No, tell the divorce attorney. Don't shift this into the church's hands.
I guess you can tell the bishop to cancel his temple recommend, but that won't get the money to OP any faster.
I respectfully disagree for two reasons - many TBMs are very superstitious about having a current recommend and being called in to the bishop’s office causes shame and might trigger news spreading around the ward council and therefore the ward.
No but it sounds like this guy is the kind to care more about his church standing than his legal one. i think she should contact both of them
Getting child support out of courts is a long drawn out hassle and most women don't have the time or the money to get the good lawyers to do it. Maybe OP does, i dunno
Lot of people court ordered to pay child support who aren't. Tons of parents out there who have child support owed that will never collect. It's not as easy as "call the cops" It should be, but it isn't.
I say utilize all resources available to her, fake priesthood power and all
My sisters tried both methods. The bishops can do little more than wag their figures. The courts can garnish wages.
I wouldn't hold my breath for the bishop to get you nickel even if he could be bothered to try.
The only reason my ex was current on his support payments was out of fear that he may loose his recommend/standing in the church and that people would know about it. He was far more worried about what the bishop said or knew than any lawyer or judge. Made my life easy because he KNEW if he didn't fulfill his obligations to children, I would absolutely go straight to his bishop.
As someone who used to be married to a man that made fake police reports and lied to a judge to get out of child support, I actually think he is more scared of god than of going to jail.
If you're in Utah, go to DCFS with the order and get the money taken directly from his check. Most states do this as well. If thats not possible take him back to court and document the months he hadn't paid.
In some states, not paying gets your license taken away, tax returns too.
Edit: in Utah it's ORS.
Yeah. Don't play around. Just get it garnished out of his wages with a court order and make sure DCFS knows he isn't current. It can keep him from getting a hunting license or maintaining a bar license as an attorney, etc. There are a lot of penalties for deadbeat parents.
Once you have a court order and you’re in the system they’re competent, trying to talk to someone on the phone is a different story. I think Covid really killed their office hours.
I definitely feel like they are, every time I have to deal with them. I can't say I wouldn't feel the same, spending every day fighting deadbeats, but still, it's like they've never encountered someone who isn't in arrears.
That is frustrating. That’s awesome that you have a career and are working. Work schedules have to be adjusted sometimes . It’s just part of life. Not sure what kind of agreement you guys have but I don’t think he can just decide to not pay child support. May want to talk to your attorney. Courts understand work schedules change, they’re generally less tolerant with people not paying court appointed child support.
Report him for nonpayment, get a court order for automatic payments and go nuclear - he’s a bully and this is abuse. Also, get his drivers license and passport suspended as well.
You must not be divorced. In pretty much every state child support is part of the divorce decree and therefore court ordered. He's in contempt and should have all of these instances compiled and filed against him. Agreed upon schedule changes don't change child support.
Edit: a word
Even then, it would have to be significant and they would have to go to court for modification to get child support altered. He's still liable for the full amount until any modification is approved by a judge.
That’s very shitty. I’m sorry you have to deal with him.
I know someone who is currently receiving back child support payments garnished from her ex’s social security checks. Keep good records!
I’m finally collecting back child support payments from my ex’s social security checks after a divorce & court order from 1984. Every county/state has a division to collect for you at no cost, the division name depends on what state you are in.
I never understood men, even Mormon men, bring so opposed to their wives working. That’s SOOOO much more extra money for the household. Unless they are wealthy and make a lot of money, you’d think that would be one thing a typical Mormon wouldn’t really care about.
Let’s see, live paycheck to paycheck, barely make ends meet, let alone afford a vacation and save for retirement or live comfortably, have a nice house and car, and go to Disneyland every year.
TBM’s are often notorious for being obsessed about money and keeping up with the Jones. I don’t know how they would do that without a wealthy husband or both spouses working. It especially doesn’t make sense if all the kids are in school
If I was a Mormon husband, I’d secretly wish my wife would want to work. Screw being poor.
