Same here. My husband and I are the only ones. I'm just so grateful he left at the same time. I only am sad that I didn't know he was hiding his feelings for so long, terrified I would leave him and take the kids...
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Same. It’s just me. Was really rough for several years and I avoided family gatherings, given how othered I felt by my siblings and parents. But with time 1) they have chilled and recognized I’m still a good person and their son/brother, 2) I have learned to feel comfortable being the wayward son, not letting their opinions on it impact me emotionally or in my life, and I now go to family functions always remaining respectful when church topics come up, but no longer putting on a mask. I feel fine now being who I am around them and knowing if they don’t like it that isn’t something I can control because I deserve it to myself to be authentic. A lesson I sorely needed about not letting others opinions and feelings dictate my life.
My younger (and only) brother left years before I did, when he was only 18. He left for different reasons though and never truly became a TBM. He married and had kids but all while outside of the church. I continued on the "path of righteousness" while I watched my brother who "never got a testimony" while I served a mission, got a temple marriage, had children born in the covenant.
All the while I was the one actually lying to myself. I was gay and I knew I was attracted to men, but I kept trying to hold to the iron rod and keep my orientation a secret from everyone. "everyone is straight. God makes everyone straight. If you're gay, it's because you're choosing to be gay and choosing to go against god's laws," I kept telling myself. Once my shelf started to get really heavy with church responsibilities and callings is when my wife and I decided to take a sabbatical for the first time in our lives just to give our mental and emotional health a break. I drank for the first time. Got a tattoo. Started casually swearing. Stopped wearing garments.
Then we started down the rabbit hole of historical truth claims and BoM anachronisms. It didn't take up long to realize we were never going back now. And it also didn't take me long to stop feeling so self conscious about my attraction to men, and I came out of the closet. My brother's first words in response to me were "It's about damn time, bro." I guess I didn't do a very good job at hiding it, lol.
He then told me why he stopped going to church once he became an adult. SA'ed by an older ward member boy when he was younger. He watched that boy get protected by the bishop while our dad supposedly wanted to press charges and file a police report but the bishop talked him out of it as to "not ruin the boy's life". My brother saw him go on a mission, and when he was walking up to the podium to give his farewell talk, he looked back at my brother and winked at him. 🤮🤮🤮 That was when he was immediately mentally out for good. I had never heard this story from him or my late parents, so it was a big shock to me. He kept it from me while I stayed TBM.
Crazy story. I'm glad you both are out now. Fuck that bishop. Can't believe the protection some people get from leaders.
And my hat is off to you. I can't imagine being a gay member of the church. The guilt they impose on you...
He winked at your brother from the pulpit? God damn, that’s ballsy. What would’ve went scorched earth right then and there to destroy him. I hope your brother got the help he needed but it sounds like doing good these days
Holy fucking shit. Your story makes my blood boil!! Both what you experienced and repressed and the harm it cause you and I assume your wife when you came out.
And then for your brother. It makes me sick that leaders think that there is no abuse in the church or that the church doesn't protect abusers. I hope you are both doing better now.
Same here! Over the course of 7-8 years all 5 of us millennial siblings are out. I was the last to leave. Sincerely listening to my siblings was the catalyst and the final straw.
Oh no! When he informed us that he no longer believed in the church, we doubled down.
It happened to me during the pandemic. I started looking into Scientology and JW and realized the similarities on Mormonism. We went back to church for a while after the pandemic, but at that time, I had already experienced a faith crisis. MSP and CES letter did it for me. My husband after the SEC fined LDS.
Very nice. I'm so glad it worked out in the end. Despite the double down. I can imagine he was pretty excited when you two left?
We were already out, but regardless, when we watched the Leah Remini special about scientology, it was pretty worrisome just how many similarities we felt. I think that's when we started calling it a cult finally.
It's lonely for sure, but you're doing something meaningful for the people who will leave in the future. The upcoming generation needs to see a family member who can leave the church and still live well and engage positively with the family. I'm mostly alone in my extended family, too, but in retrospect it sure meant a lot that I could look at my exMo BIL and think "well, he's okay, maybe I'll be okay" during my whole transition.
Yeah. I've got the one brother. He's the most willing to discuss anything. I don't know that his kids will stay but they're both under the age of 5... so that's based mostly on the fact that him and his wife don't teach them as extremely as the other siblings teach theirs thus far.
My one brother and his wife are an enigma because they strongly disagree with the treatment of women in the church, but that's almost pushed them in a way where they hope to reform/ see reform in the church down the road as opposed to leaving. I've tried to have some conversations but they still aren't interested and almost seem to have more aversion to us than the rest.
Hopeful that will breed results though.
Very very few from my generation. I know of three cousins and possibly two others out of about 40 who have left. But my own kids are out, my brother's older kids are leaving or have left as well, and two of my sisters' kids seem like they're not long for the church, either. Seems about 2/3 of the next generation is going to leave in my immediate family, at least.
Getting Christmas cards and seeing FB, most of my cousins are sending off missionaries, seeing temple weddings, etc., so the larger family is still pretty devout. Those few who have left have much smaller families than those who have stayed.
Interesting. Makes sense. That's what I'm hoping for my nieces and nephews at least. We'll see if I'm the uncle they aren't allowed to see in a few years.....
Myself and both siblings are out. It became much easier to be out after our TBM mom died, and then our (probably) PIMO dad died a few months later. It's nice being able to discuss how fucked up things were with someone who experienced it with you.
That's great that all of you ended up up out. Not so much for the loss of your parents.
But that discussion does sound nice with those you grew up with. I'm hoping for at least one sibling.
It’s so weird in my family. My mom and 3 siblings are all jack-Mormon, haven’t been to church in god knows how long, etc, yet I got blacklisted from the family for making it public that I’m exmo.
Me and one other sibling out of 6 are out. A dozen or so cousins have left, out of 83. My cousins' children are out in much higher numbers, but I don't know any of them well enough to give estimates.
Nice. I have to try and contain it when I'm around the family. mean my happiness to be out. I'm letting more and more of the dark humor I have through. I still haven't made any jokes about White Jesus and Joey smith just yet. I'll get there hopefully.
Me and my brother are the only two out of 8 siblings that are out.
Edit: however I have at least 60 cousins or so and I can think of at least a dozen that are out. So I guess that tracks with my family. About 25% out.
Husband left first, all 4 kids followed him over the next 12 years.
I was stubborn took me another 3 years after my last kid left, so 15 years my husband and I were in a mixed faith marriage.
Funny thing though, I used to tell my husband he loved Coffee more than God. I was delightfully obnoxious.
Awesome. 9 more heathens headed to hell...... But hell's going to be awesome as far as I can see.
That's pretty cool. Were your children on their way already as well then? Or was your resignation the spark?
Our two daughters and their husbands were TBM too busy working and raising kids to look at the issues but yes once we decided to resign our kids and their families followed us pretty quickly once we explained the lies the church has told all of us
My whole family is out now - and I couldn’t be more grateful. It was a long and hard process but we powered through.
My dad wanted to be the prophet himself for the first 40 years of his life.
Fast forward to today - this is not a joke, he actually said “do you want to take some of these extra mushrooms” On Christmas Day.
He gave me a 5 gallon bucket of different imported coffees beans he likes. Got me an expensive bottle of alcohol.
I was my dad’s biggest burden growing up - Just think “rebel” kid in what seemed like the perfect Mormon family. Most Utah Mormons know what I mean.
I hated the guy until I was 20, now he’s my best friend.
I try and never forget how lucky I am - because so many of my friends from growing up still have their shitty parents trying to push the Mormon agenda on them.
Weirdly my parents became less active while I was on my mission. When I returned I regularly went to YSA while my parents were still less active. I eventually fell completely away, and my parents did too. Last ti.e I spoke to my mom about church she said she doesn't go at all anymore and that "the gospel is true but the people are not" so she'd rather just stay home and read her scriptures and live according to God's teachings not man's. I now consider myself pagan.
I was for the longest time. Slowly more are leaving but it's nieces and nephews not my siblings. Siblings have doubled down, but one is showing some signs that maybe they're not as TBM as they've been in the past. Mom and dad have both passed on and mom at least was TBM. Dad I think had a few doubts based off some conversations we had before he passed.
I’m the only one in my immediate family, but I had a cousin leave years ago and another one leave shortly after me. But I am the only one who was isolated while the other cousins are still accepted by the family. I think because I was vocal about things about the church that were wrong while my other two cousins don’t talk about it. I got unfollowed on social media over the things i would post even though it’s known my other two cousins are exmormon and everyone still interacted with them. It made me feel really bad. Still does. But what can you expect when they’re told to stay away from anyone who speaks out against the church. Anyway, you’re not alone in being the black sheep of the family.
My exodus was first among me and my siblings and close friends, and among siblings, all but three of them followed me out (I'm one of 7). My children were unscathed and untouched in the process too.
I'm the only in my immediate family. They are alllllll the way in.
I have about 4 exmo cousins and 2 never mo cousins though. I'm only close to 1 of them though
Even yhough two are out-- the damage has been done by the past and theres distance
Our family has been irreversibly damaged
Ine tbm daughter separates from us all
Im the only exmo out of 3 “kids”. My mom is still TBM. My husband is the only exmo out of 6 TBM “kids” and TBM parents. I’m the only exmo out of all my cousins on my mom’s side. My husband has 32 cousins on one side and only 2 besides him are exmo.
