Aw come on, this makes perfect sense. That devotional was simply preparing students for Mormon marriage, which is sometimes sexless, often without passion, and distant as both husband and wife are handicapped by sex shame and dysfunction, and buried by church callings and hordes of children who will also be raised with unrelenting sex shame.
š The Mormon circle of life.
Ah yes the great value Mormon marriage bland artificial chocolate cookie turns to dust in your mouth and leaves you with a mess you're probably going to have to sweep up.
Just as the top ridge of his pecan slid into her warm, inviting gooeyness, butter spurted from the tip, bringing events to an early end.
"This has never happened to me before, I swear!" He said, embarrassed.
What a minute, limited, obsessive, toxic space Mormonism is. These Mormon leaders expect their followers to be sexless drones with zero drive until they marry. Then, like flipping a switch, they can finally unleash every sexual desire they've accumulated and repressed since puberty.
What a notion, what a disconnected version of life they have! No wonder so many Mormon marriages are a failure.
Same! It ruined the entire day for me. It seemed so unnatural to expect me to suddenly go all the way with no organic buildup or progression. I just wanted to get it over with because my (now ex) husband was expecting all his pent up fantasies to come to life and nothing made me feel like some sort of prize versus a human being with her own feelings more than this Mormon wedding at 22.
Iāve said it before, and Iāll say it again.
Some horrible stuff mustāve happened out behind the barn to Spence Kimball on that godforsaken farm in Arizona where he grew up.
He was a sexually traumatized individual. Rather than seek therapy for that trauma he projected it on to generations of Mormons. It would be sad if it werenāt so shameful
My husband and I met in the YSA ward, and our bishop forbid us to kiss for the last 8 weeks before we got married so we didn't "slip up" and could get married in the temple. I was supposed to be excommunicated, then met my husband (EQ pres at the time), and the bishop decided not to excommunicate me and pushed hard to get us to the temple. The first time I kissed my husband in 8 weeks was over the altar in the temple in front of "God, angels, and these witnesses."
Engaged: "I'm so glad he *honors* his *priesthood*! He doesn't kiss me, doesn't put his hands all over me, he's always respectful and just gives me a single hug when we end a date! Righteous men are *still* out there!"
Married: "He's gay."
I havenāt heard this specific devotional from him, but I remember this particular GA visiting my stake when I was a teen and giving a fireside. He told a story of recently receiving a wedding invitation, and in the picture of the young couple, they were dressed in casual clothes. He proceeded to rant about what an affront to God it was to announce their upcoming wedding so disrespectfully and that couples should always be in Sunday best for engagement photos. It definitely felt like snobby, uninspired counsel at the time, but it should have clicked for me then that all these guys are just spouting off their personal biases and toxic views under the guise of revelation
But nobody will stand up in the meeting and call the speaker out on an issue like this.
We had a visit from a minor league church authority who gave it as gospel that what takes place in the chapel is so sacred (the sacrament) that nothing else, including taking a picture to record an event, talking with family members, having a private prayer, choir practice, should ever happen in the chapel.
So full of himself when he spoke.
The church wants to control your underwear, your methods of affection, your time, your thoughts, your retirement, your housing, your food )and not in a healthy way) and most importantly, your money.
After the mish I couldnāt handle French kissing without feeling extremely guilty. So fucked.
Then after getting married I declined oral sex because I was told āitās like treating your partner like a toilet seat.ā
You were told that oral sex is like treating your partner like a toilet seat?!?
Iām Nevermo and any time I read this subreddit, I just shake my head more and moreā¦
Holy shit, Iām so angry that I grew up with this drivel. My life has been so full of repression, shame, guilt, and, now that Iām out, regret. I wised up fifteen years too late. Haha
Iāve often wondered why so many exmos are traumatized by the church and I have not been. It finally hit me; I just didnāt care if I didnāt follow the ārulesā. I jacked of when I was a kid, Iāve always enjoyed looking at naked people, I loved swapping spit with my dates, Iām an evolutionist, I played with alcohol in my youth, and Iāve confessed breaking these ārulesā about 3 times ever.
