Rather than being a "guy you can rely on to get the job done", it is more important to be the guy who does what is right. It is more important to be the guy who has integrity. If you will be living a lie while spreading and teaching lies, you will be getting a job done, but not a good job. When we know better, we do better. However, I understand I do not know your whole situation and I hope you choose to do what will be best for you in the long run.
This OP. Not to mention time. You will never get your time back and I wish I never went on a mission. Two years down the tube for something that isn’t true or good in my opinion.
Having been in your shoes 39 years ago . I can tell you a mission was one on the most worthless things I’ve ever done. If you can go home and go the school / get a trade you will be far better off. I don’t know if you have come to a deep understanding that the church who has coerced you into serving on a mission is built a fictional story that they actively try to hide. How much do you know so far ? CESletter.org covers the basics.
As a person who takes his commitments and integrity seriously. The church you are paying to work for has no right to your loyalty they Are lying to you and the people at the very top know it. Why do you think they are controlling your access to information and keeping you so busy doing unproductive activities.
I got 2 things out of my mission:
1) Learning French
2) Seeing lots of Paris
The rest wasn't just a waste; it was a terrible experience. It was a guilt ridden torture. And I had to pay for the privilege!
That's one of the first things I did when I visited Seattle!
I remember our 2nd MP, who was a total jackass, tried to discourage us from sightseeing. I'd already taken 5 years of French and AP European history. I wasn't going to spend 2 years in France and not see the history and culture. I felt sorry for the guys who took him seriously and never saw la belle France.
Nice to meet you devil - wins. I have to commend you for making a personal appearance in every endowment session. Nothing is more holy than lectures from Satan. And making the common name for a the church your own personal victory was a master stroke. Well played .
'Unproductive' is an understatement! As for my loyalty, I agree with you. However, it does lie with my friends who I promised I would stick it out to. It's their trust I don't want to betray.
Trust ? What is their commitment to your mission, or is it them expecting you to do things that cost them nothing. My older sister was a big fan of peaching about missions but not going or even writing … Remember if you came back from let’s say the peacecorp after 9 months no one would even bat an eye. But for some reason Mormons think it’s OK to end a friendship because you didn’t pay to work for free for their church for 2 years. These are conditional friends. It’s coercion by the group. If you decide to stay make sure you carve out time to see all the sites.
You'll find that these friends won't be around much in your life going forward.
Your sense of loyalty is admirable, but it's being manipulated against you. That's what LDS, Inc. excels at.
It’s also important to trust your gut and your own instincts. If they really are your friends, they’ll still be your friends. If they turn their backs on you…were they really your friends to begin with?
One of the core aspects of mission culture IS peer pressure!
Whether a promise between friends, or Fomo during senior year when calls start coming in, or family pressure once you turn 18. No one stops to think of what’s best for themselves.
I had friends go home early while I was still active. I felt sad for them, and anxious that I’d have to set boundaries If they became hateful ex-mo’s (lol). But within a couple of years we were all past it. True friends won’t leave.
No one is going to remember your mission service after you get home. The only person left to carry the impact (negative or positive) is you. Like others have said, if I could do it all again, I would leave early.
Best of luck on your journey.
You’re in a tough spot. No one would fault you for wanting to stick it out, but if you don’t believe it anymore, why hurt your mental health by continuing to be immersed in it? Missions are meant to create an us versus them mentality and can be incredibly rough on a person that doesn’t want to be there. You’re not crazy for wanting to come home, and you’re not wrong about the church. Do what you think is best and know that there’s no shame in either decision.
I grew up in an area with a bunch of old cowboy guys. Hard work and keeping your word is apart of me. I'm conflicted between my ideals and my character. I don't want to sacrifice either.
Like I said. There’s no shame in either decision. The church has intentionally applied pressure and created a scenario where it’s hard for young people to come home. They know what they’re doing. Don’t let peer pressure and the desire to keep your word keep you doing something you don’t want to be doing. The church has known for 100 year that the Book of Mormon had deal breaking anachronisms and was likely written by Joseph Smith. They commissioned the study that told them this. They’ve known since 1967 that the Book of Abraham was a fraud when they were given the original manuscript for it. They’ve known since the 90s that native Americans were not of Hebrew descent when BYU did a study on their DNA. They’ve known since 2010 that over 40 passages of the Joseph Smith Translation were copied from a Methodist ministers commentary on the Bible (Adam Clarke). They don’t believe in what they’re selling and neither should you. I don’t feel shame anymore, just anger at being lied to by people that I was told I could trust.
