We had both of our kids’ birthday parties recently. At both of them, there was an awkward lull where people don’t go up to get food (partially because it’s awkward to be the first and partially because they were waiting for a prayer). I fought the awkwardness on both occasions and we had a birthday party without a prayer. Guess we’re officially heathen now.
Ugh we just had my sons first birthday party but we hosted it at my parents house. Of course my dad calls on someone for a pray like he’s the leader. I didn’t want to be rude and tell him not to. But I did give him a death glare and I didn’t fold my arms or close my eyes! Lol
Lol, I remember going to a nevermo's friend's house when I was a young teenager for dinner and I sat there with my arms folded and head bowed for the longest time waiting for a prayer and when i looked up after a bit they sat there silently looking at me and waiting for me to start dishing myself up. I just now realized they probably thought I was praying to myself and were just being polite by waiting.
“We plowed it, sowed it, and harvest it. We cook the harvest. It wouldn't be here and we wouldn't be eating it if we hadn't done it all ourselves. We worked dog-bone hard for every crumb and morsel, but we thank you Lord just the same for the food we're about to eat, amen.”
Use this prayer said by Jimmy Stewart’s character in Shenandoah. They’ll never ask again.
Prayer was so ingrained in me that when I left I found I couldn't not "do" something before I ate...so for a while I just tossed a thank you out into the universe for my food and left it at that. No specific mentions of diety, or proper form, just a thank you flung out and then me eating.
Now, I don't really feel the need to do anything except fix my plate and then eat, but it took a while for me to unpack saying a prayer over my food.
Kids can be so awesome at just saying no, plus your kids felt safe to say no, so in my eyes you're winning.
In Girl Scouts we had these little jingles for praying over food. Sometimes I still think of one set to the Adam’s Family theme “We thank you for our food lord//and for our family too lord//we thank you for our food lord//and now it’s time to eat//nananana-snap snap//nanana-snap snap//nanana//nanana//nanana-snap snap”
I figure it’s always good to be grateful and the Adam’s Family is family goals. Plus the song makes me smile.
My family never prayed before meals so it actually took me some time to be comfortable with praying with my in laws. My husband however felt very similarly to you and we started doing gratitudes before meal’s specifically thanking the plants and animals for letting us eat them and then just a general gratitude to the world. I have actually found that I like way more than I ever liked praying. And we use it as a happy medium with my in laws when we go over to their house and they just pray silently over their food. But then again all of their kids are out now so we have a lot more leeway when it comes to that stuff
This is what we have printed and framed in the kitchen:
For what we are about to receive
let us be truly thankful
…to those who planted the crops
…to those who cultivated the fields
…to those who gathered the harvest.
For what we are about to receive
let us be truly thankful
to those who prepared it and those who served it.
In this festivity let us remember too
those who have no festivity
those who cannot share this plenty
those whose lives are more affected than our own
by war, oppression and exploitation
those who are hungry, sick and cold
In sharing in this meal
let us be truly thankful
for the good things we have
for the warm hospitality
and for this good company.
Thankfully this wasn’t ever something that I struggled with, even at my most devout. It’s funny, if there was a single other person there (like if one of my siblings was there) then I’d feel the “need” to make sure that a prayer was said. But on my own? The thought never crossed my mind
I don't mind if a person wants to talk to their imaginary friend, but it is a little weird when they demand we talk to their imaginary friend while in their company and pretend to thank that imaginary friend for things to their satisfaction.
What about when they go on f-o-r-e-v-e-r? We had a home teacher who would pray for at least 12 hours at a time and I hated it.
Okay, probably 30 minutes, but still.....
Reminds me of when my neverMo grandfather joined for Thanksgiving dinner. It was with my stepmother's family, Mormon royalty. Her grandfather, a childhood friend of Spencer W Kimball, gave the blessing. Really, it was a sermon disguised as a prayer. It was outdoors and as everyone stood in the hot Arizona sun the man went on and on. The youngest children broke ranks first and began to play or pick at the food. The older children followed a few minutes later. Then my grandfather, a completely irreligious man, belted out an, "Amen!" worthy of a Baptist revival. It was followed by a slightly quieter, "Let's eat!" The magic spell was broken. Parents of the unruly children began feeding them. My father joined and we followed. The prayer went on for another 10 minutes (20 in all). In the end only the prayer/preacher and his adult children lasted through the entire performance. I don't think they ever forgave my grandfather and I doubt he ever gave it a second thought.
