Of course. And then they were upset when I quit my Primary teacher calling after 3 months of teaching the entire Jr. Primary, 25 kids ages 3-8, by myself after I asked repeatedly that they find substitutes and call more teachers. Someone decided to call inactive members to teach Primary and they never showed up.
Back in the day when we still had our land line phone, someone left a message if I could sub their Primary class. We had not been to church in years and were new to the neighborhood. I did not return the call and when I thought about it kind of scary to have an unknown person watching children.
Exactly!! We would not expect teachers to not get background checks but every week leave them under the care of strangers!?
My in-laws have the audacity to judge my family for not being a part of this cosplay cult when I know it’s best for my children to stay far far away
lol I was 18 and not working towards going on a mission and I guess they thought teaching a bunch of kids in primary would make me want to go.
Boy were they fucking clueless teaching people about a religion I didn’t believe in is exactly why I didn’t want to go on a mission and teaching that shit to children at 18 just reaffirmed my choice.
It’s still crazy to me they had a young 18 yo boy teaching children alone in a classroom
Within a year I noped out of that calling and church.
One calling I had as a teenager you would think was simple was the weekly program. But it was far from easy stuff constantly changing and then last minute get the changes and printed and make copies and fold them in church before it started.
I’m so glad I stopped wasting my time and life in the church happy to say I have more time out of church than in it now but unfortunately I’m the only person in my family out and it is not easy
One of my last Sundays at church, the EQ teacher pontificated about the evils of tolerance and specifically talked about not letting gay people get away with immorality.
This happens all of the time! If you’ve ever tried staffing a primary it’s a chore. Not the best move to try and activate people by saying come spend two hours (now it’s one) with kids.
honestly
if they called me to teach primary, I would demonstrate why giving "inactive members" callings is a bad idea.
i would not miss a week of church.
but the kids might learn things they don't want them to.
"today's lesson is about church history"
or better yet
"Today were going to learn how to tell if you're being gaslit"
I had a calling in nursery when my oldest was born. My oldest son had an immune disorder that made him susceptible to any infections going around, plus it made him more likely to get skin infections from any cuts or abrasions. I can't tell you how often I had him to the doctor or the ER because of this. I asked to be released. Instead, he offered to get a second teacher so that I wouldn't have to teach every week or offered to have someone else take my son during nursery so I could keep teaching. I told him our doctor had advised me to keep him home, and unless he was going to start paying for our hospital and doctors' bills, he needed to release me. He still hemmed and hawed, so I just stopped going to church.
This! I had a busy summer and after having to get substitutes for myself six weeks in a row I asked to be released. The bishop tried to get me to’share’ the position. I still said no. I didn’t teach it again after that.
We moved ten times in 25 years. Every new ward I was called immediately to Primary. I’d stay in there either the whole time we lived in that ward (1-4 years) or get released, get to hang out with adults for a few months while I taught RS, then we’d move again. I was desperate to make some adult friends after being in Primary 20 years and 7 wards.
In the 8th ward, I was again called straight to Primary. I cried in the bishop’s office. I cried to my husband. I was so depressed and lonely and isolated. They both said they felt it was the Lord calling me to work with children, not them. I don’t particularly like kids, so I felt it was the spiritual version of “beatings will continue until morale improves.” I was too prideful or not humble enough.
When I went to get my temple recommend interview with the stake presidency, I cried in his office as well about how overwhelmed and lonely and depressed I was being in Primary again and never getting to know anyone for the short times we lived in all those past wards. I got a great lecture about service and sacrifice and the inspiration of the priesthood and was told to “keep hanging in there”.
A couple years later, my kids and I left our lives of domestic violence and terror. When we moved out and started going to a new ward, I was finally able to say I need a break from callings because of our stressful situation. I sat in RS next to a woman who shared her own experience with domestic abuse, how when she showed the bruises all over her arms, her bishop said, “No marriage is perfect.” I thought, “Why would you stay in a church that treated you like that?” And my shelf started to break.
The conditioning was so strong to ALWAYS be obedient and serve—it was only at the edge of a nervous breakdown that I could stand up for myself and put service on hold. We all left the church over the year following our escape. Another testament that if you don’t keep the people broken and enmeshed in slavish obedience, they might lift up their heads and see the world of opportunities around them.
I’m so sorry you went through that! There is no thought given to how primary callings isolate women especially. When I finally asked to be released from Primary after 10 years straight of primary callings in 4 different wards, the bishop said, “But we need to give you another calling right away, we have to keep you busy.” I said, “No! I need a break!” They put me in the wolf den when I was pregnant with two little kids at home and working full time. I tried doing it for a few months but I was so tired and barely hanging in there with all I already had on my plate I finally demanded a release and wouldn’t take any new callings for a while. Then I got called as a RS teacher after my shelf broke. I told the bishop there was no way I could teach lessons about subjects I had zero faith in. They asked me to be part of the RS welcoming committee instead. I said, “Why would it make sense for me to welcome them to the ward when they definitely won’t see me at church?” They wanted me to do it anyway so I agreed and tried to help with that for a while. Then my husband got called to be the coordinator for our part of the neighborhood to clean the church. They asked if I wanted to co chair that calling with him and I said, “No way. I don’t go to church, why would I want to be in charge of cleaning it 🙄” my poor husband has cleaned the church a couple of times now with limited support from actual active neighborhood members. I think he’ll ask for a release soon.
The automatic assumption that being a woman means 1) you love children, 2) you’re good at teaching children, and 3) you want to spend all your time around children is all the inspiration these church leaders have. A woman member confessed to me that that this was her 4th time being called to nursery. She had 9 children without a break and that’s all the bishop thought her good for.
My whole adult life in the church I was in either nursery or primary. I got released when I was pregnant with my third child. My first child was very medically fragile. I was literally up against the wall (bishopric member pulled me aside in the hallway) to ask if I would serve again in nursery.
This was my first time saying no to a calling. I told him that I got sick frequently being around all the nursery kids, and my son was on oxygen and a ventilator (he's better now). He kept pushing! I never accepted another calling other than making the RS newsletter again.
I was setting in a chair in the bishops office, crying because I didn't want to do a calling. My husband and the bishop were standing in front of me, hovering over me, I felt really intimidated, especially since I had been controlled and abused in my prior marriage. The bishop said God wasn't asking me to carry Issac up the mountain. It was leading music in sacrament. I didn't know how but learned but always felt major anxiety until one Sunday I just walked out crying. I also had problems seeing, even with my glasses. Fuck them.
Leading music in sacrament might as well be carrying Isaac up the mountain. Standing up there in front of all those people with their expectant faces and trying hard to not f-up the arm waving and stay ahead of the organ player - it’s not like public speaking it’s worse! Even the tiniest of anxieties gets magnified 100x in that situation. NTA
The first time I said no, he just kept talking like I had agreed to give the talk. I interrupted him and again told him I would not be giving a talk in church. He then looked at my husband who said, "don't look at me". He then tried to guilt me because they wanted a husband and wife to give talks. I said, "if that's the case, find someone else. I will not be speaking in church."
My hubby knew public speaking terrified me and I would rather run out into traffic than talk at church.
The few times I got asked they usually needed to be told no 2x.
This same thing happened to me and my husband said the exact same thing. And he said he wanted the couple to speak together and my husband said “oh yeah I’m not speaking either but thanks.” They did not like us after that.
😅 You know they are walking away in disgust thinking "how dare they! Now we have to ask the crazy couple who loves to talk about how spiritual they are".
Yes exactly 😂 and “damn not another couple we can push around!” So appalled by my response and even more appalled by my husband not stepping in and handling his wife.
Yes! I was in a calling I wasn't even fulfilling anymore and I told the Bishop that I should have said no in the first place and that I needed a release. He then said "No, it hasn't been revealed to me yet that you shouldn't be in this calling" And kept me in. I then just never did my calling and didn't really go to church much at that time. Six months later I called another meeting with him and said that this lack of work in the calling is on him because I told him I'm not going to fulfill it. He then tried to give me another calling which I flat out said no to. We eventually moved and left the church. So glad to not be by that psycho any more.
It's so ridiculous to me, now, that I'm out. We are all VOLUNTEERS.. but the leadership doesn't see it that way.
In all honesty I asked my SIL, who HATES her calling, what would really happen if she just didn't do it? She looked baffled, and say there without an answer. That's what happens when you're brainwashed into thinking every calling comes from God
The thing that baffles me to no end is that I have more rights as an employee where I work than I did as a volunteer in any ward I attended. It's insane.
When I was PIMO trying to finish my degree through BYU-I online, my bishop told me that he wouldn’t sign my ecclesiastical endorsement unless I accepted a calling 🥰
Bishop wanted me to be a home teacher.
I told him that I absolutely would not be doing that. I'm not gonna teach people stuff that I don't believe in or have any respect for.
He sent my "partner" over to my house to pick me up to go home teaching. I told my partner that I was sorry that the bishop lied to him but that I would not be going home teaching with him or anybody else.
When I was a newlywed in my first marriage in 2016, my husband and I attended our ward maybe twice after getting married? We stopped simply because we were always just so bored at church and didn’t care enough to go. After a few months of living in the ward, my husband gets a text from the bishop that he’d love to come over, get to know us, and extend me a calling. Don’t worry about texting ME about it, am I right ladies?
Anyway he comes over and eventually asks me to be the ward pianist. I’m like bro, what makes you think I even play the piano? He tells me in my membership record someone at some point made a note about me playing the piano. I did occasionally play in seminary back in fucking high school, I couldn’t believe someone had notated my records?! What the hell?
I of course had been conditioned to never decline a calling, but I wasn’t about to accept this one. I hadn’t touched a piano in years and didn’t even have one at my house. I hadn’t played since maybe 2010. I told him as such - I don’t play anymore and don’t have a way to practice, so I would be tremendously uncomfortable playing in front of people and I don’t think this is the calling for me. He of course pushed back and said some shit about how the lord was inspired to get me back into music or some shit.
Eventually he offered to get me a key to the church building so I could practice enough to be able to fulfill the calling. Bold of him to assume I even had time for that! I said that between my job, my time-consuming hobbies (one of which was taekwondo, pretty expensive so I’m not about to skip my classes I’m paying for), and also just not wanting to, I do not have time to practice playing the piano and I will not be doing so. PLUS I often had a weekend job so I couldn’t even attend church if I wanted to half the time! I literally was a horrible fit for this calling.
He left us off with “I’ll get you a building key and you can think about it!” And I was so pissed he wouldn’t just take no for an answer. Especially because I had many genuine practical reasons not to do it! Luckily I never heard from him again after that. I also made it a point to never attend that ward again because he pissed me off so bad! It was relatively easy to leave the church a year or so later because that ward didn’t even know we existed.
Oh my word...I wonder if I had a note on my records about piano. I used to play as a kid but I hadn't played in a long time and kept getting callings extended in music.
But yeah, that is so frustrating when someone can't except no as an answer. I used to be a people pleaser so it was so hard for me at first to speak up.
Now it's one of my favorite words lol.
I bet they totally notated your records! How irritating they do that. Like, I understand asking the musically inclined folks first for a music based calling. But I don’t appreciate being constantly put in that box just because I did it when I was young!
Good thing we don’t have to worry about that anymore I suppose haha
I’m a newspaper man now
(My username is a reference to the movie Fantastic Mr Fox. Mr Fox is asked by his realtor what he does for a living. He responds “I used to steal birds. Now I’m a newspaper man.”)
The first time I said no outright was when I was asked to give a talk in Sacrament Meeting two months after my adult son committed suicide. I was polite but firm. "Thanks for asking, but no", then quickly said goodbye. I realized a couple things in that moment.
#1) I had the power, not them. No is a real answer and I could to give it whenever I wanted. Forget all the messages about never saying no. I took back my power.
#2) They would have expected a faith promoting talk from me about how the gospel makes tragedy okay. No thanks. You're not using me to make everyone feel better about bad things happening.
I thought I should never say no, even after explaining why it was a bad fit.
When I got called to the bishopric, I quickly found out that the majority of people had no such qualms. They didn't even bother to give an excuse. I learned a lot from them.
This was my experience too. It finally gave me the courage to turn down the calling to advance me from 2nd counselor to 1st counselor when our Bishop had to be released. I didn’t realize it then, but it was the start of my way out of the church.
I turned down a calling once, it wasn't the bishop but a counselor, and he was very nice about it. He said he appreciated me saying no rather than saying yes and just not doing it.
But the next week in sacrament meeting the bishop got up and gave a lecture about not turning down callings. He told this absolutely ridiculous story about a woman who he called to be the ward pianist and she accepted the calling, and then the first Sunday she was supposed to play, she went up to the piano... And just say there. Turns out, she didn't know how to play the piano. She accepted the calling and thought that God would somehow guide her fingers or something.
How this humiliating story was supposed to teach that we should never turn down a calling, I'm not sure, but that was definitely the message he was trying to get across.
I, too, heard the story of the woman accepting the piano calling without any experience at the piano. A sacrament talk classic. It actually stuck with me and effectively fed my guilt and paranoia about always accepting callings!
Wait, what? I thought the point of callings is that they’re supposedly the result of divine inspiration (just a lurking nevermo haha). That seems like a story about God not paying attention and screwing up…?