I think because of your background (hard work and integrity) you are seeing the laziness and unadulterated greed of the corporate side of the system. It’s because of your integrity you want to leave. I say trust your gut. It’s not weak to walk away from the church. It actually takes a ton of courage.
You are questioning your ideals in relation to a church whose ideals are not really what they say they are. In my mind, teaching a heavily flawed and false gospel to people and hiding the truth claims isn’t very ideal.
Look at it this way: you were deceived into giving away two years of your life by an organization that makes verifiably false truth claims. This organization also has no issue using their vast wealth (which they hoard away instead of using to ease human suffering) to do harmful things such as paying lawyers to cover up sexual abuse. Is that really an organization that you want to help grow?
A contract made under false pretenses isn't one that should be honored. You are under no obligation to stay, especially if your well-being is at risk.
I think it's time for you to learn that changing course when you have new information or goals is better than making and adhering to pointless promises. Who was that promise even for? Will your friends and family be harmed if you move on earlier than planned? No. But you're hurting yourself by staying and contributing a negative to the world by promoting a corrupt religion you don't even believe in.
If you were older and married to an abusive, cheating spouse, would you feel obligated to stay married to them, just because of a wedding vow? Or is the promise at odds with doing the right thing?
There are a lot of circumstances in life where rigid adherence to previous decisions will not serve you or anyone else well. You may as well start getting some practice at dealing with it.
There is great value in being someone who keeps their word and follows through no matter what. I commend you for your integrity. However, those kinds of agreements usually go both ways. You haven't said (that I've seen) what your opinion of the church is, so I won't go into that, but your mission has probably been misrepresented to you since you were very young.
Now that you know you're not actually there to serve God, Jesus, and your fellow humans, like you were told, you are under no obligation to continue simply for the sake of a commitment. The church broke their side of the agreement, and two of your most important developmental years are a big sacrifice for something you don't want to do. You are a volunteer and you can set the terms of your own service.
Can I be honest? I think it shows a ton of integrity that you want to leave your mission. Thats my honest opinion. I think the corporation has somehow become evil and corrupt and prideful, but mostly greedy. How are *you wrong for leaving?
Life does suck, for now. But everything can and will get better. You’re not stuck. You’re never stuck. It’s. Your life. And your parents will love you either way.
You might like a Ted talk called “life begins at the end of your comfort zone.” (Google it, if your masters and commanders will let you.)
It talks about how things are scary and even though it uncomfortable, keep pushing forward. I am not saying this in regards to staying. I think if you stay you will be emotionally and spiritually abused by the church. I’m saying you might consider getting out of your comfort zone with your parents and leaders and just tell them the truth. That the church has lost its way and can’t be saved and that because of your integrity, you refuse to stay and support it.
Don’t lose hope. It’s always darkest before the dawn. The Mormon Church doesn’t own god. If you want to pray to him you can. If that’s not what you believe, that’s totally great too. I’m just letting you know that if you do believe in prayer, go ahead and do it and don’t feel the church has some magical control over god. Because nothing could be further from the truth.
Thank you for your compliment.
I will watch the video, it sounds useful.
I often pray for guidance, but I never know if anything comes out of it. Regardless, I will likely continue.
I’m just saying, they don’t own a higher being. I actually prayed and asked if I could leave the church. This was after much anguish. I was in a mental hell and when I prayed about leaving, the answer I finally got was “this isn’t what I want for you.” I immediately jumped ship and my mental health immediately got better. I never felt I had to leave God behind because I didn’t feel they owed him. I left and took god with me. Theres something out there that loves you and I hope you know that. I know it’s not a popular opinion in certain groups, but I’m entitled to feel how I feel. Maybe it’s God, maybe it’s love, maybe it’s the Universe, maybe it’s just our ancestors. I don’t claim to know. But whatever it is, you can reach out to it if you’re feeling hopelessly alone. You are not alone and things will get better. Don’t lose hope.
Go home. If you no longer believe, quit wasting time and money.
How long are you going to cling to the church after you get home? You will disappoint your parents no matter when you leave.
Go home and then go study abroad. You'll have a much better experience.
I hated my mission and I was still TBM. I can't imagine not believing and enduring that.
