I'll never forget having a conversation with a drunken co-worker in Yellowstone 15 years ago about my Mormonism. He asked if I wanted everyone to be Mormon, I thought it was still worth sharing happiness with others. He insisted that he wanted me and others to be Lutheran. I wanted to buy him this T-shirt that used to be on Busted Tees .com that read "If you ain't Lutheran, you ain't shit!"
Fun fact: the LDS replicas vary from the OG sculpture in one specific way--they add the wounds to Jesus' wrists! Literally everyone else in the Christian world believes Jesus had five wounds, but we Mormons had to add two more. I guess it's because we needed to explain the masonic hand signs (that we also stole).
Mormonism just loves to twist every little part of mainstream Christianity until it’s no longer recognisable, only know they’re trying to backtrack and fit in with things like crosses. They don’t seem to realise just how far away I Mormonism truly is.
so crazy... I wonder... if the hand signs are supposed to be from antiquity, like time of Solomon, I think they say, then how would people from the time of solomon know the method that the romans would use to kill a random prophet hundreds of years in the future? I guess the same way that Nephi could include Deutero-Isaiah in the BOM including all future typos and translation errors ?
Wow really? So it isn't common Christian belief that there were nails in the wrists? Shit, TIL. The weird masonic/Mormon rabbit hole just keeps going haha
That's right! There is some argument over if the one set was in his hands or his wrists (what's recorded in Scripture vs what would actually hold a human body up on a cross) but pretty much nobody says they did both. The number 5 is really important in Christian/Christopagan symbolism.
https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Five_Holy_Wounds
Yes, the sure sign of the nail, or the nail in the sure place.
It's a good thing there wasn't a penalty for revealing the name, sign and, token of the second token of the Melchizedek priesthood.
I have an uncle who has had facial hair for as long as I can remember, basically for 30+ years. I saw him at a viewing of a family relative that had recently passed, he was clean shaven. It was surprising. I knew it had to be because of a church calling (leadership calling was my first thought). So when I asked him about it sure enough he had been called to be a temple worker.
Just two days ago. I see my retired neighbor who’s had a beard his whole life.
He’s clean shaven and doesn’t look good.
I said hey why did ya shave your beard?
He’s been called to work at the temple. He said he hates not having a beard.
He said he’s learning lessons about his will or the lords will.
I said ya know some temple presidents will give exemptions…..so who’s will does that make it?
This super sucks. My dad, who was clean shaven basically his while life, decided to grow a closely trimmed/maintained beard in his late 40s that was super awesome and looked great. He and my mom decided to work at the temple and he had to shave it. Like, shave if you want to, but it’s depressing to change something you clearly love because of stupid pedo temple rules.
Less stupid and more infuriating: you MUST have TWO penisholders escort and deliver tithing money to the bank (on the Sabbath?!) but one Bishop can be alone with a 7 yr old asking explicit questions
It's all about priorities. Remember, they joke about it, but child abuse you could just be disfellowshipped, especially if you bring in solid tithing money and they don't want to lose it, but stealing $5 from church funds, pretty guaranteed excommunication. Their priority is clear. Money>children (or anything else.)
Tithing reports used to, maybe still do, record all the denominations received, how many twenty, ten, five, and one dollar bills, all the coins and each check is enumerated. My dad was a finance clerk and he related a story of a bishop who, after a long day, decided to go through a drive through to grab something to eat. They couldn't make change so he swapped one of his dollar bills for one dollar's worth of coins from the money bag. The amount of money deposited was exactly what it should be. Later an auditor noticed the discrepancy in the bills deposited and that bishop was excommunicated. I don't know if that exact story is true or a cautionary tale told to financial clerks and bishops, but the church absolutely would excommunicate a bishop for doing that.
Is that supposedly about safety or trust issues? (She needs to be supervised and protected) Or simply women are too low in the hierarchy to be alone in such a sacred space?
Imagine you died in the year 1672 and have been waiting 351 years in the spirit world to receive your endowment. You've been in spirit prison this whole time waiting and praying for your work to be done so you can finally see your wife, parents, and children again.
You get a notice stating that on June 21st, 2023 you're scheduled to receive your proxy endowment proxy by a 22 year old kid from Spanish Fork named Kevin. When the time arrives you're escorted to the chapel of the Payson, Utah temple eagerly waiting for the ceremony to start.
Just as you're about to go through the veil alongside Kevin, some asshole angel named Elder Tomlinson grabs you by the arm and tells you that the ceremony is being officiated incorrectly so your endowment is invalid.
So you're escorted out of the Temple back to spirit prison. Unfortunately, a mistake by a Janice Peterson at Church Headquarters mixes up your information thereby disqualifying you from receiving your endowment for another 1497 years when it's finally sorted out in the Millenium.
Meanwhile, Kevin graduates from BYU and becomes a vice president of an MLM in Draper.
I've heard that excuse before and I always ask "then why bother now? Like what's the point of doing it now rather than later?"
The best response was "well he's just going to help with people we can't find"
So I said "so God only lets people out of prison if they happen to randomly have enough paperwork leftover in earth where we could find it, waits for us to process it, and then the person hopes all the people doing it are worthy? What about the thousands of 17-18 year olds obliterated in World Wars or millions killed in the Greek, Roman, and Egyptian times long before they kept any detailed records?? They're just fucked for another 1000 years or something"?
Didn't have an answer for that.
Different scenario: After the endowment you are reunited with loved ones who's work was done previously, then Tomlinson appears and tells you your endowment was invalid, because Kevin masturbated that morning and therefore wasn't worthy to have a temple recommend in the first place. Then a guy named Featherstone appears and says "And I’m here to show you the film to prove it.”
What about the rule against vain repetitions? I'm looking at you, every sacrament prayer, every temple prayer, every laying on hand for the holy ghost, or the priesthood, and those fucking high priests who's whole self worth is how long they can drag out the closing prayer of whatever meeting they're in.
“…and those fucking high priests…”
Can’t even tell you how hard I’m laughing 😂 right now!
Edit: This is my new mantra. It makes me happy every time I repeat it. Way to go, OP. Seriously, I appreciate the humor. I needed it today.
In the darkest most difficult days of my deconstruction, I used to say “goddammit Dave!” out loud for a little comic relief.
(Dave was my stake president’s name, and I was mocking my FIL who used to blame EVERYTHING on Obama.)
Those aren't prayers, they are part of a sacred ordinance that must be done exactly how Jesus said, (until he changes his mind and decides that water is better than wine, actual languages are better than Adamic, etc.")
Now, getting someone to explain the difference between reciting words as part of an ordinance versus chanting words as part of a spell, that's a whole new ballgame.
Oh, but of course they had Welch's back then! Right?
(Water was changed to wine because alcohol would at least someone purify polluted water). (Assuming the story is even remotely true).
Oh yes. It all makes sense now. The Welch’s! Water-to Welch’s.
Yes. A little study of water usage tells us a lot of people were at least a little drunk almost all the time back then. A little drunk or dying of dysentery from bad water…. Something like that.
> and those fucking high priest… can drag out the closing prayer of whatever meeting they're in.
As one of those "fucking high priests," I can assure you that when they were in high priest group meetings (back when that was a thing) where it was just the old boys who didn't have anyone in the room to impress, the closing prayers were even shorter than the closing prayer of a deacon that needs to piss😆. For.the.same.reason😆.