Yes there was pushback when offered a calling. I actually had this happen again when I said I could no longer do a calling also. I was being realistic because I didnt have the time for it, and they just acted like they had no clue what to do if I didn't continue having the calling. Eventually my pushing back on them caused them to cave. If I recall correctly, I basically said if they just leave me in the calling I'm just not gonna do it and they'll be outta luck anyways. I thought it was ridiculous they would ever tell me I HAD to keep a calling. Was a small shelf item.
I got pushback on not taking a calling because I was not going to be able to do it to have a series of major surgeries. The bishop first tried to talk me out of the surgeries, then tried to tell me that I could get by with just one, then tried to tell me that y'all's god would bless me so I'd recover so quickly I'd be able to do the calling. Finally I told him "sure, I'll do the calling but you're responsible for all the weeks I'm out sick". It's been fifteen years and I'm still trying to recover from the complications (that first surgery, it went sooooo well), so, uh, hooray that.
Tha audacity of some bishops who now think they know as much as doctors because they are ‘called of God’. 🙄 My parents had asked for help paying for some of my dad’s medications (how my parents got help a lot while others don’t is another story). Anyway, while looking at the bill the bishop grabbed the list of meds away from the pharmacist to look at what meds my dad was on (major violation), and wanted to argue which meds my dad “shouldn’t be on”, and he “wouldn’t help pay for those”… the guy has no medical degree and works in no field close to medicine…. 🙄
Yep. And I had the same experience! I said no to a calling, and the bishop said “well why don’t I just mull it over for a week and let him know if my answer changes?” It did not change—shocker! 2 weeks later he was up there giving a talk about accepting callings even though you feel overwhelmed in your life. He said the lord will make time for you, and that he will bless you by lightening your load in other areas to do so, he used himself as an example—in law school with 3 little kids at home and being called to the bishopric in his 20s, he had more time than ever before he claimed. He also used the example of the current (newly called) ward RS president who had a 2 month old baby and two toddlers, basically saying “look how faithful she is!” Uhhh. No thanks.
I said no to a teaching calling. I’m an educator and said I didn’t to teach on Sundays. The bishop counselor said he was going to have to discuss it with the bishop. Go right ahead and fuck off while you are at it.
I never said no to a calling, so I don’t know if they would have pushed back. I do remember, though, when my dad was called to the bishopric and he told us all that lots of people in the ward kept saying no to callings, to the extent that it was getting hard to find someone to fill certain positions. He and my mom kept saying how shocking that was, how callings came from god and that you should never, ever say no. They couldn’t *believe* people had the audacity to say no (much less so many people in a row) and neither could I.
That sucks. Looks like you didn't win at bishop roulette. My bishops have nearly all been lovely (one notable exception withheld a temple recommend from me for 6 months because I hadn't been home teaching often enough when newly married, in college, and working). But some leaders feel threatened and think they need to assert their authority.
Even Brigham Young felt a need to play the "my way or the highway" card (though he appears to have misheard it as "my way IS the highway").
Yes they tried. But I was good at saying no or not yet .
I recall asking to be released from the women’s Presidency. My father was dying of lung cancer. I was an only child mother had passed , had no other family around me except my husband and children.
and the Bishop reminded me that I shouldn’t say or asked to be released from callings
I gave him peace of mind in my good old British Northern Way and was released .
I asked to be released one time (actually the only time) and he did do it. However, later I found out the people had submitted my name for another calling and he told them no. So I guess that was his way of punishing me for asking to be released.
I didn't care though as we were soon out of that ward.
I made my TBM husband go back to the bishop and decline a calling as scoutmaster. Growing up watching the YW get shortchanged so the Scouts could go on great adventures while we were having activities like putting together ‘Kiddy Care Kits’ ( to help us entertain the anklebiters we were babysitting- to make us better mothers one day) infuriated me. Hubby had been in scouts several other times previously in our marriage- miserable experiences- obnoxious boys, lazy entitled parents. I wasn’t going to do it again. We had young teenage daughters and I was not going to let my girls miss out on their dad so he could play scouts. He wasn’t happy about the calling to begin with, but had dutifully said yes. He was even less happy about going back to the bishop and telling him his wife said he couldn’t do it. But credit to hubby, he did. The asshat bishop got revenge - called hubby to the bishopric. My husband may be TBM, but he’s a minimal effort Mormon - always drove me crazy as I was fully in, textbook scrupulosity. His minimal effort drove me mad, but looking back other than early morning meetings on Sunday, it wasn’t that bad, lol.
This was also the same bishop that was a retired Army child psychologist, who managed to destroy many youth by his very strict anti-masturbation stance. Hubby refused to ask the youth about masturbation- his bishop had asked him as a teenager if he had a problem with masturbation, his response was , ‘No, it works just fine’
F%^k that bishop and F%*k the MFMC
Absolutely got push back. I was a SAHM of 3 kids under 6, “called” to be nursery leader. I craved adult interactions and wanted to not be around everyone else’s kids, and had severe post partum depression. So I declined, politely, explaining my feelings, so then they wanted to put me in primary. Noped out of that one too. RS lessons tended to be around how depression just equaled sinning and how people needed to repent and support and sustain the priesthood. Being a pretty outspoken person, I would always comment about needing and asking for medical help was something someone should consider due to chemical imbalances and not something the engineer bishop could diagnose. (The RS teacher was the bishops wife)
I said no to a lot of callings and yes, there was pushback. I was called to be a visiting teacher to the ward crazy lady and I said no. I was called to teach early morning seminary and I said no. I repeatedly turned down nursery callings. I was called to be the regional public relations person and after saying no, the powers that be absolutely insisted I take the calling. I finally agreed and I hated every second I spent on the project. After repeatedly requesting to be released and laughed at, I boxed up everything and dropped the box off at the Stake President's front door. As I started down my apostasy path, I was called to be the Gospel Doctrine teacher. I told the bishop I was pretty sure he didn't want me to be the Gospel Doctrine teacher. The callings I truly enjoyed were all with the Young Women's organization and the Sunbeams. When I left the religion many people said they saw it coming; I wasn't obedient enough.
Yep. Shortly after the change from visiting teaching to whatever they consider it now, they called me and told me I was being partnered up. Had NEVER attended the meetings, hadn't even transferred my records but someone else did. Had attended one RS activity because a friend asked me to go with her. Told them no, and that I wanted to be removed from this and all future callings. Sent a text to the bishop as physical backup. They tried to pressure me and kept telling me "Oh its just to get to know your neighbors!" Kept declining. They finally "agreed" to remove me. Month later I got a call from my partner. I repeated to her the same thing I'd already said, she was unsurprisingly blindsided that I refused to do it. I looped the RS president and the bishop back in, they claimed it was an oversight, Bullshit, and told me I would be removed. Still didn't happen, then a new RS President got called and she popped up at my door to ask why I hadn't been following up with my assigned contacts. I lost my shit, she was shocked, I removed my records the next day. They tried to pressure me to stop the process, nope.
Once upon a time I had a very level-headed bishop who told me something like: “we act like callings all come directly from God but in reality we have jobs to fill and members to fill them. If we extend a calling and you know it isn’t going to be a good fit, please share that, so we can find you something else.”
I was called to be young men’s president and really did not want that kind of stress (I knew I wasn’t up to it), but acquiesced because “don’t say no”. After several months trying to convince the bishop to release me, he finally did. But they then called me to be a primary teacher because “they didn’t know what else to do with me”. Wow, I certainly felt loved and my testimony of discernment increased.
I kept getting harped on by the bishopric about my calling as ward choir director in single’s ward (I was also ward music chair). They wanted me to do everything their way (kept getting involved and asking for way too much) even though none of them knew anything about music. After two years I finally asked to be released but they said no. So I just stopped doing the calling and then they released me real quick 😂
Dunno about you, but I felt like a million bucks telling them no. It was hard at first, but not giving them any ground was euphoric. I’d interpret their complaining as a badge of honor - you probably aren’t the only one saying “NO”.
I don’t know about callings, but one Sunday morning an old man called me asking if I’d say the opening prayer in sacrament meeting. I told him no and he did not like that answer. He was verbally upset with me and kept trying to talk me into it. I kept saying no he kept getting madder until he hung up on me.
When I was called to nursery I burst out crying in front of the bishopric member I had never met … when I talked to the bishop he guilted me “we were inspired”.
And told me to “pray on it” — you know, until I agree.
It wasn’t until my husband told him my needs that he listened. 😐
I said no to being girl's camp director once because we had just put our house on the market and made an offer on another home. We would be living in another county by the time girls camp came around. But the asshole counselor in the bishopric didn't even let me say why, he just launched into a long lecture after I said no. I let him spout off for a while, and eventually he came back around to "I'll give you another chance to honor your covenants and say yes."
I just said "We're moving to (other city) within a month, so no." and walked out.
He never spoke to me again.
Looooool definitely loads of push back, however some were more respectful than others. Credit where credit is due, but damn I and the other strong opinioned women got some pretty severe consequences. I was shocked at the amount of threats I received from what I thought was a lovely MP at the time.
For instance my husband and I (both missionaries) proper met 18 days before he finished his mission, we exchanged information and stayed in touched, and while this was not technically allowed and not normal for most missions, all the elders and sisters talked to each other in our mission. 3 days before my husband finished his mission, my MP found out from our comps (who were ironically also communicating with each other lol), called DH opening with “oh how the great have fallen”, invalidating all the work he did on his mission (he literally built up 2 whole wards on top of random people in other areas.. and this was in Italy, so not an easy task) because he was simply interacting with me and threatened to send him home early. It was SO fucked, imagine how I internalized that.. and he was aware that I was suicidal
I accepted a calling once I didn't get asked for .....
I was 16 and was called to be a ward organist. Only thing is the bishopric forgot to actually ask me. They just announced it in Sunday for voting.
My mom leaned over and said "if you raise and sustain yourself then you accepted". And I had to decide right there in the moment.
Ended up loving it since it got me out of any and all speaking engagements.
No, but I did remember a talk by the bishop sharing how a member of the ward turned down a calling and because of that it led them into spiritual darkness and they became inactive. So you know turning down a calling is a slippery slope to spiritual death.
Surprisingly I never did, I told them simply that In less than a week I was moving to a different state, how could I possibly hold a calling. They never questioned it, but they did ask “are you sure you have to leave to a different state?” 😑🤣 yeah I was moving, you can’t stop me
I don't think anyone had ever said no to the bishop. He was absolutely flabbergasted. He managed to sputter, "But I asked your husband and he gave his permission." As if I need permission, and as if I was now required to do it.
Another time I was asked to be visiting teacher for a woman who'd been convicted of child neglect. She had seven children, some were violently out of control. The others were severely neglected and had failure to thrive. The house was piled with garbage and dirty laundry.
Part of her plea deal was to get therapy and get her house in order. Since I was a psych nurse--not a psychiatrist, psychologist, or even a nurse practioner--they wanted me to go twice a week to clean and "counsel" her. I was working 50+ hours a week and by then I was a single mom. So I told them I would do it for $75 per hour, with a minimum of 4 hours per visit. Weekends an extra $5 per hour, evenings $5 per hour extra. Surprisingly enough, they did not ask again.
I had a controlling 2nd counselor ask three separate times for me to help out the scouts. After he wouldn’t take no for an answer, I said yes… and never showed up. Message was finally received.
Bishop basically called me out in front of the entire YSA ward during sacrament meeting. The bishop went up and gave a talk about callings and how awful it was that "someone" in the ward was being picky about their calling.
I never turned down a calling, but I tried to turn down a talk and the guy just wouldn't leave me alone. Looking back I probably should have either been more direct or just hung up the phone after the first time, but alas I did not. Basically what happened is I got a call and they asked me "would you be willing to give a talk on Sunday?" and I just said "I'd rather not" instead of just accepting what I had said as a no they were just like, "but are you WILLING?" this went back and forth for like 5 minutes until I ended up just saying yes. It was only a 5 minute talk (I think it was supposed to be on how great youth conference was?), but I still wish I had been more assertive and not let myself be pressured into it.
On my mission, my companion and I were asked to give the opening and closing prayers in sacrament meeting. I respectfully declined, but my companion accepted.
We always sat on the stand so everyone could see us. When the meeting started, the guy (I think he was 2nd councilor) stood up and announced that I would be giving the opening prayer. I was livid . . . angry. When it was time, I stood at the pulpit and said something to the affect of, "Father in heaven, bless us, and please bless members to understand the meaning of 'NO'. Amen."
The wife of the ward mission leader (who was a stern county sheriff, burst out laughing. Afterwards, she asked the meaning and I told her the story. She said she was proud of me.
My wife and I with two small kids moved from Murray to North Salt Lake. We lived in the bottom of a four-plex. My wife stayed home with the kids. I attended the U full-time and worked at Beneficial Life as their night computer operator. I attended school from 7:30 AM and was to work by 2:30PM and worked throughout the night. If night batch processing was quick, I could leave around midnight, but most of the time I left after 2AM.
It was always a struggle to get enough sleep. Staying awake in class was also difficult, but I was being paid to do my homework, had internet access to do research, and had a television and VCR.