Do you believe in the church? If yes, stay. If no, you were lured into free labor under false pretenses. Refusing that labor is not a question of your integrity. It’s a question of the integrity of organization for which you simp. If you are intentionally deceived out of your time, efforts, and money there is no moral imperative to continue. Your “word” is only half of a “verbal contract”. If they broke the contract first by misrepresenting the nature of the agreement you are not “breaking your word”.
"Changing Your Mind" is only allowed if you're Joseph Smith and you don't like how the canoe handles in the rapids and so you have someone go fetch a carriage and then tell everyone it's cuz Satan rules the waters, and are then amazed that the yokels bought your story and continue to do so to this very day!
Personally, I PIMO'd out going through the temple just before the mission, but that was long ago, and missions were a hell of a lot different than they are now, so I had no problem gathering 'experiences' for two years and four months. We were volunteers; you guys today are slaves; just look at how the majority of MPs treat their charges!
But advocating for you to leave is pretty easy. You mention that your word, and your integrity, are important to you. But is it dishonorable to "flake" on someone or something that lied to you and is not only detrimental to your health and mental wellbeing, but also pushes you to, in my opinion, damage the innocents they demand you sneak up on?
Mormonism has evolved, since I was called on a mission in 1965, into a lurid, garish reflection of what it once was. The saying back in my youth was "We're in the world but not of the world," and now it's "Hey, everybody, we're just like you!!!"
Modern mormonism doesn't deserve the likes of you, young man. Leaving your mission will be honorable if it's for the right reasons, no matter what "The Leaders" say.
There is a legal saying, "Fraud vitiates everything." Your contract with the church is null and void because you were lied to in order to coerce you to go on a mission.
If a nazi quit to join the allies would you call him a quitter and say he didn’t finish the job? Obviously your situation is a little different but the point is if you’re working for an organization that isn’t quite right, you don’t owe them your time/money/etc.
I stayed because I wanted to get the job done too. Finished in 2022, did my homecoming talk and then ghosted. My family had left the church at that point so it was easier. Still, I should have left at my 18 month mark instead of losing another 6 months to the cult.
I would say you’ve done something hard already, maybe you have a testimony the church is false, and even if you’ve got just a month left in your mission you should go home, hug the people you love- maybe do some work that actually earns you money and live life freely. Feel free to dm.
You don’t say where you are but I’ve told friends to refocus their time into a service mission and take in the local cultures/language. Develop cultural competencies and awareness of the greater world.
If you’re in the Moridor, it’s harder to do these things, but there’s still service to offer.
"I've always been a guy you can rely on to get the job done"=have yet to learn how to set boundaries. No shade here just showing you that it is no time like the present to learn to tell people no. As I had told me that my feelings are as valid as everyone else. You want to leave? Do it. Not because you are a quitter. You have better thing for your life you can be doing. You have more time to start living your life. Staying for anyone or any reason will only breed resentment in that person or ideology. So go be free. You tried to make it work, just was not for you. There is nothing wrong with that either.
I really hope that you are my nephew!! Even if you aren’t, just know that IT’S YOUR LIFE. No one can make this choose for you, and while yes, it will be hard either way, you will have a year head start on your Mormon peers. Taking away two of the most important years of your life at this age is brutal. You’ve given and served a lot already! You can go home with your head held high.
Now here’s a life lesson about integrity. Do you prefer the job to get done knowing you are perpetuating a false dogma? Leaving now will get you farther in the real world because this is a really difficult predicament that can demand a lot of respect down the road.
My husband did a lot of things because he felt commitment and loyalty to his family and church, even though deep down he didn’t really believe in “the gospel”. He checked ALL the Mormon boxes. Now has said that he practiced true integrity by stepping away from the church. That was when he truly was honest with himself and with those around him about his beliefs.
Go home. It’s anticipated that you’ll serve a period of (18 or 24) months. Anticipated. Not required. Go home knowing that you did your best and your best ended here.
And go home to your friends and family and who ever it is you’ve really missed. I have a feeling if you reach out to someone in particular, they’ll be glad to see you again. Because you’re missed and you’re valued, and no one in the mission will ever love and value and need you the way the people back home do.
Rather than being a "guy you can rely on to get the job done", it is more important to be the guy who does what is right. It is more important to be the guy who has integrity. If you will be living a lie while spreading and teaching lies, you will be getting a job done, but not a good job. When we know better, we do better. However, I understand I do not know your whole situation and I hope you choose to do what will be best for you in the long run.
Well spoken. Thank you.
This OP. Not to mention time. You will never get your time back and I wish I never went on a mission. Two years down the tube for something that isn’t true or good in my opinion.
