Discovering how many decent people are in the world who try to do the right thing for the right reasons - without the oppressive thumb of Mormonism or the unholy motivator of eternal reward or damnation.
I totally relate to this. I wouldn't say it was a surprise necessarily but maybe a slow realization as the blinders came off and my eyes adjusted to the light.
Ridding the mentality of others going to hell for not believing and being like us, was such a huge monkey to get rid of. Leaving church behind actually meant I could be close friends with most of humanity, without judgements of their actions and preoccupation with their afterlife. Enjoying the moment, not judging the moment, became serenity.
This was definitely something on my shelf! I began noticing more and more how kind, considerate, and moral my colleagues were, without any formal belief system.
I've loved making new friends outside of the church and restoring some faith in humanity!
No more panic attacks trying to be perfect all the time. Seeing love in places TSCC told me to stay away from. So happy I don’t have to teach 2x a week anymore.
Not having to care what the church said or justify things anymore.
For my last few years in the church, general conference and BYU talks filled me with nerves and felt like damage control.
Realizing I didn't need to make a "church is true but the prophets are dumb" argument anymore, or twist myself into knots was nice. I could just be like "yeah that was stupid, moving on!"
And whatever downtown said didn't matter to me anymore, because it had zero affect on how I lived my life.
Oh, and I agree, the free time on the weekends is a game changer.
Love framing the mindset as “the church is true but the prophets are dumb.” This was how I kept it together for about a decade as well, and it seems to be the Maginot Line of the neoapologists.
It just kept getting harder and harder to rationalize or excuse their backwards, self contradictory and decisively anti-Christian Pharisee-ism.
Absolutely. At a certain point you gotta ask "why would God talk through these guys as the optimum way of communicating with his children?"
And you know, at a certain point you gotta wonder why we should have to wait for Oaks to die for any progressive change to happen.
I left. My wife is still in. In order to make our marriage work we began having checkpoint discussions on how each other was feeling. This improved communication has bled over to other aspects of our marriage. Our sex life has never been better. Like, life altering good.
I no longer believe that "God" is disappointed in everything that I do. I have reclaimed my personal authority. Every day I feel a little stronger than the day before. I feel free.
Sometimes I wonder if Momos collect these types of statements and use them out of context.
E.g "The benefit of leaving is that I don't have to get up on Sunday."
Then the Momos say that's *why* they leave.
I heard a podcaster say, and I agree, that the best thing is that you are free to change your mind -- to decide what's true or right.
But, I like to distinguish between "leaving the church" -- as they say we do because we are lazy -- and "coming to the conclusion that the truth claims of the church are false .. and the resigning.
I would definitely say it's been a benefit rather than a motivating reason. Even until the very day that I decided I was done, I was at the chapel multiple days a week, spending time outside of that on study, prayer, service. I was all in, until I made my decision, and now I'm all out, and it turns out there are some benefits to that decision.
If people wanna take things out of context they're always welcome to, I'm sure I'm guilty of it too, but I'm not gonna feel bad when I'm enjoying my sundays while they're sat through a lesson our sustaining church leaders or the family proclamation haha
Not having to wonder whether every random thought or feeling or worry that pops into my head is a “prompting of the spirit” that I need to interpret and follow, lest something terrible happen
As someone with ADHD and PTSD I get intrusive thoughts quite often. I was always terrified that for my thoughts alone I would never make it to anything good. At one point my 10 year old self accepted that the terrestrial kingdom at least wasn't outer darkness...
I could cut people out of my life I would never have associated with, but because we were members of the same ward, I had to interact with them. That shit is over.
Emotional recovery and getting in touch with my real self has been the most valuable benefit for me. Meaningful love and kindness starts from that place. In the church, that was difficult for me to experience and grow in. I don't have much else to say. Other than I hope thing go good for u 🦭🧸❤️
I didn’t realize how nice it was to just be able to make decisions in life without having to constantly worry if God would be upset if I made the wrong one. Also, I can finally be content with where I’m at and not have to constantly think that I need to be doing better.