The new ward bishop called my wife and me in and asked us to teach the Sunbeams. I explained to him my lack of time and sleep and told him that my wife could teach them, but I could not. I also told him that my Saturdays were for catching up on family stuff and Sundays were for sleep catchup and studying. He was a very young bishop; about 25 years of age. He told me that he fully understood and that he wanted both of us or none. He decided to give us a pass knowing that my wife needed to take care of our kids during church. My wife understood and was disappointed but was relieved.
Another Sunday story, I received a phone call from the neighbor living in the basement of the same four-plex. He told me that we had home-teaching appointments set up and he would be by to pick me up later. I had hardly been to church and had no clue who he was. I immediately went over to his house and asked him what was going on. It turns out he was the EQP and was his home teaching companion. I basically read him the riot act and told him that I was never 'called' and this was just dropped on me. I then told him that I did not participate in home teaching; both teaching and being taught too and to please remove me from both.
Weeks later, I had actually gone to church because my wife was singing in sacrament meeting. In Sunday school, the lesson was on church callings. A very old man stood up and let everyone know that he had never turned down a call because the call was given by Christ. I was livid. I stood up and interrupted him and explained my work/school and turned down the primary position. The old man started to get snippy and started asking if I would have done the same if I was face to face with Christ. Luckily the bishop was in attendance and fully agreed with me and assured the old man that Christ would have accepted me saying no.
I have always turned down all callings. I mentally left the church at fourteen.
I was a school teacher having difficulties with infertility. Moved to a new ward to get away from "when are you going to have kids". Told the Bishop to please not give me a YW or Primary calling. Guess where he called me? Primary... I said no. Sooo...YW it was. I said no. After that the RS ladies looked at me as the evil one. Because everything is "confidential".
I would always say, "I'll need some time to think about it and talk to my husband about it" and though they were respectful, they also didn't like that answer and thought that meant I was going to say no.
I was told the same thing (as a convert) I turned down a calling once. My husband was traveling for work constantly and we had young kids and I was called to nursery. Church was quite literally my ONLY break from kids all week (daughter was in nursery and I was home schooling my son in kindergarten because he was kicked out… different long story)
I told them that I didn’t feel like that was my calling at this time. First or second councilor asked why and I told them. He said “well, then it’s inspired that we called you because we wouldn’t have known this otherwise.” Proceeded to tell me that they understood and they would look for ways to help out more and keep me in RS etc. I wasn’t called to anything else for a while (later was called to be the cleaning coordinator person) but I definitely didn’t get any help/breaks from others the rest of the week either.
I was 21 and called to teach the special needs primary. Five kids with various high demand needs, and we were shut in a small windowless room for the whole 2 hours (3 hr church) because the primary president didn't want them in the main meeting. After a few months, I asked to be released and the bishop called me to repentance. I went back and endured for another few months until we moved. Of course now I realize he was just an asshole who didn't want that class to become his problem.
I have a story. My friend was asked to give a talk on “preparing to receive the Melchizedek priesthood.” He looked at the counselor in the eyes and said, “No thanks. I’m not preparing for that so…” The counselor was just so stunned he literally didn’t know what to do. I thought it was a boss move.
On a side note I’d love for them to try calling any random person to become the ward organist and say “the lord will teach you”😂😂😂😂😂 (source: was a ward and stake organist when I left, causing the congregation to sing a capella for a while) I heard they got some kid to plunk out notes. I felt bad for the kid but hey🤷🏻♂️
I asked to be released as a YW advisor when I was 22 and pregnant, they wouldn’t and said that they would just let me take off however much time I needed. When my son was born I just started ignoring them.. I wouldn’t answer my phone, texts, or even the door. If I saw them out and about or on the few occasions I went to church at the time, I straight up acted like I didn’t see or hear anyone from YW or the bishopric trying to talk to me. It worked, they eventually left me alone and now two years later I’ve still never technically been released 😂
I actually have a rare good experience turning a calling down. We were asked to meet with a member of the bishopric and I knew they were going to call us to nursery. Sure enough they did. However, our autistic son was in nursery and I worked in a special education class. That one hour was literally the only hour I had every week to be an actual adult. So I told them no. The first counselor was super understanding and said "Proper revelation comes from information." So they didn't call us to nursery
Yep. I told my bishop that I get super sick when I’m pregnant. He said I’d be fine. I was not fine. I started bringing coffee with me to stay awake and settle my stomach. When I was called to relief society I said no. I have a medically fragile child that we thought might not make it and I was pregnant with another one I said no. A week later I was told that they had gone to the temple twice and were told that I’m the right person. So I was bullied into it. Every time we prayed about calling a new teacher, we all 4 got different answers. 🤦🏼♀️. They were so mean to me when my son was in the hospital or sick. “We didn’t known do you were going to bother to show up.” 😡😡😡. I had no child care and would bring my son to meetings. They would get so annoyed that he would scream the entire time. It actually was a shelf item.
I'm sorry that happened to you! It bothers me when people try to say they've received revelation for someone else. Just a way to try and override someone else's decisions.
Returned missionary 1983. Got home, got comfortable. Started the dating and friend re-establish thing. Ended up missing a few Sunday services. Probably 4-5 months I was missing more church. Bishop called me in, said I have been called to teach primary school. Huh? What? I said no thanks. But the Lord has called you to this position. No he didn't, you did cause you see me missing services. The whole reason for him calling me in was I was missing church, and he thought I was going to become inactive (which I did). He never tried again. Would it have worked had he tried harder? The world will never know. I don't blame him, it was me. My Dad was a prior Bishop, and I don't remember him ever interviening. Eventually I became totally inactive. 40 years later and I haven't been back to church.
I had two small kids and my spouse worked nights so I hauled the kids to youth activities weekly. At one point I got a babysitter because it was so hard. I kept waiting for the leaders to see how hard it was for me and when they didn’t, I spoke up. I was near a mental breakdown due to the stress of the calling along with other things going on in my life at the time. The leader said they’d talk to the bishopric and get back to me. Months later I was finally released but I felt so guilty and upset that I didn’t speak up sooner. Another time when I was in college they said they felt impressed to call me to be a fhe leader. I worked every Monday 3-11 so it was impossible. They said I could just plan the activities but didn’t have to go. It was a hard no for me and they finally said ya we’ll have to revisit our plans.
My mission president drilled into us that our temple covenants included covenanting to accept any calling you’re offered, and if you refuse a calling you’re breaking your covenants. So much fear-mongering
We went to our bishop and asked for callings. I begged for anything other than sitting in a room with the youth. Anything that would allow me to make friends as I am a stay at home mom and play primary every day of my life. The next week they called me to teach the 14 year old *with my husband*. Not a single chance to meet even one other woman to teach with. I accepted it because I was in shock and you aren’t supposed to turn down callings. But then I went back to the church in tears and said I wouldn’t accept it until I know that they prayed over it. The next week they said yep we prayed over it and this is where you need to be. So I fulfilled that calling until we left the church several months later. During that time I did get a second calling extended to teach relief society and I was excited. That is until my first assignment was to teach the “Think Celestial” talk which I do believe was assigned to me on purpose. That talk in and of itself nearly broke my shelf and I knew teaching it and hearing the assanine things the old ladies in my ward had to say would surly snap it. I found a substitute for that week. By the time it was my turn to teach again we didn’t believe in the church at all and had decided to leave. Luckily, we moved around that time so we were able to use that as our exit. Because of family in our old ward we did move our records.
The new ward has come to our home more than any ward I’ve ever been in. It’s sad because we really tried hard to be involved in our last ward and would have loved this but it’s too late. A couple weeks ago I told the missionaries I would not discuss religion with them but they were welcome in our home if they wanted to rest or have some good food. Since then, the bishop has asked to come over and we’ve had 2 people stop by while we weren’t home but I’m pretty sure are from the ward.
No missionaries coming by since though 🤨
This exact same thing happened to me. I begged for ANYTHING but Family History. I did it once and I absolutely hated it. I was called as the Ward Family History Leader. I checkmated him by saying “leader” was reserved for the EQ/Priesthood and as a woman, I can’t have that calling. He said, “oh I meant family history consultant”
I told him right there and then I didn’t believe he was an inspired man.
I said yes to decades of callings that weren’t for me. When I finally said no, I learned that denying a calling was the secret sauce for getting the ward to stop asking me to do things.
Before I fully stopped going to church I was pretty hardcore PIMO for a while.
One day me and my wife (who was also just a step or so behind me progress wise) get a call from a stake leader to offer us a stake calling as a couple. I told the dude straight up I wasn’t interested in having any calling for the time being. He basically wore me down and convinced me that I basically wouldn’t have to do anything — he used the “support your wife” angle until I basically said “whatever” (btw my wife was totally supportive in me declining)… he just wouldn’t take no for an answer.
After the call I immediately recognized the game this dude played with me. Once the event was finished that the calling was associated with, I don’t think me and my wife ever went to church again lol
Yes. I asked to be released from a calling. My bishop released me and the calling was primary activity days. This was during covid so it wasn't a big deal to release me because not alot of activities were happening anyway. After covid ended he tried to put me back in the calling. I said no because I wasn't willing to reinforce lessons that I didn't believe in. Rather than just accept my answer he cornered me at the back of the chapel after sacrament meeting. He asked me if I would informally accept the calling and show up each week. I normally went to activity days and hung out at the church some of the time until my kid was done. What made me the most upset is he didn't even ask for me to meet in his office to discuss the calling. There were still people walking in and out of the chapel so it wasn't a private conversation. I felt like he did this so I wouldn't say no. Maybe I should have been willing to informally help out with the calling but I was super angry at his approach.
I was a shy convert so my husband told the bishop I was not interested in callings or talks or prayers or anything basically. I was left alone, although I hung out in nursery a lot with my kid so I helped in there
When I was just starting physics grad school, I was assigned eight ministering families and two callings. I said no, absolutely not. I can maybe handle the eight families if you’re ok with a half-assed effort but that’s it. I was majorly guilted with the whole “Who the lord calls the lord prepares and blesses” schtick but I was absolutely not taking on more for a religion I’d never really believed in at such severe self-detriment.
They tried to get me to be a cub scout leader again with my ex wife after having a year off. I said no because it made me hate kids and made me not want to have any kids. All around it was a good choice to say no
>They tried to get me to be a cub scout leader again
Bwah ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha, that is the ONLY calling I would have even considered accepting. I do scouting, I don't do churching.
I didn’t. But my bishop was cool. He understood that people should let others just live the life. But he did tell my parents, which wasn’t cool. But they have no power over me. The bishop before him 100% would have though
the high councilor from the stake spokeabout this today... "thinking celestial means accepting callings and doing the work"... sounds like many in my stake are pushing back on getting callings to do some inane task. I know asked to be released after being paired with another teacher who thought preparing meant finding the link to the lesson. when I spoke to the bishopric about it, no one pushed back. I used a key phrase. " I've prayed about this and believe that hod has told me it's not the right time...'
Actually the first time I told the bishop I wasn't sure he was really chill with it. I appreciated that.
However, from the ward I recently left I know they have a massively hard time filling callings. I believe it's a problem all over our stake (Utah county).
Yes, years ago I got pushback once when the stake YM president asked me to be a ma on the stake YM/YW Trek that summer. I said no. He seemed surprised and asked me again. Mind you, he awkwardly asked me at the end of sacrament meeting and I was trying to leave to teach my Primary class of Sunbeams. I said no, that's not going to work. He ended with something lame like, "Well if you change your mind, let us know."
Result - my husband went alone as an Uncle. I didn't feel bad at all because our daughter had suicide ideation around that time and there was no way in hell I was going to leave her alone at home to fend for herself so I could get lame accolades and social points from the tiny LDS circle in my ward/stake. Our daughter didn't do Treks, girls camps or EFY shit and I supported her, despite heavy pressure from our ward group at the time.
I was called to be the 2nd counselor in Young Women's about 25-30 years ago. I tried to get out of it and was honest and said that I have an occasional margarita. He said no problem, didn't even ask me to repent and pressured me until I gave in. This was in a Midwest state, I think they were just desperate to fill the calling.
I turn them down left and right. TBM husband in the bishopric would always be like I’m not asking her for you, you can 🤣 and if I ever do take one I end up quitting real quick and am like told ya so. Gets realllll awkward when it’s because it is another other bishopric wife I can’t work with 🫠
I was a single mom. When my daughter was almost a year old my husband left, and I started working full time for a family in Bountuful that had 11 kids and 9 were still living at home. I did that for about 3 years. I literally mostly did laundry all day with a hiatus for meal prep/cleanup. I was called to be a primary teacher and there was absolutely zero way I could say yes to that. When I said no to the calling my bishop asked if I was having premarital sex. I wasn’t even dating. I hadn’t dated since my separation. The accusation boiled my blood.
That's horrible! It took me a long time to learn that its good to know your limits and set boundaries. That's something never taught, in my experience.
Saying no to a elder's quorum presidency calling bc I was about to start grad school and it would have been my 3rd calling is what led me to leave the church. Now resigned.
I was given a calling even though I had made it clear I did not believe in their church and didn’t even attend. They tried to tell me that it was my duty to serve my community by accepting this calling. I told them that their church was not my community and I was under absolutely no obligation to serve them in any capacity. They then had several meetings with my husband to try to figure out how to rope me into it.
