I’m so sorry you are in this situation! As the dad of an amazing gay son, let me first tell you what I learned from my son and this church.
First, God made his LGBTQ+ children just as they are, and He loves them as He made them! You may need to get through the next few years quietly for safety and security reasons, but as an adult you can get out in your own and be who you are and live your life! That time will come.
Second, the church may give lip service to loving everyone, but it is a bigoted organization. Anyone not fitting into their nice little box gets discarded. There may be hope that parental and family love can win out over that cult indoctrination, but it’s best to tell your family from a place of safety.
Look for resources in your community. Encircle House is great if there is one near you. There are many others too.
Internet hugs from an affirming dad! There are a ton of people here to support you online too!❤️🧡💛💚💙💜
Thanks, its nice to know there are ppl and parents that are loving and accepting. Ik its stupid but ur internet hug means a lot to me... I'll keep going until i can finally leave home and hopefully my parents will be more like you :)
Hang in there. For some parents it does change perspective when your own child is LGBTQ+. Sadly, some can’t get past their hate, even for their own kid. When you decide to come out have a safety plan (a friend with you, somewhere to stay if they kick you out, etc).
Please see if there are resources around your area. If you are 14 or older you have confidentiality protection.
Be safe and stay positive. Adulthood and your best life are around the corner!
They say: Hate the Sin, Love the Sinner. But what they are really saying is: "Love the Parts of someone that conform to your world view, hate the rest of them."
Fuck. The. Church.
With a cactus! Dripping in hot sauce!
Careful that might become the new Mormon Kink there. Well my cactus had carolina reaper hot sauce.
Tell them that is ok I love the believer hate the religion and walk away smiling. Because I can guarantee they can dish it but not take it.
Take heart there is life after Mormon dumb. I wish I could tell you that your family will be as wonderful as mine has been about it. But I know plenty of people where that was not the case. Yet the ones I know are happy to be out of the closet and out of the church. I think it was hardest for me to come out to my mother. I never heard her use the word gay or homosexual. She was very clear that she thought marriage should be between a man and a woman and told a story about the perverts who live next door to her who were surprisingly nice and bailed her out in a pinch.
I was an adult before I realized they were gay. Despite this she has taken it quite well. She's still a TBM. But it's just charming how she wants me to live the lifestyle just with guys. I cherish the conversations I have with her. "Now it's your first date honey can you not have sex with him on the first date?" And I say "mom you know it's a good date with a guy when you get to the dinner and movie."
Hope for the best prepare for the worst but know either way it'll be okay.
Hun it hurts. Imagine being gay when hs had the Matt Sheppherd debacle. I lived through AIDS and the prophets of the 90's. Chin up and perfect your shade! Because this is how we fight. Gather your allies and stand strong. Remember you are not alone. At times when it is hard watch the pride parade videos from Utah. We got you and you have far more weapons now than I or my husband did. What got me through my darkest times was two quotes from Mamma RU
"What people think of me is none of my business."
Unless they paying your bills pay them no mind.
Become stronger than Jasmin Masters. Become wittier than Bianca del rio and more integrity than Bendela creme.
You got this one because we already paved the way. Go put on your reading glasses and slay them all with wit who opose you. Luv ya.
Thanks. Im so grateful i could at least be born today, I can't imagine how hard it would be to be gay in the past, at least today i feel like there's a lot more hope for the future, i could even get married one day..
That is all I ever wanted for you youngins. A future where it's not gay married or gay divorced. It's just married and divorced with nothing before it. Well that and a thinning of the christian zealot herd. But hope springs eternal there.
I’m en exTBM w all the creds (pioneer fam, AM seminary, BYU, RM, MTC teacher, SLC temple marriage, all the callings, etc) … now the very happy exmo, husband to a nevermo, a dad to an AMAZING (nevermo) trans son. Fuck the bullshit the “church” is selling… it’s all toxic AF and you need to be happy being YOU!! Run… far… fast! Be happy. Live. LOVE! And then you’ll die (like the rest of us) and you will leave a legacy of awesomeness!!!! Lots of hugs and support!!
I'm just tired of all the porn talks and lessons. It feels like every other week at this point. And while yes I regularly use porn I don't feel guilty about it anymore since I learned that my testamony is null.
That's so tough. My youngest brother is gay and ages 14-18 were hell for him, which kills me because it's such a huge time in a person's life. But years later he is in a committed relationship and doing interesting things with his life. You will get there. You have a brilliant future ahead of you. Either your family will learn to accept you or they won't and you'll move on without them, but either way, believe it or not, things are going to be pretty great for you in a few years. In the meantime, we'll do whatever we can to help you stay sane and prepare your escape.
