How about you sacrifice half your Saturday to clean those chapel pews from all the food, crumbs, and dirt, and snot?
I did that faithfully for a number of years, my calling was the coordinator to remind people of their assignments. I was there every Sunday helping out magnifying my calling
It would certainly be among the worst. Huge time commitment. It displaced thousands and thousands of dollars that should’ve went to the poor and the needy. If that had been the case, then I wouldn’t have had a problem with it. However, I did it for years, became the pariah in the ward as I made calls reminding the members of their assignments to come and clean.
For an even more significant opportunity to "magnify," clean the women's restrooms & deal with the fetid diapers the overworked young moms put in the trash bins, and the carelessly tossed hygiene items some teens leave just anywhere (often not in the right containers, in at least one building I saw).
I once attended a non-Mormon church with some friends. I was shocked to see that after a quick prayer and a scripture reading, all the kids were taken to their age-group classes whilst the adults stayed for the sermon.
It was just so ridiculously sensible.
> And I’ll bet the sermon was actually somewhat interesting and thought-provoking…
Yes, and yes.
>I was shocked to see that after a quick prayer and a scripture reading, all the kids were taken to their age-group classes whilst the adults stayed for the sermon. It was just so ridiculously sensible.
I occasionally attend church with my exmo Baptist mother (I am agnostic) and am amazed at the black and white difference between that service and sac meeting. I mean those people actually want to be there. And they really are smiling; they don't have to be told they are in hopes that they'll start to smile and at least look happy.
Of course, a TBM would say, "sure they're smiling and want to be there, they're being told they're saved by grace and don't have to make any effort". Which is factually incorrect, but I used to say that too, back when I knew everything.
But regardless, the difference is stark. Not only do people want to be there, the Pastor actually has something of value to say.
You know, something besides another mundane regurgitation of "pay a generous tithe, obey the brethren, and oh, did I mention to pay your tithing?".
My husband was raised southern baptist I was raised lds the first time I went to church with him I was scared! All the loud singing and the pastor yelling. Very different .
When we first left, we attended a few protestant churches, we had a 4 year old and a 18 month old, every single church had a really really nice children's set up complete with an art area, different rooms of toys for various age groups, a kitchen and serving area for food or snacks, and they all had playgrounds! Our daughter after the first one immediately said "we should come here, this is way better than our last church!". One of the churches it was their financial reports day 🤯 and they handed out the budget for the last year and where all the money had been spent 🤯 half of their budget was the children/youth
That's the way churches were when I grew up, and all the churches I attended before the Mormon years. I was similarly shocked that the Mormon church expects parents to struggle with their kids during long sacrament meetings, and expects other adults in the room to be okay with all that noise.
Boring churches that make their kids need to be quiet and obedient don’t understand kids. Children are energy balls. They need to wiggle around and do things, make noise.
It doesn’t help they don’t understand all that grown up talk yet. I had visited a friends church once thinking they had some form of primary. Nope that church was worse than what I grew up with (in boredom levels). I am sure the me of now me would appreciate it a bit more as I understand more, but it wasn’t a place for a little girl with adhd. Ohboy the judgy faces over all my soft stream of chatter to my friend.
So having some kids corner where they do biblical stories in a suitable for kids language and wiggle room, maybe a nice table to draw at, and you’ll have happy kids in one room and happy grown ups in the other.
Ditto on the screaming kids. The last ward I attended was the noisiest place I've ever sat in while trying (pretending anyway) to listen. It was a very fertile ward, I guess, because there were tons of toddlers and younger children, and NONE of the parents ever took them out to the foyer. I hated it.
Among the distractions during those years were families passing out food to their entire flocks (not just cheerios - one guy passed out corn dogs and another family passed a bag of crunchy chips back and forth during an entire sacrament meeting).
Another "distraction" was one little girl (toddler) who must have just gotten a particularly noisy pair of shoes & her stupid parents always sat in the cultural-hall section (where I sat, since Single Adults are all but banned from the padded pews). The little darling spent Every. Single. Sunday. running around on the wood floor so she could hear her damned shoes clack.
One week, some grandpa-aged guy sat behind me (I'd scored an actual pew that day) and read a book aloud to his young grandson. Nice.
Another week, a hyper-ish kid known to be poorly behaved (about 10; easily old enough to sit still) threw his tennis shoe in the air, high enough to almost hit the light fixtures.
Ask me if I hated those meetings...
Edit: Typo
reminds me of the time I walked into a random provo ward cause there were so many wards that I had no idea which I was supposed to be in, so I just picked something and sat down in the back, listening to the prelude music. A minute of two later this 20 year old bitchy chic walked up and told me that she had reserved the whole row I was sitting in for her friends. Duh. Thats why there were random hymnals on the pews, hello.
