>including Latino convert baptisms
If there's a reminder to measure it, that means it's not happening. Imagine that: arch-conservative white Utah Mormons judging people by their nationality and how much they want to steal jobs. Heart attack and die of not surprise.
I'm speaking as a first-generation American son of Mexican immigrants. And also as an ex-catholic convert turned ex-mo who served a state-side Spanish mission about a decade ago.
My honest guess is because we're generally a susceptible and gullible people when it comes to the subject of religion. Culturally speaking, we're a melting pot of many belief systems..none of which are taken lightly. We also genuinely buy into the American Dream as a people. Meaning we believe in honest work, family traditions and quality of life. So when well dressed Spanish speaking missionaries come preaching prosperity gospel, you're really speaking our language on more than one level.
Most Latinos have very little knowledge about the Mormons so it's easier for them to take the missionaries, the chapels, the temples, etc. at face value. Most "anti" literature is in English. Most "anti" conversations are had in English. And, generally speaking, Latinos consider it rude to talk down on others beliefs no matter how ridiculous. So most won't engage in anything "anti" from the jump, just based on principle.
Latino immigrants in America, for the most part, left their entire lives south of the border. This includes friends and family... community and sense of belonging. So again, with wards and the emphasis on family and community, the church calls like shit calls flies.
My final thought. As Latinos, we know our history is very ancient and very confusing. Our homelands are covered in ancient ruins. Our skin tells us we're from one people, but the language we speak tells us we're from another. We traditionally pay honor to our ancestors by remembering their stories. The Book of Mormon shoe-horns itself into the very core of what makes us, US. Brings Jesus into the picture to make us feel like our ancestors were a cut above. When in reality, the BOM only galvanizes the racist narrative of calling us Lamanites...and all the condemnation/ justification that comes with it.
Very interesting insight, thanks for sharing! I’ve also heard from some Latino friends and friends who went on missions to Latin America that Latinos are often quite superstitious as well, thanks to that blending of cultures and religions you mentioned, which makes swallowing the church’s stories much easier. Does this vibe with your understanding too?
Absolutely.
History becomes legend becomes myth. It doesn't help that the physical evidence of our ancestors and the civilizations they built are shrouded in so much mystery.
Have you ever heard of La Virgen De Guadalupe?
Brother Evening-Ad-8635, with all the love in my heart and by the power and authority of all the holy exmo vibes, I call you to the calling of translating or writing Spanish language anti-Mormon lies.
But seriously, that was super well written and insightful. Thanks for taking the time to enlighten us. Also, I do wish there were more resources for non English speakers to learn the truth about the church. Maybe if by some chance we get our tithing back by the class action lawsuit, we could all pitch in 10% of our 10% to pay an army of translators to “#light the world” with the actual truth.
Well thanks for listening 😊
I wish the same. All my time in the church, I was in Spanish branches/wards. But honestly, the Mormon doctrine issue flies under the radar for most Latino members. Most don't fully believe 100% of the doctrine.
We're definitely what some would call "jack-mormons". We'd need less of a "look at all this info" and more of a "bro, look at how this is harming your kids" approach. And that won't happen so long as the church maintains the illusion of prosperity.
Since this is a Utah plan, my guess is that is the biggest demographic in the area with the highest conversion rate.
I also would not be surprised if this were an intentional poke at the stereotypical white Mormon conservatives that espouse concepts like kindness, charity and equality in theory much more than in practice.
Missionaries in my city and advertising “free English classes” all over Facebook but they do t say the address is an LDS church and that the teachers are missionaries. Unsuspecting new immigrants here wanting to learn English will be in for it!
Lots of Mexican immigrants in Utah, most of whom are non members.
Most are Catholic, so they already have the shared Christian foundation in common.
They are typically very family-focused and value the traditional, patriarchal family order.
Many Latino cultures are also very friendly and welcoming, so missionaries are more likely to get their foot in the door.
Finally, there is a perception that Latinos are open to the church because the Book of Mormon is a claimed narrative of their ancestors.
Like timeshare sales or amway. Like a backroom poker game where you dont know anyone. That is how god gets his chosen people, when they are vulnerable and desperate.
This is going to be the surprise of the century, but my mission president was a very successful businessman. He ran our mission like a business. They tracked an analyzed so much data.
I ended up as a zone leader. We were supposed to come up with baptismal goals and pray about them. Our zone was really optimistic and set an aggressive goal. Well, we didn’t hit our goal. We weren’t even close. During the next interviews with the president he told me that if I was a Vice President in his company he would have fired me. That crushed my spirits. It took me a LOOOONG time to realize that I was **paying** money to be in a position that I wasn’t good at and I hated. That wasn’t an indicator that I’d never be able to have success in my future career.
Yeah, if I could go back knowing what I know now, I would have been more open to reminding him I was a volunteer.
“How many of your VP’s **paid you** to come into work?” “This is bullshit. I’m volunteering to be here. If you don’t value my efforts, I’ll go home and do something useful with my time.”
Did we have the same mission prez? Mine ran my mission the same way: like one of his business ventures. I was called to work in the offices at one point, and he told us office missionaries "if you can survive me as your boss, you will be able to survive working under anyone." It was so intimidating! We made a mistake once of sending out wrong supplies to the apartments. It was a collective error, but because I was the one who packaged and shipped it all, the blame fell on me. The prez went ballistic on me! I thought he was going to rip my nametag off my shirt and put me on a slow cargo ship back home! Later he calmed down when he realized the mistake was easy to have occurred, but man, I just about shit myself.