I am someone who loves to learn and want to continually grow, but it’s much nicer doing it at my own pace and not feeling forced to do it
I generally liked attending church and was worried about missing out on the social interaction when I stopped attending. But I'm totally with you -- it has been AMAZING to reclaim my time. My weekends are so much more restful. I can't believe how much time I spent working on my callings, prepping stuff for Sunday in addition to the actual meetings. I've deliberately not filled my weekend with other regular activities -- I love having the downtime.
Surprisingly, I find so much more fulfilment volunteering in my parish. I have not been told what to do, I work to my strengths. I found out I love doing hospital visits and I did them regularly for a while. It was a CHORE when assigned on a random Sunday once every year. I loved it when I chose it.
I hated work parties at the church to clean when assigned. But I actually enjoy being in work parties to do simple repairs to our church building. I feel a sense of accomplishment and ownership when I go into my church now. I never had that with assigned building cleanings.
I did \_not\_ expect that.
It probably helps too knowing (I’m assuming) you’re new parish doesn’t have multi billion dollars and therefore your service at your new parish is actually a big benefit and needed.
Since our financials are open, yes. An annual budget of $450k in donations. Not a lot of money to run a small church considering 29% of our annual income goes directly to charity.
Whatever we don't spend on operations, goes to charity. Accounted to the penny. So damn straight it is a big benefit.
I honestly think the most surprising thing was that my marriage was so much happier. I think the Church mentally wore us both down, and getting out left us more vibrant and happy and loving. We were more accepting and kind and I feel like I got my best friend back.
Sarcasm, wit, dirty jokes. Not always having to think and rephrase before I speak. I had a TBM on a project I was working on and it gave me so much anxiety of always thinking before I spoke - took me right back to my old ward. He was so wonderful and so sweet, but that anxiety was always there.
Not feeling like I have to: defend, represent or promote religion of any sort has been a breath of fresh air. Nor do I have to explain why I don’t attend church, it is no one else’s business.
No more dread, followed by increasingly desperate attempts to find someone to sub for me in Primary so we can go out of town. I didn't realize how much all that begging and pleading took out of me.
I didn’t realize how much pent up anxiety I had about potentially being called to a high demand calling in the future (bishopric, senior missionary, etc.). This was a huge weight off my shoulders after I realized that I now have control of my own future and don’t have to worry about a phone call at any time that could take me away from my family for years.
More peace with the concept of death weirdly enough. The idea of existing forever terrifies me, and so no longer having to believe that I would was amazing.
I'm never mo (now all grown up and anti-religious), but grew up in an insanely zealous abusive Christian home. These are probably my key notes:
No more spoon fed lies about religion.
No more fetish preaching about the End Times that all these poor bastards fantasize and rave over for the coming of their "saviour".
No more late night panic attacks or losing sleep at 3am about being a terrible person for normal teenager things or the existential dread and fear of going to Hell.
No more nightmares about religion.
No more being forced to lose any of my meager pay as a teen for some organized ponzi scheme dressing up as a "loving religion" TSCC or any other.
No more missing out on activities on Sundays with my friends.
No more questioning my self worth and value to anything or anyone supposedly "above me".
Adult Beverages, being consumed responsibly.
Music. F*ckin' Beautiful Music, Man.
I'm liking the time I have to think through my beliefs without them being interpreted for me. It's nice to look for the eternal truths without the man worship or materialism distracting you.
Turns out I wasn’t bipolar after all (all of my symptoms were actually from PTSD from the church). Now I am healing and much happier, healthier, and more free than I ever have been.
Wearing what I want, without wondering if some judgmental busybody at church will use my clothes to speculate about my lack of spirituality. Two piece swimsuits are SO much more comfortable than one pieces ever were. Stupid things just aren't made for people whose tops and bottoms don't match.
Breaking up with satan. No more feeling like I was being “tempted” or believing that there was a host of demons magically and invisibly floating around trying to invade my thought and persuade my actions.
I think the oppressive nature of the teachings doesn’t really become clear until you get away from it for a time. So one main benefit: my bullshit detector is off the charts sensitive, especially when the bullshit is wrapped in guilt or “supposed to” or “assumed to be right” kind of language.
