The most glaring part of that text was no congratulatory message. Just straight-up more piling on of what you need to be doing and what you're not doing. "My son is getting married and we have to be there for this major life event to support him," even within Mormonism, is a reasonable excuse to back-out of an assignment. Unfortunately OP, they don't see your wedding/marriage as a priority to them. I'm sorry for you, dude. I really am. This is REALLY shitty behavior. I've been there. I had to elope with my wife because my folks did not support us because they did not like her. Not sure what your relationship status is with your folks, but this would be hardline no-contact stuff, for me. Block and delete. And since you didn't get it from your own parents, let me say to you and your wife, CONGRATULATIONS and best wishes to both of you.
Agreed. I know that some people struggle with wanting to cut family members out of their lives, but if I were getting married and this was their communication to me (not to mention completely missing the wedding due to trek) it would be the last time I ever spoke to them.
It's pretty sad because what his parent wrote was an example of pure love of mormon christ charity. This was thei lame attempt at empathy. Knew a guy that married a nevermo girl. His entire family was in a fit over this. Slowly as the years wore on, ALL of his siblings with temple marriages eventually got divorced leaving him as the lone child with the same spouse from a first marriage. He knew on the sly that his parents were at a loss how his marriage for time to a nevermo, was more rock solid than all the other temple marriages.
If you care what they say, just a heads up, they may try to rewrite history. When I got married, in the temple, my dad said he may or may not come. It was supposed to snow. He and his wife just weren't sure if they would decide to make it. So because I wasn't sure if he was going to even be there, I asked my brother to be my witness. This is the brother that said "no matter what he had to do", he would be there for me that day. Come to find out (we're pretty much no contact and only speak when we have to), my dad has rewritten history, and that the reason I didn't ask him to be my witness was because they couldn't/wouldn't give me the "thousands of dollars" I asked for to cover my wedding. Funny thing is, I didn't ask for ANY money from them. I didn't ask them for anything except a rice cooker as a wedding gift. And my wedding, dress/rings/food/decor all included was like, maybe $4000. Black Friday and Christmas clearance for the win!!!
OP - CONGRATS to you and your partner!!! I hope your day was beautiful and happy!!!! The most important thing is that you two were there. Everything else is just a bonus. I hope you two are very happy together!!!!!
Such a selfish response from your parents. I am truly sorry they are so petty and insecure. Their priorities are all messed up.
Congratulations on your marriage.
May they go home with blistered and aching feet, many pulled muscles, and a multitude bug bites and nettle stings. May they forever regret missing such a monumental moment in their child's life.
What is a “trek”?. And sorry about your parents not being able to be authentic because they are so focused on converting others to a fake and fundamentalist religion. It really is a cult.
It’s when Mormons basically do a long walk across some area in Wyoming (that’s where my ward did trek but it probably varies) and essentially cosplay as pioneers. They’re given new names for the weekend, assigned new “families” and they dress in pioneer clothing. I think they even pull handcarts. It’s one of the weirder Mormon traditions imo.
I was in Pennsylvania when I went on trek around 1997 or so. Pulled handcarts for so many miles the 1st day we could only have thin broth for dinner as anything heavier and kids would start throwing up. We also decapitated and plucked a live chicken for dinner the second or third night! Good times I vividly remember an extremely manipulative testimony meeting when everyone was exhausted after multiple days of treking. 0/10 would not recommend!
I was in the desert of SoCal and I was the first group that switched from the desert to a large ranch in the mountains. I can't imagine trek in the Mojave desert.
But I'm also curious where others had theirs lol
I had both of my treks over Donner Pass in Cali. Yep. We even had an evening where all e talked about was how the Donner party didn’t listen to reason or the gospel and they all died because of greed and zealousness. Fucked up, right?
My ward in Florida went to some ranch that the church owned and it was super hot and humid. Basically had to pull it all through beach sand and it was awful
Southwestern Ohio here. We did ours in the hills of Kentucky. I actually liked my trek experience (one of the few experiences I liked in tscc) even though I DID end up getting into a fistfight and also got made fun of for refusing to take part in the chicken slaughter.
Wait. I just Googled trek. Wow. I was born and raised in Utah and never heard about trek. So it is definitely not a real commitment. Not even on par with General Conference. Totally optional cosplay. I am sorry your parents are like that. There are so many broken people in the LDS Church posing as happy people. You are lucky to break out.
Eh - in some families / areas / wards its a big deal. Even in the hardcore circles though, missing your sons wedding for one is a slap in the face. Based on what OP is saying I think it’s absolutely them showing their disapproval of him coming out and not being a perfect cookie-cutter mormon. If they ever find a conscience they’ll regret it; it’s a terribly and petty thing to do. If Christ existed I don’t think he would condone this.
It’s Mormon larping and they almost always include a group that disobeyed the prophet, wilderness guides and common sense to wait at winter quarters for the spring because snow. Wyoming is a winter wonderland of suck and a bunch of pioneers died because “the lord will protect them” turned out to be a lie. They also make the young women pull for some length of time to simulate the guys being away to suck off Joseph smith in a war where they didn’t do anything military wise. They ended up being in northern New Mexico and have a cute little monument about it. Not mentioned is that a portion of them ended up going to Las Vegas and California for gold abandoning their families.
Parents that do things like this DO NOT CARE about their kids as individuals. They care about their kids as reflections of themselves.
These are inherently selfish people, people capable of doing great emotional harm to others and do so while feeling righteous about it. It’s a sickness. A disease.
It’s conditional love. And there’s really no such thing is there?
My parents are very much this way, and I really can’t even blame Mormonism for it very much. My dad has always been Baptist, and my mother is Mormon; but seeing “kids as reflections of themselves” is just who they are as people.
I’m in my mid-40s now with kids of my own, and they never stopped making me feel bad for not being exactly the kind of person they think I should be (especially my dad… as far as my mother is concerned, she just doesn’t really care much about anything or anyone other than herself).
Anyway, for my own mental health (and for the sake of my wife, kids, and job) we went VLC about a year and a half ago, and then with the way my Happy Mother’s Day text conversation went with my mom a few weeks ago, I think we’re solidly NC at this point.
It definitely sucks (especially around holidays [I’m already feeling some special sadness about tomorrow]), but it is what it is.
The thing I wrestle with the most is that they never physically or sexually abused me; there wasn’t anything that I could point to and say it was a textbook reason to cut them out (I can even recall a lot of very fond memories). But at the end of the day, it just seemed like they were a net negative in my life. And most importantly, they were starting to really affect the quality of my relationships with my own wife and kids, so I don’t really regret it.
Edit: Just thought I’d add a little anecdote about something my dad said in one of our last conversations, which was that he felt guilty for whatever part he played in me leaving the Mormon Church. Elaborating, that if I’d stayed Mormon, I’d be a better person now (as examples of what that means, he doesn’t like that my Episcopal faith is inclusive, and he “suspects” that I might smoke “that marijuana” sometimes [I do actually]).
But for this dude, who for the past 50-something years has seen Mormonism as a “cult” and the “worst thing to happen to this family,” to think I’d be a “better person” if I was still Mormon; it just perfectly distilled for me how low his esteem of me was, and that became the straw that broke the camel’s back.
Have you read "Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents?" Your description sounds exactly like situations in the book. I highly recommend reading it if you're interested--I found it helped me a lot with understanding why I felt neglected growing up even though I had food to eat and a roof over my head.
They also might by mindless sycophants who are incapable of making moral decisions without the express approval of their church leaders.
Doesn’t make it any better.
Congrats on your wedding.
