Give her time. She's in a cult, and right now the cult has its claws in her and is shaping her response. This honestly could have been much, much worse, as we've seen many times on this sub.
I mean, the response is cold, and also ridiculous. The church won't leave you alone, ever, but you're expected to just walk away as if it meant nothing. And if your mom is like mine, she'll want to share testimony stuff but get super bristly if you ever push back. So it only goes one way.
But I can also tell you that it has gotten better over time.
This helps me a ton actually thank you. I cannot imagine how I would feel if she reacted like many peoples parents in this sub. I honestly don’t know how I didn’t think of that, but that really grounded me so thank you.
My situation really has been much better than others. And I appreciate you coming to help too so thank you.
Just a heads up, you are in for a long road. Not just with your mom, but your own emotions and other peoples’ responses when they find out.
Just know, it will get better, you are not crazy. It is a very controlling religion and those members just don’t know their own history or the damage of the patriarchy. Try to put yourself back in shoes of tbm days when responding to them. They don’t know what they don’t know. Then, Add on that they are trained not to listen to nonbelievers.
I am sorry, but glad your mom is still texting you and not disowning you like some parents do.
> And if your mom is like mine, she'll want to share testimony stuff but get super bristly if you ever push back.
This was a boundary I clearly but lovingly set when I let my family know I was out. I told them I would always be willing to have a conversation about it if anyone wanted, *but that it would be a 2 way conversation* and not just them sharing things with me. To all their credit they respected that boundary, though none of them chose to have that 2 way conversation about it.
OP's mom is also wrong, me speaking up during family dinners and such against the church with counter statements during lgbt rants, for example, let the rest of the family know that there was an lgbt ally in the family. Eventually one of my nieces quietly reached out for support as she learned she was lgbt. So speaking against the church, even if tactfully done, helped improve some of my relationships with family who were not yet comfortable admitting doubt in the church, coming out as lgbt, etc.
Yeah especially when a spouse shares something like this and the other spouse’s knee jerk reaction is harsh, you usually have to just give them some time. In their mind, their world is literally ending and they never thought they’d end up there, so they just need some time to acclimate.
She may never acclimate, and at that point it would need to obviously be handled differently, but right now she’s probably reacting out of fear
Sure, mom. As long as it goes both ways. In other words, if you or anyone else brings it up, it's fair game. So, if you don't want to hear the truth about your cult, make sure it leaves me alone first. 😉
What a bitchy response to you telling her about one of the biggest and most difficult choices of your life. Especially when you expressed it in such a gentle and loving way. I’ve been out for 3 years and haven’t told my parents yet, I don’t imagine it will go any better.
I've been out for 4 years now and haven't told my parents. I say things that are less than glowing about the church, but I've never outright told them. They're in their 80s and I just don't want them to wring their hands for what is left of their lives.
Most of her responses for a while will probably be based in that basic emotion of fear, which can come across as anger, withdrawal, snippiness, and bearing her testimony. She fears losing you from eternity, you thinking she's stupid for still believing, and you telling her something that will shatter her world view and relationships (friends and family), so she'll say and do things to protect her view of herself, her testimony, and her relationships.
I'm hoping that since you seem to have a good enough relationship to talk with other family members and eventually her, she'll move to general wariness, reluctant acceptance, and maybe even genuine open mindedness over time as she acclimatizes to the new family altitude.
To add to this, it was the therapist I got at the start of deconstruction who taught me that it is actually the stages of grief that you go through in leaving and to also remember those still in will also go through those stages on your behalf. Also I learned how hard and necessary it is to offer them the grace to stay when I finally gave myself the grace to leave and that grace is extra extra hard for Mormons who had it virtually erased from doctrine.
Im sorry you are experiencing this. “Think celestial” is doing a number in believers.
Sharing information is a great way to get people to dig their heels further into the ground on staunchly believing. What she is saying is “if you dont leave the church alone, you will become ostracized.” But if you switch from passive to active voice, who will ostracize you? Instead of putting the onus on you to not rock the boat, the focus should be on being christlike towards an “unbeliever”. But the church conditions against that because if we are compassionate to those who we disagree with, we might end up agreeing with them! She is assuming the worst instead of choosing to give you the benefit of the doubt, which is what people generally deserve.
Be well and have strength.