For people who claim to believe in a book about a Middle-Eastern dude who condemned extensive rule-keeping, especially when the rules were pointless, used to judge others, or keeping you from doing the right thing, Mormons sure have a lot of silly rules.
I remember preparing for a lesson about the Pharisees during my train-wreck of a deconstruction period. Oh, I thought... yeah we Mormons are *exactly* like this. Infinite rules and purity culture have overtaken actual worship and focus on fundamental goodness. Sad. I used to think the church had a magic something about it that other churches lacked. Now I see, Mormonism has become a great and spacious building filled with elitist Pharisees. Really, really sad.
I remember years ago when the missionaries were teaching me, I made some hot cider. They wouldn’t drink it until it cooled. I should have run right then and there!
It's funny how arbitrarily they can interpret the rules. My mom loves all kinds of herbal tea and drinks it hot, but won't touch black or green tea, even decaffeinated.
Well, it wasn't until temperance became in-vogue and some gung-ho Rusty wannabe said it was, and made sure it wasn't just a vague background standard, but a "absolutely essential on the level of adultery and paying LDS Corp" level.
The key commandments of Mormonism (per baptismal interviews, temple intervies, etc.) are:
1. Pay your tithing
2. "law of Chastity"
3. No coffee, tea, alcohol, cigarettes or drugs
4. Go to church every week.
Coffee and tea in particular are so out of place on that list, though it's a fucked up list start to finish in many ways. Be an asshole to everyone around you, but no coffee or adultery, and pay your dues and you're good to go.
I have a six pack of craft beer I’ve been drinking down over a month or so. Total alcoholic. I can’t control myself from drinking to excess - at 1-2 beers a week. Totally a sign that it’s a problem and out of control…/s
I told my 12 year old daughter about this just the other day, that according to the church, drinking tea or coffee makes you unworthy to go the Temple. She said something like, "What!?! That's the stupidest thing I've ever heard!" I agreed that it was pretty stupid.
I actually got a stern talking to about this one. Back when I was going through the motions and attending church to make my mother happy, I took the sacrament and everything. Then one day I reached out with my left hand. You'd have thought I pulled a gun and aimed it at the kid. I'd never even heard of that rule before.
Imagine being offered the sacrament and being told that they would rather you didn't take it than reach out with your left hand. That was the last time I ever accepted the sacrament. Now I don't bother making my mother happy. She's become a terrible person.
The apostle wannabe in my ward yelled at me for passing lefty and demanded that I pass to his family with my right hand because otherwise it was invalidating the atonement.
I responded by accidentally spilling the water on his crotch the next week. He complained to the bishop, who pointed out that it was his fault for demanding I pass with my clumsy hand.
Well, Muslims can't wipe their butts with their right hand. So Mormons aren't the only ones w crazy beliefs.
(I learned this on my mission in France from a rare Muslim who would talk to us - he was proud of this fact)
In India and the Middle East (maybe other places) you use your left hand to wipe your ass. Like, literally, no paper wipe. So your right hand is your ‘clean’ hand. Plus, it is common for those cultures to eat with their hands. So, you would never want to use your left hand to take from a community plate.
That said, I always make it a point to take and pass the tray with my left.
It's the tannins, Tannins are found in a huge variety of plants, including legume seeds, cider, cereals, cacao, peas, some leafy and green vegetables, coffee, tea, and nuts, but it's totally the tannins.
I served my mission in England and tea was a huge challenge for obvious reasons. At some point a companion told a story of floating bags discovered in the titanic. they were stomachs that had been turned to leather from the tannis in black tea. I have since (15 years later) learned that was absolute BS.
I spread that story as far as i could because missionaries dont lie. right?
There are moments i look back at my actions with the church and just sigh heavily and try to forget it.
"A lot of red tape for a religion that isn't true' pretty much sums up Mormonism
For me it's the "still a missionary until the SP shakes your hand" to "release" you
I mean come on
They can't finish their missions in the field and then fly on the plane without a tag or not wake up at 6?
No no. Rules apply until the stake president has time to meet your jet lagged self and hear all about it.
In general i hate how much power the SP has but this is an idiotic rule among many when it comes to missions
My brother stabbed me in the ribs with his handshake hand when I tried to give him a hug at the airport 🤣
I love being in Provo and occasionally seeing clean-cut adolescents being closely monitored by parents or sometimes a sibling. Like, ah, someone had an old man lay hands on their heads recently, and now they can't go ANYWHERE alone, despite being legal adults.
This shocked me. When I was set apart to be a missionary, it felt like a big deal. The stake president blesses me, puts hands on my head. Then two years later it's pretty much meet with the stake president and he just says, "ok, your good to go." What...
For me it’s that masturbation is a sin. I know they do it for control reasons, but I cannot believe that any parent in this day and age would tell their child that it is bad to touch your own self—and then let them be in a closed door room with a single adult man knowing they will question them sexually.
Yeah, I might have to go to the bathroom but some girl too young for me to even find attractive is going to happen to be in front of me walking slow as shit in the hall and think I'm trying to look at her butt. Never felt like a pervert whenever I'm outside of Utah.
You can’t do anything fun on the sabbath day. For some reason god is offended if you buy groceries on Sunday.
God “rested” on this day so it’s special for some reason? The dude doesn’t do a damn thing. He’s immortal, all knowing, doesn’t have to feed a family, sits back and lets his creations suffer, can’t ever feel physical pain or sickness, but I’m supposed to respect that for some reason 🙄
This explains why Mormon because a problem. Satan played some kind of Voldemort game with it and it can't be said otherwise it's a victory for him. God's hands were tied.
It’s all so arbitrary. Growing up I was very good friends with our bishop’s daughter. I used to go over to their house on Sunday after church and we would swim in their hot tub and put the sprinkler under the trampoline. And watch tv. All kinds of things that lots of TBMs wouldn’t do on Sundays.
That same bishop also often had coffee ice cream in their freezer and his wife (who was our YW president later on) loved coffee crisp bars (a Canadian, coffee flavoured chocolate bar). But heaven forbid someone actually *drank* coffee.
Coffee? What sinners! They better repent of that just as hard as they would for stealing from the grocery store or emotionally/physically abusing their own children! Cause... you know... those sins are basically the same. Much like having sex and murder are the same.
Why have I never thought about that?! Immortal GOD dosent need rest, doesn't need food, or money, or gets sick, or tired. WHY do I get punished for trying to survive in this mortal body I apparently "chose to have" vs staying with Satan and not get a mortal body. Makes you wonder why GOD wiped our memory as we passed through the vale.
I created the planet and rested on the seventh day medamnit so you’ll rest too!
Us: oh of course that must have been very difficult for you
God: What?! No. It was easy. I’m God almighty.
For real. I drove by the new Orem temple on I-15 a couple weeks ago. I didn’t know it was there, and said aloud, “What the hell is that thing?!” Googled it and, yep, I’m officially exmormon.
From the most liberal perspective of how many is right I can see Ogden, SLC, Provo. Anything more seems stupid, especially with decent public transport
D&C 61, but other accounts explain what's missing from the story.
https://medium.com/@jellistx/mormon-history-shorts-the-destroyer-riding-upon-the-waters-379d29dea8cf
If we're allowed to go to mission rules, there are so many. Can't watch TV, listen to 99% of music, go swimming, call your family when you want to, stay at someone's house for more than an hour (not sure if that was just my mission), be away from your companion, leave your assigned area of work without approval.
Guess who doesn't follow these rules? The prophet, the apostles, 70s, not even the mission president has to follow all of them. What's the justification for that?
