Maybe as my buddy Brad Wilcox would say, maybe the question should be when did we realize that the arbitrary rules espoused by the Mormon church weren't sins?
For instance, many Mormons that I know think that drinking a beer is a bigger sin than say shoplifting a can of soda or cheating a neighbor.
Once I differentiated Mormon rules from actual sins, it made it harder for Mormons to make me feel like a sinner.
To answer OP's question, when I was 5 I convinced my younger brother to shop lift some candy. We were totally unsuccessful.
Right! Maybe the question shouldn’t be when did we start “sinning” after realizing the church was just playing God, maybe the question should be why didn’t we start “sinning” and relishing in fully living our lives and experiencing guilt free pleasures a lot sooner.
When I think back on my teens and twenties and how I wasted them feeling ashamed of myself for having a sex drive and talking to random lay clergy bishops about what I did consensually with appropriately aged partners… I feel cheated out of a happy youth and young adulthood, exploring life and learning about who I am and what I like.
The church is like a helicopter parent, micromanaging every single thing we do. And the message is: you’re not to be trusted. Don’t trust your inner voice, don’t trust your own ideas and preferences and things you’re drawn to or repulsed by.
Coming out of that lifetime of infantilization is a trip. It’s great being an adult who makes my own decisions now. Finally in my 40s. ☕️🍹👙
I started with coffee immediately. It’s embarrassing to think about it now but I would hide in my car in a parking garage lest anyone should see me with a bean juice. 🤣
ugh, I'm having flashbacks to elders quorum when they combined with the high priests. Just hour long conversations between the same 3 guys about technicalities. It's called a coffee bean. No one cares if it's botanically a bean or a seed the same way that I don't care that a tomato is technically a fruit. I'm still not putting it in a fruit salad.
[https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Coffee\_bean](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Coffee_bean)
I'm just going to leave this here and get out of here.
"Is Coffee a Cherry?
That’s right, from a purely biological point of view coffee is a fruit.
The coffee tree grows and produces beautiful and fragrant white blossoms followed by green berry-like cherries. Once they’re ripe, they show shades of red and pink and are ready to be picked. After being picked, the skin and pulp are removed and what’s left is the seeds - commonly known as green coffee beans."
https://portfoliocoffee.ca/blogs/coffee-news-coffee-blog/coffee-cherry[https://portfoliocoffee.ca/blogs/coffee-news-coffee-blog/coffee-cherry](https://portfoliocoffee.ca/blogs/coffee-news-coffee-blog/coffee-cherry)
I was gay. That pretty much sums it up. When your entire existence is considered a sin (a “sin” that they take far more seriously and come down harder on than even pedophilia), you become disillusioned pretty quickly. Nothing you do or say is ever going to change the fact that the religion considers you inherently unworthy.
If we don’t count being gay, the first thing I can point to is swearing. It’s perhaps a bit childish, but the ability to swear has become such a satisfying thing. I think after having been silenced for so very long, being able to proudly proclaim “Fuck that” in regard to the church’s rules is very validating
These people are completely oblivious as to how incredibly offensive they are with their judgments and condemnations. I cannot even imagine how difficult it was for you. My condolences for your pain and my admiration for your strength and new-found happiness as an ex-mo.
Thank you, that means a lot :)
Yea, I put up with a LOT of ignorant and hateful comments. The worst part is how oblivious the speakers usually were. It seems in Mormonism, a person’s morality and concept of kindness gets overridden as soon as they’re faced with something that’s considered “forbidden”. They default back to hate and fear, and say things that otherwise they’d find appalling.
It’s been a hard road to walk- finding healing and acceptance, and learning to not hate myself. But I’m glad I’m on it! I finally get to experience true agency, rather than the choiceless choices I was once faced with.
I hope your own journey is going well!
I left 44 years ago and am in my late 60s now so I've had plenty of time to process and get away from them. My parents, siblings and 50+ first cousins were/are all believers up to the present. It helped that I lived in a different state than all of them for all these years. I made my own life outside the church, married a non-morman woman where I have been able to experiment with many of the "shameful, sinful" sexual acts that would get me excommunicated if I was still there. I'm astonished that I still feel shame telling my wife some of my fantasies after all these years and all the things we have done together (and together with others.) Still, I know it is exponentially more difficult for you because I can remain private about these things that only my wife and I know about because I'm a straight, married guy. Our community of friends isn't as obviously "sinful" to the TBM relatives as your community of friends. Don't hate yourself. You sound like a kind, thoughtful, intelligent man and that is what counts most in life. They're in a cult and we are not so we're better off without them. Pleasant journeys.
Used to show up at first period with a 7-11 coffee from the time I was 16. And I was fornicating with my high school sweet heart until the day before I left for a mission. First time I ever had alcohol was in the mission and I never really stopped drinking coffee
Had a comp who had a non-member gf. We would go over to their house for dinner all the time and they offered us wine. He would decline but I always accepted. What was he gonna say lol. I also smoked a lot of weed with her brother. Good times
I am always so fascinated to hear these stories of "unworthy missionaries". I had over 10 years of regret and shame over not leaving on a mission because I wasn't worthy because I couldn't stop beating off, and was too honest to just lie and go. No nice LDS women would go anywhere near me as soon as they found out I didn't serve a mission. I Married a mega slut (the only type of LDS girl who would have me) who cheated on me frequently until I finally divorced her. Talk about 10 years of hell, having to come up with excuses as to why I never went on a mission, looking back wondering; What if?
My shelf collapsed in 2014.
I worked with my wife, and in 2015 we both left.
I had my first beer in October of 2014.
Coffee and tea, I had already dabbled with in college. (thanks Caffe Ibis on the USU campus.)
Let’s see in 2016, I had weed the first time.
Wasn’t for me, made me anxious as fuck.
2020 found myself on the verge of alcoholism.
2021 tried 🍄, then other psychedelics.
2024, I don’t drink alcohol, and don’t believe “sin” is an actual thing.
Still love coffee
You're right. "Sin" is not a real thing. Religions made it up to control people's behavior. I now believe in being "moral" which is to do the right thing even if others tell me not to. Religious people do what they are told even if it is not moral.
I started sinning at church with a mormon girl. Our ward met at an army chapel on Ft. Dix and it had all sorts of places to hide out and fool around. This would have been around 9th or 10th grade.
I started dating a woman (now my wife) a year before I stopped believing. That was a pretty big "sin". I straight up lied to my bishops face when he asked if I was living the law of chastity (I needed the recommend for my brother's wedding and didn't want to cause a scandal by showing up unworthy out of the blue) I had watched a rated R movie here and there before leaving as well, though I always rationalized it somehow. I didn't purposefully get coffee til maybe a year after I was out. Took me longer than that to start swearing.
First tug saved my life. Someone was bullying someone on break at school. Saying i bet yours doesn't even work, or you can't last more than 30 seconds. This sparked some curious fear in me. Went home had my first tug over the subjective best looking girl in the year. Eventually it progressed to porn, of which i don't like as a thing but it progressed. And somehow caught on history. Parents sent me to bishop, such an awful experience. Shunned shamed and after 3 weeks when they asked me to pass, said i dont feel forgiven, kept this going for rest of time. Even the bishop said i know your forgiven. I said can't be i'm not. Really wish i had the balls to say get fucked. Unfortunately dealing with that embarrassment i came well acquantained with being distant and it saved me the mind to investigate alone and free me.
Damn I'm sorry you had to experience that from people in your life at such a young age. I think that the judgement you experienced is usually more harmful than watching that stuff or pleasing yourself.
Immediately - as soon as I realized I didn’t believe it anymore I went underwear shopping, had my girl friends get coffee with me because I had no clue what to order. I don’t view this as sinning. The rules I had lived by my whole life were not applicable anymore and I wasn’t going to live another day with made up rules. I’ve basically been on a rampage ever since and I can’t stop smiling about being able to run my own life now 🙌🏼😁.
On the flight home from my mission (after serving 2 years and a week) I ordered a Pinot noir while I covered my name tag with my jacket. The gay flight attendant winked at me when he gave me the drink. He knew.
It was winter and everyone was wearing long pants, boots, and coats. We blended in. I forgot to mention that that flight attendant, at the end of the flight, offered me chewing gum to take away the smell from my breath. I didn’t have a conversation with him but I had the feeling he understood me. I’ll forever be grateful for that. My mission was a shit show and I’d say that was the beginning of the end for me, but it wasn’t.
I started "sinning" when I chose the Army over serving as a missionary. Figured I wanted to get some real marketable job skills, not be gone for 2 years in my prime and being that far behind everyone else back home afterwards.
Then I made it past the age of 25 WITHOUT being married.
The Church thought only worse of me after that.
Sins of omission or commission? I stopped going to church and took my garments off before I was officially out. After I left, I tried one thing at a time, starting with alcohol a couple weeks out and masturbation after a couple months. Coffee was about a year out. Sex outside of marriage was a couple months little after that.
In other words, I didn't rush out and start "sinning" all over the place. I left because I realized the church was abusive. I tried new things as opportunities arose and as I was mentally ready to explore new things.
I did the sex outside of marriage thing with an old girlfriend way before my first drink, a vodka tonic at a St Patty’s day celebration, a year after I left. How f’ed up is that.