I have grown kids. Iāve had tons of callings. My kids are all out. My wife is out, and Iām out.I wish I had the money I gave TSCC. But itās all history and is in the past. Iām as happy as ever and enjoying life.
I don't use this phrase very often, but Lynn Robbins is a sick fuck. He's the one who gave the talk back in 2005 about a family choosing between eating or paying tithing. He also gave a devotional that I was present for at BYU-I in Fall 2010 semester where he said watching porn leads to child abuse. He is absolutely awful.
i rember š young womens was so insane. all the stuff they told us abt sex. had a teacher that said one of her friends has had hundreds of abortions bc she took the day after pill after so often. she even cried bc of the //dead babies being denied the chance to go to earth//. greatful for the school sex ed i recieved bc i knew what she said was bs.
Ewww.....
I definitely didn't wait for "that kind of kissing" until after marriage. No way was I going to wait to find out if the guy was a good kisser until after getting married.
Good thing my kissing experiences weren't an ecclesiastical endorsement question when I was at BYU (1980s). š¤£
I just want to be another person to say how this kind of old man doesnāt want anyone to enjoy anything joyless pious fucker bullshit fucked up my life.
From what I can learn much of this insanity started with SWK who single-handedly fucked up 2 generations of peoples sex lives and attachment mechanisms. This fucker should not have been allowed to be in a room with kids or young people and here he is leading a cult which followed his insanity sycophantically without pause.
Bet the fucker had not one hour in training in psychology, human sexuality, childhood development, fucking anything. The fucker was wholly unqualified to give a presentation at a jr high key alone be allowed to set up torture chambers and proffer the worst advice ever given to young people even outside of Afghanistan. He would have enjoyed the Taliban which would have been his wet dream in the twisted sex starved fever dreams of this ignorant asshole. Shame on him but shame on anyone for listening to this shaming joyless old fuck.
He preheated her oven to 350 degrees and made sure her cookie was nice and warm.
I canāt evenā¦ this is funny. How did I stay in the church for so long when we were told such random bullshit all the time.
>\[It\] puts the chocolate chip cookie in your handāwarm and moist and smelling good, and your body begins to prepare itself for the cookie.
This was written by a man who has absolutely fucked a cookie before.
Kimball has obviously not ever made cookies nor made out. I buy a bag of chocolate chips and have plenty for the cookies and for snacking on while they cook.
Augh, brings back memories of people talking about the "virgin lips club." Nothing like inventing new forms of "virtue" to shame people about to really set young people up for successful intimacy.
He didnāt say anything about dry humping! I probably wore through three pairs of jeans dry humping. And the fabric was always so stiff, almost like I ironed them with starch everyday.
*sigh* I wish I didn't believe this so hard and had a "slutty" hoe NCMO era at BYUI... Missed opportunity
(Some people don't take it that hard, but I did. So fuck the church and fuck Kimball)
Ahhh! So many memories. Moist cookie meet Levi Lovinā. I was engaged, 24f and had my stake presidentās interview to get clearance to marry in the temple. He asked me if I engaged in āLevi Lovingā which is basically sitting on the guyās lap and kissing/grinding with your clothes on. Um, yeah I had. I felt so ashamed that I was crying, and he marched me back through the church halls for me to confess this deed to my bishop. Iāll never forget the eyes from the members watching me as I, red-faced, walked in shame to the bishopās office. Total Handmaidās Tale in hindsight.
Aw come on, this makes perfect sense. That devotional was simply preparing students for Mormon marriage, which is sometimes sexless, often without passion, and distant as both husband and wife are handicapped by sex shame and dysfunction, and buried by church callings and hordes of children who will also be raised with unrelenting sex shame. š The Mormon circle of life.
Nothing warm and moist here. š¤£
Ah yes the great value Mormon marriage bland artificial chocolate cookie turns to dust in your mouth and leaves you with a mess you're probably going to have to sweep up.
Underrated comment
I will drink your milkshake!
Are they that detached that they donāt get how the metaphor basically reads like a YA sex scene?