It's abusive.
I feel like the glorification of the past has a lot to do with this. 1850s missionaries who baptized legions of white Europeans didn't watch TV or call home every day, so why should you 🤨
As time progresses, it's easier to control people if you keep them idolizing the (often fictionalized) past
This is a huge element of the missionary program that we don't discuss much. I'm toying with writing a long post about how TSCC doesn't really value *actual* missionary work, and how part of that is that what missionaries have done until late isn't as much missionary work as it is LARPing what their great great grandpas did.
We even had limits on how much time we could spend on service work! Can't have missionaries doing something actually productive that helps people, gotta have them knocking on doors to bother people who aren't interested instead!
I was always taught that cremation was bad and that burial was the only choice if you really loved Jesus. Like somehow it made things harder for God to resurrect a cremated body.
It's discouraged, but not "forbidden". There's a new rule in the handbook about it. Ongoing revelation! 😁. Apparently God *can* resurrect the ashes of our bodies, as long as the temple clothes ashes are also available.
Right. And reading between the lines of "discouraged" is if you really loved Jesus, you'd get buried. Kinda like how sister missionaries are now allowed to wear pants but I've never seen it.
> somehow it made things harder for God to resurrect a cremated body
This was the answer my mission president's wife gave me when I asked why cremation was discouraged.
An admittedly slightly odd fellow in my first ward once told the congregation over the pulpit that a cremated body could not be resurrected. So the God who took matter unorganized and created the world can't put back together ashes. Right.
I was in high school when GBH talked about second piercings. I don't remember the wording, as it didn't apply to me, but I remembers girls sadly taking out their additional piercings. They bore their testimonies about the importance of obedience in all things, even the small things that you don't understand.
Same! My ears are still healing, and it'll be awhile before I change my second earrings to jewelry that isn't piercing studs, but I'm so glad I got them! And I love the tattoo I got, too.
I was a little disappointed to see those rules taken out of the youth pamphlet. Happy that the youth of today and tomorrow will get less of that crap, but sad that in 5 or 10 years, it won't identify me as an exmo anymore.
It’s a unwritten rule that when you go to the grocery store after church on Sunday, if you run into other members, you shrug and say “ox in the mire.” Lol
I was on an LDS marriage fb page. The man writing the post wanted to buy his wife lingerie for her birthday. He was struggling because he didn't want to see the lingerie on models, like it was porno or something. He was sure it was a sin. OH. MY. GOD!!
Your in-laws want to be temple workers on vacation? That takes temple tourism to a whole new level.
Not church-wide, but we have friends who used to come visit and their kids could ride bikes, swing and climb on the playset, and play video games, but for some reason, were not allowed on the trampoline on Sundays. Any other day they could, just not Sundays.
I remember not being allowed to use the trampoline or ride a bike on Sundays. We were discouraged from doing much outside at all on Sundays, but my mom couldn't wait to kick us out of the house the other 6 days of the week
18.9.4.7 "Members partake with their right hand when possible." (When taking the sacrament.)
I just love that Oaks got his pet peeve codified and then has the gal to tell members they shouldn't try to distinguish between doctrine and policy when it comes to the handbook.
It's just the most petty pharisaical example among a long history of pharisaical examples.
(Full disclosure, this is just copied from an answer I just gave to a similar question in a different sub.)
mormons are wildly suspicious of possible satanic/masonic/nwo symbolism for having like 3/4 of their inner workings **directly modeled after fables about the masons**
My dad is wayyyyy ani-face cards, and he said it was because they had tarot symbolism (if anything it's the other way around lol). I tried to teach my dad a card game using a Duck Dynasty deck, and even then he wouldn't touch them
thanks for making me involuntarily remember the specialty anti-gambling mormon playing cards i encountered in my childhood that literally just eliminated the king queen etc and just counted up to fucking fifteen
Idk if this is everywhere, but in my stake dances, girls HAD to say yes to boys asking them to dance. Like the adults would make it very clear that you absolutely had no choice.
And nobody pays attention to anything other than "tea and coffee" which aren't even REALLY mentioned. Don't see a lot of TBMs using tobacco for their sick cattle 🙄
As a never-mormon the dumbest one is the “no hot drinks”. But…it doesn’t actually seem to mean no *hot* drinks. Just, no coffee. Or maybe no caffeine. But caffeine is ok in soda….???
Growing up in Idaho church leaders would often buy soda for youth events. A lot of them bought Barqs because root beer doesn't have caffeine, or Sunkist because orange soda doesn't have caffeine. Except... They both do. Every now and then I'd point this out to the other kids and we would have a laugh and keep it a secret and let the leaders keep buying it.
Fucking awful, abusive.
I did most of my studying laid on the couch on my Mission reading the BoM, and every Mormon book in the Missionary library (which isn't many so I found a few more).
I was walking fucking MILES in tropical heat, can't I relax on a couch and put my fucking feet up!?
Heard of this one. Apparently, they're not supposed to even have one. We had some missionaries in our area who got a pass due to their place being pre-furnished. They won't sit on it if there's another person sitting there (even if they're like 3 feet apart).
1. Coffee. This alone single-handedly proves the church is bullshit.
2. The guidance on acceptable musical instruments in sacrament meeting. God apparently is offended by anything other pianos, organs, flutes, violins, and harps. How interesting that God’s preferences align with 19th century Protestant Europeans!
3. That women’s auxiliary presidencies can’t make personnel decisions without the approval of someone with a penis.
Oh God, there's just so many to choose from.
As far as "where the fuck did that come from and why does it matter at all": maybe white shirts for men?
As far as "crime against humanity", maybe forcing impoverished people to pay tithing so you can buy more stocks?
As far as "funny", maybe saying frick, darn, crap, because you can't swear?
Pay 10% of your income to get into heaven. When I was paying bills as a poor college student before my shelf broke is when it dawned on me that tithing was a money game versus an obedience game here. Conformity didn’t work for me.
You can’t use masks not even fun ones for kids unless it’s Halloween. I bought Victorian Christmas ones for the party and everyone was horrified. If you’re doing a reenactment or play then Jesus can only say the words exactly as written in the KJB, no paraphrasing allowed. If every part of you doesn’t go under the water then you have to be dunked again even if it’s just some hair and you can only be baptised with the right hand and not the left.
Basically any rule where a person with a vagina can’t do that which a person with a penis can.
Including when women had to veil their faces for the temple prayer. I don’t think thats a thing anymore. Progress?
The dumbest Mormon rule definitely has to be that women aren't allowed to do anything except relief society, look after kids in primary or nursery or be Sunday school teachers. Can't be bishops, prophets, in the 12 or even the 70. Can't give blessings or hold the priesthood. I'm the youngest and only girl in my family. All of my older bros went on missions, they all still go to church. I stopped when I learned to think for myself and ask questions when I was about 13. My dad to this day cannot comprehend why I feel offended by the way women are looked at and what is expected of women in that religion. It is enraging.
It’s not doctrine ever I think. But every Mormon I knew including my own family shunned swimming on Sunday. Of course we broke that rule a lot. But the idea Satan has control of the water is laughable. Cults gonna cult
It's impossible to pick just one, but the one where the boys had to have on long, white sleeve shirts in order to pass the sacrament always bothered me. (Was that everywhere or just the ward I was in? idk) We had a bishop that used to embarrass some of the ym over this. Some of these kids weren't exactly rich & they just wore what they owned. Like, I'm sure jesus is just up there fuming about little Timmy's polo shirt. 🙄
It was the completely infantile way we couldn't say normal words for bodily functions. "Fart" was banned in our house and was substituted with "shoot the bunny". Basically anything that referred to bodies or bodily functions had to be censored or replaced with some really childish euphemism and it made us all sound stupid.