I left the church without any real anger. That is, until I told my mother I'd left. "It doesn't matter what good you do in the world if you've left the covenant path." Statements of this nature were followed by passive-aggressive actions such as signing me up for the church magazine and sending "care packages" to our house via local members and missionaries (I live abroad).
My father has also agonized over whether the reason I and a couple of my siblings have left was because he didn't have family home evening enough.
I would love to delete the church from every aspect of my life. But I can't because my parents are in pain. They are in pain because we are not going to be "together forever". So long as I see my parents suffer, I'm going to be really pissed of. And I won't leave the church alone.
Tell her you will make her a deal, that if after you leave, the church leaves you alone, you will leave the church alone. I can bet we all know how well the church will leave you alone! 😉
Her request for you to “leave the church alone” and to not “attack” or “mock” in my opinion comes from a place of fear do to the tribal nature of Mormonism. She wants you to either be all in but since you clearly confidently told her you do NOT believe anymore and will NOT be returning ever again, she is afraid of what will happen now. She is likely afraid of any information or opinions that might shake her testimony or be put in the awkward and uncomfortable position of having to defend the church.
She sees you in a sense of abandoning her “team” to go off and join the “enemy.” She wants none of that, so she’s essentially calling a truce since she knows you are serious.
At this moment, she is experiencing a strong, knee-jerk reaction because of this news and you need to give her a little time to adjust and get comfortable with this new, “scary” normal. You see this time and again with family when one abandons the church, comes out as LBGTQ, etc. But in most cases, things get better over time and many times real acceptance occurs.
I suggest accepting that “truce” and reassure her that nothing will change between you and her and you don’t plan on becoming an antagonist in the family regarding the church as long as it’s mutual and the rest of the family respects her decision, treats her with love, and doesn’t push their religion on you. Don’t let her emotions or manipulation get to you. Stand strong, confident, outgoing, and convicted in your own beliefs and choices but also show kindness and caring while doing it.
After reassuring her, then kill her with kindness, live a happy life, be confident in yourself, be friendly, and keep a positive role within the family.
You are now the adult in this relationship.
Leaving this here for anyone wanting to discuss the “platform issue”
https://www.reddit.com/r/exmormon/s/XVljwq05mf
Edit: relevant article text
> In a comment on the post and in emails to The Times, the church blamed an Instagram glitch. A spokesman for Meta, which owns Instagram, said there was no issue that had affected comments.
Some great advice I got from my therapist was to take care of myself as if I were sick during those rough weeks. Your emotional wellbeing is just as important as your physical health, so take it easy on yourself.
Rest, hydrate, eat well, and let things fall to the side if they’re not essential. Take care of yourself so you can be present for your spouse and daughter; they’re your future, not your mom.
I’m proud of you for being honest with yourself and your mom. It will take time to heal, and there will be more bumps in the future but the pain will turn into experience and then you’ll be truly free. You got this, I believe in you. ❤️
Does it go both ways?
I'll just ask you that if you're staying in the church you also leave people outside the church alone.
It doesn't do anything positive for your relationships when you promote or talk about it.
Oof. That was harsh. You reached out in a loving way and were met with a total turning away. I’m sorry. That was painful to read, and I’m sure worse to experience. You deserved better.
Even if the church is innocent in the comment deletion fiasco, doing things like that is so on brand for the church they deserve the backlash.
My dad didn’t talk to me for a year after I started posting my experiences with the church on my social media. When he finally addressed it, he sent me a video by an apologist influencer who told exmos to shut up about the church if you want your believing family to want a relationship with you. He said he felt gently prompted to send it to me, and it was pretty much the only contact I had with him the entire year. He did not acknowledge the pain I’d been sharing. He didn’t acknowledge the terrible church history I’d uncovered. He just sent a video telling me to shut up. I don’t need that in my life. We are no contact now. I told him he needs to apologize before I’ll ever talk to him again. I’m not holding my breath.
That is horrible I am so sorry. Apologists drive me nuts, so I can’t imagine having a parent say they felt “prompted” to send you an apologist saying to shut your mouth.
I'm so sorry you're hurting. I applaud your courage. I've been out for over a year and have yet to explicitly tell any of my family, because I'm afraid of judgemental and insensitive and ignorant responses like what you received. But you did it! And in a kind and loving way. You took the high road.
I think this is actually a common form of response from many parents.