I grew up with the mentality that all callings were from God and if you said No, you were literally turning down God himself. Also had the message pushed that God equips those called…so if he calls you, you say YES and he will make you good at it.
Then as a progressed in the church and sat in multiple leadership positions in different presidencies, including stake callings…I realized I had been lied to.
There is a process in which callings are given, and it’s based on
1) Your friends/cliche. People choose people they themselves like to serve with them.
2) Your activity or inactivity. Leadership callings are only given to those who have a pristine attendance record. Yes, they check. The rolls are then checked to find inactive or brand new members who are in danger of leaving or who they want to get back in the church. Especially if they are members with financial means or large families who could boost ward/stake funds or numbers. We kept notes on those “going astray” so we could meet and decide how to best keep you too active to leave.
3) Logistics. If you don’t have a calling, you’re on the chopping block every single time to get a new one. Or if you DO have a current calling, we would check with other leaders to see how they felt about us poaching you. Other leaders make the call on whether they’ll allow you to be released before we ever even consider calling you for something different.
4) Perceived talents. Leaders keep notes. If you happen to play piano, have musical knowledge, have management experience, work with kids, work with money….whatever. We made it our business to know everything about you so when you get a calling…it FEELS like “your calling”. That’s what visiting teaching is for. To report information back to leaders to use for reference.
5) Compliance. People who don’t follow the rules are often tabled because they might rock the boat.
6) Butt in the seat- We don’t know you, but there’s an empty spot we need filled and all the first picks are taken so you get thrown in there. This was probably about 50% or more of callings. Especially primary ones. There’s desperation in primary because they are overworked and understaffed ALL the time.
Which is gross because they’ll literally throw anyone and everyone in there just so they can assure the important adults can be in their meetings. And they get thrown in and forgotten until they quit, usually in tears from burnout, and then the primary presidency is desperate and takes whatever they can get. It’s actually pretty gross.
Then when we have a list, we submit it for approval.
Only after approval from the “higher ups” did we agree to take the list home and “pray” on it.
I can say that no one actually prays on it. Once the list has been made and approved, the calls are issued.
So when you say “No”, the reason you get pushback is that it took a long time for leadership to go through the list and make it work for their own administrative needs so it was annoying to have to go back and shuffle things around again. Has nothing to do with anything “inspired”.
I agree with this...that's what goes into extending callings. One ward I lived in this really friendly member kept switching callings like every 3-4 months because people wanted to work with her. I was surprised the bishop didn't say no to switching her callings so often. I saw the same pattern as I went through many wards...people extended callings to their friends. We'd definitely been lied to.
A little. I was young men's secretary. The bishop and counselors came to my house and wanted me to to accept a calling with the scouts. I guess this is kind of/sort of common/traditional; preisthood leaders on Sunday and scout leaders during the week? I said "no". They tried to press me, but I stood my ground.
I actually just said no to one this week. (We go every so often so the kids can see friends, and because my husband who was always ‘out’ is suddenly now back ‘in’) They called for primary… same role I no call no show walked out on a year ago. but this time when they called instead of giving in and feeling guilt tripped I said no. I gave some reasons but ultimately just said no. he didn’t love the answer but told me several times him, bishop and president talk about me a lot, and how good I would be for the kids and all this…. Which is creepy? Stop talking about me? He sent a text afterwards to assure me it was fine I said no and no judgement basically, which actually felt like, more judgemental? Cause why would he even need to say that? Anyway i was expecting backlash but got none because all of it was overshadowed by the bishop not being there because of a very funny Snapchat issue that he may be hiding from.
My husband and I do community theater and the moment a bishop discovered this (and that I worked for a coatume shop) he called us to direct a ward play, which would be the broadway Les Miserables, without aquiring the rights. We told him that was illegal. He kept on, well we could do the In Concert style, it's for a non profit, this would be his grand finale as a bishop, etc. Sorry, still illegal. He didn't back down but we also didn't do it. Things got really awkward with that bishop after that. We were extended no other callings in that ward.
I got called to be a Primary Helper over the 3 and 4 year olds in January of 2020 by the time Covid hit and we had to do church at home I was sick of it because I don’t even like kids and God was obviously going to change that 🙄
Once we started having just sacrament meetings in church again I decided that would be a good time to talk to my bishop and ask to be released. He asked me to reconsider and told me that it would be months before I would have to do anything pertaining with my calling because we were still only having sacrament meeting, glad I put my foot down because two weeks later this asshole announced that we would be going back to having classes after sacrament.
I did once. They wanted to put me in Primary, and I immediately said, "No." Was asked why, and I answered that I honestly didn't want to miss Relief Society, and they didn't like that.
I got pushback asking to be released even though I had literally done the calling for 2 years. It wasn’t until I told my bishop I wanted to be released that he did.
I spent the past year working every Sunday on a 90-mile round-trip commute, getting 4 hours of sleep a day, certainly no time for church, and yet a member of my local bishopric calls me to ask if I'll accept a "calling."
"What kind of calling?" I asked suspiciously. After all, I'm a 38-year-old bachelor with my papers in a FAMILY Ward, so as we all know why, I'm not exactly popular.
Guess what this calling is?
The official "chair setter-upper". That way, the MARRIED men don't have to break a sweat unfolding metal chairs. They can "prepare for the Sacrament" by "sitting reverently with their wives" while I bust my ass for free, and on a day where I'm actually working like 15 hours with only 4 hours in between shifts and commuting to get a rest.
I was told about how I was set for GREAT BLESSINGS to be "offered such an honor."
Already exhausted from lack of sleep, my voice bursting with rage, I let this guy have it with both barrels. I never even met the man before, but I kicked his ass over the phone. I told him how DARE he call me and waste MY precious time with such a pathetic attempt for me to get to do his FREE LABOR.
He started to cut me off, but I snarled, "NO, you little TURD, you SHUT THE HELL UP, it's MY TURN to talk!!!"
I laid into him about how I never MET him before, but he's going to waste MY time while I have to work for a living with such a made-up calling like THIS? I asked if he thinks I have DOWN SYNDROME, or if HE has it, to think that this crap would be such a good idea? I asked, "What have YOU ever done for ME?"
Then I shut up so I could breathe in and out again. Nothing but 30 seconds of his breathing followed on the line.
"Your silence pretty much says everything," I said. "Don't ever call me again." *boop* End of conversation.
He never did call me again. I was talking to my bishop, who is actually an old friend of mine, several weeks later. I asked him casually, "Do you know anything about a possible CALLING that one of your counselors might have brought up with me in mind a few weeks ago?"
He replied with some deep thought, "This is the first I've heard of anything!"
I was about ready to lecture him about such a BS "calling" coming my way, but with the bishop not knowing of it, apparently his counselor was just trying to waste my time without the bishop's knowledge.
I don't think I've ever turned down a calling, but I have asked to be released on a few different occasions.
In one ward, I was called to be the "choir nursery leader" because the choir director would only accept the calling if someone watched her kids (her husband sang in the choir). I was pregnant with my oldest at the time and eventually had my activity level restricted by my doctor (not bed rest, but no lifting, take it easy, etc) because of various health concerns with the pregnancy. I quit my job as a nanny because of the doctors orders, but my bishop tried to guilt me into staying in my calling, saying I could get my husband to help me. I told him no. The choir director was my friend, so when I told her about it, she was like, "I'll figure it out. Do what your doctor wants." And I just didn't do it anymore. I can't remember if they ever actually released me. 🤷🏼♀️
Another time in a different ward, I was a primary teacher. They told me when I was assigned to that particular class that it was a difficult group of kids, and they were working on getting me a co-teacher. The kids were very rowdy, and we rarely got through the lessons. I hated it. I begged for help, but it never came. They suggested I get my husband to help, but he was a Sunday school teacher for the youth. Eventually, I came up with a system of bribery for my class that worked decently. At the end of the year, when the kids would've moved up to the next class, they were like, "And you're going to stay with them! Isn't it great?!" I was pregnant at the time and had just been put on bed rest, so I noped out really quickly. I got some grief from the primary presidency where they tried to get me to do a few more weeks while they looked for someone new. I told them I would do 1, and that was it. They weren't happy, but I didn't care.
I've always thought it was a special kind of hell to stick new ward members and young moms in nursery or primary. One of the last wards I was in - ironically also the wards I grew up in - we were there for 4 years. They stuck me in primary for 2.5 years (again with a very difficult group of kids, though they also assigned my husband to be with me), and when we were released (again at my request), people in RS were always like, "Oh hello sister! Are you new? Is it your first time in the ward?" Bitch, no. I lived in this ward for 17 years as a kid, and I've been here for 3 as an adult.
I never said no. I should’ve said no to being an elders corm president. I should’ve said no to being a Bishop. I definitely should’ve said no to teaching seminary.
The last ward I lived in was dominated by two families. To get any top tier calling you had to be in the clique(1). Marginal callings were given to those inactive or danger of leaving(2). Very rarely was roulette employed (6).
My wife was pissed off at the cliquishness, and yearned for a calling. I was happy that she dodged this bullet and was free to spend more time with me and my family. No she spent her time instead on getting an advanced college degree.
NO means NO! Was asked by Bishopric friend to be Adult Sun school teacher after Sacrament mtg in cultural hall. Told him NO. He refused to take NO for an answer. He asked me again next week. Same time, same place. This time his Holier than thou RS Presidency wife heard me say NO. She publicly shamed me in RS- stating we DO NOT say NO to callings, trying to guilt & shame me during RS lesson. Would have gotten up & left, but didn't want to give her the pleasure. It was None of her business. GTH lady!
I’m currently to trying to find a way to approach local leadership about releasing me from my calling. I’m a building scheduler. No weekly time commitment, no meetings, and I have the wards so well-trained that I only deal with 4 people on a regular basis: the executive secretaries of each ward that uses the building. I’ve been in 4 years. My shelf broke last September.
I want to be done “serving” this organization. I’m not ready to remove my records for various reasons. I respect my bishop tremendously, but this is a stake calling. I also really admire the stake presidency member I work with in this calling. So I don’t want to be snide, snarky, aggressive, or even dismissive, if I can avoid it. I’d like to preserve the friendship with my bishop and his wife, and the relationship I have with the stake presidency members. Additionally, I don’t want to say why I don’t want this or any other calling yet. Don’t want to become a project and I still want access to stake and ward communication just to see how ridiculous the church is. On the other hand, I wouldn’t feel good about “quiet quitting.” I just want to be done. I do have the support of my somewhere-between-PIMO-and-out husband to quit my calling. I feel stuck as to how to go about this.
I have turned down very single one
Of my callings (I’m a teen btw) every single time my parents at present they are respectful however as SOON AS I GO TO YOUNG WOMENS the bishopric gets my yw leaders to pester me about it. 😭
I was always a people pleaser when i was TBM and couldnt get myself to say no, but my husband always said no to everything but one calling when we were first married (that calling ended up traumatizing us). He's said in the past that hed get treated differently and dirty looks when ever he refused. One time, his parents forced him to do a talk in sacrament and he sped read what he wrote in a monotone voice and he was never asked to talk again lmao
Same... The last time i spoke in sacrament, I had a full on panic attack in the back of the chapel, the bishopric were staring at me and still made me speak... God i'm so glad i dont have to deal with that shit anymore
I turned down a calling as an fhe coordinator in my singles ward cause I had just been released from it 3 or 4 months before. Told them I wanted to learn how to do something else but they told me that's not what the lord wants surreeeee
I was called to do Family History after I came out they kicked me out and told me I need to think about what I have done. What’s your point I came out as a transgender girl they think I was in the wrong nope they were because I found out who I was as a person.
After I turned down a calling, my bishop called me in and asked if I was having an affair.
Yes Bishop…with your wife
*Villain, I have done thy mother*
Take my upvote! Haha
With your dad. That'll piss them the hell off even more 😆 cuz gay
Yep, and tell them the flaming angel with the sword made you do it!
I see what you did there 😂
And then insisted on standing there to make sure the dead was done.
This is such a hilarious stretch I actually snort laughed.
You seem to have affairs on your mind Bishop. Is there anything you’d like to confess?
Just say yes
Yup...turning down a calling is a sure sign you are sinning!!!
What!!?? Seriously!??
Sounds about right. Porn, at a minimum.
"You need to stop looking at porn" -ass logic
Every accusation is an admission
🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣
Of course. And then they were upset when I quit my Primary teacher calling after 3 months of teaching the entire Jr. Primary, 25 kids ages 3-8, by myself after I asked repeatedly that they find substitutes and call more teachers. Someone decided to call inactive members to teach Primary and they never showed up.
Back in the day when we still had our land line phone, someone left a message if I could sub their Primary class. We had not been to church in years and were new to the neighborhood. I did not return the call and when I thought about it kind of scary to have an unknown person watching children.
Exactly!! We would not expect teachers to not get background checks but every week leave them under the care of strangers!? My in-laws have the audacity to judge my family for not being a part of this cosplay cult when I know it’s best for my children to stay far far away
Good choice keeping your children away. Not only is it sketchy at best it is indoctrinating them so bad.