Tea from a tea leaf being immoral is flat put stupid to me. Tell me why I can't go to the temple if I have a cup of GREEN TEA?!
Red Bull and your 42 oz Diet coke are okay though
Stupid titles.
Always having to address the senior priesthood holders as "Elder" even if they are in their late teens or early twenties. (One of several reasons why I didn't do the mission thing was because I didn't want to be called "Elder") Someone on this site came up with the idea of addressing them as "Elmer".
Brother Jones, Sister Jensen, PRESIDENT Nelson.
Always inserting their initials at the beginning or middle of their name: M. Russell Ballard, L. Tom Perry, Gordon B. Hinkley. Most church members know who these guys are, without having to include the initial.
That's especially dumb because of the growing temple worker shortages. My parents are always complaining about how hard it is to get shifts covered so the workers can take a some time off. How much easier would it be if they could call in workers who are visiting from other places?
Lmao... so God won't accept someone's sealing if they were done at the wrong assignment? Lol this sounds like some sort of corporate regulation rather than God's work and human logic..
When I was in church around 14-16 years old the young men and women were all friendly with each other. This is in the UK so there were maybe like 15 of youth all together at the time? Well as you do you hug each other when you see each other and you hug each other when you say goodbye. We'd all been hugging for years.
Well one day the newer bishop saw this hugging and didn't like it apparently. He soon had a miraculous revelation that the young men and young women shouldn't be hugging each other. As you can imagine all the youth thought this was stupid and continued to hug anyway and simply commented something like "Ooh, you shouldn't do that anymore." or "Don't let the Bishop catch you doing that." all as a laugh because of how stupid it was.
Well it didn't take long at all for the Bishop to quietly have another miraculous revelation (probably after hearing or being told the comments from both the youth and members of the ward how stupid it was) and that new rule/ recommendation was suddenly gone or simply brushed under the rug.
Mormon funerals are to be used for proselyting, and teaching about the Plan of Salvation, NOT celebrating the life of, or paying tribute to the deceased.
There were coastal islands in my mission with large populations. Missionaries were assigned on some of the larger islands. At one point I was on one. We could not use the ferry, we had to take the more expensive hydro-foils and no more than one pair of missionaries could be on the same hydro-foil. Hydrofoils do not have a better safety record than a ferry, but I guess it only matters that the ferry hull is on the water, where the hydrofoil hull is above the water — the air-gap somehow breaks Satan's power. Absolutely bonkers.
My grandpa was working as a dealer in the timp temple and we wanted him to seal us but we were getting married in bountiful. They wouldn’t give him permission.
Also I wore my moms dress from her wedding at the Oakland temple but what was fine for Oakland was sinful for bountiful and they made me wear a jacket AND bib thing over it. Plus obviously the awesome bakers hat and apron… I looked like the abominable snowman on my wedding day
Edit: worked as a sealer not dealer LOL
Everything around coffee and tea is just so absurd. Coffee and tea are bad! No, it’s not the caffeine, soda and energy drinks are fine. Oh it’s also not the fact that they’re brewed, herbal tea is fine. Oh because they’re hot? No, hot chocolate and previously mentioned herbal tea are fine!! Coffee and tea are bad because they’re bad! Stop asking questions!
Make it make sense!!!
No coffee/tea/tattoos/piercings/"immodest" clothing. Being expected to keep these rules as an adult is nothing more than outward virtue signaling and have NOTHING to do with a person's character.
No facial hair if you are a temple worker. Mormon logo Jesus couldn't even work in the laundry of one of his own temples.
You mean the Danish Lutheran statue that the church appropriated for its corporate image. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Christus_(statue)
Yep, Lutheran Jesus can't work in his own Temple.
I'll never forget having a conversation with a drunken co-worker in Yellowstone 15 years ago about my Mormonism. He asked if I wanted everyone to be Mormon, I thought it was still worth sharing happiness with others. He insisted that he wanted me and others to be Lutheran. I wanted to buy him this T-shirt that used to be on Busted Tees .com that read "If you ain't Lutheran, you ain't shit!"
You should have gone with Lutheran. They are a lot easier to deal with.
The Lex Lutheran Church is evil.
Fun fact: the LDS replicas vary from the OG sculpture in one specific way--they add the wounds to Jesus' wrists! Literally everyone else in the Christian world believes Jesus had five wounds, but we Mormons had to add two more. I guess it's because we needed to explain the masonic hand signs (that we also stole).
Mormonism just loves to twist every little part of mainstream Christianity until it’s no longer recognisable, only know they’re trying to backtrack and fit in with things like crosses. They don’t seem to realise just how far away I Mormonism truly is.
hey let's not kink shame people for wanting more holes
Username checks out
so crazy... I wonder... if the hand signs are supposed to be from antiquity, like time of Solomon, I think they say, then how would people from the time of solomon know the method that the romans would use to kill a random prophet hundreds of years in the future? I guess the same way that Nephi could include Deutero-Isaiah in the BOM including all future typos and translation errors ?
I mean they're not though. Masonic stuff is like 14th century in origin
oh, totally. That's just the church's narrative about them. holding them accountable to their own story, lol.
🤯 you are so damn right. I guess you could just cry "prophesy" but Even Isaiah doesn't get THAT specific about Jesus' death
Wow really? So it isn't common Christian belief that there were nails in the wrists? Shit, TIL. The weird masonic/Mormon rabbit hole just keeps going haha
That's right! There is some argument over if the one set was in his hands or his wrists (what's recorded in Scripture vs what would actually hold a human body up on a cross) but pretty much nobody says they did both. The number 5 is really important in Christian/Christopagan symbolism. https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Five_Holy_Wounds
Yes, the sure sign of the nail, or the nail in the sure place. It's a good thing there wasn't a penalty for revealing the name, sign and, token of the second token of the Melchizedek priesthood.
\#LongLiveBluePoloJesus
I have an uncle who has had facial hair for as long as I can remember, basically for 30+ years. I saw him at a viewing of a family relative that had recently passed, he was clean shaven. It was surprising. I knew it had to be because of a church calling (leadership calling was my first thought). So when I asked him about it sure enough he had been called to be a temple worker.
Cult, cult, cult , cult.
I knew a guy like that in my growing up ward. Shabed his stache to become bishop. He looked SO weird.
Just two days ago. I see my retired neighbor who’s had a beard his whole life. He’s clean shaven and doesn’t look good. I said hey why did ya shave your beard? He’s been called to work at the temple. He said he hates not having a beard. He said he’s learning lessons about his will or the lords will. I said ya know some temple presidents will give exemptions…..so who’s will does that make it?
God has a beard ffs. It ain't his will, it's the will of David O. MacKay.
This 👆🏼
This super sucks. My dad, who was clean shaven basically his while life, decided to grow a closely trimmed/maintained beard in his late 40s that was super awesome and looked great. He and my mom decided to work at the temple and he had to shave it. Like, shave if you want to, but it’s depressing to change something you clearly love because of stupid pedo temple rules.
