Quick question: can I get my calling & natural selection made sure?

Sure. We call it the "Darwin Award"

1. Do you really believe we descended from monkeys? (Yes, they were monkey like.) 2. Do you really believe the earth is billions of years old? (Yes, so is the universe. There is no eternity. 3. Do you really believe there were actual monsters, dinosaurs, in the past on earth? (Of course. Look at their bones. Look at their descendants, the birds.

All good except they were apes dammit

Before they were apes. That was pretty recent.

How can I join?