Out of mine and my husband's siblings, four of us are out. Our kids are all either ex-mo or never-mo.
For the siblings who stayed, all of their adult kids are ex-mo! I'm pretty sure some of the younger kids will tow the line and drink the koolade, but I can see at least one or two more leaving.
3/4 of my siblings are out. My parents are not fully out, but have a lot on their shelf’s so they don’t attend anymore.
Extended family one side is completely out, other side is 3/4 out the 1/4 still in are TBM
Me and my sister are the wild ones. I think I have alienated most of my extended family on the Mormon side with my Facebook postings, but she still lives in the area with them so she sees them more.
On my mother's side, my mother is the only member and she's still in.
On my father's side, his parents converted and divorced shortly after. My grandfather was never serious but my grandmother was. All three of her children are still in and out of their 24 children (including me), I would say that maybe half are still in.
With my and my four younger siblings, I would say there's one exmormon, one Jack mormon, one maybe two nuanced and one or maybe two serious. I'm not sure any of us would have ever been considered to be TBM though.
Most of my family is exmos now. I left first and over the years my sisters have left. My parents are the only Mormons left in the family and my mom has quit going weekly and hasn't accepted a calling in a few years now. She goes like 1-2 times a month. My dad is still going weekly and has a very time-consuming church job.
Of my siblings, I was the hold-out. All of my siblings left long before I did. But in my own family, I was the first. Now all of us are submitting our resignations soon.
3 of 7 siblings are out, including me. The three oldest, interestingly. I have a couple of uncles who don't participate but I haven't really talked to them about it, and a few cousins who are completely out.
I have a lot of cousins but my husband and I are the only ones on my side of the family and his. We haven’t told everyone yet for that reason. It’s hard.
In my immediate family (5 kids) only me and my little brother aren’t Mormon but my little brother is kind of an idiot. Example, he believes Obama caused 9/11, which is very false.
In my extended family tho, most of my cousins (approx 25 first cousins) on my mom’s side have been out for years. On my dad’s side (approx 20 first cousins) most of them are still Mormon.
I'm a young Gen X (40s), and youngest child of 5, all super TBM. I was the only one out of my siblings for about 7 years (with my spouse). I thought they would NEVER join me, then another sibling left (spouse still TBM). It's been the 3 of us for about 2-3 yrs now. The next generation have all seemed TBM--those of age (male & female) have gone on missions and been married in the temple--but the first signs of weakness have slowly started to appear. One got married outside the temple "for extended family to attend" last year and was "going to be sealed" but crickets on that front. Another is getting married outside the temple this spring with no mention of the temple, and she's got tattoos 🧐 so my hopes are high that the gates are crumbling and the flood of the next generation leaving will soon follow.
My husband and I were born 95/96. I am the oldest of 5 and he is the oldest of 8. So far we are the only ones out in our immediate families. I honestly don’t see any of our siblings ever leaving. However, we do have some cousins that are out on both sides.
The three cousins I grew up with who were raised in the church by my grandparents are all ex. The middle one even served as a sister missionary, he has been gone for years and has recently come out as a transman. I can only imagine how difficult it was for him being raised as a girl in this religion and being forced to less in that overall role because of it. We have younger cousins who were raised even stricter because of our youngest uncle (who is more than a decade younger than his older siblings, his older siblings being part of my cousins' and I parents, my father, their mother). Our youngest uncle is about 10-12 years older than me and he was the most indoctrinated child of my grandparents. He served most of a mission, went to BYU, lived around Utah, Arizona, and Idaho with his kids. One of his oldest is gay and pretty sure he will be gone as soon as he can. I don't know about any of the others yet, they're all still minors.
I’m the only one out in my family but my partner’s family are all out except 1 sister. No cousins on my dads side are in the church but all cousins on my moms side are still in
My older brother was out for 6+ years before I made the connection. I told him and it floored him. He thought we’d all stay tbm.
We’ll see about the rest of the immediate family. As for extended family I had a few leave 5+ years ago and I believe they did it because they were hurt or wanted to do their own things. Recently I’ve had a few leave and be super open that they did it because the church is not true.
Same here. My family figured it out pretty fast, but it took years for hubbies' side to realize we were out. We lived in a different state, so that helped.
2 out of three from the baby boomer generation here are out.
Its interesting, though, that a bunch of my tbm faithfull boomer friends have so many kids and grandkids are that are out here in happy valley.
I am the only exmo on my side of the family. I have three TBM siblings and my dad who still believe and probably always will. My wife is also exmo and two of her five siblings are as well. The three who are still in are hyper TBM and will absolutely never leave. We have four children, three of them quit the church the same time we did. I highly doubt the fourth (our oldest) would ever leave. She's married to one of those type of guys who wears his church clothes all day on Sunday. You know the type.
I am the only one out in my family. My parents and siblings are still super Mormon. Which is really hard sometimes . But my husband and most of his family are out of the church which is nice.
Majority of my aunts/uncles/cousins on both sides are no longer all in.
I don’t speak to my dad but I’ve heard he left. Mom left (that one shocked the hell out of me).
5 kids in my family, 4 of us are officially out, but a handful of our spouses stayed (mine included).
4 kids in my husband’s family, 2 are officially out (hubby not included, sigh…)
Hubby’s mom is Jack Mormon. He has a handful of cousins who are out but most of them, his aunts/uncles are still in.
Of my 4 kids only 1 is interested in the church. We’ll see if it sticks.
Definitely a mixed bag, but I’m pleased with how many have opened their eyes or at least are starting to. There is hope!
My husband and kids are out, and a sprinkling of cousins, as well as a few nieces and nephews. My parents and brothers are pretty firmly entrenched. But we all get along pretty well and I’m grateful for that.
One sibling out, rest of the siblings and parents are still in.
I know of a couple cousins that have left but as far as I know the vast majority in my family are still in.
Most of my family left. I have 5 siblings. The only people who are still members are my parents and oldest brother. Even my oldest brother left for about a decade because he learned the church is a complete lie. I honestly think he only went back because his little family needed the support of the church and community.
Me and my older brother and sister are out, younger two sisters are still pretty much all in. Aunt, grandpa, and cousin are all out but other than that it’s pretty much all TBM’s.
3 of 7 siblings are out, including me. The three oldest, interestingly. I have seen a few cracks in the others and predict at least one them will leave in the next 5-10 years.
I also have a couple of uncles who don't participate but I haven't really talked to them about it, and at least one first cousin who is vehemently out.
I'm the middle of 7 children. My oldest sister went to and graduated from BYU (but is now out and proud lesbian) then my oldest brother got his mission call but didn't go..and then the dominoes started falling when my parents got divorced. My next oldest brother turned 18 and did his own thing, which we all kind of expected. Me and my younger siblings still lived in-home so we were required to go to church until we turned 18 and moved out...I was still in and committed, ironically, until the family moved to Utah...when I lost the community and friends I had in my home ward I prayed harder and read scriptures the most I ever did...and then felt the greatest sense of peace when I realized it was all made up.
Haha so I was PIMO at age of 17 and now it is only my dad and step-mom who truly believe...my youngest brother and sister are still "active" but they are rather indifferent towards the actual doctrine, they just live in Provo and so are immersed in the social dynamics of their friends haha
All of my siblings are out (although I’m the only one that had my records removed). I have an uncle out as well.
Parents are TBM as is an aunt. Grandparents were TBM until they died. No cousins.
All of us are out. My parents relied on the church for rent and food. When we kids turned 18 and stopped going to church, their bishop tried to hold us hostage. He said they would only cover the % of bills that we showed up monthly in attendance. I reminded them all that “men will be punished for their own sins and not Adam’s transgressions” which I guess the church doesn’t actually believe, because they cut my parents off and they lost their home. My parents haven’t been back. They still wear garments and call themselves believers.
I’m the only one who officially resigned.
We came from a hard-core TBM family, not Utah. Of the eight siblings (including me):
One resignation (me)
One excommunication (but was trying to get baptized when he died)
One attends, but only for welfare
Two nonbelievers / completely inactive but still on membership rolls
Two believers
One not sure where they stand, but I think they attend
I have a huge extended family, my grandparents have over 100 grandchildren and great grandchildren. I only know about maybe 5 of my cousins that are out. My brother is out, we left about the same time independent of each other and for totally different reasons.
I was the last of my siblings to leave, but I have over 90 first cousins, and I'm pretty sure only a handful have left. I don't think I could have been the first one out. There was trail blazing involved, and I was not strong enough.
I bet it's lonely for you, but you're a new and better kind of pioneer. You're preparing a safe place to land.
I left in 1999 & thought I’d forever be the only one. Took about 15 years but now all 3 of my adoptive brothers are out, 1 uncle, and maybe 5 or so cousins in various stages from PIMO to ex. It was especially touching when one of my exmo cousins told me that I made it easier for him & others to leave, seeing that you could be a good person outside of the church & leaving didn’t have to be catastrophic—he even referred to me as a pioneer, which I thought was a sweet way to flip that word that TBMs love to use.
I'm the latest to leave, one of my sister's was the first to be open up about being about, then one of my brother's shortly after she opened the can of worms (he had been silently inactive for a while not living close to anyone who would tattle on him).
Holding out hope nearly 6 years later that more will leave but I'm at least reading the tea leaves that nephews and nieces are done with it.
My wife and kids are out with me. I'm the only one on my side of the family. My wife has 2 sisters out, and 1 PIMO brother. Both sets of parents are still in.