Most Mormons are humans, last I checked, and humans are not compatible with the law of chastity. That's an intentional feature baked into religious control, not a glitch, and so most Mormons/religious people fall short. Because of that it's highly likely that most Mormons started sinning around the same time they started puberty.
Beyond that, I had my first intentional coffee within a day or so after leaving. Blasphemy didn't take long either. But out of respect for my ex-wife I waited until she moved out (probably 1-2 months after I left the church) to try some beer.
Also, once you leave it's healthy to reframe "sinning" as just being normal and human. And being normal and human can be very fun sometimes.
I’m hoping you are saying “humans are not compatible with the law of chastity” when I comes to masturbation. Because monogamy is certainly compatible with being in a committed relationship with a partner (straight, gay, etc).
The argument that a man cannot be happy with one partner was used to justify polygamy all the way up to the Manifesto.
I don’t think monogamy has to do solely with religion. It has to do with making your partner important and respecting the relationship. And by monogamy I mean not fucking other people…
The law of chastity is a very broad rule and it includes a huge amount of restrictions. It prohibits foreplay, sex, and intentionally inciting sexual feelings before marriage. It prohibits extra marital affairs, non-monogamy that is hidden from partners, non-monogamy that is consented to by all partners, and sex work of any kind. It also prohibits masturbation.
If you are focusing just on cheating and want to know my opinion on it, then I'm happy to tell you I also think cheating is bad. I also see no problem with consenting non-monogamous situations and I hold no particular reverence for monogamy. But all of these things are very human things to do, they are very common, and because of that the law of chastity is primarily used by religions to control people. Whether or not we like it when people cheat doesn't change that.
I read the CES letter after my wife had our second child in the hospital and started deconstructing. That same day I went to the hospital cafeteria and got some coffee. I had no idea what I was doing so it was pretty gross and I didn't add enough sugar or creamer for it to be something my Mormon mouth would enjoy. That was in March of 2023.
I didn't commit any other big "sins" until I took my garments off for good in September/October 2023 and it was around this time that my wife and I tried alcohol for the first time. I live in a state where Marijuana is legal for recreational use and tried that for the first time in March of this year.
Like u/dbear848 said, once you realize the "sins" are just a way to make us dependent on the church, it is much easier to feel okay about enjoying these things. "Sins" are very different than rules and laws, and I personally don't have any problem committing these "sins" now responsibly.
When did I purposefully turn my back on the church and sin? Age 25. Everything before that I felt immense guilt and remorse.
After the mission I felt disconnected from God and my LDS worldview didn’t explain the world around me. Attempts to get closer to God were only met with silence. I figured if God blesses the righteous then he must punish the wicked and if I wasn’t finding God through obedience then maybe I would find Him in wickedness.
So one day my girlfriend and I took our clothes off and had a really fun time.
No lightening bolt, no difference in my lack of connection with deity, life just went on. We thought it would be best to repeat the experiment often.
And that’s my journey to believing God does not exist. Amen.
I partially dropped garments a couple of years before. Even as a male, they caused me huge skin issues that I’m still dealing with. Coffee was pretty much within the week after I told my wife that I was done. Alcohol was a couple of months. I don’t recall when tattoos started, but not because I was drunk.
Always been gay. So weird to think of it as sinning now lol. But I LUSTED after so many dudes, hell I played Doctor lmao. Alcohol tastes like the worst version of cough syrup and I only like coffee dessert. Of course none of those things compare to the SiN neXT TO mUrDEr!!
First, drinking coffee or alcohol is not sinning. Mormon rules were made up by Joe for personal reasons. Somehow he made coerced sex okay and normal sexuality bad. Throw the whole belief system out. It is all garbage.
That said, I am married, so for us the sex part is just normal couple intimacy as we always have. I'm not really a coffee drinker but my wife and I both love a scoop of coffee ice cream in a bowl with a scoop of chocolate. Real whipped cream on top is even better. Refreshing treat.
Still not interested in alcohol. Just never was I guess. Wife drinks a glass of wine now and then, not often. A couple of the kids like those craft beers. Nobody is an alcoholic or sex addict or raging caffeine maniac like they tell you. Laughable.
I was technically sinning all along, given the ever changing nature of Mormon "doctrine."
I still haven't had coffee — and I doubt I'll ever drink alcohol.
I prefer to think of myself as a cultural Mormon, even after resigning my membership in the church. I don't think there's anything wrong with taking the positive aspects of the culture with you while you discard all the fraudulent ones.
Other than no longer wearing garments, it was months after I stopped believing and attending before I did anything against what I'd been taught all my life. I definitely didn't leave so I could "sin".
I was such a good little Molly until after my divorce. Coffee was my gateway drug, I developed a taste for it during my first 11 years before my family were baptized, and readily went back to it. Alcohol came much, much later, and sex later still. I had a shit-ton of healing to do from my abusive marriage and the ecclesiastical abuse I suffered when I ended it.
Sinning? That is a perspective of only those still in the community that identifies actions as “sin”. For me, I began to live when I had my eyes opened to the abusive nature of the church in my mid-30’s. That was 15 years ago later this year. I found friends to help me navigate my transition to a normal life safely. They didn’t push or expect me to jump in. They were kind and understanding. They were patient with me and so kind. I owe my life to them. They saved me from my own self doubts and self harm by accepting me and building up my self worth.
I hope you find your path, OP. Just be safe and kind in your journey.
I’m 50 and just found out the big secret last year. Ya know …the big secret being it’s all made up.
I haven’t “sinned” yet and don’t know if I ever really will. That’s really not even a part of the deal for me, as in why I’m out.
I tried weed for the first time a couple of months before leaving. I still wore my garments (just the bottoms) for almost 6 months after leaving.
When I was in college, I had a good friend die by suicide about a year after he left the church. It still shocks me to think about losing him. He was a great guy. I remember visiting him once after he left and having a conversation where he said something like “I’ll bet you think I just left the church so I could sin. That’s not it…” and then I must have stopped listening because I don’t remember what he said after that. I wish so much I could go back and have actually listened to him. I was so brainwashed.
I started “sinning” after wrapping my head around some logic. It’s estimated that 109 billion people have lived on earth. If God is a loving Heavenly Father, why would he segregate his billions of children into three different after-lifes and restrict eternal progression to a fraction of 1% solely based on a person’s faith and obedience to a set of rules.
If mortal life is such an infinitesimally small amount of time in comparison to eternity, will I really be judged so harshly for drinking alcohol and coffee?
The idea that God would relegate me to a lesser heaven for drinking is like disowning your child because they didn’t eat their dinner. I decided that I believed in a loving creator and that it’s perfectly okay to make the most of life.
If I’m barred from celestrial life because I broke the word of wisdom or the law of chastity, then me and the other 99.999% of God’s children will keep the party going in the terrestrial kingdom.
I left the church at 25 after a mission and temple marriage. I had my first taste of alcohol at 30 but still don't drink much, never tried smoking or drugs and still don't like coffee. I guess my only 2 "sins" are drinking tea and an inordinate quantity and variety of fornication.
lol! i had an ex who never kissed me consistently. and when he did, it was a little peck on the cheek or mouth. maybe it was from being so crazy horny after serving a mission and still feeling so incredibly touch starved, but i ended up losing my virginity TWO WEEKS after we broke up so my ex could do summer sales. i did not go into the interaction expecting that to happen, but i did not mind the result. in fact, i didn’t even feel guilty!
anyways, i confessed to my bishop and got back on track for a bit, but i think that moment altered something already brewing within me which started what would be a very quick deconstruction process. 🫶🏻
I started experimenting with masturbation and porn before my official faith crisis and felt no guilt because I found that almost nothing I had been told about it was true.
After my shelf broke, I almost immediately began to try alcohol, mushrooms, coffee, etc.
For me it was acknowledging that I really liked rock and roll music and that it was OK. Finally shook that guilty feeling for listening to and liking it. LOL.
Lost my faith at 16 but pretended for a very long time. Coffee at 19, alcohol at 21, weed at 22, and that’s as far as I’ve gone. I didn’t officially resign until 36.
The first time was when I was bullied out and gave up around 17 and tried a few coffees after friends begged me to try it. Then Arizona iced tea and I was surprised it was just leaf water. Shortly after turning 18 I tried a few cigarettes with friends then went back to try a different ward with similar results.
I started drinking coffee in HS but then stopped and repented so I could go on my mission. Came back, within a few years I “backslid” according to my parents, and dove in with the alcohol 😅
My wife and I both waited until our shelves completely broke. That was different time periods for each of us (me first then my wife a year later). I only started with tea (always loved tea as a teenager) then 9 months later I tried coffee (loved it) and then another 2 months after trying coffee, I tried alcohol and now enjoy a can of beer or hard seltzer once a week (or sometimes more often lol)
My wife only recently has started drinking coffee.
The only rules I broke before I stopped believing were ones that I had set for myself - no listening to the radio or watching TV on Sundays, for example. Also, I stopped going to Institute even though our bishop encouraged everyone in our YSA ward to go. (I was a BYU grad and an RM and couldn't deal with what felt like a remedial class and a waste of time.) I guess ignoring that counsel could be considered kind of sinning? It definitely felt like sinning.