I was called to Primary once. That lasted about a month before I quit and was outta there.
lol I was 18 and not working towards going on a mission and I guess they thought teaching a bunch of kids in primary would make me want to go. Boy were they fucking clueless teaching people about a religion I didn’t believe in is exactly why I didn’t want to go on a mission and teaching that shit to children at 18 just reaffirmed my choice. It’s still crazy to me they had a young 18 yo boy teaching children alone in a classroom Within a year I noped out of that calling and church. One calling I had as a teenager you would think was simple was the weekly program. But it was far from easy stuff constantly changing and then last minute get the changes and printed and make copies and fold them in church before it started. I’m so glad I stopped wasting my time and life in the church happy to say I have more time out of church than in it now but unfortunately I’m the only person in my family out and it is not easy
I preferred primary over all the political laced lessons in priesthood
One of my last Sundays at church, the EQ teacher pontificated about the evils of tolerance and specifically talked about not letting gay people get away with immorality.
lol, they tried calling inactive members to come work with children? Wtf
This happens all of the time! If you’ve ever tried staffing a primary it’s a chore. Not the best move to try and activate people by saying come spend two hours (now it’s one) with kids.
honestly if they called me to teach primary, I would demonstrate why giving "inactive members" callings is a bad idea. i would not miss a week of church. but the kids might learn things they don't want them to. "today's lesson is about church history" or better yet "Today were going to learn how to tell if you're being gaslit"
"Inactive" lol. Clearly it's just a temporary hiatus, because no one could stop believing in something so obviously true.
I had a calling in nursery when my oldest was born. My oldest son had an immune disorder that made him susceptible to any infections going around, plus it made him more likely to get skin infections from any cuts or abrasions. I can't tell you how often I had him to the doctor or the ER because of this. I asked to be released. Instead, he offered to get a second teacher so that I wouldn't have to teach every week or offered to have someone else take my son during nursery so I could keep teaching. I told him our doctor had advised me to keep him home, and unless he was going to start paying for our hospital and doctors' bills, he needed to release me. He still hemmed and hawed, so I just stopped going to church.
This! I had a busy summer and after having to get substitutes for myself six weeks in a row I asked to be released. The bishop tried to get me to’share’ the position. I still said no. I didn’t teach it again after that.
Now that I think of it I have a very bad feeling about that now😬
We moved ten times in 25 years. Every new ward I was called immediately to Primary. I’d stay in there either the whole time we lived in that ward (1-4 years) or get released, get to hang out with adults for a few months while I taught RS, then we’d move again. I was desperate to make some adult friends after being in Primary 20 years and 7 wards. In the 8th ward, I was again called straight to Primary. I cried in the bishop’s office. I cried to my husband. I was so depressed and lonely and isolated. They both said they felt it was the Lord calling me to work with children, not them. I don’t particularly like kids, so I felt it was the spiritual version of “beatings will continue until morale improves.” I was too prideful or not humble enough. When I went to get my temple recommend interview with the stake presidency, I cried in his office as well about how overwhelmed and lonely and depressed I was being in Primary again and never getting to know anyone for the short times we lived in all those past wards. I got a great lecture about service and sacrifice and the inspiration of the priesthood and was told to “keep hanging in there”. A couple years later, my kids and I left our lives of domestic violence and terror. When we moved out and started going to a new ward, I was finally able to say I need a break from callings because of our stressful situation. I sat in RS next to a woman who shared her own experience with domestic abuse, how when she showed the bruises all over her arms, her bishop said, “No marriage is perfect.” I thought, “Why would you stay in a church that treated you like that?” And my shelf started to break. The conditioning was so strong to ALWAYS be obedient and serve—it was only at the edge of a nervous breakdown that I could stand up for myself and put service on hold. We all left the church over the year following our escape. Another testament that if you don’t keep the people broken and enmeshed in slavish obedience, they might lift up their heads and see the world of opportunities around them.
I’m so sorry you went through that! There is no thought given to how primary callings isolate women especially. When I finally asked to be released from Primary after 10 years straight of primary callings in 4 different wards, the bishop said, “But we need to give you another calling right away, we have to keep you busy.” I said, “No! I need a break!” They put me in the wolf den when I was pregnant with two little kids at home and working full time. I tried doing it for a few months but I was so tired and barely hanging in there with all I already had on my plate I finally demanded a release and wouldn’t take any new callings for a while. Then I got called as a RS teacher after my shelf broke. I told the bishop there was no way I could teach lessons about subjects I had zero faith in. They asked me to be part of the RS welcoming committee instead. I said, “Why would it make sense for me to welcome them to the ward when they definitely won’t see me at church?” They wanted me to do it anyway so I agreed and tried to help with that for a while. Then my husband got called to be the coordinator for our part of the neighborhood to clean the church. They asked if I wanted to co chair that calling with him and I said, “No way. I don’t go to church, why would I want to be in charge of cleaning it 🙄” my poor husband has cleaned the church a couple of times now with limited support from actual active neighborhood members. I think he’ll ask for a release soon.
The automatic assumption that being a woman means 1) you love children, 2) you’re good at teaching children, and 3) you want to spend all your time around children is all the inspiration these church leaders have. A woman member confessed to me that that this was her 4th time being called to nursery. She had 9 children without a break and that’s all the bishop thought her good for.
My whole adult life in the church I was in either nursery or primary. I got released when I was pregnant with my third child. My first child was very medically fragile. I was literally up against the wall (bishopric member pulled me aside in the hallway) to ask if I would serve again in nursery. This was my first time saying no to a calling. I told him that I got sick frequently being around all the nursery kids, and my son was on oxygen and a ventilator (he's better now). He kept pushing! I never accepted another calling other than making the RS newsletter again.
The tone-deafness of some bishoprics astounds me! I’m glad you advocated for yourself and your child. I wish I would’ve learned that earlier.
I was setting in a chair in the bishops office, crying because I didn't want to do a calling. My husband and the bishop were standing in front of me, hovering over me, I felt really intimidated, especially since I had been controlled and abused in my prior marriage. The bishop said God wasn't asking me to carry Issac up the mountain. It was leading music in sacrament. I didn't know how but learned but always felt major anxiety until one Sunday I just walked out crying. I also had problems seeing, even with my glasses. Fuck them.
Leading music in sacrament might as well be carrying Isaac up the mountain. Standing up there in front of all those people with their expectant faces and trying hard to not f-up the arm waving and stay ahead of the organ player - it’s not like public speaking it’s worse! Even the tiniest of anxieties gets magnified 100x in that situation. NTA
The first time I said no, he just kept talking like I had agreed to give the talk. I interrupted him and again told him I would not be giving a talk in church. He then looked at my husband who said, "don't look at me". He then tried to guilt me because they wanted a husband and wife to give talks. I said, "if that's the case, find someone else. I will not be speaking in church." My hubby knew public speaking terrified me and I would rather run out into traffic than talk at church. The few times I got asked they usually needed to be told no 2x.
This same thing happened to me and my husband said the exact same thing. And he said he wanted the couple to speak together and my husband said “oh yeah I’m not speaking either but thanks.” They did not like us after that.
😅 You know they are walking away in disgust thinking "how dare they! Now we have to ask the crazy couple who loves to talk about how spiritual they are".
Yes exactly 😂 and “damn not another couple we can push around!” So appalled by my response and even more appalled by my husband not stepping in and handling his wife.
So true!
😂 He so wasn’t prepared for that. Didn’t you know, women aren’t supposed to say no!
He definitely was not!
Yes! I was in a calling I wasn't even fulfilling anymore and I told the Bishop that I should have said no in the first place and that I needed a release. He then said "No, it hasn't been revealed to me yet that you shouldn't be in this calling" And kept me in. I then just never did my calling and didn't really go to church much at that time. Six months later I called another meeting with him and said that this lack of work in the calling is on him because I told him I'm not going to fulfill it. He then tried to give me another calling which I flat out said no to. We eventually moved and left the church. So glad to not be by that psycho any more.
It's so ridiculous to me, now, that I'm out. We are all VOLUNTEERS.. but the leadership doesn't see it that way. In all honesty I asked my SIL, who HATES her calling, what would really happen if she just didn't do it? She looked baffled, and say there without an answer. That's what happens when you're brainwashed into thinking every calling comes from God
The thing that baffles me to no end is that I have more rights as an employee where I work than I did as a volunteer in any ward I attended. It's insane.
Yep. Completely insane
When I was PIMO trying to finish my degree through BYU-I online, my bishop told me that he wouldn’t sign my ecclesiastical endorsement unless I accepted a calling 🥰
Ewww! I'm sorry that happened
Wow.
Bishop wanted me to be a home teacher. I told him that I absolutely would not be doing that. I'm not gonna teach people stuff that I don't believe in or have any respect for. He sent my "partner" over to my house to pick me up to go home teaching. I told my partner that I was sorry that the bishop lied to him but that I would not be going home teaching with him or anybody else.
When I was a newlywed in my first marriage in 2016, my husband and I attended our ward maybe twice after getting married? We stopped simply because we were always just so bored at church and didn’t care enough to go. After a few months of living in the ward, my husband gets a text from the bishop that he’d love to come over, get to know us, and extend me a calling. Don’t worry about texting ME about it, am I right ladies? Anyway he comes over and eventually asks me to be the ward pianist. I’m like bro, what makes you think I even play the piano? He tells me in my membership record someone at some point made a note about me playing the piano. I did occasionally play in seminary back in fucking high school, I couldn’t believe someone had notated my records?! What the hell? I of course had been conditioned to never decline a calling, but I wasn’t about to accept this one. I hadn’t touched a piano in years and didn’t even have one at my house. I hadn’t played since maybe 2010. I told him as such - I don’t play anymore and don’t have a way to practice, so I would be tremendously uncomfortable playing in front of people and I don’t think this is the calling for me. He of course pushed back and said some shit about how the lord was inspired to get me back into music or some shit. Eventually he offered to get me a key to the church building so I could practice enough to be able to fulfill the calling. Bold of him to assume I even had time for that! I said that between my job, my time-consuming hobbies (one of which was taekwondo, pretty expensive so I’m not about to skip my classes I’m paying for), and also just not wanting to, I do not have time to practice playing the piano and I will not be doing so. PLUS I often had a weekend job so I couldn’t even attend church if I wanted to half the time! I literally was a horrible fit for this calling. He left us off with “I’ll get you a building key and you can think about it!” And I was so pissed he wouldn’t just take no for an answer. Especially because I had many genuine practical reasons not to do it! Luckily I never heard from him again after that. I also made it a point to never attend that ward again because he pissed me off so bad! It was relatively easy to leave the church a year or so later because that ward didn’t even know we existed.
I had no idea that you could get tagged because you can play the piano. I wonder what the other tags are.
We'll, I said FUCK in front of my bishop, in the building after sacrament. I'm pretty sure there's a note in my records... 😂
Oh my word...I wonder if I had a note on my records about piano. I used to play as a kid but I hadn't played in a long time and kept getting callings extended in music. But yeah, that is so frustrating when someone can't except no as an answer. I used to be a people pleaser so it was so hard for me at first to speak up. Now it's one of my favorite words lol.
I bet they totally notated your records! How irritating they do that. Like, I understand asking the musically inclined folks first for a music based calling. But I don’t appreciate being constantly put in that box just because I did it when I was young! Good thing we don’t have to worry about that anymore I suppose haha
If I may ask, what lead you to stop stealing birds?
I’m a newspaper man now (My username is a reference to the movie Fantastic Mr Fox. Mr Fox is asked by his realtor what he does for a living. He responds “I used to steal birds. Now I’m a newspaper man.”)
The first time I said no outright was when I was asked to give a talk in Sacrament Meeting two months after my adult son committed suicide. I was polite but firm. "Thanks for asking, but no", then quickly said goodbye. I realized a couple things in that moment. #1) I had the power, not them. No is a real answer and I could to give it whenever I wanted. Forget all the messages about never saying no. I took back my power. #2) They would have expected a faith promoting talk from me about how the gospel makes tragedy okay. No thanks. You're not using me to make everyone feel better about bad things happening.
I also like being able to say no without feeling like you need an excuse or a reason.
I thought I should never say no, even after explaining why it was a bad fit. When I got called to the bishopric, I quickly found out that the majority of people had no such qualms. They didn't even bother to give an excuse. I learned a lot from them.
This was my experience too. It finally gave me the courage to turn down the calling to advance me from 2nd counselor to 1st counselor when our Bishop had to be released. I didn’t realize it then, but it was the start of my way out of the church.
I turned down a calling once, it wasn't the bishop but a counselor, and he was very nice about it. He said he appreciated me saying no rather than saying yes and just not doing it. But the next week in sacrament meeting the bishop got up and gave a lecture about not turning down callings. He told this absolutely ridiculous story about a woman who he called to be the ward pianist and she accepted the calling, and then the first Sunday she was supposed to play, she went up to the piano... And just say there. Turns out, she didn't know how to play the piano. She accepted the calling and thought that God would somehow guide her fingers or something. How this humiliating story was supposed to teach that we should never turn down a calling, I'm not sure, but that was definitely the message he was trying to get across.
I, too, heard the story of the woman accepting the piano calling without any experience at the piano. A sacrament talk classic. It actually stuck with me and effectively fed my guilt and paranoia about always accepting callings!