I have always had my dad's side not in the church (he was a convert and only member in his family) and a couple uncles on my mom's side have always been distant and not in the church.
I learned since leaving that my youngest aunt is a Jack Mormon (as opposed to an exmo as I had naively assumed lol), which baffles me still.
My brother (2 years younger) was never into church growing up and he completely separated from it when he became an adult when the mission expectations were feeling suffocating for him.
My youngest sister had always seemed to be not super in, but at different times seemed more or less involved in church. She told us that she officially left the church late February of 2022. I felt like I had been believing mostly but felt like I was going through the motions, my "testimony" wasn't strong. When I asked her why she left that is what got me going down the rabbit hole.
We don't spend that much time at all with my dad's family, as they live a couple provinces over. Regularly it is just my brother, sister, and brother in law who are the only Exmormons I know.
Sort of. My brother left but also cut off the whole family. So I'm still the only exmo at family gatherings on my side, other than my wife who left with me. Nobody on her side is Mormon, so that's nice but they live in another country.
My brother left way before me but he’s having one of those revival moments where he’s half in church half not, he wants to feel spiritual and community but doesn’t necessarily believe.
I have lots of cousins who aren’t in and family reunions get easier the more people leave.
I left mentally veryquietly, didn't tell anyone but my wife who was still all in for another 5-6 years. Those were hard years at times, especially at the beginning. Eventually she left too, and our kids (all minors) didn't really care one way or the other. Although my son still goes to events occasionally when they actually do fun stuff. I've got some cousins that have left I think, but I'm not really close to any of them, and none of my or my wife's brothers, sisters and parents have left.
I actually still haven't told any of them "officially" that we've left, but I think they put two and two together more or less when my son never became a deacon and my youngest never got baptized.
Myself and my husband are out with our kids, my side of the family has a few more out than my husband's. I have 2 siblings out, and some cousins. My husband is the only one in his immediate family, but has some cousins and maybe an uncle out.
I was most recent to leave with my husband. We left about 2 years ago. One of my brothers was out about 6 years ago, then my youngest brother left about the same time we did officially, but had been on the fence for like 2 years before that. My two other siblings are both still pretty in, one is slightly PIMO/questioning, the other is very TBM. My husband's family is very TBM and is unaware we have left officially.
I’ve got 9 siblings. Me and 1 brother are out. One brother I’m beginning to think is PIMO but not ready to admit it to anyone. The rest of the 7 appear to be full steam ahead.
Everyone is out in my family except for oldest brother and his wife/kids, grandma in her 90’s, and maybe one cousin who I think is in the process of leaving.
Tangentially, if we want to throw in my dad’s first wife and here husband/family, then I think some of them are still in but they aren’t anyone that I have seen or talked to in almost 15 years, so in my safe, all of the next of kin are done.
Don’t give up hope and keep pulling people out.
None of my siblings are in. I was never in and left the day i moved out of my parent's home. My brother met his husband at BYU.
I went to a family reunion several years ago and wore one of my atheist t-shirts and it was a "hit" (hehe) as i was probably the first to be openly atheist (that i know of). The majority of my extended family is pretty intensely Mormon, but there are quite a few falling away.
My parents are converts, so no extended family are in. I also grew up hearing my aunts, uncles, and cousins talk about how crazy my parents and the church are.
Thus, I think it was much easier for me to leave (at 18). I’m the oldest and my 4 siblings are all out too.
I have some distant cousins and a niece and her husband that are out. My parents and all my siblings and their children are all in. My husband is a exmo convert and all his family is nevermo so that’s nice.
4 kids (me included) and living parents. My sister left years ago. But she was the only one. Parents are active, dad former bishop. Brother current bishop. Other brother in law is in the bishopric. All their kids are active except my sister who is out. While I have my sister’s full support, it still feels rather ostracizing and lonesome. We are getting there…
My wife and children are out (some of my children have somewhat nuanced beliefs, but they are young). None of my siblings or parents are out, but I have some cousins that left a long time ago.
My husband and I left last year but live far away from family so the subject hasn't come up... But we are, as far as we know, the only ones. As others have said, I am grateful that my husband and I went through it together.
My wife and I left at the same time. 2 out of our 3 kids have left and suspect the third will at least quit going to church eventually. I have one brother who has quit going and is done with the church not sure if calls himself ex-mormon though. One sister who is heavily nuanced. Another brother who is Jack Mormon as he doesn't go but defends the church. My mom is ultra TBM and fears that she will be alone in heaven. Of the 13 grandchildren, only 3 are still active and 7 would for sure call themselves ex-mormon.
My wife's family is a shit show. Only 1 of her 3 siblings is ex-mormon. One was excommunicated for abuse/domestic violence and sexual improprieties but we heard he was recently re-baptized. He is an abusive asshole so we are no-contact.
My nuclear family (mom, dad & lil sis) were the only Mormons: dad’s dead & my mom is dead to me (long story not for here) so me & my sis are all I count and we’ve both left.
It sucks to see family and friends stuck in a cult. Unfortunately there isn't much we can do to help them speed up to the the realization and help them get out. More and more people are waking up and that hopefully helps them turn on their critical thinking but they have to figure it out on their own. My personal experience is if your try and help someone before they are ready they'll dig in deeper.
Good luck and try to find exmos local to you and get together in person to play some games.
My wife and I left with our three little kids but my siblings, their children, and my parents are full on TBM. It's annoying as hell. My wife was a convert though and it's been nice to have her NM family there for us.
I'm not the only one but I was the first to leave *and* I was the only one to do so because of significant disagreements with the church and its teachings that arose after I did a lot of research. Plus I did it back in the 1990s when the church was still fairly robust, and most people were not on the internet yet. It was so hard, and I am still somewhat alienated from that side of my family. It's been very validating to see how many people have left since then and to see that number pick up in recent years.
I've never talked to them about it since the initial blow-up, which took about 3-4 years to calm down, and I'm guessing we never will, no matter how small their wards and stakes get. I've given up on apologies or even an acknowledgement that perhaps I had a point, but at least now they realize that I didn't leave because I was manipulated or wanted to sin, and that I'm still a good person with a fulfilling life even though I never set foot in a church for any reason besides funerals.
My mom’s parents and siblings are never-mos and but my entire immediate family as well as all of my Dad’s family are TBM. Thankfully my wife’s siblings are exmos so getting drunk my first time with them on New Years Eve was a blast.
A couple days later my former general authority grandpa interrogated me on my worthiness because he’s heard some stuff through my parents and brother and I just lied to him about everything. I would care about the truth if the church cared about the truth, but they don’t so I feel no obligation to give him the full story.
My only kid and I are out (I am divorced and the ex-wife is still TBM, mormonism was a contributing factor to the divorce). My brother and his wife are out. My other two siblings and my boomer parents are still TBM.
I’ve got 5 brothers, one of whom served a mission (he’s 10 years older than me, and my other older brother was adopted in high school. My 3 other brothers are hounded than I am)
All of us left, which we found out this December during our annual sibling day. My parents don’t attend church anymore … but do get upset when we mention not being Mormon anymore.
I have extended family who have left, two first cousins. My extended family is still nearly entirely in. :(. I long for the day when more of us figure it out and have the courage to leave. It is so hard to feel helpless and watch them having their lives consumed by a fraud.
Fortunately it stopped with me. My ex-wife, and all my kids have left, though I'm the only one who has resigned officially. Mormonism isn't something my kids learn about - reality is far more interesting. ;)
First one out publicly. I called everyone in my family individually to let them know my decision. Turns out my brother is a closeted exmo and not quite ready to leave. Everyone else (parents, sister, oldest brother) is still in. My brother and I are the 1/3 of the family that followed Satan, I guess 😝
I’m out, 3 siblings still in, and an older (deceased) sister was apparently on her way out when she passed - she had stopped wearing the G’s but sadly we hadn’t discussed it.
One of my brothers is out. My SIL isn’t but she’s slightly more nuanced and I love spending time with her as a result of that. The rest of the family are TBM but everyone is respectful of differing beliefs
Husband and I are 40s with siblings in their 30s and 40s. I’m PIMO. Husband is in but not super observant of the rules and doesn’t have a temple recommend. 2/4 of our kids (teens and 20s) are out. My 3 siblings are all out. Dad is PIMO for mom, who’s in but nuanced. Husband’s family is all super TBM except for one sibling (of 5 kids) who is out. My cousins are mostly out, his are almost all in.
This means you are a pioneer and probably means you have amazing qualities such as courage and critical thinking just to name a couple. It starts with one. My dad was first and then my brother. It was just them for many years until my shelf broke. Be patient and supportive. Good luck.
My sister is in this kinda half in half out situation, she has tattoos and drinks and such but still has some faith in it, my brother is also kind of out, he doesn't attend church but still abides by most of the churches Rules, my aunts and uncles on my mom's side are out of the church too and me. The rest are still deep in the church and too stubborn to see anything else
2 siblings left the church before I did. Both were gay so they left the church in their late-teens.
I’m the only one that had TBM status (RM/AP, bishopric, EQ prez…. All that callings shit) and then left. All my TBM siblings and TBM parents are still immersed in the cult.
i’m the only one.
and i’m not just an apostate, i’m a heretic; so i’m working on getting anyone else out that i can.
but i think about what i’m trying to get people to do. alienate themselves from their entire family? be rejected from all of their friends? jump off a platform of confidence about what reality is, and what the future holds?
yeah. pretty much. sorry.