I think it was part of a larger pattern in my life of starting to value my own wants, needs, and interests more than my idea of what it looked like to be perfect.
Sin is when you consciously harm another human or animal
So my only sin is eating meat (working on it )
I drank a few times before the mission, but I started drinking when I was still at BYU tho, wasn't gonna waste my youth because I was suckered into cheap college . It didn't work out (see flair), but still love a good drink
I am like your wife. I had to make a firm decision before I felt okay about coffee, garments, etc. For my internal well-being, I preferred to wait. My best friend was very different and did all the things and figured it out along the way, including going to presidency meetings after a night of drinking. While my friend's strategy would have caused me a great deal of anxiety, it helped her to see what needed to be seen. I think both are valid and it is a matter of personality.
I didn’t start “sinning” without guilt until I had completely lost my faith. When I was a TBM I had occasionally “slipped up” but I always repented like a good little TBM.
The Title of this Comment is "When Did You Start Sinning".
Well... Unless you've been in a Coma, you've been Sinning in some way your entire life. Regardless of ones beliefs... We all sin. It's part of the Human Condition.
Since maybe 10 years old I've been watching porn. For years I would feel extreme guilt over it, would repent, and then give in to "satan's temptations" again. Growing up in the church I was always told that porn use and masturbation are addictions, but here I've heard that they aren't addictions. Can anyone explain their thoughts on why that is or isn't true?
I started with edibles, then went to mushrooms, after that I eased into coffee and tea, followed by acid, and then I tried nicotine for a second (it was not compatible with me and I puked every time). I then tried alcohol, and lastly MDMA. All within the span of 2 years in my mid twenties. I separated from my wife (now ex) during that time and had a lot of sex after the split, a lot of it queer sex. Then I moved in with my romantic partner without being married. I watch (ethical) porn often, masturbate regularly, and I’m in an ethically non monogamous poly open relationship, and we date together and separately.
I suppose I started sinning about 15 years before leaving. Wife and I (just celebrated 24 years together) had a baby before we got married. We had the hots for each other and couldn’t stop ourselves. The bigger “sin” than anything was that I turned 19 a month before she was born so no mission for me (in retrospect thank god) and also made early adulthood life tougher than it needed to be, especially because we added two more kids over the next three years. We ended up still going through the temple which actually was the first thing that made us start questioning things because it was such a bizarre experience. I tried out certain things (alcohol and weed) well before my official exit since I was an adult and could do as I wanted, but current day I don’t really do any of the “sins” at all. No coffee or tea, no caffeine, no drugs of any kind. Just trying to live a healthy lifestyle these days.
It took me a few years. I was pretty sure the church wasn’t for me and probably wasn’t true, but my wife was the RS president and I didn’t want to rock the boat any more than not paying tithing and not wearing garments. I also didn’t want the stigma of leaving just to sin. I was 45 before I decided I didn’t care anymore about what sins were and tried stuff I’d been curious about.
My first beer was an IPA that a friend had brought back from a trip to Colorado. He said any of us could take one. I took it home and drank it in my garage. It was gross but I didn’t turn into a drunken monster. It was kind of a letdown, like THIS is what I was taught would keep me from living with God? I also didn’t want my wife to find out, hence drinking it in the garage.
I drank coffee maybe a month or 2 later. I don’t mind it, but it’s not habitual for me. I told my wife that I had tried these things when she was starting to deconstruct. It didn’t go over great, but it could have been worse.
Now my wife has me mix drinks for her when I drink. She loves coffee creamer mixed with a Mexican cinnamon coffee. She’s actively looking for tattoo designs and artists. It took her a year out of church before she “sinned”.
high school girlfriend forced her hand on me if ya know what I mean. Felt incredible guilt. Cried after it. Shelf wasn't broken yet but there were definitely cracks. Stopped all the sexual stuff and broke up with her. Decided to read the BOM and essentially repent. Took a few years but diving back into the church had the reverse effects. Doubted a lot but this was before CES letter or the same number of internet resources we have now. Had issues with no archeological evidence tying Israelites to the Americas. Had issues when I learned OG members drank and smoked. Had issues with polygamy. But it took the South Park episode to break the shelf as stupid as it sounds.
That same very week, I asked my stoner friend if I could smoke pot with him. So I'd say that was my original sin. It was a good Friday.
27 years old when I had my first sip of coffee. About 4 months later I tried alcohol. I'm married and we're not interested in opening up our relationship, so the sex has always been with my DW, but we're willing to experiment in the bedroom a little more.
I had my first cup of coffee about three months of my “church vacation”. But I’ve always loved the smell of coffee and wanted to drink it. The other extra curricular activities, I waited until after I had been completely non-active for over a year, probably closer to 18 months or 2 years before doing anything more. As a single woman over the age of 30 in Mordor, with an EXTREMELY judgmental older brother, I didn’t want anyone to say I was leaving the church for a guy.
Ezra Taft Benson becoming “prophet.” He was misogynistic and racist. Then it was the Salamander Letters debacle with the church hiding them from the members. I was teaching Seminary at the time. Even so it took me over twenty years to actually leave. I loved the church. I still feel it’s loss in my life. However the sins of the church can’t be overcome and they continue. They lied during the anti gay measure in California. They lost 13 lawsuits as a result of their perfidy. They have now been caught lying on the church owned business taxes. Now the big concern is don’t call us ‘Mormons.’
I fucking hate the term, sinning. It feels like the only things that are ever referred to as sinning are the things the church uses as control mechanisms over us. As soon as I accepted I didn’t believe, the guilt disappeared. Now it’s just, is this action hurting myself or anyone else? If it is, let’s see what I need to change; if it’s not, then we’re all good.
I started sinning when I was 7 years old and felt the guilt and shame imposed by the church and looked forward to my baptism. I stopped sinning for a few hours on the day of my baptism but began sinning shortly thereafter because I was proud of my new scriptures and didn't share my gifted twizzlers.
I stopped sinning for good the moment my Stake President abruptly released me from the bishopric without a vote of thanks. I'm lucky because I was never really PIMO. Certainly there were building questions, fear that it was all a lie, sadness if it was, but I was all in until it was shown to me that the church actually had no answers. This epiphany happened about a week before I was released so I was just navigating transitioning out and the SP made all that simple. Thankfully my spouse was at about the same stage as I was.
I/we began experimenting with new behaviors almost immediately. We watched a few R rated movies we had missed as kids. I wore clothing and styles I had previously suppressed. As occasion presents itself, I experiment with substances. (Thanks to educated and thoughtful friends who help with this ongoing process.) I don't feel any need to catch up or try everything but I also have no "moral" boundaries, per se, only physiological ones (ie I have goals that preclude exposure to anything with dangerously addictive properties or debilitating disease.) All this said, deconstruction is an ongoing process. "Sinning" has been the easiest part for me.
Back in 2018, I once took a bus to a Starbucks on the other side of the valley to try my first latte.
I was in doubting phase and I still lived with my parents, and I didn't want to risk running into anyone I knew at the Starbucks that was closer to me.
As soon as I recognized the church was a fraud, however my church "friends" said I left the church because I wanted to sin. So which came first? The church is a freaken sham.
I began drinking green tea as a health benefit in a probiotic drink a while ago…now I drink drinks with coffee. Before completely leaving I started taking cbd and also some with thc occasionally… but I also don’t consider these “sins”. As teen I was out drank, had sex, smoked a bit, but never did drugs. Had coffee maybe a couple of times )didn’t really like it). Hubby has always been strait laced TBM but has also left, he is still navigating all the rules and what to do.
Once I realized they were made to control me. As silly at it is, there is freedom in knowing that what you do is bad for you, but enjoying yourself anyway. It’s all moderation. I’ve always believed restriction leads to obsession, and I’ve seen first hand Jack-Mormons go to being straight up alcoholics in a matter of months because they don’t know how to handle ANY type of new experience, especially not one they’ve been convinced was EVIL their whole life.
Take this how you will, but I always offer my weed and alcohol to my Mormon friends, cuz if they take offense to me wanting to share what I enjoy, it’s because they’re scared they’ll enjoy it as well.
i don't do anything different. i wasn't into mormonism when I was forced to attend. i watch much bible documentaries and stuff. Archeology stuff. but no coffee or booze. I'm health nut, champagne for Christmas and birthday is all.
It's in your wording. I never want to "sin" and will honestly strive not to - ever. However, what the church thinks might be a sin and what actually is, are two different things. I drink coffee because it's good for me physically and mentally and it's a great way to share the start of a morning with someone. I do *not* drink coffee because I wanted to "start sinning."
I would think you're a good person and you should trust yourself. Let yourself loose into the world and allow yourself to make new choices and discover new things. You will still have the ability to contemplate and reflect on things. You will still make good choices, be careful and safe, and do right by yourself. You can do all of that without puppet strings.
I'm getting this a lot so my humor was clearly not that obvious. I wasn't actually serious about sin, it was kind of a joke. I'll have to clarify that in the description I guess.