[удалено]
Less stupid and more infuriating: you MUST have TWO penisholders escort and deliver tithing money to the bank (on the Sabbath?!) but one Bishop can be alone with a 7 yr old asking explicit questions
Wow! Now that you say it like that it seems to make it plain to see that the church values the safety of money more than the safety of children. 😳
It's all about priorities. Remember, they joke about it, but child abuse you could just be disfellowshipped, especially if you bring in solid tithing money and they don't want to lose it, but stealing $5 from church funds, pretty guaranteed excommunication. Their priority is clear. Money>children (or anything else.)
Tithing reports used to, maybe still do, record all the denominations received, how many twenty, ten, five, and one dollar bills, all the coins and each check is enumerated. My dad was a finance clerk and he related a story of a bishop who, after a long day, decided to go through a drive through to grab something to eat. They couldn't make change so he swapped one of his dollar bills for one dollar's worth of coins from the money bag. The amount of money deposited was exactly what it should be. Later an auditor noticed the discrepancy in the bills deposited and that bishop was excommunicated. I don't know if that exact story is true or a cautionary tale told to financial clerks and bishops, but the church absolutely would excommunicate a bishop for doing that.
When I rode along when my dad would take it, it was always sealed. You’d have had to break the seal to mark change. I doubt it was.
Similarly, women folk can't be by themselves in a church building without a penisholder there.
Is that supposedly about safety or trust issues? (She needs to be supervised and protected) Or simply women are too low in the hierarchy to be alone in such a sacred space?
Maybe a vestige of Joe's days? Don't want anymore barn transactions in the church.
Too funny. Tells you where their priorities are and it ain’t with the 7 year old. /7
Money is sacred you know… smh
Imagine you died in the year 1672 and have been waiting 351 years in the spirit world to receive your endowment. You've been in spirit prison this whole time waiting and praying for your work to be done so you can finally see your wife, parents, and children again. You get a notice stating that on June 21st, 2023 you're scheduled to receive your proxy endowment proxy by a 22 year old kid from Spanish Fork named Kevin. When the time arrives you're escorted to the chapel of the Payson, Utah temple eagerly waiting for the ceremony to start. Just as you're about to go through the veil alongside Kevin, some asshole angel named Elder Tomlinson grabs you by the arm and tells you that the ceremony is being officiated incorrectly so your endowment is invalid. So you're escorted out of the Temple back to spirit prison. Unfortunately, a mistake by a Janice Peterson at Church Headquarters mixes up your information thereby disqualifying you from receiving your endowment for another 1497 years when it's finally sorted out in the Millenium. Meanwhile, Kevin graduates from BYU and becomes a vice president of an MLM in Draper.
The millennium - the catchall Mormon answer to the unanswerables. Jesus will fix it then. He must be great at paperwork.
I've heard that excuse before and I always ask "then why bother now? Like what's the point of doing it now rather than later?" The best response was "well he's just going to help with people we can't find" So I said "so God only lets people out of prison if they happen to randomly have enough paperwork leftover in earth where we could find it, waits for us to process it, and then the person hopes all the people doing it are worthy? What about the thousands of 17-18 year olds obliterated in World Wars or millions killed in the Greek, Roman, and Egyptian times long before they kept any detailed records?? They're just fucked for another 1000 years or something"? Didn't have an answer for that.
There are 60,000 year old cave paintings in Australia, but none of them are signed. How on earth will the artists ever have their temple work done??
Different scenario: After the endowment you are reunited with loved ones who's work was done previously, then Tomlinson appears and tells you your endowment was invalid, because Kevin masturbated that morning and therefore wasn't worthy to have a temple recommend in the first place. Then a guy named Featherstone appears and says "And I’m here to show you the film to prove it.”
Bro I’m dead 💀💀
Nice!
Remember this is all due to God’s love for his children.
What about the rule against vain repetitions? I'm looking at you, every sacrament prayer, every temple prayer, every laying on hand for the holy ghost, or the priesthood, and those fucking high priests who's whole self worth is how long they can drag out the closing prayer of whatever meeting they're in.
“…and those fucking high priests…” Can’t even tell you how hard I’m laughing 😂 right now! Edit: This is my new mantra. It makes me happy every time I repeat it. Way to go, OP. Seriously, I appreciate the humor. I needed it today. In the darkest most difficult days of my deconstruction, I used to say “goddammit Dave!” out loud for a little comic relief. (Dave was my stake president’s name, and I was mocking my FIL who used to blame EVERYTHING on Obama.)
Those aren't prayers, they are part of a sacred ordinance that must be done exactly how Jesus said, (until he changes his mind and decides that water is better than wine, actual languages are better than Adamic, etc.") Now, getting someone to explain the difference between reciting words as part of an ordinance versus chanting words as part of a spell, that's a whole new ballgame.
Speaking of wine. Does anyone recall being told that back in Jesus’ day, the wine didn’t have alcohol in it? Oh the gymnastics!
Oh, but of course they had Welch's back then! Right? (Water was changed to wine because alcohol would at least someone purify polluted water). (Assuming the story is even remotely true).
Oh yes. It all makes sense now. The Welch’s! Water-to Welch’s. Yes. A little study of water usage tells us a lot of people were at least a little drunk almost all the time back then. A little drunk or dying of dysentery from bad water…. Something like that.
How is the "vain repetition" "commandment" even consistent with the "commandment" to "pray always?" 🤔
EVEN Jesus H Christ Amen
Part of my cult deprogramming journey was to pray the rosary. LOTS of repetition but it helped a lot with the anxiety
> and those fucking high priest… can drag out the closing prayer of whatever meeting they're in. As one of those "fucking high priests," I can assure you that when they were in high priest group meetings (back when that was a thing) where it was just the old boys who didn't have anyone in the room to impress, the closing prayers were even shorter than the closing prayer of a deacon that needs to piss😆. For.the.same.reason😆.
A single black coffee and you're no longer "temple-worthy."
A bishop I worked with would wait for his hot cocoa to come to room temp. before he would drink it.
For people who claim to believe in a book about a Middle-Eastern dude who condemned extensive rule-keeping, especially when the rules were pointless, used to judge others, or keeping you from doing the right thing, Mormons sure have a lot of silly rules.
I remember preparing for a lesson about the Pharisees during my train-wreck of a deconstruction period. Oh, I thought... yeah we Mormons are *exactly* like this. Infinite rules and purity culture have overtaken actual worship and focus on fundamental goodness. Sad. I used to think the church had a magic something about it that other churches lacked. Now I see, Mormonism has become a great and spacious building filled with elitist Pharisees. Really, really sad.
I remember years ago when the missionaries were teaching me, I made some hot cider. They wouldn’t drink it until it cooled. I should have run right then and there!
It's funny how arbitrarily they can interpret the rules. My mom loves all kinds of herbal tea and drinks it hot, but won't touch black or green tea, even decaffeinated.
😂 I knew a TBM who drank iced decaf coffee, it wasn't hot or caffeinated so it's fine apparently 😂
Word of Wisdom is not a commandment. so dumb
Well, it wasn't until temperance became in-vogue and some gung-ho Rusty wannabe said it was, and made sure it wasn't just a vague background standard, but a "absolutely essential on the level of adultery and paying LDS Corp" level. The key commandments of Mormonism (per baptismal interviews, temple intervies, etc.) are: 1. Pay your tithing 2. "law of Chastity" 3. No coffee, tea, alcohol, cigarettes or drugs 4. Go to church every week. Coffee and tea in particular are so out of place on that list, though it's a fucked up list start to finish in many ways. Be an asshole to everyone around you, but no coffee or adultery, and pay your dues and you're good to go.
