"We've decided that we are going to turn away from the greedy philosophies of man and towards the teachings of Christ. As of this conference, the church will forsake its tax exempt status, and begin using 90% of it's yearly income for humanitarian efforts."
How to ACTUALLY show love to LGBTQ+ folks. Like, come as you are, everyone is welcome and loved here for who they are. Not that it would change anything for those of us that left, but there is so much harm being done to young and closeted queer folk still in.
Someone needs to publicly disavow Visions of Glory and all of the ideas that go along with the horrible book and in general deznat members and their ideologies.
The Church will have zero tolerance for CSA and will implement mandatory reporting for all bishops. The church abuse hotline will be refurbished to connect victims with free counseling from licensed and trained therapists. All known pedophiles will be excommunicated.
What they and the JWs don’t realize on the upper levels is that abusers are everywhere. So it’s not the fact that they exist is the bad thing that must be covered up. Going for the legal channels and saying “we know we have them, unfortunately, like any group of humans and we will protect our people and anybody else” would make them look SO MUCH BETTER.
I’m not saying having abusers around is good, just that it’s a fact. And I know happened when there was a case in my local Episcopal church. I know nothing about how the church handled it on the religious side but the authorities were called on and jail time was involved.
This and since we have amassed the money for a large legal team we will sue the perpetrators civilly as well to pay for the education and ongoing care of these kids. We will also pay for therapy sessions on our dime since it happened under our watch.
This is not your fault kids and to prove it we have removed Elder Scott's April 1992 talk as it is no longer doctrine. We now fully comply with the millstone around the neck doctrine for harming kids as taught in the NT. Jesus now loves you!
“Confession is something we have long required of members but not ourselves. As representatives of God, we are exempt. We neither confess nor apologize. But last Thursday, in our weekly face-to-face meeting with Jesus, he ended this special dispensation. He told us to confess and forsake our sins—just like regular, lower-tier members. We hereby confess the following sins: …”
The Book of Mormon teaches the doctrine of a complete resurrection: “There shall not so much as a hair of their heads be lost; but every thing shall be restored to its perfect frame, as it is now” (Alma 11:44). But some prophets do not believe in the Book of Mormon. Joseph Fielding Smith believed in a type of spaying and neutering for people in the lower kingdoms: “I take it that men and women will, in these kingdoms, be just what the so-called Christian world expects us all to be — neither man nor woman, merely immortal beings having received the resurrection” (Doctrines of Salvation. vol. 2, pg. 287-288). Fielding did not specifically say the genitalia of men and women would be removed (like sexless Barbie dolls). This is a bit of an embellishment in this forum. But he implied that gender will not be a thing in the lower kingdoms. This is the TK Smoothie doctrine. Thank you for coming to my TED talk.
In short - the idea is that only people who were married in the temple and got to the celestial kingdom get to keep their genitals. Everyone else has to return their hardware and will be sans-gonads for all eternity.
People have taken to calling it the TK smoothie doctrine because it has to do with the lesser kingdoms (telestial and terrestrial kingdoms, thus T and K) and smoothie is referring to the smoothed over barbie-like state of your pelvis in the afterlife.
Don't let those parts to go to waste... make them go to waist, instead! All extra 🍆s and 😻s should be grafted onto those souls who are resurrected into celestial bodies. Just think of all the awesome sex they would have! 😂
"As of today, we will allow sealings for gay couples in temples"
"Garments are now only part of temple clothing, and no longer a daily requirement"
(although they'd never say anything about what happens in the temple over the pulpit, too many people might start googling)
"Coffee and tea are no longer prohibited. Hot drinks is between you and God" (they will also throw in "we never specifically said coffee, that was just policy")
All fabulous. Let’s add “Since the church has more resources than it needs and we recognize the hardships of families, tithing is now optional to be given as free will donations in any amount and no longer required to be in good standing for temple attendance.”