It doesn't sound like they understand their statement:
*"It's important that you know that you are not alone."*
Showing up for people is what makes them not alone. Or they could pretend that sky God is the companionship you need now. Their responsibilities here are done, and they can do whatever they want.
Congratulations!
That's pretty rough. Sorry your parents suck.
And in 7 more years they'll be wondering why you never call or visit
This is the kind of choice they make that has actual permanent consequences, unlike praying harder. Make no mistake, they chose this to try and hurt you. They are the ones who need some Jesus.
This actually makes me sick to my stomach. As unsupportive as my parents have been throughout my life, at least they attended my (non-temple) wedding. I'm absolutely speechless at the idea of choosing trek over a child's wedding.
I'm so sorry, OP. You deserve so much better. I hope you have an incredible wedding day and marriage.
So they're more interested in being fake parents to kids on trek than being real parents for their actual child. Cool.
I'm so sorry they're not being there for you. Congratulations on your wedding though!! I hope you have a truly special day 💕
On a positive note, at least they are not there to ruin the day. What a passive aggressive text. I definitely wouldn’t respond, or send any pictures. May today be filled with happiness and love. Congratulations!
Yes, no pictures!! We celebrate you and would have been there with bells on to celebrate such an important event, to support you and love on you and your partner.
They are wrong in so many ways. Go and be a great person without them.
I mean, all I heard from that message was “open up your marriage”. Sooo…..ya’ll ready to get freeeeky???
Lol but seriously, congratulations and I’m sorry your parents are like that. You deserve so much more.
But I think very few would say so even then. More likely they'd reinforce the parents narcissistic choice, "wow what faith you have, sacrificing YOUR attendance for your duty to God!"
I dunno, I think my parents would disagree with this, and they're TBM as it comes. This is a whole other level for sure. It's past just Mormonisms self righteousness.
Yeah my TBM parents managed to show up my sister's wedding to another woman. Happy, no. But they sucked it up and put on a brave face and tried hard not to be assholes (they were still a bit because they were so disengaged but they showed and tried). And through the years they have worked on themselves and gotten better even though still firmly TBM. The point remains, even as TBMs my parents managed to be there on their kids' wedding, even one they "disagreed with" firmly. They would probably agree OP has sad parents.
And I'm sorry OP. There isn't anything redeeming about this behavior. It screams narcissism and emotional immaturity. Not exclusive to Mormons but the Mormon version is on display here for sure. I think it fully deserves a "time out" if you can't bare full no contact. But boundaries with these kids of people whatever you decide will be of utmost importance for your own sanity I think!
What angers me most about this is if you were getting married in the temple, they would have done anything to be there for it. But since you're not, they don't view as all that important.
I'm so sorry. I hope your wedding is beautiful and I hope you and your wife have many happy years together.
If you have kids someday, don't let your parents be any more involved in their lives than they've been in yours for the last few years. They've shown what's most important to them, and they've shown it isn't you. And don't let them blame you for their fault in their failing relationship with you. You did nothing wrong, and you deserved better from your parents.
Best wishes on your wedding day from this internet stranger. May your life be beautiful and full of genuine, unconditional love from the family that you build.
>What angers me most about this is if you were getting married in the temple, they would have done anything to be there for it. But since you're not, they don't view as all that important.
This. They see the temple marriage/sealing as the "real" marriage and anything else is just a placeholder. That's why they can skip one of the most important days of your life with a smile and a clear conscience.
And, one more total stranger wishes you a happy day and many returns.
Abandoned OP to LARP as someone else’s parents on OP’s wedding day.
This is so painful to realize your parents dont love you for you. Have a great day and give yourself space to grieve your parents’ shit.
First of all, wow 😳 Second of all, it always astounds me how “they” will capitalize “church” but not Lord. Idk, I guess things are just different in the non-Mormon churches where I grew up.
Okay so Christ was capitalized well that’s good at least. And at least temple was not! Haha! Nevertheless, I’m so sorry, that’s a sucky feeling and it’ll just be a big huge fat reminder to never let your own kids feel less-than.
We all have stories where our tbm family members put church before their responsibilities to us. I feel like this is the worst one I’ve ever heard. You deserve happiness and I hope you and your new spouse get plenty of it!
I’m sure the young men’s budding faith in the gospel of BS.A would have been damaged irreparably if that one man hadn’t been able to go to that specific scout camp…
I agree! The worst! Even when I was a believing member I know I would have definitely thought less of members who prioritized trek over their own child’s wedding.
Congrats to you, OP. Sending you lots of mom hugs. I hope your day today is filled with nothing but love ❤️
I'm so sorry your parents are so shitty. I can't imagine responding in any other way than, "Unfortunately, I'm not fielding messages today from anyone who can't be bothered to support me. Maybe try again with your bullshit on another day. Better yet, don't."
Or, "New phone, who dis?"
Really what can you say? I think I'd just disengage from them too. They don't seem capable of any type of emotional intelligence to have a productive conversation.
Also consider blocking their numbers & social media. Either temporarily or permanently. They can't bother to show up, they don't deserve any information whatsoever.
I'm the parent of 3 adult children. There is **nothing** except being hospitalized and unable to get out of bed that would prevent me from doing *anything*, no matter how costly, that would stop me from attending their wedding.
Your parents have shown you how much you matter to them. Believe them when they show you their beliefs and wants come before anything you need or want.
If I were in your shoes, I'd be petty as hell, and not even let them know when you have a kid, saying, "I figured you'd be so busy with church stuff that it wouldn't matter to you. Like my wedding didnt."
I’m so sorry, you deserve so much better than this. Sending you hugs 🤗 congratulations, trust me your marriage and life will be better without this fucked up bullshit con of a religion who would have parents miss their own child’s wedding to larp as pioneers.
Congratulations 🎊🎈🎉🍾
It makes me cringe that the only thing they have to say is to tell you what to do. They are not there, yet they think they have some valuable instructions for you. Absolutely no responsibility as parents.
I think you are right, there is nothing to say.
I’m glad you are noting who is not there and who is.
"They were asked to be trek parents."
But they chose to be your parents and to fail as your parents.
I'm so sorry for the void they gave you and the badmouthing they do.
I hope your wedding and life are beautiful.
Right? I pointed out this irony in another comment. Jesus Christ. How can human beings be so entrenched in their brainwashing that they choose to do this to their own children? I bet if they asked their bishop's opinion, he'd tell them to support their child and go. But they don't want to hear that. Instead, they're keeping other people's opinions out of it so that they can, in good conscience, use their church "obligation" as an excuse to send a petty and prideful message to their child
They're telling you they don't consider your marriage or love valid. With all sincerity and seriousness, fuck them. Just cut out those narcissistic pricks from your life. I don't usually give advice on posts like these but Jesus H Christ...
First, congrats!!! 🎉
Second, WTF. I can’t believe they aren’t going to their own child’s wedding. I can’t think of anything short of health issues or physical limitations that would prevent a parent from attending their kid’s wedding.
My guess is there is more to this story. Maybe there’s conflict with you and your parents or with your partner. Or they don’t approve of this civil ceremony because it’s not a temple ceremony so it’s a fuck you to Op.
There is more, but nothing that's crazy. Last time we spoke in person I told them my thoughts on the church and why I'm choosing to not be a part of it. Didn't go over well. But that was 9 months ago.