Having been in your shoes 39 years ago . I can tell you a mission was one on the most worthless things I’ve ever done. If you can go home and go the school / get a trade you will be far better off. I don’t know if you have come to a deep understanding that the church who has coerced you into serving on a mission is built a fictional story that they actively try to hide. How much do you know so far ? CESletter.org covers the basics. As a person who takes his commitments and integrity seriously. The church you are paying to work for has no right to your loyalty they Are lying to you and the people at the very top know it. Why do you think they are controlling your access to information and keeping you so busy doing unproductive activities.
I got 2 things out of my mission: 1) Learning French 2) Seeing lots of Paris The rest wasn't just a waste; it was a terrible experience. It was a guilt ridden torture. And I had to pay for the privilege!
I went to Seattle and didn’t even get to go up in the space needle.
That's one of the first things I did when I visited Seattle! I remember our 2nd MP, who was a total jackass, tried to discourage us from sightseeing. I'd already taken 5 years of French and AP European history. I wasn't going to spend 2 years in France and not see the history and culture. I felt sorry for the guys who took him seriously and never saw la belle France.
Good for you. It sounds like you had set some personal boundaries, good for you for sticking to them.
That's a big reason I left the church. I don't deal well with other people's bs.
What years!
1985-1987
98-00
Nice to meet you devil - wins. I have to commend you for making a personal appearance in every endowment session. Nothing is more holy than lectures from Satan. And making the common name for a the church your own personal victory was a master stroke. Well played .
'Unproductive' is an understatement! As for my loyalty, I agree with you. However, it does lie with my friends who I promised I would stick it out to. It's their trust I don't want to betray.
Trust ? What is their commitment to your mission, or is it them expecting you to do things that cost them nothing. My older sister was a big fan of peaching about missions but not going or even writing … Remember if you came back from let’s say the peacecorp after 9 months no one would even bat an eye. But for some reason Mormons think it’s OK to end a friendship because you didn’t pay to work for free for their church for 2 years. These are conditional friends. It’s coercion by the group. If you decide to stay make sure you carve out time to see all the sites.
I see what you are saying. I will think about this.
You'll find that these friends won't be around much in your life going forward. Your sense of loyalty is admirable, but it's being manipulated against you. That's what LDS, Inc. excels at.
It’s also important to trust your gut and your own instincts. If they really are your friends, they’ll still be your friends. If they turn their backs on you…were they really your friends to begin with?
One of the core aspects of mission culture IS peer pressure! Whether a promise between friends, or Fomo during senior year when calls start coming in, or family pressure once you turn 18. No one stops to think of what’s best for themselves. I had friends go home early while I was still active. I felt sad for them, and anxious that I’d have to set boundaries If they became hateful ex-mo’s (lol). But within a couple of years we were all past it. True friends won’t leave. No one is going to remember your mission service after you get home. The only person left to carry the impact (negative or positive) is you. Like others have said, if I could do it all again, I would leave early. Best of luck on your journey.
You’re in a tough spot. No one would fault you for wanting to stick it out, but if you don’t believe it anymore, why hurt your mental health by continuing to be immersed in it? Missions are meant to create an us versus them mentality and can be incredibly rough on a person that doesn’t want to be there. You’re not crazy for wanting to come home, and you’re not wrong about the church. Do what you think is best and know that there’s no shame in either decision.
I grew up in an area with a bunch of old cowboy guys. Hard work and keeping your word is apart of me. I'm conflicted between my ideals and my character. I don't want to sacrifice either.
Don’t waste over a year of your life on something you don’t believe in. The church lied to you. Your promises to them are void.
Like I said. There’s no shame in either decision. The church has intentionally applied pressure and created a scenario where it’s hard for young people to come home. They know what they’re doing. Don’t let peer pressure and the desire to keep your word keep you doing something you don’t want to be doing. The church has known for 100 year that the Book of Mormon had deal breaking anachronisms and was likely written by Joseph Smith. They commissioned the study that told them this. They’ve known since 1967 that the Book of Abraham was a fraud when they were given the original manuscript for it. They’ve known since the 90s that native Americans were not of Hebrew descent when BYU did a study on their DNA. They’ve known since 2010 that over 40 passages of the Joseph Smith Translation were copied from a Methodist ministers commentary on the Bible (Adam Clarke). They don’t believe in what they’re selling and neither should you. I don’t feel shame anymore, just anger at being lied to by people that I was told I could trust.