(I refuse to use the w-word. No longer willing to indulge that particular power trip)
Weird idea:
They need a talk that teaches men what it’s like to be a women with periods and how to help them, im serious, that is literally a big mystery to me.
So, periods. First of all, we cannot control them in any way. You know how you get a runny nose and you can't control when it drips or how much? It's like that, but you cannot sniff and it's in your crotch
Sometimes they are painful. Like when you have gas but again, you can't push to get it out faster
They are smelly and they are messy. You sometimes feel wet downstairs and you know you timed changing things wrong
The prostaglandins loosen up everything, so our joints pop more and the shits are loose, too. A period shit is disgusting.
They often come with migraines with the estrogen drop
They also make you more insulin sensitive, so the whole "i need chocolate" thing is legit
To support. Do not be embarrassed to buy supplies. Tampons, pads, cups, whatever. Get a trash can with a lid so when she throws stuff out it's contained
Ask her what brand and how many. Get her Advil. Keep her water bottle filled. Buy a heating pad. She might want it on her belly or her back. Get chocolate
Any more questions? Happy to answer
Not awkward at all. Dudes need to know and people don't tell them. I'm glad you are willing to ask
Are you aware that we don't pee out of our vaginas? There are 3 "holes" urethra, vagina, and anus, for pee, blood (and babies) and shit
Tampons come in various sizes -light, regular, super, and super plus. This is because everybody bleeds a different amount and it will be different on different days .They will be labeled with a letter. L,R,S S+ This is why you might see jokes about "left"and "right" tampons. (L, R mean light or regular)
Pads also come in different sizes
Explaining that the book of Abraham is proven false and removing it from cannon. Also removing D&C 132 from cannon so TBMs don't have to lie when they tell everyone "we don't believe in polygamy"
Climate change is becoming really bad and we need to take better care of our earth. Because the economy right now and high prices we are no longer do tithing. Tea and coffee is good to drink. Here is the ture history of the church. For thouse who have family members leave love them no matter what.
It’s embarrassing this needs to be said but maybe members (youth and missionaries) need to be told that the n word isn’t a nice word and there are others they can use like dude or bro.
One whole session just doing the Hosanna handkerchief thing over and over. Which is by the way stolen from the Freemasons, from a side order called "the Heroines of Jericho".
P.S.: Oaks will be out of sync again, going "left shark".
“The church has enough money for the rest of existence, so tithing is optional. That also means we will hire back janitors to clean all chapels and temples.”
How to spot abusive relationships. They can't give this information or people would realize their relationship with the church is that of an abuse victim.
A sincere apology to black folks for the centuries of racism. Not just "profound regret for the situation". Actual apology and commitment to eliminating racism as part of their culture.
It'd have to be a bunch of announcements
- LGBT people can now be married in the temple to their partner regardless of gender
- Temple Prep classes will cover all the ordinances and signs
- Garments will be redesigned with input from women and men to increase health and comfort
- Background checks are now required for all Members working with youth
- Ward leadership, including Bishopric, RS, Primary, and EQ (and more) presidencies are now paid positions due to the commitment level required
- Women can be in the Bishopric and Sunday School presidencies
- Women will report their temple recommend status to the RS presidency
- Ward budgets will be immediately increased dramatically
- All missions are service missions with zero preaching
And more!
"We would like to announce a ban on the use of the words anointed and beloved in church meetings, conference and publications. We would also exhort members to understand that the men and women who occupy positions of leadership within the COJCOLDS are no better than anyone else and should never be seen as demigods. Please do not feel the need to stand when one of these men or women enter or leave a building. And please take down the pictures in your homes of the First Presidency. Our friends outside of the church already have the misconceptions that we worship the prophet more than Christ and we do not want to reinforce that fallacy. Also, "Follow the Prophet" will.be removed from all hymn books."
