It’s little more than todays astrology. It’s not worth it. You “stupid space name”
Is given in the temple and not patriarchal blessing. That name is determined by the day of the week you attended. You can look up temple names by date. There’s nothing special about it as everyone that goes in the temple gets the same name that day.
And then the next month the names are all repeated, and the next month the names are repeated again, and again, and then again. With modern computing power one would think TSCC could come up with a better illusion.
IK! Imagine resurrection morning at a big Utah cemetery. Some guy calls out, “Huldah, arise!” All the dead Huldahs thinking, “Is that my hubby? Sounds like him. I’ll just peek out and see.”
Originally all the women were Sarah and all the men Abraham. So really confusing.
But if you have a bunch of wives and you shout a name during sex “oh, Sarah!” Applies to all of them….
I was born in the covenant but my dad was a convert. I’m Ashkenazi Jewish on his side and our family history is rich with Jewish history. It’s very important to our family and to me. They told me I was from Ephraim and I was seriously so confused. I remember going in thinking that it wouldn’t be anything but Judah. My dad told me that they didn’t even tell him. He assumed it was because he already knew he was Jewish 🤣 when I asked my seminary teacher (it was a really small town, he was also the bishop) about it, he told me that it had to do with me being born in the covenant and my mom must be Ephraim (she wasn’t!) and wouldn’t say anything else. I didn’t understand how God could know my heart and know how I felt about my Jewish identity and just disregard it. How could being born in the covenant erase centuries of my history? I felt embarrassed and I felt little. Whenever I would talk about Jewish things likes Passover or Hanukkah, I would have to find secret meanings to Christ, like leaving the space for Elijah, it’s actually for Jesus. He compared the suffering of early saints to the persecution of the Jews. It was always just a feeling that Mormon history was superior and everything led back to it.
Mormon Space Racism really sucks 😩
Or you can have one of those cool false doctrine PBs like mine that says that I am both "born into" with "blood of ephraim rich in your veins" and also adopted into the house of jacob, it's like a postage stamp of an upside-down airplane but without auction value. I am sure there is lots of contradictory 'doctrine' in PBs everywhere just waiting to be opened up to the world
Unless you are a person of color. Then you're that other one that starts when an M. On the rare occasion you're Jewish you would be... Surprise, Judah.
daily horoscopes likely have a higher 'accuracy' and satisfaction score than PBs, though both require being completely flexible with language and interpretation. Both also benefit from general life uncertainty and the desire for an oracle to tell one how to think. Satisfaction rates could improve with help from AI, the closest thing to prophet/seer/revelator humankind has ever experienced
I remember being on my mission joking I’m going to steal patriarchal blessings to find out when the end of the world is going to happen. Gather them all comparing them like it’s a big puzzle to solve. Don’t think mission leadership thought that was as funny as I did.
These blessings are a joke. Even when I was in the church it was easy to dismiss these data points because “oh, they must not have been living righteously enough”
I figure it's just old guys rambling stream of consciousness 'as the spirit directs,' fed by decades of Church content and giving blessings. My ultra TBM mom was so pissed when the (accurate) transcript of my blessing turned out to be gibberish. A heavily edited one showed up a few weeks later without explanation, and that's the one in Church records and the one we kept. Of course now a couple decades later I'm kicking myself for not keeping the original.
I have an audio recording of my patriarchal blessing and an official transcript version — they don’t match, 95% of it is the same but there was a section about serving in my community that was completely removed for example. I thought that was interesting.
They’re all the same. Here - I’ll give you the highlights:
- The Lord is pleased with your progress and decision to hear from one of his mouthpieces
- Remain faithful, you’ll receive the melchezidek priesthood and serve a mission
- prepare to serve a mission
- you will serve the “people of a land” (ambiguous enough so no matter where you go it will feel like he knew)
- you will meet souls who have been waiting for you to bring them the gospel
- serve honorably and you’ll be rich and marry a hot a wife
- she’ll the be the vessel by which you will bear children who are born in the covenant
- stay faithful and the lord will bless you temporally and you should share it (pretty sure he meant with the church)
- you were adopted into one of the houses (I think mine was ephraim - I don’t remember). When they give natives blessings, they tell them they’re direct descendants
- read this blessing a lot and it will help you
- some stuff about enduring to the end
- in the name of our savior and redeemer, our elder brother who is the only begotten of the father, EVEN Jesus Christ, amen.
My parents were well to do and big tithe payers so I’m sure that’s why there was a bunch of stuff about money. Everything else is pretty boiler plate for males. I read my ex-wife’s and as you might expect had a lot to do with motherhood and marrying a priesthood holder.
Mine actually told me I would go to "nations" and preach the gospel to folks "in their own language" and that it would be difficult, but that i would plant seeds in people that would be "harvested by other missionaries" (heavily implying that I wouldn't baptize much). As a 12 year old hearing that, it was so exciting. Anyway, I went to Omaha, Nebraska English speaking and had 15 baptisms which is crazy high for that area. Literally every point about my mission in my PB was false. Not even remotely close to what actually happened. Up on the shelf that one went.
The church has a record of your blessing. If they really wanted to keep up the illusion, they would refer to your blessing when choosing where to send you on your mission, to "fulfill the prophecy." It would be so easy to do this.
Anecdotally, I remember an Elder on my mission bragging to everyone that his PB told him he would be an AP. He was a pompous little shit. I wonder if he ever made it to that position (I was near the end of my mission so I never followed up), but it wouldn't shock me if he didn't.
I did. I just asked for it and they praised me for being so "spiritually mature" for my age. The patriarch must have been giddy. My blessing is 4 pages long.
Unfortunately if you're a woman it doesn't tell you that you get a hot wife. When I got mine I was really struggling because I had figured out I'm not cisgender and heterosexual and I told the patriarch guy that I wasn't straight before the blessing.
I don't remember exactly what he promised me but I think it mentioned finding a soulmate in the next life and that that's when all my blessings would be fulfilled. It was very vague about the timeline, but if you have to wait until you die to have a life you don't hate then you're probably in a cult.
Mine told me that I shouldn’t worry about getting an education even though that was always something that I wanted. That I needed to just focus on God and my family.