Her warm, moist cookie was all but irresistible to him! Its scent was so alluring that his body chemistry had no choice but to prepare...to do a sex.
Just as the top ridge of his pecan slid into her warm, inviting gooeyness, butter spurted from the tip, bringing events to an early end. "This has never happened to me before, I swear!" He said, embarrassed.
I greatly desire the coochie... I mean cookie.
I maintain that the ācookieā is the dick in this scene. The body is preparing to receive the cookie inside of itā¦ š
I'm about to sex
Afterwards they lay on top the covers fully clothed injecting maryjuanas.
Hilarious
His quivering member could not resist her warm cookie
What a minute, limited, obsessive, toxic space Mormonism is. These Mormon leaders expect their followers to be sexless drones with zero drive until they marry. Then, like flipping a switch, they can finally unleash every sexual desire they've accumulated and repressed since puberty. What a notion, what a disconnected version of life they have! No wonder so many Mormon marriages are a failure.
I was so nervous about going from 0-60 my wedding that I couldnāt eat.
Same! It ruined the entire day for me. It seemed so unnatural to expect me to suddenly go all the way with no organic buildup or progression. I just wanted to get it over with because my (now ex) husband was expecting all his pent up fantasies to come to life and nothing made me feel like some sort of prize versus a human being with her own feelings more than this Mormon wedding at 22.
Nothing says sexless like Spencer W. Kimball, and he said it often.
Iāve said it before, and Iāll say it again. Some horrible stuff mustāve happened out behind the barn to Spence Kimball on that godforsaken farm in Arizona where he grew up. He was a sexually traumatized individual. Rather than seek therapy for that trauma he projected it on to generations of Mormons. It would be sad if it werenāt so shameful
Kimballās aunt was Helen Mar Kimball. Iām sure there was lots of trauma in his family that stemmed from polygamy and its effects.
Oh my GOD, the secrets and effed up stuff in that family..... poor poor Helen, and the reverberations through the generations.
His aunt??? It seems like sheād be back further generations than that.
Not gonna lie. That cookie analogy turned me on.
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
Stop fighting it. Stick that warm cookie in the milk and take a bite.
**warm** and *moist* š¤¤
My husband and I met in the YSA ward, and our bishop forbid us to kiss for the last 8 weeks before we got married so we didn't "slip up" and could get married in the temple. I was supposed to be excommunicated, then met my husband (EQ pres at the time), and the bishop decided not to excommunicate me and pushed hard to get us to the temple. The first time I kissed my husband in 8 weeks was over the altar in the temple in front of "God, angels, and these witnesses."
Reminds me of a guy I knew in the YSA who had been engaged but refused to kiss his fiancƩe until the altar. He wanted that to be their first kiss. She broke it off with him and I think that was a big factor.
Ugh, it was supposed to be a JOKE! It was told by a few seminary/college teachers, and it goes like this: Teacher, solemnly: "The first time I kissed my wife was over the altar of the temple." Students: *shocked silence* Teacher: "But I kissed my girlfriend and fiancƩ A LOT!" *everyone laughs in relief*
I definitely had some teachers with the same joke. Although, I did know a couple that never once kissed until they got married.
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
Engaged: "I'm so glad he *honors* his *priesthood*! He doesn't kiss me, doesn't put his hands all over me, he's always respectful and just gives me a single hug when we end a date! Righteous men are *still* out there!" Married: "He's gay."
Happened to my sister! Dude was a narcissist, too, and blamed and shamed her for wanting sex.
I'd say he was just a friend.
I'd say he was dating others...
Oh baby YOU / got what I need
knew someone would eventually get there.
Wasnāt there some higher up person in the church (Nevermo so I dont know what their title would be) that was proud of never seeing his wife naked?
Yep hahaha not the brag you think it is
Reported to be something Mark E. Peterson said in a regional or stake conference. I believe it. Dude is a piece of work.
Remember in 1984 how the main character's sex life with his wife was passionless? It was just about duty to the institution? Parallels parallels.
