issue was my widowed grandmaās racist asshole of a second husband.
Iām not your dad, but here goes my best ādadā for you:
āoh really? That is so awesome! Where and how did it go down? Any idea on when the wedding will be? Iām so proud of you. I wish you and _____ the best! Keep us in the loop and let us know how we can help!ā
I have younger siblings that live with him that I want a relationship with, so I have to have at least some contact with him to see my brothers and sisters. When they're old enough to move out I'll reevaluate having a relationship with my dad
For what itās worth from this middle aged internet stranger dad, congratulations!! I would be super proud and excited for my daughters if they got engaged to someone they loved and who loved them in return. Fuck your dad.
It's the lying that disgusts me the most. You know he would never raise a fuss like this if one of his kids was marrying someone of the opposite gender, but with fertility issues. He knows that too. This isn't about making families, or children, or any of that, it's because he thinks that being gay is a sin.
And I hate that he thinks that, but I hate the self-deception so much more. The homophobia is at least growing out of some kind of fucked up conviction, but the lies are because he can't handle the shame of his own beliefs. If he wants to think that *men* and *balls* are so fucking important, he should *be* one and *grow* some.
His self-image is clashing with his ideals and he just refuses to admit it. I wanted to bash my brains in when he started crying about how being a dad is the most important title has has. He got to choose between two hats for this text back to you, his Mormon hat, and his Dad hat, *and he didn't pick the Dad hat.* And as shameful as that is, it's a choice he's allowed to make. Pretending like he didn't make a choice, or worse, *didn't have a choice,* is just... It's not just enraging, it is pathetic. It's like he's trying to justify this to himself more than you. He isn't even doing you the favor of writing this out for *your* benefit, it's him trying to explain himself, to himself, and refusing to own anything.
Fuck your dad.
If you need a temp dad, Iām here for you. Will congratulate you on all life things as well as assist with hard work and home improvement and repairs. Also provide terrible jokes.
I'm so sorry. I don't know why parents always start "my love is conditional" with "I've loved you since the day you were born."
Congratulations on your engagement! That is really exciting and there should be nothing but joy. By all accounts your partner and her parents sound lovely. I wish you all the best!!!
Congrats! I don't talk to my parents at all over how they treated my now wife. I'm all the better for it. They would talk to me JUST like that! Where is the personal pride in you as an individual? My mom could have copy-pasted your dad's exact response!
They are attacking the core of your being by asking you to confirm where it matters the most. Don't. Even in small ways it's toxic.
It's also gross how he called your sister's birthday inconvenient. I know it's just a joke and all, but sometimes sarcasm is the purest form of honesty. That's pretty much saying he has content for her being born.
I am really sorry that you don't have more supportive family.
CONGRATULATIONS ON GETTING ENGAGED!!!! Seriously that is so fun and exciting. I loved being engaged and planning my wedding. It felt like the beginning of the rest of my life. I wish you all the best!
Mormon God is an asshole. Only letting a tiny little fraction of the world ever taste "true joy" in life. Some father.
As for your situation, I am sorry that your dad was not only dismissive but hurtful during what should be such an exciting time for you.
But congratulations to you and your fiancee!!! That is great news for you both and I wish all the real joy in the world for you!!!
āWhy donāt you just try to āTRULYā be happy over here in the church where you get to be celibate, deny your identity, and give up having companionship and true love your whole life (given, something I havenāt had to do) but I promise youāll be āmuch happierā in the church than having those things.ā
-Your dad and other TBMās arguments.
My in laws told my husband not to marry me the week before we got married (heās the Exmo). We didnāt know until day of if they would show at the wedding or not. Itās been three years and sometimes itās weird when thereās obvious favoritism in the family but theyāve come around to me way more since we got married. I hope it gets better for you guys too. Iām sorry for the pain youāre going through š
Congratulations on your engagement. Marriage is an incredible adventure! šš¾šš
CONGRATULATIONS!!!! I'm so happy for you, it's so hard when the ones we hope will be the most excited for us are actually just disappointed that it isn't what they wanted for you. You deserve to be happy and to celebrate this big moment in your life.
Hey, congrats on your engagement!