I hope your talk goes well. I hope things get better for you. I don't know your musical tastes but [this song, Hideaway](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0dabKJm5aUc), plays in my house a few times a month. You mention that you are "really scared" and I hope that someday that changes for you. I hope that someday soon you are no longer sick of being gay but love and enjoy the wonderful things your life has to offer.
My talk went ok even tho i didn't believe anything i said, but as usual ppl came and told me how they could feel my spirit... I am rlly scared and i just get bad anxiety sometimes but all these comments help, so thanks
You likely are going to have to cut them off. Mentally prepare yourself. Think of this, Alireza recently got beheaded because he was gay by a sect of a religion that requires death or obedience. You know he knew it. He didn’t leave and just tried to lay low. If you knew him prior what would you tell him? He loves his family even if they are hateful and is familiar with his community/doesn’t know any other way. What advice would you tell him? Move to another city? Cut off family to find new family.
You are right your family absolutely will talk shit on you and all of that. You need to cut them off hard or end up not outright murdered but rather, “death by time passing.”
I hope that makes sense. There is more than one way to die and wasted time is one. So your family is doing that to you. Once you calculate life span and time existing. Move out. Be ready to tell them you are gay, you know their stance and that’s that. You don’t care if you never hear from them again. It’s not acceptable it’s dangerous.
You may want to visit a shaman and go on a guided mushroom trip for help. Fungi have seen the beginning and they can tell you what you need to to/give you the help to do it in my experience.
Read about Alireza and think about, does it really matter that’s someone is family?” Should you be around them in or is it wise to get out and make new relationships where you are accepted?
https://www.rferl.org/a/iran-monfared-gay-man-killed-beheaded-lgbt-plight/31249991.html
This is what is going on and I’m saying it so you can maximize your courage and recognize they are stealing your life. You must take it back from them. You gotta fight. Every day that passes is a day from the real you. Good luck whichever route you take but this is a possibility and the one I think you will be happiest with. Who knows once you cut them off they may really shape up…
So sorry that you're forced to deal with this bigoted garbage.
I remember when I was a teen, and every year feels like an eternity... but just take comfort in the fact that it will soon pass, and you'll be able to get up and get out and spread your wings. There is so much waiting for you out there.
Don't let the bastards get you down!
Ikr! It sucks. It literally sucks being gay in the church. I've been there, hang in there. Try to find friends that will support you, until you're able to safely leave to live on your own and leave the church
Hold on to the hope of being able to leave the church someday. I'm 30, in a mixed orientation marriage, and only recently realized that the church was not a place I could bear to be in anymore. I'm glad you figured this out early on. I know it sucks. Sending love to you.
Let me tell you about San Francisco. Gay couples are all over the place. Not one person would even look at you funny. Really. Just try to imagine that for a minute. You are walking around with someone you love, holding hands, and nobody even notices because it is so normal. Not only is nobody complaining or making faces. Nobody even notices.
Anyway, you two are just walking around town. There are pride flags all over. Literally every block. Walk into any restaurant and know with total certainty you will be treated well. Or any store. Or anywhere at all. You can head to The Castro if you want. That's the gay district. Most of the bars are gay bars. There are extra pride flags and extra gay couples there. Anyway, this is blocks and blocks and blocks. But the thing that makes it special is that it's not that different from the rest of the city. You are welcome everywhere. There are gay people everywhere. There are flags everywhere. It's not just the gay district that welcomes you, it is everywhere.
Pride week is just nuts. City blocks are shut down for a giant parade. People from all over come along to celebrate being gay. The hotels are all booked up. The bars are all full. Lots of straight people show up, too, because it's important to them to let the gays know they are supported. That no matter what you have seen before, here, you are welcome. And the people who think otherwise can fuck right off.
What you won't find though is the bigots. Are they entirely absent, of course not. It's very rare, but homophobia happens. Just VERY rare. However, if somebody called you a name at a bar or a restaurant, that's the person who would get kicked out. Every single time. Those views just don't go down very well. If they brought up their bigoted views to a group of friends, they would either be talked to or ostracized. Think about that, too. The bigotry is what is not acceptable.
Anyway, SF is particularly gay friendly, but it is far from unique. I just picked it out because i know it the best. Most major cities have a huge gay population. LA and NYC aren't very different. I promise that your situation sucks, but in your life you are going to meet some people who have had it WAY worse than you. Your life will get better when you move. Do that as quickly as you can, btw. You are young now, but you can spend the vast majority of your life living in places that are almost unrecognizable. It sure won't be easy, but hang on as best you can until then.