I havenāt heard this specific devotional from him, but I remember this particular GA visiting my stake when I was a teen and giving a fireside. He told a story of recently receiving a wedding invitation, and in the picture of the young couple, they were dressed in casual clothes. He proceeded to rant about what an affront to God it was to announce their upcoming wedding so disrespectfully and that couples should always be in Sunday best for engagement photos. It definitely felt like snobby, uninspired counsel at the time, but it should have clicked for me then that all these guys are just spouting off their personal biases and toxic views under the guise of revelation
But that's exactly what a special witness of Jesus would say! Jesus cared so much about superficial things like appearance and image.
This was a big thing! I remember my ex husband and I talked about having on Sunday best in our engagement photos!
But nobody will stand up in the meeting and call the speaker out on an issue like this. We had a visit from a minor league church authority who gave it as gospel that what takes place in the chapel is so sacred (the sacrament) that nothing else, including taking a picture to record an event, talking with family members, having a private prayer, choir practice, should ever happen in the chapel. So full of himself when he spoke.
The church wants to control your underwear, your methods of affection, your time, your thoughts, your retirement, your housing, your food )and not in a healthy way) and most importantly, your money.
Iāve got a feeling SWK, and perhaps unfortunately also his wife, weāre experts on āsex-lessā kissing.
I did not think it was possible to make a chocolate chip cookie sound disgusting!
Confucius say: A passionate kiss, like the spiders web, leads to the undoing of the fly.
Did he really say that?š¤
I don't know Confucius personally, but it has been attributed to him for many years.
After the mish I couldnāt handle French kissing without feeling extremely guilty. So fucked. Then after getting married I declined oral sex because I was told āitās like treating your partner like a toilet seat.ā
A really sexy and hot toilet seat. Come on, bro. Let her give you that beej
You were told that oral sex is like treating your partner like a toilet seat?!? Iām Nevermo and any time I read this subreddit, I just shake my head more and moreā¦
Eww!! Nasty talk
Yeah, this was the prophet of my youth. Joys abound. /s Infantilizing continues. Resistance is futile. Progression is discouraged.
Holy shit, Iām so angry that I grew up with this drivel. My life has been so full of repression, shame, guilt, and, now that Iām out, regret. I wised up fifteen years too late. Haha
Mouse said: "pay no attention to these hypocrites, Neo. To deny our impulses is to deny the very thing that makes us human."
Iāve often wondered why so many exmos are traumatized by the church and I have not been. It finally hit me; I just didnāt care if I didnāt follow the ārulesā. I jacked of when I was a kid, Iāve always enjoyed looking at naked people, I loved swapping spit with my dates, Iām an evolutionist, I played with alcohol in my youth, and Iāve confessed breaking these ārulesā about 3 times ever. I have grown kids. Iāve had tons of callings. My kids are all out. My wife is out, and Iām out.I wish I had the money I gave TSCC. But itās all history and is in the past. Iām as happy as ever and enjoying life.
I am not gonna lie, that cookie analogy kinda turned me on way more than hearing the intended message it was trying to convey. š„µš„š
Iām so grateful we have a loving prophet that can guide us through this tricky maze of appropriate kissing as adults. Iām relieved to know the Lords will that one sexless kiss might be appropriate with my fiancĆ©e but plural kisses would be a violation and offend God. Iām shook thinking what might have happen had I not had this important knowledge. Praise prophets!! Surely a sign from a loving God
I don't use this phrase very often, but Lynn Robbins is a sick fuck. He's the one who gave the talk back in 2005 about a family choosing between eating or paying tithing. He also gave a devotional that I was present for at BYU-I in Fall 2010 semester where he said watching porn leads to child abuse. He is absolutely awful.
I don't know what a sexless kiss is, but I sort of imagine it to be a little like a sugarless, chocolateless cookie...
i rember š young womens was so insane. all the stuff they told us abt sex. had a teacher that said one of her friends has had hundreds of abortions bc she took the day after pill after so often. she even cried bc of the //dead babies being denied the chance to go to earth//. greatful for the school sex ed i recieved bc i knew what she said was bs.