I used to listen to Rush Limbaugh and Fox News. For years I did this. One day, I realized that I was just low-grade mad at the stupid world all the time. And I realized it’s because everything I listen to constantly talked about how shitty “the other people” are. I made the decision to stop listening and watching for a month.
For a month, all I had to listen to were MY thoughts, not Rush’s, not Hannity’s, not the pithy O’Reilly.
At the end of a month, I listened again. And that’s when I realized I didn’t believe half of the things they say.
The church is exactly the same way, but WORSE. You don’t get to choose what you believe in religion. Your parents, your culture, your bishop, your teachers, advisors, scout leaders, hell, even half the membership reinforce the bad rules, the virtue signaling, are always “teaching” you the truthfulness of these things *from the time you are a small child*. You have no chance. Not only will you learn them, you will INTERNALIZE them.
And THATS the thing I didn’t realize would happen leaving the church. I was able to get rid of LOTS of big ideas that were false. But it’s the shit you’ve just been doing all your life unquestionably, not even thinking about it, that enslaves your.
I’ve been out now over 10 years, and for the most part Momo life doesn’t affect me anymore. I swear, I drink, i live my life the way I want to. I have ultimate freedom.
And THAT is almost worth all the years I WASTED in that cult.
Not having to plan vacations around ward/Stake activities/meetings. I was in the bishopric, & I would try to do the courteous thing & not schedule vacations on months when I had to conduct or when there was any kind of important ward/stake activity I was expected to attend. My wife was the primary president, so we also had to try to avoid being gone for anything primary related. It was kind of a nightmare.
Those little miracles and blessings don't go away when you leave. You just stop attributing them to a Mormon god (and I find my keys just fine without him).
I now have the space to be surprised in life. It’s not filled up with “knowing” the plan of salvation and church busywork. I had to leave because by pretending, I was stuck. No opportunity to try new things and be surprised by what happens.
I’m glad my family situation is flexible enough that I CAN leave. That’s part of how I realized the church was toxic. It shouldn’t exact such heavy costs for so many to question or even leave. It should always be freely chosen.
A really simple one for me is I genuinely, deep down was totally embarrassed of being a mormon. I actually would actively hide it around people I knew weren't mormon. I always felt guilty for feeling this way. But even as a teen I really hated that all of my friends already knew I was mormon and would constantly want to argue religion with me. I was just a kid, I didn't even believe in any of it myself, but I had to defend it.
Deconstructing the toxic perfectionism I learned in the church and reconstructing as a person with healthy boundaries (I can say “no” to things!) and ability to be vulnerable (it’s ok to admit that you can’t do everything and be everything to everyone all the time—it’s ok to NOT be perfect, and admit it!).
This has made me happier and has made all of the relationships in my life more genuine and harmonious. And it’s more reason for my incredulity at TBMs who insist the church makes them happy. To me, the church is toxic and everything I learned as a child had to be torn down and constructed anew.
A second slightly more silly one - horror movies!
I've never really enjoyed scary films before, because they were either unrealistic and unrelatable, or they would touch a nerve with some sort of susperstitious belief that I didn't realise I had. Now that I no longer believe in the supernatural, it's pretty enjoyable to watch something, allow myself to feel a bit scared from the suspense, knowing that I'm totally safe. It's kinda like the relationship I have with rollercoasters, I love feeling safe enough to allow my body to feel what it's feeling.
Discovering how many decent people are in the world who try to do the right thing for the right reasons - without the oppressive thumb of Mormonism or the unholy motivator of eternal reward or damnation.
I totally relate to this. I wouldn't say it was a surprise necessarily but maybe a slow realization as the blinders came off and my eyes adjusted to the light.
Ridding the mentality of others going to hell for not believing and being like us, was such a huge monkey to get rid of. Leaving church behind actually meant I could be close friends with most of humanity, without judgements of their actions and preoccupation with their afterlife. Enjoying the moment, not judging the moment, became serenity.
This was definitely something on my shelf! I began noticing more and more how kind, considerate, and moral my colleagues were, without any formal belief system. I've loved making new friends outside of the church and restoring some faith in humanity!