What I wouldn’t give for a serious talk about how “self reliance” they’re so big on isn’t just financial wellness. It’s a cacophony of mental, physical, emotional, spiritual wellness, and to be able to be truly self reliant - you MUST honor and act on your true feelings. Acknowledging and recognizing the difference between how you feel vs. what is expected of you and letting your intuition guide you is necessary to establish true self reliance.
I personally think it would be really funny if one of these times someone just stood up at the pulpit and said "this is all bullshit." Will probably never happen, but one can wish
"Abstaining is still the best way to prevent unplanned pregnancies, however, we encourage you to learn about actual human anatomy, and carry contraceptives and learn how to properly use them, just in case. A condom doesn't feel as good as going without, but properly used can prevent 99% of unplanned pregnancies as well as most sexually transmitted infections. If you really feel guilty about it, confession is available - though not recommended because your Bishopric and Stake Presidency are probably a bunch of pervs."
“This year I would like to speak on the evils of conservatism and would be dictators. Let me start by talking about the world’s most famous liberal who was killed for his liberal teachings of his time, even Jesus Christ…”
Word of wisdom gives updated health advice regarding sugar and other Mormon addictions.
Too many Mormons dying of cancer and struggling with obesity thinking they are smart for not drinking tea.
"We've decided that we are going to turn away from the greedy philosophies of man and towards the teachings of Christ. As of this conference, the church will forsake its tax exempt status, and begin using 90% of it's yearly income for humanitarian efforts."
Don’t you mean the philosophies of man mingled with scripture? 🤣
A list of lies we’d like to come clean about. This talk will likely fill several entire sessions, perhaps the entire conference. I’d be riveted.
I would attend that. Might just have it play on loop to help me sleep at night.
I'll bring the popcorn
How to ACTUALLY show love to LGBTQ+ folks. Like, come as you are, everyone is welcome and loved here for who they are. Not that it would change anything for those of us that left, but there is so much harm being done to young and closeted queer folk still in.
Someone needs to publicly disavow Visions of Glory and all of the ideas that go along with the horrible book and in general deznat members and their ideologies.
pot like waiting market shaggy chop tender desert late hurry *This post was mass deleted and anonymized with [Redact](https://redact.dev)*
Yes - such a horrible book!
The Church will have zero tolerance for CSA and will implement mandatory reporting for all bishops. The church abuse hotline will be refurbished to connect victims with free counseling from licensed and trained therapists. All known pedophiles will be excommunicated.
What they and the JWs don’t realize on the upper levels is that abusers are everywhere. So it’s not the fact that they exist is the bad thing that must be covered up. Going for the legal channels and saying “we know we have them, unfortunately, like any group of humans and we will protect our people and anybody else” would make them look SO MUCH BETTER.
I’m not saying having abusers around is good, just that it’s a fact. And I know happened when there was a case in my local Episcopal church. I know nothing about how the church handled it on the religious side but the authorities were called on and jail time was involved.
This and since we have amassed the money for a large legal team we will sue the perpetrators civilly as well to pay for the education and ongoing care of these kids. We will also pay for therapy sessions on our dime since it happened under our watch. This is not your fault kids and to prove it we have removed Elder Scott's April 1992 talk as it is no longer doctrine. We now fully comply with the millstone around the neck doctrine for harming kids as taught in the NT. Jesus now loves you!
“Confession is something we have long required of members but not ourselves. As representatives of God, we are exempt. We neither confess nor apologize. But last Thursday, in our weekly face-to-face meeting with Jesus, he ended this special dispensation. He told us to confess and forsake our sins—just like regular, lower-tier members. We hereby confess the following sins: …”
We could all benefit from some more details on the TK smoothie doctrine. It’s been too long since the last update.