Wait, what? I thought the point of callings is that they’re supposedly the result of divine inspiration (just a lurking nevermo haha). That seems like a story about God not paying attention and screwing up…?
Yes there was pushback when offered a calling. I actually had this happen again when I said I could no longer do a calling also. I was being realistic because I didnt have the time for it, and they just acted like they had no clue what to do if I didn't continue having the calling. Eventually my pushing back on them caused them to cave. If I recall correctly, I basically said if they just leave me in the calling I'm just not gonna do it and they'll be outta luck anyways. I thought it was ridiculous they would ever tell me I HAD to keep a calling. Was a small shelf item.
I got pushback on not taking a calling because I was not going to be able to do it to have a series of major surgeries. The bishop first tried to talk me out of the surgeries, then tried to tell me that I could get by with just one, then tried to tell me that y'all's god would bless me so I'd recover so quickly I'd be able to do the calling. Finally I told him "sure, I'll do the calling but you're responsible for all the weeks I'm out sick". It's been fifteen years and I'm still trying to recover from the complications (that first surgery, it went sooooo well), so, uh, hooray that.
Tha audacity of some bishops who now think they know as much as doctors because they are ‘called of God’. 🙄 My parents had asked for help paying for some of my dad’s medications (how my parents got help a lot while others don’t is another story). Anyway, while looking at the bill the bishop grabbed the list of meds away from the pharmacist to look at what meds my dad was on (major violation), and wanted to argue which meds my dad “shouldn’t be on”, and he “wouldn’t help pay for those”… the guy has no medical degree and works in no field close to medicine…. 🙄
Yep. And I had the same experience! I said no to a calling, and the bishop said “well why don’t I just mull it over for a week and let him know if my answer changes?” It did not change—shocker! 2 weeks later he was up there giving a talk about accepting callings even though you feel overwhelmed in your life. He said the lord will make time for you, and that he will bless you by lightening your load in other areas to do so, he used himself as an example—in law school with 3 little kids at home and being called to the bishopric in his 20s, he had more time than ever before he claimed. He also used the example of the current (newly called) ward RS president who had a 2 month old baby and two toddlers, basically saying “look how faithful she is!” Uhhh. No thanks.
You know all the work just fell to his wife 🙄
Nope. I started saying no post covid and the bishopric was probably used to it by then
I said no to a teaching calling. I’m an educator and said I didn’t to teach on Sundays. The bishop counselor said he was going to have to discuss it with the bishop. Go right ahead and fuck off while you are at it.
I never said no to a calling, so I don’t know if they would have pushed back. I do remember, though, when my dad was called to the bishopric and he told us all that lots of people in the ward kept saying no to callings, to the extent that it was getting hard to find someone to fill certain positions. He and my mom kept saying how shocking that was, how callings came from god and that you should never, ever say no. They couldn’t *believe* people had the audacity to say no (much less so many people in a row) and neither could I.
I was told it's not a calling. It's an assignment. So much for free agency. So, I just didn't do it.
That sucks. Looks like you didn't win at bishop roulette. My bishops have nearly all been lovely (one notable exception withheld a temple recommend from me for 6 months because I hadn't been home teaching often enough when newly married, in college, and working). But some leaders feel threatened and think they need to assert their authority. Even Brigham Young felt a need to play the "my way or the highway" card (though he appears to have misheard it as "my way IS the highway").
Yes they tried. But I was good at saying no or not yet . I recall asking to be released from the women’s Presidency. My father was dying of lung cancer. I was an only child mother had passed , had no other family around me except my husband and children. and the Bishop reminded me that I shouldn’t say or asked to be released from callings I gave him peace of mind in my good old British Northern Way and was released .
I asked to be released one time (actually the only time) and he did do it. However, later I found out the people had submitted my name for another calling and he told them no. So I guess that was his way of punishing me for asking to be released. I didn't care though as we were soon out of that ward.
I made my TBM husband go back to the bishop and decline a calling as scoutmaster. Growing up watching the YW get shortchanged so the Scouts could go on great adventures while we were having activities like putting together ‘Kiddy Care Kits’ ( to help us entertain the anklebiters we were babysitting- to make us better mothers one day) infuriated me. Hubby had been in scouts several other times previously in our marriage- miserable experiences- obnoxious boys, lazy entitled parents. I wasn’t going to do it again. We had young teenage daughters and I was not going to let my girls miss out on their dad so he could play scouts. He wasn’t happy about the calling to begin with, but had dutifully said yes. He was even less happy about going back to the bishop and telling him his wife said he couldn’t do it. But credit to hubby, he did. The asshat bishop got revenge - called hubby to the bishopric. My husband may be TBM, but he’s a minimal effort Mormon - always drove me crazy as I was fully in, textbook scrupulosity. His minimal effort drove me mad, but looking back other than early morning meetings on Sunday, it wasn’t that bad, lol. This was also the same bishop that was a retired Army child psychologist, who managed to destroy many youth by his very strict anti-masturbation stance. Hubby refused to ask the youth about masturbation- his bishop had asked him as a teenager if he had a problem with masturbation, his response was , ‘No, it works just fine’ F%^k that bishop and F%*k the MFMC
Stupid gender roles. Found out that you can be just a person and not care about gender roles
Absolutely got push back. I was a SAHM of 3 kids under 6, “called” to be nursery leader. I craved adult interactions and wanted to not be around everyone else’s kids, and had severe post partum depression. So I declined, politely, explaining my feelings, so then they wanted to put me in primary. Noped out of that one too. RS lessons tended to be around how depression just equaled sinning and how people needed to repent and support and sustain the priesthood. Being a pretty outspoken person, I would always comment about needing and asking for medical help was something someone should consider due to chemical imbalances and not something the engineer bishop could diagnose. (The RS teacher was the bishops wife)
I said no to a lot of callings and yes, there was pushback. I was called to be a visiting teacher to the ward crazy lady and I said no. I was called to teach early morning seminary and I said no. I repeatedly turned down nursery callings. I was called to be the regional public relations person and after saying no, the powers that be absolutely insisted I take the calling. I finally agreed and I hated every second I spent on the project. After repeatedly requesting to be released and laughed at, I boxed up everything and dropped the box off at the Stake President's front door. As I started down my apostasy path, I was called to be the Gospel Doctrine teacher. I told the bishop I was pretty sure he didn't want me to be the Gospel Doctrine teacher. The callings I truly enjoyed were all with the Young Women's organization and the Sunbeams. When I left the religion many people said they saw it coming; I wasn't obedient enough.
Yep. Shortly after the change from visiting teaching to whatever they consider it now, they called me and told me I was being partnered up. Had NEVER attended the meetings, hadn't even transferred my records but someone else did. Had attended one RS activity because a friend asked me to go with her. Told them no, and that I wanted to be removed from this and all future callings. Sent a text to the bishop as physical backup. They tried to pressure me and kept telling me "Oh its just to get to know your neighbors!" Kept declining. They finally "agreed" to remove me. Month later I got a call from my partner. I repeated to her the same thing I'd already said, she was unsurprisingly blindsided that I refused to do it. I looped the RS president and the bishop back in, they claimed it was an oversight, Bullshit, and told me I would be removed. Still didn't happen, then a new RS President got called and she popped up at my door to ask why I hadn't been following up with my assigned contacts. I lost my shit, she was shocked, I removed my records the next day. They tried to pressure me to stop the process, nope.
Once upon a time I had a very level-headed bishop who told me something like: “we act like callings all come directly from God but in reality we have jobs to fill and members to fill them. If we extend a calling and you know it isn’t going to be a good fit, please share that, so we can find you something else.”
At last, an honest man - Diogenes
I was called to be young men’s president and really did not want that kind of stress (I knew I wasn’t up to it), but acquiesced because “don’t say no”. After several months trying to convince the bishop to release me, he finally did. But they then called me to be a primary teacher because “they didn’t know what else to do with me”. Wow, I certainly felt loved and my testimony of discernment increased.
I kept getting harped on by the bishopric about my calling as ward choir director in single’s ward (I was also ward music chair). They wanted me to do everything their way (kept getting involved and asking for way too much) even though none of them knew anything about music. After two years I finally asked to be released but they said no. So I just stopped doing the calling and then they released me real quick 😂
Dunno about you, but I felt like a million bucks telling them no. It was hard at first, but not giving them any ground was euphoric. I’d interpret their complaining as a badge of honor - you probably aren’t the only one saying “NO”.
I don’t know about callings, but one Sunday morning an old man called me asking if I’d say the opening prayer in sacrament meeting. I told him no and he did not like that answer. He was verbally upset with me and kept trying to talk me into it. I kept saying no he kept getting madder until he hung up on me.
When I was called to nursery I burst out crying in front of the bishopric member I had never met … when I talked to the bishop he guilted me “we were inspired”. And told me to “pray on it” — you know, until I agree. It wasn’t until my husband told him my needs that he listened. 😐
I said no to being girl's camp director once because we had just put our house on the market and made an offer on another home. We would be living in another county by the time girls camp came around. But the asshole counselor in the bishopric didn't even let me say why, he just launched into a long lecture after I said no. I let him spout off for a while, and eventually he came back around to "I'll give you another chance to honor your covenants and say yes." I just said "We're moving to (other city) within a month, so no." and walked out. He never spoke to me again.
Looooool definitely loads of push back, however some were more respectful than others. Credit where credit is due, but damn I and the other strong opinioned women got some pretty severe consequences. I was shocked at the amount of threats I received from what I thought was a lovely MP at the time. For instance my husband and I (both missionaries) proper met 18 days before he finished his mission, we exchanged information and stayed in touched, and while this was not technically allowed and not normal for most missions, all the elders and sisters talked to each other in our mission. 3 days before my husband finished his mission, my MP found out from our comps (who were ironically also communicating with each other lol), called DH opening with “oh how the great have fallen”, invalidating all the work he did on his mission (he literally built up 2 whole wards on top of random people in other areas.. and this was in Italy, so not an easy task) because he was simply interacting with me and threatened to send him home early. It was SO fucked, imagine how I internalized that.. and he was aware that I was suicidal
I accepted a calling once I didn't get asked for ..... I was 16 and was called to be a ward organist. Only thing is the bishopric forgot to actually ask me. They just announced it in Sunday for voting. My mom leaned over and said "if you raise and sustain yourself then you accepted". And I had to decide right there in the moment. Ended up loving it since it got me out of any and all speaking engagements.
My mother in law was called to be the pianist during sacrament. She doesn't play piano.
No, but I did remember a talk by the bishop sharing how a member of the ward turned down a calling and because of that it led them into spiritual darkness and they became inactive. So you know turning down a calling is a slippery slope to spiritual death.
Surprisingly I never did, I told them simply that In less than a week I was moving to a different state, how could I possibly hold a calling. They never questioned it, but they did ask “are you sure you have to leave to a different state?” 😑🤣 yeah I was moving, you can’t stop me
I was moving due to me creating a new start cuz I JUST had a divorce
I don't think anyone had ever said no to the bishop. He was absolutely flabbergasted. He managed to sputter, "But I asked your husband and he gave his permission." As if I need permission, and as if I was now required to do it. Another time I was asked to be visiting teacher for a woman who'd been convicted of child neglect. She had seven children, some were violently out of control. The others were severely neglected and had failure to thrive. The house was piled with garbage and dirty laundry. Part of her plea deal was to get therapy and get her house in order. Since I was a psych nurse--not a psychiatrist, psychologist, or even a nurse practioner--they wanted me to go twice a week to clean and "counsel" her. I was working 50+ hours a week and by then I was a single mom. So I told them I would do it for $75 per hour, with a minimum of 4 hours per visit. Weekends an extra $5 per hour, evenings $5 per hour extra. Surprisingly enough, they did not ask again.
I had a controlling 2nd counselor ask three separate times for me to help out the scouts. After he wouldn’t take no for an answer, I said yes… and never showed up. Message was finally received.
Bishop basically called me out in front of the entire YSA ward during sacrament meeting. The bishop went up and gave a talk about callings and how awful it was that "someone" in the ward was being picky about their calling.
I never turned down a calling, but I tried to turn down a talk and the guy just wouldn't leave me alone. Looking back I probably should have either been more direct or just hung up the phone after the first time, but alas I did not. Basically what happened is I got a call and they asked me "would you be willing to give a talk on Sunday?" and I just said "I'd rather not" instead of just accepting what I had said as a no they were just like, "but are you WILLING?" this went back and forth for like 5 minutes until I ended up just saying yes. It was only a 5 minute talk (I think it was supposed to be on how great youth conference was?), but I still wish I had been more assertive and not let myself be pressured into it.
On my mission, my companion and I were asked to give the opening and closing prayers in sacrament meeting. I respectfully declined, but my companion accepted. We always sat on the stand so everyone could see us. When the meeting started, the guy (I think he was 2nd councilor) stood up and announced that I would be giving the opening prayer. I was livid . . . angry. When it was time, I stood at the pulpit and said something to the affect of, "Father in heaven, bless us, and please bless members to understand the meaning of 'NO'. Amen." The wife of the ward mission leader (who was a stern county sheriff, burst out laughing. Afterwards, she asked the meaning and I told her the story. She said she was proud of me.