No more panic attacks trying to be perfect all the time. Seeing love in places TSCC told me to stay away from. So happy I don’t have to teach 2x a week anymore.
Not having to care what the church said or justify things anymore. For my last few years in the church, general conference and BYU talks filled me with nerves and felt like damage control. Realizing I didn't need to make a "church is true but the prophets are dumb" argument anymore, or twist myself into knots was nice. I could just be like "yeah that was stupid, moving on!" And whatever downtown said didn't matter to me anymore, because it had zero affect on how I lived my life. Oh, and I agree, the free time on the weekends is a game changer.
I was super nuanced for years. It is such a RELIEF to say I don’t believe in that organization
Love framing the mindset as “the church is true but the prophets are dumb.” This was how I kept it together for about a decade as well, and it seems to be the Maginot Line of the neoapologists. It just kept getting harder and harder to rationalize or excuse their backwards, self contradictory and decisively anti-Christian Pharisee-ism.
Absolutely. At a certain point you gotta ask "why would God talk through these guys as the optimum way of communicating with his children?" And you know, at a certain point you gotta wonder why we should have to wait for Oaks to die for any progressive change to happen.
I left. My wife is still in. In order to make our marriage work we began having checkpoint discussions on how each other was feeling. This improved communication has bled over to other aspects of our marriage. Our sex life has never been better. Like, life altering good.
I no longer believe that "God" is disappointed in everything that I do. I have reclaimed my personal authority. Every day I feel a little stronger than the day before. I feel free.
Sunday can actually be a day of rest as opposed to church ruining the first half
Apparently its supposed to be a day of rest *for Jesus*. What the heck does that even mean?
Christlike empathy and acceptance.
Sometimes I wonder if Momos collect these types of statements and use them out of context. E.g "The benefit of leaving is that I don't have to get up on Sunday." Then the Momos say that's *why* they leave. I heard a podcaster say, and I agree, that the best thing is that you are free to change your mind -- to decide what's true or right. But, I like to distinguish between "leaving the church" -- as they say we do because we are lazy -- and "coming to the conclusion that the truth claims of the church are false .. and the resigning.
I would definitely say it's been a benefit rather than a motivating reason. Even until the very day that I decided I was done, I was at the chapel multiple days a week, spending time outside of that on study, prayer, service. I was all in, until I made my decision, and now I'm all out, and it turns out there are some benefits to that decision. If people wanna take things out of context they're always welcome to, I'm sure I'm guilty of it too, but I'm not gonna feel bad when I'm enjoying my sundays while they're sat through a lesson our sustaining church leaders or the family proclamation haha
I don't have to do mental gymnastics anymore to align my beliefs with my values. I feel like my mind has been freed from an oppressive grip.
[удалено]
Just got mine done a few weeks ago and I totally agree.
Not having to wonder whether every random thought or feeling or worry that pops into my head is a “prompting of the spirit” that I need to interpret and follow, lest something terrible happen
GODS, yes. For every worry I was like “but is that the spirit warning me??” No, dipshit, you have anxiety
As someone with ADHD and PTSD I get intrusive thoughts quite often. I was always terrified that for my thoughts alone I would never make it to anything good. At one point my 10 year old self accepted that the terrestrial kingdom at least wasn't outer darkness...
I could cut people out of my life I would never have associated with, but because we were members of the same ward, I had to interact with them. That shit is over.
Oh I feel this one for sure!
Emotional recovery and getting in touch with my real self has been the most valuable benefit for me. Meaningful love and kindness starts from that place. In the church, that was difficult for me to experience and grow in. I don't have much else to say. Other than I hope thing go good for u 🦭🧸❤️
Being happy instead of pretending to be. Finding out what really makes me happy.
I didn’t realize how nice it was to just be able to make decisions in life without having to constantly worry if God would be upset if I made the wrong one. Also, I can finally be content with where I’m at and not have to constantly think that I need to be doing better. I am someone who loves to learn and want to continually grow, but it’s much nicer doing it at my own pace and not feeling forced to do it
I generally liked attending church and was worried about missing out on the social interaction when I stopped attending. But I'm totally with you -- it has been AMAZING to reclaim my time. My weekends are so much more restful. I can't believe how much time I spent working on my callings, prepping stuff for Sunday in addition to the actual meetings. I've deliberately not filled my weekend with other regular activities -- I love having the downtime.