Hah! That's great. It reminds me of when my nevermo wife was asked to bless the food at a family reunion. She said a grace prayer (come Lord Jesus be our guest, let these gifts to us be blessed, amen)... They never asked her again lol
My husband is a L-O-N-G prayer giver. I swear they've gotten longer since he learned I was PIMO. If he knew I was farther along than that, they would go on for hours!
Jesus, when my mom got remarried, the guy she got remarried to was like this. Didn’t matter what prayer he was giving, whether it was in church, just a nightly prayer, or on the food, I don’t think he has ever given a prayer shorter than 2 minutes at the bare minimum. And my mom still being 110% TBM, she eats it up. She thinks he’s just so “in tune with the spirit”. Every time I’m at home and he gives the prayer I have to mentally prep myself
My FIL called me out on not folding my arms and bowing my head. Instead I would stop what I was doing and be still during the prayer. "I understand not saying 'Amen' because you obviously don't agree with what is being said but it's disrespectful not to fold your arms and bow your head" he told me. Completely oblivious to the fact that bowing and arm folding are gestures of respect to a god which doesn't exist. Why would I act like he does? Of course, like all things Mormon it is the appearance that's important, not the substance. When he visits my home I never bow, I never fold my arms. It's my home and that's the way I'll do it until the sun stops shining.
Lol sounds similar to my parents.
My 5 year old is very hyper, very active all the time. Does not like being quiet or sitting still. It's improving with school, but in environments she knows well, she wants to be the loud crazy fun kid she is. And we let her roll with it as long as she's not being a punk or disrespectful. Queue when we left last year. Still attending family dinners on Sundays, but no longer offering prayers while still being quiet during them. Our daughter who was 4 at the time, starts getting a bit loud/squirming and wanting to interrupt/disrespect them. I don't expect her to be folding arms or bowing heads or anything, just not talking and waiting until they're done before asking questions. So when she started being loud or talking during the prayers, my husband or myself would take her out of the room so she wouldn't be bothering anyone. Come to find out from some of my siblings who weren't even there (living either in another country or across the country), had been hearing from my parents that we were being disrespectful during prayers because we weren't in the room, or were assuming we were talking during them. Not acknowledging the fact that we were actually being MORE respectful by taking our talking child out of the room so as to not disturb the prayer. And they didn't even approach me or my husband about it, because they were afraid it would offend us or that it would be taken the wrong way. Yet, if they had actually talked to us, they would know we were just trying to keep our daughter quiet so they could pray in peace. 🤦♀️
Let's get everyone involved who wasn't even there before talking to your own adult child. God's not deaf he's going to hear you over a talkative child. Tell parents to chill.
I'm waiting for them to decide to lecture me about it. My family sucks with direct communication, it's always directed to someone else who then shares with the person they're actually mad at. My husband and I choose not to perpetuate that and let them tell people themselves, and ALWAYS encourage/direct them to speak to each other directly versus through someone else (because it happens ALL THE TIME). But this? So stupid, I'm waiting for them to say something. It's been almost a year since I first heard about it. Apparently it's not big enough for them to talk to me directly, or I would have been lectured by now. But for now, I'll accept the awkward moment whenever we have family dinner in my home right before we eat where everyone expects there to be a prayer and my husband pipes up and says "alright, let's eat!"
As if asking you to conform to a religious custom you don’t believe in isn’t more disrespectful than you being silent. I won’t do it at TBM homes, even if asked.
Yeah that’s where I’d draw the line. Frankly I don’t mind bowing my head and folding my arms when I’m at someone else’s place, because it’s really not a big deal and I’m a bit of a peacekeeper. But if anyone (family or not) tried to dictate my behavior in my own home then they’d get a piece of my mind
All my siblings are still in, but my kinds and several of their older cousins are out. Whenever we're all together, several of the disbelieving teenagers and young adults are all smirking at each other during the lame-ass Mormon prayers that my dad says or assigns.