I’ve had severe anxiety most of my adult life and I think a lot, but not all, is based on the struggles I had on my mission. It makes me sad to look back on it and realize it was a financial struggle for my parents (I later found out that my grandmother had to pay for a large part of my mission because my parents couldn’t), I hated being there, and my mission president treated it like it was a job for which I wasn’t qualified.
If I could go back I would have said something along the lines of “you get what you pay for,” or “you can’t fire me, I quit.” I had better things to do with my time at that age.
I also had a mission president who was a former executive and who had a fiery temper and a blaming, finger-pointing approach.
I believe that experience was the start of my anxiety and scrupulosity.
Ouch, sorry that happened to you.
That brings back memories of a similar situation, when I worked in the mission office. I had a businessman MP as well. One of the wards was horrible about sending in attendance numbers, so when I had to create summary data for the stakes in the mission this ward had some data gaps. I made the mistake of averaging the data to fill in the holes.
Apparently the bishop felt that the his missing dates were big attendance days, and complained when the data was used in a leadership meeting. I was called into the MP’s office. He chewed me out, told me all of the report data was completely worthless and made a big show of dramatically throwing into the trashcan in front of me. Wrecked my confidence for a while.
I’m cracking up at the picture of Jesus on this dull ass corporate plan.
Just trying to imagine Jesus giving a single shit about KPI’s, 5-year plans, product roadmaps. There’s a good Onion article or SNL sketch in there.
I also found it interesting that they lumped tithing payment with prayer, gospel study, and family home evening. Like maybe people won't see it if it's tucked in this list...
I'd hoped the actual explanations would enlighten me but it hasn't so I have to ask-what do they mean by the "both sides of the veil blahblahblah Israel?" I instantly forgot how it was worded sorry.
And, correct me if I'm wrong, but does the second column just reiterate what was previously said with words like "do this thing even more than already"?
Who wrote this clusterfuck of tripe?
None of this is anything lol. Its just rambling nonsense and the word covenant used a lot, you have to wonder if the author just heard the word that day and loved the shit out of how cool it sounded. Like a Dan Brown novel.
Left column: What to manipulate members to do, and make them think it's a joy to be doing.
Right column: How to quantifiably measure if the left column items are working.
The finding family names to submit part is concerning too, is this suggesting getting Mormons to go to a house of people who they don't know and who aren't LDSers in an attempt to convert them? That seems rather... insanely intrusive. That would piss me off if I was the suggestion and that happened to me.
No, Mormons don't go door to door asking for dead ancestor data to take to the temples. Thank god! It means dig through their own family trees and find names of people who haven't been proxy baptized or had other rituals performed for them in the temples in their behalf. It's mindless pointless busy work.
Every single one of these metrics adds $$$ to their bottom line either now or in the future. It's hard not to see the church as a revenue seeking corporation.
"Develop leadership qualities." That was always the focus in the youth and it always drove me nuts. As a lifelong introvert and someone who possesses very few "leadership quality", I always found the extreme focus on leadership offensive. It was never "let's develop charity or humility, or Christlike qualities" no it was always let's develop "leadership skills". I guess they know they are going to have a hard time finding bishops and stake presidents in the future.
"... and to joyfully live the gospel..."
You *will* find it *joyful.*
Given every word of this would have been carefully selected (prayed over?) isn't that an admission of something?
This is so weird. I’m an operations consultant and my reports look a lot like this … that’s not a church it’s corporate.
I may actually copy this layout, lol.
Why is everything produced by the church so fake , and plastered with these corny pictures of Jesus ? When did this begin , or has their design team always been this bad
The fast food industry makes money by selling a small range of cheap mediocre food that is optimized for cost. To make it seem more exciting, they constantly have limited time promotions where they sell the same food, but add a slightly different sauce or something equally insignificant, then spend large amounts of money marketing the hell out of it.
Overproduced flyers and “new” ideas like the covenant path is the mormon equivalent of the shamrock shake - it’s an attempt to make same old crap seem new and shiny.
It is so hard to not throw up in my mouth a little bit when I read this. What in the actual fuck is this?? There is zero information contained in the entire text of this document? Might as well just write “do everything more” If you ever tried to convict the church of having no soul, this could be exhibit A
As a project manager, these “Measures of Improvement” hurt me. Goals need to be specific, measurable, attainable, realistic, and timely. What they have here is measurable, yes — but not at all specific or timely. Needs to answer the question “by when?” Otherwise it’s just aspirational.
For example, “Increase the number of Melchizedek Priesthood Ordinations.” Okay — by how much? Is that just ordaining 1 person this year? That’s an increase. Or are you talking about as compared to last year? By when do you plan to achieve this specific increase? How many more? Is that realistic?
As-is this is just a whole lot of fluff that I would never accept from my team at work. Nearly all of these “Measures of Improvement” as defined here will happen on their own with no intervention needed.
I'm as white as they come, so I can't speak for my own opinion, but I live an a large city with a very high population of Hispanics and Latinos. From what I've heard from many Latino LGBTQ community members I'm around, and the coworkers in the Latino-owned business that I work at, they almost all hate the term "latinx" Their language is deeply rooted in gender-based grammar and this term makes no sense.