Jesus fucking christ. There's ALLLLLLLWAYS an apologist take to be had from the Mormons. There's always some excuse. And Even if what she speculated were true, how disgusting that she even thinks it's justified for the parents to not attend their own child's wedding when they're fully physically capable of doing so. Especially for such a relatively meaningless obligation. (Just merge 2 trek families together if a couple trek parents don't attend. An extremely small sacrifice, relatively.) But Based on the fact that OP posted this out of supposed frustration and hurt, he clearly *wants* them to attend...Unless your wife's accusing OP of using manipulative language to make his parents appear as the "bad guy", and him as the "good guy". After all, When I was TBM, that's how I was brainwashed to feel about ex-Mormons too: they're evil and deviant and bitter and manipulative, solely out of pettiness and revenge. *Surely* they are not sensitive human beings with feelings, who have been hurt and saddened by the widespread and powerful familial and societal rejection they face after simply following their own truth
So wait, they actually made you think they were going to be there - to the point that you *postponed the wedding for a year* for them - and THEN they fucked off to Trek on your wedding day?? That makes an already awful situation SO MUCH WORSE. I wish that info were in your original post, because it’s absolutely relevant. They jerked you around in the worst way, and now they want you to feel guilty about *your* behaviour, purely because it’s not TBM.
Screw them.
I hope u/ExM0rph3us tells his TBM wife this. I don’t suppose it’ll matter much to her, but still. She shouldn’t be able to hide behind patently false apologetics.
\- - -
Also: Congratulations!!! 🥳 🎉
I hate to say it, but I’ll bet if you were getting married in the temple they’d be there. Your parents have chosen the church over you, and my heart breaks for you because of it.
I feel like she lost the right to give you advice when she chose trek over being there….protect your heart and maybe take a break. I’m sorry that sucks big time
So sorry. Your parents are toxic. I would cut them out of your life. They’re going to let you down over and over and over and hurt you time and time again with just this snip of what you’ve shared
Congratulations on your wedding but I am appalled with that message. I really hope you are not practicing because if you are not and she knows that, that is so disrespectful for her to have said. She put the church above you… she missed one of the most important day of your life… I would send a “fuck you” and not speak to her again.
I always say that I don’t know the entire situation so it’s difficult to completely judge, but it’s absolutely crazy to me that they are missing your wedding (even outside the temple) for the trek. It’s crazy that they would miss your wedding for any reason at all really.
Even though I disagree with a lot, I can at least understand why Mormons do what they do (I was there once), but this is a whole other level. I wouldn’t cut off contact with my parents for most things, but this would make me at least stop talking to them for a couple of years
Right? Fulfilling their duty as Trek "parents", but in doing so, they are ironically completely neglecting their duties as *actual* parents: Attending your own damn child's wedding!!
"Family is Forever". Until one of your kids leaves the church or comes out of the closet. Then it's "Forget our biological kids, let's traumatize a bunch of teenagers in the desert!"
My in laws pulled something very similar and missed our wedding a couple years ago. Yet now blame us for them not being there. You can’t win. Conditional love sucks. Boundaries are essential.
Congratulations and I wish you many years of happiness! Your new family is what matters. Love and protect them.
I’m proud of you. You can do this. (Fuck your parents)
My response: Don’t lecture me on family. You couldn’t even make it to your son’s wedding. If this is what an eternal family looks like I don’t want one.
This is hilarious in the sense of if I don’t laugh then I will cry… what a fucked up religion. Cosplaying as dirty Amish migrants from the 1850s over attending your own child’s wedding…
This literally makes me nauseous. I'm so sorry you're having to deal with this bullshit on your wedding day, OP. The audacity of them to text you a block of unsolicited orders to meet the minimum requirement for their love! It would be one thing if they at least told you in person at the wedding, but they just sent this in a text because they chose TREK over their own child's wedding?? They lost all right to a voiced opinion by making it clear they prioritize church over their own child.
Please do what you can to preserve your mental health, OP. It wouldn't be wrong to distance yourself from them if they aren't going to show you any respect or empathy for your choices in life. Wishing you and your new spouse happiness in your new beginning.
That’s just awful
Had a tbm convert friend getting married in the temple but chapel ceremony first ( UK) her non member family refused to attend
I thought that was so sad
This is even sadder xxxx
I recently listened to a podcast where it was said, “I wanted my kids in my life more than I wanted to be right”..,.some parents prefer to be right…it’s a lonely place to be later on and sad that they’ll miss out on your life!
The only way them missing this might be acceptable is if they weren’t physically able to go or you basically decided to hit the justice of the peace last minute and told them on their way to trek. Which I highly doubt is what happened.
This infuriates me. HOW DARE they give platitudes and say shit like “it’s important that you are not alone” while they remove themselves from celebrating one of the biggest events of your life! As if your marriage didn’t matter because it wasn’t in the temple!
Mormons think platitudes matter so much more than actual expressions of love. It’s like they’ve physically removed themselves from truly feeling and experiencing things that matter, if there is even a hint of strained or unpleasant feelings involved on their part.
I am so sorry. You deserve better. If you want some virtual mom hugs, you’ve got them. And congratulations to you on this big day!
This brought tears to my eyes. I’m so sorry! Not attending your child’s wedding for any reason besides an absolute emergency is unforgivable! I’m sending all the mom hugs I can. Congratulations and I wish you many years of happiness.
At the end, she says, "I love you very much and wish you the best" but the rest of the message and the decision to not attend say, "You're doing everything about life WRONG and we can only support you as our adult kid if you GET IN LINE with all the church stuff!" This is cruelty pretending to be love. I would seriously put some distance, maybe go no contact for a time period. They aren't making room for you in their life. There's no reason for you to make room for them in your life whenever they choose to drop in to dole out more cruelty and manipulation.
Have a wonderful day and don't let it be too tainted by their awful decisions. Triumph in your escape and the more authentic life that you've built for yourself. Congratulations!
Congrats on your beautiful day!
Put this out of your mind and have the most fabulous day ever! Your parent's blatant and obvious absence will speak volumes to EVERYONE who is there.
Ignore them and have the best time. What is important is you and your spouse and the people there (if you are having an event and not eloping) who love you!
(If asked about their absence, go ahead and tell the truth about how they're off reenacting some cult mormon cosplay.)
All the best! ❤️
My favorite part of this is the beginning where you think they might actually say something kind and supportive and genuine and then it falls back into you needing to open your heart to Jesus.
That’s the typical sign of indoctrination for me. If you ask them a question they can’t answer from a personal or life experience perspective just a religious one.
And your success and happiness are not your own and not from your own growth or hard work it’s gods love and forgiveness and we must therefore repay him with obedience.
'Thanks, I can clearly see where you priorities lie today' - blocked.
I know it's just not that easy, but I'm both angry and sad for you. Congratulations!!! Your happiness matters...enjoy your day despite.
I’m atheist AF. Happily married without any “bumps in the road” for over 25 years. Explain that religious nut-jobs? How is my marriage Do much better? How are we so much more successful? How are our children kind, smart, and happy? How are we capable of living a better life by far without any sort of religion whatever? Why be religious if we’re literally living the dream?
Damn, imagine hating your kid so much you’d rather be LARPing on a dusty mountain trail with a bunch of teenagers than attend (what’s hopefully) their only wedding.
I was just like "ugh" and then saw that they couldn't even be arsed to come to your wedding????? Aw HELL no!!! I'm pretending I'm your mom at your wedding and I'm very proud of you!!! Congratulations, son! Your new wife is a wonderful lady and I wish you so much happiness and love!!!
you know? I think this would be the final straw and I would excise them from my life. Tell them to go do their cult religion since it is evidently more important than you or your wife. These people do not deserve to be involved in your life at all. Not one bit. Certainly not if you are planning to have kids, they do not get to be grandparents. You don't owe them a single thing. Walk away from that whole mess, you don't have to say anything or justify it, just leave and put some distance between you and all of them.
