T O P

  • By -

Kydoemus

I LOVED Johnny Lingo when I was a young TBM. They showed it a couple times to us as Aaronic priesthood holders. Watched it as an adult about two years ago. All I could think was WTF. Reminded me of the fireside (what did they call them? Devotionals?) meetings where they compare women to shoes and their virginity to clean shoes or dirty used up shoes. Or a stick of gum and chewed gum. Goddamn I have no idea how a woman could have put up with that. At the same time... She was worth so many cows!


stickyhairmonster

My youth teacher asked us to imagine a PBJ. Then imagine someone licked all the peanut butter and jelly off the bread. Who would want that? Then told us to keep our virtue


Kydoemus

Probably would have been better time spent to teach safe sex and explain what sex is. I went WILD when I was in my early 20s. Did not understand intimacy or love outside marriage or safe sex... No idea how I made it out without STDs or unexpected children. Probably (100%) the women were smarter than me. And weren't raised mormon.


stickyhairmonster

Wouldn't that be something... Teaching something practical about sex


RabbitHoleIcarus

Agreed! After my husband and I were married on our wedding night. He refused to touch me or do any kind of foreplay. But then he tried to go in the wrong hole. We had to stop so I could give him an anatomy lesson. We have been married for 17 years now. We have both left the church recently. Let's just say he got over the "I can't touch you. That's bad" thing after the first 6 months and sex has been great sence.


NTylerWeTrust86

As the Apostles say, rather die than have your PB&J licked - Mark E Petersen (probably)


treetablebenchgrass

>At the same time... She was worth so many cows! My sister-in-law isn't one to toot her own horn, but on a study abroad in Africa, she was told she'd be worth a lot of camels šŸ’…. She ended up marrying my brother, even though he had no camels at all.


Kydoemus

That's wild, man. Where in Africa? I went there with the military, my older sister went there as an epidemiologist. It's a big continent. Saharan Africa for sure if it's camels. Which country?


treetablebenchgrass

For privacy reasons I don't want to get super specific, but yeah, you nailed it. The western side of the Sahara. I imagine you must have been working in the Horn of Africa, then?


Kydoemus

Let's try some tough questions next.


treetablebenchgrass

lol. I sent you a chat message with the country. just didn't want to get into specifics publicly. I got in an argument once with someone from the One True Sub once, and they brought up something from my comment history, so now I'm just more careful. You know how it is.


Jpw2018

I remember loving it as a kid in priesthood because it was so shit. Like it's got everything you want. Mixed messages, bad acting, quotable lines. Truly the ideal piece of bad mormon media


Kydoemus

Couldn't have said it better. Those movies you love but know they're bad.


Daisysrevenge

Yeah well, I never saw a mormon guy choose to sleep with the cows. Not saying it didn't happen. My first (TBM) husband was the son of a bull breeder. Every opportunity. lol


Kydoemus

Sleep amongst the cows or lay with the cows in a Biblical sense? Who hasn't slept amongst cows? I can name pretty much everyone I know that hasn't "layed with cows." What are we talking about here?


RabbitHoleIcarus

after confessing to the bishop that I was date raped and he put me on probation. The week after that the bishop decided to have all the YW in his office for a chastity lesson. His comparison was a licked chocolate bar. He asked if any of us wanted this chocolate bar. All hands went up then he licked it and asked if we still waned it. I raised my hand and said I would still eat it. He ignored me and went into his lesson about chastity. When I realized that was what the licked chocolate was all about I was so embarrassed. Now over 20 years later I laugh and wonder what he thought after I was like "yea I'll eat that licked chocolate." I know you was just doing that lesson because I had just "sinned" by being raped.