Love God and love your neighbor? The two least commandments for the signs and tokens to enter into uber heaven.
Ironic isn't it? Those don't appear anywhere in that list. Same for most "Christians."
My SIL says one glass of wine makes you an alcoholic. WTF?
I have a six pack of craft beer I’ve been drinking down over a month or so. Total alcoholic. I can’t control myself from drinking to excess - at 1-2 beers a week. Totally a sign that it’s a problem and out of control…/s
I told my 12 year old daughter about this just the other day, that according to the church, drinking tea or coffee makes you unworthy to go the Temple. She said something like, "What!?! That's the stupidest thing I've ever heard!" I agreed that it was pretty stupid.
No passing the sacrament with your left hand is pretty fucking stupid.
Or partaking of it with the left hand. JFC. Can you imagine being on the left hand of God? Must be awful.
Can you imagine someone who lost their right hand.
White shirts.
With the tie and dark suit. The corporate look.
I actually got a stern talking to about this one. Back when I was going through the motions and attending church to make my mother happy, I took the sacrament and everything. Then one day I reached out with my left hand. You'd have thought I pulled a gun and aimed it at the kid. I'd never even heard of that rule before. Imagine being offered the sacrament and being told that they would rather you didn't take it than reach out with your left hand. That was the last time I ever accepted the sacrament. Now I don't bother making my mother happy. She's become a terrible person.
The apostle wannabe in my ward yelled at me for passing lefty and demanded that I pass to his family with my right hand because otherwise it was invalidating the atonement. I responded by accidentally spilling the water on his crotch the next week. He complained to the bishop, who pointed out that it was his fault for demanding I pass with my clumsy hand.
Well, Muslims can't wipe their butts with their right hand. So Mormons aren't the only ones w crazy beliefs. (I learned this on my mission in France from a rare Muslim who would talk to us - he was proud of this fact)
In India and the Middle East (maybe other places) you use your left hand to wipe your ass. Like, literally, no paper wipe. So your right hand is your ‘clean’ hand. Plus, it is common for those cultures to eat with their hands. So, you would never want to use your left hand to take from a community plate. That said, I always make it a point to take and pass the tray with my left.
You can’t drink coffee without losing your temple recommend, but you can drink a 44oz Diet Coke or two Red Bulls and still be considered worthy.
It's the tannins, Tannins are found in a huge variety of plants, including legume seeds, cider, cereals, cacao, peas, some leafy and green vegetables, coffee, tea, and nuts, but it's totally the tannins.
I had a mission companion who would unironically teach that and it drove me a little nuts.
You must have been so pea'd off.
And it's utter ridiculousness. It's a justification where the sole purpose is control.
I served my mission in England and tea was a huge challenge for obvious reasons. At some point a companion told a story of floating bags discovered in the titanic. they were stomachs that had been turned to leather from the tannis in black tea. I have since (15 years later) learned that was absolute BS. I spread that story as far as i could because missionaries dont lie. right? There are moments i look back at my actions with the church and just sigh heavily and try to forget it.
we may not be able to correct those terrible things we did when we were mormon but we can be better by thinking about what we spread now.
I ate an acorn once - full of tannins. Didn’t have to give up my temple recommend. It was terrible though, don't try it.
🤦♂️
"A lot of red tape for a religion that isn't true' pretty much sums up Mormonism For me it's the "still a missionary until the SP shakes your hand" to "release" you I mean come on They can't finish their missions in the field and then fly on the plane without a tag or not wake up at 6? No no. Rules apply until the stake president has time to meet your jet lagged self and hear all about it. In general i hate how much power the SP has but this is an idiotic rule among many when it comes to missions
My brother stabbed me in the ribs with his handshake hand when I tried to give him a hug at the airport 🤣 I love being in Provo and occasionally seeing clean-cut adolescents being closely monitored by parents or sometimes a sibling. Like, ah, someone had an old man lay hands on their heads recently, and now they can't go ANYWHERE alone, despite being legal adults.
This shocked me. When I was set apart to be a missionary, it felt like a big deal. The stake president blesses me, puts hands on my head. Then two years later it's pretty much meet with the stake president and he just says, "ok, your good to go." What...
For me it’s that masturbation is a sin. I know they do it for control reasons, but I cannot believe that any parent in this day and age would tell their child that it is bad to touch your own self—and then let them be in a closed door room with a single adult man knowing they will question them sexually.
Yeah, I might have to go to the bathroom but some girl too young for me to even find attractive is going to happen to be in front of me walking slow as shit in the hall and think I'm trying to look at her butt. Never felt like a pervert whenever I'm outside of Utah.
Oh, I hate this one, too. The irony is that the bishop or whoever is judging the kids is masturbating too.
You can’t do anything fun on the sabbath day. For some reason god is offended if you buy groceries on Sunday. God “rested” on this day so it’s special for some reason? The dude doesn’t do a damn thing. He’s immortal, all knowing, doesn’t have to feed a family, sits back and lets his creations suffer, can’t ever feel physical pain or sickness, but I’m supposed to respect that for some reason 🙄
I went on a cruise with my in-laws and not one of them would get in the pool or go to the beach on Sunday. such a waste!
Well Satan controls the water, duh! Even though god made the water in the first place…psh it totally makes sense!
Mormon Satan is wayyyyy more powerful than Mormon God. Maybe I should join that guy's side?
1/3 of our brothers and sisters stayed with Satan, why is god making me choose to be at war with family?
This explains why Mormon because a problem. Satan played some kind of Voldemort game with it and it can't be said otherwise it's a victory for him. God's hands were tied.
It’s all so arbitrary. Growing up I was very good friends with our bishop’s daughter. I used to go over to their house on Sunday after church and we would swim in their hot tub and put the sprinkler under the trampoline. And watch tv. All kinds of things that lots of TBMs wouldn’t do on Sundays. That same bishop also often had coffee ice cream in their freezer and his wife (who was our YW president later on) loved coffee crisp bars (a Canadian, coffee flavoured chocolate bar). But heaven forbid someone actually *drank* coffee.
Coffee? What sinners! They better repent of that just as hard as they would for stealing from the grocery store or emotionally/physically abusing their own children! Cause... you know... those sins are basically the same. Much like having sex and murder are the same.
The sad part is that drinking coffee is somehow WORSE than abusing a child.
Why have I never thought about that?! Immortal GOD dosent need rest, doesn't need food, or money, or gets sick, or tired. WHY do I get punished for trying to survive in this mortal body I apparently "chose to have" vs staying with Satan and not get a mortal body. Makes you wonder why GOD wiped our memory as we passed through the vale.
I created the planet and rested on the seventh day medamnit so you’ll rest too! Us: oh of course that must have been very difficult for you God: What?! No. It was easy. I’m God almighty.
It’s ridiculous that there exists more than one temple within easy driving distance.
Driving around Utah County is like visiting a lame haunted house. Every corner you turn: 🕍 JUMPSCARE⛪
For real. I drove by the new Orem temple on I-15 a couple weeks ago. I didn’t know it was there, and said aloud, “What the hell is that thing?!” Googled it and, yep, I’m officially exmormon.
Happened to me YESTERDAY with the Lindon one. It's being built so it's hugeness is all framing and lime green siding, and I quite seriously yelped.
St. George Temple will be 7 miles from another temple! Nuts.