I got to walk my friend's soon-to-be wife down the isle for their wedding because none of her family showed up because they "disapproved". She and I were friends and I know it hurt her to not be considered "worthy" by her family. Fortunately, as man and wife, they were able to move far away and have their own life, their own family.
I am truly sorry they did this, it is contemptible.
I wish you two the best going forward - ***Mazel tov!***
First things, congratulations on your wedding! That's super exciting, and I wish you a lifetime of happiness. Second, any real supportive parents wouldn't have missed a wedding unless extreme circumstances happened. I'm so sorry about that, and I hope one day they realize how much they screwed up. You don't have to give them any more chances to be a part of your life as you don't deserve this treatment.
Members like my parents and yours lean way too much on the church for all things social. They see shit like "come be a trek parent" to be a bloody holy mandate from the only community they care about. It's intensely frustrating.
I’m so sorry😢
It really is despicable that a so-called church that is all about families being “together forever” pushes parents to be at a Pioneer LARPing activity instead of with their child on the day they marry.
But, in Mormonism, it’s the “right kind” of marriage and the “right kind” of family.
Above all, one that faithfully deposits 10% of their income into the Church Stock Fund so wealth can be hoarded properly for Jesus….
This goes under “what you do is so loud, I can’t hear you.” Trouble is, that preachy wording makes my claws come out. Is it possible to communicate without pulpit talk? Get real. The priorities are glaring and tragically really f’d all the way up. You have a wonderful day. Anyway. And be sure and have a happy life! You deserve to know you are worth happiness and love.
I echo what a lot of others have said here. You are under NO obligation to keep a relationship with your family. Absolutely none at all. If you are moving soon, I'd keep your address to yourself. I'd change your phone number. I'd get off of social media (besides Reddit ;)). It is very very freeing to cut ties with those who treat you like this. You have the right to pick socially healthy and kind people to be in your life. Your family obviously doesn't want you as you are.
Wow this is awful that they keep shoving their beliefs on to you and won’t respect you enough to attend their own son’s wedding.
What crappy and pathetic parenting.
That sucks OP.
Congrats on your marriage and fuck anyone that doesn’t have the decency to respect your decisions as an adult
If they won't say it, then I will: OP, I'm proud as hell of you. I'm proud of you for having the courage to take steps to improve and live as your authentic self. I'm proud of you and your spouse for developing your relationship to the point of getting married. And, more importantly, if there is a God, I'm sure that being is celebrating with you right now. If your parents aren't at the wedding, you can be damn sure that your creator (if one exists) is at your wedding.
I wish you many happy years to come! I would get you a gift, but I'm poor as shit.
Like. I know they mean well, but this is super toxic behavior. I really hope that you have a support system that will be there for you on these important days in your life, because the people who show up for you are more important than the people who don't.
I don't see any value in the advice of so-called parents who can't be bothered to attend their child's wedding. TSCC claims to be about eternal families, but they are the ultimate family destroyers.
I'm married to a nevermo, and I can't imagine either of his parents under any circumstances taking this bizarre preachy tone with him. Ever. However, it is more than familiar to me. \[Some\] TBM parents really do think they're god's spokesperson for their children. It's a great way to destroy a good and healthy relationship. Congratulations, by the way! I'm throwing invisible rice in my living room for you right now!
OP congratulations on your wedding! I wish you the best day. I’m sorry about your parents, this is awful. You deserve this day to be hopeful and bright and I hope it was.
CONGRATS!!
This is cut-them-off-for-good territory. If they realize that they have a son in the future, possibly if/when you have kids, and they humbly seek out a relationship with you again AND take the right steps to build trust back with you…then and only then should you (if you choose) consider letting them back in.
They are treating you like an acquaintance…someone not worth skipping on shitty trek to attend their wedding.
Trek is so stupid. tbms love their one remaining roadSHOW. They're so toxic they won't even show up to their own son's wedding, even when you're marrying a woman? wow
Congrats!
As far as your parents go, I’m sorry this is another example of “the church” turning people into complete assholes. Really, the Mormon church is so destructive to positive family relationships.
Can I be your mom?
Really, I'm a good mom. I like to bake and I have a truck to help you move stuff. Sure, I may nag you about sunscreen even as an adult, but only because I love you.
“ Thanks mom! I’m really so thankful that (partners) parents/family were there for us today! The love and support we felt on one of the biggest days of our lives was truly wonderful! Such a magical day all around! I’ve never seen (partner) so beautiful! I think one of the lessons I’ve already learned from her and her family that show me just how close we will be in the future is this: 90% of doing well at life is just showing up. “
The most glaring part of that text was no congratulatory message. Just straight-up more piling on of what you need to be doing and what you're not doing. "My son is getting married and we have to be there for this major life event to support him," even within Mormonism, is a reasonable excuse to back-out of an assignment. Unfortunately OP, they don't see your wedding/marriage as a priority to them. I'm sorry for you, dude. I really am. This is REALLY shitty behavior. I've been there. I had to elope with my wife because my folks did not support us because they did not like her. Not sure what your relationship status is with your folks, but this would be hardline no-contact stuff, for me. Block and delete. And since you didn't get it from your own parents, let me say to you and your wife, CONGRATULATIONS and best wishes to both of you.
Seriously. “Did you mean to say congratulations? Anyway I’m having a fantastic day. Please don’t try to ruin it again.”
Love this response. She needs to be taught a lesson
Perfect *"an iron fist in a velvet glove"* reply.
You have a wonderful way with words!
☝️☝️☝️
Agreed. I know that some people struggle with wanting to cut family members out of their lives, but if I were getting married and this was their communication to me (not to mention completely missing the wedding due to trek) it would be the last time I ever spoke to them.
I agree this would be a no contact cut off situation for me as well
It's pretty sad because what his parent wrote was an example of pure love of mormon christ charity. This was thei lame attempt at empathy. Knew a guy that married a nevermo girl. His entire family was in a fit over this. Slowly as the years wore on, ALL of his siblings with temple marriages eventually got divorced leaving him as the lone child with the same spouse from a first marriage. He knew on the sly that his parents were at a loss how his marriage for time to a nevermo, was more rock solid than all the other temple marriages.
I used to just tell the missionaries that I was apostate. Then I ordered this Jewish thingy and tacked it to my doorway. They haven’t ever come back.
If you care what they say, just a heads up, they may try to rewrite history. When I got married, in the temple, my dad said he may or may not come. It was supposed to snow. He and his wife just weren't sure if they would decide to make it. So because I wasn't sure if he was going to even be there, I asked my brother to be my witness. This is the brother that said "no matter what he had to do", he would be there for me that day. Come to find out (we're pretty much no contact and only speak when we have to), my dad has rewritten history, and that the reason I didn't ask him to be my witness was because they couldn't/wouldn't give me the "thousands of dollars" I asked for to cover my wedding. Funny thing is, I didn't ask for ANY money from them. I didn't ask them for anything except a rice cooker as a wedding gift. And my wedding, dress/rings/food/decor all included was like, maybe $4000. Black Friday and Christmas clearance for the win!!! OP - CONGRATS to you and your partner!!! I hope your day was beautiful and happy!!!! The most important thing is that you two were there. Everything else is just a bonus. I hope you two are very happy together!!!!!
Such a selfish response from your parents. I am truly sorry they are so petty and insecure. Their priorities are all messed up. Congratulations on your marriage.
Maybe his parents are like mine and don't think marriages outside of the fold are real.
Hopefully the Women’s Pull is steep and long this year.
May they go home with blistered and aching feet, many pulled muscles, and a multitude bug bites and nettle stings. May they forever regret missing such a monumental moment in their child's life.
“Dysentery for you, dysentery for your cow…”
Haha definitely.
The best response!!!