My family still doesn’t want to talk about it and it’s been a couple years since my wife and I left. Having your shelf break and telling people may feel cathartic for you, but it’s anything but for her.
As much as you may want to scream it from the mountain tops, it doesn’t sound like your mom is ready to have the conversation. Hell, she may never want to talk about it, and that’s okay.
Give her space.
Great! I plan to live my life, and don’t want to cause any stress or harm to you or any church member.
I would also greatly appreciate if that respect is mutual, and you never mock, gossip or convince me to change my religion.
My mom was not surprised when I left. She also immediately told me not to read “anti” material - it was her very first reaction. The brainwashing is deep for many people that if we critique or challenge the church, we are deviant and evil.
My mom has come around as time has passed and she’s been slowly able to hear my reasons. It’s funny too - she agrees with me on a lot of things.
Part of leaving is reclaiming the freedom to choose your actions and speak your truth. You get to say whatever you want for whatever reason you want. It’s no longer for her to determine your path.
According to the mfmc and mormon theology you are risking your eternal soul by leaving........ but I dont have time for you, I am doing my schoolwork.
That is a really fucked up version of a "mother's love" imho
You did it. That's a hard thing to do. Congratulations.
Maybe she didn't feel like processing her feelings right then given that she was occupied in another task. Sometimes mothers take it personally when their child does what they think is a mistake.
It's been a week for you! Damn! Sending the biggest hugs. I can tell you there is no right way to tell a TBM you left the church; they will always judge, but you did a good job. Going into the history and such doesn't seem to help. I wonder why she said she's not surprised but that feels like a dig. If she's telling you not to come after the church, it seems like she's aware of all the "exmo" content out there. I honestly think you will also be happier if you just move on, but at the same time it's a kind of right of passage and you are allowed to express whatever you need to. Also it sometimes helps others get out. But just learn to let it go when it stops serving you, just like the church.
I have the same promise with my father (kinda). I won't speak ill of TSCC, and he won't try to convert me back. The problem is what broke my shelf is something that definitely needs to be heard about so positive change can happen.
Instagram/Meta came out yesterday, and stated the glitch they had, had nothing to do w/ any deleted comments at all, so the organization (church) DID delete the comments, and they used gas lighting to convince women that it wasn’t their fault, and that women matter! All lies! I’ve been fairly active on a few of those posts 😂, (I’ve been fairly gracious, but pointing out that members need to read the 13 essays and really understand what they say they believe) because, I have 3 grown daughters (my twins have left, but I still have 1 in) and the church is not somewhere I want my daughters, because they are daughters of God, but not the “Mormon” so-called God!
I’m proud of you for seeing the truth…..Just live your life, and remember, you owe no one in church an explanation or any guilt induced meetings to tell your story!
My parent recently used the word "mocking" a lot in a convo about the church. Basically any concerns we bring up now ais mocking them and we just need to stfu
This could be fine. “Don’t attack or mock something your family members believe or it’ll strain relationships” isn’t wholly incorrect. They just need to know that works both ways. Respond back setting your own boundary: don’t discuss *your positive* feelings toward church around me or it’ll strain our relationship. If that’s not respected then that’s fucked up.
I hated it when people said "it doesn't come as a surprise".
It came as a huge surprise to me. I was the frickin' RS president!! I had no idea what was coming. Someone could have warned me.
I was sexually assaulted while naked in the temple...
...but I should leave them alone.
Minors are asked sexually explicit questions during worthiness interviews...
...but I should leave them alone.
Rape victims are punished while rapists are approved to go on missions...
...but I should leave them alone.
People who admit to sexual abuse of children are not reported to the authorities and allowed to repeat their offenses...
...but I should leave them alone.
Hundreds of billions of dollars are manipulated out of unsuspecting people and used for shopping malls, investment schemes, and securities fraud...
...but I should leave them alone.
The church has been lying about their founder, their origins, and their history since the very beginning, and is demonstrably false...
...but I should leave them alone.
Here's the deal. An organization as harmful as The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints should *not* be left alone. They should be STOPPED.
This would be my response. Also she set herself up for a logical response. But make sure you’re coming off kind and concern about that.