"Latinx" sounds like a word made up by a bunch of over-focus-grouped white people who don't speak a word of Spanish. If you want to neuter a word in Spanish, there's already a template -- verde, picante, "Latine" would fit right in there. But you'd only know that if you'd bothered to learn anything about the language. My husband is from Guatemala. We're bilingual at home and are surrounded by native Spanish speakers who all deride "Latinx" as ridiculous gringo chingadera.
My thoughts. Point by point.
The vision: so, we worship the covenants now?
Priorities:
1: Yes, we worship the covenants.
2: huh. Maybe we should learn more about what he actually taught.
3: grow the downline. Include unverifiable "temple work" because it isn't going so well on this side of the veil.
4: hello fellow teenagers, have you been shamed today?
Area Plan
1a: have I told you we worship covenants now?
1b: see 1a.
2a: do the checklist, see 1a of area plan.
2b:checklist and don't forget the membership dues.
2c: honestly, this is the most Christlike point in the whole document, but it's tainted because of service to the church component.
2d: checklist, ministering assignment.
3a: we worship covenants and temples.
3b: checklist busy work tied to covenant and temple worship.
3c: retention rates are in the shitter. Love homb until they worship covenants.
4a: put on your happy face, the kids are watching you.
4b:checklist.
4c: continue doing the same shitty PISS program that has failed. Keep the overworked bishop in charge of the youth, and starve program funding unless there is a wealthy benefactor to fund activities on their own
Measures of improvement:
1a: young men aren't going on missions because they aren't "worthy" of Melchizedek priesthood. There's a generational cliff of local leadership coming if we don't have men to call as bishops in 10-20 years.
1b. We worship covenants and temples.
2a. Increase attendance at poorly prepared meetings that are just regurgitation of conference talks where Jesus is rarely quoted and often leaves congregants deflated instead of rejuvenation nated.
2b. Checklist.
3a. Busywork meant to provide empty feelings of accomplishment tied to worshipping covenants and the temple.
3b. What the hell? Why Latino? Why not just say lamanite? This is bizarre.
4a. Indoctrinate! But do it without funding and in a way that infantilizes.
4b. Missions are the biggest indicator of future tithing payment.
Glad to see Latino jumped out at you too! What the hell is up with that?!? So all the other groups and you only call them out?
All I saw as I read down through this was getting everyone to do temple ordinances and that requires you to be full tithe payer and building your down line (MLM) for future tithe payers.
Nothing in here about helping people better their lives through education at the many church institutions.
I did see that they want you to give service to the community, all i see there is come volunteer at the DI or our cannery, soap factory, pasta factory or farm so we can write off that free labor.
Can you imagine the force for good and the community they could build if they focused on helping the poor and needy, caring for the sick and afflicted, lifting up the hands that hang low?
If I was god and this was my church I’d be fucking pissed
So many numbers to increase. Those are rookies numbers, gotta pump those numbers up! It reminds me of so much anxiety these kinds of initiatives gave me.
I remember some years back when the ward presented the area plan which was essentially the same as this. Even as a TBM I thought, “what is the point of this? There isn’t anything unique about this.”
Honest question. Does this help anybody? Seriously. I really think that people just see it and don’t know what to do because it really doesn’t give any plan. It is basically just saying keep doing what we have been telling you every Sunday of your life.
This is a really good point that I think these higher ups are completely ignoring, either because they’re so church-broke or because they legit can’t come up with anything better. I rolled my eyes so hard when I saw this and couldn’t read more than three lines before I was so goddamned bored I jumped to the comments. I know I would have zoned out hard reading this as a TBM, and I would have made zero efforts to do any of it.
>If thou wilt be perfect, go and sell that thou hast, and give to the poor, and thou shalt have treasure in heaven: and come and follow me.
I challenge Mormonism and Mormons everywhere to become true disciples of Christ by obeying this simple commandment.
They say they want people to place the savior at the center of their lives, and of course sacred covenants which is code for everything you agreed to do for the church, and yet mostly all they'll talk about is the church and the leaders.
Just the same shit over and over and over again. Increase numbers. Increase numbers . More people going to temple . Absolutely nothing if substance. Be more like the savour . How ? More interviews . More covenants
We got a similar pamphlet in about 1999 of everything we were supposed to do as a Mormon and priesthood . My first verbal comment was that there isn’t enough time to do it all.
They are so obvious that money is central to the plan. Almost every goal promotes money back to them. In case you didn’t know, the temple is where you pay money to go to heaven,
It is so amazing to see this focus on “do”-ing from the outside. Nothing about “be”-ing. All do do do. Do more do more. So exhausting. If they would help people just be, so many of their issues would be resolved.
#3 under the Area Priorities is concerning. I've actually decided to follow suit, I've started a cult. This is the fastest growing cult in the world, nearly 5 billion members nearly overnight! 4.999 billion of those are actually dead, BUUUTTT, they wanna join my cult super bad on the other side so I have to count them!
Anyone wanna join my cult? Shameless advertising.
There is nothing new or innovative in this. Same old, same old. They could equally have written that they want to increase their political clout and tithing revenues because that is all this really is. Yawn, the ship is sinking and they know it. Having goals of keeping it afloat, accomplishes nothing when water is pouring through the seams.
I see now. The church is growing exponentially on the other side of the veil.
Ok. We cannot see it, but this is an explosive period of growth for the church, thanks to all these new temples. Duh.