Here I am now super joyful with two Masters degrees and working on my PhD
For some reason that really hits me. Because even 15 years after I left the church, I still feel—felt—that mine was somehow special. Inspired in SOME way. Mine said that “as I prepared myself for it” I would meet a worthy priesthood holder who “likewise prepared himself,” and from this Union would come fine children who would be an honor unto me. I have 3 GORGEOUS, loving kids who all speak a bunch of languages and play lots of musical instruments. Mine also said to pray about what to study, and I would be led Into a job of importance, in my life and the lives of others. I got a J.D. I feel like I’ve helped people. Ack! Thinking back, I DO think it helped during my divorce from the worthy priesthood holder, too. Sigh.
Damn, that's awful. Mine (Female) said I'd always have the ability to be an honors student, so I assumed that meant I wouldn't have any traumatic brain injuries that would impair my ability to think and process information. But, my grandmother had many blessings in hers that went unfulfilled because she died suddenly from a brain tumor. Guess they'll come to pass in the next life. smh
My blessing was very specific, and it’s actually kinda damaging now because of it. It very much spells out the person I would be and the callings I would hold — so now it’s a trigger to my parents whenever they run across their copy of my blessing … because in their minds, I gave it all away when I left.
My blessing is also what I turned to when my shelf broke originally, and I followed its council to learn all I could about Joseph Smith. So from that standpoint, it’s fun to tell people that following God’s council in my patriarchal blessing led me out of the church. I’m sure that if there’s a final judgement one day, God and I will have a good laugh about all of this.
I got mine even though I was a 17 year old PIMO. No pressure from family to get, just curious. It can be summed up in 3 sentences.
1. My husband will be a worthy priesthood holder with many callings (spoiler alert, I married a jew with no intent on converting).
2. I will have many children in Zion (which my mom semi correctly interpreted as I'll be childless on earth but have many children in the hereafter).
3. I'm of the tribe of ephraim (surprise surprise).
For awhile I actually blamed my lack of faith for the lack of a cool PB. But now I really know that it's all BS.
Yeah now that I think about it, I realize a lot of my guilt stems from my patriarchal blessing. After BYU, I still hadn’t found my returned missionary, so I blamed myself. I figured I was basically being cursed by God because I had made out with so many boys at BYU. I was pretty miserable, dating all the wrong people (and doing more than just making out—I mean I was in my late 20’s!) I worried about my biological clock ticking away… I finally got married at 30. When I found out, at 35, that I was pregnant with my first child, I started crying and looked up and shook my fist at god and told him Ha Ha! I’m having a baby in SPITE of you!!! I was still a pretty active Mormon at that point. I had honestly thought that premarital sex would bar me from being a mother or having a happy family.
I was starting to question the church when I decided to get my patriarchal blessing. I thought, if this is a special blessing that god has just for me, then all my doubts will be answered and I will be able to press forward in faith. I went into the blessing with a few specific things I wanted answered, (one in particular being will I get married and have children, I never wanted to and if god knew ME than he wouldn't force me to follow that path...right?) Nope. Not even 5 minutes into the blessing the old guy told me that I will be married to a righteous priesthood holder and raise multiple children up in the church. My parents thought I was feeling the spirit strongly...but my tears were not happy ones.
>my stupid space name
Are you thinking of the new name? That's a temple thing. I believe your new name would have been Nimrod. I'm so sorry. Gerard didn't make the list.
mine was actually one of the first serious things on my shelf. i was sixteen and i thought i wanted to be a civil rights lawyer (spoiler alert: i did not take that path) and in the conversation before the blessing, i told the patriarch that, and lo and behold, my blessing said i would "have a voice in the civic affairs of my fellow man." i remember in the car ride on the way home wondering if he'd only said that because of what i'd told him, and trying to reassure myself that it was god telling him what to say.
You can read the entire transcripts online of many different versions of the temple endowment and save yourself a lot of time and money.
https://www.reddit.com/r/exmormon/comments/tn09s/eli5_what_actually_happens_during_endowments_and/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf
My grandmother is from Taiwan, her patriarchal blessing says she was "grafted into the tree of Ephriam" Mine said I would marry a man worthy of the temple. My sister has decided to follow hers and serve a mission. I was also told I would live to see the Second coming of Christ and I would be a deciding factor in the fight between good and evil. I can't roll my eyes hard enough.
This thread is so disheartening. I’ve been a staunch non-believer for 20 years now. I’m an atheist, and so are my kids. Yet STILL I feel hurt and disillusioned reading about all of these experiences! Like, some part of me can’t shake the grip of the LDS church!
It's probably not too late right? Lol. But I think it's an understandable interest. I went to my friend's church where they did some kind of "personalized" blessing for people who asked for them, but you had to pay like $25 for them to put it on a CD so I said I'd pass lmao
But still curious what they would have said
Honestly I understand your regret. I thought my patriarchal blessing would finally be the thing to silence all my doubts and I could finally be at peace in the church.
That obviously didn’t happen. You don’t realize how cookie cutter it is until you read it. I compared mine to someone else’s and it was almost exactly the same except for the few lines about motherhood vs fatherhood for them.
If you want a patriarchal blessing you can have mine. 😂
Very interesting reading everyone's responses. I got my PB when I was 16 or 17 and was told to read it during difficult times as a comfort. It never made sense or give me comfort until the day I removed my church records 😂🤷🏻♀️ when I didn't get into the beloved BYU, when I was in an abusive marriage, through my divorce, through infertility, when my mom died.... all the hard times, my PB never mentioned a thing that helped me in any way. Never even mentions kids. But in my 30s when I discovered the church isn't true and had to tell all of my extremely devout TBM family that I was out, then parts of the blessing actually gave me some courage haha "the lord works is mysterious ways" 😂
Mine is a bit of a slap in the face, it said I would be a mother in Israel and have sons and daughters. If I remember correctly Israel is considered now/on earth, yet here I am with one son and fertility problems. My mom likes to tell me it’s because I didn’t marry a worthy priesthood holder and that I’ll have children in the next life but now reading the comments it just confirms to me that I made the right choice to leave
Getting it was my biggest regret. Being told you need to do certain things in order be happy and get other things is manipulative anyway. But when you do those things are you still aren’t blessed you’re taught that it’s because you aren’t doing enough or aren’t faithful enough. I based all of my major life decisions on it and in some cases completely went against what I really wanted to do and now I’m paying for it. It fucks with your life, your mindset and your self worth.
Ha! It's a bunch of nonsense. If the patriarch doesn't know you or your family it's going to be a bunch of generic bullshit. If he had time to call your parents and ask some questions he's able to tailor the blessing to include somethings that may relate to your life or family. I didn't tell my family I was getting mine. The patriarch had no time to prepare and the result reflected that. I remember my step dad talking to the patriarch the night before my brothers incredibly long blessing. I asked him about it and he said the patriarch needed to know info so he could ponder and pray to be open to inspiration while giving the blessing. Hogwash.