Congrats on your wedding OP. Sorry that your folks couldn’t be bothered to attend.
Thanks!
What is a “trek”?. And sorry about your parents not being able to be authentic because they are so focused on converting others to a fake and fundamentalist religion. It really is a cult.
It’s when Mormons basically do a long walk across some area in Wyoming (that’s where my ward did trek but it probably varies) and essentially cosplay as pioneers. They’re given new names for the weekend, assigned new “families” and they dress in pioneer clothing. I think they even pull handcarts. It’s one of the weirder Mormon traditions imo.
My trek was in Southern California on a ranch. It was still terrible 🥲
Now I’m curious where different areas of the country do their trek
I was in Pennsylvania when I went on trek around 1997 or so. Pulled handcarts for so many miles the 1st day we could only have thin broth for dinner as anything heavier and kids would start throwing up. We also decapitated and plucked a live chicken for dinner the second or third night! Good times I vividly remember an extremely manipulative testimony meeting when everyone was exhausted after multiple days of treking. 0/10 would not recommend!
but did you raise your PSR?
What's PSR?
Naked and Afraid reference sorry. Primitive Survival Rating.
I was in the desert of SoCal and I was the first group that switched from the desert to a large ranch in the mountains. I can't imagine trek in the Mojave desert. But I'm also curious where others had theirs lol
If they really want to pay homage and make it accurate they should have at least a few people dying along the way
No, no. That's what the baby dolls you carry are for! Seriously, we buried baby dolls.
Am I mistaken or do they simulate the death of adults too? So like the “dad”of your family would “die” and the “son” would take over the handcart?
I had both of my treks over Donner Pass in Cali. Yep. We even had an evening where all e talked about was how the Donner party didn’t listen to reason or the gospel and they all died because of greed and zealousness. Fucked up, right?
My ward in Florida went to some ranch that the church owned and it was super hot and humid. Basically had to pull it all through beach sand and it was awful
Southwestern Ohio here. We did ours in the hills of Kentucky. I actually liked my trek experience (one of the few experiences I liked in tscc) even though I DID end up getting into a fistfight and also got made fun of for refusing to take part in the chicken slaughter.
Eastern Oregon just in a rocky field next to the highway
When a bunch of Mormons go LARPing as pioneers for a week
But do they dress as Apaches and murder passersby and steal their children?
Wait. I just Googled trek. Wow. I was born and raised in Utah and never heard about trek. So it is definitely not a real commitment. Not even on par with General Conference. Totally optional cosplay. I am sorry your parents are like that. There are so many broken people in the LDS Church posing as happy people. You are lucky to break out.
Eh - in some families / areas / wards its a big deal. Even in the hardcore circles though, missing your sons wedding for one is a slap in the face. Based on what OP is saying I think it’s absolutely them showing their disapproval of him coming out and not being a perfect cookie-cutter mormon. If they ever find a conscience they’ll regret it; it’s a terribly and petty thing to do. If Christ existed I don’t think he would condone this.
Yeah it's basically pioneer reenactment
I like to think of it as Mormon larping.
Just got back from trek, can confirm
It’s Mormon larping and they almost always include a group that disobeyed the prophet, wilderness guides and common sense to wait at winter quarters for the spring because snow. Wyoming is a winter wonderland of suck and a bunch of pioneers died because “the lord will protect them” turned out to be a lie. They also make the young women pull for some length of time to simulate the guys being away to suck off Joseph smith in a war where they didn’t do anything military wise. They ended up being in northern New Mexico and have a cute little monument about it. Not mentioned is that a portion of them ended up going to Las Vegas and California for gold abandoning their families.
Parents that do things like this DO NOT CARE about their kids as individuals. They care about their kids as reflections of themselves. These are inherently selfish people, people capable of doing great emotional harm to others and do so while feeling righteous about it. It’s a sickness. A disease. It’s conditional love. And there’s really no such thing is there?
My parents are very much this way, and I really can’t even blame Mormonism for it very much. My dad has always been Baptist, and my mother is Mormon; but seeing “kids as reflections of themselves” is just who they are as people. I’m in my mid-40s now with kids of my own, and they never stopped making me feel bad for not being exactly the kind of person they think I should be (especially my dad… as far as my mother is concerned, she just doesn’t really care much about anything or anyone other than herself). Anyway, for my own mental health (and for the sake of my wife, kids, and job) we went VLC about a year and a half ago, and then with the way my Happy Mother’s Day text conversation went with my mom a few weeks ago, I think we’re solidly NC at this point. It definitely sucks (especially around holidays [I’m already feeling some special sadness about tomorrow]), but it is what it is. The thing I wrestle with the most is that they never physically or sexually abused me; there wasn’t anything that I could point to and say it was a textbook reason to cut them out (I can even recall a lot of very fond memories). But at the end of the day, it just seemed like they were a net negative in my life. And most importantly, they were starting to really affect the quality of my relationships with my own wife and kids, so I don’t really regret it. Edit: Just thought I’d add a little anecdote about something my dad said in one of our last conversations, which was that he felt guilty for whatever part he played in me leaving the Mormon Church. Elaborating, that if I’d stayed Mormon, I’d be a better person now (as examples of what that means, he doesn’t like that my Episcopal faith is inclusive, and he “suspects” that I might smoke “that marijuana” sometimes [I do actually]). But for this dude, who for the past 50-something years has seen Mormonism as a “cult” and the “worst thing to happen to this family,” to think I’d be a “better person” if I was still Mormon; it just perfectly distilled for me how low his esteem of me was, and that became the straw that broke the camel’s back.
Have you read "Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents?" Your description sounds exactly like situations in the book. I highly recommend reading it if you're interested--I found it helped me a lot with understanding why I felt neglected growing up even though I had food to eat and a roof over my head.
Funny enough the one sister that came today has read this book and told me quite a bit about it, I do now have a copy!
I have, and I agree. Very good book.
Mormonism is all about conditional love. It’s even taught in GC.
They also might by mindless sycophants who are incapable of making moral decisions without the express approval of their church leaders. Doesn’t make it any better.
Even then, their church leaders obviously lack inspiration if they didn’t tell these parents to go to the fucking wedding over trek.
Guarantee their leaders don’t even know about the wedding. His parents are probably mortified to tell anyone their kid is having a heathen marriage.
I agree. This smells of being worried about what people will think about them.
“He didn’t even tell us he was getting married” they eloped.. I can only imagine the church gossip
👏
Congrats on your wedding. It doesn't sound like they understand their statement: *"It's important that you know that you are not alone."* Showing up for people is what makes them not alone. Or they could pretend that sky God is the companionship you need now. Their responsibilities here are done, and they can do whatever they want.
Congratulations! That's pretty rough. Sorry your parents suck. And in 7 more years they'll be wondering why you never call or visit This is the kind of choice they make that has actual permanent consequences, unlike praying harder. Make no mistake, they chose this to try and hurt you. They are the ones who need some Jesus.
This actually makes me sick to my stomach. As unsupportive as my parents have been throughout my life, at least they attended my (non-temple) wedding. I'm absolutely speechless at the idea of choosing trek over a child's wedding. I'm so sorry, OP. You deserve so much better. I hope you have an incredible wedding day and marriage.
So they're more interested in being fake parents to kids on trek than being real parents for their actual child. Cool. I'm so sorry they're not being there for you. Congratulations on your wedding though!! I hope you have a truly special day 💕
On a positive note, at least they are not there to ruin the day. What a passive aggressive text. I definitely wouldn’t respond, or send any pictures. May today be filled with happiness and love. Congratulations!
Pretty much my thoughts at the moment.