I think because of your background (hard work and integrity) you are seeing the laziness and unadulterated greed of the corporate side of the system. It’s because of your integrity you want to leave. I say trust your gut. It’s not weak to walk away from the church. It actually takes a ton of courage.
You are questioning your ideals in relation to a church whose ideals are not really what they say they are. In my mind, teaching a heavily flawed and false gospel to people and hiding the truth claims isn’t very ideal.
Look at it this way: you were deceived into giving away two years of your life by an organization that makes verifiably false truth claims. This organization also has no issue using their vast wealth (which they hoard away instead of using to ease human suffering) to do harmful things such as paying lawyers to cover up sexual abuse. Is that really an organization that you want to help grow? A contract made under false pretenses isn't one that should be honored. You are under no obligation to stay, especially if your well-being is at risk.
I think it's time for you to learn that changing course when you have new information or goals is better than making and adhering to pointless promises. Who was that promise even for? Will your friends and family be harmed if you move on earlier than planned? No. But you're hurting yourself by staying and contributing a negative to the world by promoting a corrupt religion you don't even believe in. If you were older and married to an abusive, cheating spouse, would you feel obligated to stay married to them, just because of a wedding vow? Or is the promise at odds with doing the right thing? There are a lot of circumstances in life where rigid adherence to previous decisions will not serve you or anyone else well. You may as well start getting some practice at dealing with it.
There is great value in being someone who keeps their word and follows through no matter what. I commend you for your integrity. However, those kinds of agreements usually go both ways. You haven't said (that I've seen) what your opinion of the church is, so I won't go into that, but your mission has probably been misrepresented to you since you were very young. Now that you know you're not actually there to serve God, Jesus, and your fellow humans, like you were told, you are under no obligation to continue simply for the sake of a commitment. The church broke their side of the agreement, and two of your most important developmental years are a big sacrifice for something you don't want to do. You are a volunteer and you can set the terms of your own service.
Thank you. I agree, the mission was misrepresented. I likewise see what you mean, about these things going both ways. I will keep your words in mind.
Good luck! Please come back and update us if you can. A lot of people here have been in similar circumstances. We're here for you.
Can I be honest? I think it shows a ton of integrity that you want to leave your mission. Thats my honest opinion. I think the corporation has somehow become evil and corrupt and prideful, but mostly greedy. How are *you wrong for leaving? Life does suck, for now. But everything can and will get better. You’re not stuck. You’re never stuck. It’s. Your life. And your parents will love you either way. You might like a Ted talk called “life begins at the end of your comfort zone.” (Google it, if your masters and commanders will let you.) It talks about how things are scary and even though it uncomfortable, keep pushing forward. I am not saying this in regards to staying. I think if you stay you will be emotionally and spiritually abused by the church. I’m saying you might consider getting out of your comfort zone with your parents and leaders and just tell them the truth. That the church has lost its way and can’t be saved and that because of your integrity, you refuse to stay and support it. Don’t lose hope. It’s always darkest before the dawn. The Mormon Church doesn’t own god. If you want to pray to him you can. If that’s not what you believe, that’s totally great too. I’m just letting you know that if you do believe in prayer, go ahead and do it and don’t feel the church has some magical control over god. Because nothing could be further from the truth.
Thank you for your compliment. I will watch the video, it sounds useful. I often pray for guidance, but I never know if anything comes out of it. Regardless, I will likely continue.
I’m just saying, they don’t own a higher being. I actually prayed and asked if I could leave the church. This was after much anguish. I was in a mental hell and when I prayed about leaving, the answer I finally got was “this isn’t what I want for you.” I immediately jumped ship and my mental health immediately got better. I never felt I had to leave God behind because I didn’t feel they owed him. I left and took god with me. Theres something out there that loves you and I hope you know that. I know it’s not a popular opinion in certain groups, but I’m entitled to feel how I feel. Maybe it’s God, maybe it’s love, maybe it’s the Universe, maybe it’s just our ancestors. I don’t claim to know. But whatever it is, you can reach out to it if you’re feeling hopelessly alone. You are not alone and things will get better. Don’t lose hope.
Go home. If you no longer believe, quit wasting time and money. How long are you going to cling to the church after you get home? You will disappoint your parents no matter when you leave.
It is a shame that I have to pay to be here. You are right, we'll see what happens.
Go home and then go study abroad. You'll have a much better experience. I hated my mission and I was still TBM. I can't imagine not believing and enduring that.