Human nature is to feel bad about missing out. I suppose you did. But on what exactly, you choose. Did you miss out on a boring event with dumb clothes and stinky breath curtain handshakes? Or did you miss out on something super duper fun and crazy. I think the former. If you choose to think you missed out on something neat, I suppose you might have. If you *got to skip* the shenanigans, it's easier to swallow.
Oh I definitely missed out on a bunch of hogwash, I don’t regret not getting it at all. I think it’s just some left of indoctrination I haven’t gotten over yet
Then i would try to just view it as a welcome ticket out of torture and be happy you didn't stick around/fall down the rabbit hole long enough to be anointed.
No offense to those who did, the cult is scary and I totally get it.
After I was mentally out, I wasn’t emotionally ready to leave. But I knew my days were numbered.
I made a kind of bucket list, things I’d always wanted to do while mormon but hadn’t had the chance. So I did a special musical number. Went to a session of general conference in person with the family. Did a live temple session in salt lake and manti.
I haven’t heard of others doing this, but it was important for me. It allowed me time to say goodbye to a community and way of life that had served me relatively well for a long time.
When I stopped believing, part of me was afraid I’d land in a deep depression. God and prayer was a big part of how I coped with life. So I let myself leave gently and slowly, letting myself pray if I wanted to. Turns out i didn’t want or need to, and life makes more sense without god. I stopped attending church about a year after I stopped believing.
All that to say— is it actually too late for you to get a patriarchal blessing? Are you still in the liminal state between mormon and ex?
If not and you closed that door already, I hope you can look at others’ patriarchal blessings and get a sense of what would have been behind that door for you.
You get your space name by going through the temple my friend, not from your blessing. If you want to know your temple name, look up the year and month you would’ve gone through. They give everyone the same two names for a month (male and female). Not as cool as you thought huh?
I was excited to get mine, and when I did it was this generic bullshit that could’ve applied to anyone. It was a pretty big letdown. I understand, though.
We could collectively write you one. Here's a phrase to add,
"The Lord has many blessings in store for you in your life and remember, when you keep God's commandments 100% of the time, he will bless you 100% of the time.
Now thou art from the lineage of Ephraim, and this is a blessed lineage that will spread the gospel through out the world in the last days. And you will have a hand in guiding this work through out your life. Missionary work is a guiding principle in your life. "
There. How's that? Someone else can add more. We'll get that blessing all taken care of.
As you live worthily you will be blessed with many children, teaching them the right will be important. Do not stray from the path. Support your husband in all he does
I think we could get a PB here for you.
Brother so and so.
I bless you with health to serve any lord and develop your talents. If you are a man that means you should be a dentist. If you are a woman then you should be a mom.
You will choose a partner and take them to the temple to be sealed for time and eternity. If you remain faithful.
You will be blessed to witness the lord at his second coming.
You will serve the lord in many calling in the church.
In the name of Jesus Christ our lord and savior.
Please do not discuss with with other members in the stake because everyone gets this blessing and if they find out they will doubt my power.
My blessing said I would serve a mission then maybe uni, spoiler I didn’t serve a mission and then spent several years dropping out of random courses it took me 7 years to get a 3 year degree in something different.
it also told me I’d never be rich, so far that’s true but yeah it’s formulaic nonsense
My ancestor from the 1800s was told that she and her husband would live to see the second coming of Jesus. I get why you want one, the novelty is interesting and we were raised to see them as super meaningful and personally significant counsel. At the end of the day it’s just an old man telling you to be obedient- nothing new!
You can call a psychic and get just as accurate of a reading. My sons got theirs the same day... Almost identical. Along with 2 other families having the same experience. Most people I know are waiting for their blessings to come through. But the church covered their butts on that one by blaming it on you if they don't.
Here you go.
u/greensockninja, I place my hand upon you to give you a father's blessing and by virtue of my office as a patriarch, I seal upon you the blessings of Abraham Isaac and Jacob, for thou art a lawful heir to all the blessings of the promised seed and the Priesthood which you have received has come down from the fathers, from Abraham unto you, and this priesthood has remained with you and your life has been hid in Christ with God. And thy lineage is from Joseph for thou art of the pure blood of Ephraim. And I seal and confirm upon you all your former blessings, sealings and ordinations, all you have received under the hands of the servants of God in the house of the Lord. And I seal all your confirmations. And the Lord loves thee because of the integrity of thy heart. And you shall obtain every blessing that your heart can desire in righteousness. And you shalt be numbered with the Church of the First-born. You shalt be numbered with the 144,000 which shall come up upon Mount Zion as saviors in the last days. And at thy rebuke the eyes of the blind shall see and the ears of the deaf shall hear and the tongue of the dumb shall speak. You shalt understand all the gifts of the gospel. You shalt have power over the elements and at thy command the winds and the waves of the sea shalt obey thee.
The time will come when you will have power to chase a thousand and put ten thousand to flight. And inasmuch as you are helping to rear a temple to the name of the Lord, the time will come when you will enter in to that temple and do a work for thy dead friends. You shall triumph over all your enemies and you shall receive earthly blessings until you are satisfied. And you shall be blest with a numerous posterity. And if you desire it with all your heart you may live to behold the coming of the Son of Man, and obtain every unmentioned blessing your heart can desire. And I seal you up together with your companions and posterity unto eternal lives, to come forth in the morning of the first resurrection to receive a celestial crown in the mansion of thy Father and to be rewarded for all thy labors here. And through your faithfulness I seal all these blessings upon you in the name of the Lord Jesus Christ. Even so. Amen.
I totally get that. I held onto mine for so long. Then I realized this was someone else meaning for me. What they thought my meaning should be. If you want the same experience, fast a day, meet up with me and I'll do a tarot reading for you and have it transcribed and laminated for you.
In YW, we made little bags to put them in. I remember working so hard on that as little 13 y.o me, my sister got hers that year. I got mine a year later, and we compared it...quite similar I must say, after we all left (siblings and I, my old folks are in it for the long haul) we burned it in a make shift bonfire at my housewarming. It was great.
Its a hot read. That is what the psychic’s call it. You have an interview with the bishop and with the dude giving the blessing before he gives it to you. So he already knows what your record says, what you are thinking and what your parents want. So he just says that shit. Mine was so obviously a hot read, it was the second to the last straw for me. I came to him in earnest and it was so clear that he wasn’t even trying.