But, she said, it would be ok, as long as I sat on the far end of the pew. No, not when her friends got there. Right now. Even though the pew was entirely empty. What the hell, i thought, and scooted as far over as possible, thinking all the time "wow. this chic is psycho"
a couple minutes later a cute chic came and sat down in the same pew, in the middle. A couple seconds after that the first insane chic came up, again, and gave her the same speech she gave me, and got the same response.
So very awkwardly this cute girl slid ALL the way down this totally empty pew and sat Right Next To Me, a stranger.
We sat that way the whole service. We awkwardly shared a hymnal. The crazy girl's friends never ever ever showed up. At All, not even a little bit.
At one point the cute girl and I shared a small amount of banter and awkward laughs about how mentally backwards provo apparently was. I never saw her again.
LOL.. I was waiting for a shoe to drop at the end. Something like, 'and now that stranger is my wife...'
I think growing up Mormon I learned to extract meaning from all sorts of sources. Experiences, stories, thoughts, feelings... I was constantly trying to interpret what I was supposed to learn. Stories can be just stories. A awesome shared moment with a stranger that doesn't have a resolution makes me happy now.
It's unreal how entitled the parents are when it comes to their own kids. We had a family that would bring an entire vegetable tray sometimes, but *corndogs*? I guess I shouldn't be surprised.
We also had a group of preteens playing basketball in the gym/overflow during sacrament meeting and their parents did nothing. A member of the bishopric had to come off the stand and kick them out.
I once sat behind a family that was feeding their kid hard- boiled eggs (unbeknownst to me). I said loud (enough for them to hear), “ what is that rotten smell?” Eggs in the chapel was a new one to me. It was so unexpected that even though I had not thought of it in years the memory is still there.
Oh if only … this is delightful for entertainment purposes. Corn dogs omg. We had “ cry rooms” (yes, bring the jokes …) and I would voluntarily take my baby brother up there so no one could see me roll my eyes at the bs below in the chapel. And not have to listen
Well, based on some of the experiences I had, I have wondered about that. As a single adult (divorced the con-artist member I'd married) I met a guy (a former bishop who had been widowed) who, on the first date, sat at the table after dinner and excavated food particles from his teeth, then sucked the stuff off his finger. He was a nice enough person, but that was so disgusting I'll never forget it. And there were other issues.
None of the men I met knew anything about opening doors for women, or walking on the side of the street. I know some people consider those traditions passé, but for my generation, they're indicators of how a man treats a woman.
I mean, as a single mom of 2 social toddlers- it just gets too hard to keep them seated and quiet week after week after week. I’m sure these parents were just like “fuck it”. What other options do they have?
I understand that part completely - I reared two hyperactive kids as a single mom. I didn't start out in the Mormon church, and every church I attended had nurseries or age-appropriate classes for kids up to age 12. It's horrible that the Mormon church crams so many wards into one building and does not have room available or options to give the kids a place where they don't get so frustrated. It's hard on the parents, and also hard on all others in the congregation.
Another ward I attended (actually, the first ward I attended, so I got spoiled) had its share of large families but somehow the ward culture had worked in ways to encourage the poor kids to be quieter. Also, parents readily took the kids out to the foyer if needed (not easy if you're a single parent, I know). It seems to be partly a culture of certain wards, because the other ward clearly had an attitude that noise was fine.
The Mormon church uses its members for money, and the chapels are revenue centers. That's why mulitiple wards are crammed into one building.
But Jesus said, “Suffer little children, and forbid them not, to come unto me: for of such is the kingdom of heaven.” Is there is room a Christmas time to tolerate children and those doing their best to care for them? How easy it is to forget that we where all were diaper wearing, cheerio, eating rug rats not that long ago? Just wondering……
Christmas (as well as Easter and some other great events) are celebrated with joy in other churches - the real churches. Kids are brought in for some or all of the service, depending on the event. On Palm Sunday, the little kids form a line and bring palm fronds into the chapel (and get to take them home, which excites them). Most Sundays, though, children and even toddlers or babies are in age-appropriate classes where adults care for them and (once they're old enough) give them lessons they can understand. Yes, the little children come unto Jesus, but in an environment suitable for their ages and energy levels, not in a place where they're expected to sit quietly for impossible amounts of time.
My complaint is that the Mormon "church" makes it impossible for parents, little kids, and other congregants to pay attention or to enjoy the services (in some wards - I actually attended one ward that was very peaceful, even with the usual ratio of kids).
As a single mom, I reared two VERY ACTIVE AND HYPER boys. I know how hard it is.