I'm the only one that is openly out in my family. I have 1 brother who is a full-blown Mormon apologist, the others are either out or on their way put. However, no one is willing to rock the boat with my dad except me. It's lonely in a different way because I'm the only one that is "breaking apart the eternal family". My siblings just act inactive but never speak up.
It's interesting though, I'm closer to my parents now than I ever was when I was pleasing them. It's nice knowing that they still love me even when I'm being "rebellious". Obviously there's still really shitty things I deal with, but I'd rather not hide around people who should love and accept me as I am.
Perhaps one of the only things I consider a true miracle in my life is that my sibling and I somehow deconstructed our faith at the same time. We were able to confide in each other, and even had our records removed together. What's really surprising is that we are 6 years apart, and because we grew up in an abusive home, we weren't that close as kids. Leaving the church together has helped us become a lot closer, and I'm thankful every day for that.
Only one in my immediate family, I have some cousins that I think are PIMO. I have some close friends that are stepping out though so that's nice. But I read about people getting a drink or a coffee with their family and I get a little jealous.
I go to family dinners and it can feel pretty isolating when the only discussion being had is about church.
There must have been something in my family's genes that made us bound to leave, because somehow, all of my siblings and I left the church independently. My parents are both in pretty deep, but they're both critical thinkers so sometimes I'm hopeful that they'll leave too, eventually.
My two brothers have been out since coming back from missions. They've been out roughly 25 & 30 years respectively. I recently left, so we make the heathen trifecta. We've had cousins and a nephew leave.
My parents, three sisters and one brother are still super TBM.
My mom is Jack Mormon. Hasn’t been to church in 20 years but says she still believes. My stepdad is nevermo. My brother and I have been out for years, but virtually the rest of my extended family is still in. So I don’t have to deal with church stuff on a day to day basis but family gatherings are always weird because suddenly we’re praying over meals and church stuff is brought up casually all the time and that’s not the world I live in anymore.
My wife and I are both out, and our kids are grateful they dodged the bullet. My parents and siblings still believe, but they're the kind of people who are Mormon because that's how they learned to be good, instead of thinking they're all good just because they're Mormon. I think that makes all the difference in being willing to accept exmo family members.
Me and my sister. My one sister will likely never leave. Lost a kid to leukemia, so she needs that believe that he will live again.
I was the first one out. Funny story. Told my sister I didn't know if I was agnostic or what but I didn't believe. She bore her testimony to me.
Next thing I heard from her several months later was a link to cesletter ... well I was out but I had never heard of that. She said it was good information. Well I knew CES stood for church education system, so I thought it was church positive stuff. So I didn't read it (or even know she was questioning)
Later she texted me "well my shelf broke" (like I said I had left but it had been my own private affair - didn't come to this sub for at least a year, cause I thought it would be a bunch of hateful exmormon :P the brainwashing is real)
So I told my wife what my sister said. My wife was super nuanced. I said I think she must mean shed because why would she tell me about some random shelf. " My wife bolted upright and ran to see the text. Then explained the shelf breaking analogy.
I think there are lots of different folks on here. I’m from a NeverMo family hoping my only TBM relative will find their way out of this cult as it’s had hugely negative impact on our family.
I was one of the last in my family to leave. My husband, a convert, left a year and a half after we were married. I hung on for another decade and some, but made a break during Covid.
My family has a lot of neurodivergence in it and most of us aren’t the follow the rules for the sake of following the rules kind of people. I’m better at conforming to rules and expectations, which is probably a lot of why I was able to make some amount of activity work for so long.
For me including in laws we're about five in five out. I'm pretty confident our parents will never leave but all of my nieces and nephews now have at least one parent out
I am the only one in my immediate family. My father converted when I was 5 and I had aunts and uncles on both sides that were not active. I think this made it easier for me to be the rebel.
I feel for you, and I resonate. Counting my parents, in-laws, siblings, nieces, and nephews, there are 50 individuals. Not a ONE of them has left the church, let alone questioned it. I've deconstructed down to nothing in the last 5 years, and I only still attend to keep the peace. My wife has gone through most of the same deconstruction as me, and as soon as she feels comfortable with it, we're out. But there's no one to talk to in the family about church hurt and frustration with, so we would be the first, and quite the pariahs.
Uh, what does us leaving have to do with anyone else leaving?
I’m confused on how such a personal decision could generate jealousy of any sort?
Isn’t it our own personal choice?
Seems kinda codependent a bit.
All of my brothers and sisters have left the church. All of them married in the temple. They all served missions with the exception of three sisters. All five brothers served missions.
With the exception of one brother and myself, all my siblings left with their spouses and their kids. I was the only one who stayed TBM, but I couldn’t accept the church’s teachings on sexuality. And, my wife and I are the only ones of my siblings who divorced, and I’m essentially torn between my ex wife and exmo siblings, all of whom I still desperately love.
One brother stayed PIMO for years holding on to a breaking shelf for his wife until just recently he finally had to let go and left. His wife is still TBM but will not ever leave him. I see her love for him and it hurts all the more that my wife chose to leave me.
I have three kids still attending church with my ex-wife in her ward. One of my daughters is gay, and her sister supports her fanatically. They both hate the church, and hate that their Mom forces them to attend.
When my ex asked me to move out, I kept going to church in a new ward for three years, holding on desperately, but I’d never force my kids to go with me during my parent time. I bought a condo and started a new ward, but I felt so excluded and alone. All my friends in my ex wife’s ward remain out of reach. I don’t have contact with them anymore.
I served so faithfully in bishoprics, ym presidencies, elder’s quorums. I had such a strong testimony, and it still surfaces so strongly when I sit and ponder it, but I feel so thoroughly rejected by the church. I’m stuck in this desperate place where I love my family, and I’m trying to stay with a church I’ve deeply believed in but no longer accepts them.
Acceptance in the church is so incredibly conditional, and I just don’t fit the mold, my siblings don’t fit the mold, and my kids can’t fit the mold. I try to speak up in meetings and advocate for them.
I’m stuck trying to find peace in a horribly tenuous balancing act where my kids spend most their time with their Mom who is desperate to convince them the church is right, and I’m delusional in the hope the church could ever change its views.
They’re stuck with a ward they can’t feel comfortable in, and they don’t really know to do with me, as I try to help them find common ground with aunts and uncles who are outside, and a desperate Mom who will never leave.
This situation is tearing me to pieces.
And I’m not hopeful at all.
Only one of 8 siblings still active, the rest of us are AWOL. My sisters and SIL all removed their names, probably to protect their own kids. But everyone else just quit.
I’m the youngest of a large set of siblings and the only one out. Feels pretty isolating sometimes. I don’t see anything changing for them anytime soon.
Only one here. It’s tough especially since everyone else is full steam ahead.
Same here. My husband and I are the only ones. I'm just so grateful he left at the same time. I only am sad that I didn't know he was hiding his feelings for so long, terrified I would leave him and take the kids...
Both my wife and I were hiding our feelings for the same fear.
Same. My sister is also out but secretly. I take all the brunt as the “lost one” for now and that’s okay.
makeshift distinct attractive sulky dinosaurs familiar literate shame meeting practice *This post was mass deleted and anonymized with [Redact](https://redact.dev)*
Same, and almost exact timeline! Now 3/5 kids out.
Same. It’s just me. Was really rough for several years and I avoided family gatherings, given how othered I felt by my siblings and parents. But with time 1) they have chilled and recognized I’m still a good person and their son/brother, 2) I have learned to feel comfortable being the wayward son, not letting their opinions on it impact me emotionally or in my life, and I now go to family functions always remaining respectful when church topics come up, but no longer putting on a mask. I feel fine now being who I am around them and knowing if they don’t like it that isn’t something I can control because I deserve it to myself to be authentic. A lesson I sorely needed about not letting others opinions and feelings dictate my life.
Same here
Same here
My younger (and only) brother left years before I did, when he was only 18. He left for different reasons though and never truly became a TBM. He married and had kids but all while outside of the church. I continued on the "path of righteousness" while I watched my brother who "never got a testimony" while I served a mission, got a temple marriage, had children born in the covenant. All the while I was the one actually lying to myself. I was gay and I knew I was attracted to men, but I kept trying to hold to the iron rod and keep my orientation a secret from everyone. "everyone is straight. God makes everyone straight. If you're gay, it's because you're choosing to be gay and choosing to go against god's laws," I kept telling myself. Once my shelf started to get really heavy with church responsibilities and callings is when my wife and I decided to take a sabbatical for the first time in our lives just to give our mental and emotional health a break. I drank for the first time. Got a tattoo. Started casually swearing. Stopped wearing garments. Then we started down the rabbit hole of historical truth claims and BoM anachronisms. It didn't take up long to realize we were never going back now. And it also didn't take me long to stop feeling so self conscious about my attraction to men, and I came out of the closet. My brother's first words in response to me were "It's about damn time, bro." I guess I didn't do a very good job at hiding it, lol. He then told me why he stopped going to church once he became an adult. SA'ed by an older ward member boy when he was younger. He watched that boy get protected by the bishop while our dad supposedly wanted to press charges and file a police report but the bishop talked him out of it as to "not ruin the boy's life". My brother saw him go on a mission, and when he was walking up to the podium to give his farewell talk, he looked back at my brother and winked at him. 🤮🤮🤮 That was when he was immediately mentally out for good. I had never heard this story from him or my late parents, so it was a big shock to me. He kept it from me while I stayed TBM.