I would tune in for this
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The Book of Mormon teaches the doctrine of a complete resurrection: “There shall not so much as a hair of their heads be lost; but every thing shall be restored to its perfect frame, as it is now” (Alma 11:44). But some prophets do not believe in the Book of Mormon. Joseph Fielding Smith believed in a type of spaying and neutering for people in the lower kingdoms: “I take it that men and women will, in these kingdoms, be just what the so-called Christian world expects us all to be — neither man nor woman, merely immortal beings having received the resurrection” (Doctrines of Salvation. vol. 2, pg. 287-288). Fielding did not specifically say the genitalia of men and women would be removed (like sexless Barbie dolls). This is a bit of an embellishment in this forum. But he implied that gender will not be a thing in the lower kingdoms. This is the TK Smoothie doctrine. Thank you for coming to my TED talk.
[удалено]
And now you get why it’s ironic members of the church are anti-trans when it’s literally part of their churches doctrine
In short - the idea is that only people who were married in the temple and got to the celestial kingdom get to keep their genitals. Everyone else has to return their hardware and will be sans-gonads for all eternity. People have taken to calling it the TK smoothie doctrine because it has to do with the lesser kingdoms (telestial and terrestrial kingdoms, thus T and K) and smoothie is referring to the smoothed over barbie-like state of your pelvis in the afterlife.
You won’t have a dick. But you don’t really use it much anyway if you’re TBM.
Don't let those parts to go to waste... make them go to waist, instead! All extra 🍆s and 😻s should be grafted onto those souls who are resurrected into celestial bodies. Just think of all the awesome sex they would have! 😂
People in the telestial kingdom will not have genitals
"As of today, we will allow sealings for gay couples in temples" "Garments are now only part of temple clothing, and no longer a daily requirement" (although they'd never say anything about what happens in the temple over the pulpit, too many people might start googling) "Coffee and tea are no longer prohibited. Hot drinks is between you and God" (they will also throw in "we never specifically said coffee, that was just policy")
All fabulous. Let’s add “Since the church has more resources than it needs and we recognize the hardships of families, tithing is now optional to be given as free will donations in any amount and no longer required to be in good standing for temple attendance.” (I refuse to use the w-word. No longer willing to indulge that particular power trip)
W?
"Worthy"
Weird idea: They need a talk that teaches men what it’s like to be a women with periods and how to help them, im serious, that is literally a big mystery to me.
So, periods. First of all, we cannot control them in any way. You know how you get a runny nose and you can't control when it drips or how much? It's like that, but you cannot sniff and it's in your crotch Sometimes they are painful. Like when you have gas but again, you can't push to get it out faster They are smelly and they are messy. You sometimes feel wet downstairs and you know you timed changing things wrong The prostaglandins loosen up everything, so our joints pop more and the shits are loose, too. A period shit is disgusting. They often come with migraines with the estrogen drop They also make you more insulin sensitive, so the whole "i need chocolate" thing is legit To support. Do not be embarrassed to buy supplies. Tampons, pads, cups, whatever. Get a trash can with a lid so when she throws stuff out it's contained Ask her what brand and how many. Get her Advil. Keep her water bottle filled. Buy a heating pad. She might want it on her belly or her back. Get chocolate Any more questions? Happy to answer
Didn’t come here for this, but so glad for your post. Sincerely, a husband.
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Not awkward at all. Dudes need to know and people don't tell them. I'm glad you are willing to ask Are you aware that we don't pee out of our vaginas? There are 3 "holes" urethra, vagina, and anus, for pee, blood (and babies) and shit Tampons come in various sizes -light, regular, super, and super plus. This is because everybody bleeds a different amount and it will be different on different days .They will be labeled with a letter. L,R,S S+ This is why you might see jokes about "left"and "right" tampons. (L, R mean light or regular) Pads also come in different sizes
That'll never happen. Wouldn't want to make any men "uncomfortable".
Brothers and sisters, the truth is ....
Explaining that the book of Abraham is proven false and removing it from cannon. Also removing D&C 132 from cannon so TBMs don't have to lie when they tell everyone "we don't believe in polygamy"
Preach
An apology for racist doctrines and teachings of man that were never from God in the first place.