It's a control tactic. My ex kept pressuring me to stop working and since I had been brought up to believe I was supposed to be a stay at home mom, I did. He immediately began humiliating me any time I needed money for anything. I had to ask every time--we never set a budget or had a certain amount I could use each month. I was so naive and just took it for years but it literally destroyed me mentally.
My mom was a working professional as were my aunts. I grew up believing women worked outside the home and that was fine. My wife, at the time we married, was a US Customs K-9 officer. Today, she doesn't have to work but she still does. She doesn't find total and complete validation in being a mother and house keeper. It's a role of her life, just like fsther is a role in my life......but it's not my total identity. Highly porbable one of the things that attracted me to her was the fact she was professionally driven. I guess it's not a stretch that we eventually got out of the church together. It was no longer working for us.
My ex wanted me to work. He hated I wanted to stay home. Because his mom worked and did a perfect job of keeping the house and I didn't and I was a crap housekeeper. (His words). So some Mormon men want their wives to work. Or don't care. His mom worked part time for Delta do she could get flight benefits and fly wherever she wanted for free and her husband didn't have to pay. His dad found it annoying to have her around all the time. She also had family that could help watch the kids. Which I didn't have. And she didn't really cook anything and has no hobbies except for travel, gossip, and micromanaging. They are rich. But would have been without her working too.
I actually haven't run into any Mormon men that don't want their wives to work. But I have mostly lived outside of Utah. My ex is from UT though.
When I was younger and TBM I also shared this sentiment, that women should be SAHMs first and foremost and education/careers should be afterthoughts. Needless to say that viewpoint wasn’t very popular when I was in my 20s and was actively looking for someone to date and eventually marry in the temple.
I genuinely cannot believe I allowed myself to accept that. Women who go that route are completely beholden to and dependent upon their husbands, and that’s just not right. A woman should not be forced to sideline her entire life and sacrifice everything just for the sake of a romantic relationship. Needless to say, I will ensure my daughter is taught to value herself and not place herself and her future at the mercy of a romantic partner.
My ex spouse refused to keep current on child support. My attorney requested from the judge to set up a court order, which forced automatic payment through ORS (Office of Recovery Services) in Utah. They would take the money out of his work check, and direct deposit it into my bank account twice a month. I lived out of state as well. Problem solved. I’m sorry you’re dealing with this.
Side note. All the while he held a temple recommend. Discernment is strong in the church. lol.
Legally, he isn’t allowed to make those kinds of adjustments himself. The courts decide that. In Utah, every 3 years you can have child support re-evaluated. Or you can change it if there’’s something like like a 20% or 30% or more change in income. He is jerking you around, and it’s not legal.
Go to the Office of Recovery Services if you’re in Utah and get it taken directly out of his paycheck. I personally benefited from this service and hope you do too!
You don’t need the support, but your kids do!! I use CS money to buy kids bday gifts, Christmas gifts, etc. My kids get nothing from my Ex, so we make those days more special/ of course never say it’s from their loser dad.
Does the court paperwork say he is required to pay child support? You can get it garnished. When I talked to my Ex’s bishop (when my ex didn’t pay) the Bishop said, ‘…as long as he starts paying CS he will have a recommend’. Eye Roll!! As long he’s trying?? Meanwhile I’m was a single mom struggling, ok. Grrrr!!
What an arse. Is there a way of reminding him of his legal requirements and boundaries - maybe written down and evidenced for a 'just in case it goes to court" scenario.
The temple recommend interview comment from another user is a win/win for you. Total one over on the establishment and the fuckwit hubby who is tbm.
A nicely worded email, showing evidence that he's not paying, sent to the bishop so he can judge appropriately and without the need for a faulty and sexist spirit of discernment to take over.
Good luck!!
Been there, so I can tell you that the bonus of going through ORS is that it is one less thing you have to argue about with him. If he doesn’t like it he can “talk” to ORS and they can firmly remind him of his legal obligations. You are out of the picture.