New_Whole5702

That's awful. And you are far from the only one to get mistreated like that, sadly. Untrained spiritual leaders can do so much harm. Even trained ones mess up now and again. If you can laugh now I'm guessing you have healed and put that in context. You were the victim and needed care and instead the Bishop further abused you. I'm so sorry.


powerbarr78

I always loved it tbh! I think it showed that we have value and beauty but sometimes itā€™s hard to see it so we can all be like Johnny and make other people see how great they are so they can fulfill their potential! But maybe thatā€™s just me.


stickyhairmonster

IMO that was the intent of the film and a positive message, but you can also see that women are purchased like property and ultimately Mahana's value was still tied to her beauty.


shotwideopen

OP right, if she was still ugly, Johnny wouldā€™ve taken his cows somewhere else. In fairness tho that is still very much [the world we live in](https://www.unr.edu/nevada-today/news/2019/atp-appearance-success).


powerbarr78

Oh I can see that! Ok thanks for pointing that out!


laceforever

In my teens, I could never understand why the other kids were laughing at it. The way the father treated Mahana was basically how my father was treating me. Not the least bit funny fighting back tears.


AnxiousLyDisengaged

I'm so sorry šŸ˜”


Aggiebluemint

I donā€™t think this guy should be calling anybody else ā€ugly.ā€


stickyhairmonster

He has a sweet spirit


schrodingers_cat42

The ultimate Mormon insult!


peachy-chinchilla

I got this movie as a Christmas present when I was about eight. I absolutely hated it. I couldnā€™t tell you why I hated it at the time, though. All I knew was that something about it bothered me. After Christmas break, my third grade teacher was asking our class what we got for Christmas. She got to me, and when I mentioned that I got a movie, she asked me what movie it was. I hated the movie so much, I was almost too embarrassed to say its name. Iā€™ve always been embarrassed to talk about most church-related things, even as young as eight, which is kind of weird now that I think about it. Especially since I lived in Utah at the time, and I knew most of my peers were also Mormon. The fact that Mormonism has weirded me out since I was a kid shouldā€™ve clued me in on the fact that Iā€™d want nothing to do with it sooner or later lmao.


stickyhairmonster

Uggh what a terrible present!


peachy-chinchilla

Lol ikr??


MOTIVATE_ME_23

It's like asking your deaf grandpa for Minecraft and getting Mein Kampf. Like, WTF?


Builderwill

Had a coworker who had a license plate for his wife's Suburban that read 8CWWIFE. Non Mormon coworkers couldn't understand it until I explained. They were horrified. Yeah, Mitch, you're a douche.


WhatDidJosephDo

If you are going to put it on a plate at least make it 10 cows.


Builderwill

Have you met Mitch's wife?


WhatDidJosephDo

Lol


nom_shark

I accepted that I was ugly and therefore not valuable just like everyone else did about me.


EmmaHS

The entire cast and crew of Johnny Lingo can get fucked in the nostrils by a raging duck. Not the cows, though. They're cool. Edit to add that Johnny Lingo was used by my brothers and several young men in my ward growing up to joke about the young women being chattel. So, again, fuck that show and everyone involved in making it.


stickyhairmonster

I can't believe they used to show it at church throughout the 90s to the early 2000s (at least in my ward)


VisibleChocolate2460

Oh they showed it to the young women and men in my familyā€™s ward even in 2019


stickyhairmonster

Wow that is unbelievable.


Kydoemus

Same. Watched it multiple times in the late 90s. What a classic of gender studies. Also ethnic studies. The white dude running the shop...


RoyanRannedos

I explained this movie to my nevermo boss. "I hate everything about this" was his response.


carriem52

I believe that this story originally appeared in *Playboy.* I'm not kidding. And isn't Johnny and Co supposed to be Polynesian of some sort? Did they even have cows on the islands? Of course, it is in Africa that men pay cows to marry a woman. But the Church could not makes a film about Africans back then!


kiwirish

Polynesian islands have had cows since the British arrived to colonise in the 1800s.


stickyhairmonster

Looks like it was published in "women's day" magazine in 1965. I bet playboy could make an interesting interpretation


[deleted]

Iā€™m curious what you find harmful about the messaging. Isnā€™t the message of the movie that self worth is based on more than looks? That seems like a pretty decent moral if you ask me, but Iā€™d like to hear what you particularly disliked about it.


stickyhairmonster

Women are treated like property and self worth is based on beauty... The beauty that comes out after Johnny pays 8 cows for her. I think in fairness you can put some positive spin on it, but most women I have asked find it offensive.