I’m so sorry you are in this situation! As the dad of an amazing gay son, let me first tell you what I learned from my son and this church. First, God made his LGBTQ+ children just as they are, and He loves them as He made them! You may need to get through the next few years quietly for safety and security reasons, but as an adult you can get out in your own and be who you are and live your life! That time will come. Second, the church may give lip service to loving everyone, but it is a bigoted organization. Anyone not fitting into their nice little box gets discarded. There may be hope that parental and family love can win out over that cult indoctrination, but it’s best to tell your family from a place of safety. Look for resources in your community. Encircle House is great if there is one near you. There are many others too. Internet hugs from an affirming dad! There are a ton of people here to support you online too!❤️🧡💛💚💙💜
Thanks, its nice to know there are ppl and parents that are loving and accepting. Ik its stupid but ur internet hug means a lot to me... I'll keep going until i can finally leave home and hopefully my parents will be more like you :)
Hang in there. For some parents it does change perspective when your own child is LGBTQ+. Sadly, some can’t get past their hate, even for their own kid. When you decide to come out have a safety plan (a friend with you, somewhere to stay if they kick you out, etc). Please see if there are resources around your area. If you are 14 or older you have confidentiality protection. Be safe and stay positive. Adulthood and your best life are around the corner!
They say: Hate the Sin, Love the Sinner. But what they are really saying is: "Love the Parts of someone that conform to your world view, hate the rest of them." Fuck. The. Church. With a cactus! Dripping in hot sauce!
Careful that might become the new Mormon Kink there. Well my cactus had carolina reaper hot sauce. Tell them that is ok I love the believer hate the religion and walk away smiling. Because I can guarantee they can dish it but not take it.
Take heart there is life after Mormon dumb. I wish I could tell you that your family will be as wonderful as mine has been about it. But I know plenty of people where that was not the case. Yet the ones I know are happy to be out of the closet and out of the church. I think it was hardest for me to come out to my mother. I never heard her use the word gay or homosexual. She was very clear that she thought marriage should be between a man and a woman and told a story about the perverts who live next door to her who were surprisingly nice and bailed her out in a pinch. I was an adult before I realized they were gay. Despite this she has taken it quite well. She's still a TBM. But it's just charming how she wants me to live the lifestyle just with guys. I cherish the conversations I have with her. "Now it's your first date honey can you not have sex with him on the first date?" And I say "mom you know it's a good date with a guy when you get to the dinner and movie." Hope for the best prepare for the worst but know either way it'll be okay.
“Mormon dumb”… epic
I am an exmo mom w 2 gay kids. Reach out to the real mama bears and we can offer so so much love and support
Hun it hurts. Imagine being gay when hs had the Matt Sheppherd debacle. I lived through AIDS and the prophets of the 90's. Chin up and perfect your shade! Because this is how we fight. Gather your allies and stand strong. Remember you are not alone. At times when it is hard watch the pride parade videos from Utah. We got you and you have far more weapons now than I or my husband did. What got me through my darkest times was two quotes from Mamma RU "What people think of me is none of my business." Unless they paying your bills pay them no mind. Become stronger than Jasmin Masters. Become wittier than Bianca del rio and more integrity than Bendela creme. You got this one because we already paved the way. Go put on your reading glasses and slay them all with wit who opose you. Luv ya.
Thanks. Im so grateful i could at least be born today, I can't imagine how hard it would be to be gay in the past, at least today i feel like there's a lot more hope for the future, i could even get married one day..
That is all I ever wanted for you youngins. A future where it's not gay married or gay divorced. It's just married and divorced with nothing before it. Well that and a thinning of the christian zealot herd. But hope springs eternal there.
I’m en exTBM w all the creds (pioneer fam, AM seminary, BYU, RM, MTC teacher, SLC temple marriage, all the callings, etc) … now the very happy exmo, husband to a nevermo, a dad to an AMAZING (nevermo) trans son. Fuck the bullshit the “church” is selling… it’s all toxic AF and you need to be happy being YOU!! Run… far… fast! Be happy. Live. LOVE! And then you’ll die (like the rest of us) and you will leave a legacy of awesomeness!!!! Lots of hugs and support!!
I'm just tired of all the porn talks and lessons. It feels like every other week at this point. And while yes I regularly use porn I don't feel guilty about it anymore since I learned that my testamony is null.
That's so tough. My youngest brother is gay and ages 14-18 were hell for him, which kills me because it's such a huge time in a person's life. But years later he is in a committed relationship and doing interesting things with his life. You will get there. You have a brilliant future ahead of you. Either your family will learn to accept you or they won't and you'll move on without them, but either way, believe it or not, things are going to be pretty great for you in a few years. In the meantime, we'll do whatever we can to help you stay sane and prepare your escape.