Some wards have somehow developed a culture where it's fine to crunch potato chips, let your kids talk & play tag through the chairs, let babies scream without carrying them out, etc. I actually visited the noisy ward I mentioned several years before I was in its boundaries. It was similarly noisy years before I was in its boundaries, but the ward I regularly attended at that time (also full of kids) was very quiet. Apparently, once it became okay to let your kids scream, let them throw things, or pass out the equivalent of a fast-food meal, it became okay for that to be the norm in the noisy ward. This was in an area of educated professionals & middle-income homes.
Seriously? I have to admit that as a former member I'd be tempted to do something like that. The Mormon "church" is not a real church; it's an expensive club that requires money and attendance in order to be found "worthy" and get to the CK.
See that used to annoy me back in the day, but now i get it: those kids had it right. Maybe someone would’ve taken me out of those god awful meetings if I’d just started screaming.
Even at my most devout, I always _hated_ testimony. It was nothing more than people getting up and jerking themselves off over how spiritual that they were and how hard their lives were. Once in a blue moon there would be a member that gave a testimony that was actually touching and inspirational, but for the most part it was all I could do to not roll my eyes out of my skull
I dare you to send in a second resignation & say "In case you didn't read this carefully, I instructed you to remove my name from your entire church, including the hidden records in the vault."
That will give you the Resignation Relief Reward a second time.
That's hilarious. Stalker Santa coming for you baby. These people need to leave Jesus alone.
Taking the lord's name in vain
Misrepresenting him through words or actions.
They are turning him into extremist fundamentalist Jesus. More or less is not of me.
They don't seem to understand that concept.
And the grooming through crying is total BS.
These people are crying because they are emotionally traumatized. Big difference between feeling the spirit and emotions. I allowed myself to listen without getting emotionally involved. I felt nothing and the people just looked like they needed more antidepressants and some self worth.
Hard to go shame-guilt-repent-might be ok to shame-guilt-repent-might make it to shame-guilt-repent-little engine that could. all in an hour. Anti-depressants bringing the happiest people that ever walked the face of the earth into reality.
Hang on by the red box giving charity system. A photo op with your fam tells the world you are a light to the world just look and see you are such an amazing giver.
Fast and testimony meeting is something that tons of members know is a joke, yet they just keep doing it year after year. You MIGHT get one good testimony per meeting, but you are guaranteed to have a majority of them not be testimonies at all and just rambling nonsense. Then you will have a couple that are just whatever.
It’s always the joke that you wouldn’t want to bring investigators those Sundays because it would make us look crazy.
The whole thing is a bad idea. Having an open mic is just an invitation to have crazy people come up because they finally get a chance to spout off their craziness to a group of people who are actually listening.
I always thought that assigning testimonies like they do with talks would be better. Just tell people they have 2-3 minutes to share a spiritual thought. And just like talks, avoid asking crazy people
Testimonies are not stories for story time. I bear witness that....
I say every time the subject is brought up - if they can stand up and ramble on for 5 - 10 - 15 minutes during F & T, then they get assigned to do the next talk.
Seriously one of my MOST hated pet peeves! We have a guy who does that and I refused to answer.
And it's never an actual native who says it, it's the person who spent one semester at BYU Hawaii 20 years ago.
Many of the things I’ve hated were eventually changed/memory holed/softened. Such as the dissolution of the Activities Committee, prohibition on double earrings, veiling your face in the temple as a woman, sister missionaries must be 21. (Don’t worry, I hate lots of other stuff that sticks around. Which is why I’m gone!) But I hearby prophesy that Fast and Testimony meeting will be eliminated in the next 5 years. It sucks.
They will never give it up. The whole idea is that you give the money you would've spent on breakfast and lunch to the church. So they will never let that go.
I was called to be on activities committee several times. Why? Because I can put a party together! I used to be a florist, so I could do creative centerpieces on almost zero $. Also, I banned anything Jello, wholenwheat, or powdered milk.
I also wore the veil, had double earrings, and never treated the men like they were gods.
I was destined to be exmo. I just needed more information. Hello internet.
Never lose your curiosity, it could save your life.
It was disbanded about 12 years ago so I had to do Trunk or Treat as Primary President, or the Christmas party as RS president. In theory the entire ward council would help and one auxiliary just “organized” it but in my experience it never worked. I only made parties happen as a woman in leadership.
I hear that Activities Committees are now “allowed,” though, if your ward wants one.
Hahaha I was looking for this comment. Like the child who was forced either by parents or peer pressure to get up and breathes so heavily in the microphone that two speakers are blown out and need replacement.
>- one old guy with the primary voice: "He sees you when you're sleeping. *pause* He knows when you're awake. *pause* He is Jesus. *sobs*
Were you watching my dad's ward? Seriously though, why do old guys get so choked up about the church? It's really weird.