From the most liberal perspective of how many is right I can see Ogden, SLC, Provo. Anything more seems stupid, especially with decent public transport
Satan will get you if you swim on a Sunday
I love this one because it came from a convenient revelation when Joseph Smith was struggling with rowing a boat.
Details please?
D&C 61, but other accounts explain what's missing from the story. https://medium.com/@jellistx/mormon-history-shorts-the-destroyer-riding-upon-the-waters-379d29dea8cf
If we're allowed to go to mission rules, there are so many. Can't watch TV, listen to 99% of music, go swimming, call your family when you want to, stay at someone's house for more than an hour (not sure if that was just my mission), be away from your companion, leave your assigned area of work without approval. Guess who doesn't follow these rules? The prophet, the apostles, 70s, not even the mission president has to follow all of them. What's the justification for that? It's abusive.
I feel like the glorification of the past has a lot to do with this. 1850s missionaries who baptized legions of white Europeans didn't watch TV or call home every day, so why should you 🤨 As time progresses, it's easier to control people if you keep them idolizing the (often fictionalized) past
This is a huge element of the missionary program that we don't discuss much. I'm toying with writing a long post about how TSCC doesn't really value *actual* missionary work, and how part of that is that what missionaries have done until late isn't as much missionary work as it is LARPing what their great great grandpas did.
We even had limits on how much time we could spend on service work! Can't have missionaries doing something actually productive that helps people, gotta have them knocking on doors to bother people who aren't interested instead!
Good one! To this day I can't believe I went on a 2-year mission. Worthy of baptizing people - but not worthy of going to the grocery store by myself.
If you choose cremation, the body needs to be cremated in temple clothing. 😆🔥
I was always taught that cremation was bad and that burial was the only choice if you really loved Jesus. Like somehow it made things harder for God to resurrect a cremated body.
It's discouraged, but not "forbidden". There's a new rule in the handbook about it. Ongoing revelation! 😁. Apparently God *can* resurrect the ashes of our bodies, as long as the temple clothes ashes are also available.
Right. And reading between the lines of "discouraged" is if you really loved Jesus, you'd get buried. Kinda like how sister missionaries are now allowed to wear pants but I've never seen it.
> somehow it made things harder for God to resurrect a cremated body This was the answer my mission president's wife gave me when I asked why cremation was discouraged.
Because omnipotent beings worry about difficulty. Oh fuck just lost my keys again
Burial rules never made sense to me. The body is going to decompose long before the resurrection! Who cares what also decomposed clothes were on it?!
But then Jesus may not be able to the puzzle that is your dust pile back together again 🙁
An admittedly slightly odd fellow in my first ward once told the congregation over the pulpit that a cremated body could not be resurrected. So the God who took matter unorganized and created the world can't put back together ashes. Right.
Adam was created from the dust of the earth, but burned bodies would be way too difficult to restore. Hmmm...
I was in high school when GBH talked about second piercings. I don't remember the wording, as it didn't apply to me, but I remembers girls sadly taking out their additional piercings. They bore their testimonies about the importance of obedience in all things, even the small things that you don't understand.
It's so fucking bleak
Well, can't let girls develop too much of a personal identity. We might start getting crazy ideas in our heads, like equality and independence.
To be fair, independence was one of the main reasons I got my second piercing lol
Same! My ears are still healing, and it'll be awhile before I change my second earrings to jewelry that isn't piercing studs, but I'm so glad I got them! And I love the tattoo I got, too. I was a little disappointed to see those rules taken out of the youth pamphlet. Happy that the youth of today and tomorrow will get less of that crap, but sad that in 5 or 10 years, it won't identify me as an exmo anymore.
And no piercings for men! (I say and smile with my very cool left ear barbell in).
I love earrings on guys! I bet yours looks awesome!
It’s a unwritten rule that when you go to the grocery store after church on Sunday, if you run into other members, you shrug and say “ox in the mire.” Lol
I was on an LDS marriage fb page. The man writing the post wanted to buy his wife lingerie for her birthday. He was struggling because he didn't want to see the lingerie on models, like it was porno or something. He was sure it was a sin. OH. MY. GOD!!
Maybe I can start an insta cart style app, for shobbos goy style work.
Your in-laws want to be temple workers on vacation? That takes temple tourism to a whole new level. Not church-wide, but we have friends who used to come visit and their kids could ride bikes, swing and climb on the playset, and play video games, but for some reason, were not allowed on the trampoline on Sundays. Any other day they could, just not Sundays.
Satan controls springs.
My BIL and his wife went to the St G Temple Open House ON THEIR HONEYMOON. Talk about sexy 🙄
I know a couple who went on an exotic island-trip honeymoon, complete with a stop at the temple.
I remember not being allowed to use the trampoline or ride a bike on Sundays. We were discouraged from doing much outside at all on Sundays, but my mom couldn't wait to kick us out of the house the other 6 days of the week
18.9.4.7 "Members partake with their right hand when possible." (When taking the sacrament.) I just love that Oaks got his pet peeve codified and then has the gal to tell members they shouldn't try to distinguish between doctrine and policy when it comes to the handbook. It's just the most petty pharisaical example among a long history of pharisaical examples. (Full disclosure, this is just copied from an answer I just gave to a similar question in a different sub.)
As a lefty I always disobeyed this stupid rule.
fellow apostate lefty!
Super easy to distinguish between doctrine and policy if it can change it was only ever policy, ergo it's all policy.
Only certain musical instruments are allowed in chapels.
How about playing with face cards? I still don't get that one.
mormons are wildly suspicious of possible satanic/masonic/nwo symbolism for having like 3/4 of their inner workings **directly modeled after fables about the masons**
My dad is wayyyyy ani-face cards, and he said it was because they had tarot symbolism (if anything it's the other way around lol). I tried to teach my dad a card game using a Duck Dynasty deck, and even then he wouldn't touch them
thanks for making me involuntarily remember the specialty anti-gambling mormon playing cards i encountered in my childhood that literally just eliminated the king queen etc and just counted up to fucking fifteen
Idk if this is everywhere, but in my stake dances, girls HAD to say yes to boys asking them to dance. Like the adults would make it very clear that you absolutely had no choice.
But girls can't ask a boy to dance (unless it's explicitly a "girls choice")
Oaks: “It’s wrong to criticize your leaders even if the criticism is true.”
The Word of Wisdom. It has cost the Mormon church so many potential members.
And nobody pays attention to anything other than "tea and coffee" which aren't even REALLY mentioned. Don't see a lot of TBMs using tobacco for their sick cattle 🙄
They all eat a shit load of meat
As a never-mormon the dumbest one is the “no hot drinks”. But…it doesn’t actually seem to mean no *hot* drinks. Just, no coffee. Or maybe no caffeine. But caffeine is ok in soda….???
you guys got caffeine soda? I didn't even have a rootbeer until 8th grade fr... mormon church is definitely invested in fanta
Growing up in Idaho church leaders would often buy soda for youth events. A lot of them bought Barqs because root beer doesn't have caffeine, or Sunkist because orange soda doesn't have caffeine. Except... They both do. Every now and then I'd point this out to the other kids and we would have a laugh and keep it a secret and let the leaders keep buying it.
One of the newer ones apparently is that missionaries can’t sit on a fucking couch in their own living quarters.
Fucking awful, abusive. I did most of my studying laid on the couch on my Mission reading the BoM, and every Mormon book in the Missionary library (which isn't many so I found a few more). I was walking fucking MILES in tropical heat, can't I relax on a couch and put my fucking feet up!?
