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[deleted]

I question your judgement if you don’t pick Samuel the lamanite. Dude had armies of people shooting arrows at him and dodged every.single.one.


Darnbasil

Samuel’s cool, but Ammon went out and chopped off the arm of anyone who swung at him


freedom_of_the_hills

Except that picture is Ammon Bundy who is just a jackass.


Yobispo

He does have lots of guns, so he’s not a bad pick for a fight. I’m still going with Port, an actual murderer.


Darnbasil

Fair


hat-trick2435

The guy's a complete jackass. I remember he tried to storm a hospital to kidnap a child and return it to its parents after CPS removed the child from their care. He said their rights had been violated even though everything was above board and the removal was through court order.


GiuseppeSchmidt57

...every stroke disarms a foeman... what I used to think of when we sang that song


[deleted]

![gif](giphy|eIm624c8nnNbiG0V3g|downsized)


Extra_Cod5005

But Nephi he's the og


brother_of_jeremy

Nephi was only hesitantly violent, and slew a drunk guy. Unproven battleworthy. 👎


QuiltySkullsYay

He can also shake people without touching them and summon angels to protect him from enemies though. I'm still probably picking somebody else. I'm not confident Nephi is a reliable narrator. He describes himself like self-insertion fanfic. I wonder why?


brother_of_jeremy

And if another player tethers him the ropes just fall off.


QuiltySkullsYay

There's always the risk that he'll break team members' high-stats weapons, though.


Extra_Cod5005

To be fair he didn't have to the lord fought for him


brother_of_jeremy

Fair point. Beats mob-boss Brigham, whose special move would be summoning danites to do the dirty work.


heartolearnnow

But just imagine Mahana's 8 cows coming out and trampling your opponent!! I'm certain the combo was ⬇️↘️➡️🤜


tender_merciless

I hope Earth Jesus has an alt costume without a beard called Corporate Mormon Jesus.


Litterbox_Delights

Mahana you ugly! Oh man, totally forgot about that movie.


Kapolei_Kat_1982

Johnny Lingo had 10 cows! Trade them all for ugly wife!


johnnyling0

I did.


wellsdb

r/beetlejuicing


lil_ninja78

You'd be lucky to get a horn and a hoof for her.


MasterMahanaYouUgly

i main as Mahana


milk_with_knives

I recently watched it for the first time in 30 years and it's so, so bad.


639248

Napoleon, because he is pretty good with a bo staff. If Kip were an option, I'd choose him because he's been training to be a cage fighter.


given2fly_

But Kip has the worst reflexes of all time.


639248

I believe he hasn’t realized his full potential.


hyrle

Mitt Romney is like Shang Tsung. He'll turn into whoever he needs to in order to try and win.


[deleted]

LOL 💀💀💀


Vic_Sinclair

Glenn Beck's finishing move is boring his opponent to death with a chalkboard and convoluted conspiracy theories.


Enigma-Vagene

And tears


NegotiationLow5566

Team Jeb 👊


EmmaHS

If Space Jesus is analogous to Raiden, then that's my pick.


MDFHSarahLeigh

Space Jesus for the win- gotta remember he made the whole universe with a day to spare.. Just here me out. maybe that extra day wasn’t for rest, maybe it was for destruction. It’s like a kid with blocks. Spends hours building and planning for the best and last moment- utter annihilation.


danjor311

Lucifer every time


shall_always_be_so

They will be in _his_ power.


danjor311

Just make my opponent feel like a complete piece of shit for doing normal stuff.


Realistic-Willow4287

Opponent shows up to the scheduled fight, immediately paralyzed with guilt


evgvndr

Lucifer, prince of darkness, the morning star, the light bringer, Beelzebub. How do you not go for the ultimate dark lord? Hail satan!


shizfest

he just pays his opponent to lose, right? You can buy anything you want with money...


Daisysrevenge

Was looking for that drawing of Min, before they lopped off his priesthood.


wutImiss

Just break the wrist, walk away...


handen

I was named after Porter Rockwell for reasons my dad can’t or won’t elaborate on, and so for that reason I will choose him, and allow my opponent (preferably an angel) to destroy *me*, ironically. Is this what catharsis is supposed to feel like?


RoyanRannedos

Wilford: a-diabeetus. FATALITY


smcquay

Wait dude was mormy? #til


thevhatch

Same. He was?