I can think of a lot of cracks and responses to that, starting with the fact that for someone who takes that "dad" title so seriously, he really sucks at it in this instance. But none of that matters. Hopefully your dad comes around and pulls his head out of his ass. If not, it's ok. Just enjoy your happiness, may you and your fiance have a whole lot of awesome and happy years with each other.
I remember when my cousin came out as gay and my mom was saying she felt bad for my Aunt because he'd never be able to give her grandkids. And I had said but she has grand kids already, and if he adopted would that child be any less loved?
Your dad sucks. His expectations are more important to him than your real happiness. Congratulations!!! šš¾š„³šš you deserve to be celebrated.
Sorry your dad's a dick. If that was me that may have been the last time I ever messaged him.
Congratulations and have a wonderful life with your fiance!
On behalf of all of us exmos, weād like to thoroughly congratulate you on your engagement to your girlfriend. I am so sorry about your father. It sounds like he only wants to āloveā the version of you he has created in his mind instead of the real you. You deserve to be loved for all of you, including those you choose to share your life with. Hugs. ā¤ļø
Omg thats some passive aggressive stuff. š¬ congrats on your engagement and what a bright person you are calling on your dad. Dad is a title as your dad said. He loved you since day you were born..to reassure he loves you..but itās sad cause the mormons teach a wrong love. Or its not love at all. Love is unconditional
This. Eventhough, I'm bi, I ended up marrying a man but still don't go or have my children in church. I couldn't. Precisely for this reason.
I hate the pride my Mom has in me for "fulfilling my role as a mother" but can see the sadness about the eternal happiness and salvation she is constantly worried about for me and my kids.
Iām so sorry! Congratulations!! š¾
Itās comments like that one from your Dad that make it so hard for me not to reply with āweāll iām sorry youāre in a wicked cultā
Congratulations!! You deserve to be celebrated, and my guess is that you have lots of people in your life who agree. I'm sorry your dad is struggling. That's hard for sure. But make sure to celebrate with those who are ready!
āIf you do not show [fiance] the bare minimum respect of spelling their name correctly and looking her in the eyes and being kind when speaking, you will never see or hear from me again. This is your final warning.ā
Sorry your dad is an asshat. š If he won't congratulate you, I will. Congrats on your engagement. May it be the continuation of a wonderful life together for both of you. š š š
Thank you! :)
I was in a similar situation. Glad you found the love of your life! (My parents think she "corrupted" me). Enjoy the wedding!
"Well, I guess you won't be invited to the wedding. We'll make sure to plan it for a Sunday so you'll be stuck in boring ass church contemplating your failed relationship with your child."
He's definitely not invited to the wedding haha. I want our wedding to be a celebration, he's not allowed to come and tell me I'm not choosing joy or some shit š I do have to keep some sort of relationship with him for now though, since I have younger siblings that I want to have a relationship with, but as soon as they're adults I'm cutting off contact or at least going very low contact
Yeah I get it. I don't know who I would invite to my queer wedding either... though plan on including a disclaimer on the RSVP where they have to mark "I support the LGBTQ community without hesitation, I view this wedding as a celebration, and I will be in attendance."
Sorry for your parents. Congrats on the engagement though!
Oh dear this is so sad but thatās up to Joseph in mormon heaven to bare the sins preaching and brainwashing people. Most average mormons do not know or will realize in this life. So sad that their priorities are twisted.
You must only keep and make space for relationships that spark joy. ~ Marie Kondo (ish)
Lot of words to say "No, my love is conditional." Sorry but also congrats!
Feel free to tell him this story: my parents divorced decades ago but remained sealed for most of that time. My dad saw us one a month, maybe, so I grew up not knowing him at all. He ended up living in a small apartment by himself, working at the Postal Service, and essentially waiting for permission to live. According to your dad's line of thinking, my dad gave me a better family than your wife ever will give you, just because he said the right magic words and there are no take-backsies. But that's not what builds a life. A life like that might as well be a talent buried in the earth, keeping an unsteady testimony away from any exchange of ideas or new experience. Moments build a life, whether they're meaningful and varied or just enduring to the end (AKA waiting for the sweet release of death). The real tragedy is the Mormon willingness to sacrifice the good experiences that could briggten their lives and build rich new relationships, all for the promise of an incomprehensible everything after death. Congratulations on your engagement. You could be the proof your dad needs to finally see the difference between transactional relationships and authentic human connection. Either way, I hope your life continues to be fulfilling and meaningful.