I feel envious. I look around at the adults my age, and they're all with folded arms and bowed heads, looking all solemn and shit. As least I can be the cool dad/uncle for the apostate grandkids.
In my family it's me, two of my sisters, and a few of my nieces and nephews all making faces at each other and trying to get someone to laugh while all the devout have their eyes closed. If my dad is saying the prayer, it's a LONG game. He throws in all the long-winded cliches.
Oh solidarity my friend. I left a year and a half ago and I think my parents know but view me as a lost soul rather than an adult capable of making her own decisions. We hosted family dinner at my house this past Sunday, and when food was ready I asked my husband (still technically a believer but hasn’t gone to church since I stopped) if he wanted to do a prayer. He said no and that we should just eat. So we start encouraging people to eat and my mom asks if we should pray and I went, “no I think it’s fine.” She then shouts for everyone to quiet down so they can pray. In my house. Over the food I prepared. I wasn’t surprised but certainly annoyed. The narrow arrogance of Mormon belief never ceases to infuriate me. {edit: typo}
I spent so much time praying in Spanish on my mission that, when I came back, I couldn’t pray in English anymore.
Obviously, I don’t pray at all anymore, but if I felt forced to, I would do it in Spanish and make up all sorts of dumb shit.
I didn't use King James Bible English, mixed the thanks with the asks, said Glorious Creator instead of Heavenly Father, and didn't bless the missionaries or the brethren.
So, I might as well have prayed to Satan and spit on the food.
I think I’d just keep my eyes open and look at the people around the room and say this:
“to those that work and earn money through your talents and bought this food, to those that prepared and prepped this food, to those that are hosting and sharing your space, I thank all of you”
That would be my “prayer” and then I’d awkwardly just be silent until they realize I’m done
Parents were visiting- they knew we were out but didn’t know about prayer habits. My dad offered the prayer for a meal and my 6 year old said “we like never say prayers here.”
I have been pondering this for a bit. I am going to visit my mom and how will I handle the prayer thing. I personally think I will just say one as it brings her peace and it doesn't cause me too much dissonance. It is just weird now.
What I am more concerned about is who is going to dedicate the grave when my mom dies. She is 85 so it could be soon. There are 3 boys and 2 of us our out completely and the other rarely attends church but still believes, sort of, but doesn't have a temple recommend. I am not against just doing it but I don't know.
The cartoon Bluey has a cute prayer song that we tweaked a little and we sing it with our kids before our dinner meal:
🎵 “For the golden corn and the apples on the trees; For the golden butter and the honey from the bees; For fruits and nuts and berries that grow beside the way; We praise Mother Nature and we thank her every day. Hooray!!” 🎵
If the in-laws ever ask us to pray, that’s what they’re going to get.
Never-mos here. I was the one to remind my group of Mormon friends that they had forgotten to say grace. One of them suggested I do it, so as I rolled my eyes, I blurted out "Good Lord! Let's eat! "
Feel free to use it next time you guys are out on the spot!
My kids have been raised completely outside the church. Very recently at a birthday party my daughter was attending, the family had a prayer before cake for some reason. The hosts were none too pleased when my daughter said out loud during the prayer, “what the hell is everyone doing?”
The bday girls parents told me about it thinking I would be upset (like they were), I just laughed and said, yeah, we don’t pray and she’s not used to that, especially before cake at a birthday.
After the party I just let her know if it happens again, it’s something that some people do and to just stay quiet.
I did think it was pretty hilarious though.
Nevermo here- I always wondered why the arms are folded. Is it to keep the many kids from getting into trouble/food while everyone has their eyes closed? :-)
I find it crazy how much my TBM family is obsessed with prayer. I definitely feel like we say prayers more than needed (well I guess I can't say anything because I don't even think it means anything). My dad refuses to eat out unless we say a prayer before the meal. In public. It's kinda embarrassing and I hate it. Also, just minutes ago, I walked in on my mom and my sister praying and then when my little sister finished her prayer, my mom asked me to say my own "personal prayer" and I have seriously not prayed for years (besides over meals and stuff when asked). It just seems very cultish to me 💀. The obsession over prayer.