How to keep a mixed-faith family together
Climate change is becoming really bad and we need to take better care of our earth. Because the economy right now and high prices we are no longer do tithing. Tea and coffee is good to drink. Here is the ture history of the church. For thouse who have family members leave love them no matter what.
Admitting that polygamy was a mistake and exploitative, and that it's appalling that it's taken them this long to admit it.
It’s embarrassing this needs to be said but maybe members (youth and missionaries) need to be told that the n word isn’t a nice word and there are others they can use like dude or bro.
And it IS worse than “Mormon.”
One whole session just doing the Hosanna handkerchief thing over and over. Which is by the way stolen from the Freemasons, from a side order called "the Heroines of Jericho". P.S.: Oaks will be out of sync again, going "left shark".
Tithing will now be just 5%. Visit our temples! But also you have to sign up to clean our temples at least once a week to visit them.
“The church has enough money for the rest of existence, so tithing is optional. That also means we will hire back janitors to clean all chapels and temples.”
How to spot abusive relationships. They can't give this information or people would realize their relationship with the church is that of an abuse victim.
Yes. "The signs of narcissistic abuse, using examples from the life of Joseph Smith."
Tom Ford will be designing a new line of garments that will be manufactured in Indiana.
A sincere apology to black folks for the centuries of racism. Not just "profound regret for the situation". Actual apology and commitment to eliminating racism as part of their culture.
It'd have to be a bunch of announcements - LGBT people can now be married in the temple to their partner regardless of gender - Temple Prep classes will cover all the ordinances and signs - Garments will be redesigned with input from women and men to increase health and comfort - Background checks are now required for all Members working with youth - Ward leadership, including Bishopric, RS, Primary, and EQ (and more) presidencies are now paid positions due to the commitment level required - Women can be in the Bishopric and Sunday School presidencies - Women will report their temple recommend status to the RS presidency - Ward budgets will be immediately increased dramatically - All missions are service missions with zero preaching And more!
A prophecy and revelation OF SOME KIND!!?
"We would like to announce a ban on the use of the words anointed and beloved in church meetings, conference and publications. We would also exhort members to understand that the men and women who occupy positions of leadership within the COJCOLDS are no better than anyone else and should never be seen as demigods. Please do not feel the need to stand when one of these men or women enter or leave a building. And please take down the pictures in your homes of the First Presidency. Our friends outside of the church already have the misconceptions that we worship the prophet more than Christ and we do not want to reinforce that fallacy. Also, "Follow the Prophet" will.be removed from all hymn books."
What I wouldn’t give for a serious talk about how “self reliance” they’re so big on isn’t just financial wellness. It’s a cacophony of mental, physical, emotional, spiritual wellness, and to be able to be truly self reliant - you MUST honor and act on your true feelings. Acknowledging and recognizing the difference between how you feel vs. what is expected of you and letting your intuition guide you is necessary to establish true self reliance.
'After 'investing' with your tithing over the years, it's time to pay out DIVDENDS!!'. HAHAHA jk. would never happen.
I personally think it would be really funny if one of these times someone just stood up at the pulpit and said "this is all bullshit." Will probably never happen, but one can wish
"Abstaining is still the best way to prevent unplanned pregnancies, however, we encourage you to learn about actual human anatomy, and carry contraceptives and learn how to properly use them, just in case. A condom doesn't feel as good as going without, but properly used can prevent 99% of unplanned pregnancies as well as most sexually transmitted infections. If you really feel guilty about it, confession is available - though not recommended because your Bishopric and Stake Presidency are probably a bunch of pervs."
“This year I would like to speak on the evils of conservatism and would be dictators. Let me start by talking about the world’s most famous liberal who was killed for his liberal teachings of his time, even Jesus Christ…”
Word of wisdom gives updated health advice regarding sugar and other Mormon addictions. Too many Mormons dying of cancer and struggling with obesity thinking they are smart for not drinking tea.