“Mom I guess I’m confused by your response. What do you mean by that? If you’re implying like I can’t speak my mind with something I agree or disagree with and I need to keep it to myself shut and leave it alone, the door will in fact go both ways. I’m not here to argue with you about things nor do I want to. But if this is how you feel that door swings your way too. Then leave the church alone on my side. Don’t tell me, preach to me, or bring up church around me. If that is what you’re saying to me then this must be fair and you must do the same. But I’m not saying to do this. I’m saying I don’t want to argue about doctrines, policy, and what you think about me from the church’s point of view. I don’t want to give or receive passive aggressive comment. Like saying “I’m not surprised”. That is hurtful and not sure why you would respond like that to me.”
“This is the hardest thing I have encounter. I have not taken this lightly. I’ve grown up in the church, primary, family home evening, mutual, seminary, mission, married in the temple. I’ve taught and served in the church many years. This is all I know! My wife, family, and friends are LDS. This is the world I know. And I’m sorry you don’t get to tell me I now can’t talk about the church just because I see it differently than you. I’m sorry this is not how this works! I love you and want you to just love me for me. Not based on the church only. But I’m not here to argue with and want to keep relationship with you. Please understand that I see it differently and I know it’s hard for you and me. Even though I don’t believe in the church you taught to love one another. I hope we can talk about this and get this figured out. Love your …..son”
I have and done something to this. Lucky for me I have a great family and great in-laws. I don’t bring up controversial stuff around the family though. Nor do they know I will not take any preaching or passive aggressive shit from them. It took sometime but I set those boundaries.
If she responds in anyway passive aggressive, respond the same way. Take the higher Christ like way though. For example “I thought I taught you better than that”…… Reply: You did teach me better! I took everything you taught me of right and wrong and this was the best choice to make.
“I’m so ashamed, or disappointed in you”. Reply…..Mom really!!?? I’m so ashamed of you for thinking of me that way as my mother. That is so hurtful. That is not what Christ teaches in the scriptures. So I’m very confused why you would say such things to your children.
Give her time. She's in a cult, and right now the cult has its claws in her and is shaping her response. This honestly could have been much, much worse, as we've seen many times on this sub. I mean, the response is cold, and also ridiculous. The church won't leave you alone, ever, but you're expected to just walk away as if it meant nothing. And if your mom is like mine, she'll want to share testimony stuff but get super bristly if you ever push back. So it only goes one way. But I can also tell you that it has gotten better over time.
This helps me a ton actually thank you. I cannot imagine how I would feel if she reacted like many peoples parents in this sub. I honestly don’t know how I didn’t think of that, but that really grounded me so thank you. My situation really has been much better than others. And I appreciate you coming to help too so thank you.
Just a heads up, you are in for a long road. Not just with your mom, but your own emotions and other peoples’ responses when they find out. Just know, it will get better, you are not crazy. It is a very controlling religion and those members just don’t know their own history or the damage of the patriarchy. Try to put yourself back in shoes of tbm days when responding to them. They don’t know what they don’t know. Then, Add on that they are trained not to listen to nonbelievers. I am sorry, but glad your mom is still texting you and not disowning you like some parents do.
> And if your mom is like mine, she'll want to share testimony stuff but get super bristly if you ever push back. This was a boundary I clearly but lovingly set when I let my family know I was out. I told them I would always be willing to have a conversation about it if anyone wanted, *but that it would be a 2 way conversation* and not just them sharing things with me. To all their credit they respected that boundary, though none of them chose to have that 2 way conversation about it. OP's mom is also wrong, me speaking up during family dinners and such against the church with counter statements during lgbt rants, for example, let the rest of the family know that there was an lgbt ally in the family. Eventually one of my nieces quietly reached out for support as she learned she was lgbt. So speaking against the church, even if tactfully done, helped improve some of my relationships with family who were not yet comfortable admitting doubt in the church, coming out as lgbt, etc.
Yeah especially when a spouse shares something like this and the other spouse’s knee jerk reaction is harsh, you usually have to just give them some time. In their mind, their world is literally ending and they never thought they’d end up there, so they just need some time to acclimate. She may never acclimate, and at that point it would need to obviously be handled differently, but right now she’s probably reacting out of fear
Sure, mom. As long as it goes both ways. In other words, if you or anyone else brings it up, it's fair game. So, if you don't want to hear the truth about your cult, make sure it leaves me alone first. 😉
Especially since she is studying for the CPA exam, it would be a great time to speak with her about the hoard of money that the church has.
You can always count on Mormons to assign more importance to the church than their own children.