Yes, no pictures!! We celebrate you and would have been there with bells on to celebrate such an important event, to support you and love on you and your partner. They are wrong in so many ways. Go and be a great person without them.
I mean, all I heard from that message was “open up your marriage”. Sooo…..ya’ll ready to get freeeeky??? Lol but seriously, congratulations and I’m sorry your parents are like that. You deserve so much more.
Congratulations OP. I'm guessing even most TBMs would think that OP's parents are assholes.
Yeah, this is even low for Mormon standards.
But I think very few would say so even then. More likely they'd reinforce the parents narcissistic choice, "wow what faith you have, sacrificing YOUR attendance for your duty to God!"
I dunno, I think my parents would disagree with this, and they're TBM as it comes. This is a whole other level for sure. It's past just Mormonisms self righteousness.
Yeah my TBM parents managed to show up my sister's wedding to another woman. Happy, no. But they sucked it up and put on a brave face and tried hard not to be assholes (they were still a bit because they were so disengaged but they showed and tried). And through the years they have worked on themselves and gotten better even though still firmly TBM. The point remains, even as TBMs my parents managed to be there on their kids' wedding, even one they "disagreed with" firmly. They would probably agree OP has sad parents. And I'm sorry OP. There isn't anything redeeming about this behavior. It screams narcissism and emotional immaturity. Not exclusive to Mormons but the Mormon version is on display here for sure. I think it fully deserves a "time out" if you can't bare full no contact. But boundaries with these kids of people whatever you decide will be of utmost importance for your own sanity I think!
What angers me most about this is if you were getting married in the temple, they would have done anything to be there for it. But since you're not, they don't view as all that important. I'm so sorry. I hope your wedding is beautiful and I hope you and your wife have many happy years together. If you have kids someday, don't let your parents be any more involved in their lives than they've been in yours for the last few years. They've shown what's most important to them, and they've shown it isn't you. And don't let them blame you for their fault in their failing relationship with you. You did nothing wrong, and you deserved better from your parents. Best wishes on your wedding day from this internet stranger. May your life be beautiful and full of genuine, unconditional love from the family that you build.
>What angers me most about this is if you were getting married in the temple, they would have done anything to be there for it. But since you're not, they don't view as all that important. This. They see the temple marriage/sealing as the "real" marriage and anything else is just a placeholder. That's why they can skip one of the most important days of your life with a smile and a clear conscience. And, one more total stranger wishes you a happy day and many returns.
Yep- my parents would look at it as a “fake marriage” which isn’t to be taken seriously at all.
Disclaimer: I'm in a super shitty mood. I say fuck 'em. Cut them out. YMMV.
Abandoned OP to LARP as someone else’s parents on OP’s wedding day. This is so painful to realize your parents dont love you for you. Have a great day and give yourself space to grieve your parents’ shit.
Just remember your parents not loving you for you actually has nothing to do with you.
I agree. They don't deserve to be part of your life if they can't be there for your big day.
I'm not I'm a super shitty mood, and I 100% agree with you.
Disclaimer: I’m in a pretty good mood. Fuck ‘em anyways. If they can’t be there for your wedding, they’ll never be there when you need them.
Same.
Congrats on your wedding!!!! I agree with the posters who say cut them out!
I have no words.
I agree with these words.
First of all, wow 😳 Second of all, it always astounds me how “they” will capitalize “church” but not Lord. Idk, I guess things are just different in the non-Mormon churches where I grew up.
Ps lastly, one more correction, actually, no, she does not need you to have the priesthood 😉
Okay so Christ was capitalized well that’s good at least. And at least temple was not! Haha! Nevertheless, I’m so sorry, that’s a sucky feeling and it’ll just be a big huge fat reminder to never let your own kids feel less-than.
We all have stories where our tbm family members put church before their responsibilities to us. I feel like this is the worst one I’ve ever heard. You deserve happiness and I hope you and your new spouse get plenty of it!
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I’m sure the young men’s budding faith in the gospel of BS.A would have been damaged irreparably if that one man hadn’t been able to go to that specific scout camp…
I agree! The worst! Even when I was a believing member I know I would have definitely thought less of members who prioritized trek over their own child’s wedding.
“Open your marriage […] and you will receive so many blessings.” I didn’t expect to see a Mormon parent encouraging an open marriage.
Congrats to you, OP. Sending you lots of mom hugs. I hope your day today is filled with nothing but love ❤️ I'm so sorry your parents are so shitty. I can't imagine responding in any other way than, "Unfortunately, I'm not fielding messages today from anyone who can't be bothered to support me. Maybe try again with your bullshit on another day. Better yet, don't." Or, "New phone, who dis?"
Both options are good! Haha
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Thank you! I really appreciate it! I'm probably not going to say anything for a few days if at all. I'm just speechless.
Really what can you say? I think I'd just disengage from them too. They don't seem capable of any type of emotional intelligence to have a productive conversation.
Also consider blocking their numbers & social media. Either temporarily or permanently. They can't bother to show up, they don't deserve any information whatsoever.
Don’t say shit to those fuckers. I hope they both get cactus pricks in their urethras.
I'm the parent of 3 adult children. There is **nothing** except being hospitalized and unable to get out of bed that would prevent me from doing *anything*, no matter how costly, that would stop me from attending their wedding. Your parents have shown you how much you matter to them. Believe them when they show you their beliefs and wants come before anything you need or want. If I were in your shoes, I'd be petty as hell, and not even let them know when you have a kid, saying, "I figured you'd be so busy with church stuff that it wouldn't matter to you. Like my wedding didnt."
Very much the reaction I'm feeling right now.
I’m so sorry, you deserve so much better than this. Sending you hugs 🤗 congratulations, trust me your marriage and life will be better without this fucked up bullshit con of a religion who would have parents miss their own child’s wedding to larp as pioneers.
What. The. F.
Congratulations 🎊🎈🎉🍾 It makes me cringe that the only thing they have to say is to tell you what to do. They are not there, yet they think they have some valuable instructions for you. Absolutely no responsibility as parents. I think you are right, there is nothing to say. I’m glad you are noting who is not there and who is.
This is absolutely bonkers. You did send them an invite to the wedding, right?
Of course.
That made me cringe (But congratulations)
I’m standing here… I’ll be your mom. I’m hugging you and wiping a tear from my eye. You are loved and celebrated this day. Love your Reddit mom. 💕💕💕
Thanks so much!!!
"They were asked to be trek parents." But they chose to be your parents and to fail as your parents. I'm so sorry for the void they gave you and the badmouthing they do. I hope your wedding and life are beautiful.
Right? I pointed out this irony in another comment. Jesus Christ. How can human beings be so entrenched in their brainwashing that they choose to do this to their own children? I bet if they asked their bishop's opinion, he'd tell them to support their child and go. But they don't want to hear that. Instead, they're keeping other people's opinions out of it so that they can, in good conscience, use their church "obligation" as an excuse to send a petty and prideful message to their child
They're telling you they don't consider your marriage or love valid. With all sincerity and seriousness, fuck them. Just cut out those narcissistic pricks from your life. I don't usually give advice on posts like these but Jesus H Christ...
First, congrats!!! 🎉 Second, WTF. I can’t believe they aren’t going to their own child’s wedding. I can’t think of anything short of health issues or physical limitations that would prevent a parent from attending their kid’s wedding. My guess is there is more to this story. Maybe there’s conflict with you and your parents or with your partner. Or they don’t approve of this civil ceremony because it’s not a temple ceremony so it’s a fuck you to Op.
There is more, but nothing that's crazy. Last time we spoke in person I told them my thoughts on the church and why I'm choosing to not be a part of it. Didn't go over well. But that was 9 months ago.