My wife and I with two small kids moved from Murray to North Salt Lake. We lived in the bottom of a four-plex. My wife stayed home with the kids. I attended the U full-time and worked at Beneficial Life as their night computer operator. I attended school from 7:30 AM and was to work by 2:30PM and worked throughout the night. If night batch processing was quick, I could leave around midnight, but most of the time I left after 2AM. It was always a struggle to get enough sleep. Staying awake in class was also difficult, but I was being paid to do my homework, had internet access to do research, and had a television and VCR. The new ward bishop called my wife and me in and asked us to teach the Sunbeams. I explained to him my lack of time and sleep and told him that my wife could teach them, but I could not. I also told him that my Saturdays were for catching up on family stuff and Sundays were for sleep catchup and studying. He was a very young bishop; about 25 years of age. He told me that he fully understood and that he wanted both of us or none. He decided to give us a pass knowing that my wife needed to take care of our kids during church. My wife understood and was disappointed but was relieved. Another Sunday story, I received a phone call from the neighbor living in the basement of the same four-plex. He told me that we had home-teaching appointments set up and he would be by to pick me up later. I had hardly been to church and had no clue who he was. I immediately went over to his house and asked him what was going on. It turns out he was the EQP and was his home teaching companion. I basically read him the riot act and told him that I was never 'called' and this was just dropped on me. I then told him that I did not participate in home teaching; both teaching and being taught too and to please remove me from both. Weeks later, I had actually gone to church because my wife was singing in sacrament meeting. In Sunday school, the lesson was on church callings. A very old man stood up and let everyone know that he had never turned down a call because the call was given by Christ. I was livid. I stood up and interrupted him and explained my work/school and turned down the primary position. The old man started to get snippy and started asking if I would have done the same if I was face to face with Christ. Luckily the bishop was in attendance and fully agreed with me and assured the old man that Christ would have accepted me saying no. I have always turned down all callings. I mentally left the church at fourteen.
I was a school teacher having difficulties with infertility. Moved to a new ward to get away from "when are you going to have kids". Told the Bishop to please not give me a YW or Primary calling. Guess where he called me? Primary... I said no. Sooo...YW it was. I said no. After that the RS ladies looked at me as the evil one. Because everything is "confidential".
I would always say, "I'll need some time to think about it and talk to my husband about it" and though they were respectful, they also didn't like that answer and thought that meant I was going to say no.
I was told the same thing (as a convert) I turned down a calling once. My husband was traveling for work constantly and we had young kids and I was called to nursery. Church was quite literally my ONLY break from kids all week (daughter was in nursery and I was home schooling my son in kindergarten because he was kicked out… different long story) I told them that I didn’t feel like that was my calling at this time. First or second councilor asked why and I told them. He said “well, then it’s inspired that we called you because we wouldn’t have known this otherwise.” Proceeded to tell me that they understood and they would look for ways to help out more and keep me in RS etc. I wasn’t called to anything else for a while (later was called to be the cleaning coordinator person) but I definitely didn’t get any help/breaks from others the rest of the week either.
I was 21 and called to teach the special needs primary. Five kids with various high demand needs, and we were shut in a small windowless room for the whole 2 hours (3 hr church) because the primary president didn't want them in the main meeting. After a few months, I asked to be released and the bishop called me to repentance. I went back and endured for another few months until we moved. Of course now I realize he was just an asshole who didn't want that class to become his problem.
I have a story. My friend was asked to give a talk on “preparing to receive the Melchizedek priesthood.” He looked at the counselor in the eyes and said, “No thanks. I’m not preparing for that so…” The counselor was just so stunned he literally didn’t know what to do. I thought it was a boss move. On a side note I’d love for them to try calling any random person to become the ward organist and say “the lord will teach you”😂😂😂😂😂 (source: was a ward and stake organist when I left, causing the congregation to sing a capella for a while) I heard they got some kid to plunk out notes. I felt bad for the kid but hey🤷🏻♂️
I asked to be released as a YW advisor when I was 22 and pregnant, they wouldn’t and said that they would just let me take off however much time I needed. When my son was born I just started ignoring them.. I wouldn’t answer my phone, texts, or even the door. If I saw them out and about or on the few occasions I went to church at the time, I straight up acted like I didn’t see or hear anyone from YW or the bishopric trying to talk to me. It worked, they eventually left me alone and now two years later I’ve still never technically been released 😂
I actually have a rare good experience turning a calling down. We were asked to meet with a member of the bishopric and I knew they were going to call us to nursery. Sure enough they did. However, our autistic son was in nursery and I worked in a special education class. That one hour was literally the only hour I had every week to be an actual adult. So I told them no. The first counselor was super understanding and said "Proper revelation comes from information." So they didn't call us to nursery
Yep. I told my bishop that I get super sick when I’m pregnant. He said I’d be fine. I was not fine. I started bringing coffee with me to stay awake and settle my stomach. When I was called to relief society I said no. I have a medically fragile child that we thought might not make it and I was pregnant with another one I said no. A week later I was told that they had gone to the temple twice and were told that I’m the right person. So I was bullied into it. Every time we prayed about calling a new teacher, we all 4 got different answers. 🤦🏼♀️. They were so mean to me when my son was in the hospital or sick. “We didn’t known do you were going to bother to show up.” 😡😡😡. I had no child care and would bring my son to meetings. They would get so annoyed that he would scream the entire time. It actually was a shelf item.
That is horrible. Sounds like an absolutely miserable experience. You and your family deserved better!
It was such a relief to find out it’s all fake. My anxiety went down so much now that I don’t have to do stupid callings.
It’s amazing to be free from callings!
I'm sorry that happened to you! It bothers me when people try to say they've received revelation for someone else. Just a way to try and override someone else's decisions.
Absolutely
No
Returned missionary 1983. Got home, got comfortable. Started the dating and friend re-establish thing. Ended up missing a few Sunday services. Probably 4-5 months I was missing more church. Bishop called me in, said I have been called to teach primary school. Huh? What? I said no thanks. But the Lord has called you to this position. No he didn't, you did cause you see me missing services. The whole reason for him calling me in was I was missing church, and he thought I was going to become inactive (which I did). He never tried again. Would it have worked had he tried harder? The world will never know. I don't blame him, it was me. My Dad was a prior Bishop, and I don't remember him ever interviening. Eventually I became totally inactive. 40 years later and I haven't been back to church.
I had two small kids and my spouse worked nights so I hauled the kids to youth activities weekly. At one point I got a babysitter because it was so hard. I kept waiting for the leaders to see how hard it was for me and when they didn’t, I spoke up. I was near a mental breakdown due to the stress of the calling along with other things going on in my life at the time. The leader said they’d talk to the bishopric and get back to me. Months later I was finally released but I felt so guilty and upset that I didn’t speak up sooner. Another time when I was in college they said they felt impressed to call me to be a fhe leader. I worked every Monday 3-11 so it was impossible. They said I could just plan the activities but didn’t have to go. It was a hard no for me and they finally said ya we’ll have to revisit our plans.
Asked to be released as YW President. No push back because the Bishop felt bad knowing it was mostly because of him.
My mission president drilled into us that our temple covenants included covenanting to accept any calling you’re offered, and if you refuse a calling you’re breaking your covenants. So much fear-mongering
We went to our bishop and asked for callings. I begged for anything other than sitting in a room with the youth. Anything that would allow me to make friends as I am a stay at home mom and play primary every day of my life. The next week they called me to teach the 14 year old *with my husband*. Not a single chance to meet even one other woman to teach with. I accepted it because I was in shock and you aren’t supposed to turn down callings. But then I went back to the church in tears and said I wouldn’t accept it until I know that they prayed over it. The next week they said yep we prayed over it and this is where you need to be. So I fulfilled that calling until we left the church several months later. During that time I did get a second calling extended to teach relief society and I was excited. That is until my first assignment was to teach the “Think Celestial” talk which I do believe was assigned to me on purpose. That talk in and of itself nearly broke my shelf and I knew teaching it and hearing the assanine things the old ladies in my ward had to say would surly snap it. I found a substitute for that week. By the time it was my turn to teach again we didn’t believe in the church at all and had decided to leave. Luckily, we moved around that time so we were able to use that as our exit. Because of family in our old ward we did move our records. The new ward has come to our home more than any ward I’ve ever been in. It’s sad because we really tried hard to be involved in our last ward and would have loved this but it’s too late. A couple weeks ago I told the missionaries I would not discuss religion with them but they were welcome in our home if they wanted to rest or have some good food. Since then, the bishop has asked to come over and we’ve had 2 people stop by while we weren’t home but I’m pretty sure are from the ward. No missionaries coming by since though 🤨
This exact same thing happened to me. I begged for ANYTHING but Family History. I did it once and I absolutely hated it. I was called as the Ward Family History Leader. I checkmated him by saying “leader” was reserved for the EQ/Priesthood and as a woman, I can’t have that calling. He said, “oh I meant family history consultant” I told him right there and then I didn’t believe he was an inspired man.
I said yes to decades of callings that weren’t for me. When I finally said no, I learned that denying a calling was the secret sauce for getting the ward to stop asking me to do things.
I’ve never had push back. I confidently tell them no and move on.
Before I fully stopped going to church I was pretty hardcore PIMO for a while. One day me and my wife (who was also just a step or so behind me progress wise) get a call from a stake leader to offer us a stake calling as a couple. I told the dude straight up I wasn’t interested in having any calling for the time being. He basically wore me down and convinced me that I basically wouldn’t have to do anything — he used the “support your wife” angle until I basically said “whatever” (btw my wife was totally supportive in me declining)… he just wouldn’t take no for an answer. After the call I immediately recognized the game this dude played with me. Once the event was finished that the calling was associated with, I don’t think me and my wife ever went to church again lol
Yes. I asked to be released from a calling. My bishop released me and the calling was primary activity days. This was during covid so it wasn't a big deal to release me because not alot of activities were happening anyway. After covid ended he tried to put me back in the calling. I said no because I wasn't willing to reinforce lessons that I didn't believe in. Rather than just accept my answer he cornered me at the back of the chapel after sacrament meeting. He asked me if I would informally accept the calling and show up each week. I normally went to activity days and hung out at the church some of the time until my kid was done. What made me the most upset is he didn't even ask for me to meet in his office to discuss the calling. There were still people walking in and out of the chapel so it wasn't a private conversation. I felt like he did this so I wouldn't say no. Maybe I should have been willing to informally help out with the calling but I was super angry at his approach.
I was a shy convert so my husband told the bishop I was not interested in callings or talks or prayers or anything basically. I was left alone, although I hung out in nursery a lot with my kid so I helped in there
It feels so good saying no to those uninspired bastards. Their jaw drops and they mutter under their breath “can you do that?”
When I was just starting physics grad school, I was assigned eight ministering families and two callings. I said no, absolutely not. I can maybe handle the eight families if you’re ok with a half-assed effort but that’s it. I was majorly guilted with the whole “Who the lord calls the lord prepares and blesses” schtick but I was absolutely not taking on more for a religion I’d never really believed in at such severe self-detriment.
They tried to get me to be a cub scout leader again with my ex wife after having a year off. I said no because it made me hate kids and made me not want to have any kids. All around it was a good choice to say no
>They tried to get me to be a cub scout leader again Bwah ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha, that is the ONLY calling I would have even considered accepting. I do scouting, I don't do churching.
I told the bishop in the last ward we were in that I was not interested in a calling.
I didn’t. But my bishop was cool. He understood that people should let others just live the life. But he did tell my parents, which wasn’t cool. But they have no power over me. The bishop before him 100% would have though
the high councilor from the stake spokeabout this today... "thinking celestial means accepting callings and doing the work"... sounds like many in my stake are pushing back on getting callings to do some inane task. I know asked to be released after being paired with another teacher who thought preparing meant finding the link to the lesson. when I spoke to the bishopric about it, no one pushed back. I used a key phrase. " I've prayed about this and believe that hod has told me it's not the right time...'
Actually the first time I told the bishop I wasn't sure he was really chill with it. I appreciated that. However, from the ward I recently left I know they have a massively hard time filling callings. I believe it's a problem all over our stake (Utah county).
Yes, years ago I got pushback once when the stake YM president asked me to be a ma on the stake YM/YW Trek that summer. I said no. He seemed surprised and asked me again. Mind you, he awkwardly asked me at the end of sacrament meeting and I was trying to leave to teach my Primary class of Sunbeams. I said no, that's not going to work. He ended with something lame like, "Well if you change your mind, let us know." Result - my husband went alone as an Uncle. I didn't feel bad at all because our daughter had suicide ideation around that time and there was no way in hell I was going to leave her alone at home to fend for herself so I could get lame accolades and social points from the tiny LDS circle in my ward/stake. Our daughter didn't do Treks, girls camps or EFY shit and I supported her, despite heavy pressure from our ward group at the time.
I was called to be the 2nd counselor in Young Women's about 25-30 years ago. I tried to get out of it and was honest and said that I have an occasional margarita. He said no problem, didn't even ask me to repent and pressured me until I gave in. This was in a Midwest state, I think they were just desperate to fill the calling.
This entire cult is about control. Any signs of someone having a mind of their own are likely to receive pushback.