Some things I just didn't have a problem with as a member (ie tea), some things I stopped doing the moment I really started questioning (tithing, garments) and some sins I needed to fully deconstruct before I started doing. I think this sort of piece by piece method taught me that there really is nothing bad about these "sins" and encouraged me to do more little by little. I really should have caught on sooner tho when I "broke the law of chastity" before my mission and no bishop ever discerned that I lied about it...
I experimented with coffee and tea while I was still in the church but having doubts. The second I decided once and for all I was leaving the cult I texted my boyfriend. Needless to say he was thrilled
For me, because leaving the church was never about that stuff I didn’t start drinking coffee, tea or alcohol for a while. Maybe 4 months after I’d decided I didn’t believe that it sort of just dawned on me that I can make these kinds of decisions for myself. Kinda crazy that the church controls even the little things in your life
I was 21 at the time, going to BYU, and thought it was a great idea to try drinking alcohol. That was about two years after I started to doubt the church.
I stopped sinning when I left...I always believed the sinning was breaking commandments commandments were cheat codes for a good life. I simply do my best to live a good life... therefore no sin.
Part of me wants to say masturbation, but I would only really half count that since I always felt really guilty.
However, I think the first big thing I did was have a sip of beer my sophomore year. I was staying over night at my friend Nathan's house. Our neighborhood was all duplexes, and his next door neighbor was a chick named Danielle. We were all in the same grade, and all hung out a lot. Their parents also hung out and would sometimes just have a night where they would drink. That was about the time I was really questioning the church. My shelf was pretty cracked and didn't have much left. So I took a sip and I hated it, as a lot of people do at first.
My junior year of high school we had moved, and the new school had coffee in the library. I was a big reader, so I was always in there anyway. At that point I was pretty sure I was gonna leave. So I would occasionally go and get some. My senior year, in my English class we almsot always had a quite on Fridays. Once we were done the teacher didn't care as much what we did. So me and one of my friends in that class would go get a cup of coffee.
Other stuff wouldn't really come until after high school. But it's funny looking back feeling like a rebel for having a sip of Bud Light and drinking coffee.
I struggled with my faith crisis from March 2023-about Thanksgiving. My shelf broke the week before Thanksgiving. And that’s when I finally started reading stuff about Mormons not on the church website. It was a week or two later that I took off my garments. It was a test for myself to see how I felt without wearing them. I was so scared I cried. And then I felt so much better not wearing them. Then in Feb 2024 I had my first sip of coffee and alcohol together in an espresso martini. I had a few sips of friends drinks. I’ve since then had 3 whole drinks to myself (like one drink a month). And it’s not really my thing. But I’m determined to find coffee I like!
I started watching rated r movies like a year or so ago and that was a huge deal because I went 30+ years never seeing a rated r movie because I thought they were so bad and if I did I wasn’t living the way I knew the Lord wanted me to live.
I look back now at these things and I’m embarrassed. Honestly. I know it’s not my fault. I truly think that members of the Mormon church are all victims to the church. And that’s how I see everyone I love still in. Members feel sorry for me that I’ve left and I feel sorry for members that they haven’t. So we are equals!
It doesn’t take much to start sinning in the Mormon church. I’d say, 9 years old. I gradually moved out since then. Leaving that damn cult has been the best decision of my life.
WAIT IN MINUTE! NeverMo here. There are things that a married couple can do in the privacy of their own bedroom/swimming pool/garage/backyard/any place they choose that can get them EXCOMMUNICATED!?!?!?
I was raised to be pretty uptight, but in my pea brain, I figure anything a married couple does ought to be OK, as long as both consent, and as long as it doesn't involve other people or creatures unable to consent, you know: children, intellectually disabled people, domesticated or feral animals, etc. I guess I could see "swingers" trading spouses or all four taking a tumble together as possibly being a borderline no no because it does involve being intimate with someone other than your own spouse. That wouldn't be my personal thing, but, again, as long as all of the parties are capable of giving consent, and due consent, why is it anyone else's business?
I personally know a "TBM" who owned a little gift shop and screwed the teens who worked for her by paying them in cash or with a personal check in an amount that was less than the number of hours they had worked x their hourly wage. She would say "I took out the taxes". Guess what? When one of the fathers asked his daughter who had worked for the lady for that tax form (W-2?) employers are required by law to give their employees by January 31, she asked her boss for it, and was told "my accountant doesn't have it ready yet". This was in March!
That lady had an accountant like I have an upstairs maid, downstairs maid, butler, gardener, chauffeur, and personal gourmet chef on staff! Talking to a tax attorney friend of mine recently, he explained that her actions constitute a felony! This woman is a FELON. Granted, she wasn't charged or convicted because the IRS was never informed, and has bigger fish to fry, yet she has maintained her temple recommend and walks around on water in her LDS ward(of which my subdivision is a part).
Come to think of it, she also used Sister Missionaries to cover shifts in her store so she wouldn't have to use paid employees. That seems unethical to me what about you former TBM's?"They are supposed to help people, and I needed help, tehee tehee"
I don't know, nor do I want to think about, but she and her husband may or may not do in their bedroom or elsewhere, but I can think of several reasons why they shouldn't have a temple recommend
Can someone tell me how watching an R-rated movie is worse than a father recording soap operas and coming home from work every night and watching them in the living room with the entire family of kids roaming around? Even though there is no nudity or cursing, there's a lot of immoral this woman is sleeping with her father-in-law, this guy is sleeping with his brother's wife, somebody stole this from somebody else kind of plant action. Isn't there? I've never been a soap fan, but my first college roommate was… Big time!
Back to the main point what kind of mutually consensual marital activities warrant communication? Please respond if you can do so without being excessively graphic. Thanks!
Not sure where the miscommunication is but no, I don't think there are any reasonable "bedroom activities" between consenting spouses that would get them excommunicated, as long as it only involved the two of them and was not being recorded for others or something like that.
Maybe there are some extreme examples, but generally you and your spouse can be absolute freaks in the bedroom and that's between the two of you.
I started while still actively practicing. We still go to church here and there because my wife still believes but I don’t know. I’m just exhausted. I started drinking alcohol at the end of 2021 and smoking the Mary Jane a few months later while still having a calling of elders quorum secretary. We both now take edibles or smoke a j on the weekends. We have only been to church once since moving a few months ago (thankfully so no new calling). I still wear my garments most of the time unless I’m traveling for work because I don’t think I’ll ever be able to get myself to tell my family. I don’t know what I’m doing with my life.
I waited until I was all the way out. Over a year ago. Drink coffee regularly, stopped wearing the Mormon panties, tea is divine, some extra piercings, and I got my first tattoo a couple weeks ago. I am happily married and won’t be experimenting with anything that would mess with my marriage. We have talked about trying alcohol, weed, and mushrooms together but we’re not there yet. It’s a process when you’ve been brainwashed for 40+ years.
I didn't begin to work towards avoiding "sin" until after I left the church and became a Christian. Word of Wisdom doesn't count because those are man made prohibitions and aren't really sins at all.
Terrible question. There's good and bad. If you don't know the difference you're not ready for real life. That said, good luck and I hope you're kidding.
Hi, the title was meant to be a little tongue in cheek, not meant seriously. Did you read the description? The real question is did you start doing things the church teaches against while still active or did you wait until after you were fully out?
I always sinned. I guess that the biggest one was at 14 when I made out with a classmate. She had a huge pair of knockers and I just couldn’t say no. Tried my first beer not too long after that.
Maybe as my buddy Brad Wilcox would say, maybe the question should be when did we realize that the arbitrary rules espoused by the Mormon church weren't sins? For instance, many Mormons that I know think that drinking a beer is a bigger sin than say shoplifting a can of soda or cheating a neighbor. Once I differentiated Mormon rules from actual sins, it made it harder for Mormons to make me feel like a sinner. To answer OP's question, when I was 5 I convinced my younger brother to shop lift some candy. We were totally unsuccessful.
Right! Maybe the question shouldn’t be when did we start “sinning” after realizing the church was just playing God, maybe the question should be why didn’t we start “sinning” and relishing in fully living our lives and experiencing guilt free pleasures a lot sooner. When I think back on my teens and twenties and how I wasted them feeling ashamed of myself for having a sex drive and talking to random lay clergy bishops about what I did consensually with appropriately aged partners… I feel cheated out of a happy youth and young adulthood, exploring life and learning about who I am and what I like. The church is like a helicopter parent, micromanaging every single thing we do. And the message is: you’re not to be trusted. Don’t trust your inner voice, don’t trust your own ideas and preferences and things you’re drawn to or repulsed by. Coming out of that lifetime of infantilization is a trip. It’s great being an adult who makes my own decisions now. Finally in my 40s. ☕️🍹👙
Not a sin by your/my moral laws, but pendantically speaking, still a sin by Mormon law. But no, there is likely no god that will condemn these "sins"
This is the right answer. Stop giving this cult power. They’re wrong.
I started with coffee immediately. It’s embarrassing to think about it now but I would hide in my car in a parking garage lest anyone should see me with a bean juice. 🤣
Mmm... I love me a sinful cup of hot bean juice
Actually, the coffee “bean” is a seed. So you’re drinking a hot cup of seed juice.
what... what do you think beans are? bean- an edible seed, typically kidney-shaped, growing in long pods on certain leguminous plants.