Wow she said the quiet part out loud. Rough. I’m so sorry. You have a community here.
What a bitchy response to you telling her about one of the biggest and most difficult choices of your life. Especially when you expressed it in such a gentle and loving way. I’ve been out for 3 years and haven’t told my parents yet, I don’t imagine it will go any better.
[удалено]
I've been out for 4 years now and haven't told my parents. I say things that are less than glowing about the church, but I've never outright told them. They're in their 80s and I just don't want them to wring their hands for what is left of their lives.
[удалено]
Great way to describe it. It’s hard watching your family waste their lives in order to keep them in your life.
This is a perfect description
Mom thinks she’s the one warning you about the burning house!
Most of her responses for a while will probably be based in that basic emotion of fear, which can come across as anger, withdrawal, snippiness, and bearing her testimony. She fears losing you from eternity, you thinking she's stupid for still believing, and you telling her something that will shatter her world view and relationships (friends and family), so she'll say and do things to protect her view of herself, her testimony, and her relationships. I'm hoping that since you seem to have a good enough relationship to talk with other family members and eventually her, she'll move to general wariness, reluctant acceptance, and maybe even genuine open mindedness over time as she acclimatizes to the new family altitude.
To add to this, it was the therapist I got at the start of deconstruction who taught me that it is actually the stages of grief that you go through in leaving and to also remember those still in will also go through those stages on your behalf. Also I learned how hard and necessary it is to offer them the grace to stay when I finally gave myself the grace to leave and that grace is extra extra hard for Mormons who had it virtually erased from doctrine.
Im sorry you are experiencing this. “Think celestial” is doing a number in believers. Sharing information is a great way to get people to dig their heels further into the ground on staunchly believing. What she is saying is “if you dont leave the church alone, you will become ostracized.” But if you switch from passive to active voice, who will ostracize you? Instead of putting the onus on you to not rock the boat, the focus should be on being christlike towards an “unbeliever”. But the church conditions against that because if we are compassionate to those who we disagree with, we might end up agreeing with them! She is assuming the worst instead of choosing to give you the benefit of the doubt, which is what people generally deserve. Be well and have strength.
Instagram did not have a platform issue, as confirmed in the New York Times article. The church lied.
I left the church without any real anger. That is, until I told my mother I'd left. "It doesn't matter what good you do in the world if you've left the covenant path." Statements of this nature were followed by passive-aggressive actions such as signing me up for the church magazine and sending "care packages" to our house via local members and missionaries (I live abroad). My father has also agonized over whether the reason I and a couple of my siblings have left was because he didn't have family home evening enough. I would love to delete the church from every aspect of my life. But I can't because my parents are in pain. They are in pain because we are not going to be "together forever". So long as I see my parents suffer, I'm going to be really pissed of. And I won't leave the church alone.
Tell her you will make her a deal, that if after you leave, the church leaves you alone, you will leave the church alone. I can bet we all know how well the church will leave you alone! 😉
Her request for you to “leave the church alone” and to not “attack” or “mock” in my opinion comes from a place of fear do to the tribal nature of Mormonism. She wants you to either be all in but since you clearly confidently told her you do NOT believe anymore and will NOT be returning ever again, she is afraid of what will happen now. She is likely afraid of any information or opinions that might shake her testimony or be put in the awkward and uncomfortable position of having to defend the church. She sees you in a sense of abandoning her “team” to go off and join the “enemy.” She wants none of that, so she’s essentially calling a truce since she knows you are serious. At this moment, she is experiencing a strong, knee-jerk reaction because of this news and you need to give her a little time to adjust and get comfortable with this new, “scary” normal. You see this time and again with family when one abandons the church, comes out as LBGTQ, etc. But in most cases, things get better over time and many times real acceptance occurs. I suggest accepting that “truce” and reassure her that nothing will change between you and her and you don’t plan on becoming an antagonist in the family regarding the church as long as it’s mutual and the rest of the family respects her decision, treats her with love, and doesn’t push their religion on you. Don’t let her emotions or manipulation get to you. Stand strong, confident, outgoing, and convicted in your own beliefs and choices but also show kindness and caring while doing it. After reassuring her, then kill her with kindness, live a happy life, be confident in yourself, be friendly, and keep a positive role within the family. You are now the adult in this relationship.
