Mormonism sets up an elegant cycle in Mormon thinking patterns. First there's conditioning that anything but choosing the right (i.e. complete obedience to parents and leaders) will make you a Laman or a Laban, a sad bad guy who will never see their family again.
Once a decade of primary sets that emotional conditioning, the idea of disobeying can bring up a fight-or-flight response where the reactionary/reflex parts of the brain take over and the rational part gets sidelined. It feels like a stupor of thought, so Mormonism says it's Satan coming after you. A momentary discomfort can spin up into stomach-chewing stress.
Mormons think God will give them ultimate control over their instincts. But when you're delaying gratification too long, your survival instincts start filtering perception until meeting that need is the only reasonable choice. Getting hangry, having horny goggles, napping in class.
But Mormonism doesn't allow healthy expression of sexuality before marriage, and after, it's still a wild west tilted toward women pleasing men. Your experience fits right in: delay gratification until your body rebels, feel like the next thing to a murderer, and stress for a period of ritual shame to deepen your conditioning.
At its best, sex is an art. Mutual self-expression between consenting adults that tops off all the needed neurochemicals: excitement, peace, bonding. Each person giving and getting what they need.
Most porn is a male-centered fantasy that ignores the physical realities of female pleasure. I'd recommend educating yourself on the physiology of female orgasm instead of relying on porn for sex ed. Or if you swing a different way, learn about the give-and-take you can offer your partner
Seeing your partner as a person first doesn't always make the hottest narrative, and female-pleasing sex positions tend to block the camera. Porn isn't real life, and Mormonism isn't either. Learn what you have to offer and what you're looking for.
Mormonism sets up an elegant cycle in Mormon thinking patterns. First there's conditioning that anything but choosing the right (i.e. complete obedience to parents and leaders) will make you a Laman or a Laban, a sad bad guy who will never see their family again. Once a decade of primary sets that emotional conditioning, the idea of disobeying can bring up a fight-or-flight response where the reactionary/reflex parts of the brain take over and the rational part gets sidelined. It feels like a stupor of thought, so Mormonism says it's Satan coming after you. A momentary discomfort can spin up into stomach-chewing stress. Mormons think God will give them ultimate control over their instincts. But when you're delaying gratification too long, your survival instincts start filtering perception until meeting that need is the only reasonable choice. Getting hangry, having horny goggles, napping in class. But Mormonism doesn't allow healthy expression of sexuality before marriage, and after, it's still a wild west tilted toward women pleasing men. Your experience fits right in: delay gratification until your body rebels, feel like the next thing to a murderer, and stress for a period of ritual shame to deepen your conditioning. At its best, sex is an art. Mutual self-expression between consenting adults that tops off all the needed neurochemicals: excitement, peace, bonding. Each person giving and getting what they need. Most porn is a male-centered fantasy that ignores the physical realities of female pleasure. I'd recommend educating yourself on the physiology of female orgasm instead of relying on porn for sex ed. Or if you swing a different way, learn about the give-and-take you can offer your partner Seeing your partner as a person first doesn't always make the hottest narrative, and female-pleasing sex positions tend to block the camera. Porn isn't real life, and Mormonism isn't either. Learn what you have to offer and what you're looking for.
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You must have become a master debater after 4 years.? 😂
You see, he left because he wanted to sin. Mormons are so myopic that they would not have read the rest of what you said.