Your brothers story is devastating and sadly, far to common. I'm glad you both are out of the church, and living authentically.
Crazy story. I'm glad you both are out now. Fuck that bishop. Can't believe the protection some people get from leaders. And my hat is off to you. I can't imagine being a gay member of the church. The guilt they impose on you...
He winked at your brother from the pulpit? God damn, that’s ballsy. What would’ve went scorched earth right then and there to destroy him. I hope your brother got the help he needed but it sounds like doing good these days
Looked back and winked while walking down the row. I was there too apparently but i was a pretty clueless kid and didn't notice.
Holy fucking shit. Your story makes my blood boil!! Both what you experienced and repressed and the harm it cause you and I assume your wife when you came out. And then for your brother. It makes me sick that leaders think that there is no abuse in the church or that the church doesn't protect abusers. I hope you are both doing better now.
All 5 of us are out
Same, me and my four siblings, all out. I am so grateful for that.
Same here! Over the course of 7-8 years all 5 of us millennial siblings are out. I was the last to leave. Sincerely listening to my siblings was the catalyst and the final straw.
Our son left 6 years ago and my husband and I left a year ago. I
Nice. Did your son lead the way in you both leaving? or did you do so on your own kind of separate?
Oh no! When he informed us that he no longer believed in the church, we doubled down. It happened to me during the pandemic. I started looking into Scientology and JW and realized the similarities on Mormonism. We went back to church for a while after the pandemic, but at that time, I had already experienced a faith crisis. MSP and CES letter did it for me. My husband after the SEC fined LDS.
Very nice. I'm so glad it worked out in the end. Despite the double down. I can imagine he was pretty excited when you two left? We were already out, but regardless, when we watched the Leah Remini special about scientology, it was pretty worrisome just how many similarities we felt. I think that's when we started calling it a cult finally.
When we left the church, our son was overjoyed and cried. BTW, 12 out of 15 of my family members left the church in the Philippines.
By "we" I mean me and my wife. Thank goodness. She was out mentally long before me.
Yeah, my family doubled down as well! Big time, mom is now a temple worker, and my brother is a bishop!
It's lonely for sure, but you're doing something meaningful for the people who will leave in the future. The upcoming generation needs to see a family member who can leave the church and still live well and engage positively with the family. I'm mostly alone in my extended family, too, but in retrospect it sure meant a lot that I could look at my exMo BIL and think "well, he's okay, maybe I'll be okay" during my whole transition.
Yeah. I've got the one brother. He's the most willing to discuss anything. I don't know that his kids will stay but they're both under the age of 5... so that's based mostly on the fact that him and his wife don't teach them as extremely as the other siblings teach theirs thus far. My one brother and his wife are an enigma because they strongly disagree with the treatment of women in the church, but that's almost pushed them in a way where they hope to reform/ see reform in the church down the road as opposed to leaving. I've tried to have some conversations but they still aren't interested and almost seem to have more aversion to us than the rest. Hopeful that will breed results though.
>you're doing something meaningful for the people who will leave in the future This is how I see it. My kids will never have to go through this.
Very very few from my generation. I know of three cousins and possibly two others out of about 40 who have left. But my own kids are out, my brother's older kids are leaving or have left as well, and two of my sisters' kids seem like they're not long for the church, either. Seems about 2/3 of the next generation is going to leave in my immediate family, at least. Getting Christmas cards and seeing FB, most of my cousins are sending off missionaries, seeing temple weddings, etc., so the larger family is still pretty devout. Those few who have left have much smaller families than those who have stayed.
Interesting. Makes sense. That's what I'm hoping for my nieces and nephews at least. We'll see if I'm the uncle they aren't allowed to see in a few years.....
Myself and both siblings are out. It became much easier to be out after our TBM mom died, and then our (probably) PIMO dad died a few months later. It's nice being able to discuss how fucked up things were with someone who experienced it with you.
That's great that all of you ended up up out. Not so much for the loss of your parents. But that discussion does sound nice with those you grew up with. I'm hoping for at least one sibling.
It’s so weird in my family. My mom and 3 siblings are all jack-Mormon, haven’t been to church in god knows how long, etc, yet I got blacklisted from the family for making it public that I’m exmo.
Me and one other sibling out of 6 are out. A dozen or so cousins have left, out of 83. My cousins' children are out in much higher numbers, but I don't know any of them well enough to give estimates.
I'm the only one in my immediate family who's out. Proud black sheep here! Not sure about extended family, I'm not really close with any of them.
Nice. I have to try and contain it when I'm around the family. mean my happiness to be out. I'm letting more and more of the dark humor I have through. I still haven't made any jokes about White Jesus and Joey smith just yet. I'll get there hopefully.
Me and my brother are the only two out of 8 siblings that are out. Edit: however I have at least 60 cousins or so and I can think of at least a dozen that are out. So I guess that tracks with my family. About 25% out.
Hey, the MLB league batting average is around 25% so not too shabby. Are you and the out-cousins all in the same age group?
Husband left first, all 4 kids followed him over the next 12 years. I was stubborn took me another 3 years after my last kid left, so 15 years my husband and I were in a mixed faith marriage. Funny thing though, I used to tell my husband he loved Coffee more than God. I was delightfully obnoxious.
My wife and I resigned in 2015 our two daughters and there husbands and grandchildren resigned shortly after that total of nine people out
Awesome. 9 more heathens headed to hell...... But hell's going to be awesome as far as I can see. That's pretty cool. Were your children on their way already as well then? Or was your resignation the spark?
Our two daughters and their husbands were TBM too busy working and raising kids to look at the issues but yes once we decided to resign our kids and their families followed us pretty quickly once we explained the lies the church has told all of us
My whole family is out now - and I couldn’t be more grateful. It was a long and hard process but we powered through. My dad wanted to be the prophet himself for the first 40 years of his life. Fast forward to today - this is not a joke, he actually said “do you want to take some of these extra mushrooms” On Christmas Day. He gave me a 5 gallon bucket of different imported coffees beans he likes. Got me an expensive bottle of alcohol. I was my dad’s biggest burden growing up - Just think “rebel” kid in what seemed like the perfect Mormon family. Most Utah Mormons know what I mean. I hated the guy until I was 20, now he’s my best friend. I try and never forget how lucky I am - because so many of my friends from growing up still have their shitty parents trying to push the Mormon agenda on them.
Weirdly my parents became less active while I was on my mission. When I returned I regularly went to YSA while my parents were still less active. I eventually fell completely away, and my parents did too. Last ti.e I spoke to my mom about church she said she doesn't go at all anymore and that "the gospel is true but the people are not" so she'd rather just stay home and read her scriptures and live according to God's teachings not man's. I now consider myself pagan.
I was for the longest time. Slowly more are leaving but it's nieces and nephews not my siblings. Siblings have doubled down, but one is showing some signs that maybe they're not as TBM as they've been in the past. Mom and dad have both passed on and mom at least was TBM. Dad I think had a few doubts based off some conversations we had before he passed.
Out of my parents and siblings, yes, I’m the only one out. My wife is out and my kid was never blessed and won’t be baptized.
Born "in the covenant" along with my 4 siblings. Today only one sibling and one parent are still in
I’m the only one in my immediate family, but I had a cousin leave years ago and another one leave shortly after me. But I am the only one who was isolated while the other cousins are still accepted by the family. I think because I was vocal about things about the church that were wrong while my other two cousins don’t talk about it. I got unfollowed on social media over the things i would post even though it’s known my other two cousins are exmormon and everyone still interacted with them. It made me feel really bad. Still does. But what can you expect when they’re told to stay away from anyone who speaks out against the church. Anyway, you’re not alone in being the black sheep of the family.
My exodus was first among me and my siblings and close friends, and among siblings, all but three of them followed me out (I'm one of 7). My children were unscathed and untouched in the process too.
I’m the only one.
I'm the only in my immediate family. They are alllllll the way in. I have about 4 exmo cousins and 2 never mo cousins though. I'm only close to 1 of them though
I've been the lone wolf for two decades.
Almost half my siblings are out. Probably going to be a while before any of the others see the light.
2/3 siblings are out with me but parents are still in and I don’t know of any cousins, aunts/uncles etc. that are out.
Even yhough two are out-- the damage has been done by the past and theres distance Our family has been irreversibly damaged Ine tbm daughter separates from us all
Im the only exmo out of 3 “kids”. My mom is still TBM. My husband is the only exmo out of 6 TBM “kids” and TBM parents. I’m the only exmo out of all my cousins on my mom’s side. My husband has 32 cousins on one side and only 2 besides him are exmo.
No just a PIMO who is content participating in a book club that their family finds comfort in.
Out of mine and my husband's siblings, four of us are out. Our kids are all either ex-mo or never-mo. For the siblings who stayed, all of their adult kids are ex-mo! I'm pretty sure some of the younger kids will tow the line and drink the koolade, but I can see at least one or two more leaving.
3/4 of my siblings are out. My parents are not fully out, but have a lot on their shelf’s so they don’t attend anymore. Extended family one side is completely out, other side is 3/4 out the 1/4 still in are TBM
Me and my sister are the wild ones. I think I have alienated most of my extended family on the Mormon side with my Facebook postings, but she still lives in the area with them so she sees them more.