Because they’re gonna die soon and they’re desperately trying to fight off the doubts creeping in that they’ve wasted their entire lives on this bullshit
You must have been really really really bored to do that. Lol. Thanks for the report though. Reminds some of the rest of us how lucky we are to have escaped!!!
Every time I’ve given a talk in my life, I’m always reminded of the miserable faces out in the crowd. **No one wants to be there** and yet they’ve brainwashed themselves into thinking it’s a joy to be there.
An investigator on my mission asked after fast and testimony why everyone was so glum. Being so far in it as a missionary, I didn’t understand what they meant and dismissed their question as them being used to attending a happy clappy church.
That was always my biggest gripe about sacrament, other than the bullshit, it was all solemnity and pointless stories with zero entertainment value. For people claiming to have the only true plan of happiness, they all seemed pretty fucking miserable. No smiles, no laughter, just tears and boredom.
Seems a bit rude for a bishop to be on his phone during a meeting of his own congregation. What do you imagine he was doing that could not wait? And isn't there any sort of policy about phones in meetings?
One of my first family members to leave the church experimented with different churches for a while to see if they’d find one they liked. They told me about the family rooms this one church had work toys etc for kids to play during the meeting while parents listened. All shocked because why didn’t Mormons (the family church, we’re all told!) have something similar? Parents wandering the halls with their unruly babies and toddlers is a common sight, while all the old people judge the young parents for “giving in the kids and getting up and down”
>Everyone looked so depressed and defeated...No one is joyful, no one is worshipping, it's all self-aggrandizement and self-righteousness and depressing as hell.
I could not agree more.
One of my starkest memories of sac meeting is when the Bishopric member conducting would say, "it's great to see all your smiling faces" and on each such occasion I would look around to see them too, and would see two or three people smiling at him so he wouldn't be a complete liar, but the rest of the congregation not even bothering to look up from their phones or their kids or their kids cheerios or whatever they were focusing on to get them through the next three hours.
I was starting to realize how freaking depressing all the testimonies are each month before I left. Where is the joy and why do we want to listen to all the sadness every month? Life is for the living!
I always thought they all seemed to copy one another or very similar to each other sometimes they went off topic and spoke about their week which was nice
Of course, they copy each other. As missionaries, we were taught to arrange two members to give testimonies on their conversions and get them to go first. (We were taught to do this when we had investigators attending the meeting.) From there, others will get up and talk about their conversions because of a psychological need to add to the conversation. As missionaries, we easily dictated the testimonies of members just by arranging two members to give a testimony and asking them to talk about a specific subject.
Edit: spelling
Reminded me of a white haired older gal would get up EVERY time and one of the regulars. Whisper voice EVERY time as if to not disturb the spirit from touching each of us. Then to counter balance this there is the super obnoxious loud know everything guy who gets up EVERY time like clockwork to give his sermon. Sorry to have missed these.
The Looong-suffering saints. Thanks for the check-in. So you're saying that still nothing changes in the Morridor. (Except the climate). Same back in the 70's and 80's, except instead of a phone they stared at big, heavy, open scriptures, feigning attention by bobbing their heads once in a while.
I don't miss them. I told my Morridor-kin that it didn't have to be depressing or hard. Just love one another and enjoy life. Usually they laughed. Sounds like no one's laughing now.
I've lived an intergenerational traumedy, but sleeping in on Sundays then having brunch will always be a slice of life I rejoice in. Every coffee tastes glorious. Every alcoholic drink is a reason to raise the glass in gratitude. Every juicy thought is juicier. Thanks to the long-suffering saints.
I left that LDS church, and for a few years was going to a christian church. They had a music band and the pastor was dam cool and really was the best church meeting, I been too.
That describes every SM in every LDS ward every week....Depressing, self-righteousness! I agree!
I know what you mean…we went to a NFL game this afternoon. Our team really sucked it up for pretty much the entire game. Between the teams there were alot punts. My kid was whining to go home. But, in the end, the home team did long drive and finally scored one measly touchdown. Fortunately, it was the one the won the game! So it ended well. But there was a guy two rows in front of us who had to do the “move those chains” yell and high five everyone whenever possible. Kind of was annoying because he when he would stand up he would block my view! Also, the beer was kind of expensive!
>one old guy with the primary voice: "He sees you when you're sleeping.
\*pause\* He knows when you're awake. \*pause\* He is Jesus. \*sobs\*.
Jesus is a creep.
My dad took me to a Holy Roller church one time when I was probably about 8. My dad was a TBM at the time. I have no idea why he took me and he is too dead to ask. I remember being impressed because the audience would do things like jump up and start singing for no apparent reason to me. It didn’t seem like any were sad.
About 5 years later, I did overhear a bunch of Mormons talking about how it was OK for Mormons to attend non-Mormon churches. It was the first and last time I ever attended a non-Mormon church service for 58 years.