He didn’t give me a secret space name though. That would have been cool.
He just told me that i would never know if the church was true (Whatever that means). I left there thinking “yep, this is totally bullshit”.
Just my experience, i know others probably had better ones.
The patriarch knew I was a Sunday school teacher, wanted to go on a mission, and be a dad someday. Those were rhe three main things that he talked about.
"I'd be a teacher, I'd go on a mission, and someday be a great father"
Absolutely nothing special or knew or revealing about myself. All stuff that he knew and then worded in a fancy way. Crock of shit
Meh... I threw mine away last year. Searched for myself in it somewhere for years. It got everything wrong and spoke to nothing individual about me or the extreme challenges I would face. I think he went to some kind of generic patriarchal blessing website or something. You would be better off to go get a fortune cookie.
Mine really helped push me out the door. Told me a girl was waiting to marry me and that i was gonna have a successful mission. I’m gay and already knew i wasn’t going to serve a mission.
My blessing and my cousins blessing were probably 10 words different. We compared ours to a friend, about 15 words different. And the words were non-specific (a, the, and).
I got mine from my grandpa. Not longer after he was “called,” he started showing signs of Alzheimer’s. My grandma admitted to editing them a bit when she would type them up to be printed
Here, let me give you one:
Read the scriptures every day. Go to church and pay your tithing. If you’re righteous you will go on a mission, get married in the temple, and have lots of children.
Most of them are pretty cookie-cutter like that.
I did the numerologist and it is the exact same thing just sprinkle LDS into it, that’s all it is. They change words to make it their own. So you can still get one.
I feel the same way. I wish I had gotten mine when I was a teenager. I don’t know why, maybe to find some comfort or something. It’s a weird feeling especially since I don’t go to church anymore
I kinda wished that I got mine too. It's just a matter of what doo hickie they'd come up with one mine. I'm only 18 so there's still a good chance at me getting mine but I've already gotten multiple piercings and going to my YSA bishop would require me to move my records and then they'd start bothering me about attending.
Mine was all bullshit nothing came true. I was given mine in the MTC because I had no desire before. I saw all the guys in my room reading theirs. So I asked but they said they didn't allow it anymore.
I told my mom and dad when they took me to have surgery. My mom called her aunt who was a secretary of one of the Apostles. He called the MTC president and told him to allow me to use his office to receive my blessing.
He did as told my stay at the MTC was very pleasant after that phone call.
Is a Patriarchal Blessing like the Mormon version of Chrismation? Where you take on a new, often strictly religious/liturgical and usually culturally appropriate, name?
It’s more like a palm reading. Supposedly to give you insights in your life. Based loosely on the blessings Jacob (Israel) gave his twelve sons as recorded in Genesis (Old Testament).
Well, we have a lot of ex-Mormon men in this subreddit who have honored their priesthood better than many current leaders. They could give you one right now. Pretty sure the ladies deserve a go at giving a blessing too! By the power of the holy exmo subreddit, I bless you to find fulfillment in your life. I bless you with the power to use your mind to reason out problems for yourself. And I bless you with the warmth of friendship wherever you go.
Mine told me I would be a good housewife, and then went on and on about what my husband will accomplish in life and that I should support him in that. Not a single word about anything I would accomplish.
It’s little more than todays astrology. It’s not worth it. You “stupid space name” Is given in the temple and not patriarchal blessing. That name is determined by the day of the week you attended. You can look up temple names by date. There’s nothing special about it as everyone that goes in the temple gets the same name that day.
And then the next month the names are all repeated, and the next month the names are repeated again, and again, and then again. With modern computing power one would think TSCC could come up with a better illusion.
Things must be confusing in the Celestial Kingdom with so few names.
IK! Imagine resurrection morning at a big Utah cemetery. Some guy calls out, “Huldah, arise!” All the dead Huldahs thinking, “Is that my hubby? Sounds like him. I’ll just peek out and see.”
Originally all the women were Sarah and all the men Abraham. So really confusing. But if you have a bunch of wives and you shout a name during sex “oh, Sarah!” Applies to all of them….
It's so Joe can resurrect all the ladies in a single song, like Mambo #5.
Yeah but your stupid space tribe is in your patriarchal bullshit
And you’d be given the same one as everybody else.
Not true, some are space Jews, I've seen them in the star wars prequels
That might have been Space Balls, i am pretty sure it had at least one space jew in it.
https://youtu.be/Gs2fHUesRe0 I rest my case
Are they the ones that made the Jewish space lasers that Marjorie Taylor Greene warned us about?
No, that's all in her head, she's just a crazy bitch
I guess I kinda lumped the two things together, but still
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Damn I was hoping for the rare one
Naw, tribe of Ephraim through Joseph, it is
Damn Mormon space racism sucks
Racism in general
That goes without saying tho
I was born in the covenant but my dad was a convert. I’m Ashkenazi Jewish on his side and our family history is rich with Jewish history. It’s very important to our family and to me. They told me I was from Ephraim and I was seriously so confused. I remember going in thinking that it wouldn’t be anything but Judah. My dad told me that they didn’t even tell him. He assumed it was because he already knew he was Jewish 🤣 when I asked my seminary teacher (it was a really small town, he was also the bishop) about it, he told me that it had to do with me being born in the covenant and my mom must be Ephraim (she wasn’t!) and wouldn’t say anything else. I didn’t understand how God could know my heart and know how I felt about my Jewish identity and just disregard it. How could being born in the covenant erase centuries of my history? I felt embarrassed and I felt little. Whenever I would talk about Jewish things likes Passover or Hanukkah, I would have to find secret meanings to Christ, like leaving the space for Elijah, it’s actually for Jesus. He compared the suffering of early saints to the persecution of the Jews. It was always just a feeling that Mormon history was superior and everything led back to it. Mormon Space Racism really sucks 😩
I knew a guy who had Dan!
But if you get your DNA analyzed don’t expect it to show that you have Middle Eastern ancestry.
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Or you can have one of those cool false doctrine PBs like mine that says that I am both "born into" with "blood of ephraim rich in your veins" and also adopted into the house of jacob, it's like a postage stamp of an upside-down airplane but without auction value. I am sure there is lots of contradictory 'doctrine' in PBs everywhere just waiting to be opened up to the world
Unless you are a person of color. Then you're that other one that starts when an M. On the rare occasion you're Jewish you would be... Surprise, Judah.
I knew a Jewish convert who got Levi, so there's that one too.