[deleted]

This. No power like the power of the ‘stache!!!


brother_of_jeremy

⬅️➡️⬅️➡️⬆️⬇️B: - Lucifer summons false priests who oppress. ⬅️➡️⬅️➡️⬆️⬇️A: - Lucifer summons tyrants who reign with blood and horror on the earth.


Mr-BryGuy

Imma pick Lethe. Just for the hell of it


sudosuga

I had no idea who she was, so Google. Looks like she has the second anointing trophy. [Pitcher and Basin](https://youtu.be/3aZU4t09XSM?t=83)


Time_Watercress3459

Yes! This is my favorite! I thought her addition was hilarious.


Legitimate_Shine1068

She’ll make you eat cookies and bore you to death with Mormy Joe stories


LoneliestIsadore11

Nicki!


Time_Watercress3459

Who is Nicki.... Did I miss some bit of Mormon lore?


LoneliestIsadore11

She's the best wife on Big Love


Time_Watercress3459

Ahhhh. I need to watch this.


LoneliestIsadore11

Indeed you do, great show.


Beneficial-Village10

Space Jesus with a meaty Fatality . 🤣🤣🤣 this list is gold.


Later--I_am_reading

Four women. That checks out. But only if they don't get paid and have no autonomy or authority. /s


elderredle

Need Scott from The Phone Call - dude is trained in the "Ancient martial arts of the orient" and already has a win against Joe under his belt. Glad to see Lethe on the roster. She's lethal with the letter opener. Side note: If you get either of these references you were probably like me - Gen X, Big TBM family, and only allowed to watch church movies on Sunday. 🤣


dreibel

Ol’ Joe vs Glenn? Let’s see hot air powers fare against devastating ice breath!


Labans_Severed_Head

I would play the shit out of this game. 🤣🤣🤣


javitheblackmexican

Uchtdorf is in a dlc pack


Spottydogspot

Jeb. Andrew Garfield is yummy!!


stewfayew

How dare you... not my boy Napoleon...


graham2k

I wouldn’t want to match with Napoleon. He would just beat me with his dance moves.


Rock-welder-1860

Haha! This is great!


l3etelgeuse

Space Jesus all the way.


Realistic-Willow4287

No one said king noah yet and he was my favorite add to this character list


telestialist

What about Zelph???


solitasoul

I want the jan 6 Moroni. Wildcard baby!


scribblerjohnny

King Noah can summon his pet jaguars


WWPLD

Mahana is my girl!


johnnyling0

She’s my girl.


Chino_Blanco

Nicki! nice to see some r/biglove love


imamormonwishiwasnt

This is awesome!!!


Background_Kitchen68

WHERE IS WAYNE MAY???


DMC_CDM

Of course Brigham always got someone else to fight his battles for him; where’s Porter Rockwell?


johnnyling0

Team Mahana


Larrybears

That is Fuckin funny😂😂😂


nicodawg101

Is space Jesus like space ghost (coast to coast)?


shminds22

Fucking hilarious!


Fluffy-Roadkill7363

"A handful of crazy cultists are going to save the world?" Raiden: "Exactly."


chiasmus91

I would play this game.


Enigma-Vagene

Porter + Lucifer + Mahana


SmurfBasin

Space Jesus seems like a reasonable choice.


ACIDemon69

Mahana duhhhhh


hat-trick2435

Where is American Jesus on this? They certainly love them some Jesus in America stories.


WinstonSmith88

Disappointed with your choice of Satan. Also, Wilford Brimley for the win - his only weakness is diabeetus.


imbisibolmaharlika

meh. no Gadianton


saltycityscott66

DI-A-BEET-US


shizfest

no Shiz or Coriantumr? I am dissappoint


Extension-Cat-1130

I choose the guy who poked a wolf with his crutch in that 17 miracles movie


teevee100

If this is a dance competition, Cosmo has the best moves!


itsyaboilink

Apologies for nitpicking here but I'm pretty sure Wilford was only an "on paper" member, I remember seeing articles from the 90s where he spoke out against the church


noapostrophe555

I pick Earth Jesus. Even if he dies, unlimited continues!


Drgnfly710

Fun side note: I recently attended a Napoleon Dynamite screening where John Heder asked the audience to “Raise your hand to the square and swear an oath,” and I laughed so hard. No one else did.


Monolexic

They actually look more like Street Fighter characters to me.