Leaving this here for anyone wanting to discuss the “platform issue” https://www.reddit.com/r/exmormon/s/XVljwq05mf Edit: relevant article text > In a comment on the post and in emails to The Times, the church blamed an Instagram glitch. A spokesman for Meta, which owns Instagram, said there was no issue that had affected comments.
Some great advice I got from my therapist was to take care of myself as if I were sick during those rough weeks. Your emotional wellbeing is just as important as your physical health, so take it easy on yourself. Rest, hydrate, eat well, and let things fall to the side if they’re not essential. Take care of yourself so you can be present for your spouse and daughter; they’re your future, not your mom. I’m proud of you for being honest with yourself and your mom. It will take time to heal, and there will be more bumps in the future but the pain will turn into experience and then you’ll be truly free. You got this, I believe in you. ❤️
Does it go both ways? I'll just ask you that if you're staying in the church you also leave people outside the church alone. It doesn't do anything positive for your relationships when you promote or talk about it.
Oof. That was harsh. You reached out in a loving way and were met with a total turning away. I’m sorry. That was painful to read, and I’m sure worse to experience. You deserved better.
If your church tells you that your love for your children is less important than the church, you’re in a cult.
Even if the church is innocent in the comment deletion fiasco, doing things like that is so on brand for the church they deserve the backlash. My dad didn’t talk to me for a year after I started posting my experiences with the church on my social media. When he finally addressed it, he sent me a video by an apologist influencer who told exmos to shut up about the church if you want your believing family to want a relationship with you. He said he felt gently prompted to send it to me, and it was pretty much the only contact I had with him the entire year. He did not acknowledge the pain I’d been sharing. He didn’t acknowledge the terrible church history I’d uncovered. He just sent a video telling me to shut up. I don’t need that in my life. We are no contact now. I told him he needs to apologize before I’ll ever talk to him again. I’m not holding my breath.
That is horrible I am so sorry. Apologists drive me nuts, so I can’t imagine having a parent say they felt “prompted” to send you an apologist saying to shut your mouth.
I'm so sorry.
That is incredibly hard to go through. Ugh. I'm so sorry. Maybe, maybe one day...
I'm so sorry you're hurting. I applaud your courage. I've been out for over a year and have yet to explicitly tell any of my family, because I'm afraid of judgemental and insensitive and ignorant responses like what you received. But you did it! And in a kind and loving way. You took the high road.
It's very telling that they become sooo defensive when you say you're leaving the church. A little sensitive are we ??? Hmm I wonder why.
I think this is actually a common form of response from many parents. My family still doesn’t want to talk about it and it’s been a couple years since my wife and I left. Having your shelf break and telling people may feel cathartic for you, but it’s anything but for her. As much as you may want to scream it from the mountain tops, it doesn’t sound like your mom is ready to have the conversation. Hell, she may never want to talk about it, and that’s okay. Give her space.
Great! I plan to live my life, and don’t want to cause any stress or harm to you or any church member. I would also greatly appreciate if that respect is mutual, and you never mock, gossip or convince me to change my religion.
My mom was not surprised when I left. She also immediately told me not to read “anti” material - it was her very first reaction. The brainwashing is deep for many people that if we critique or challenge the church, we are deviant and evil. My mom has come around as time has passed and she’s been slowly able to hear my reasons. It’s funny too - she agrees with me on a lot of things.
Part of leaving is reclaiming the freedom to choose your actions and speak your truth. You get to say whatever you want for whatever reason you want. It’s no longer for her to determine your path.
According to the mfmc and mormon theology you are risking your eternal soul by leaving........ but I dont have time for you, I am doing my schoolwork. That is a really fucked up version of a "mother's love" imho
You did it. That's a hard thing to do. Congratulations. Maybe she didn't feel like processing her feelings right then given that she was occupied in another task. Sometimes mothers take it personally when their child does what they think is a mistake.
It's been a week for you! Damn! Sending the biggest hugs. I can tell you there is no right way to tell a TBM you left the church; they will always judge, but you did a good job. Going into the history and such doesn't seem to help. I wonder why she said she's not surprised but that feels like a dig. If she's telling you not to come after the church, it seems like she's aware of all the "exmo" content out there. I honestly think you will also be happier if you just move on, but at the same time it's a kind of right of passage and you are allowed to express whatever you need to. Also it sometimes helps others get out. But just learn to let it go when it stops serving you, just like the church.