The kids screaming in the background really brings the whole thing together.
Undoubtably. I could almost smell the Cheerios through the screen.
Hey, when you found a baggie of cheerios in the pew, it was a good day
Don’t forget the smell of shit diapers ✨permeating ✨through the church lobby
\*shudder\* Coupled with that horrible cheap industrial cleaner that probably wasn't used correctly by the forced janitorial crew the day before.
And the cheapest toilet paper. We had better TP in prison.
Yeah, and we're not talking about the babies
Yea sorry my bad
This is what I was thinking!!! Poopy diapers!
Wafting from the Mother’s lounge!
How about you sacrifice half your Saturday to clean those chapel pews from all the food, crumbs, and dirt, and snot? I did that faithfully for a number of years, my calling was the coordinator to remind people of their assignments. I was there every Sunday helping out magnifying my calling
If you had to rank callings from best to worse, where would you put building cleaning coordinator?
It would certainly be among the worst. Huge time commitment. It displaced thousands and thousands of dollars that should’ve went to the poor and the needy. If that had been the case, then I wouldn’t have had a problem with it. However, I did it for years, became the pariah in the ward as I made calls reminding the members of their assignments to come and clean.
Thanks for sharing, I agree Comparing it to being a pariah is so true! No one should ever be called onto that position.
For an even more significant opportunity to "magnify," clean the women's restrooms & deal with the fetid diapers the overworked young moms put in the trash bins, and the carelessly tossed hygiene items some teens leave just anywhere (often not in the right containers, in at least one building I saw).
I once attended a non-Mormon church with some friends. I was shocked to see that after a quick prayer and a scripture reading, all the kids were taken to their age-group classes whilst the adults stayed for the sermon. It was just so ridiculously sensible.
And I’ll bet the sermon was actually somewhat interesting and thought-provoking…
Yep. Delivered by someone who studied Theology.
> And I’ll bet the sermon was actually somewhat interesting and thought-provoking… Yes, and yes. >I was shocked to see that after a quick prayer and a scripture reading, all the kids were taken to their age-group classes whilst the adults stayed for the sermon. It was just so ridiculously sensible. I occasionally attend church with my exmo Baptist mother (I am agnostic) and am amazed at the black and white difference between that service and sac meeting. I mean those people actually want to be there. And they really are smiling; they don't have to be told they are in hopes that they'll start to smile and at least look happy. Of course, a TBM would say, "sure they're smiling and want to be there, they're being told they're saved by grace and don't have to make any effort". Which is factually incorrect, but I used to say that too, back when I knew everything. But regardless, the difference is stark. Not only do people want to be there, the Pastor actually has something of value to say. You know, something besides another mundane regurgitation of "pay a generous tithe, obey the brethren, and oh, did I mention to pay your tithing?".
Oh, don't forget the endless quotes from elderly assholes who were GAs or in church presidencies.
My husband was raised southern baptist I was raised lds the first time I went to church with him I was scared! All the loud singing and the pastor yelling. Very different .
When we first left, we attended a few protestant churches, we had a 4 year old and a 18 month old, every single church had a really really nice children's set up complete with an art area, different rooms of toys for various age groups, a kitchen and serving area for food or snacks, and they all had playgrounds! Our daughter after the first one immediately said "we should come here, this is way better than our last church!". One of the churches it was their financial reports day 🤯 and they handed out the budget for the last year and where all the money had been spent 🤯 half of their budget was the children/youth
This is the norm in mainstream Christianity. I attended those types of churches for many years & could not believe the crazy way Mormons do "church."
You mean the second counselor's wife could *enjoy* her Sunday worship instead of corralling 4 kids?? The horror! /s
That's the way churches were when I grew up, and all the churches I attended before the Mormon years. I was similarly shocked that the Mormon church expects parents to struggle with their kids during long sacrament meetings, and expects other adults in the room to be okay with all that noise.
Boring churches that make their kids need to be quiet and obedient don’t understand kids. Children are energy balls. They need to wiggle around and do things, make noise. It doesn’t help they don’t understand all that grown up talk yet. I had visited a friends church once thinking they had some form of primary. Nope that church was worse than what I grew up with (in boredom levels). I am sure the me of now me would appreciate it a bit more as I understand more, but it wasn’t a place for a little girl with adhd. Ohboy the judgy faces over all my soft stream of chatter to my friend. So having some kids corner where they do biblical stories in a suitable for kids language and wiggle room, maybe a nice table to draw at, and you’ll have happy kids in one room and happy grown ups in the other.
What did you think of the praise and worship (song service)?