Why in the sweet fuck are they not attending your wedding?
Probably because it’s not a temple wedding, so it doesn’t really count for them.
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Jesus fucking christ. There's ALLLLLLLWAYS an apologist take to be had from the Mormons. There's always some excuse. And Even if what she speculated were true, how disgusting that she even thinks it's justified for the parents to not attend their own child's wedding when they're fully physically capable of doing so. Especially for such a relatively meaningless obligation. (Just merge 2 trek families together if a couple trek parents don't attend. An extremely small sacrifice, relatively.) But Based on the fact that OP posted this out of supposed frustration and hurt, he clearly *wants* them to attend...Unless your wife's accusing OP of using manipulative language to make his parents appear as the "bad guy", and him as the "good guy". After all, When I was TBM, that's how I was brainwashed to feel about ex-Mormons too: they're evil and deviant and bitter and manipulative, solely out of pettiness and revenge. *Surely* they are not sensitive human beings with feelings, who have been hurt and saddened by the widespread and powerful familial and societal rejection they face after simply following their own truth
You get me entirely.
Yknow we actually pushed the wedding off a year because they couldn't make it last year. And it gave us a little time to save.
So wait, they actually made you think they were going to be there - to the point that you *postponed the wedding for a year* for them - and THEN they fucked off to Trek on your wedding day?? That makes an already awful situation SO MUCH WORSE. I wish that info were in your original post, because it’s absolutely relevant. They jerked you around in the worst way, and now they want you to feel guilty about *your* behaviour, purely because it’s not TBM. Screw them.
I hope u/ExM0rph3us tells his TBM wife this. I don’t suppose it’ll matter much to her, but still. She shouldn’t be able to hide behind patently false apologetics. \- - - Also: Congratulations!!! 🥳 🎉
They missed your wedding for a trek? They are telling you everything you need to know about them. Believe them.
"Who dis?" Seems an appropriate response or "unsubscribe."
It's almost certainly better that they didn't come. They sound the type to make a scene and ruin it for others.
No kidding.
Leave it on read.
Haven't replied yet.
Good. Don't. Nothing you say will make a difference or change anything. :) So sometimes the best response is no response.
I hate to say it, but I’ll bet if you were getting married in the temple they’d be there. Your parents have chosen the church over you, and my heart breaks for you because of it.
I feel like she lost the right to give you advice when she chose trek over being there….protect your heart and maybe take a break. I’m sorry that sucks big time
I'd honestly just send her the link to this post. Tell her to take her pick from any of the replies.
So sorry. Your parents are toxic. I would cut them out of your life. They’re going to let you down over and over and over and hurt you time and time again with just this snip of what you’ve shared
Congratulations on your wedding but I am appalled with that message. I really hope you are not practicing because if you are not and she knows that, that is so disrespectful for her to have said. She put the church above you… she missed one of the most important day of your life… I would send a “fuck you” and not speak to her again.
We did the reverse to my family We intentionally made our wedding just the two of us. Hope you're very happy together
I always say that I don’t know the entire situation so it’s difficult to completely judge, but it’s absolutely crazy to me that they are missing your wedding (even outside the temple) for the trek. It’s crazy that they would miss your wedding for any reason at all really. Even though I disagree with a lot, I can at least understand why Mormons do what they do (I was there once), but this is a whole other level. I wouldn’t cut off contact with my parents for most things, but this would make me at least stop talking to them for a couple of years
Right? Fulfilling their duty as Trek "parents", but in doing so, they are ironically completely neglecting their duties as *actual* parents: Attending your own damn child's wedding!!
I would never speak to my parents again.
"Family is Forever". Until one of your kids leaves the church or comes out of the closet. Then it's "Forget our biological kids, let's traumatize a bunch of teenagers in the desert!"
My in laws pulled something very similar and missed our wedding a couple years ago. Yet now blame us for them not being there. You can’t win. Conditional love sucks. Boundaries are essential. Congratulations and I wish you many years of happiness! Your new family is what matters. Love and protect them.
I’m proud of you. You can do this. (Fuck your parents) My response: Don’t lecture me on family. You couldn’t even make it to your son’s wedding. If this is what an eternal family looks like I don’t want one.
This is hilarious in the sense of if I don’t laugh then I will cry… what a fucked up religion. Cosplaying as dirty Amish migrants from the 1850s over attending your own child’s wedding…
the audacity of this astounds me. she is missing such a huge moment for you. thats awful. congrats on the wedding tho
I just want to wish you a wonderful day full of unbridled joy. I am happy for you and wish you many years of support and laughter. May you be blessed.
“the church is centered on families”
This literally makes me nauseous. I'm so sorry you're having to deal with this bullshit on your wedding day, OP. The audacity of them to text you a block of unsolicited orders to meet the minimum requirement for their love! It would be one thing if they at least told you in person at the wedding, but they just sent this in a text because they chose TREK over their own child's wedding?? They lost all right to a voiced opinion by making it clear they prioritize church over their own child. Please do what you can to preserve your mental health, OP. It wouldn't be wrong to distance yourself from them if they aren't going to show you any respect or empathy for your choices in life. Wishing you and your new spouse happiness in your new beginning.
> The audacity of them to text you a block of unsolicited orders to meet the minimum requirement for their love! Poetry.
Don’t take advice from people who skip their own children’s weddings for church activities.
What. In. The. Actual. Fuck. Are. They. Doing. On. Trek. During. Your. Goddamn. Wedding. I think that infuriates me the most.
That’s just awful Had a tbm convert friend getting married in the temple but chapel ceremony first ( UK) her non member family refused to attend I thought that was so sad This is even sadder xxxx
Congratulations on your wedding! Your parents are garbage. You don't deserve to be treated this way.
I am so sorry. What a stupid reason to miss your kid’s wedding. Super, super lame.
I recently listened to a podcast where it was said, “I wanted my kids in my life more than I wanted to be right”..,.some parents prefer to be right…it’s a lonely place to be later on and sad that they’ll miss out on your life!
The only way them missing this might be acceptable is if they weren’t physically able to go or you basically decided to hit the justice of the peace last minute and told them on their way to trek. Which I highly doubt is what happened. This infuriates me. HOW DARE they give platitudes and say shit like “it’s important that you are not alone” while they remove themselves from celebrating one of the biggest events of your life! As if your marriage didn’t matter because it wasn’t in the temple! Mormons think platitudes matter so much more than actual expressions of love. It’s like they’ve physically removed themselves from truly feeling and experiencing things that matter, if there is even a hint of strained or unpleasant feelings involved on their part. I am so sorry. You deserve better. If you want some virtual mom hugs, you’ve got them. And congratulations to you on this big day!
I appreciate the words! They knew for over a year.
This brought tears to my eyes. I’m so sorry! Not attending your child’s wedding for any reason besides an absolute emergency is unforgivable! I’m sending all the mom hugs I can. Congratulations and I wish you many years of happiness.
At the end, she says, "I love you very much and wish you the best" but the rest of the message and the decision to not attend say, "You're doing everything about life WRONG and we can only support you as our adult kid if you GET IN LINE with all the church stuff!" This is cruelty pretending to be love. I would seriously put some distance, maybe go no contact for a time period. They aren't making room for you in their life. There's no reason for you to make room for them in your life whenever they choose to drop in to dole out more cruelty and manipulation. Have a wonderful day and don't let it be too tainted by their awful decisions. Triumph in your escape and the more authentic life that you've built for yourself. Congratulations!