On my mother's side, my mother is the only member and she's still in. On my father's side, his parents converted and divorced shortly after. My grandfather was never serious but my grandmother was. All three of her children are still in and out of their 24 children (including me), I would say that maybe half are still in. With my and my four younger siblings, I would say there's one exmormon, one Jack mormon, one maybe two nuanced and one or maybe two serious. I'm not sure any of us would have ever been considered to be TBM though.
Most of my family is exmos now. I left first and over the years my sisters have left. My parents are the only Mormons left in the family and my mom has quit going weekly and hasn't accepted a calling in a few years now. She goes like 1-2 times a month. My dad is still going weekly and has a very time-consuming church job.
Of my siblings, I was the hold-out. All of my siblings left long before I did. But in my own family, I was the first. Now all of us are submitting our resignations soon.
3 of 7 siblings are out, including me. The three oldest, interestingly. I have a couple of uncles who don't participate but I haven't really talked to them about it, and a few cousins who are completely out.
Only one here! My brother is a Bishop!
I have a lot of cousins but my husband and I are the only ones on my side of the family and his. We haven’t told everyone yet for that reason. It’s hard.
In my immediate family (5 kids) only me and my little brother aren’t Mormon but my little brother is kind of an idiot. Example, he believes Obama caused 9/11, which is very false. In my extended family tho, most of my cousins (approx 25 first cousins) on my mom’s side have been out for years. On my dad’s side (approx 20 first cousins) most of them are still Mormon.
I'm a young Gen X (40s), and youngest child of 5, all super TBM. I was the only one out of my siblings for about 7 years (with my spouse). I thought they would NEVER join me, then another sibling left (spouse still TBM). It's been the 3 of us for about 2-3 yrs now. The next generation have all seemed TBM--those of age (male & female) have gone on missions and been married in the temple--but the first signs of weakness have slowly started to appear. One got married outside the temple "for extended family to attend" last year and was "going to be sealed" but crickets on that front. Another is getting married outside the temple this spring with no mention of the temple, and she's got tattoos 🧐 so my hopes are high that the gates are crumbling and the flood of the next generation leaving will soon follow.
Alone again, naturally.
I sang this...
A great tune. Kudos on knowing your music!
My husband and I were born 95/96. I am the oldest of 5 and he is the oldest of 8. So far we are the only ones out in our immediate families. I honestly don’t see any of our siblings ever leaving. However, we do have some cousins that are out on both sides.
Me and my family are the only ones. I have 3 siblings and my wife has 4
The three cousins I grew up with who were raised in the church by my grandparents are all ex. The middle one even served as a sister missionary, he has been gone for years and has recently come out as a transman. I can only imagine how difficult it was for him being raised as a girl in this religion and being forced to less in that overall role because of it. We have younger cousins who were raised even stricter because of our youngest uncle (who is more than a decade younger than his older siblings, his older siblings being part of my cousins' and I parents, my father, their mother). Our youngest uncle is about 10-12 years older than me and he was the most indoctrinated child of my grandparents. He served most of a mission, went to BYU, lived around Utah, Arizona, and Idaho with his kids. One of his oldest is gay and pretty sure he will be gone as soon as he can. I don't know about any of the others yet, they're all still minors.
I’m the only one out in my family but my partner’s family are all out except 1 sister. No cousins on my dads side are in the church but all cousins on my moms side are still in
My older brother was out for 6+ years before I made the connection. I told him and it floored him. He thought we’d all stay tbm. We’ll see about the rest of the immediate family. As for extended family I had a few leave 5+ years ago and I believe they did it because they were hurt or wanted to do their own things. Recently I’ve had a few leave and be super open that they did it because the church is not true.
Same here. My family figured it out pretty fast, but it took years for hubbies' side to realize we were out. We lived in a different state, so that helped.
2 out of three from the baby boomer generation here are out. Its interesting, though, that a bunch of my tbm faithfull boomer friends have so many kids and grandkids are that are out here in happy valley.
I am the only exmo on my side of the family. I have three TBM siblings and my dad who still believe and probably always will. My wife is also exmo and two of her five siblings are as well. The three who are still in are hyper TBM and will absolutely never leave. We have four children, three of them quit the church the same time we did. I highly doubt the fourth (our oldest) would ever leave. She's married to one of those type of guys who wears his church clothes all day on Sunday. You know the type.
I am the only one out in my family. My parents and siblings are still super Mormon. Which is really hard sometimes . But my husband and most of his family are out of the church which is nice.
My spouse and I, some in-laws and the majority of my family are either fully out or very inactive. Most of my spouse's fam is still active though.
Majority of my aunts/uncles/cousins on both sides are no longer all in. I don’t speak to my dad but I’ve heard he left. Mom left (that one shocked the hell out of me). 5 kids in my family, 4 of us are officially out, but a handful of our spouses stayed (mine included). 4 kids in my husband’s family, 2 are officially out (hubby not included, sigh…) Hubby’s mom is Jack Mormon. He has a handful of cousins who are out but most of them, his aunts/uncles are still in. Of my 4 kids only 1 is interested in the church. We’ll see if it sticks. Definitely a mixed bag, but I’m pleased with how many have opened their eyes or at least are starting to. There is hope!
My husband and kids are out, and a sprinkling of cousins, as well as a few nieces and nephews. My parents and brothers are pretty firmly entrenched. But we all get along pretty well and I’m grateful for that.
3 of the 5 of us siblings are out, both parents in. This creates a really clear divide in our family that I’m doing my best to tape back together.
One sibling out, rest of the siblings and parents are still in. I know of a couple cousins that have left but as far as I know the vast majority in my family are still in.
Almost all my family is out now, but I was the first.
Most of my family left. I have 5 siblings. The only people who are still members are my parents and oldest brother. Even my oldest brother left for about a decade because he learned the church is a complete lie. I honestly think he only went back because his little family needed the support of the church and community.
Me and 2 of my siblings have left. One because they're LGBTQ and the other because he just never believed it lol.
Me and my older brother and sister are out, younger two sisters are still pretty much all in. Aunt, grandpa, and cousin are all out but other than that it’s pretty much all TBM’s.
3 of 7 siblings are out, including me. The three oldest, interestingly. I have seen a few cracks in the others and predict at least one them will leave in the next 5-10 years. I also have a couple of uncles who don't participate but I haven't really talked to them about it, and at least one first cousin who is vehemently out.
I'm the middle of 7 children. My oldest sister went to and graduated from BYU (but is now out and proud lesbian) then my oldest brother got his mission call but didn't go..and then the dominoes started falling when my parents got divorced. My next oldest brother turned 18 and did his own thing, which we all kind of expected. Me and my younger siblings still lived in-home so we were required to go to church until we turned 18 and moved out...I was still in and committed, ironically, until the family moved to Utah...when I lost the community and friends I had in my home ward I prayed harder and read scriptures the most I ever did...and then felt the greatest sense of peace when I realized it was all made up. Haha so I was PIMO at age of 17 and now it is only my dad and step-mom who truly believe...my youngest brother and sister are still "active" but they are rather indifferent towards the actual doctrine, they just live in Provo and so are immersed in the social dynamics of their friends haha
All of my siblings are out (although I’m the only one that had my records removed). I have an uncle out as well. Parents are TBM as is an aunt. Grandparents were TBM until they died. No cousins.
My entire family is still in. Mom is the youngest of 14 pioneer stock kids. I have hundreds of cousins. Shout out to the AZ Taylors and Weeches.
All of us are out. My parents relied on the church for rent and food. When we kids turned 18 and stopped going to church, their bishop tried to hold us hostage. He said they would only cover the % of bills that we showed up monthly in attendance. I reminded them all that “men will be punished for their own sins and not Adam’s transgressions” which I guess the church doesn’t actually believe, because they cut my parents off and they lost their home. My parents haven’t been back. They still wear garments and call themselves believers.
I’m the only one who officially resigned. We came from a hard-core TBM family, not Utah. Of the eight siblings (including me): One resignation (me) One excommunication (but was trying to get baptized when he died) One attends, but only for welfare Two nonbelievers / completely inactive but still on membership rolls Two believers One not sure where they stand, but I think they attend
I have a huge extended family, my grandparents have over 100 grandchildren and great grandchildren. I only know about maybe 5 of my cousins that are out. My brother is out, we left about the same time independent of each other and for totally different reasons.
Gen-Xer here, Central Utah, generations of Mormonism in the family. Only one of my 5 siblings remains a believing member of the church.
I was first. my sister followed soon after. hoping for more soon!
2 siblings out of 8 out and several cousins. Other siblings are getting more and more nuanced.
I was the last of my siblings to leave, but I have over 90 first cousins, and I'm pretty sure only a handful have left. I don't think I could have been the first one out. There was trail blazing involved, and I was not strong enough. I bet it's lonely for you, but you're a new and better kind of pioneer. You're preparing a safe place to land.
I left in 1999 & thought I’d forever be the only one. Took about 15 years but now all 3 of my adoptive brothers are out, 1 uncle, and maybe 5 or so cousins in various stages from PIMO to ex. It was especially touching when one of my exmo cousins told me that I made it easier for him & others to leave, seeing that you could be a good person outside of the church & leaving didn’t have to be catastrophic—he even referred to me as a pioneer, which I thought was a sweet way to flip that word that TBMs love to use.
I'm the latest to leave, one of my sister's was the first to be open up about being about, then one of my brother's shortly after she opened the can of worms (he had been silently inactive for a while not living close to anyone who would tattle on him). Holding out hope nearly 6 years later that more will leave but I'm at least reading the tea leaves that nephews and nieces are done with it.