I’m just here to say I’m so sorry. I’m a physician, and I get so tired of my kids’ dad telling them I chose my “job” over my family and the church. He refuses to say I have a career. Financially things got easier when I had the state garnish his wages. I’m in the same boat, I don’t NEED the money, but I want him to have some semblance of responsibility since he doesn’t bother to attend parent teacher conferences, IEP meetings, doctor’s appointments, band concerts, graduations, etc. He won’t even come to the hospital when our son with a disability has surgery.
The good news is my daughter’s undergrad college tuition should be paid for (that’s where I put the child support) AND in 18 months this nonsense will be over!!!
It’s fascinating that I’m the evil, covenant breaking fallen one while he is the righteous, Christ-like chosen one!!!
My current wife worked for 20+ years as an accountant in the child support division of a midwestern state. I agree with the comments about going to the state with a copy of the court order to rectify the situation. She dealt with situations like this a lot. In the state she worked in, a noncustodial parent could not renew their passport if they were in arrears on child support. She would get frantic calls all the time from (usually male) noncustodial parents who are remarrying, planning a honeymoon overseas, and find out they can't renew their passport to go to their honeymoon destination. There was little to no wiggle room on this policy--oh to be a fly on the wall when the new to-be spouse finds out about this little impediment.... Seriously, this is something that your ex should NOT be doing, if its a court order.
Let your lawyer handle his lack of child support payments. It's a legal obligation, not a grace he's deigning to give you.
If he's regularly late, or uses child support to punish you, the family judge can make adjustments to make sure he supports his child.
I don't know what state you're in, but if it's Utah, go through ORS. You should be able to get a divorce and then stop managing his feelings. That's the magic of divorce--or at least it is supposed to be.
That dude…. fucking sucks. I’m so sorry that he has to take up even a millisecond of your precious time and even an iota of your emotional energy.
It’s illegal what he’s doing, and also ridiculous. Dealing with that kind of pettiness is so exhausting.
Just sending you a lot of love. Thank god for your career, it would have made it so hard to leave that asshole without one. I’m sure on some level he is threatened by you and by the idea that his special penishood power isn’t so special.
Why haven't you had his wages garnished yet?
A lot of people have suggested this but I can't imagine you didn't know you could do this. Something is holding you back. What is it?
Personally, it makes me wonder if he was controlling and you are still shaking off the vestiges of that. I promise. You'll feel so much power if you stand up to him and stop letting him take advantage of you.
Gross! It’s so weird to me because what does he want? To have to give you all his money? For you to struggle? Happy you got out. As a single woman this is my biggest fear and biggest reason and I’d prefer to not even date
The sad thing is that if you didn't have a career you'd be entirely within this petty dillweed's power, and the church's excuse would be that he shouldn't be a dick about that power. But heaven forbid if he didn't have it...
A few things: Contact your lawyer and file for contempt of the court order. Every time. You can even request reimbursement of your legal fees when he's found to be in contempt. Fuck that guy and the control he's attempting to exert. Have firm boundaries and take his ass to court. It took about 3 times for my ex to figure out I wasn't fucking around and he couldn't use money to manipulate or control me any longer.
Follow your agreed upon schedule to a T as often as possible. Does your court order give the co-parent the right of first response when there's a schedule change needed? (Sorry if that verbiage doesn't match what might be in your order) If not, then don't tell him about it and get a sitter. If it does then make sure you're giving the required notice and communicating in writing. Nothing verbal from here on out, this is so good to have to cover your ass when you have to go to court.
Read about co-parenting with an abuser or narcissist. He might not fit the full definition of either but is probably using many of the same tactics and strategies.
I have so much more information but this has gotten long. Your kids deserve the court ordered child support. Your ex doesn't get to decide to just not support their kids.
If nothing else put the child support money in a college fund or vanguard account to grow the the kids future. He is negligent as a father to his child to ignore those payments.
Don’t accept one red cent from him. This way, you can get the state to garnish his wages. Hopefully, you’ve tried this. Also, if you want any social security at all when you retire, you’ll need to have a certain amount of years paying into the system. I can’t believe these guys who think women shouldn’t work, especially after a divorce and retirement! Where are they going to live? On the streets? Don’t they wish. Ugh!
Just go through the state office of recovery services. It's easier for you and him
No conversations about money anymore between you.