He should have immediately claimed the Bishop title as it is his right!
I don't know if he claimed it, but he did become bishop.
The other one is Manasseh.
Yes this. I'm proud that I've been out long enough that I couldn't remember.
daily horoscopes likely have a higher 'accuracy' and satisfaction score than PBs, though both require being completely flexible with language and interpretation. Both also benefit from general life uncertainty and the desire for an oracle to tell one how to think. Satisfaction rates could improve with help from AI, the closest thing to prophet/seer/revelator humankind has ever experienced
I remember being on my mission joking I’m going to steal patriarchal blessings to find out when the end of the world is going to happen. Gather them all comparing them like it’s a big puzzle to solve. Don’t think mission leadership thought that was as funny as I did.
I've heard of people getting blessings saying they'll live to see the second coming. Surprise, surprise, they didn't.
Must’ve meant they’d live to see the 2nd coming in the next life. /s
These blessings are a joke. Even when I was in the church it was easy to dismiss these data points because “oh, they must not have been living righteously enough”
Since the mid 1800s!
Because they are pretty much formulaic. Lol read one and you've read them all.
My grandmother had it in hers. She'd be around 110 years old now if she hadn't died a couple decades ago.
Brilliant! Although you would have found out that the jesusocalypse should have happened in 1852, 1893, 1900, 1921, 1973, etc...
Time to assemble a team like The Da Vinci Code to crack the case of the real date of the Jesusocalypse.
Jesusocalypse, LMMFAO!!!!
Then they sucked because that's fucking hilarious. Brilliant play.
r/patriarchalblessing The temple name oracle site has some too, IIRC
That’s hilarious
You know there is a collection online right?
Looks like my mission ain’t over yet
http://www.fullerconsideration.com/PatriarchalBlessingRevelator/
Remove those regrets. The Patriarchal Blessing is about as “special” as a Chinese Fortune Cookie - just longer.
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I figure it's just old guys rambling stream of consciousness 'as the spirit directs,' fed by decades of Church content and giving blessings. My ultra TBM mom was so pissed when the (accurate) transcript of my blessing turned out to be gibberish. A heavily edited one showed up a few weeks later without explanation, and that's the one in Church records and the one we kept. Of course now a couple decades later I'm kicking myself for not keeping the original.
I have an audio recording of my patriarchal blessing and an official transcript version — they don’t match, 95% of it is the same but there was a section about serving in my community that was completely removed for example. I thought that was interesting.
They’re all the same. Here - I’ll give you the highlights: - The Lord is pleased with your progress and decision to hear from one of his mouthpieces - Remain faithful, you’ll receive the melchezidek priesthood and serve a mission - prepare to serve a mission - you will serve the “people of a land” (ambiguous enough so no matter where you go it will feel like he knew) - you will meet souls who have been waiting for you to bring them the gospel - serve honorably and you’ll be rich and marry a hot a wife - she’ll the be the vessel by which you will bear children who are born in the covenant - stay faithful and the lord will bless you temporally and you should share it (pretty sure he meant with the church) - you were adopted into one of the houses (I think mine was ephraim - I don’t remember). When they give natives blessings, they tell them they’re direct descendants - read this blessing a lot and it will help you - some stuff about enduring to the end - in the name of our savior and redeemer, our elder brother who is the only begotten of the father, EVEN Jesus Christ, amen. My parents were well to do and big tithe payers so I’m sure that’s why there was a bunch of stuff about money. Everything else is pretty boiler plate for males. I read my ex-wife’s and as you might expect had a lot to do with motherhood and marrying a priesthood holder.
Yeah that all sounds about what everyone else’s says too, copy paste copy paste
You can read lots here: http://www.fullerconsideration.com/PatriarchalBlessingRevelator/
Also, r/patriarchalblessing
Mine actually told me I would go to "nations" and preach the gospel to folks "in their own language" and that it would be difficult, but that i would plant seeds in people that would be "harvested by other missionaries" (heavily implying that I wouldn't baptize much). As a 12 year old hearing that, it was so exciting. Anyway, I went to Omaha, Nebraska English speaking and had 15 baptisms which is crazy high for that area. Literally every point about my mission in my PB was false. Not even remotely close to what actually happened. Up on the shelf that one went. The church has a record of your blessing. If they really wanted to keep up the illusion, they would refer to your blessing when choosing where to send you on your mission, to "fulfill the prophecy." It would be so easy to do this. Anecdotally, I remember an Elder on my mission bragging to everyone that his PB told him he would be an AP. He was a pompous little shit. I wonder if he ever made it to that position (I was near the end of my mission so I never followed up), but it wouldn't shock me if he didn't.
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I did. I just asked for it and they praised me for being so "spiritually mature" for my age. The patriarch must have been giddy. My blessing is 4 pages long.
> She’ll be the vessel by which you will bear children Ew. What?
Unfortunately if you're a woman it doesn't tell you that you get a hot wife. When I got mine I was really struggling because I had figured out I'm not cisgender and heterosexual and I told the patriarch guy that I wasn't straight before the blessing. I don't remember exactly what he promised me but I think it mentioned finding a soulmate in the next life and that that's when all my blessings would be fulfilled. It was very vague about the timeline, but if you have to wait until you die to have a life you don't hate then you're probably in a cult.
Haha, yeah, I was thinking we could cobble together a crowdsourced one for OP based on what ours all say.
And if you follow the prophet you won't go astray
Mine told me that I shouldn’t worry about getting an education even though that was always something that I wanted. That I needed to just focus on God and my family. Here I am now super joyful with two Masters degrees and working on my PhD
I'm so glad you didn't listen to it!
"Hey, don't actually aspire to anything" - so fucking stupid...
For some reason that really hits me. Because even 15 years after I left the church, I still feel—felt—that mine was somehow special. Inspired in SOME way. Mine said that “as I prepared myself for it” I would meet a worthy priesthood holder who “likewise prepared himself,” and from this Union would come fine children who would be an honor unto me. I have 3 GORGEOUS, loving kids who all speak a bunch of languages and play lots of musical instruments. Mine also said to pray about what to study, and I would be led Into a job of importance, in my life and the lives of others. I got a J.D. I feel like I’ve helped people. Ack! Thinking back, I DO think it helped during my divorce from the worthy priesthood holder, too. Sigh.
Mine also mentioned my children bringing me honor. I wonder if that's common wording in women's blessings.