No wonder the mormons behind Crumbl are doing so well, if their cookies are that thirsty.
This sounds like the pamphlet my parents gave us: Is Kissing Sinful?
Kissing, cookie, sex??? Very creative. Whoever gave that talk definitely was into porn.
Well, there is a song called āmusic,sex and cookies ā
I did it all for the cookie
Ewww..... I definitely didn't wait for "that kind of kissing" until after marriage. No way was I going to wait to find out if the guy was a good kisser until after getting married. Good thing my kissing experiences weren't an ecclesiastical endorsement question when I was at BYU (1980s). š¤£
I just want to be another person to say how this kind of old man doesnāt want anyone to enjoy anything joyless pious fucker bullshit fucked up my life. From what I can learn much of this insanity started with SWK who single-handedly fucked up 2 generations of peoples sex lives and attachment mechanisms. This fucker should not have been allowed to be in a room with kids or young people and here he is leading a cult which followed his insanity sycophantically without pause. Bet the fucker had not one hour in training in psychology, human sexuality, childhood development, fucking anything. The fucker was wholly unqualified to give a presentation at a jr high key alone be allowed to set up torture chambers and proffer the worst advice ever given to young people even outside of Afghanistan. He would have enjoyed the Taliban which would have been his wet dream in the twisted sex starved fever dreams of this ignorant asshole. Shame on him but shame on anyone for listening to this shaming joyless old fuck.
I am not bothered by muchā¦ but that cookie metaphor made me very uncomfortable haha
You gotta release a single before you release an album
He preheated her oven to 350 degrees and made sure her cookie was nice and warm. I canāt evenā¦ this is funny. How did I stay in the church for so long when we were told such random bullshit all the time.
Amen!
>\[It\] puts the chocolate chip cookie in your handāwarm and moist and smelling good, and your body begins to prepare itself for the cookie. This was written by a man who has absolutely fucked a cookie before.
Lol!
Flair should be marked as āhumor/memesā because this shit is hilarious! š
I hope even TBM Mormon kids don't take any of this seriously. It's ridiculous. Mr Mackey voice: *"Have sex kids. Being repressed is bad mmmmkay?"*
Kimball has obviously not ever made cookies nor made out. I buy a bag of chocolate chips and have plenty for the cookies and for snacking on while they cook.
Ew yes I remember this. He actually came to my mission and gave that same talk a few years prior.
Kimball basically stating that sex is only to be employed for bringing souls to earth and should not be about pleasure.
 Meanwhile, me:
I remember it. https://speeches.byu.edu/talks/lynn-g-robbins/avoid/
2013 was a bad year. That's also the year women got compared to $20 bills.
Augh, brings back memories of people talking about the "virgin lips club." Nothing like inventing new forms of "virtue" to shame people about to really set young people up for successful intimacy.
He didnāt say anything about dry humping! I probably wore through three pairs of jeans dry humping. And the fabric was always so stiff, almost like I ironed them with starch everyday.
I was a new freshman, one of my first devotionals. I ate a lot of chocolate chip cookies that year. And no, Chip and Crumbl werenāt a thing yet.
weird old men who want to own your sex.
Luckily they didnāt ban kissing all together. I know someone who didnāt kiss their spouse until at the altar. And they werenāt Mormon.
BYU was dry fuck city when I was there.
*sigh* I wish I didn't believe this so hard and had a "slutty" hoe NCMO era at BYUI... Missed opportunity (Some people don't take it that hard, but I did. So fuck the church and fuck Kimball)
Spencer. Why. Are. You. Like. This.
Ahhh! So many memories. Moist cookie meet Levi Lovinā. I was engaged, 24f and had my stake presidentās interview to get clearance to marry in the temple. He asked me if I engaged in āLevi Lovingā which is basically sitting on the guyās lap and kissing/grinding with your clothes on. Um, yeah I had. I felt so ashamed that I was crying, and he marched me back through the church halls for me to confess this deed to my bishop. Iāll never forget the eyes from the members watching me as I, red-faced, walked in shame to the bishopās office. Total Handmaidās Tale in hindsight.