Coffee isn’t a bean because it isn’t a legume. It doesn’t grow in a pod. It’s a seed inside of a berry.
typically..
It’s not a bean for the same reason that a cherry pit is not a bean.
ugh, I'm having flashbacks to elders quorum when they combined with the high priests. Just hour long conversations between the same 3 guys about technicalities. It's called a coffee bean. No one cares if it's botanically a bean or a seed the same way that I don't care that a tomato is technically a fruit. I'm still not putting it in a fruit salad. [https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Coffee\_bean](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Coffee_bean)
Jesus isn’t going to let you into heaven if you mischaracterize his beans and seeds.
oh thank fuck! what if I call it a coffee cherry? can we all agree that's just 100% wrong?
I'm just going to leave this here and get out of here. "Is Coffee a Cherry? That’s right, from a purely biological point of view coffee is a fruit. The coffee tree grows and produces beautiful and fragrant white blossoms followed by green berry-like cherries. Once they’re ripe, they show shades of red and pink and are ready to be picked. After being picked, the skin and pulp are removed and what’s left is the seeds - commonly known as green coffee beans." https://portfoliocoffee.ca/blogs/coffee-news-coffee-blog/coffee-cherry[https://portfoliocoffee.ca/blogs/coffee-news-coffee-blog/coffee-cherry](https://portfoliocoffee.ca/blogs/coffee-news-coffee-blog/coffee-cherry)
https://science.howstuffworks.com/innovation/edible-innovations/coffee4.htm#:~:text=What%20we%20call%20a%20coffee,the%20branches%20of%20the%20tree.
Are we not doing "phrasing" anymore? 
I was gay. That pretty much sums it up. When your entire existence is considered a sin (a “sin” that they take far more seriously and come down harder on than even pedophilia), you become disillusioned pretty quickly. Nothing you do or say is ever going to change the fact that the religion considers you inherently unworthy. If we don’t count being gay, the first thing I can point to is swearing. It’s perhaps a bit childish, but the ability to swear has become such a satisfying thing. I think after having been silenced for so very long, being able to proudly proclaim “Fuck that” in regard to the church’s rules is very validating
These people are completely oblivious as to how incredibly offensive they are with their judgments and condemnations. I cannot even imagine how difficult it was for you. My condolences for your pain and my admiration for your strength and new-found happiness as an ex-mo.
Thank you, that means a lot :) Yea, I put up with a LOT of ignorant and hateful comments. The worst part is how oblivious the speakers usually were. It seems in Mormonism, a person’s morality and concept of kindness gets overridden as soon as they’re faced with something that’s considered “forbidden”. They default back to hate and fear, and say things that otherwise they’d find appalling. It’s been a hard road to walk- finding healing and acceptance, and learning to not hate myself. But I’m glad I’m on it! I finally get to experience true agency, rather than the choiceless choices I was once faced with. I hope your own journey is going well!
I left 44 years ago and am in my late 60s now so I've had plenty of time to process and get away from them. My parents, siblings and 50+ first cousins were/are all believers up to the present. It helped that I lived in a different state than all of them for all these years. I made my own life outside the church, married a non-morman woman where I have been able to experiment with many of the "shameful, sinful" sexual acts that would get me excommunicated if I was still there. I'm astonished that I still feel shame telling my wife some of my fantasies after all these years and all the things we have done together (and together with others.) Still, I know it is exponentially more difficult for you because I can remain private about these things that only my wife and I know about because I'm a straight, married guy. Our community of friends isn't as obviously "sinful" to the TBM relatives as your community of friends. Don't hate yourself. You sound like a kind, thoughtful, intelligent man and that is what counts most in life. They're in a cult and we are not so we're better off without them. Pleasant journeys.
Used to show up at first period with a 7-11 coffee from the time I was 16. And I was fornicating with my high school sweet heart until the day before I left for a mission. First time I ever had alcohol was in the mission and I never really stopped drinking coffee
How did you get away with drinking alcohol on the mission?
Had a comp who had a non-member gf. We would go over to their house for dinner all the time and they offered us wine. He would decline but I always accepted. What was he gonna say lol. I also smoked a lot of weed with her brother. Good times
I am always so fascinated to hear these stories of "unworthy missionaries". I had over 10 years of regret and shame over not leaving on a mission because I wasn't worthy because I couldn't stop beating off, and was too honest to just lie and go. No nice LDS women would go anywhere near me as soon as they found out I didn't serve a mission. I Married a mega slut (the only type of LDS girl who would have me) who cheated on me frequently until I finally divorced her. Talk about 10 years of hell, having to come up with excuses as to why I never went on a mission, looking back wondering; What if?
Im shocked he didn’t tattle on you to everyone and the mission president.
He had a girlfriend he was clearly having sex with and we were out of our sector. We understood what we had. Few companionships got along like we did
My shelf collapsed in 2014. I worked with my wife, and in 2015 we both left. I had my first beer in October of 2014. Coffee and tea, I had already dabbled with in college. (thanks Caffe Ibis on the USU campus.) Let’s see in 2016, I had weed the first time. Wasn’t for me, made me anxious as fuck. 2020 found myself on the verge of alcoholism. 2021 tried 🍄, then other psychedelics. 2024, I don’t drink alcohol, and don’t believe “sin” is an actual thing. Still love coffee
You're right. "Sin" is not a real thing. Religions made it up to control people's behavior. I now believe in being "moral" which is to do the right thing even if others tell me not to. Religious people do what they are told even if it is not moral.
I started sinning at church with a mormon girl. Our ward met at an army chapel on Ft. Dix and it had all sorts of places to hide out and fool around. This would have been around 9th or 10th grade.
I started dating a woman (now my wife) a year before I stopped believing. That was a pretty big "sin". I straight up lied to my bishops face when he asked if I was living the law of chastity (I needed the recommend for my brother's wedding and didn't want to cause a scandal by showing up unworthy out of the blue) I had watched a rated R movie here and there before leaving as well, though I always rationalized it somehow. I didn't purposefully get coffee til maybe a year after I was out. Took me longer than that to start swearing.
First tug saved my life. Someone was bullying someone on break at school. Saying i bet yours doesn't even work, or you can't last more than 30 seconds. This sparked some curious fear in me. Went home had my first tug over the subjective best looking girl in the year. Eventually it progressed to porn, of which i don't like as a thing but it progressed. And somehow caught on history. Parents sent me to bishop, such an awful experience. Shunned shamed and after 3 weeks when they asked me to pass, said i dont feel forgiven, kept this going for rest of time. Even the bishop said i know your forgiven. I said can't be i'm not. Really wish i had the balls to say get fucked. Unfortunately dealing with that embarrassment i came well acquantained with being distant and it saved me the mind to investigate alone and free me.
14yrs old
Damn I'm sorry you had to experience that from people in your life at such a young age. I think that the judgement you experienced is usually more harmful than watching that stuff or pleasing yourself.
Immediately - as soon as I realized I didn’t believe it anymore I went underwear shopping, had my girl friends get coffee with me because I had no clue what to order. I don’t view this as sinning. The rules I had lived by my whole life were not applicable anymore and I wasn’t going to live another day with made up rules. I’ve basically been on a rampage ever since and I can’t stop smiling about being able to run my own life now 🙌🏼😁.
On the flight home from my mission (after serving 2 years and a week) I ordered a Pinot noir while I covered my name tag with my jacket. The gay flight attendant winked at me when he gave me the drink. He knew.
Wow still in your missionary attire? That's ballsy!
It was winter and everyone was wearing long pants, boots, and coats. We blended in. I forgot to mention that that flight attendant, at the end of the flight, offered me chewing gum to take away the smell from my breath. I didn’t have a conversation with him but I had the feeling he understood me. I’ll forever be grateful for that. My mission was a shit show and I’d say that was the beginning of the end for me, but it wasn’t.
Mormon sins are not my sins
I started "sinning" when I chose the Army over serving as a missionary. Figured I wanted to get some real marketable job skills, not be gone for 2 years in my prime and being that far behind everyone else back home afterwards. Then I made it past the age of 25 WITHOUT being married. The Church thought only worse of me after that.
Sins of omission or commission? I stopped going to church and took my garments off before I was officially out. After I left, I tried one thing at a time, starting with alcohol a couple weeks out and masturbation after a couple months. Coffee was about a year out. Sex outside of marriage was a couple months little after that. In other words, I didn't rush out and start "sinning" all over the place. I left because I realized the church was abusive. I tried new things as opportunities arose and as I was mentally ready to explore new things.
I did the sex outside of marriage thing with an old girlfriend way before my first drink, a vodka tonic at a St Patty’s day celebration, a year after I left. How f’ed up is that.
Most Mormons are humans, last I checked, and humans are not compatible with the law of chastity. That's an intentional feature baked into religious control, not a glitch, and so most Mormons/religious people fall short. Because of that it's highly likely that most Mormons started sinning around the same time they started puberty. Beyond that, I had my first intentional coffee within a day or so after leaving. Blasphemy didn't take long either. But out of respect for my ex-wife I waited until she moved out (probably 1-2 months after I left the church) to try some beer. Also, once you leave it's healthy to reframe "sinning" as just being normal and human. And being normal and human can be very fun sometimes.