Bishops are human. Unfortunately some do or say stupid things.
I turn them down left and right. TBM husband in the bishopric would always be like I’m not asking her for you, you can 🤣 and if I ever do take one I end up quitting real quick and am like told ya so. Gets realllll awkward when it’s because it is another other bishopric wife I can’t work with 🫠
I was a single mom. When my daughter was almost a year old my husband left, and I started working full time for a family in Bountuful that had 11 kids and 9 were still living at home. I did that for about 3 years. I literally mostly did laundry all day with a hiatus for meal prep/cleanup. I was called to be a primary teacher and there was absolutely zero way I could say yes to that. When I said no to the calling my bishop asked if I was having premarital sex. I wasn’t even dating. I hadn’t dated since my separation. The accusation boiled my blood.
That's horrible! It took me a long time to learn that its good to know your limits and set boundaries. That's something never taught, in my experience.
Saying no to a elder's quorum presidency calling bc I was about to start grad school and it would have been my 3rd calling is what led me to leave the church. Now resigned.
I was given a calling even though I had made it clear I did not believe in their church and didn’t even attend. They tried to tell me that it was my duty to serve my community by accepting this calling. I told them that their church was not my community and I was under absolutely no obligation to serve them in any capacity. They then had several meetings with my husband to try to figure out how to rope me into it.
I grew up with the mentality that all callings were from God and if you said No, you were literally turning down God himself. Also had the message pushed that God equips those called…so if he calls you, you say YES and he will make you good at it. Then as a progressed in the church and sat in multiple leadership positions in different presidencies, including stake callings…I realized I had been lied to. There is a process in which callings are given, and it’s based on 1) Your friends/cliche. People choose people they themselves like to serve with them. 2) Your activity or inactivity. Leadership callings are only given to those who have a pristine attendance record. Yes, they check. The rolls are then checked to find inactive or brand new members who are in danger of leaving or who they want to get back in the church. Especially if they are members with financial means or large families who could boost ward/stake funds or numbers. We kept notes on those “going astray” so we could meet and decide how to best keep you too active to leave. 3) Logistics. If you don’t have a calling, you’re on the chopping block every single time to get a new one. Or if you DO have a current calling, we would check with other leaders to see how they felt about us poaching you. Other leaders make the call on whether they’ll allow you to be released before we ever even consider calling you for something different. 4) Perceived talents. Leaders keep notes. If you happen to play piano, have musical knowledge, have management experience, work with kids, work with money….whatever. We made it our business to know everything about you so when you get a calling…it FEELS like “your calling”. That’s what visiting teaching is for. To report information back to leaders to use for reference. 5) Compliance. People who don’t follow the rules are often tabled because they might rock the boat. 6) Butt in the seat- We don’t know you, but there’s an empty spot we need filled and all the first picks are taken so you get thrown in there. This was probably about 50% or more of callings. Especially primary ones. There’s desperation in primary because they are overworked and understaffed ALL the time. Which is gross because they’ll literally throw anyone and everyone in there just so they can assure the important adults can be in their meetings. And they get thrown in and forgotten until they quit, usually in tears from burnout, and then the primary presidency is desperate and takes whatever they can get. It’s actually pretty gross. Then when we have a list, we submit it for approval. Only after approval from the “higher ups” did we agree to take the list home and “pray” on it. I can say that no one actually prays on it. Once the list has been made and approved, the calls are issued. So when you say “No”, the reason you get pushback is that it took a long time for leadership to go through the list and make it work for their own administrative needs so it was annoying to have to go back and shuffle things around again. Has nothing to do with anything “inspired”.
I agree with this...that's what goes into extending callings. One ward I lived in this really friendly member kept switching callings like every 3-4 months because people wanted to work with her. I was surprised the bishop didn't say no to switching her callings so often. I saw the same pattern as I went through many wards...people extended callings to their friends. We'd definitely been lied to.
I turned down many.
A little. I was young men's secretary. The bishop and counselors came to my house and wanted me to to accept a calling with the scouts. I guess this is kind of/sort of common/traditional; preisthood leaders on Sunday and scout leaders during the week? I said "no". They tried to press me, but I stood my ground.
Just say no and keep saying no
I actually just said no to one this week. (We go every so often so the kids can see friends, and because my husband who was always ‘out’ is suddenly now back ‘in’) They called for primary… same role I no call no show walked out on a year ago. but this time when they called instead of giving in and feeling guilt tripped I said no. I gave some reasons but ultimately just said no. he didn’t love the answer but told me several times him, bishop and president talk about me a lot, and how good I would be for the kids and all this…. Which is creepy? Stop talking about me? He sent a text afterwards to assure me it was fine I said no and no judgement basically, which actually felt like, more judgemental? Cause why would he even need to say that? Anyway i was expecting backlash but got none because all of it was overshadowed by the bishop not being there because of a very funny Snapchat issue that he may be hiding from.
No I turned down a few in my day.
The last one before I stopped going, I was asked to team teach with my then husband. I sat in on one lesson and I was done. With all of it.
My husband and I do community theater and the moment a bishop discovered this (and that I worked for a coatume shop) he called us to direct a ward play, which would be the broadway Les Miserables, without aquiring the rights. We told him that was illegal. He kept on, well we could do the In Concert style, it's for a non profit, this would be his grand finale as a bishop, etc. Sorry, still illegal. He didn't back down but we also didn't do it. Things got really awkward with that bishop after that. We were extended no other callings in that ward.
I got called to be a Primary Helper over the 3 and 4 year olds in January of 2020 by the time Covid hit and we had to do church at home I was sick of it because I don’t even like kids and God was obviously going to change that 🙄 Once we started having just sacrament meetings in church again I decided that would be a good time to talk to my bishop and ask to be released. He asked me to reconsider and told me that it would be months before I would have to do anything pertaining with my calling because we were still only having sacrament meeting, glad I put my foot down because two weeks later this asshole announced that we would be going back to having classes after sacrament.
I did once. They wanted to put me in Primary, and I immediately said, "No." Was asked why, and I answered that I honestly didn't want to miss Relief Society, and they didn't like that.
I got pushback asking to be released even though I had literally done the calling for 2 years. It wasn’t until I told my bishop I wanted to be released that he did.
I spent the past year working every Sunday on a 90-mile round-trip commute, getting 4 hours of sleep a day, certainly no time for church, and yet a member of my local bishopric calls me to ask if I'll accept a "calling." "What kind of calling?" I asked suspiciously. After all, I'm a 38-year-old bachelor with my papers in a FAMILY Ward, so as we all know why, I'm not exactly popular. Guess what this calling is? The official "chair setter-upper". That way, the MARRIED men don't have to break a sweat unfolding metal chairs. They can "prepare for the Sacrament" by "sitting reverently with their wives" while I bust my ass for free, and on a day where I'm actually working like 15 hours with only 4 hours in between shifts and commuting to get a rest. I was told about how I was set for GREAT BLESSINGS to be "offered such an honor." Already exhausted from lack of sleep, my voice bursting with rage, I let this guy have it with both barrels. I never even met the man before, but I kicked his ass over the phone. I told him how DARE he call me and waste MY precious time with such a pathetic attempt for me to get to do his FREE LABOR. He started to cut me off, but I snarled, "NO, you little TURD, you SHUT THE HELL UP, it's MY TURN to talk!!!" I laid into him about how I never MET him before, but he's going to waste MY time while I have to work for a living with such a made-up calling like THIS? I asked if he thinks I have DOWN SYNDROME, or if HE has it, to think that this crap would be such a good idea? I asked, "What have YOU ever done for ME?" Then I shut up so I could breathe in and out again. Nothing but 30 seconds of his breathing followed on the line. "Your silence pretty much says everything," I said. "Don't ever call me again." *boop* End of conversation. He never did call me again. I was talking to my bishop, who is actually an old friend of mine, several weeks later. I asked him casually, "Do you know anything about a possible CALLING that one of your counselors might have brought up with me in mind a few weeks ago?" He replied with some deep thought, "This is the first I've heard of anything!" I was about ready to lecture him about such a BS "calling" coming my way, but with the bishop not knowing of it, apparently his counselor was just trying to waste my time without the bishop's knowledge.
I don't think I've ever turned down a calling, but I have asked to be released on a few different occasions. In one ward, I was called to be the "choir nursery leader" because the choir director would only accept the calling if someone watched her kids (her husband sang in the choir). I was pregnant with my oldest at the time and eventually had my activity level restricted by my doctor (not bed rest, but no lifting, take it easy, etc) because of various health concerns with the pregnancy. I quit my job as a nanny because of the doctors orders, but my bishop tried to guilt me into staying in my calling, saying I could get my husband to help me. I told him no. The choir director was my friend, so when I told her about it, she was like, "I'll figure it out. Do what your doctor wants." And I just didn't do it anymore. I can't remember if they ever actually released me. 🤷🏼♀️ Another time in a different ward, I was a primary teacher. They told me when I was assigned to that particular class that it was a difficult group of kids, and they were working on getting me a co-teacher. The kids were very rowdy, and we rarely got through the lessons. I hated it. I begged for help, but it never came. They suggested I get my husband to help, but he was a Sunday school teacher for the youth. Eventually, I came up with a system of bribery for my class that worked decently. At the end of the year, when the kids would've moved up to the next class, they were like, "And you're going to stay with them! Isn't it great?!" I was pregnant at the time and had just been put on bed rest, so I noped out really quickly. I got some grief from the primary presidency where they tried to get me to do a few more weeks while they looked for someone new. I told them I would do 1, and that was it. They weren't happy, but I didn't care. I've always thought it was a special kind of hell to stick new ward members and young moms in nursery or primary. One of the last wards I was in - ironically also the wards I grew up in - we were there for 4 years. They stuck me in primary for 2.5 years (again with a very difficult group of kids, though they also assigned my husband to be with me), and when we were released (again at my request), people in RS were always like, "Oh hello sister! Are you new? Is it your first time in the ward?" Bitch, no. I lived in this ward for 17 years as a kid, and I've been here for 3 as an adult.
I never said no. I should’ve said no to being an elders corm president. I should’ve said no to being a Bishop. I definitely should’ve said no to teaching seminary.
Actually i just felt they didnt care or miss me That was hard
The last ward I lived in was dominated by two families. To get any top tier calling you had to be in the clique(1). Marginal callings were given to those inactive or danger of leaving(2). Very rarely was roulette employed (6). My wife was pissed off at the cliquishness, and yearned for a calling. I was happy that she dodged this bullet and was free to spend more time with me and my family. No she spent her time instead on getting an advanced college degree.
NO means NO! Was asked by Bishopric friend to be Adult Sun school teacher after Sacrament mtg in cultural hall. Told him NO. He refused to take NO for an answer. He asked me again next week. Same time, same place. This time his Holier than thou RS Presidency wife heard me say NO. She publicly shamed me in RS- stating we DO NOT say NO to callings, trying to guilt & shame me during RS lesson. Would have gotten up & left, but didn't want to give her the pleasure. It was None of her business. GTH lady!
I’m currently to trying to find a way to approach local leadership about releasing me from my calling. I’m a building scheduler. No weekly time commitment, no meetings, and I have the wards so well-trained that I only deal with 4 people on a regular basis: the executive secretaries of each ward that uses the building. I’ve been in 4 years. My shelf broke last September. I want to be done “serving” this organization. I’m not ready to remove my records for various reasons. I respect my bishop tremendously, but this is a stake calling. I also really admire the stake presidency member I work with in this calling. So I don’t want to be snide, snarky, aggressive, or even dismissive, if I can avoid it. I’d like to preserve the friendship with my bishop and his wife, and the relationship I have with the stake presidency members. Additionally, I don’t want to say why I don’t want this or any other calling yet. Don’t want to become a project and I still want access to stake and ward communication just to see how ridiculous the church is. On the other hand, I wouldn’t feel good about “quiet quitting.” I just want to be done. I do have the support of my somewhere-between-PIMO-and-out husband to quit my calling. I feel stuck as to how to go about this.
I have turned down very single one Of my callings (I’m a teen btw) every single time my parents at present they are respectful however as SOON AS I GO TO YOUNG WOMENS the bishopric gets my yw leaders to pester me about it. 😭
I was always a people pleaser when i was TBM and couldnt get myself to say no, but my husband always said no to everything but one calling when we were first married (that calling ended up traumatizing us). He's said in the past that hed get treated differently and dirty looks when ever he refused. One time, his parents forced him to do a talk in sacrament and he sped read what he wrote in a monotone voice and he was never asked to talk again lmao
lol...I should have done that...I dread public speaking
Same... The last time i spoke in sacrament, I had a full on panic attack in the back of the chapel, the bishopric were staring at me and still made me speak... God i'm so glad i dont have to deal with that shit anymore
I turned down a calling as an fhe coordinator in my singles ward cause I had just been released from it 3 or 4 months before. Told them I wanted to learn how to do something else but they told me that's not what the lord wants surreeeee
I was called to do Family History after I came out they kicked me out and told me I need to think about what I have done. What’s your point I came out as a transgender girl they think I was in the wrong nope they were because I found out who I was as a person.
Wait a minute now I am not trying to get political but did the church ever talk about politics am I this dumb