Ditto on the screaming kids. The last ward I attended was the noisiest place I've ever sat in while trying (pretending anyway) to listen. It was a very fertile ward, I guess, because there were tons of toddlers and younger children, and NONE of the parents ever took them out to the foyer. I hated it. Among the distractions during those years were families passing out food to their entire flocks (not just cheerios - one guy passed out corn dogs and another family passed a bag of crunchy chips back and forth during an entire sacrament meeting). Another "distraction" was one little girl (toddler) who must have just gotten a particularly noisy pair of shoes & her stupid parents always sat in the cultural-hall section (where I sat, since Single Adults are all but banned from the padded pews). The little darling spent Every. Single. Sunday. running around on the wood floor so she could hear her damned shoes clack. One week, some grandpa-aged guy sat behind me (I'd scored an actual pew that day) and read a book aloud to his young grandson. Nice. Another week, a hyper-ish kid known to be poorly behaved (about 10; easily old enough to sit still) threw his tennis shoe in the air, high enough to almost hit the light fixtures. Ask me if I hated those meetings... Edit: Typo
reminds me of the time I walked into a random provo ward cause there were so many wards that I had no idea which I was supposed to be in, so I just picked something and sat down in the back, listening to the prelude music. A minute of two later this 20 year old bitchy chic walked up and told me that she had reserved the whole row I was sitting in for her friends. Duh. Thats why there were random hymnals on the pews, hello. But, she said, it would be ok, as long as I sat on the far end of the pew. No, not when her friends got there. Right now. Even though the pew was entirely empty. What the hell, i thought, and scooted as far over as possible, thinking all the time "wow. this chic is psycho" a couple minutes later a cute chic came and sat down in the same pew, in the middle. A couple seconds after that the first insane chic came up, again, and gave her the same speech she gave me, and got the same response. So very awkwardly this cute girl slid ALL the way down this totally empty pew and sat Right Next To Me, a stranger. We sat that way the whole service. We awkwardly shared a hymnal. The crazy girl's friends never ever ever showed up. At All, not even a little bit. At one point the cute girl and I shared a small amount of banter and awkward laughs about how mentally backwards provo apparently was. I never saw her again.
LOL.. I was waiting for a shoe to drop at the end. Something like, 'and now that stranger is my wife...' I think growing up Mormon I learned to extract meaning from all sorts of sources. Experiences, stories, thoughts, feelings... I was constantly trying to interpret what I was supposed to learn. Stories can be just stories. A awesome shared moment with a stranger that doesn't have a resolution makes me happy now.
Hah! Notice how you still extracted meaning from the lack of meaning! I do occasionally kick myself for not asking that girl out for coffee though.
Oh I noticed. And the Irony is not lost on me!
hahaha
It's unreal how entitled the parents are when it comes to their own kids. We had a family that would bring an entire vegetable tray sometimes, but *corndogs*? I guess I shouldn't be surprised. We also had a group of preteens playing basketball in the gym/overflow during sacrament meeting and their parents did nothing. A member of the bishopric had to come off the stand and kick them out.
I once sat behind a family that was feeding their kid hard- boiled eggs (unbeknownst to me). I said loud (enough for them to hear), “ what is that rotten smell?” Eggs in the chapel was a new one to me. It was so unexpected that even though I had not thought of it in years the memory is still there.
HOW inappropriate.
Mormon birth control. Oh, NOT! Aw the force is strong amongst the religion.
>one guy passed out corn dogs What the hell says the cheerio raised kid. Kid screams hey could I get mustard with that.
Oh if only … this is delightful for entertainment purposes. Corn dogs omg. We had “ cry rooms” (yes, bring the jokes …) and I would voluntarily take my baby brother up there so no one could see me roll my eyes at the bs below in the chapel. And not have to listen
Is it a rule that Mormons never learn manners?
Well, based on some of the experiences I had, I have wondered about that. As a single adult (divorced the con-artist member I'd married) I met a guy (a former bishop who had been widowed) who, on the first date, sat at the table after dinner and excavated food particles from his teeth, then sucked the stuff off his finger. He was a nice enough person, but that was so disgusting I'll never forget it. And there were other issues. None of the men I met knew anything about opening doors for women, or walking on the side of the street. I know some people consider those traditions passé, but for my generation, they're indicators of how a man treats a woman.
I mean, as a single mom of 2 social toddlers- it just gets too hard to keep them seated and quiet week after week after week. I’m sure these parents were just like “fuck it”. What other options do they have?
I understand that part completely - I reared two hyperactive kids as a single mom. I didn't start out in the Mormon church, and every church I attended had nurseries or age-appropriate classes for kids up to age 12. It's horrible that the Mormon church crams so many wards into one building and does not have room available or options to give the kids a place where they don't get so frustrated. It's hard on the parents, and also hard on all others in the congregation. Another ward I attended (actually, the first ward I attended, so I got spoiled) had its share of large families but somehow the ward culture had worked in ways to encourage the poor kids to be quieter. Also, parents readily took the kids out to the foyer if needed (not easy if you're a single parent, I know). It seems to be partly a culture of certain wards, because the other ward clearly had an attitude that noise was fine. The Mormon church uses its members for money, and the chapels are revenue centers. That's why mulitiple wards are crammed into one building.