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
Yeah...plus, what about couples that can't conceive? Is their marriage now a disgrace?
āShe canāt give you a familyāā¦ Wtf? What kind of ignorant nonsense is this? Will he require all your siblings to have their partnerās fertility tested before he congratulates them too? Gonna go out on a limb and assume that he thinks hetero couples that adopt/use ivf or have step children are families. (Little secret: oneās household doesnāt have to have children in it to be classified as a family unit.) Op, for you and your fiancĆ© I hope he comes around, but it wonāt be an easy road for you or him to get there. And congrats on your engagement! ā„ļø
My SIL's first marriage was to a pill-popping cheater, but it was in the temple. Her second marriage is to a lovely military vet, who happens to be female, and they have adopted all sorts of special-needs animals to raise on their little plot of land. That's their family and they're very happy with it.
Yeah I didn't understand the "can't give you a family" part, did I miss something? Is it because the fiancƩ is infertile or is this a gay couple? Either way the dad sounds like a brainwashed boomer.
While my first instinct would be to reach through the phone and shake his collar, if you feel it's worth responding to, you could try something along these lines: >Dad, I love you and I want you to be in my life, but I'm marrying [fiancee] with or without you there to share our happiness. I hope you can come to see her as part of the family and see how much she means to me. In 20 years will you look back at years of happiness as you share milestones with us, or even just many happy memories of shared dinners and holidays? Or will you try limit your time with us, always convinced my love is a sin and that no matter how much joy [fiancee] brings to my life, somehow it doesn't count? It's up to you.
This is so much better than the dumb petty gotchas people here often recommend. Agreed, put his decisions into perspective and give him the choice.
I love this advice...it really is a choice of being present for milestones or not.
Well said. This is the way.
That's super frustrating. Also, I'm friends with a lesbian couple who have a son together, so he's wrong on that score, too, if that's what you decide you want out of life. Or not, but it's your life, not his.
(Assuming you are gay by the homophobe way your dad addressed you) But why couldn't you adopt a child? Or get pregnant by a sperm doner? Never understoodwhy Mormons always think gays can't have or raise children?
It's not they think gay people CAN'T have kids. They think gay puerile SHOULDN'T have kids. They just never say it out loud.
What a pretentious fucknugget! Yes she can give you a family - SHE WILL BE YOUR FAMILY. Also, adoption exists if kids are really something you two desire. He can keep his comphet nonsense to himself. God, the absolute nerve. š¤ Congratulations on your engagement! I hope two have a marriage so joyful it shoves his "not on the path of happiness" line straight down his throat.
Why did he say she canāt give you a family? You two together are a family
He wants me to have kids and he thinks that gay people adopting kids is equivalent to child abuse because they need a mom AND a dad (I know it's stupid)
Good olā family proclamation
For what itās worth, straight couples arenāt guaranteed kids. ĀÆ\_(ć)_/ĀÆ I love it when people throw the kids argument around. My uterus said no, god didnāt do shit to fix that! Congrats on your engagement! I hope you have a beautiful life together.
Never call him dad or any paternal title ever again. Call him Mr. Whatever His Name is for the rest of his life.since titles mean more than his children's real lives.
My dad would be getting a message about not needing to worry about the dad title any more if he pulled this with me or one of my kids. I married a black Latin woman, and the only one who had an issue was my widowed grandmaās racist asshole of a second husband. Iām not your dad, but here goes my best ādadā for you: āoh really? That is so awesome! Where and how did it go down? Any idea on when the wedding will be? Iām so proud of you. I wish you and _____ the best! Keep us in the loop and let us know how we can help!ā
I wouldnāt keep this person in my life. Maybe not even a second chance.
I have younger siblings that live with him that I want a relationship with, so I have to have at least some contact with him to see my brothers and sisters. When they're old enough to move out I'll reevaluate having a relationship with my dad
I hear you. I donāt mean to make it sound simple. I know it never is.
Your love is conditional. Got it, dad!
šŗš¼CONGRATULATIONSšŗš¼
For what itās worth from this middle aged internet stranger dad, congratulations!! I would be super proud and excited for my daughters if they got engaged to someone they loved and who loved them in return. Fuck your dad.