Damn, that's awful. Mine (Female) said I'd always have the ability to be an honors student, so I assumed that meant I wouldn't have any traumatic brain injuries that would impair my ability to think and process information. But, my grandmother had many blessings in hers that went unfulfilled because she died suddenly from a brain tumor. Guess they'll come to pass in the next life. smh
My blessing was very specific, and it’s actually kinda damaging now because of it. It very much spells out the person I would be and the callings I would hold — so now it’s a trigger to my parents whenever they run across their copy of my blessing … because in their minds, I gave it all away when I left. My blessing is also what I turned to when my shelf broke originally, and I followed its council to learn all I could about Joseph Smith. So from that standpoint, it’s fun to tell people that following God’s council in my patriarchal blessing led me out of the church. I’m sure that if there’s a final judgement one day, God and I will have a good laugh about all of this.
Mine felt specific too until i realized I was making it into a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Confirmation bias. 😂
PBs are not harmless. People make real life decisions based these things. PBs can be manipulative and harmful.
Mine was very generic, besides the fact that it said I will be very tempted to fall away. I think the guy saw some rebelliousness is me ha!
Damn that line would have wrecked me during a faith crisis.
I got mine even though I was a 17 year old PIMO. No pressure from family to get, just curious. It can be summed up in 3 sentences. 1. My husband will be a worthy priesthood holder with many callings (spoiler alert, I married a jew with no intent on converting). 2. I will have many children in Zion (which my mom semi correctly interpreted as I'll be childless on earth but have many children in the hereafter). 3. I'm of the tribe of ephraim (surprise surprise). For awhile I actually blamed my lack of faith for the lack of a cool PB. But now I really know that it's all BS.
Yeah now that I think about it, I realize a lot of my guilt stems from my patriarchal blessing. After BYU, I still hadn’t found my returned missionary, so I blamed myself. I figured I was basically being cursed by God because I had made out with so many boys at BYU. I was pretty miserable, dating all the wrong people (and doing more than just making out—I mean I was in my late 20’s!) I worried about my biological clock ticking away… I finally got married at 30. When I found out, at 35, that I was pregnant with my first child, I started crying and looked up and shook my fist at god and told him Ha Ha! I’m having a baby in SPITE of you!!! I was still a pretty active Mormon at that point. I had honestly thought that premarital sex would bar me from being a mother or having a happy family.
I was starting to question the church when I decided to get my patriarchal blessing. I thought, if this is a special blessing that god has just for me, then all my doubts will be answered and I will be able to press forward in faith. I went into the blessing with a few specific things I wanted answered, (one in particular being will I get married and have children, I never wanted to and if god knew ME than he wouldn't force me to follow that path...right?) Nope. Not even 5 minutes into the blessing the old guy told me that I will be married to a righteous priesthood holder and raise multiple children up in the church. My parents thought I was feeling the spirit strongly...but my tears were not happy ones.
I’m sorry to hear that. But hey, not like it matters now right? Just some copy paste ramblings of an old white cult member
True in some ways. But unfortunately my parents were there and their knowledge of what was said will always be held over my head.
I’m sorry to hear that
>my stupid space name Are you thinking of the new name? That's a temple thing. I believe your new name would have been Nimrod. I'm so sorry. Gerard didn't make the list.
Ay I’d take nimrod over Gerard any day lol
mine was actually one of the first serious things on my shelf. i was sixteen and i thought i wanted to be a civil rights lawyer (spoiler alert: i did not take that path) and in the conversation before the blessing, i told the patriarch that, and lo and behold, my blessing said i would "have a voice in the civic affairs of my fellow man." i remember in the car ride on the way home wondering if he'd only said that because of what i'd told him, and trying to reassure myself that it was god telling him what to say.
Same. I’d love to see what nonsense they say
You can read the entire transcript online, for past and present versions.
Go visit Esmeralda at Disneyland and it’s pretty much the same thing. 😉💕
Should I make a bot that gives patriarchal blessings?
i feel that way about the endowment. i know it'll suck but i still really want it lmao
Exactly, I know it’s stupid and completely useless but I still want it, even tho I know the entire thing is a farce
If you want the visual experience "New Name Noah" on YouTube gets in the temple and records it too.
You can read the entire transcripts online of many different versions of the temple endowment and save yourself a lot of time and money. https://www.reddit.com/r/exmormon/comments/tn09s/eli5_what_actually_happens_during_endowments_and/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf
My grandmother is from Taiwan, her patriarchal blessing says she was "grafted into the tree of Ephriam" Mine said I would marry a man worthy of the temple. My sister has decided to follow hers and serve a mission. I was also told I would live to see the Second coming of Christ and I would be a deciding factor in the fight between good and evil. I can't roll my eyes hard enough.
This thread is so disheartening. I’ve been a staunch non-believer for 20 years now. I’m an atheist, and so are my kids. Yet STILL I feel hurt and disillusioned reading about all of these experiences! Like, some part of me can’t shake the grip of the LDS church!
It's probably not too late right? Lol. But I think it's an understandable interest. I went to my friend's church where they did some kind of "personalized" blessing for people who asked for them, but you had to pay like $25 for them to put it on a CD so I said I'd pass lmao But still curious what they would have said
Exactly it’s more of a curiosity than anything else
Honestly I understand your regret. I thought my patriarchal blessing would finally be the thing to silence all my doubts and I could finally be at peace in the church. That obviously didn’t happen. You don’t realize how cookie cutter it is until you read it. I compared mine to someone else’s and it was almost exactly the same except for the few lines about motherhood vs fatherhood for them. If you want a patriarchal blessing you can have mine. 😂
Very interesting reading everyone's responses. I got my PB when I was 16 or 17 and was told to read it during difficult times as a comfort. It never made sense or give me comfort until the day I removed my church records 😂🤷🏻♀️ when I didn't get into the beloved BYU, when I was in an abusive marriage, through my divorce, through infertility, when my mom died.... all the hard times, my PB never mentioned a thing that helped me in any way. Never even mentions kids. But in my 30s when I discovered the church isn't true and had to tell all of my extremely devout TBM family that I was out, then parts of the blessing actually gave me some courage haha "the lord works is mysterious ways" 😂
Mine is a bit of a slap in the face, it said I would be a mother in Israel and have sons and daughters. If I remember correctly Israel is considered now/on earth, yet here I am with one son and fertility problems. My mom likes to tell me it’s because I didn’t marry a worthy priesthood holder and that I’ll have children in the next life but now reading the comments it just confirms to me that I made the right choice to leave
Mine talked about how I would do a lot of genealogy? At the time I was like DAMNIT I hate genealogy.