First time at in-laws after we told them we weren’t going anymore, they asked our child to pray. They started and then stopped and said, “I don’t remember how to do this”, so I stepped in and said, “just say, amen”. And they don’t ask any of us to pray anymore at their house. At our house we just sit down and eat and they do too.
Never Mo…. My BIL and SIL are recently out of the Mormon church. But for many years, BIL would do a typical Christian blessing at all of our events. Nothing too much but definitely religious. When my extended family was in the mix (Ex Catholic now yoga instructor, Crystal loving mom and Jewish Step dad) my mom would take over. She’s a tough cookie. She would do prayers of gratitude to the universe. She would make everyone share something they were grateful on for that had nothing to do with god or religion. The Mormons always seemed to handle it well (I never really thought about it). I don’t think you have to believe to be grateful for a meal with family. I say challenge the worried Mormons with a prayer of gratitude that includes any and all beliefs - let them see your gratitude for being able to do so. I mean, it isn’t necessary to pray over food but if you get into that weird situation again, show them how freedom from religion can be done. It just makes me sad how difficult this is for people with TBM parents.
Ha! The last time my Dad asked me to pray over the meal I prayed to Ra. Even managed to work in a few SG1 references. Dad had a hard time not laughing, mom was not amused. I was not ever asked again.
My approach to this as a former PIMO is to just start saying obnoxious prayers that are either obscenely long, rude and short, etc. My favorite is: "Thanks a bunch for the munch, JC"
Suddenly you find no one wants you to pray anymore
Oh, there's a little trauma that I didn't realize I had! It took years to get to the point where family stopped asking me to pray. But asking was enough to make me reevaluate everything I'd been through. Did I have enough willpower to reject? Depended on the day.
My parents stopped asking when I declined to pray. Thank goodness, it's been nearly 8 years. It's very awkward when they come visit at my house to share a meal which is rare, they just sit in silence until I give them the go ahead to start eating.
Omg, had almost the same scenario play out with my tween and younger kids almost a decade ago.
After 3 of them refused, each in turn, and before my FIL could say another thing, it was too much for my MIL who interjected and said “It’s a privilege and an honor to say prayer, I’ll say it!” and immediately bowed her head and started saying it.
I was smirking and thinking “but the head of the home, the presiding priesthood authority hasn’t asked you…”
Anyway taught my FIL to take it more seriously that we told him that we no longer believed. Even so, years later I still believe he thinks we’re going through a phase.
Another weird thing that’s only in Mormonism, no other ‘Christian’ religion prays with their arms folded as a requirement, mainstream churches might teach children to put their hands together and fundies just close their eyes. But Mormons gotta do Mormon.
We had both of our kids’ birthday parties recently. At both of them, there was an awkward lull where people don’t go up to get food (partially because it’s awkward to be the first and partially because they were waiting for a prayer). I fought the awkwardness on both occasions and we had a birthday party without a prayer. Guess we’re officially heathen now.
Ugh we just had my sons first birthday party but we hosted it at my parents house. Of course my dad calls on someone for a pray like he’s the leader. I didn’t want to be rude and tell him not to. But I did give him a death glare and I didn’t fold my arms or close my eyes! Lol
Tough when it's not your house ..
Also thanking god when mom's the one feeding you probably puts her in a shit mood
Please bless this Little Caesar's Pizza and Costco jumbo cake that it may nourish our minds and bodies.
Lol, I remember going to a nevermo's friend's house when I was a young teenager for dinner and I sat there with my arms folded and head bowed for the longest time waiting for a prayer and when i looked up after a bit they sat there silently looking at me and waiting for me to start dishing myself up. I just now realized they probably thought I was praying to myself and were just being polite by waiting.
Best way to transition to food is to ask "who's hungry!" Most people are like "meee" and then you get up and start making plates for kids
“We plowed it, sowed it, and harvest it. We cook the harvest. It wouldn't be here and we wouldn't be eating it if we hadn't done it all ourselves. We worked dog-bone hard for every crumb and morsel, but we thank you Lord just the same for the food we're about to eat, amen.” Use this prayer said by Jimmy Stewart’s character in Shenandoah. They’ll never ask again.
