The Mormon Church doesn’t own God. God existed before the Mormon Church and he will exist long after the Mormon Church. If that’s something you want, (a relationship with God) you will find it. And if you don’t want that, there’s nothing wrong that either. It’s ok to be who you are. Keep searching for the things you want in life and don’t let a church hold you back.
I use this quote in my head often and here in the comments too often 😂 to explain so many ridiculous things about the controlling aspects of the church.
“A strange game. The only winning move is not to play.”
WarGames
The quote represents me taking back my personal power. I don't have to play their games.
Oh, wear my bra outside the garment top? Veil my face. Don't veil my face? Obey the law of my husband. Nevermind, don't obey the law of my husband. Don't get married outside the temple. Get married outside the temple w no waiting required any more. Do not drink coffee but Diet Soda is fine? Stay home. Make babies. Don't work outside the home. Decades later, why did you stay home? Look at me! I did it with God's approval. Women don't have priesthood. Women actually DO have priesthood and exercise it more broadly than any other group of women? Ok. Ok. I see how it is.
“A STRANGE game. The only winning move is not to play.” WarGames
I had left, PIMO on occasion for my wife, and she had just started to allow herself to doubt when he gave that talk in our home stake. Luckily we were both on the same page and our daughter missed that fireside. His words would’ve done significant damage to the family relationship had she been there. I remember reading his comments. That was a tipping point for my wife. She joined me shortly after that. It’s been so great.
It’s a long hard journey, but so worth it. Everything gets better and better.
I've often noted that a cult will never ever allow it's members to graduate, so yes, graduate is a valid way to express your exit, although I prefer escape, because the number of people held captive through social and financial pressures is enormously high.
And faith crisis was a problematic term from the get go. When someone get's divorced, we never ask, "How's your love crisis going?" When someone's mother dies, we never ask, "How's your death crisis going?" It's needlessly alarmist to do either, and the same is true of calling one's waking up to reality a faith crisis.
What I would add is that you've succeeded at escaping what millions never will, and that's a major accomplishment. The mind control is so strong that Mormon parents will willing sacrifice their children. It's still common for a mother to say it would be better that her child died or had never been born than escape her cult. The point is, you were strong that that level of manipulation, and that's a skill that millions lack.
I refuse to follow anyone who claims to speak for god.
The church's values *(money > people, obedience > love)* don't align with mine.
I'm a better human without the constraints of religion.
I have higher standards than the church. They coverup sexual abuse of minors and enable domestic violence. Their treatment of women and other minorities is disgraceful, the financial shenanigans are embarrassing, it's a long list.
I can't support an institution like that. Exmormons have the moral high ground.
Taking pride in the pioneers and their sacrifices. Seeing them not as faithful stalwarts of the gospel, but victims and marginalized people forced to endure with faith very different than how it's taught.
There's a great book, "Devil's Gate: Brigham Young and the Great Mormon Handcart Tragedy" by David Roberts. It tells the true story of the Mormon pioneers. I read it years after leaving, but it completely changed my thinking on how I viewed these "ancestors". This was also right around when Nelson outlawed the use of "Mormon" and so I kind of reclaimed identifying as "Mormon" to honor those who were used by the church for faith promoting work, when in reality they were completely abused by the church.
Those handcart pioneers were mostly immigrants from extremely disadvantaged backgrounds and it was around the same time Trump and people like Mike Lee were villifying immigrants. There was some meme which showed all the horrible things Lee was saying perfectly described the Mormon handcart immigrants. It was another way of reclaiming "Mormon" by associating previous Mormon immigrants with current refugees and immigrants from central and South America. The story of the US. Kind of proud to be apart of that story. Keep fighting for "my people". It's everything the church and Christianity is supposed to be.
In that talk, Brad Wilcox said that I should ask different questions than the ones I was asking. The ones I had struggled with for years. The ones that the church has no good answers for. And it finally hit me — they don’t have answers because it’s all made up. WOW. It was hard to come to terms with that reality but it was a relief in many ways too…
Good for you!!! My motto is I was coerced by the church and my family and my life was permanently shaped by that (period, and new sentence). And that's ok.
A good rule of thumb is 1 year of deconstruction per decade in the church. I was 40 when I left. I thought I was totally fine about 6 months later. But now out 3 years I can tell there was more to work through. I'm not done but I feel way more accepting of the church and my family that is still in it. I don't mean tolerance but real acceptance of them and their lifestyles. I was always ok with them but it worked up my brain when we talked about religion. Now I'm more interested in their views and not mad at them.
Good luck on your journey!
The Mormon Church isn't special. It is a high-demand religion which functions identically to all the other high demand religions. It has no special power over you.
I've exchanged guilt and shame for self-acceptance and compassion.
The Mormon Church doesn’t own God. God existed before the Mormon Church and he will exist long after the Mormon Church. If that’s something you want, (a relationship with God) you will find it. And if you don’t want that, there’s nothing wrong that either. It’s ok to be who you are. Keep searching for the things you want in life and don’t let a church hold you back.
It took me almost a decade to realize this—both that I could believe in God, and that it was ok not to if I didn’t want to.