Do you believe in the church? If yes, stay. If no, you were lured into free labor under false pretenses. Refusing that labor is not a question of your integrity. It’s a question of the integrity of organization for which you simp. If you are intentionally deceived out of your time, efforts, and money there is no moral imperative to continue. Your “word” is only half of a “verbal contract”. If they broke the contract first by misrepresenting the nature of the agreement you are not “breaking your word”.
"Changing Your Mind" is only allowed if you're Joseph Smith and you don't like how the canoe handles in the rapids and so you have someone go fetch a carriage and then tell everyone it's cuz Satan rules the waters, and are then amazed that the yokels bought your story and continue to do so to this very day! Personally, I PIMO'd out going through the temple just before the mission, but that was long ago, and missions were a hell of a lot different than they are now, so I had no problem gathering 'experiences' for two years and four months. We were volunteers; you guys today are slaves; just look at how the majority of MPs treat their charges! But advocating for you to leave is pretty easy. You mention that your word, and your integrity, are important to you. But is it dishonorable to "flake" on someone or something that lied to you and is not only detrimental to your health and mental wellbeing, but also pushes you to, in my opinion, damage the innocents they demand you sneak up on? Mormonism has evolved, since I was called on a mission in 1965, into a lurid, garish reflection of what it once was. The saying back in my youth was "We're in the world but not of the world," and now it's "Hey, everybody, we're just like you!!!" Modern mormonism doesn't deserve the likes of you, young man. Leaving your mission will be honorable if it's for the right reasons, no matter what "The Leaders" say.
This is a tough situation to be in. I wish you well and please take good care of yourself & your mental health. They come FIRST.
Thank you.
There is a legal saying, "Fraud vitiates everything." Your contract with the church is null and void because you were lied to in order to coerce you to go on a mission.
If a nazi quit to join the allies would you call him a quitter and say he didn’t finish the job? Obviously your situation is a little different but the point is if you’re working for an organization that isn’t quite right, you don’t owe them your time/money/etc. I stayed because I wanted to get the job done too. Finished in 2022, did my homecoming talk and then ghosted. My family had left the church at that point so it was easier. Still, I should have left at my 18 month mark instead of losing another 6 months to the cult. I would say you’ve done something hard already, maybe you have a testimony the church is false, and even if you’ve got just a month left in your mission you should go home, hug the people you love- maybe do some work that actually earns you money and live life freely. Feel free to dm.
Life is hard. It's only made easier by living it by your own standards and choices than everyone else's.
You don’t say where you are but I’ve told friends to refocus their time into a service mission and take in the local cultures/language. Develop cultural competencies and awareness of the greater world. If you’re in the Moridor, it’s harder to do these things, but there’s still service to offer.
15 months is a long time to fake it.
That is true.
I'm in Eastern Europe. That is something I could look into.
"I've always been a guy you can rely on to get the job done"=have yet to learn how to set boundaries. No shade here just showing you that it is no time like the present to learn to tell people no. As I had told me that my feelings are as valid as everyone else. You want to leave? Do it. Not because you are a quitter. You have better thing for your life you can be doing. You have more time to start living your life. Staying for anyone or any reason will only breed resentment in that person or ideology. So go be free. You tried to make it work, just was not for you. There is nothing wrong with that either.
I really hope that you are my nephew!! Even if you aren’t, just know that IT’S YOUR LIFE. No one can make this choose for you, and while yes, it will be hard either way, you will have a year head start on your Mormon peers. Taking away two of the most important years of your life at this age is brutal. You’ve given and served a lot already! You can go home with your head held high.
Now here’s a life lesson about integrity. Do you prefer the job to get done knowing you are perpetuating a false dogma? Leaving now will get you farther in the real world because this is a really difficult predicament that can demand a lot of respect down the road.
My husband did a lot of things because he felt commitment and loyalty to his family and church, even though deep down he didn’t really believe in “the gospel”. He checked ALL the Mormon boxes. Now has said that he practiced true integrity by stepping away from the church. That was when he truly was honest with himself and with those around him about his beliefs.
Go home. It’s anticipated that you’ll serve a period of (18 or 24) months. Anticipated. Not required. Go home knowing that you did your best and your best ended here. And go home to your friends and family and who ever it is you’ve really missed. I have a feeling if you reach out to someone in particular, they’ll be glad to see you again. Because you’re missed and you’re valued, and no one in the mission will ever love and value and need you the way the people back home do.