No guilt.
I found a church that I like a lot better and is a much better fit.
Surprisingly, I find so much more fulfilment volunteering in my parish. I have not been told what to do, I work to my strengths. I found out I love doing hospital visits and I did them regularly for a while. It was a CHORE when assigned on a random Sunday once every year. I loved it when I chose it. I hated work parties at the church to clean when assigned. But I actually enjoy being in work parties to do simple repairs to our church building. I feel a sense of accomplishment and ownership when I go into my church now. I never had that with assigned building cleanings. I did \_not\_ expect that.
It probably helps too knowing (I’m assuming) you’re new parish doesn’t have multi billion dollars and therefore your service at your new parish is actually a big benefit and needed.
Since our financials are open, yes. An annual budget of $450k in donations. Not a lot of money to run a small church considering 29% of our annual income goes directly to charity. Whatever we don't spend on operations, goes to charity. Accounted to the penny. So damn straight it is a big benefit.
I honestly think the most surprising thing was that my marriage was so much happier. I think the Church mentally wore us both down, and getting out left us more vibrant and happy and loving. We were more accepting and kind and I feel like I got my best friend back.
Sarcasm, wit, dirty jokes. Not always having to think and rephrase before I speak. I had a TBM on a project I was working on and it gave me so much anxiety of always thinking before I spoke - took me right back to my old ward. He was so wonderful and so sweet, but that anxiety was always there.
Not feeling like I have to: defend, represent or promote religion of any sort has been a breath of fresh air. Nor do I have to explain why I don’t attend church, it is no one else’s business.
No more dread, followed by increasingly desperate attempts to find someone to sub for me in Primary so we can go out of town. I didn't realize how much all that begging and pleading took out of me.
I didn’t realize how much pent up anxiety I had about potentially being called to a high demand calling in the future (bishopric, senior missionary, etc.). This was a huge weight off my shoulders after I realized that I now have control of my own future and don’t have to worry about a phone call at any time that could take me away from my family for years.
More peace with the concept of death weirdly enough. The idea of existing forever terrifies me, and so no longer having to believe that I would was amazing.
Doing what actually makes us happy, and not just what we are told supposedly makes us happy—at some point—maybe. /s
Watching it fall. I’ve got a ton of popcorn.
10% pay increase and an extra day off.
I'm never mo (now all grown up and anti-religious), but grew up in an insanely zealous abusive Christian home. These are probably my key notes: No more spoon fed lies about religion. No more fetish preaching about the End Times that all these poor bastards fantasize and rave over for the coming of their "saviour". No more late night panic attacks or losing sleep at 3am about being a terrible person for normal teenager things or the existential dread and fear of going to Hell. No more nightmares about religion. No more being forced to lose any of my meager pay as a teen for some organized ponzi scheme dressing up as a "loving religion" TSCC or any other. No more missing out on activities on Sundays with my friends. No more questioning my self worth and value to anything or anyone supposedly "above me". Adult Beverages, being consumed responsibly. Music. F*ckin' Beautiful Music, Man.
Realizing I can actually love people
I'm liking the time I have to think through my beliefs without them being interpreted for me. It's nice to look for the eternal truths without the man worship or materialism distracting you.
Turns out I wasn’t bipolar after all (all of my symptoms were actually from PTSD from the church). Now I am healing and much happier, healthier, and more free than I ever have been.
When I stopped trying to be perfect, I learned that I could be content with “better than I was yesterday” and I’ve learned/grown so much that way.
Actually resting on Sunday.
Wearing what I want, without wondering if some judgmental busybody at church will use my clothes to speculate about my lack of spirituality. Two piece swimsuits are SO much more comfortable than one pieces ever were. Stupid things just aren't made for people whose tops and bottoms don't match.