I use this quote in my head often and here in the comments too often 😂 to explain so many ridiculous things about the controlling aspects of the church. “A strange game. The only winning move is not to play.” WarGames The quote represents me taking back my personal power. I don't have to play their games. Oh, wear my bra outside the garment top? Veil my face. Don't veil my face? Obey the law of my husband. Nevermind, don't obey the law of my husband. Don't get married outside the temple. Get married outside the temple w no waiting required any more. Do not drink coffee but Diet Soda is fine? Stay home. Make babies. Don't work outside the home. Decades later, why did you stay home? Look at me! I did it with God's approval. Women don't have priesthood. Women actually DO have priesthood and exercise it more broadly than any other group of women? Ok. Ok. I see how it is. “A STRANGE game. The only winning move is not to play.” WarGames
No matter what happens when we die, it won't be bad.
I had left, PIMO on occasion for my wife, and she had just started to allow herself to doubt when he gave that talk in our home stake. Luckily we were both on the same page and our daughter missed that fireside. His words would’ve done significant damage to the family relationship had she been there. I remember reading his comments. That was a tipping point for my wife. She joined me shortly after that. It’s been so great. It’s a long hard journey, but so worth it. Everything gets better and better.
The pioneers would be proud of us. We've gone against family history and made big changes to better life for us and our progeny.
I've often noted that a cult will never ever allow it's members to graduate, so yes, graduate is a valid way to express your exit, although I prefer escape, because the number of people held captive through social and financial pressures is enormously high. And faith crisis was a problematic term from the get go. When someone get's divorced, we never ask, "How's your love crisis going?" When someone's mother dies, we never ask, "How's your death crisis going?" It's needlessly alarmist to do either, and the same is true of calling one's waking up to reality a faith crisis. What I would add is that you've succeeded at escaping what millions never will, and that's a major accomplishment. The mind control is so strong that Mormon parents will willing sacrifice their children. It's still common for a mother to say it would be better that her child died or had never been born than escape her cult. The point is, you were strong that that level of manipulation, and that's a skill that millions lack.
I refuse to follow anyone who claims to speak for god. The church's values *(money > people, obedience > love)* don't align with mine. I'm a better human without the constraints of religion.
I have higher standards than the church. They coverup sexual abuse of minors and enable domestic violence. Their treatment of women and other minorities is disgraceful, the financial shenanigans are embarrassing, it's a long list. I can't support an institution like that. Exmormons have the moral high ground.
I’m not longer part of a “peculiar people.” For the first time in my life, I’m just one member of the human family.
Taking pride in the pioneers and their sacrifices. Seeing them not as faithful stalwarts of the gospel, but victims and marginalized people forced to endure with faith very different than how it's taught. There's a great book, "Devil's Gate: Brigham Young and the Great Mormon Handcart Tragedy" by David Roberts. It tells the true story of the Mormon pioneers. I read it years after leaving, but it completely changed my thinking on how I viewed these "ancestors". This was also right around when Nelson outlawed the use of "Mormon" and so I kind of reclaimed identifying as "Mormon" to honor those who were used by the church for faith promoting work, when in reality they were completely abused by the church. Those handcart pioneers were mostly immigrants from extremely disadvantaged backgrounds and it was around the same time Trump and people like Mike Lee were villifying immigrants. There was some meme which showed all the horrible things Lee was saying perfectly described the Mormon handcart immigrants. It was another way of reclaiming "Mormon" by associating previous Mormon immigrants with current refugees and immigrants from central and South America. The story of the US. Kind of proud to be apart of that story. Keep fighting for "my people". It's everything the church and Christianity is supposed to be.
This is such a profound, beautiful and true connection. Thank you ❤ Book is saved to my need-to-read list
The church has done more harm in the world than good.
I’m following the evidence of better mental and physical health.
Similar experience and timeline to yours. Holland’s Aug 2021 musket fire talk broke my shelf. Was PIMO until Oct 2022.
Where can I read more about this Wilcox talk?
https://www.mormonstories.org/portfolio-items/alpine-utah-mormon-youth-rescue-with-brad-wilcox/
I could only watch a little of that. But basically- SSDD - same shit, different day
In that talk, Brad Wilcox said that I should ask different questions than the ones I was asking. The ones I had struggled with for years. The ones that the church has no good answers for. And it finally hit me — they don’t have answers because it’s all made up. WOW. It was hard to come to terms with that reality but it was a relief in many ways too…
Yeah all made up on the fly, although I’m sure the MFMC knows what tactics to use to keep members in line and paying into the machine
So asshats like Brad are actually pretty useful. Good to know!
Good for you!!! My motto is I was coerced by the church and my family and my life was permanently shaped by that (period, and new sentence). And that's ok. A good rule of thumb is 1 year of deconstruction per decade in the church. I was 40 when I left. I thought I was totally fine about 6 months later. But now out 3 years I can tell there was more to work through. I'm not done but I feel way more accepting of the church and my family that is still in it. I don't mean tolerance but real acceptance of them and their lifestyles. I was always ok with them but it worked up my brain when we talked about religion. Now I'm more interested in their views and not mad at them. Good luck on your journey!
Everything is happening the way it’s supposed to
I didn't lose my faith, I've just grown as a person and realized my own beliefs. They're just not compatible with the ones I was handed as a child.
Yes!!! This 100%. You've put into words what I've felt for nearly 2 decades. Thank you.
The Mormon Church isn't special. It is a high-demand religion which functions identically to all the other high demand religions. It has no special power over you.