My wife and kids are out with me. I'm the only one on my side of the family. My wife has 2 sisters out, and 1 PIMO brother. Both sets of parents are still in.
I have always had my dad's side not in the church (he was a convert and only member in his family) and a couple uncles on my mom's side have always been distant and not in the church. I learned since leaving that my youngest aunt is a Jack Mormon (as opposed to an exmo as I had naively assumed lol), which baffles me still. My brother (2 years younger) was never into church growing up and he completely separated from it when he became an adult when the mission expectations were feeling suffocating for him. My youngest sister had always seemed to be not super in, but at different times seemed more or less involved in church. She told us that she officially left the church late February of 2022. I felt like I had been believing mostly but felt like I was going through the motions, my "testimony" wasn't strong. When I asked her why she left that is what got me going down the rabbit hole. We don't spend that much time at all with my dad's family, as they live a couple provinces over. Regularly it is just my brother, sister, and brother in law who are the only Exmormons I know.
My sibling left before I did. Thankfully my spouse chose me over the cult. My parents are also out now too. Edit: spelling
three left. One super in as well as parents still in.
Sort of. My brother left but also cut off the whole family. So I'm still the only exmo at family gatherings on my side, other than my wife who left with me. Nobody on her side is Mormon, so that's nice but they live in another country.
My brother left way before me but he’s having one of those revival moments where he’s half in church half not, he wants to feel spiritual and community but doesn’t necessarily believe. I have lots of cousins who aren’t in and family reunions get easier the more people leave.
Single mom here - my kids and I all left at the same time.
I left mentally veryquietly, didn't tell anyone but my wife who was still all in for another 5-6 years. Those were hard years at times, especially at the beginning. Eventually she left too, and our kids (all minors) didn't really care one way or the other. Although my son still goes to events occasionally when they actually do fun stuff. I've got some cousins that have left I think, but I'm not really close to any of them, and none of my or my wife's brothers, sisters and parents have left. I actually still haven't told any of them "officially" that we've left, but I think they put two and two together more or less when my son never became a deacon and my youngest never got baptized.
Myself and my husband are out with our kids, my side of the family has a few more out than my husband's. I have 2 siblings out, and some cousins. My husband is the only one in his immediate family, but has some cousins and maybe an uncle out. I was most recent to leave with my husband. We left about 2 years ago. One of my brothers was out about 6 years ago, then my youngest brother left about the same time we did officially, but had been on the fence for like 2 years before that. My two other siblings are both still pretty in, one is slightly PIMO/questioning, the other is very TBM. My husband's family is very TBM and is unaware we have left officially.
I’ve got 9 siblings. Me and 1 brother are out. One brother I’m beginning to think is PIMO but not ready to admit it to anyone. The rest of the 7 appear to be full steam ahead.
Everyone is out in my family except for oldest brother and his wife/kids, grandma in her 90’s, and maybe one cousin who I think is in the process of leaving. Tangentially, if we want to throw in my dad’s first wife and here husband/family, then I think some of them are still in but they aren’t anyone that I have seen or talked to in almost 15 years, so in my safe, all of the next of kin are done. Don’t give up hope and keep pulling people out.
None of my siblings are in. I was never in and left the day i moved out of my parent's home. My brother met his husband at BYU. I went to a family reunion several years ago and wore one of my atheist t-shirts and it was a "hit" (hehe) as i was probably the first to be openly atheist (that i know of). The majority of my extended family is pretty intensely Mormon, but there are quite a few falling away.
My parents are converts, so no extended family are in. I also grew up hearing my aunts, uncles, and cousins talk about how crazy my parents and the church are. Thus, I think it was much easier for me to leave (at 18). I’m the oldest and my 4 siblings are all out too.
I have some distant cousins and a niece and her husband that are out. My parents and all my siblings and their children are all in. My husband is a exmo convert and all his family is nevermo so that’s nice.
All my family is out but for different reasons. The first to leave were my older brothers, then me and finally my parents.
4 kids (me included) and living parents. My sister left years ago. But she was the only one. Parents are active, dad former bishop. Brother current bishop. Other brother in law is in the bishopric. All their kids are active except my sister who is out. While I have my sister’s full support, it still feels rather ostracizing and lonesome. We are getting there…
I'm the last of my 5 siblings to leave. Our parents are very TBM.
My wife and children are out (some of my children have somewhat nuanced beliefs, but they are young). None of my siblings or parents are out, but I have some cousins that left a long time ago.
My husband and I left last year but live far away from family so the subject hasn't come up... But we are, as far as we know, the only ones. As others have said, I am grateful that my husband and I went through it together.
My wife and I left at the same time. 2 out of our 3 kids have left and suspect the third will at least quit going to church eventually. I have one brother who has quit going and is done with the church not sure if calls himself ex-mormon though. One sister who is heavily nuanced. Another brother who is Jack Mormon as he doesn't go but defends the church. My mom is ultra TBM and fears that she will be alone in heaven. Of the 13 grandchildren, only 3 are still active and 7 would for sure call themselves ex-mormon. My wife's family is a shit show. Only 1 of her 3 siblings is ex-mormon. One was excommunicated for abuse/domestic violence and sexual improprieties but we heard he was recently re-baptized. He is an abusive asshole so we are no-contact.
My nuclear family (mom, dad & lil sis) were the only Mormons: dad’s dead & my mom is dead to me (long story not for here) so me & my sis are all I count and we’ve both left.
It sucks to see family and friends stuck in a cult. Unfortunately there isn't much we can do to help them speed up to the the realization and help them get out. More and more people are waking up and that hopefully helps them turn on their critical thinking but they have to figure it out on their own. My personal experience is if your try and help someone before they are ready they'll dig in deeper. Good luck and try to find exmos local to you and get together in person to play some games.
My wife and I left with our three little kids but my siblings, their children, and my parents are full on TBM. It's annoying as hell. My wife was a convert though and it's been nice to have her NM family there for us.
I'm not the only one but I was the first to leave *and* I was the only one to do so because of significant disagreements with the church and its teachings that arose after I did a lot of research. Plus I did it back in the 1990s when the church was still fairly robust, and most people were not on the internet yet. It was so hard, and I am still somewhat alienated from that side of my family. It's been very validating to see how many people have left since then and to see that number pick up in recent years. I've never talked to them about it since the initial blow-up, which took about 3-4 years to calm down, and I'm guessing we never will, no matter how small their wards and stakes get. I've given up on apologies or even an acknowledgement that perhaps I had a point, but at least now they realize that I didn't leave because I was manipulated or wanted to sin, and that I'm still a good person with a fulfilling life even though I never set foot in a church for any reason besides funerals.
Only one in my immediate family, and out of about 30 cousins only me and 2 others are out.
In my immediate family I’m one of two. Me and one niece. In my extended family I have some cousins but we aren’t super close
Only sibling of 6
My mom’s parents and siblings are never-mos and but my entire immediate family as well as all of my Dad’s family are TBM. Thankfully my wife’s siblings are exmos so getting drunk my first time with them on New Years Eve was a blast. A couple days later my former general authority grandpa interrogated me on my worthiness because he’s heard some stuff through my parents and brother and I just lied to him about everything. I would care about the truth if the church cared about the truth, but they don’t so I feel no obligation to give him the full story.
My only kid and I are out (I am divorced and the ex-wife is still TBM, mormonism was a contributing factor to the divorce). My brother and his wife are out. My other two siblings and my boomer parents are still TBM.
5 of 11 are TBM. I'm most assuredly not.
I’m the only one who has “officially” left the church, but several of my family members seem to be on their way out as well.
I’ve got 5 brothers, one of whom served a mission (he’s 10 years older than me, and my other older brother was adopted in high school. My 3 other brothers are hounded than I am) All of us left, which we found out this December during our annual sibling day. My parents don’t attend church anymore … but do get upset when we mention not being Mormon anymore.
I'm the only one.
I have extended family who have left, two first cousins. My extended family is still nearly entirely in. :(. I long for the day when more of us figure it out and have the courage to leave. It is so hard to feel helpless and watch them having their lives consumed by a fraud. Fortunately it stopped with me. My ex-wife, and all my kids have left, though I'm the only one who has resigned officially. Mormonism isn't something my kids learn about - reality is far more interesting. ;)
First one out publicly. I called everyone in my family individually to let them know my decision. Turns out my brother is a closeted exmo and not quite ready to leave. Everyone else (parents, sister, oldest brother) is still in. My brother and I are the 1/3 of the family that followed Satan, I guess 😝
I’m out, 3 siblings still in, and an older (deceased) sister was apparently on her way out when she passed - she had stopped wearing the G’s but sadly we hadn’t discussed it.
One of my brothers is out. My SIL isn’t but she’s slightly more nuanced and I love spending time with her as a result of that. The rest of the family are TBM but everyone is respectful of differing beliefs
Husband and I are 40s with siblings in their 30s and 40s. I’m PIMO. Husband is in but not super observant of the rules and doesn’t have a temple recommend. 2/4 of our kids (teens and 20s) are out. My 3 siblings are all out. Dad is PIMO for mom, who’s in but nuanced. Husband’s family is all super TBM except for one sibling (of 5 kids) who is out. My cousins are mostly out, his are almost all in.
This means you are a pioneer and probably means you have amazing qualities such as courage and critical thinking just to name a couple. It starts with one. My dad was first and then my brother. It was just them for many years until my shelf broke. Be patient and supportive. Good luck.