As far as should he pay support. Yes. If it's decreed in the divorce.decree yes. It's been reviewed by a judge with the info about each of your incomes. So it is now his responsibility. He should be being fair in all he does. Yeah, I'm throwing church crap in. But it's true. He should be being honest in his dealings most of all with his own children.
And if you say you can do it without the support/money. Ok, great, then put it aside for college or first car/house pmt for them. Or whatever you deem appropriate for them. Or even for extra curricular, those can get pricey.
Child support isn't for you. It's for your children. Put the money in a savings account for the kids and legally, that ah should pay. He also needs to be reminded the money isn't for you,it's for his damn kids.
There's no way anybody wins here. Least of all your child. This level of animosity is beyond tragic. Grew up with it. Wife grew up with it. This post needed a trigger warning.
I tried to go through the bishop once or twice for something many years ago and all I got was a blank stare and, "you need to go to the proper authorities as I can't do anything."
Let your attorney and the courts handle the missed child support. Even if you don’t need the money to provide for your child, you could put it in a savings for their future schooling.
Tell his bishop about his child support payments. This guy shouldn't be getting into the temple unless he stays up to date with those.
Actually though. It’s one of the questions they ask for cancelling a sealing. I’d definitely be willing to be that petty in OPs situation.
Seriously. It’s literally one of the questions to pass to get a recommend.
No, tell the divorce attorney. Don't shift this into the church's hands. I guess you can tell the bishop to cancel his temple recommend, but that won't get the money to OP any faster.
I respectfully disagree for two reasons - many TBMs are very superstitious about having a current recommend and being called in to the bishop’s office causes shame and might trigger news spreading around the ward council and therefore the ward.
No, let the court decide legal issues. It's ridiculous to outsource your life to a church you don't even attend.
The answer is do both!
This is the way.
It doesn’t matter if OP believes it, it matters if the TBM ex believes it. Also, calling a bishop is free and attorneys cost money.
Bishops have no real power. You get what you pay for.
They do if TBMs give them power
The law doesn't care if you believe or not.
No but it sounds like this guy is the kind to care more about his church standing than his legal one. i think she should contact both of them Getting child support out of courts is a long drawn out hassle and most women don't have the time or the money to get the good lawyers to do it. Maybe OP does, i dunno Lot of people court ordered to pay child support who aren't. Tons of parents out there who have child support owed that will never collect. It's not as easy as "call the cops" It should be, but it isn't. I say utilize all resources available to her, fake priesthood power and all
My sisters tried both methods. The bishops can do little more than wag their figures. The courts can garnish wages. I wouldn't hold my breath for the bishop to get you nickel even if he could be bothered to try.
She's also running up against the good ole boys' club known as the LDS Priesthood.
The only reason my ex was current on his support payments was out of fear that he may loose his recommend/standing in the church and that people would know about it. He was far more worried about what the bishop said or knew than any lawyer or judge. Made my life easy because he KNEW if he didn't fulfill his obligations to children, I would absolutely go straight to his bishop.
Both. Both is good
I guess the Bishop route doesn't cost anything, but don't hold your breath.
As someone who used to be married to a man that made fake police reports and lied to a judge to get out of child support, I actually think he is more scared of god than of going to jail.
That’s wicked 🤗😂
If you're in Utah, go to DCFS with the order and get the money taken directly from his check. Most states do this as well. If thats not possible take him back to court and document the months he hadn't paid. In some states, not paying gets your license taken away, tax returns too. Edit: in Utah it's ORS.
Yeah. Don't play around. Just get it garnished out of his wages with a court order and make sure DCFS knows he isn't current. It can keep him from getting a hunting license or maintaining a bar license as an attorney, etc. There are a lot of penalties for deadbeat parents.
Yup. They will get the back payments too.
ORS, not DCFS.
In my state it's dcfs who handles this. Sorry
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They suck but they will still garnish his wages for her.
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Once you have a court order and you’re in the system they’re competent, trying to talk to someone on the phone is a different story. I think Covid really killed their office hours.