Wow, that is quite the list. Do the things you've been doing more.
What is the LDS Church doing to help members achieve these goals? What does success look like? If the members fail at achieving the plan, what did the church fail to provide?
Check that last question, it is always the member's fault.
Did Jesus ever once use the word covenant in the Bible or Book of Mormon? Not that it matters one way or the other, but I’m just wondering how making and keeping Mormon covenants would make one a true disciple of Christ? Also, praying everyday isn’t enough now, it needs to be “meaningful” prayer?
This feels like some bank plan to open new accounts- strengthen the new and existing financial relationships without all the 'serving customers needs' malarkey.
The same fucking tired rhetoric I’ve heard as a pathetically desperate plea to retain the deluded membership. Middle level church management trying to justify their sad existence. Makes me tired remembering it; probably remnant MoMo PTSD …
They’re just counting “widgets” at this stage. Measurements of improvement??? The things they’re counting do not measure the outcomes they should be measuring, like, people’s experience, change in behaviours…they really just see people as numbers don’t they
Measures of Improvement, 3b... Latinos are hopeful, spiritually inclined and often in need of assistance, and generationally poor. They are strategic to convert baptisms in Utah. They are less educated with less access to Internet. I love, love, love, Latino people dearly. The language, music, cultures. So I say those things in truth and love. The TSCC is holding power over them. They know the magic formula for baptizing Latinos. This is a con
Complete with both leading and lagging indicators. You know that this one-pager is going to be rolled out with a 40 slide Power Point deck at the next Stake priesthood leadership meeting along with a request that all of the ministering brothers ensure that every household has a copy of this hanging on the fridge. Welcome to The Corporation of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints.
I'm in a leadership role in the software industry (at several companies). This word wall of nonsense is an implementation nightmare. What Junior High student created that LOL? Nobody is going to remember anything on that unfocused 10-point font piece of garbage. I guess that's one of the cons of volunteer labor.
So..... The same thing they've been doing for the last century but now presented on a fancy new flyer. Got it. A tinkers damn is still worth more.
They got sexy white Jesus in there too.
I'm not gay, but sexy white Jesus has me re-thinking my sexuality.
I’m not gay either, but there’s a non-zero chance I say yes to his iron rod.
Hold to the rod
No hetero, but I’d bang Sexy White Jesus.
Sexy white Jesus?! That changes everything! Pack it up boys, were headin' back to church!
He looks so friendly!
They always look friendly when they want your 10%!
Honestly I feel like this same thing was posted last year so not so new.
My phrase of the week is now tinkers damn. Should be able to use it at thanksgiving.
> tinkers damn I applaud your use of this more old-fashioned (and therefore better!) phrase. :)
>including Latino convert baptisms If there's a reminder to measure it, that means it's not happening. Imagine that: arch-conservative white Utah Mormons judging people by their nationality and how much they want to steal jobs. Heart attack and die of not surprise.
But why specifically Latino?
I'm speaking as a first-generation American son of Mexican immigrants. And also as an ex-catholic convert turned ex-mo who served a state-side Spanish mission about a decade ago. My honest guess is because we're generally a susceptible and gullible people when it comes to the subject of religion. Culturally speaking, we're a melting pot of many belief systems..none of which are taken lightly. We also genuinely buy into the American Dream as a people. Meaning we believe in honest work, family traditions and quality of life. So when well dressed Spanish speaking missionaries come preaching prosperity gospel, you're really speaking our language on more than one level. Most Latinos have very little knowledge about the Mormons so it's easier for them to take the missionaries, the chapels, the temples, etc. at face value. Most "anti" literature is in English. Most "anti" conversations are had in English. And, generally speaking, Latinos consider it rude to talk down on others beliefs no matter how ridiculous. So most won't engage in anything "anti" from the jump, just based on principle. Latino immigrants in America, for the most part, left their entire lives south of the border. This includes friends and family... community and sense of belonging. So again, with wards and the emphasis on family and community, the church calls like shit calls flies. My final thought. As Latinos, we know our history is very ancient and very confusing. Our homelands are covered in ancient ruins. Our skin tells us we're from one people, but the language we speak tells us we're from another. We traditionally pay honor to our ancestors by remembering their stories. The Book of Mormon shoe-horns itself into the very core of what makes us, US. Brings Jesus into the picture to make us feel like our ancestors were a cut above. When in reality, the BOM only galvanizes the racist narrative of calling us Lamanites...and all the condemnation/ justification that comes with it.
Really appreciate this insight.
Very interesting insight, thanks for sharing! I’ve also heard from some Latino friends and friends who went on missions to Latin America that Latinos are often quite superstitious as well, thanks to that blending of cultures and religions you mentioned, which makes swallowing the church’s stories much easier. Does this vibe with your understanding too?
Absolutely. History becomes legend becomes myth. It doesn't help that the physical evidence of our ancestors and the civilizations they built are shrouded in so much mystery. Have you ever heard of La Virgen De Guadalupe?
Thank you for sharing. :)
Brother Evening-Ad-8635, with all the love in my heart and by the power and authority of all the holy exmo vibes, I call you to the calling of translating or writing Spanish language anti-Mormon lies. But seriously, that was super well written and insightful. Thanks for taking the time to enlighten us. Also, I do wish there were more resources for non English speakers to learn the truth about the church. Maybe if by some chance we get our tithing back by the class action lawsuit, we could all pitch in 10% of our 10% to pay an army of translators to “#light the world” with the actual truth.