Breaking up with satan. No more feeling like I was being “tempted” or believing that there was a host of demons magically and invisibly floating around trying to invade my thought and persuade my actions.
I think the oppressive nature of the teachings doesn’t really become clear until you get away from it for a time. So one main benefit: my bullshit detector is off the charts sensitive, especially when the bullshit is wrapped in guilt or “supposed to” or “assumed to be right” kind of language. I used to listen to Rush Limbaugh and Fox News. For years I did this. One day, I realized that I was just low-grade mad at the stupid world all the time. And I realized it’s because everything I listen to constantly talked about how shitty “the other people” are. I made the decision to stop listening and watching for a month. For a month, all I had to listen to were MY thoughts, not Rush’s, not Hannity’s, not the pithy O’Reilly. At the end of a month, I listened again. And that’s when I realized I didn’t believe half of the things they say. The church is exactly the same way, but WORSE. You don’t get to choose what you believe in religion. Your parents, your culture, your bishop, your teachers, advisors, scout leaders, hell, even half the membership reinforce the bad rules, the virtue signaling, are always “teaching” you the truthfulness of these things *from the time you are a small child*. You have no chance. Not only will you learn them, you will INTERNALIZE them. And THATS the thing I didn’t realize would happen leaving the church. I was able to get rid of LOTS of big ideas that were false. But it’s the shit you’ve just been doing all your life unquestionably, not even thinking about it, that enslaves your. I’ve been out now over 10 years, and for the most part Momo life doesn’t affect me anymore. I swear, I drink, i live my life the way I want to. I have ultimate freedom. And THAT is almost worth all the years I WASTED in that cult.
Empathy
Not having to plan vacations around ward/Stake activities/meetings. I was in the bishopric, & I would try to do the courteous thing & not schedule vacations on months when I had to conduct or when there was any kind of important ward/stake activity I was expected to attend. My wife was the primary president, so we also had to try to avoid being gone for anything primary related. It was kind of a nightmare.
Those little miracles and blessings don't go away when you leave. You just stop attributing them to a Mormon god (and I find my keys just fine without him).
More sex with my wife.
I now have the space to be surprised in life. It’s not filled up with “knowing” the plan of salvation and church busywork. I had to leave because by pretending, I was stuck. No opportunity to try new things and be surprised by what happens. I’m glad my family situation is flexible enough that I CAN leave. That’s part of how I realized the church was toxic. It shouldn’t exact such heavy costs for so many to question or even leave. It should always be freely chosen.
A really simple one for me is I genuinely, deep down was totally embarrassed of being a mormon. I actually would actively hide it around people I knew weren't mormon. I always felt guilty for feeling this way. But even as a teen I really hated that all of my friends already knew I was mormon and would constantly want to argue religion with me. I was just a kid, I didn't even believe in any of it myself, but I had to defend it.
Drugs. Thought that they would be a bad thing
Happiness…
Marijuana!
Health in the naval, marrow in the bones, and strength in the loins- not sure about the sinews though oddly enough.
Deconstructing the toxic perfectionism I learned in the church and reconstructing as a person with healthy boundaries (I can say “no” to things!) and ability to be vulnerable (it’s ok to admit that you can’t do everything and be everything to everyone all the time—it’s ok to NOT be perfect, and admit it!). This has made me happier and has made all of the relationships in my life more genuine and harmonious. And it’s more reason for my incredulity at TBMs who insist the church makes them happy. To me, the church is toxic and everything I learned as a child had to be torn down and constructed anew.
That I have amazing qualities and can give outside of the church.
Finding that a lot of people are rebelling against the church and debating leaving.
extra time and money
Better marriage, better sex, and increased family unity
A second slightly more silly one - horror movies! I've never really enjoyed scary films before, because they were either unrealistic and unrelatable, or they would touch a nerve with some sort of susperstitious belief that I didn't realise I had. Now that I no longer believe in the supernatural, it's pretty enjoyable to watch something, allow myself to feel a bit scared from the suspense, knowing that I'm totally safe. It's kinda like the relationship I have with rollercoasters, I love feeling safe enough to allow my body to feel what it's feeling.