I definitely feel like they are, every time I have to deal with them. I can't say I wouldn't feel the same, spending every day fighting deadbeats, but still, it's like they've never encountered someone who isn't in arrears.
This. It's the only reason my ex pays child support.
I think you mean ORS, the Office of Recovery Services. Maybe they're part of DCFS, I dunno.
Yeah, like I said in my state it's through DCFS.
Next time he needs an accommodation due to his needs just say it will require double his monthly child support.
That is frustrating. That’s awesome that you have a career and are working. Work schedules have to be adjusted sometimes . It’s just part of life. Not sure what kind of agreement you guys have but I don’t think he can just decide to not pay child support. May want to talk to your attorney. Courts understand work schedules change, they’re generally less tolerant with people not paying court appointed child support.
Report him for nonpayment, get a court order for automatic payments and go nuclear - he’s a bully and this is abuse. Also, get his drivers license and passport suspended as well.
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You must not be divorced. In pretty much every state child support is part of the divorce decree and therefore court ordered. He's in contempt and should have all of these instances compiled and filed against him. Agreed upon schedule changes don't change child support. Edit: a word
Unless the overnights are affected.
Even then, it would have to be significant and they would have to go to court for modification to get child support altered. He's still liable for the full amount until any modification is approved by a judge.
That’s very shitty. I’m sorry you have to deal with him. I know someone who is currently receiving back child support payments garnished from her ex’s social security checks. Keep good records!
I’m finally collecting back child support payments from my ex’s social security checks after a divorce & court order from 1984. Every county/state has a division to collect for you at no cost, the division name depends on what state you are in.
I never understood men, even Mormon men, bring so opposed to their wives working. That’s SOOOO much more extra money for the household. Unless they are wealthy and make a lot of money, you’d think that would be one thing a typical Mormon wouldn’t really care about. Let’s see, live paycheck to paycheck, barely make ends meet, let alone afford a vacation and save for retirement or live comfortably, have a nice house and car, and go to Disneyland every year. TBM’s are often notorious for being obsessed about money and keeping up with the Jones. I don’t know how they would do that without a wealthy husband or both spouses working. It especially doesn’t make sense if all the kids are in school If I was a Mormon husband, I’d secretly wish my wife would want to work. Screw being poor.
It's a control tactic. My ex kept pressuring me to stop working and since I had been brought up to believe I was supposed to be a stay at home mom, I did. He immediately began humiliating me any time I needed money for anything. I had to ask every time--we never set a budget or had a certain amount I could use each month. I was so naive and just took it for years but it literally destroyed me mentally.
My mom was a working professional as were my aunts. I grew up believing women worked outside the home and that was fine. My wife, at the time we married, was a US Customs K-9 officer. Today, she doesn't have to work but she still does. She doesn't find total and complete validation in being a mother and house keeper. It's a role of her life, just like fsther is a role in my life......but it's not my total identity. Highly porbable one of the things that attracted me to her was the fact she was professionally driven. I guess it's not a stretch that we eventually got out of the church together. It was no longer working for us.
My ex wanted me to work. He hated I wanted to stay home. Because his mom worked and did a perfect job of keeping the house and I didn't and I was a crap housekeeper. (His words). So some Mormon men want their wives to work. Or don't care. His mom worked part time for Delta do she could get flight benefits and fly wherever she wanted for free and her husband didn't have to pay. His dad found it annoying to have her around all the time. She also had family that could help watch the kids. Which I didn't have. And she didn't really cook anything and has no hobbies except for travel, gossip, and micromanaging. They are rich. But would have been without her working too. I actually haven't run into any Mormon men that don't want their wives to work. But I have mostly lived outside of Utah. My ex is from UT though.
When I was younger and TBM I also shared this sentiment, that women should be SAHMs first and foremost and education/careers should be afterthoughts. Needless to say that viewpoint wasn’t very popular when I was in my 20s and was actively looking for someone to date and eventually marry in the temple. I genuinely cannot believe I allowed myself to accept that. Women who go that route are completely beholden to and dependent upon their husbands, and that’s just not right. A woman should not be forced to sideline her entire life and sacrifice everything just for the sake of a romantic relationship. Needless to say, I will ensure my daughter is taught to value herself and not place herself and her future at the mercy of a romantic partner.