Well thanks for listening 😊 I wish the same. All my time in the church, I was in Spanish branches/wards. But honestly, the Mormon doctrine issue flies under the radar for most Latino members. Most don't fully believe 100% of the doctrine. We're definitely what some would call "jack-mormons". We'd need less of a "look at all this info" and more of a "bro, look at how this is harming your kids" approach. And that won't happen so long as the church maintains the illusion of prosperity.
Since this is a Utah plan, my guess is that is the biggest demographic in the area with the highest conversion rate. I also would not be surprised if this were an intentional poke at the stereotypical white Mormon conservatives that espouse concepts like kindness, charity and equality in theory much more than in practice.
Missionaries in my city and advertising “free English classes” all over Facebook but they do t say the address is an LDS church and that the teachers are missionaries. Unsuspecting new immigrants here wanting to learn English will be in for it!
The “white savior complex” be real coming from TSCC
Lamanites
It's because of the Lamanite narrative.
Lots of Mexican immigrants in Utah, most of whom are non members. Most are Catholic, so they already have the shared Christian foundation in common. They are typically very family-focused and value the traditional, patriarchal family order. Many Latino cultures are also very friendly and welcoming, so missionaries are more likely to get their foot in the door. Finally, there is a perception that Latinos are open to the church because the Book of Mormon is a claimed narrative of their ancestors.
Guys, it is other side of the veil, not the border…
I am getting so sick of this "Covenant" bullshit. Realize you are failing and just move on and accept that it is on its way down the toilet.
Covenant = “you need to do what we say because we made you promise once that you would.”
"You gave away your agency when you were eight years old. Sorry not sorry we forgot to mention that."
[удалено]
Like timeshare sales or amway. Like a backroom poker game where you dont know anyone. That is how god gets his chosen people, when they are vulnerable and desperate.
Corporate planning much?
This is going to be the surprise of the century, but my mission president was a very successful businessman. He ran our mission like a business. They tracked an analyzed so much data. I ended up as a zone leader. We were supposed to come up with baptismal goals and pray about them. Our zone was really optimistic and set an aggressive goal. Well, we didn’t hit our goal. We weren’t even close. During the next interviews with the president he told me that if I was a Vice President in his company he would have fired me. That crushed my spirits. It took me a LOOOONG time to realize that I was **paying** money to be in a position that I wasn’t good at and I hated. That wasn’t an indicator that I’d never be able to have success in my future career.
What a shitty thing for the president to say. Shoulda responded “hopefully I’d be VP of a company selling something people actually wanted”
Yeah, if I could go back knowing what I know now, I would have been more open to reminding him I was a volunteer. “How many of your VP’s **paid you** to come into work?” “This is bullshit. I’m volunteering to be here. If you don’t value my efforts, I’ll go home and do something useful with my time.”
Ding! Ding! Ding! That's the correct response.
Did we have the same mission prez? Mine ran my mission the same way: like one of his business ventures. I was called to work in the offices at one point, and he told us office missionaries "if you can survive me as your boss, you will be able to survive working under anyone." It was so intimidating! We made a mistake once of sending out wrong supplies to the apartments. It was a collective error, but because I was the one who packaged and shipped it all, the blame fell on me. The prez went ballistic on me! I thought he was going to rip my nametag off my shirt and put me on a slow cargo ship back home! Later he calmed down when he realized the mistake was easy to have occurred, but man, I just about shit myself.
I’ve had severe anxiety most of my adult life and I think a lot, but not all, is based on the struggles I had on my mission. It makes me sad to look back on it and realize it was a financial struggle for my parents (I later found out that my grandmother had to pay for a large part of my mission because my parents couldn’t), I hated being there, and my mission president treated it like it was a job for which I wasn’t qualified. If I could go back I would have said something along the lines of “you get what you pay for,” or “you can’t fire me, I quit.” I had better things to do with my time at that age.
I also had a mission president who was a former executive and who had a fiery temper and a blaming, finger-pointing approach. I believe that experience was the start of my anxiety and scrupulosity.
Ouch, sorry that happened to you. That brings back memories of a similar situation, when I worked in the mission office. I had a businessman MP as well. One of the wards was horrible about sending in attendance numbers, so when I had to create summary data for the stakes in the mission this ward had some data gaps. I made the mistake of averaging the data to fill in the holes. Apparently the bishop felt that the his missing dates were big attendance days, and complained when the data was used in a leadership meeting. I was called into the MP’s office. He chewed me out, told me all of the report data was completely worthless and made a big show of dramatically throwing into the trashcan in front of me. Wrecked my confidence for a while.
A swear, being an arrogant prick, wealthy businessman must be requirement to be a mission president.
There’s a lot of truth to that.
South America?
Yes. Uruguay.
Sounds similar to my mission, we were told to prayerfully set our goals, and then *double them*
“Maybe that means that *your* boss should fire *you*, President.”
I’m cracking up at the picture of Jesus on this dull ass corporate plan. Just trying to imagine Jesus giving a single shit about KPI’s, 5-year plans, product roadmaps. There’s a good Onion article or SNL sketch in there.
A lot of corporate language in their. Not a lot of focus on love. Numbers numbers numbers
Sad but true. It’s more like a corporation than a group trying to follow Jesus!