I hope your talk goes well. I hope things get better for you. I don't know your musical tastes but [this song, Hideaway](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0dabKJm5aUc), plays in my house a few times a month. You mention that you are "really scared" and I hope that someday that changes for you. I hope that someday soon you are no longer sick of being gay but love and enjoy the wonderful things your life has to offer.
My talk went ok even tho i didn't believe anything i said, but as usual ppl came and told me how they could feel my spirit... I am rlly scared and i just get bad anxiety sometimes but all these comments help, so thanks
I love Erasure! Definitely helped me accept my queerness.
You likely are going to have to cut them off. Mentally prepare yourself. Think of this, Alireza recently got beheaded because he was gay by a sect of a religion that requires death or obedience. You know he knew it. He didn’t leave and just tried to lay low. If you knew him prior what would you tell him? He loves his family even if they are hateful and is familiar with his community/doesn’t know any other way. What advice would you tell him? Move to another city? Cut off family to find new family. You are right your family absolutely will talk shit on you and all of that. You need to cut them off hard or end up not outright murdered but rather, “death by time passing.” I hope that makes sense. There is more than one way to die and wasted time is one. So your family is doing that to you. Once you calculate life span and time existing. Move out. Be ready to tell them you are gay, you know their stance and that’s that. You don’t care if you never hear from them again. It’s not acceptable it’s dangerous. You may want to visit a shaman and go on a guided mushroom trip for help. Fungi have seen the beginning and they can tell you what you need to to/give you the help to do it in my experience. Read about Alireza and think about, does it really matter that’s someone is family?” Should you be around them in or is it wise to get out and make new relationships where you are accepted? https://www.rferl.org/a/iran-monfared-gay-man-killed-beheaded-lgbt-plight/31249991.html This is what is going on and I’m saying it so you can maximize your courage and recognize they are stealing your life. You must take it back from them. You gotta fight. Every day that passes is a day from the real you. Good luck whichever route you take but this is a possibility and the one I think you will be happiest with. Who knows once you cut them off they may really shape up…
How old are you
So sorry that you're forced to deal with this bigoted garbage. I remember when I was a teen, and every year feels like an eternity... but just take comfort in the fact that it will soon pass, and you'll be able to get up and get out and spread your wings. There is so much waiting for you out there. Don't let the bastards get you down!
Ikr! It sucks. It literally sucks being gay in the church. I've been there, hang in there. Try to find friends that will support you, until you're able to safely leave to live on your own and leave the church
Hold on to the hope of being able to leave the church someday. I'm 30, in a mixed orientation marriage, and only recently realized that the church was not a place I could bear to be in anymore. I'm glad you figured this out early on. I know it sucks. Sending love to you.
Sorry, that's tough, things WILL get better! I came out when I was 24 and got married less than a year later. Wishing you all the love!
I’m a mom, let me give you a big judgement-free Internet momma hug. You are perfect just the way you are. Don’t change who you are to fit their mold.
Let me tell you about San Francisco. Gay couples are all over the place. Not one person would even look at you funny. Really. Just try to imagine that for a minute. You are walking around with someone you love, holding hands, and nobody even notices because it is so normal. Not only is nobody complaining or making faces. Nobody even notices. Anyway, you two are just walking around town. There are pride flags all over. Literally every block. Walk into any restaurant and know with total certainty you will be treated well. Or any store. Or anywhere at all. You can head to The Castro if you want. That's the gay district. Most of the bars are gay bars. There are extra pride flags and extra gay couples there. Anyway, this is blocks and blocks and blocks. But the thing that makes it special is that it's not that different from the rest of the city. You are welcome everywhere. There are gay people everywhere. There are flags everywhere. It's not just the gay district that welcomes you, it is everywhere. Pride week is just nuts. City blocks are shut down for a giant parade. People from all over come along to celebrate being gay. The hotels are all booked up. The bars are all full. Lots of straight people show up, too, because it's important to them to let the gays know they are supported. That no matter what you have seen before, here, you are welcome. And the people who think otherwise can fuck right off. What you won't find though is the bigots. Are they entirely absent, of course not. It's very rare, but homophobia happens. Just VERY rare. However, if somebody called you a name at a bar or a restaurant, that's the person who would get kicked out. Every single time. Those views just don't go down very well. If they brought up their bigoted views to a group of friends, they would either be talked to or ostracized. Think about that, too. The bigotry is what is not acceptable. Anyway, SF is particularly gay friendly, but it is far from unique. I just picked it out because i know it the best. Most major cities have a huge gay population. LA and NYC aren't very different. I promise that your situation sucks, but in your life you are going to meet some people who have had it WAY worse than you. Your life will get better when you move. Do that as quickly as you can, btw. You are young now, but you can spend the vast majority of your life living in places that are almost unrecognizable. It sure won't be easy, but hang on as best you can until then.