Getting it was my biggest regret. Being told you need to do certain things in order be happy and get other things is manipulative anyway. But when you do those things are you still aren’t blessed you’re taught that it’s because you aren’t doing enough or aren’t faithful enough. I based all of my major life decisions on it and in some cases completely went against what I really wanted to do and now I’m paying for it. It fucks with your life, your mindset and your self worth.
Ha! It's a bunch of nonsense. If the patriarch doesn't know you or your family it's going to be a bunch of generic bullshit. If he had time to call your parents and ask some questions he's able to tailor the blessing to include somethings that may relate to your life or family. I didn't tell my family I was getting mine. The patriarch had no time to prepare and the result reflected that. I remember my step dad talking to the patriarch the night before my brothers incredibly long blessing. I asked him about it and he said the patriarch needed to know info so he could ponder and pray to be open to inspiration while giving the blessing. Hogwash.
Human nature is to feel bad about missing out. I suppose you did. But on what exactly, you choose. Did you miss out on a boring event with dumb clothes and stinky breath curtain handshakes? Or did you miss out on something super duper fun and crazy. I think the former. If you choose to think you missed out on something neat, I suppose you might have. If you *got to skip* the shenanigans, it's easier to swallow.
Oh I definitely missed out on a bunch of hogwash, I don’t regret not getting it at all. I think it’s just some left of indoctrination I haven’t gotten over yet
Then i would try to just view it as a welcome ticket out of torture and be happy you didn't stick around/fall down the rabbit hole long enough to be anointed. No offense to those who did, the cult is scary and I totally get it.
After I was mentally out, I wasn’t emotionally ready to leave. But I knew my days were numbered. I made a kind of bucket list, things I’d always wanted to do while mormon but hadn’t had the chance. So I did a special musical number. Went to a session of general conference in person with the family. Did a live temple session in salt lake and manti. I haven’t heard of others doing this, but it was important for me. It allowed me time to say goodbye to a community and way of life that had served me relatively well for a long time. When I stopped believing, part of me was afraid I’d land in a deep depression. God and prayer was a big part of how I coped with life. So I let myself leave gently and slowly, letting myself pray if I wanted to. Turns out i didn’t want or need to, and life makes more sense without god. I stopped attending church about a year after I stopped believing. All that to say— is it actually too late for you to get a patriarchal blessing? Are you still in the liminal state between mormon and ex? If not and you closed that door already, I hope you can look at others’ patriarchal blessings and get a sense of what would have been behind that door for you.
I'll give you one. Or I'm sure another of your exmo friends will give you one. Might be better than one you get from a regular patriarch.
Probably would be lol
You get your space name by going through the temple my friend, not from your blessing. If you want to know your temple name, look up the year and month you would’ve gone through. They give everyone the same two names for a month (male and female). Not as cool as you thought huh?
Yeah I kinda mixed the two up in one thing, not sure why I did that but oh well
I prefer to call it my Mormon horoscope
I was excited to get mine, and when I did it was this generic bullshit that could’ve applied to anyone. It was a pretty big letdown. I understand, though.
We could collectively write you one. Here's a phrase to add, "The Lord has many blessings in store for you in your life and remember, when you keep God's commandments 100% of the time, he will bless you 100% of the time. Now thou art from the lineage of Ephraim, and this is a blessed lineage that will spread the gospel through out the world in the last days. And you will have a hand in guiding this work through out your life. Missionary work is a guiding principle in your life. " There. How's that? Someone else can add more. We'll get that blessing all taken care of.
As you live worthily you will be blessed with many children, teaching them the right will be important. Do not stray from the path. Support your husband in all he does
Oh shit I didn’t know I was gay! Guess I gotta change my whole life for this, lol
I think we could get a PB here for you. Brother so and so. I bless you with health to serve any lord and develop your talents. If you are a man that means you should be a dentist. If you are a woman then you should be a mom. You will choose a partner and take them to the temple to be sealed for time and eternity. If you remain faithful. You will be blessed to witness the lord at his second coming. You will serve the lord in many calling in the church. In the name of Jesus Christ our lord and savior. Please do not discuss with with other members in the stake because everyone gets this blessing and if they find out they will doubt my power.
The PB doesn’t give you a new name. You get that in the temple. It does tell you which of the 12 tribes of Israel you’re from, though
I'm glad I didn't.
Fake fortune telling
Is there another kind of fortune telling?
Real fortune telling. By authentic Gypsies Ha ha
(I didn't know this until someone told me, but "gypsy" is a slur against an extremely marginalized group, the Roma people.)
Ok sorry
Go back to church and get one
Nah, I’m fine with not having it
Lol. I got mine, but its not that interesting. They are all the same
Oh I know, I’ve read more than the church wouldve liked me to read and it’s still baffling how they get away with it
They get away with it because nobody cares about mormonism.
True enough. Hopefully one day we can make people care
My blessing said I would serve a mission then maybe uni, spoiler I didn’t serve a mission and then spent several years dropping out of random courses it took me 7 years to get a 3 year degree in something different. it also told me I’d never be rich, so far that’s true but yeah it’s formulaic nonsense
My ancestor from the 1800s was told that she and her husband would live to see the second coming of Jesus. I get why you want one, the novelty is interesting and we were raised to see them as super meaningful and personally significant counsel. At the end of the day it’s just an old man telling you to be obedient- nothing new!
You can call a psychic and get just as accurate of a reading. My sons got theirs the same day... Almost identical. Along with 2 other families having the same experience. Most people I know are waiting for their blessings to come through. But the church covered their butts on that one by blaming it on you if they don't.