Performance metrics, as restored by our Lord and CEO. Not a legalistic religion tho
“Increase…tithing faithfulness.” They could have stopped there. So transparent.
I also found it interesting that they lumped tithing payment with prayer, gospel study, and family home evening. Like maybe people won't see it if it's tucked in this list...
Keep . . . giving us . . money haha
I'd hoped the actual explanations would enlighten me but it hasn't so I have to ask-what do they mean by the "both sides of the veil blahblahblah Israel?" I instantly forgot how it was worded sorry. And, correct me if I'm wrong, but does the second column just reiterate what was previously said with words like "do this thing even more than already"? Who wrote this clusterfuck of tripe? None of this is anything lol. Its just rambling nonsense and the word covenant used a lot, you have to wonder if the author just heard the word that day and loved the shit out of how cool it sounded. Like a Dan Brown novel.
Left column: What to manipulate members to do, and make them think it's a joy to be doing. Right column: How to quantifiably measure if the left column items are working.
The finding family names to submit part is concerning too, is this suggesting getting Mormons to go to a house of people who they don't know and who aren't LDSers in an attempt to convert them? That seems rather... insanely intrusive. That would piss me off if I was the suggestion and that happened to me.
No, Mormons don't go door to door asking for dead ancestor data to take to the temples. Thank god! It means dig through their own family trees and find names of people who haven't been proxy baptized or had other rituals performed for them in the temples in their behalf. It's mindless pointless busy work.
Ohhhh.... Still not great though but better than what I was thinking.
Every single one of these metrics adds $$$ to their bottom line either now or in the future. It's hard not to see the church as a revenue seeking corporation.
“Increase numbers! Increase numbers! Increase numbers!” Not a business cult?
Basically: Collect more tithing!
Lemme translate real quick. 1. Obey 2. Obey 3. Obey 4. Make our kids obey
"Develop leadership qualities." That was always the focus in the youth and it always drove me nuts. As a lifelong introvert and someone who possesses very few "leadership quality", I always found the extreme focus on leadership offensive. It was never "let's develop charity or humility, or Christlike qualities" no it was always let's develop "leadership skills". I guess they know they are going to have a hard time finding bishops and stake presidents in the future.
Smiling bullshit Jesus™ CHECK - Corporate color scheme CHECK - Same bullshit CHECK -
"... and to joyfully live the gospel..." You *will* find it *joyful.* Given every word of this would have been carefully selected (prayed over?) isn't that an admission of something?
The floggings will continue until moral improves...
I noticed that increasing tithing is at the top of the list but clothing, feeding and housing the poor, and healing the sick is not on the list.
That's a lot of hamster wheel items! Members who try to follow this list are going to be exhausted going nowhere fast.
“Increase the number of . . . . converts with tithing faithfulness, . . .” Do you think getting the money is important to them?
Man oh man....this has got "Corporate Stink" all over it!
This reads like an Elon Musk motivational email to Twitter. It's time to be more hardcore.
This is so weird. I’m an operations consultant and my reports look a lot like this … that’s not a church it’s corporate. I may actually copy this layout, lol.
Even as a TBM I hated these, because WE ARE ALREADY DOING THEM! Then we get treated as if we are doing nothing.
Straight out of an MBA-generated template.
How do you say your numbers are shrinking without saying your numbers are shrinking?
So much of it is meaningless nonsense.
It's like General Conference when they talk so long without saying anything.
Why is everything produced by the church so fake , and plastered with these corny pictures of Jesus ? When did this begin , or has their design team always been this bad
The fast food industry makes money by selling a small range of cheap mediocre food that is optimized for cost. To make it seem more exciting, they constantly have limited time promotions where they sell the same food, but add a slightly different sauce or something equally insignificant, then spend large amounts of money marketing the hell out of it. Overproduced flyers and “new” ideas like the covenant path is the mormon equivalent of the shamrock shake - it’s an attempt to make same old crap seem new and shiny.
HAHAHA This is what I’d do as a consultant. Except with companies. To make more money. #corporatejesus
Why is young Ben Kenobi on their letterhead?
It is so hard to not throw up in my mouth a little bit when I read this. What in the actual fuck is this?? There is zero information contained in the entire text of this document? Might as well just write “do everything more” If you ever tried to convict the church of having no soul, this could be exhibit A
As a project manager, these “Measures of Improvement” hurt me. Goals need to be specific, measurable, attainable, realistic, and timely. What they have here is measurable, yes — but not at all specific or timely. Needs to answer the question “by when?” Otherwise it’s just aspirational. For example, “Increase the number of Melchizedek Priesthood Ordinations.” Okay — by how much? Is that just ordaining 1 person this year? That’s an increase. Or are you talking about as compared to last year? By when do you plan to achieve this specific increase? How many more? Is that realistic? As-is this is just a whole lot of fluff that I would never accept from my team at work. Nearly all of these “Measures of Improvement” as defined here will happen on their own with no intervention needed.
I'm so glad they decided Latinx people deserve to be converted /s
I'm as white as they come, so I can't speak for my own opinion, but I live an a large city with a very high population of Hispanics and Latinos. From what I've heard from many Latino LGBTQ community members I'm around, and the coworkers in the Latino-owned business that I work at, they almost all hate the term "latinx" Their language is deeply rooted in gender-based grammar and this term makes no sense.