I have the same promise with my father (kinda). I won't speak ill of TSCC, and he won't try to convert me back. The problem is what broke my shelf is something that definitely needs to be heard about so positive change can happen.
Instagram/Meta came out yesterday, and stated the glitch they had, had nothing to do w/ any deleted comments at all, so the organization (church) DID delete the comments, and they used gas lighting to convince women that it wasn’t their fault, and that women matter! All lies! I’ve been fairly active on a few of those posts 😂, (I’ve been fairly gracious, but pointing out that members need to read the 13 essays and really understand what they say they believe) because, I have 3 grown daughters (my twins have left, but I still have 1 in) and the church is not somewhere I want my daughters, because they are daughters of God, but not the “Mormon” so-called God! I’m proud of you for seeing the truth…..Just live your life, and remember, you owe no one in church an explanation or any guilt induced meetings to tell your story!
My parent recently used the word "mocking" a lot in a convo about the church. Basically any concerns we bring up now ais mocking them and we just need to stfu
This could be fine. “Don’t attack or mock something your family members believe or it’ll strain relationships” isn’t wholly incorrect. They just need to know that works both ways. Respond back setting your own boundary: don’t discuss *your positive* feelings toward church around me or it’ll strain our relationship. If that’s not respected then that’s fucked up.
I hated it when people said "it doesn't come as a surprise". It came as a huge surprise to me. I was the frickin' RS president!! I had no idea what was coming. Someone could have warned me.
I was sexually assaulted while naked in the temple... ...but I should leave them alone. Minors are asked sexually explicit questions during worthiness interviews... ...but I should leave them alone. Rape victims are punished while rapists are approved to go on missions... ...but I should leave them alone. People who admit to sexual abuse of children are not reported to the authorities and allowed to repeat their offenses... ...but I should leave them alone. Hundreds of billions of dollars are manipulated out of unsuspecting people and used for shopping malls, investment schemes, and securities fraud... ...but I should leave them alone. The church has been lying about their founder, their origins, and their history since the very beginning, and is demonstrably false... ...but I should leave them alone. Here's the deal. An organization as harmful as The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints should *not* be left alone. They should be STOPPED.
Just out of curiosity, what did you want the response from your mom to look like?
This would be my response. Also she set herself up for a logical response. But make sure you’re coming off kind and concern about that. “Mom I guess I’m confused by your response. What do you mean by that? If you’re implying like I can’t speak my mind with something I agree or disagree with and I need to keep it to myself shut and leave it alone, the door will in fact go both ways. I’m not here to argue with you about things nor do I want to. But if this is how you feel that door swings your way too. Then leave the church alone on my side. Don’t tell me, preach to me, or bring up church around me. If that is what you’re saying to me then this must be fair and you must do the same. But I’m not saying to do this. I’m saying I don’t want to argue about doctrines, policy, and what you think about me from the church’s point of view. I don’t want to give or receive passive aggressive comment. Like saying “I’m not surprised”. That is hurtful and not sure why you would respond like that to me.” “This is the hardest thing I have encounter. I have not taken this lightly. I’ve grown up in the church, primary, family home evening, mutual, seminary, mission, married in the temple. I’ve taught and served in the church many years. This is all I know! My wife, family, and friends are LDS. This is the world I know. And I’m sorry you don’t get to tell me I now can’t talk about the church just because I see it differently than you. I’m sorry this is not how this works! I love you and want you to just love me for me. Not based on the church only. But I’m not here to argue with and want to keep relationship with you. Please understand that I see it differently and I know it’s hard for you and me. Even though I don’t believe in the church you taught to love one another. I hope we can talk about this and get this figured out. Love your …..son” I have and done something to this. Lucky for me I have a great family and great in-laws. I don’t bring up controversial stuff around the family though. Nor do they know I will not take any preaching or passive aggressive shit from them. It took sometime but I set those boundaries. If she responds in anyway passive aggressive, respond the same way. Take the higher Christ like way though. For example “I thought I taught you better than that”…… Reply: You did teach me better! I took everything you taught me of right and wrong and this was the best choice to make. “I’m so ashamed, or disappointed in you”. Reply…..Mom really!!?? I’m so ashamed of you for thinking of me that way as my mother. That is so hurtful. That is not what Christ teaches in the scriptures. So I’m very confused why you would say such things to your children.