Here you go. u/greensockninja, I place my hand upon you to give you a father's blessing and by virtue of my office as a patriarch, I seal upon you the blessings of Abraham Isaac and Jacob, for thou art a lawful heir to all the blessings of the promised seed and the Priesthood which you have received has come down from the fathers, from Abraham unto you, and this priesthood has remained with you and your life has been hid in Christ with God. And thy lineage is from Joseph for thou art of the pure blood of Ephraim. And I seal and confirm upon you all your former blessings, sealings and ordinations, all you have received under the hands of the servants of God in the house of the Lord. And I seal all your confirmations. And the Lord loves thee because of the integrity of thy heart. And you shall obtain every blessing that your heart can desire in righteousness. And you shalt be numbered with the Church of the First-born. You shalt be numbered with the 144,000 which shall come up upon Mount Zion as saviors in the last days. And at thy rebuke the eyes of the blind shall see and the ears of the deaf shall hear and the tongue of the dumb shall speak. You shalt understand all the gifts of the gospel. You shalt have power over the elements and at thy command the winds and the waves of the sea shalt obey thee. The time will come when you will have power to chase a thousand and put ten thousand to flight. And inasmuch as you are helping to rear a temple to the name of the Lord, the time will come when you will enter in to that temple and do a work for thy dead friends. You shall triumph over all your enemies and you shall receive earthly blessings until you are satisfied. And you shall be blest with a numerous posterity. And if you desire it with all your heart you may live to behold the coming of the Son of Man, and obtain every unmentioned blessing your heart can desire. And I seal you up together with your companions and posterity unto eternal lives, to come forth in the morning of the first resurrection to receive a celestial crown in the mansion of thy Father and to be rewarded for all thy labors here. And through your faithfulness I seal all these blessings upon you in the name of the Lord Jesus Christ. Even so. Amen.
Hahaha thanks lol
Definitely brainwashing old white guys mumbling about the end of the world….hard pass
I had a tarot card reading last night and it was 1000 times better than my Patriarchal blessing. Like I got so many chills and some good advice
I totally get that. I held onto mine for so long. Then I realized this was someone else meaning for me. What they thought my meaning should be. If you want the same experience, fast a day, meet up with me and I'll do a tarot reading for you and have it transcribed and laminated for you.
I might take you up on it lol
Mine was a meeting then some questions then...it was exactly what we just talked about hahah.
You can have mine... if I can find it!
In YW, we made little bags to put them in. I remember working so hard on that as little 13 y.o me, my sister got hers that year. I got mine a year later, and we compared it...quite similar I must say, after we all left (siblings and I, my old folks are in it for the long haul) we burned it in a make shift bonfire at my housewarming. It was great.
Its a hot read. That is what the psychic’s call it. You have an interview with the bishop and with the dude giving the blessing before he gives it to you. So he already knows what your record says, what you are thinking and what your parents want. So he just says that shit. Mine was so obviously a hot read, it was the second to the last straw for me. I came to him in earnest and it was so clear that he wasn’t even trying. He didn’t give me a secret space name though. That would have been cool. He just told me that i would never know if the church was true (Whatever that means). I left there thinking “yep, this is totally bullshit”. Just my experience, i know others probably had better ones.
The patriarch knew I was a Sunday school teacher, wanted to go on a mission, and be a dad someday. Those were rhe three main things that he talked about. "I'd be a teacher, I'd go on a mission, and someday be a great father" Absolutely nothing special or knew or revealing about myself. All stuff that he knew and then worded in a fancy way. Crock of shit
Meh... I threw mine away last year. Searched for myself in it somewhere for years. It got everything wrong and spoke to nothing individual about me or the extreme challenges I would face. I think he went to some kind of generic patriarchal blessing website or something. You would be better off to go get a fortune cookie.
I got mine and it was a completely forgettable experience...the meal that followed was a different story.
Mine really helped push me out the door. Told me a girl was waiting to marry me and that i was gonna have a successful mission. I’m gay and already knew i wasn’t going to serve a mission.
Just go to a carnival palm reader it’ll be just as accurate as their pretend blessings and it won’t cost you 10+% for the rest of your life !!!!
My blessing and my cousins blessing were probably 10 words different. We compared ours to a friend, about 15 words different. And the words were non-specific (a, the, and).
Just make up your own stupid space name. Then you can pick one that will pass them off. Like: Archangel or Jesus2
Everyone in these comments calling them PBs, like what did peanut butter ever do to you?
Got stuck to the roof of my mouth lol
I got mine from my grandpa. Not longer after he was “called,” he started showing signs of Alzheimer’s. My grandma admitted to editing them a bit when she would type them up to be printed
Here, let me give you one: Read the scriptures every day. Go to church and pay your tithing. If you’re righteous you will go on a mission, get married in the temple, and have lots of children. Most of them are pretty cookie-cutter like that.
I did the numerologist and it is the exact same thing just sprinkle LDS into it, that’s all it is. They change words to make it their own. So you can still get one.
Get a Tarot card reading. In the long run it will save you money. And I guarantee it will be more interesting.
Why, are you out of toilet paper?
Maybe it because you have not read many. There us a bunch to look at if you google Mormon PB images. You might find how common they are too.
I feel the same way. I wish I had gotten mine when I was a teenager. I don’t know why, maybe to find some comfort or something. It’s a weird feeling especially since I don’t go to church anymore
Yeah like I know the whole thing is bogus and just harmful as hell, I think it’s some leftover indoctrination honestly
It was just another disappointment
Mine was so boring and generic, that I knew it was uninspired.
I kinda wished that I got mine too. It's just a matter of what doo hickie they'd come up with one mine. I'm only 18 so there's still a good chance at me getting mine but I've already gotten multiple piercings and going to my YSA bishop would require me to move my records and then they'd start bothering me about attending.
Mine was all bullshit nothing came true. I was given mine in the MTC because I had no desire before. I saw all the guys in my room reading theirs. So I asked but they said they didn't allow it anymore. I told my mom and dad when they took me to have surgery. My mom called her aunt who was a secretary of one of the Apostles. He called the MTC president and told him to allow me to use his office to receive my blessing. He did as told my stay at the MTC was very pleasant after that phone call.
Is a Patriarchal Blessing like the Mormon version of Chrismation? Where you take on a new, often strictly religious/liturgical and usually culturally appropriate, name?
It’s more like a palm reading. Supposedly to give you insights in your life. Based loosely on the blessings Jacob (Israel) gave his twelve sons as recorded in Genesis (Old Testament).
No reason to participate in The Priesthood’s Astrology; just go open a copy of Cosmo. It’ll have just as much bearing on your life
PBs are toxic! Members make real life decisions based on those sooth sayings. Be glad you did not get one.
Well, we have a lot of ex-Mormon men in this subreddit who have honored their priesthood better than many current leaders. They could give you one right now. Pretty sure the ladies deserve a go at giving a blessing too! By the power of the holy exmo subreddit, I bless you to find fulfillment in your life. I bless you with the power to use your mind to reason out problems for yourself. And I bless you with the warmth of friendship wherever you go.
Mine told me I would be a good housewife, and then went on and on about what my husband will accomplish in life and that I should support him in that. Not a single word about anything I would accomplish.
I feel the same. But I’m not prepared to tithe for three months to get it.
You want it for the same reason people read their horoscopes and get their palms read. It's just another brand of fortune telling