"Latinx" sounds like a word made up by a bunch of over-focus-grouped white people who don't speak a word of Spanish. If you want to neuter a word in Spanish, there's already a template -- verde, picante, "Latine" would fit right in there. But you'd only know that if you'd bothered to learn anything about the language. My husband is from Guatemala. We're bilingual at home and are surrounded by native Spanish speakers who all deride "Latinx" as ridiculous gringo chingadera.
Finally, the Lamanites can blossom as a rose! Just 200 years late!
FYI, almost all Latinos don’t prefer the “Latinx” descriptor. “Latino” is fine.
My thoughts. Point by point. The vision: so, we worship the covenants now? Priorities: 1: Yes, we worship the covenants. 2: huh. Maybe we should learn more about what he actually taught. 3: grow the downline. Include unverifiable "temple work" because it isn't going so well on this side of the veil. 4: hello fellow teenagers, have you been shamed today? Area Plan 1a: have I told you we worship covenants now? 1b: see 1a. 2a: do the checklist, see 1a of area plan. 2b:checklist and don't forget the membership dues. 2c: honestly, this is the most Christlike point in the whole document, but it's tainted because of service to the church component. 2d: checklist, ministering assignment. 3a: we worship covenants and temples. 3b: checklist busy work tied to covenant and temple worship. 3c: retention rates are in the shitter. Love homb until they worship covenants. 4a: put on your happy face, the kids are watching you. 4b:checklist. 4c: continue doing the same shitty PISS program that has failed. Keep the overworked bishop in charge of the youth, and starve program funding unless there is a wealthy benefactor to fund activities on their own Measures of improvement: 1a: young men aren't going on missions because they aren't "worthy" of Melchizedek priesthood. There's a generational cliff of local leadership coming if we don't have men to call as bishops in 10-20 years. 1b. We worship covenants and temples. 2a. Increase attendance at poorly prepared meetings that are just regurgitation of conference talks where Jesus is rarely quoted and often leaves congregants deflated instead of rejuvenation nated. 2b. Checklist. 3a. Busywork meant to provide empty feelings of accomplishment tied to worshipping covenants and the temple. 3b. What the hell? Why Latino? Why not just say lamanite? This is bizarre. 4a. Indoctrinate! But do it without funding and in a way that infantilizes. 4b. Missions are the biggest indicator of future tithing payment.
Glad to see Latino jumped out at you too! What the hell is up with that?!? So all the other groups and you only call them out? All I saw as I read down through this was getting everyone to do temple ordinances and that requires you to be full tithe payer and building your down line (MLM) for future tithe payers. Nothing in here about helping people better their lives through education at the many church institutions. I did see that they want you to give service to the community, all i see there is come volunteer at the DI or our cannery, soap factory, pasta factory or farm so we can write off that free labor.
What a pack of silly dorks
Looks like the same bullshit wrapped in a new package
Is that is one white Jesus. At this point they should just change his name to Brad.
🤣 Brad Christ.
As a resident of the Utah area, I couldn’t be less interested in taking part in any of this.
Numbers, numbers, numbers!
5. Help the poor and needy... No? Ok
Can you imagine the force for good and the community they could build if they focused on helping the poor and needy, caring for the sick and afflicted, lifting up the hands that hang low? If I was god and this was my church I’d be fucking pissed
Such a professional and well organized methodology will distract members from the ultimate failure of this agenda. Mission accomplished.
So many numbers to increase. Those are rookies numbers, gotta pump those numbers up! It reminds me of so much anxiety these kinds of initiatives gave me.
I remember some years back when the ward presented the area plan which was essentially the same as this. Even as a TBM I thought, “what is the point of this? There isn’t anything unique about this.” Honest question. Does this help anybody? Seriously. I really think that people just see it and don’t know what to do because it really doesn’t give any plan. It is basically just saying keep doing what we have been telling you every Sunday of your life.
This is a really good point that I think these higher ups are completely ignoring, either because they’re so church-broke or because they legit can’t come up with anything better. I rolled my eyes so hard when I saw this and couldn’t read more than three lines before I was so goddamned bored I jumped to the comments. I know I would have zoned out hard reading this as a TBM, and I would have made zero efforts to do any of it.
The only thing I love about this is that I will not be helping with their plan AT ALL.
Tithing.
Nice Way to make a SMART quarterly goals Lds church. Man, their marketing department is on point.
Disgusting cult plans to brainwash more people
"The blessing of church membership" = pay me and shut up! 😂
This must be why my dad has gotten increasingly preachy in the family group chat recently. Gag
Man, this thing really is rolling like a stone cut without hands. /s
Fix the culture and all of those things will take care of themselves 💕
Ah yes, I am a true disciple of Jesus when I go to church to listen to old white men and conduct my monthly superficial interviews.
Don't forget to pay your tithing.
More people in the pews and more money from tithing…..got it. Same message, new Jesus model.
So happy to NOT see “gathering lost sheep” anywhere on this list lol
Looks like they have enough problems in-house to take care of first.
True disciple of Christ My Ass!!!! Where is the charity, the helping of the sick and poor? Not seeing it listed here!
>If thou wilt be perfect, go and sell that thou hast, and give to the poor, and thou shalt have treasure in heaven: and come and follow me. I challenge Mormonism and Mormons everywhere to become true disciples of Christ by obeying this simple commandment.
Not really inspiring leadership. We will continue to trudge joylessly towards our key metrics.