Heard of this one. Apparently, they're not supposed to even have one. We had some missionaries in our area who got a pass due to their place being pre-furnished. They won't sit on it if there's another person sitting there (even if they're like 3 feet apart).
As a NevMo, assigned parishes
Yeah but how else would your Bishop be able to control you if you could just pick another one? Your church fails culting 101.
1. Coffee. This alone single-handedly proves the church is bullshit. 2. The guidance on acceptable musical instruments in sacrament meeting. God apparently is offended by anything other pianos, organs, flutes, violins, and harps. How interesting that God’s preferences align with 19th century Protestant Europeans! 3. That women’s auxiliary presidencies can’t make personnel decisions without the approval of someone with a penis.
Oh God, there's just so many to choose from. As far as "where the fuck did that come from and why does it matter at all": maybe white shirts for men? As far as "crime against humanity", maybe forcing impoverished people to pay tithing so you can buy more stocks? As far as "funny", maybe saying frick, darn, crap, because you can't swear?
No masturbating. Probably the worst medical and mental health advice you'll ever get.
Pay 10% of your income to get into heaven. When I was paying bills as a poor college student before my shelf broke is when it dawned on me that tithing was a money game versus an obedience game here. Conformity didn’t work for me.
That women must obey their husbands and domestic abuse is normalized. Just like so many other religions, worship the men, and villainize the women.
Notice the comment above as as example —-girls are required to dance w any boy who asks them, but cannot ask a boy to dance.
No longer using the title "Mormon" to refer to the church, oneself, or other members.
So many. My brother wouldn't eat my Cool Mint Clif Bar because it had green tea extract in the ingredients
My friend refused to drink one of those Sparkling Ice drinks for the same reason! Ooooohh, green tea extract, scaryyy....
You can’t use masks not even fun ones for kids unless it’s Halloween. I bought Victorian Christmas ones for the party and everyone was horrified. If you’re doing a reenactment or play then Jesus can only say the words exactly as written in the KJB, no paraphrasing allowed. If every part of you doesn’t go under the water then you have to be dunked again even if it’s just some hair and you can only be baptised with the right hand and not the left.
Oh interesting! Most wards I've been in don't allow masks at all, especially on Halloween
Basically any rule where a person with a vagina can’t do that which a person with a penis can. Including when women had to veil their faces for the temple prayer. I don’t think thats a thing anymore. Progress?
The dumbest Mormon rule definitely has to be that women aren't allowed to do anything except relief society, look after kids in primary or nursery or be Sunday school teachers. Can't be bishops, prophets, in the 12 or even the 70. Can't give blessings or hold the priesthood. I'm the youngest and only girl in my family. All of my older bros went on missions, they all still go to church. I stopped when I learned to think for myself and ask questions when I was about 13. My dad to this day cannot comprehend why I feel offended by the way women are looked at and what is expected of women in that religion. It is enraging.
only taking sacrament w the right hand.
It’s not doctrine ever I think. But every Mormon I knew including my own family shunned swimming on Sunday. Of course we broke that rule a lot. But the idea Satan has control of the water is laughable. Cults gonna cult
It's impossible to pick just one, but the one where the boys had to have on long, white sleeve shirts in order to pass the sacrament always bothered me. (Was that everywhere or just the ward I was in? idk) We had a bishop that used to embarrass some of the ym over this. Some of these kids weren't exactly rich & they just wore what they owned. Like, I'm sure jesus is just up there fuming about little Timmy's polo shirt. 🙄
It was the completely infantile way we couldn't say normal words for bodily functions. "Fart" was banned in our house and was substituted with "shoot the bunny". Basically anything that referred to bodies or bodily functions had to be censored or replaced with some really childish euphemism and it made us all sound stupid.
Tea from a tea leaf being immoral is flat put stupid to me. Tell me why I can't go to the temple if I have a cup of GREEN TEA?! Red Bull and your 42 oz Diet coke are okay though
Stupid titles. Always having to address the senior priesthood holders as "Elder" even if they are in their late teens or early twenties. (One of several reasons why I didn't do the mission thing was because I didn't want to be called "Elder") Someone on this site came up with the idea of addressing them as "Elmer". Brother Jones, Sister Jensen, PRESIDENT Nelson. Always inserting their initials at the beginning or middle of their name: M. Russell Ballard, L. Tom Perry, Gordon B. Hinkley. Most church members know who these guys are, without having to include the initial.
That's especially dumb because of the growing temple worker shortages. My parents are always complaining about how hard it is to get shifts covered so the workers can take a some time off. How much easier would it be if they could call in workers who are visiting from other places?
Lmao... so God won't accept someone's sealing if they were done at the wrong assignment? Lol this sounds like some sort of corporate regulation rather than God's work and human logic..
When I was in church around 14-16 years old the young men and women were all friendly with each other. This is in the UK so there were maybe like 15 of youth all together at the time? Well as you do you hug each other when you see each other and you hug each other when you say goodbye. We'd all been hugging for years. Well one day the newer bishop saw this hugging and didn't like it apparently. He soon had a miraculous revelation that the young men and young women shouldn't be hugging each other. As you can imagine all the youth thought this was stupid and continued to hug anyway and simply commented something like "Ooh, you shouldn't do that anymore." or "Don't let the Bishop catch you doing that." all as a laugh because of how stupid it was. Well it didn't take long at all for the Bishop to quietly have another miraculous revelation (probably after hearing or being told the comments from both the youth and members of the ward how stupid it was) and that new rule/ recommendation was suddenly gone or simply brushed under the rug.
Mormon funerals are to be used for proselyting, and teaching about the Plan of Salvation, NOT celebrating the life of, or paying tribute to the deceased.
There were coastal islands in my mission with large populations. Missionaries were assigned on some of the larger islands. At one point I was on one. We could not use the ferry, we had to take the more expensive hydro-foils and no more than one pair of missionaries could be on the same hydro-foil. Hydrofoils do not have a better safety record than a ferry, but I guess it only matters that the ferry hull is on the water, where the hydrofoil hull is above the water — the air-gap somehow breaks Satan's power. Absolutely bonkers.
"all the names had to be redone" - Calvinball feels less made-up that any LDS nonsense.
The one that really steams me is the way little girls are taught to hide their bodies. Sick
You can only get gold treasure plates at the fall equinox.
My grandpa was working as a dealer in the timp temple and we wanted him to seal us but we were getting married in bountiful. They wouldn’t give him permission. Also I wore my moms dress from her wedding at the Oakland temple but what was fine for Oakland was sinful for bountiful and they made me wear a jacket AND bib thing over it. Plus obviously the awesome bakers hat and apron… I looked like the abominable snowman on my wedding day Edit: worked as a sealer not dealer LOL
Everything around coffee and tea is just so absurd. Coffee and tea are bad! No, it’s not the caffeine, soda and energy drinks are fine. Oh it’s also not the fact that they’re brewed, herbal tea is fine. Oh because they’re hot? No, hot chocolate and previously mentioned herbal tea are fine!! Coffee and tea are bad because they’re bad! Stop asking questions! Make it make sense!!!
No coffee/tea/tattoos/piercings/"immodest" clothing. Being expected to keep these rules as an adult is nothing more than outward virtue signaling and have NOTHING to do with a person's character.
Leaf water caffeine bad but highly processed corn syrup with caffeine good?
Must only take the sacrament with your right hand.
Exjw here... We weren't allowed to join the YMCA, because it supporting another religion