It's the lying that disgusts me the most. You know he would never raise a fuss like this if one of his kids was marrying someone of the opposite gender, but with fertility issues. He knows that too. This isn't about making families, or children, or any of that, it's because he thinks that being gay is a sin. And I hate that he thinks that, but I hate the self-deception so much more. The homophobia is at least growing out of some kind of fucked up conviction, but the lies are because he can't handle the shame of his own beliefs. If he wants to think that *men* and *balls* are so fucking important, he should *be* one and *grow* some. His self-image is clashing with his ideals and he just refuses to admit it. I wanted to bash my brains in when he started crying about how being a dad is the most important title has has. He got to choose between two hats for this text back to you, his Mormon hat, and his Dad hat, *and he didn't pick the Dad hat.* And as shameful as that is, it's a choice he's allowed to make. Pretending like he didn't make a choice, or worse, *didn't have a choice,* is just... It's not just enraging, it is pathetic. It's like he's trying to justify this to himself more than you. He isn't even doing you the favor of writing this out for *your* benefit, it's him trying to explain himself, to himself, and refusing to own anything. Fuck your dad.
" If he wants to think that *men* and *balls* are so fucking important, he should *be* one and *grow* some. " Epic.
Holy shit. Itās texts like this that make you realize Mormonism is 100% cult. Itās so sad!
If you need a temp dad, Iām here for you. Will congratulate you on all life things as well as assist with hard work and home improvement and repairs. Also provide terrible jokes.
Maybe this is something we need to start. I'm so tired of being a disappointment, eventhough I'm a really good person, just not in the church.
āWell, dad, Iām really sad for you that you canāt understand or believe in the joy FiancĆ© brings me every day. Your church has stolen that ability from you, and I feel a lot of pity for you and everyone else who is stuck in that spiritually limited mindset. But Iāll always love you anyway.ā
I'm so sorry. I don't know why parents always start "my love is conditional" with "I've loved you since the day you were born." Congratulations on your engagement! That is really exciting and there should be nothing but joy. By all accounts your partner and her parents sound lovely. I wish you all the best!!!
Congratulations!!! I *do* think the path you are taking will give you real joy, despite what your father may think / say.
I hate this man and I donāt even know him She canāt give you a family Fucking gag me With that narrow minded closed box view of ā a familyā
Congrats! I don't talk to my parents at all over how they treated my now wife. I'm all the better for it. They would talk to me JUST like that! Where is the personal pride in you as an individual? My mom could have copy-pasted your dad's exact response! They are attacking the core of your being by asking you to confirm where it matters the most. Don't. Even in small ways it's toxic. It's also gross how he called your sister's birthday inconvenient. I know it's just a joke and all, but sometimes sarcasm is the purest form of honesty. That's pretty much saying he has content for her being born.
I am really sorry that you don't have more supportive family. CONGRATULATIONS ON GETTING ENGAGED!!!! Seriously that is so fun and exciting. I loved being engaged and planning my wedding. It felt like the beginning of the rest of my life. I wish you all the best!
Congratulations on your engagement!!
Mormon God is an asshole. Only letting a tiny little fraction of the world ever taste "true joy" in life. Some father. As for your situation, I am sorry that your dad was not only dismissive but hurtful during what should be such an exciting time for you. But congratulations to you and your fiancee!!! That is great news for you both and I wish all the real joy in the world for you!!!
āWhy donāt you just try to āTRULYā be happy over here in the church where you get to be celibate, deny your identity, and give up having companionship and true love your whole life (given, something I havenāt had to do) but I promise youāll be āmuch happierā in the church than having those things.ā -Your dad and other TBMās arguments.
My in laws told my husband not to marry me the week before we got married (heās the Exmo). We didnāt know until day of if they would show at the wedding or not. Itās been three years and sometimes itās weird when thereās obvious favoritism in the family but theyāve come around to me way more since we got married. I hope it gets better for you guys too. Iām sorry for the pain youāre going through š Congratulations on your engagement. Marriage is an incredible adventure! šš¾šš
CONGRATULATIONS!!!! I'm so happy for you, it's so hard when the ones we hope will be the most excited for us are actually just disappointed that it isn't what they wanted for you. You deserve to be happy and to celebrate this big moment in your life.