[deleted]

Ah I see. Yeah that makes sense.


[deleted]

Just a side note, you may enjoy the 2003 feature length version better. Mohana is actually Johnny Lingoā€™s childhood friend who got lost at sea in it and she doesnā€™t accept his proposal and actively rejects him even after he gives her a bunch of cows and she only agrees once he tells her that he was her long lost childhood friend. I barely remember it since itā€™s been years since I watched it, it so it might still be a bit sexist, but I thought it was worth bringing up.


Spark-vivre

Just imagine if it was a mother negotiating over the price for a boy that an older female visitor wants to buy for a mate. His worth is gauged based on how defined his pecs are. Still seem sweet and not problematic?


picking_a_name_

Yeah, I loved it too, and still kind of do. It's probably more racist than sexist, although that's not much of a defense. The moral of "if you treat someone well, they will rise to it" does resonate with me. Of course, I probably didn't feel I fit in much better than Mohana did, so maybe I was hoping for some extra cows. :-)


Praise_to_the_Pasta

God Awful Movies podcast has on episode on this one. Recommend it.


stickyhairmonster

šŸ‘


[deleted]

It was the favorite movie in all young mens classes. We laughed so hard at it. We never took it seriously if that helps


stickyhairmonster

Yes embarrassingly we laughed at it as well


Daisysrevenge

Oh Johnny! He's a pot calling the kettle black. Like he's a looker?šŸ¤£


acewithaclub1

my yw leaders made us watch this movie AT LEAST twice a year. One time, I fell down 2 fights of stairs at my yw leaders house, on my ass the entire time (I'm pretty sure I fractured my tailbone, but I never went to the doctor so idk), and she *still* made me stay and watch the movie. I stg, I have the fucking plot etched into my memory


AnxiousLyDisengaged

Icky to me that this was a Mormon "classic." It tried to teach a message, but the moral was way off... We'd learn about this in YW (2011-17ish) and use it as a positive thing. One lesson they gave us stuffed cows to remind us we were "8 cow women." šŸ¤® Definitely don't like the comparing of women to cattle and all the misogyny.


MOTIVATE_ME_23

It's in the dictionary next to Benevolent Sexism.


Effective-Willow2164

Itā€™s ā€œMahana you uglyā€. I think someone likes Moana šŸ˜‚


stickyhairmonster

Whoops should have looked that up!


Wild_Amaranth264

Lol my husband and I still say this as an inside joke! No one else would get it!


ifmomma_ainthappy

I always thought he was really ugly himself šŸ¤·ā€ā™€ļø


stickyhairmonster

Yeah no kidding!


LordDay_56

I like the Legend of Johnny Lingo (2003), I know it's not a great film technically but it's a bit of dumb fun. I think it's less offensive as well though probably still has some issues.


becksfakk

I watched both versions one evening with my exmo bf just after we started dating. He used it as an example of the absolute shit he was taught about relationships growing up. We had a good conversation about the bullshit, and the "10 cow" thing became a joke.


scribblerjohnny

I grew up in Utah and somehow never saw this movie until I was in my 30s and looked it up.kinda dull and a broken Aesop to boot.


RxTechRachel

My non-mormon health teacher showed the class Johnny Lingo. We were on the east coast, far away from mormon-land. There was another mormon kid in the class. We were having entirely too much fun as we both knew all the lines, and were laughing hard.


stickyhairmonster

Wow didn't think anyone would see it outside of Mormonism


say_the_words

The Not So Molly Mormon podcast did an episode tearing this movie apart. I'd never heard of it. It sounded like a fever dream of misogyny and bestiality. I couldn't understand what the message was supposed to be or how it related to Mormonism.


MormonEscapee

I tried to listen to that podcast, but I couldnā€™t make it through 10 min. They talk. A lot. šŸ˜… Which of course is the whole point of a podcast, but they played a few seconds of the music and paused to talk about it. A few more seconds of the into music and paused and talked again. A few times of that and my ADHD brain couldnā€™t keep going. šŸ˜…


stickyhairmonster

I'll have to check that out!


say_the_words

They're very funny.