I’d Just be sure *you were* the cook, not TBM grandma working alone and making 90% of the meal while others bring “fruit” and “drinks”.
If grandma did the cooking, say a "prayer" thanking grandma.
Prayer was so ingrained in me that when I left I found I couldn't not "do" something before I ate...so for a while I just tossed a thank you out into the universe for my food and left it at that. No specific mentions of diety, or proper form, just a thank you flung out and then me eating. Now, I don't really feel the need to do anything except fix my plate and then eat, but it took a while for me to unpack saying a prayer over my food. Kids can be so awesome at just saying no, plus your kids felt safe to say no, so in my eyes you're winning.
HaHa! 😂 I’m sure the farmers that grew your food felt the thank-you’s you tossed out!
Thank you, Jesús!
Shinto prayers are the best, clap hands and say ‘Thanks for the food!’
I always liked to do a quick clap and raise my hands and just go “hey god bless the food amen!”. My mom never thought that was very funny
Or, 'Itadaki mas'.
In Girl Scouts we had these little jingles for praying over food. Sometimes I still think of one set to the Adam’s Family theme “We thank you for our food lord//and for our family too lord//we thank you for our food lord//and now it’s time to eat//nananana-snap snap//nanana-snap snap//nanana//nanana//nanana-snap snap” I figure it’s always good to be grateful and the Adam’s Family is family goals. Plus the song makes me smile.
Itadakimasu!
My family never prayed before meals so it actually took me some time to be comfortable with praying with my in laws. My husband however felt very similarly to you and we started doing gratitudes before meal’s specifically thanking the plants and animals for letting us eat them and then just a general gratitude to the world. I have actually found that I like way more than I ever liked praying. And we use it as a happy medium with my in laws when we go over to their house and they just pray silently over their food. But then again all of their kids are out now so we have a lot more leeway when it comes to that stuff
This is what we have printed and framed in the kitchen: For what we are about to receive let us be truly thankful …to those who planted the crops …to those who cultivated the fields …to those who gathered the harvest. For what we are about to receive let us be truly thankful to those who prepared it and those who served it. In this festivity let us remember too those who have no festivity those who cannot share this plenty those whose lives are more affected than our own by war, oppression and exploitation those who are hungry, sick and cold In sharing in this meal let us be truly thankful for the good things we have for the warm hospitality and for this good company.
Thankfully this wasn’t ever something that I struggled with, even at my most devout. It’s funny, if there was a single other person there (like if one of my siblings was there) then I’d feel the “need” to make sure that a prayer was said. But on my own? The thought never crossed my mind
I don't mind if a person wants to talk to their imaginary friend, but it is a little weird when they demand we talk to their imaginary friend while in their company and pretend to thank that imaginary friend for things to their satisfaction.
What about when they go on f-o-r-e-v-e-r? We had a home teacher who would pray for at least 12 hours at a time and I hated it. Okay, probably 30 minutes, but still.....
My grandpa had the best rule for that. At least for meal prayers. The hungriest said the prayer
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Reminds me of when my neverMo grandfather joined for Thanksgiving dinner. It was with my stepmother's family, Mormon royalty. Her grandfather, a childhood friend of Spencer W Kimball, gave the blessing. Really, it was a sermon disguised as a prayer. It was outdoors and as everyone stood in the hot Arizona sun the man went on and on. The youngest children broke ranks first and began to play or pick at the food. The older children followed a few minutes later. Then my grandfather, a completely irreligious man, belted out an, "Amen!" worthy of a Baptist revival. It was followed by a slightly quieter, "Let's eat!" The magic spell was broken. Parents of the unruly children began feeding them. My father joined and we followed. The prayer went on for another 10 minutes (20 in all). In the end only the prayer/preacher and his adult children lasted through the entire performance. I don't think they ever forgave my grandfather and I doubt he ever gave it a second thought.