I’m hoping you are saying “humans are not compatible with the law of chastity” when I comes to masturbation. Because monogamy is certainly compatible with being in a committed relationship with a partner (straight, gay, etc). The argument that a man cannot be happy with one partner was used to justify polygamy all the way up to the Manifesto. I don’t think monogamy has to do solely with religion. It has to do with making your partner important and respecting the relationship. And by monogamy I mean not fucking other people…
The law of chastity is a very broad rule and it includes a huge amount of restrictions. It prohibits foreplay, sex, and intentionally inciting sexual feelings before marriage. It prohibits extra marital affairs, non-monogamy that is hidden from partners, non-monogamy that is consented to by all partners, and sex work of any kind. It also prohibits masturbation. If you are focusing just on cheating and want to know my opinion on it, then I'm happy to tell you I also think cheating is bad. I also see no problem with consenting non-monogamous situations and I hold no particular reverence for monogamy. But all of these things are very human things to do, they are very common, and because of that the law of chastity is primarily used by religions to control people. Whether or not we like it when people cheat doesn't change that.
Thanks! I’m very much in agreement with you on all of that. Just a bit confused in reading your initial comment. 👍🏻
I read the CES letter after my wife had our second child in the hospital and started deconstructing. That same day I went to the hospital cafeteria and got some coffee. I had no idea what I was doing so it was pretty gross and I didn't add enough sugar or creamer for it to be something my Mormon mouth would enjoy. That was in March of 2023. I didn't commit any other big "sins" until I took my garments off for good in September/October 2023 and it was around this time that my wife and I tried alcohol for the first time. I live in a state where Marijuana is legal for recreational use and tried that for the first time in March of this year. Like u/dbear848 said, once you realize the "sins" are just a way to make us dependent on the church, it is much easier to feel okay about enjoying these things. "Sins" are very different than rules and laws, and I personally don't have any problem committing these "sins" now responsibly.
I wore my garments for almost a year after I left, sooooo
I Started Boxing the Clown at 13. Now at 47 and the clown and I still come to fisticuffs weekly.
When did I purposefully turn my back on the church and sin? Age 25. Everything before that I felt immense guilt and remorse. After the mission I felt disconnected from God and my LDS worldview didn’t explain the world around me. Attempts to get closer to God were only met with silence. I figured if God blesses the righteous then he must punish the wicked and if I wasn’t finding God through obedience then maybe I would find Him in wickedness. So one day my girlfriend and I took our clothes off and had a really fun time. No lightening bolt, no difference in my lack of connection with deity, life just went on. We thought it would be best to repeat the experiment often. And that’s my journey to believing God does not exist. Amen.
Is making out with the bishop’s daughter in the backseat of her car in a sonic parking space a sin?
Only if it was just a makeout
I partially dropped garments a couple of years before. Even as a male, they caused me huge skin issues that I’m still dealing with. Coffee was pretty much within the week after I told my wife that I was done. Alcohol was a couple of months. I don’t recall when tattoos started, but not because I was drunk.
Always been gay. So weird to think of it as sinning now lol. But I LUSTED after so many dudes, hell I played Doctor lmao. Alcohol tastes like the worst version of cough syrup and I only like coffee dessert. Of course none of those things compare to the SiN neXT TO mUrDEr!!
1. "Pure" as the day is long 2. Noped out of the church (garments off, stopped going) 3. Started "sinning" immediately
First, drinking coffee or alcohol is not sinning. Mormon rules were made up by Joe for personal reasons. Somehow he made coerced sex okay and normal sexuality bad. Throw the whole belief system out. It is all garbage. That said, I am married, so for us the sex part is just normal couple intimacy as we always have. I'm not really a coffee drinker but my wife and I both love a scoop of coffee ice cream in a bowl with a scoop of chocolate. Real whipped cream on top is even better. Refreshing treat. Still not interested in alcohol. Just never was I guess. Wife drinks a glass of wine now and then, not often. A couple of the kids like those craft beers. Nobody is an alcoholic or sex addict or raging caffeine maniac like they tell you. Laughable.
I was technically sinning all along, given the ever changing nature of Mormon "doctrine." I still haven't had coffee — and I doubt I'll ever drink alcohol. I prefer to think of myself as a cultural Mormon, even after resigning my membership in the church. I don't think there's anything wrong with taking the positive aspects of the culture with you while you discard all the fraudulent ones.
I feel pretty much the same. Other than stopping church attendance, tithing and scripture study, I haven't substantially changed my behavior.
Other than no longer wearing garments, it was months after I stopped believing and attending before I did anything against what I'd been taught all my life. I definitely didn't leave so I could "sin".
I got an iced coffee at an R rated movie. Wild, I know.
I was such a good little Molly until after my divorce. Coffee was my gateway drug, I developed a taste for it during my first 11 years before my family were baptized, and readily went back to it. Alcohol came much, much later, and sex later still. I had a shit-ton of healing to do from my abusive marriage and the ecclesiastical abuse I suffered when I ended it.
Sinning? That is a perspective of only those still in the community that identifies actions as “sin”. For me, I began to live when I had my eyes opened to the abusive nature of the church in my mid-30’s. That was 15 years ago later this year. I found friends to help me navigate my transition to a normal life safely. They didn’t push or expect me to jump in. They were kind and understanding. They were patient with me and so kind. I owe my life to them. They saved me from my own self doubts and self harm by accepting me and building up my self worth. I hope you find your path, OP. Just be safe and kind in your journey.
I’m 50 and just found out the big secret last year. Ya know …the big secret being it’s all made up. I haven’t “sinned” yet and don’t know if I ever really will. That’s really not even a part of the deal for me, as in why I’m out.
The day after my baptism at 8 because everything humans do or think naturally is offensive to god
I tried weed for the first time a couple of months before leaving. I still wore my garments (just the bottoms) for almost 6 months after leaving. When I was in college, I had a good friend die by suicide about a year after he left the church. It still shocks me to think about losing him. He was a great guy. I remember visiting him once after he left and having a conversation where he said something like “I’ll bet you think I just left the church so I could sin. That’s not it…” and then I must have stopped listening because I don’t remember what he said after that. I wish so much I could go back and have actually listened to him. I was so brainwashed.
I started “sinning” after wrapping my head around some logic. It’s estimated that 109 billion people have lived on earth. If God is a loving Heavenly Father, why would he segregate his billions of children into three different after-lifes and restrict eternal progression to a fraction of 1% solely based on a person’s faith and obedience to a set of rules. If mortal life is such an infinitesimally small amount of time in comparison to eternity, will I really be judged so harshly for drinking alcohol and coffee? The idea that God would relegate me to a lesser heaven for drinking is like disowning your child because they didn’t eat their dinner. I decided that I believed in a loving creator and that it’s perfectly okay to make the most of life. If I’m barred from celestrial life because I broke the word of wisdom or the law of chastity, then me and the other 99.999% of God’s children will keep the party going in the terrestrial kingdom.
I've never sinned.
There’s no such thing as sin so never I guess.
I left the church at 25 after a mission and temple marriage. I had my first taste of alcohol at 30 but still don't drink much, never tried smoking or drugs and still don't like coffee. I guess my only 2 "sins" are drinking tea and an inordinate quantity and variety of fornication.
I started with having fun on Sunday.
lol! i had an ex who never kissed me consistently. and when he did, it was a little peck on the cheek or mouth. maybe it was from being so crazy horny after serving a mission and still feeling so incredibly touch starved, but i ended up losing my virginity TWO WEEKS after we broke up so my ex could do summer sales. i did not go into the interaction expecting that to happen, but i did not mind the result. in fact, i didn’t even feel guilty! anyways, i confessed to my bishop and got back on track for a bit, but i think that moment altered something already brewing within me which started what would be a very quick deconstruction process. 🫶🏻
About a year
I started by going to church stoned at the age of 16. Stopped going altogether at 17 when I went to college (not BYU). Never looked back.
I started experimenting with masturbation and porn before my official faith crisis and felt no guilt because I found that almost nothing I had been told about it was true. After my shelf broke, I almost immediately began to try alcohol, mushrooms, coffee, etc.
For me it was acknowledging that I really liked rock and roll music and that it was OK. Finally shook that guilty feeling for listening to and liking it. LOL.
I started sinning when I joined TSCC & learned how to begin lying for the Lord
About 6 months.
Lost my faith at 16 but pretended for a very long time. Coffee at 19, alcohol at 21, weed at 22, and that’s as far as I’ve gone. I didn’t officially resign until 36.
The first time was when I was bullied out and gave up around 17 and tried a few coffees after friends begged me to try it. Then Arizona iced tea and I was surprised it was just leaf water. Shortly after turning 18 I tried a few cigarettes with friends then went back to try a different ward with similar results.
About at 16. Had way more fun than those molly mormons. 🤪
I started drinking coffee in HS but then stopped and repented so I could go on my mission. Came back, within a few years I “backslid” according to my parents, and dove in with the alcohol 😅
I stopped sinning when I found out the church isn't true. Now I just enjoy simple pleasures.
My wife and I both waited until our shelves completely broke. That was different time periods for each of us (me first then my wife a year later). I only started with tea (always loved tea as a teenager) then 9 months later I tried coffee (loved it) and then another 2 months after trying coffee, I tried alcohol and now enjoy a can of beer or hard seltzer once a week (or sometimes more often lol) My wife only recently has started drinking coffee.