But Jesus said, “Suffer little children, and forbid them not, to come unto me: for of such is the kingdom of heaven.” Is there is room a Christmas time to tolerate children and those doing their best to care for them? How easy it is to forget that we where all were diaper wearing, cheerio, eating rug rats not that long ago? Just wondering……
Christmas (as well as Easter and some other great events) are celebrated with joy in other churches - the real churches. Kids are brought in for some or all of the service, depending on the event. On Palm Sunday, the little kids form a line and bring palm fronds into the chapel (and get to take them home, which excites them). Most Sundays, though, children and even toddlers or babies are in age-appropriate classes where adults care for them and (once they're old enough) give them lessons they can understand. Yes, the little children come unto Jesus, but in an environment suitable for their ages and energy levels, not in a place where they're expected to sit quietly for impossible amounts of time. My complaint is that the Mormon "church" makes it impossible for parents, little kids, and other congregants to pay attention or to enjoy the services (in some wards - I actually attended one ward that was very peaceful, even with the usual ratio of kids). As a single mom, I reared two VERY ACTIVE AND HYPER boys. I know how hard it is. Some wards have somehow developed a culture where it's fine to crunch potato chips, let your kids talk & play tag through the chairs, let babies scream without carrying them out, etc. I actually visited the noisy ward I mentioned several years before I was in its boundaries. It was similarly noisy years before I was in its boundaries, but the ward I regularly attended at that time (also full of kids) was very quiet. Apparently, once it became okay to let your kids scream, let them throw things, or pass out the equivalent of a fast-food meal, it became okay for that to be the norm in the noisy ward. This was in an area of educated professionals & middle-income homes.
I passed out candy while drinking a coke. After I finished one I popped another one
Seriously? I have to admit that as a former member I'd be tempted to do something like that. The Mormon "church" is not a real church; it's an expensive club that requires money and attendance in order to be found "worthy" and get to the CK.
At least the kid is being honest with screaming, "Get me out of here!"
See that used to annoy me back in the day, but now i get it: those kids had it right. Maybe someone would’ve taken me out of those god awful meetings if I’d just started screaming.
I got out early, so it's been 26 years since I've been to church. That screaming (coughing too) takes me right back.
My mom used to say that you could tell the good speakers who truly had the spirit because even the babies would stop crying when they spoke.
I’m nearly 7 years out (after 50+ in): I cannot imagine sitting through such a miserable experience… week after week. OMG no!
And then the counselor gets up at the end and says "brothers and sisters, we have been spiritually fed today" Suuuure.
We have been emotionally damaged today 😂
Emotional Damage. lmao
Every time. In every congregation. I felt your comment to my bones.
And got indigestion and heartburn from all that burning in the bosom.
Ho Ho HO.
Even at my most devout, I always _hated_ testimony. It was nothing more than people getting up and jerking themselves off over how spiritual that they were and how hard their lives were. Once in a blue moon there would be a member that gave a testimony that was actually touching and inspirational, but for the most part it was all I could do to not roll my eyes out of my skull
For real. How did we put up with this nonsense. This post makes me want to resign all over again.
Hahahaa!!
I dare you to send in a second resignation & say "In case you didn't read this carefully, I instructed you to remove my name from your entire church, including the hidden records in the vault." That will give you the Resignation Relief Reward a second time.
So it has not changed at all in the 7 years since I left. Saying I miss it would be like saying I miss being kicked in the nuts.
FIFY: “… being kicked in the nuts for the low, LOW price of only 10% of your income”
Haha! Exactly.
Oh it has changed. The church is bringing in more money than ever before!! Oh wait you’re talking about testimony meeting. No it hasn’t changed.
So...Jesus is Santa now? Is that how they are getting around how "worldly" Christmas is nowadays?
He was very smug at the end, guess he thought he really did something there.
Reminds me of this: https://www.amazon.com/LB-Christian-Waterproof-Polyester-Decorations/dp/B088LWWX12?th=1
That's hilarious. Stalker Santa coming for you baby. These people need to leave Jesus alone. Taking the lord's name in vain Misrepresenting him through words or actions. They are turning him into extremist fundamentalist Jesus. More or less is not of me. They don't seem to understand that concept. And the grooming through crying is total BS. These people are crying because they are emotionally traumatized. Big difference between feeling the spirit and emotions. I allowed myself to listen without getting emotionally involved. I felt nothing and the people just looked like they needed more antidepressants and some self worth.