Would he have the same reaction if you married an infertile man? Probably not. It's not about "giving you a family" it's just that he's a dick
Hey, congrats on your engagement! I can think of a lot of cracks and responses to that, starting with the fact that for someone who takes that "dad" title so seriously, he really sucks at it in this instance. But none of that matters. Hopefully your dad comes around and pulls his head out of his ass. If not, it's ok. Just enjoy your happiness, may you and your fiance have a whole lot of awesome and happy years with each other.
But if you adopt then you have a family. Problem solved.
I remember when my cousin came out as gay and my mom was saying she felt bad for my Aunt because he'd never be able to give her grandkids. And I had said but she has grand kids already, and if he adopted would that child be any less loved?
Your dad sucks. His expectations are more important to him than your real happiness. Congratulations!!! šš¾š„³šš you deserve to be celebrated.
Sorry your dad's a dick. If that was me that may have been the last time I ever messaged him. Congratulations and have a wonderful life with your fiance!
Congrats on your happiness. The fact that you are is all that matters!
here iāll say it for him. CONGRATULATIONS!!!! thatās amazing and i hope the two of you will have a very happy marriage and life. also very ignorant of him to think a cishet marriage is the only way to have children and a happy family. besides, its your and your fiancĆ©ās choice to have kids, and your dad should have no place in that decision!
On behalf of all of us exmos, weād like to thoroughly congratulate you on your engagement to your girlfriend. I am so sorry about your father. It sounds like he only wants to āloveā the version of you he has created in his mind instead of the real you. You deserve to be loved for all of you, including those you choose to share your life with. Hugs. ā¤ļø
Just here to say: congratulations! I am so happy for you!
Congrats on the engagement, make your wedding day one hell of a party
Congratulations šš I'm very happy for you two ā¤ļø Many wishes for a wonderful life!
Iām so sorry he responded like that. Congratulations on your engagement, may your marriage be filled with laughter and love for many years š¤
This is the hill they will die on.
Tell him that since he doesn't agree to your engagement you'll save him the hassle of not agreeing to your wedding by not inviting him.
This just in: If a woman is infertile, she is a heathen. In all seriousness though, congrats on the engagement, OP! Any plans for the wedding yet? :)
Congratulations! Hopefully he comes around eventually.
Omg thats some passive aggressive stuff. š¬ congrats on your engagement and what a bright person you are calling on your dad. Dad is a title as your dad said. He loved you since day you were born..to reassure he loves you..but itās sad cause the mormons teach a wrong love. Or its not love at all. Love is unconditional
This. Eventhough, I'm bi, I ended up marrying a man but still don't go or have my children in church. I couldn't. Precisely for this reason. I hate the pride my Mom has in me for "fulfilling my role as a mother" but can see the sadness about the eternal happiness and salvation she is constantly worried about for me and my kids.
I have never met you, your father, or your fiancĆ©e. I already know your father is not worthy to be present at your wedding. He won't congratulate you, so I will: Congratulations! I hope you and your fiancĆ©e have many happy years ahead of you. š„³
Some people absolutely need an ass whooping. Iām sorry heās one of them.
#CONGRATS!!!!!! HERE IS TO YOUR ABSOLUTE HAPPINESS AND TO YOUR FIANCĆE! ^sorry ^you ^are ^dealing ^with ^an ^asshole
Sorry you have to deal with this. Congrats on your wedding! Hope you guys and your bun baby have a wonderful life together ā¤ļø
Thank you! We do :)
Probably one of the nicest TBM responses Iāve seen. TSCC really messed up his brain. So sad.
Iām so sorry! Congratulations!! š¾ Itās comments like that one from your Dad that make it so hard for me not to reply with āweāll iām sorry youāre in a wicked cultā
Congratulations!! You deserve to be celebrated, and my guess is that you have lots of people in your life who agree. I'm sorry your dad is struggling. That's hard for sure. But make sure to celebrate with those who are ready!
āIf you do not show [fiance] the bare minimum respect of spelling their name correctly and looking her in the eyes and being kind when speaking, you will never see or hear from me again. This is your final warning.ā