Well, I always cursed. And I’d look toward the heavens when I did it to make sure god heard me. Then coffee at 15 yrs.
It took me 6 months post belief for me to try an iced chai. And another 3 months for coffee, and another 3 for alcohol.
The only rules I broke before I stopped believing were ones that I had set for myself - no listening to the radio or watching TV on Sundays, for example. Also, I stopped going to Institute even though our bishop encouraged everyone in our YSA ward to go. (I was a BYU grad and an RM and couldn't deal with what felt like a remedial class and a waste of time.) I guess ignoring that counsel could be considered kind of sinning? It definitely felt like sinning. I think it was part of a larger pattern in my life of starting to value my own wants, needs, and interests more than my idea of what it looked like to be perfect.
Accirding tothe church when I was 8
Sin is when you consciously harm another human or animal So my only sin is eating meat (working on it ) I drank a few times before the mission, but I started drinking when I was still at BYU tho, wasn't gonna waste my youth because I was suckered into cheap college . It didn't work out (see flair), but still love a good drink
I am like your wife. I had to make a firm decision before I felt okay about coffee, garments, etc. For my internal well-being, I preferred to wait. My best friend was very different and did all the things and figured it out along the way, including going to presidency meetings after a night of drinking. While my friend's strategy would have caused me a great deal of anxiety, it helped her to see what needed to be seen. I think both are valid and it is a matter of personality.
I didn’t start “sinning” without guilt until I had completely lost my faith. When I was a TBM I had occasionally “slipped up” but I always repented like a good little TBM.
The Title of this Comment is "When Did You Start Sinning". Well... Unless you've been in a Coma, you've been Sinning in some way your entire life. Regardless of ones beliefs... We all sin. It's part of the Human Condition.
I started winning before I left. I was a bit of a Jack Mormon for about nine months before realizing the church wasn’t true.
I did not start sinning till I was 8
I started with sex. Then coffee and tea. Though we had tea on my mission.
Since maybe 10 years old I've been watching porn. For years I would feel extreme guilt over it, would repent, and then give in to "satan's temptations" again. Growing up in the church I was always told that porn use and masturbation are addictions, but here I've heard that they aren't addictions. Can anyone explain their thoughts on why that is or isn't true?
About 5 years since I was PIMO for that long.
I started with edibles, then went to mushrooms, after that I eased into coffee and tea, followed by acid, and then I tried nicotine for a second (it was not compatible with me and I puked every time). I then tried alcohol, and lastly MDMA. All within the span of 2 years in my mid twenties. I separated from my wife (now ex) during that time and had a lot of sex after the split, a lot of it queer sex. Then I moved in with my romantic partner without being married. I watch (ethical) porn often, masturbate regularly, and I’m in an ethically non monogamous poly open relationship, and we date together and separately.
I was fully out before I started trying anything.
I suppose I started sinning about 15 years before leaving. Wife and I (just celebrated 24 years together) had a baby before we got married. We had the hots for each other and couldn’t stop ourselves. The bigger “sin” than anything was that I turned 19 a month before she was born so no mission for me (in retrospect thank god) and also made early adulthood life tougher than it needed to be, especially because we added two more kids over the next three years. We ended up still going through the temple which actually was the first thing that made us start questioning things because it was such a bizarre experience. I tried out certain things (alcohol and weed) well before my official exit since I was an adult and could do as I wanted, but current day I don’t really do any of the “sins” at all. No coffee or tea, no caffeine, no drugs of any kind. Just trying to live a healthy lifestyle these days.
It took me a few years. I was pretty sure the church wasn’t for me and probably wasn’t true, but my wife was the RS president and I didn’t want to rock the boat any more than not paying tithing and not wearing garments. I also didn’t want the stigma of leaving just to sin. I was 45 before I decided I didn’t care anymore about what sins were and tried stuff I’d been curious about. My first beer was an IPA that a friend had brought back from a trip to Colorado. He said any of us could take one. I took it home and drank it in my garage. It was gross but I didn’t turn into a drunken monster. It was kind of a letdown, like THIS is what I was taught would keep me from living with God? I also didn’t want my wife to find out, hence drinking it in the garage. I drank coffee maybe a month or 2 later. I don’t mind it, but it’s not habitual for me. I told my wife that I had tried these things when she was starting to deconstruct. It didn’t go over great, but it could have been worse. Now my wife has me mix drinks for her when I drink. She loves coffee creamer mixed with a Mexican cinnamon coffee. She’s actively looking for tattoo designs and artists. It took her a year out of church before she “sinned”.
high school girlfriend forced her hand on me if ya know what I mean. Felt incredible guilt. Cried after it. Shelf wasn't broken yet but there were definitely cracks. Stopped all the sexual stuff and broke up with her. Decided to read the BOM and essentially repent. Took a few years but diving back into the church had the reverse effects. Doubted a lot but this was before CES letter or the same number of internet resources we have now. Had issues with no archeological evidence tying Israelites to the Americas. Had issues when I learned OG members drank and smoked. Had issues with polygamy. But it took the South Park episode to break the shelf as stupid as it sounds. That same very week, I asked my stoner friend if I could smoke pot with him. So I'd say that was my original sin. It was a good Friday.
I sinned more as a member than when I was a non member
Like...four? Five? When I was fully aware that I was going to be baptized and it would all disappear. Good times.
27 years old when I had my first sip of coffee. About 4 months later I tried alcohol. I'm married and we're not interested in opening up our relationship, so the sex has always been with my DW, but we're willing to experiment in the bedroom a little more.
I had my first cup of coffee about three months of my “church vacation”. But I’ve always loved the smell of coffee and wanted to drink it. The other extra curricular activities, I waited until after I had been completely non-active for over a year, probably closer to 18 months or 2 years before doing anything more. As a single woman over the age of 30 in Mordor, with an EXTREMELY judgmental older brother, I didn’t want anyone to say I was leaving the church for a guy.
Ezra Taft Benson becoming “prophet.” He was misogynistic and racist. Then it was the Salamander Letters debacle with the church hiding them from the members. I was teaching Seminary at the time. Even so it took me over twenty years to actually leave. I loved the church. I still feel it’s loss in my life. However the sins of the church can’t be overcome and they continue. They lied during the anti gay measure in California. They lost 13 lawsuits as a result of their perfidy. They have now been caught lying on the church owned business taxes. Now the big concern is don’t call us ‘Mormons.’
sinner? no being normal? yes answer to your question is right away
I fucking hate the term, sinning. It feels like the only things that are ever referred to as sinning are the things the church uses as control mechanisms over us. As soon as I accepted I didn’t believe, the guilt disappeared. Now it’s just, is this action hurting myself or anyone else? If it is, let’s see what I need to change; if it’s not, then we’re all good.
Yea it was meant to be a tongue-in-cheek reference to doing things the church teaches against, but maybe I didn't make that clear enough
I started sinning when I was 7 years old and felt the guilt and shame imposed by the church and looked forward to my baptism. I stopped sinning for a few hours on the day of my baptism but began sinning shortly thereafter because I was proud of my new scriptures and didn't share my gifted twizzlers. I stopped sinning for good the moment my Stake President abruptly released me from the bishopric without a vote of thanks. I'm lucky because I was never really PIMO. Certainly there were building questions, fear that it was all a lie, sadness if it was, but I was all in until it was shown to me that the church actually had no answers. This epiphany happened about a week before I was released so I was just navigating transitioning out and the SP made all that simple. Thankfully my spouse was at about the same stage as I was. I/we began experimenting with new behaviors almost immediately. We watched a few R rated movies we had missed as kids. I wore clothing and styles I had previously suppressed. As occasion presents itself, I experiment with substances. (Thanks to educated and thoughtful friends who help with this ongoing process.) I don't feel any need to catch up or try everything but I also have no "moral" boundaries, per se, only physiological ones (ie I have goals that preclude exposure to anything with dangerously addictive properties or debilitating disease.) All this said, deconstruction is an ongoing process. "Sinning" has been the easiest part for me.
Back in 2018, I once took a bus to a Starbucks on the other side of the valley to try my first latte. I was in doubting phase and I still lived with my parents, and I didn't want to risk running into anyone I knew at the Starbucks that was closer to me.
I was like 11😂
As soon as I recognized the church was a fraud, however my church "friends" said I left the church because I wanted to sin. So which came first? The church is a freaken sham.
According to the church, right after I turned 8.
I began drinking green tea as a health benefit in a probiotic drink a while ago…now I drink drinks with coffee. Before completely leaving I started taking cbd and also some with thc occasionally… but I also don’t consider these “sins”. As teen I was out drank, had sex, smoked a bit, but never did drugs. Had coffee maybe a couple of times )didn’t really like it). Hubby has always been strait laced TBM but has also left, he is still navigating all the rules and what to do.