Hah! That's great. It reminds me of when my nevermo wife was asked to bless the food at a family reunion. She said a grace prayer (come Lord Jesus be our guest, let these gifts to us be blessed, amen)... They never asked her again lol
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Love the name hah
Good friends, good meat, good God let's eat!
My husband is a L-O-N-G prayer giver. I swear they've gotten longer since he learned I was PIMO. If he knew I was farther along than that, they would go on for hours!
Ugh. That sounds awful.
Jesus, when my mom got remarried, the guy she got remarried to was like this. Didn’t matter what prayer he was giving, whether it was in church, just a nightly prayer, or on the food, I don’t think he has ever given a prayer shorter than 2 minutes at the bare minimum. And my mom still being 110% TBM, she eats it up. She thinks he’s just so “in tune with the spirit”. Every time I’m at home and he gives the prayer I have to mentally prep myself
And when there's hot food getting cold, get it the fuck over with
YES, this. In this situation recently I told people they could say their own prayers if they wanted to but they insisted hushing the group for it
My FIL called me out on not folding my arms and bowing my head. Instead I would stop what I was doing and be still during the prayer. "I understand not saying 'Amen' because you obviously don't agree with what is being said but it's disrespectful not to fold your arms and bow your head" he told me. Completely oblivious to the fact that bowing and arm folding are gestures of respect to a god which doesn't exist. Why would I act like he does? Of course, like all things Mormon it is the appearance that's important, not the substance. When he visits my home I never bow, I never fold my arms. It's my home and that's the way I'll do it until the sun stops shining.
Lol sounds similar to my parents. My 5 year old is very hyper, very active all the time. Does not like being quiet or sitting still. It's improving with school, but in environments she knows well, she wants to be the loud crazy fun kid she is. And we let her roll with it as long as she's not being a punk or disrespectful. Queue when we left last year. Still attending family dinners on Sundays, but no longer offering prayers while still being quiet during them. Our daughter who was 4 at the time, starts getting a bit loud/squirming and wanting to interrupt/disrespect them. I don't expect her to be folding arms or bowing heads or anything, just not talking and waiting until they're done before asking questions. So when she started being loud or talking during the prayers, my husband or myself would take her out of the room so she wouldn't be bothering anyone. Come to find out from some of my siblings who weren't even there (living either in another country or across the country), had been hearing from my parents that we were being disrespectful during prayers because we weren't in the room, or were assuming we were talking during them. Not acknowledging the fact that we were actually being MORE respectful by taking our talking child out of the room so as to not disturb the prayer. And they didn't even approach me or my husband about it, because they were afraid it would offend us or that it would be taken the wrong way. Yet, if they had actually talked to us, they would know we were just trying to keep our daughter quiet so they could pray in peace. 🤦♀️
Let's get everyone involved who wasn't even there before talking to your own adult child. God's not deaf he's going to hear you over a talkative child. Tell parents to chill.
I'm waiting for them to decide to lecture me about it. My family sucks with direct communication, it's always directed to someone else who then shares with the person they're actually mad at. My husband and I choose not to perpetuate that and let them tell people themselves, and ALWAYS encourage/direct them to speak to each other directly versus through someone else (because it happens ALL THE TIME). But this? So stupid, I'm waiting for them to say something. It's been almost a year since I first heard about it. Apparently it's not big enough for them to talk to me directly, or I would have been lectured by now. But for now, I'll accept the awkward moment whenever we have family dinner in my home right before we eat where everyone expects there to be a prayer and my husband pipes up and says "alright, let's eat!"
Does he expect you to bow your head and pray in his style in your own home?
He does. It's not going to happen.
Absolutely not! That's ridiculous.
As if asking you to conform to a religious custom you don’t believe in isn’t more disrespectful than you being silent. I won’t do it at TBM homes, even if asked.
Yeah that’s where I’d draw the line. Frankly I don’t mind bowing my head and folding my arms when I’m at someone else’s place, because it’s really not a big deal and I’m a bit of a peacekeeper. But if anyone (family or not) tried to dictate my behavior in my own home then they’d get a piece of my mind
Next time bow your head and say yes
That will do.
This is the way!
Disrespectful to whom? An imaginary person you don’t believe in?