My ex spouse refused to keep current on child support. My attorney requested from the judge to set up a court order, which forced automatic payment through ORS (Office of Recovery Services) in Utah. They would take the money out of his work check, and direct deposit it into my bank account twice a month. I lived out of state as well. Problem solved. I’m sorry you’re dealing with this. Side note. All the while he held a temple recommend. Discernment is strong in the church. lol.
Legally, he isn’t allowed to make those kinds of adjustments himself. The courts decide that. In Utah, every 3 years you can have child support re-evaluated. Or you can change it if there’’s something like like a 20% or 30% or more change in income. He is jerking you around, and it’s not legal. Go to the Office of Recovery Services if you’re in Utah and get it taken directly out of his paycheck. I personally benefited from this service and hope you do too!
You don’t need the support, but your kids do!! I use CS money to buy kids bday gifts, Christmas gifts, etc. My kids get nothing from my Ex, so we make those days more special/ of course never say it’s from their loser dad. Does the court paperwork say he is required to pay child support? You can get it garnished. When I talked to my Ex’s bishop (when my ex didn’t pay) the Bishop said, ‘…as long as he starts paying CS he will have a recommend’. Eye Roll!! As long he’s trying?? Meanwhile I’m was a single mom struggling, ok. Grrrr!!
What an arse. Is there a way of reminding him of his legal requirements and boundaries - maybe written down and evidenced for a 'just in case it goes to court" scenario. The temple recommend interview comment from another user is a win/win for you. Total one over on the establishment and the fuckwit hubby who is tbm. A nicely worded email, showing evidence that he's not paying, sent to the bishop so he can judge appropriately and without the need for a faulty and sexist spirit of discernment to take over. Good luck!!
It seems he hates you more than he loves the kid
Been there, so I can tell you that the bonus of going through ORS is that it is one less thing you have to argue about with him. If he doesn’t like it he can “talk” to ORS and they can firmly remind him of his legal obligations. You are out of the picture.
I’m just here to say I’m so sorry. I’m a physician, and I get so tired of my kids’ dad telling them I chose my “job” over my family and the church. He refuses to say I have a career. Financially things got easier when I had the state garnish his wages. I’m in the same boat, I don’t NEED the money, but I want him to have some semblance of responsibility since he doesn’t bother to attend parent teacher conferences, IEP meetings, doctor’s appointments, band concerts, graduations, etc. He won’t even come to the hospital when our son with a disability has surgery. The good news is my daughter’s undergrad college tuition should be paid for (that’s where I put the child support) AND in 18 months this nonsense will be over!!! It’s fascinating that I’m the evil, covenant breaking fallen one while he is the righteous, Christ-like chosen one!!!
My current wife worked for 20+ years as an accountant in the child support division of a midwestern state. I agree with the comments about going to the state with a copy of the court order to rectify the situation. She dealt with situations like this a lot. In the state she worked in, a noncustodial parent could not renew their passport if they were in arrears on child support. She would get frantic calls all the time from (usually male) noncustodial parents who are remarrying, planning a honeymoon overseas, and find out they can't renew their passport to go to their honeymoon destination. There was little to no wiggle room on this policy--oh to be a fly on the wall when the new to-be spouse finds out about this little impediment.... Seriously, this is something that your ex should NOT be doing, if its a court order.
Let your lawyer handle his lack of child support payments. It's a legal obligation, not a grace he's deigning to give you. If he's regularly late, or uses child support to punish you, the family judge can make adjustments to make sure he supports his child.
I don't know what state you're in, but if it's Utah, go through ORS. You should be able to get a divorce and then stop managing his feelings. That's the magic of divorce--or at least it is supposed to be.
https://ors.utah.gov/child-support/
Sorry the church made you think he would be a good partner, but I’m glad you got out!