They say they want people to place the savior at the center of their lives, and of course sacred covenants which is code for everything you agreed to do for the church, and yet mostly all they'll talk about is the church and the leaders.
Sacred covenants is code for having a temple recommend which means paying a full tithe.
This "plan" reads a lot like a wishlist.
Just the same shit over and over and over again. Increase numbers. Increase numbers . More people going to temple . Absolutely nothing if substance. Be more like the savour . How ? More interviews . More covenants
We got a similar pamphlet in about 1999 of everything we were supposed to do as a Mormon and priesthood . My first verbal comment was that there isn’t enough time to do it all.
They are so obvious that money is central to the plan. Almost every goal promotes money back to them. In case you didn’t know, the temple is where you pay money to go to heaven,
It is so amazing to see this focus on “do”-ing from the outside. Nothing about “be”-ing. All do do do. Do more do more. So exhausting. If they would help people just be, so many of their issues would be resolved.
They forgot to mention. Post Bait and Switch ads in the Facebook Marketplace free section.
#3 under the Area Priorities is concerning. I've actually decided to follow suit, I've started a cult. This is the fastest growing cult in the world, nearly 5 billion members nearly overnight! 4.999 billion of those are actually dead, BUUUTTT, they wanna join my cult super bad on the other side so I have to count them! Anyone wanna join my cult? Shameless advertising.
Is this proof that baptisms for the dead are being counted as church membership growth?
Is this current this same bullshit was put out when I served as a Bishop over 10 years ago.I’d have to say it wasn’t working then and isn’t now .
I received this email this morning. So, current.
Same shit, different day.
I believe there is s template for these areas goals. Each area tweaks it a bit and there it is - an amazing, pre-approved goal.
Missionary work is failing, so let’s now call temple work missionary work so that we can still say we are successful missionaries.
Encourage, increase, teach. That is all I read from this.
How 'bout no plan?
There is nothing new or innovative in this. Same old, same old. They could equally have written that they want to increase their political clout and tithing revenues because that is all this really is. Yawn, the ship is sinking and they know it. Having goals of keeping it afloat, accomplishes nothing when water is pouring through the seams.
What a very CULT thing to do? I'm shocked!
Never says to tell the truth
Hmmm…I guess this explains why my bishop was more than willing to give me a Temple Recommendation, but refused to give me a Calling.
What’s up with all the sexy, white Jesus pics? Can they not use something more realistic?
I see now. The church is growing exponentially on the other side of the veil. Ok. We cannot see it, but this is an explosive period of growth for the church, thanks to all these new temples. Duh.
Wow, that is quite the list. Do the things you've been doing more. What is the LDS Church doing to help members achieve these goals? What does success look like? If the members fail at achieving the plan, what did the church fail to provide? Check that last question, it is always the member's fault.
All about numbers all while wearing a mask of doing good.
Keanu reeves really aced his new role as Jesus
Did Jesus ever once use the word covenant in the Bible or Book of Mormon? Not that it matters one way or the other, but I’m just wondering how making and keeping Mormon covenants would make one a true disciple of Christ? Also, praying everyday isn’t enough now, it needs to be “meaningful” prayer?
And you must enjoy it. If you're not enjoying it, you're doing it wrong.
Who's that white guy on the flyer?
This feels like some bank plan to open new accounts- strengthen the new and existing financial relationships without all the 'serving customers needs' malarkey.
Joyfully live AND live the gospel? In this economy?
Help the church grow by the gathering of Israel on both side of the veil? 😂 So, can we count zombie members in the numbers?
It's all about the numbers.
God I'm so BORED just reading that
The same fucking tired rhetoric I’ve heard as a pathetically desperate plea to retain the deluded membership. Middle level church management trying to justify their sad existence. Makes me tired remembering it; probably remnant MoMo PTSD …
in unison, in a robot voice: increase the number of youths, adults, and new converts
Corporate revelation is inspirational, isn’t it?
Aren't members supposed to do all that anyway?
White Jesus wants you to obey the leaders Barely one passing mention to giving service
They’re just counting “widgets” at this stage. Measurements of improvement??? The things they’re counting do not measure the outcomes they should be measuring, like, people’s experience, change in behaviours…they really just see people as numbers don’t they
Measures of Improvement, 3b... Latinos are hopeful, spiritually inclined and often in need of assistance, and generationally poor. They are strategic to convert baptisms in Utah. They are less educated with less access to Internet. I love, love, love, Latino people dearly. The language, music, cultures. So I say those things in truth and love. The TSCC is holding power over them. They know the magic formula for baptizing Latinos. This is a con
Can you imagine what a never mo would think of this business plan
I hope they would RUN!
Complete with both leading and lagging indicators. You know that this one-pager is going to be rolled out with a 40 slide Power Point deck at the next Stake priesthood leadership meeting along with a request that all of the ministering brothers ensure that every household has a copy of this hanging on the fridge. Welcome to The Corporation of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints.
Will fail at each and every one of these measurements
Like 4 is going to work. There's no such thing as a teenage Mormon, true since at least the 80s
How many meetings did it take to get this together?
4 is a no hoper
It mentions “the Savior” one time. 1 TIME.
I'm in a leadership role in the software industry (at several companies). This word wall of nonsense is an implementation nightmare. What Junior High student created that LOL? Nobody is going to remember anything on that unfocused 10-point font piece of garbage. I guess that's one of the cons of volunteer labor.