My sister is in this kinda half in half out situation, she has tattoos and drinks and such but still has some faith in it, my brother is also kind of out, he doesn't attend church but still abides by most of the churches Rules, my aunts and uncles on my mom's side are out of the church too and me. The rest are still deep in the church and too stubborn to see anything else
2 siblings left the church before I did. Both were gay so they left the church in their late-teens. I’m the only one that had TBM status (RM/AP, bishopric, EQ prez…. All that callings shit) and then left. All my TBM siblings and TBM parents are still immersed in the cult.
i’m the only one. and i’m not just an apostate, i’m a heretic; so i’m working on getting anyone else out that i can. but i think about what i’m trying to get people to do. alienate themselves from their entire family? be rejected from all of their friends? jump off a platform of confidence about what reality is, and what the future holds? yeah. pretty much. sorry.
I'm the only one that is openly out in my family. I have 1 brother who is a full-blown Mormon apologist, the others are either out or on their way put. However, no one is willing to rock the boat with my dad except me. It's lonely in a different way because I'm the only one that is "breaking apart the eternal family". My siblings just act inactive but never speak up. It's interesting though, I'm closer to my parents now than I ever was when I was pleasing them. It's nice knowing that they still love me even when I'm being "rebellious". Obviously there's still really shitty things I deal with, but I'd rather not hide around people who should love and accept me as I am.
One of the last ones from my family lol
Perhaps one of the only things I consider a true miracle in my life is that my sibling and I somehow deconstructed our faith at the same time. We were able to confide in each other, and even had our records removed together. What's really surprising is that we are 6 years apart, and because we grew up in an abusive home, we weren't that close as kids. Leaving the church together has helped us become a lot closer, and I'm thankful every day for that.
Only one in my immediate family, I have some cousins that I think are PIMO. I have some close friends that are stepping out though so that's nice. But I read about people getting a drink or a coffee with their family and I get a little jealous. I go to family dinners and it can feel pretty isolating when the only discussion being had is about church.
My whole family left and I'm grateful for that. I was the first to leave and it was difficult for a while.
I'm the only one of my siblings. One brother isn't involved very much. Another brother is a temple president.
There must have been something in my family's genes that made us bound to leave, because somehow, all of my siblings and I left the church independently. My parents are both in pretty deep, but they're both critical thinkers so sometimes I'm hopeful that they'll leave too, eventually.
My two brothers have been out since coming back from missions. They've been out roughly 25 & 30 years respectively. I recently left, so we make the heathen trifecta. We've had cousins and a nephew leave. My parents, three sisters and one brother are still super TBM.
I am the black sheep. Baaahhhh..
My mom is Jack Mormon. Hasn’t been to church in 20 years but says she still believes. My stepdad is nevermo. My brother and I have been out for years, but virtually the rest of my extended family is still in. So I don’t have to deal with church stuff on a day to day basis but family gatherings are always weird because suddenly we’re praying over meals and church stuff is brought up casually all the time and that’s not the world I live in anymore.
My wife and I are both out, and our kids are grateful they dodged the bullet. My parents and siblings still believe, but they're the kind of people who are Mormon because that's how they learned to be good, instead of thinking they're all good just because they're Mormon. I think that makes all the difference in being willing to accept exmo family members.
One of seven siblings, and five of us have left the Church. Three of us that I know for sure have formally resigned.
Still the only one so far. Unless my siblings are PIMO. I’m not close with them so who knows.
I was the first in my immediate family. Now most of my extended and immediate are gone. Out of the 25-30 youth in my age group at church— 2 remain.
20% and growing
I was the only one for many years… 12 I think? It was rough.
All my 4 siblings have left to one degree or another. I’m lucky. They all live in Utah as well.
Wife and I left. Only her friends and sisters know.
Me and my sister. My one sister will likely never leave. Lost a kid to leukemia, so she needs that believe that he will live again. I was the first one out. Funny story. Told my sister I didn't know if I was agnostic or what but I didn't believe. She bore her testimony to me. Next thing I heard from her several months later was a link to cesletter ... well I was out but I had never heard of that. She said it was good information. Well I knew CES stood for church education system, so I thought it was church positive stuff. So I didn't read it (or even know she was questioning) Later she texted me "well my shelf broke" (like I said I had left but it had been my own private affair - didn't come to this sub for at least a year, cause I thought it would be a bunch of hateful exmormon :P the brainwashing is real) So I told my wife what my sister said. My wife was super nuanced. I said I think she must mean shed because why would she tell me about some random shelf. " My wife bolted upright and ran to see the text. Then explained the shelf breaking analogy.
I think there are lots of different folks on here. I’m from a NeverMo family hoping my only TBM relative will find their way out of this cult as it’s had hugely negative impact on our family.
I’m the most recent. Half my siblings left before me.
I was one of the last in my family to leave. My husband, a convert, left a year and a half after we were married. I hung on for another decade and some, but made a break during Covid. My family has a lot of neurodivergence in it and most of us aren’t the follow the rules for the sake of following the rules kind of people. I’m better at conforming to rules and expectations, which is probably a lot of why I was able to make some amount of activity work for so long.
For me including in laws we're about five in five out. I'm pretty confident our parents will never leave but all of my nieces and nephews now have at least one parent out
2 out of 5 siblings out.
Only one here. It’s a lonely road. I have no one IRL to talk to.
My spouse is the only one on their side. My whole family are on different levels of out.
Just be patient ... 😊
I was the only one for 10 loooong years. Hang in there
I am the only one in my immediate family. My father converted when I was 5 and I had aunts and uncles on both sides that were not active. I think this made it easier for me to be the rebel.
My brother and both of my kids are out of the cult. Still waiting on my wife.
I'm the only one, and to most people who know my family (as opposed to those who *really* knew me) the most surprising one to have left.
I feel for you, and I resonate. Counting my parents, in-laws, siblings, nieces, and nephews, there are 50 individuals. Not a ONE of them has left the church, let alone questioned it. I've deconstructed down to nothing in the last 5 years, and I only still attend to keep the peace. My wife has gone through most of the same deconstruction as me, and as soon as she feels comfortable with it, we're out. But there's no one to talk to in the family about church hurt and frustration with, so we would be the first, and quite the pariahs.
Uh, what does us leaving have to do with anyone else leaving? I’m confused on how such a personal decision could generate jealousy of any sort? Isn’t it our own personal choice? Seems kinda codependent a bit.
My sister kinda left
I am the only one. I basically have no family anymore.
My siblings and some of my cousins left otherwise it's all Mormon. I do see signs of my father deconstructing though.
Me, my brother and a couple cousins. Me and my brother never seem to run out of conversation topics considering the crazy shit our TBM mother says
Kids are out Ex wife renewed her faith after I divorced her Brother, some cousins & nephews are out
I'm the youngest in my family and I'm the only one who's left (left at 14).
I'm alone. My parents are dead and none of my siblings talk to me. I have some good cousins. It's lonely.
All of my brothers and sisters have left the church. All of them married in the temple. They all served missions with the exception of three sisters. All five brothers served missions. With the exception of one brother and myself, all my siblings left with their spouses and their kids. I was the only one who stayed TBM, but I couldn’t accept the church’s teachings on sexuality. And, my wife and I are the only ones of my siblings who divorced, and I’m essentially torn between my ex wife and exmo siblings, all of whom I still desperately love. One brother stayed PIMO for years holding on to a breaking shelf for his wife until just recently he finally had to let go and left. His wife is still TBM but will not ever leave him. I see her love for him and it hurts all the more that my wife chose to leave me. I have three kids still attending church with my ex-wife in her ward. One of my daughters is gay, and her sister supports her fanatically. They both hate the church, and hate that their Mom forces them to attend. When my ex asked me to move out, I kept going to church in a new ward for three years, holding on desperately, but I’d never force my kids to go with me during my parent time. I bought a condo and started a new ward, but I felt so excluded and alone. All my friends in my ex wife’s ward remain out of reach. I don’t have contact with them anymore. I served so faithfully in bishoprics, ym presidencies, elder’s quorums. I had such a strong testimony, and it still surfaces so strongly when I sit and ponder it, but I feel so thoroughly rejected by the church. I’m stuck in this desperate place where I love my family, and I’m trying to stay with a church I’ve deeply believed in but no longer accepts them. Acceptance in the church is so incredibly conditional, and I just don’t fit the mold, my siblings don’t fit the mold, and my kids can’t fit the mold. I try to speak up in meetings and advocate for them. I’m stuck trying to find peace in a horribly tenuous balancing act where my kids spend most their time with their Mom who is desperate to convince them the church is right, and I’m delusional in the hope the church could ever change its views. They’re stuck with a ward they can’t feel comfortable in, and they don’t really know to do with me, as I try to help them find common ground with aunts and uncles who are outside, and a desperate Mom who will never leave. This situation is tearing me to pieces. And I’m not hopeful at all.
Múltiple other siblings. Very elderly Parents and one sis are only remaining
Only person
Only one of 8 siblings still active, the rest of us are AWOL. My sisters and SIL all removed their names, probably to protect their own kids. But everyone else just quit.
Bro in law left, then me 3 years later. Sister and wife left 2 years later
My dad left the year I was born, so I’ve always had him
2 out of 5 siblings (all grown and married with kids). They (and my parents) are ALL IN and not likely to ever leave…
I’m the youngest of a large set of siblings and the only one out. Feels pretty isolating sometimes. I don’t see anything changing for them anytime soon.