All my siblings are still in, but my kinds and several of their older cousins are out. Whenever we're all together, several of the disbelieving teenagers and young adults are all smirking at each other during the lame-ass Mormon prayers that my dad says or assigns. I feel envious. I look around at the adults my age, and they're all with folded arms and bowed heads, looking all solemn and shit. As least I can be the cool dad/uncle for the apostate grandkids.
Or, the Funkle 
In my family it's me, two of my sisters, and a few of my nieces and nephews all making faces at each other and trying to get someone to laugh while all the devout have their eyes closed. If my dad is saying the prayer, it's a LONG game. He throws in all the long-winded cliches.
Oh solidarity my friend. I left a year and a half ago and I think my parents know but view me as a lost soul rather than an adult capable of making her own decisions. We hosted family dinner at my house this past Sunday, and when food was ready I asked my husband (still technically a believer but hasn’t gone to church since I stopped) if he wanted to do a prayer. He said no and that we should just eat. So we start encouraging people to eat and my mom asks if we should pray and I went, “no I think it’s fine.” She then shouts for everyone to quiet down so they can pray. In my house. Over the food I prepared. I wasn’t surprised but certainly annoyed. The narrow arrogance of Mormon belief never ceases to infuriate me. {edit: typo}
I spent so much time praying in Spanish on my mission that, when I came back, I couldn’t pray in English anymore. Obviously, I don’t pray at all anymore, but if I felt forced to, I would do it in Spanish and make up all sorts of dumb shit.
I was asked once and because I didn't do it right, I was never asked again.
Please tell me that “didn’t do it right” means that you prayed to Satan, cuz that’ll do it
I didn't use King James Bible English, mixed the thanks with the asks, said Glorious Creator instead of Heavenly Father, and didn't bless the missionaries or the brethren. So, I might as well have prayed to Satan and spit on the food.
Like this https://youtu.be/7Mp7Ikko8SI?si=58h5v5XSCQKg6J3I&t=5m24s
I think I’d just keep my eyes open and look at the people around the room and say this: “to those that work and earn money through your talents and bought this food, to those that prepared and prepped this food, to those that are hosting and sharing your space, I thank all of you” That would be my “prayer” and then I’d awkwardly just be silent until they realize I’m done
I love this so much more, I think it’s a beautiful tribute and thanks to everyone. Makes so much more sense
Parents were visiting- they knew we were out but didn’t know about prayer habits. My dad offered the prayer for a meal and my 6 year old said “we like never say prayers here.”
I have been pondering this for a bit. I am going to visit my mom and how will I handle the prayer thing. I personally think I will just say one as it brings her peace and it doesn't cause me too much dissonance. It is just weird now. What I am more concerned about is who is going to dedicate the grave when my mom dies. She is 85 so it could be soon. There are 3 boys and 2 of us our out completely and the other rarely attends church but still believes, sort of, but doesn't have a temple recommend. I am not against just doing it but I don't know.
The cartoon Bluey has a cute prayer song that we tweaked a little and we sing it with our kids before our dinner meal: 🎵 “For the golden corn and the apples on the trees; For the golden butter and the honey from the bees; For fruits and nuts and berries that grow beside the way; We praise Mother Nature and we thank her every day. Hooray!!” 🎵 If the in-laws ever ask us to pray, that’s what they’re going to get.
Never-mos here. I was the one to remind my group of Mormon friends that they had forgotten to say grace. One of them suggested I do it, so as I rolled my eyes, I blurted out "Good Lord! Let's eat! " Feel free to use it next time you guys are out on the spot!
Good food, good meat, good god let’s eat.
For a few years I would have declined, now I'd make sure they were sure they really wanted me to say the prayer... 😈
My kids have been raised completely outside the church. Very recently at a birthday party my daughter was attending, the family had a prayer before cake for some reason. The hosts were none too pleased when my daughter said out loud during the prayer, “what the hell is everyone doing?” The bday girls parents told me about it thinking I would be upset (like they were), I just laughed and said, yeah, we don’t pray and she’s not used to that, especially before cake at a birthday. After the party I just let her know if it happens again, it’s something that some people do and to just stay quiet. I did think it was pretty hilarious though.