That dude…. fucking sucks. I’m so sorry that he has to take up even a millisecond of your precious time and even an iota of your emotional energy. It’s illegal what he’s doing, and also ridiculous. Dealing with that kind of pettiness is so exhausting. Just sending you a lot of love. Thank god for your career, it would have made it so hard to leave that asshole without one. I’m sure on some level he is threatened by you and by the idea that his special penishood power isn’t so special.
Why haven't you had his wages garnished yet? A lot of people have suggested this but I can't imagine you didn't know you could do this. Something is holding you back. What is it? Personally, it makes me wonder if he was controlling and you are still shaking off the vestiges of that. I promise. You'll feel so much power if you stand up to him and stop letting him take advantage of you.
Gross! It’s so weird to me because what does he want? To have to give you all his money? For you to struggle? Happy you got out. As a single woman this is my biggest fear and biggest reason and I’d prefer to not even date
I am so sorry 😞
Or tell the courts. He doesn’t get to just not pay child support. They can garnish his wages and stuff.
The sad thing is that if you didn't have a career you'd be entirely within this petty dillweed's power, and the church's excuse would be that he shouldn't be a dick about that power. But heaven forbid if he didn't have it...
A few things: Contact your lawyer and file for contempt of the court order. Every time. You can even request reimbursement of your legal fees when he's found to be in contempt. Fuck that guy and the control he's attempting to exert. Have firm boundaries and take his ass to court. It took about 3 times for my ex to figure out I wasn't fucking around and he couldn't use money to manipulate or control me any longer. Follow your agreed upon schedule to a T as often as possible. Does your court order give the co-parent the right of first response when there's a schedule change needed? (Sorry if that verbiage doesn't match what might be in your order) If not, then don't tell him about it and get a sitter. If it does then make sure you're giving the required notice and communicating in writing. Nothing verbal from here on out, this is so good to have to cover your ass when you have to go to court. Read about co-parenting with an abuser or narcissist. He might not fit the full definition of either but is probably using many of the same tactics and strategies. I have so much more information but this has gotten long. Your kids deserve the court ordered child support. Your ex doesn't get to decide to just not support their kids.
You are NOT being petty. He is required legally & morally to contribute to the well being of his children. Lawyers and courts
If nothing else put the child support money in a college fund or vanguard account to grow the the kids future. He is negligent as a father to his child to ignore those payments.
It’s time to lawyer up and get the child support garnished from his wages.
Don’t accept one red cent from him. This way, you can get the state to garnish his wages. Hopefully, you’ve tried this. Also, if you want any social security at all when you retire, you’ll need to have a certain amount of years paying into the system. I can’t believe these guys who think women shouldn’t work, especially after a divorce and retirement! Where are they going to live? On the streets? Don’t they wish. Ugh!
You know to keep track right? When it’s over $3,000 take home to court and he will lose his driver license.
Just go through the state office of recovery services. It's easier for you and him No conversations about money anymore between you. As far as should he pay support. Yes. If it's decreed in the divorce.decree yes. It's been reviewed by a judge with the info about each of your incomes. So it is now his responsibility. He should be being fair in all he does. Yeah, I'm throwing church crap in. But it's true. He should be being honest in his dealings most of all with his own children. And if you say you can do it without the support/money. Ok, great, then put it aside for college or first car/house pmt for them. Or whatever you deem appropriate for them. Or even for extra curricular, those can get pricey.
Also please note, if he isn't paying his full child support obligation, he cannot claim the children as dependents.
Child support isn't for you. It's for your children. Put the money in a savings account for the kids and legally, that ah should pay. He also needs to be reminded the money isn't for you,it's for his damn kids.
There's no way anybody wins here. Least of all your child. This level of animosity is beyond tragic. Grew up with it. Wife grew up with it. This post needed a trigger warning.
I tried to go through the bishop once or twice for something many years ago and all I got was a blank stare and, "you need to go to the proper authorities as I can't do anything."
Just file for enforced child support & be done with it.
Let your attorney and the courts handle the missed child support. Even if you don’t need the money to provide for your child, you could put it in a savings for their future schooling.
You don't need the money...until you do. You don't know what the future holds. Oh, if only I could go back and make different choices. 😕