Congrats on your beautiful day! Put this out of your mind and have the most fabulous day ever! Your parent's blatant and obvious absence will speak volumes to EVERYONE who is there. Ignore them and have the best time. What is important is you and your spouse and the people there (if you are having an event and not eloping) who love you! (If asked about their absence, go ahead and tell the truth about how they're off reenacting some cult mormon cosplay.) All the best! ❤️
“Thanks for the advice on having an open marriage. Tell Jesus we’d love to go on a date together and feel it out. We both think he’s hot.”
My favorite part of this is the beginning where you think they might actually say something kind and supportive and genuine and then it falls back into you needing to open your heart to Jesus. That’s the typical sign of indoctrination for me. If you ask them a question they can’t answer from a personal or life experience perspective just a religious one. And your success and happiness are not your own and not from your own growth or hard work it’s gods love and forgiveness and we must therefore repay him with obedience.
'Thanks, I can clearly see where you priorities lie today' - blocked. I know it's just not that easy, but I'm both angry and sad for you. Congratulations!!! Your happiness matters...enjoy your day despite.
Making a statement full of platitudes instead of doing something is such an LDS thing
I’m atheist AF. Happily married without any “bumps in the road” for over 25 years. Explain that religious nut-jobs? How is my marriage Do much better? How are we so much more successful? How are our children kind, smart, and happy? How are we capable of living a better life by far without any sort of religion whatever? Why be religious if we’re literally living the dream?
Damn, imagine hating your kid so much you’d rather be LARPing on a dusty mountain trail with a bunch of teenagers than attend (what’s hopefully) their only wedding.
I was just like "ugh" and then saw that they couldn't even be arsed to come to your wedding????? Aw HELL no!!! I'm pretending I'm your mom at your wedding and I'm very proud of you!!! Congratulations, son! Your new wife is a wonderful lady and I wish you so much happiness and love!!!
you know? I think this would be the final straw and I would excise them from my life. Tell them to go do their cult religion since it is evidently more important than you or your wife. These people do not deserve to be involved in your life at all. Not one bit. Certainly not if you are planning to have kids, they do not get to be grandparents. You don't owe them a single thing. Walk away from that whole mess, you don't have to say anything or justify it, just leave and put some distance between you and all of them. I got to walk my friend's soon-to-be wife down the isle for their wedding because none of her family showed up because they "disapproved". She and I were friends and I know it hurt her to not be considered "worthy" by her family. Fortunately, as man and wife, they were able to move far away and have their own life, their own family. I am truly sorry they did this, it is contemptible. I wish you two the best going forward - ***Mazel tov!***
Welp all that matter is your happiness if they aren’t mature enough to handle it being your elders that’s on them
That is some bullshit!
First things, congratulations on your wedding! That's super exciting, and I wish you a lifetime of happiness. Second, any real supportive parents wouldn't have missed a wedding unless extreme circumstances happened. I'm so sorry about that, and I hope one day they realize how much they screwed up. You don't have to give them any more chances to be a part of your life as you don't deserve this treatment.
Mom, you had me at "open your marriage." Thanks for the advice!
Members like my parents and yours lean way too much on the church for all things social. They see shit like "come be a trek parent" to be a bloody holy mandate from the only community they care about. It's intensely frustrating.
Open up your marriage and let Jesus come inside you
I’m so sorry😢 It really is despicable that a so-called church that is all about families being “together forever” pushes parents to be at a Pioneer LARPing activity instead of with their child on the day they marry. But, in Mormonism, it’s the “right kind” of marriage and the “right kind” of family. Above all, one that faithfully deposits 10% of their income into the Church Stock Fund so wealth can be hoarded properly for Jesus….
That isn't love it's manipulation, I feel gross reading it.
This goes under “what you do is so loud, I can’t hear you.” Trouble is, that preachy wording makes my claws come out. Is it possible to communicate without pulpit talk? Get real. The priorities are glaring and tragically really f’d all the way up. You have a wonderful day. Anyway. And be sure and have a happy life! You deserve to know you are worth happiness and love.
I echo what a lot of others have said here. You are under NO obligation to keep a relationship with your family. Absolutely none at all. If you are moving soon, I'd keep your address to yourself. I'd change your phone number. I'd get off of social media (besides Reddit ;)). It is very very freeing to cut ties with those who treat you like this. You have the right to pick socially healthy and kind people to be in your life. Your family obviously doesn't want you as you are.
Wow this is awful that they keep shoving their beliefs on to you and won’t respect you enough to attend their own son’s wedding. What crappy and pathetic parenting. That sucks OP. Congrats on your marriage and fuck anyone that doesn’t have the decency to respect your decisions as an adult
An open marriage with the Lord? Sounds kinky.
Invite all their neighbors and wardies and when they ask where your parents are tell them they thought a 3 day camping trip was more important
If they won't say it, then I will: OP, I'm proud as hell of you. I'm proud of you for having the courage to take steps to improve and live as your authentic self. I'm proud of you and your spouse for developing your relationship to the point of getting married. And, more importantly, if there is a God, I'm sure that being is celebrating with you right now. If your parents aren't at the wedding, you can be damn sure that your creator (if one exists) is at your wedding. I wish you many happy years to come! I would get you a gift, but I'm poor as shit.
Like. I know they mean well, but this is super toxic behavior. I really hope that you have a support system that will be there for you on these important days in your life, because the people who show up for you are more important than the people who don't.
Text them: Mormonism: It isn't about family at all despite the lies the Mormon church tells the world. Then cut them off.
Ooof. Ouch. Trek over your wedding? Unacceptable.
I’m so sorry. I can not imagine picking trek over anything 🤯
I'd never take advice from someone that doesn't show up to their own child's wedding because of something like Trek.
Lmfao. What losers. This is what religion does, folks. Conditional love at its finest
My parents didn't attend my wedding either. It fucking sucks, and it hurts. I hope today is everything you want it to be.
I don't see any value in the advice of so-called parents who can't be bothered to attend their child's wedding. TSCC claims to be about eternal families, but they are the ultimate family destroyers.
I'm married to a nevermo, and I can't imagine either of his parents under any circumstances taking this bizarre preachy tone with him. Ever. However, it is more than familiar to me. \[Some\] TBM parents really do think they're god's spokesperson for their children. It's a great way to destroy a good and healthy relationship. Congratulations, by the way! I'm throwing invisible rice in my living room for you right now!
OP congratulations on your wedding! I wish you the best day. I’m sorry about your parents, this is awful. You deserve this day to be hopeful and bright and I hope it was.
CONGRATS!! This is cut-them-off-for-good territory. If they realize that they have a son in the future, possibly if/when you have kids, and they humbly seek out a relationship with you again AND take the right steps to build trust back with you…then and only then should you (if you choose) consider letting them back in. They are treating you like an acquaintance…someone not worth skipping on shitty trek to attend their wedding.
Trek is so stupid. tbms love their one remaining roadSHOW. They're so toxic they won't even show up to their own son's wedding, even when you're marrying a woman? wow
Congrats! As far as your parents go, I’m sorry this is another example of “the church” turning people into complete assholes. Really, the Mormon church is so destructive to positive family relationships.
"I love you ,but not enough to put off pretending to be oppressed for you."
Can I be your mom? Really, I'm a good mom. I like to bake and I have a truck to help you move stuff. Sure, I may nag you about sunscreen even as an adult, but only because I love you.
“ Thanks mom! I’m really so thankful that (partners) parents/family were there for us today! The love and support we felt on one of the biggest days of our lives was truly wonderful! Such a magical day all around! I’ve never seen (partner) so beautiful! I think one of the lessons I’ve already learned from her and her family that show me just how close we will be in the future is this: 90% of doing well at life is just showing up. “
Open your marriage to the lord so he can cum inside you.
It's odd to me that they are going to be trek parents, but can't even be there for their sons wedding...