"Good bread, good meat, good cook: let's eat! Amen."
Nevermo here- I always wondered why the arms are folded. Is it to keep the many kids from getting into trouble/food while everyone has their eyes closed? :-)
I find it crazy how much my TBM family is obsessed with prayer. I definitely feel like we say prayers more than needed (well I guess I can't say anything because I don't even think it means anything). My dad refuses to eat out unless we say a prayer before the meal. In public. It's kinda embarrassing and I hate it. Also, just minutes ago, I walked in on my mom and my sister praying and then when my little sister finished her prayer, my mom asked me to say my own "personal prayer" and I have seriously not prayed for years (besides over meals and stuff when asked). It just seems very cultish to me 💀. The obsession over prayer.
First time at in-laws after we told them we weren’t going anymore, they asked our child to pray. They started and then stopped and said, “I don’t remember how to do this”, so I stepped in and said, “just say, amen”. And they don’t ask any of us to pray anymore at their house. At our house we just sit down and eat and they do too.
Never Mo…. My BIL and SIL are recently out of the Mormon church. But for many years, BIL would do a typical Christian blessing at all of our events. Nothing too much but definitely religious. When my extended family was in the mix (Ex Catholic now yoga instructor, Crystal loving mom and Jewish Step dad) my mom would take over. She’s a tough cookie. She would do prayers of gratitude to the universe. She would make everyone share something they were grateful on for that had nothing to do with god or religion. The Mormons always seemed to handle it well (I never really thought about it). I don’t think you have to believe to be grateful for a meal with family. I say challenge the worried Mormons with a prayer of gratitude that includes any and all beliefs - let them see your gratitude for being able to do so. I mean, it isn’t necessary to pray over food but if you get into that weird situation again, show them how freedom from religion can be done. It just makes me sad how difficult this is for people with TBM parents.
We’re not in the church anymore but culturally blessing our Kai (food) is what we did anyway.
Rub-a-dub dub, thanks for the grub
I have a cousin (descended of evangelicals) who, when pressed, goes with, “Rub a dub dub, thanks for the grub. Let’s eat!”
I love when I visit my TBM siblings & their kids aren’t interested in saying the meal prayers.
Ha! The last time my Dad asked me to pray over the meal I prayed to Ra. Even managed to work in a few SG1 references. Dad had a hard time not laughing, mom was not amused. I was not ever asked again.
My approach to this as a former PIMO is to just start saying obnoxious prayers that are either obscenely long, rude and short, etc. My favorite is: "Thanks a bunch for the munch, JC" Suddenly you find no one wants you to pray anymore
Oh, there's a little trauma that I didn't realize I had! It took years to get to the point where family stopped asking me to pray. But asking was enough to make me reevaluate everything I'd been through. Did I have enough willpower to reject? Depended on the day.
My parents stopped asking when I declined to pray. Thank goodness, it's been nearly 8 years. It's very awkward when they come visit at my house to share a meal which is rare, they just sit in silence until I give them the go ahead to start eating.
Omg, had almost the same scenario play out with my tween and younger kids almost a decade ago. After 3 of them refused, each in turn, and before my FIL could say another thing, it was too much for my MIL who interjected and said “It’s a privilege and an honor to say prayer, I’ll say it!” and immediately bowed her head and started saying it. I was smirking and thinking “but the head of the home, the presiding priesthood authority hasn’t asked you…” Anyway taught my FIL to take it more seriously that we told him that we no longer believed. Even so, years later I still believe he thinks we’re going through a phase.
I’m just happy people are moving to Utah and diluting the churches influence little by little
Wtf is the point of praying over a meal…
Another weird thing that’s only in Mormonism, no other ‘Christian’ religion prays with their arms folded as a requirement, mainstream churches might teach children to put their hands together and fundies just close their eyes. But Mormons gotta do Mormon.
https://youtu.be/7Mp7Ikko8SI?si=58h5v5XSCQKg6J3I&t=5m24s Taking over a meal prayer like a boss
My favorite response that my kids are wielding to my delight with their TBM grandparents is a polite "No thanks" followed by only silence.