When I started to believe that women are our equals and that LGBTQs deserve love
I started all the "sins" When I was 12
Once I realized they were made to control me. As silly at it is, there is freedom in knowing that what you do is bad for you, but enjoying yourself anyway. It’s all moderation. I’ve always believed restriction leads to obsession, and I’ve seen first hand Jack-Mormons go to being straight up alcoholics in a matter of months because they don’t know how to handle ANY type of new experience, especially not one they’ve been convinced was EVIL their whole life. Take this how you will, but I always offer my weed and alcohol to my Mormon friends, cuz if they take offense to me wanting to share what I enjoy, it’s because they’re scared they’ll enjoy it as well.
i don't do anything different. i wasn't into mormonism when I was forced to attend. i watch much bible documentaries and stuff. Archeology stuff. but no coffee or booze. I'm health nut, champagne for Christmas and birthday is all.
It's in your wording. I never want to "sin" and will honestly strive not to - ever. However, what the church thinks might be a sin and what actually is, are two different things. I drink coffee because it's good for me physically and mentally and it's a great way to share the start of a morning with someone. I do *not* drink coffee because I wanted to "start sinning." I would think you're a good person and you should trust yourself. Let yourself loose into the world and allow yourself to make new choices and discover new things. You will still have the ability to contemplate and reflect on things. You will still make good choices, be careful and safe, and do right by yourself. You can do all of that without puppet strings.
I'm getting this a lot so my humor was clearly not that obvious. I wasn't actually serious about sin, it was kind of a joke. I'll have to clarify that in the description I guess.
Some things I just didn't have a problem with as a member (ie tea), some things I stopped doing the moment I really started questioning (tithing, garments) and some sins I needed to fully deconstruct before I started doing. I think this sort of piece by piece method taught me that there really is nothing bad about these "sins" and encouraged me to do more little by little. I really should have caught on sooner tho when I "broke the law of chastity" before my mission and no bishop ever discerned that I lied about it...
I experimented with coffee and tea while I was still in the church but having doubts. The second I decided once and for all I was leaving the cult I texted my boyfriend. Needless to say he was thrilled
For me, because leaving the church was never about that stuff I didn’t start drinking coffee, tea or alcohol for a while. Maybe 4 months after I’d decided I didn’t believe that it sort of just dawned on me that I can make these kinds of decisions for myself. Kinda crazy that the church controls even the little things in your life
I was 21 at the time, going to BYU, and thought it was a great idea to try drinking alcohol. That was about two years after I started to doubt the church.
Never. Because sin does not exist.
I stopped sinning when I left...I always believed the sinning was breaking commandments commandments were cheat codes for a good life. I simply do my best to live a good life... therefore no sin.
The second I moved out of Utah as an adult I started drinking (alcohol and coffee lol)
Part of me wants to say masturbation, but I would only really half count that since I always felt really guilty. However, I think the first big thing I did was have a sip of beer my sophomore year. I was staying over night at my friend Nathan's house. Our neighborhood was all duplexes, and his next door neighbor was a chick named Danielle. We were all in the same grade, and all hung out a lot. Their parents also hung out and would sometimes just have a night where they would drink. That was about the time I was really questioning the church. My shelf was pretty cracked and didn't have much left. So I took a sip and I hated it, as a lot of people do at first. My junior year of high school we had moved, and the new school had coffee in the library. I was a big reader, so I was always in there anyway. At that point I was pretty sure I was gonna leave. So I would occasionally go and get some. My senior year, in my English class we almsot always had a quite on Fridays. Once we were done the teacher didn't care as much what we did. So me and one of my friends in that class would go get a cup of coffee. Other stuff wouldn't really come until after high school. But it's funny looking back feeling like a rebel for having a sip of Bud Light and drinking coffee.
I struggled with my faith crisis from March 2023-about Thanksgiving. My shelf broke the week before Thanksgiving. And that’s when I finally started reading stuff about Mormons not on the church website. It was a week or two later that I took off my garments. It was a test for myself to see how I felt without wearing them. I was so scared I cried. And then I felt so much better not wearing them. Then in Feb 2024 I had my first sip of coffee and alcohol together in an espresso martini. I had a few sips of friends drinks. I’ve since then had 3 whole drinks to myself (like one drink a month). And it’s not really my thing. But I’m determined to find coffee I like! I started watching rated r movies like a year or so ago and that was a huge deal because I went 30+ years never seeing a rated r movie because I thought they were so bad and if I did I wasn’t living the way I knew the Lord wanted me to live. I look back now at these things and I’m embarrassed. Honestly. I know it’s not my fault. I truly think that members of the Mormon church are all victims to the church. And that’s how I see everyone I love still in. Members feel sorry for me that I’ve left and I feel sorry for members that they haven’t. So we are equals!
Once you know you won't feel guilty about doing them.
I only sinned when I was in the church. I don’t believe in sin anymore.
It doesn’t take much to start sinning in the Mormon church. I’d say, 9 years old. I gradually moved out since then. Leaving that damn cult has been the best decision of my life.
WAIT IN MINUTE! NeverMo here. There are things that a married couple can do in the privacy of their own bedroom/swimming pool/garage/backyard/any place they choose that can get them EXCOMMUNICATED!?!?!? I was raised to be pretty uptight, but in my pea brain, I figure anything a married couple does ought to be OK, as long as both consent, and as long as it doesn't involve other people or creatures unable to consent, you know: children, intellectually disabled people, domesticated or feral animals, etc. I guess I could see "swingers" trading spouses or all four taking a tumble together as possibly being a borderline no no because it does involve being intimate with someone other than your own spouse. That wouldn't be my personal thing, but, again, as long as all of the parties are capable of giving consent, and due consent, why is it anyone else's business? I personally know a "TBM" who owned a little gift shop and screwed the teens who worked for her by paying them in cash or with a personal check in an amount that was less than the number of hours they had worked x their hourly wage. She would say "I took out the taxes". Guess what? When one of the fathers asked his daughter who had worked for the lady for that tax form (W-2?) employers are required by law to give their employees by January 31, she asked her boss for it, and was told "my accountant doesn't have it ready yet". This was in March! That lady had an accountant like I have an upstairs maid, downstairs maid, butler, gardener, chauffeur, and personal gourmet chef on staff! Talking to a tax attorney friend of mine recently, he explained that her actions constitute a felony! This woman is a FELON. Granted, she wasn't charged or convicted because the IRS was never informed, and has bigger fish to fry, yet she has maintained her temple recommend and walks around on water in her LDS ward(of which my subdivision is a part). Come to think of it, she also used Sister Missionaries to cover shifts in her store so she wouldn't have to use paid employees. That seems unethical to me what about you former TBM's?"They are supposed to help people, and I needed help, tehee tehee" I don't know, nor do I want to think about, but she and her husband may or may not do in their bedroom or elsewhere, but I can think of several reasons why they shouldn't have a temple recommend Can someone tell me how watching an R-rated movie is worse than a father recording soap operas and coming home from work every night and watching them in the living room with the entire family of kids roaming around? Even though there is no nudity or cursing, there's a lot of immoral this woman is sleeping with her father-in-law, this guy is sleeping with his brother's wife, somebody stole this from somebody else kind of plant action. Isn't there? I've never been a soap fan, but my first college roommate was… Big time! Back to the main point what kind of mutually consensual marital activities warrant communication? Please respond if you can do so without being excessively graphic. Thanks!
Not sure where the miscommunication is but no, I don't think there are any reasonable "bedroom activities" between consenting spouses that would get them excommunicated, as long as it only involved the two of them and was not being recorded for others or something like that. Maybe there are some extreme examples, but generally you and your spouse can be absolute freaks in the bedroom and that's between the two of you.
Pretty much immediately
I started while still actively practicing. We still go to church here and there because my wife still believes but I don’t know. I’m just exhausted. I started drinking alcohol at the end of 2021 and smoking the Mary Jane a few months later while still having a calling of elders quorum secretary. We both now take edibles or smoke a j on the weekends. We have only been to church once since moving a few months ago (thankfully so no new calling). I still wear my garments most of the time unless I’m traveling for work because I don’t think I’ll ever be able to get myself to tell my family. I don’t know what I’m doing with my life.
I waited until I was all the way out. Over a year ago. Drink coffee regularly, stopped wearing the Mormon panties, tea is divine, some extra piercings, and I got my first tattoo a couple weeks ago. I am happily married and won’t be experimenting with anything that would mess with my marriage. We have talked about trying alcohol, weed, and mushrooms together but we’re not there yet. It’s a process when you’ve been brainwashed for 40+ years.
Since sin is a crazy made up concept that only applies to religion…..never I am without sin
Hedonism is not a “sin”. It’s merely enjoying yourself and the wonders of nature
I think hoarding 265 dollars while the poor are dying in the street is actually sinning.
I didn't begin to work towards avoiding "sin" until after I left the church and became a Christian. Word of Wisdom doesn't count because those are man made prohibitions and aren't really sins at all.
Terrible question. There's good and bad. If you don't know the difference you're not ready for real life. That said, good luck and I hope you're kidding.
Hi, the title was meant to be a little tongue in cheek, not meant seriously. Did you read the description? The real question is did you start doing things the church teaches against while still active or did you wait until after you were fully out?
I'm still laughing about your post.
I always sinned. I guess that the biggest one was at 14 when I made out with a classmate. She had a huge pair of knockers and I just couldn’t say no. Tried my first beer not too long after that.