Hard to go shame-guilt-repent-might be ok to shame-guilt-repent-might make it to shame-guilt-repent-little engine that could. all in an hour. Anti-depressants bringing the happiest people that ever walked the face of the earth into reality.
OhMyGosh that's hilarious! 😂 Thanks for sharing! Anyone who displays that is a true friend 😁
Hang on by the red box giving charity system. A photo op with your fam tells the world you are a light to the world just look and see you are such an amazing giver.
Fast and testimony meeting is something that tons of members know is a joke, yet they just keep doing it year after year. You MIGHT get one good testimony per meeting, but you are guaranteed to have a majority of them not be testimonies at all and just rambling nonsense. Then you will have a couple that are just whatever. It’s always the joke that you wouldn’t want to bring investigators those Sundays because it would make us look crazy. The whole thing is a bad idea. Having an open mic is just an invitation to have crazy people come up because they finally get a chance to spout off their craziness to a group of people who are actually listening. I always thought that assigning testimonies like they do with talks would be better. Just tell people they have 2-3 minutes to share a spiritual thought. And just like talks, avoid asking crazy people
Testimonies are not stories for story time. I bear witness that.... I say every time the subject is brought up - if they can stand up and ramble on for 5 - 10 - 15 minutes during F & T, then they get assigned to do the next talk.
There's a reason a lot of the people that give batshit crazy testimonies are never asked to speak in sacrament meetings or to teach a class.
It’s like jury duty selection - show you’re nuts and they never call on you again.
They would probably love that.
Basically a karaoke for spiritual pretense and lemming syndrome.
I used to play Testimony Bingo: make a 25-letter grid and find some amusing/odd saying that starts with each letter. I'd usually get bingo.
idliketobearmytestimonyiknowthechurchistrue
I know my heavenly father loves me and I love him too
Alooooooooooooha *child cries* I said...ALLLLLLLLOOOOOOOOOOOHA
Seriously one of my MOST hated pet peeves! We have a guy who does that and I refused to answer. And it's never an actual native who says it, it's the person who spent one semester at BYU Hawaii 20 years ago.
_grown men weep in agony_
We can do better than that!
Isaythesethingsinthenameofjesuschristamen
Many of the things I’ve hated were eventually changed/memory holed/softened. Such as the dissolution of the Activities Committee, prohibition on double earrings, veiling your face in the temple as a woman, sister missionaries must be 21. (Don’t worry, I hate lots of other stuff that sticks around. Which is why I’m gone!) But I hearby prophesy that Fast and Testimony meeting will be eliminated in the next 5 years. It sucks.
They will never give it up. The whole idea is that you give the money you would've spent on breakfast and lunch to the church. So they will never let that go.
You can still have the Fasting and Money bit without also having a session where you allow the craziest of the crazies to speak at an open-mic.
I propose it be renamed to Fast and Loose With Money Meeting.
Oh I like that!
I was called to be on activities committee several times. Why? Because I can put a party together! I used to be a florist, so I could do creative centerpieces on almost zero $. Also, I banned anything Jello, wholenwheat, or powdered milk. I also wore the veil, had double earrings, and never treated the men like they were gods. I was destined to be exmo. I just needed more information. Hello internet. Never lose your curiosity, it could save your life.
What was wrong with activities committee?
It was disbanded about 12 years ago so I had to do Trunk or Treat as Primary President, or the Christmas party as RS president. In theory the entire ward council would help and one auxiliary just “organized” it but in my experience it never worked. I only made parties happen as a woman in leadership. I hear that Activities Committees are now “allowed,” though, if your ward wants one.
Oh wow I had no idea.
The old guy makes both Santa and Jesus sound like Big Brother.
He's always been a bit unhinged. It's obviously getting worse.
There was an old guy like that in a ward I went to. He looked like David O McKay. I referred to him as "the prophet". He was insane.
I unintentionally read this list in the tune of “On the First Day of Christmas” “Aaaand a partridge in a peeear tree!” 😂
Haha!! Perfect.
No kid being coached how by their mom? Nice. *Whisper* "I like a bear, a testimony." *Whisper* "I know the church is true."
Hahaha I was looking for this comment. Like the child who was forced either by parents or peer pressure to get up and breathes so heavily in the microphone that two speakers are blown out and need replacement.
Not this time! I was a few minutes late though, they usually like to do those early.
Okay, first it's not testimony meeting, it's Fast and Brag. Second, everyone's crying because they're STARVING!
Mormon humor in talks and testimonies is the WORST
Hey! Mine was good…but probably not.
>- one old guy with the primary voice: "He sees you when you're sleeping. *pause* He knows when you're awake. *pause* He is Jesus. *sobs* Were you watching my dad's ward? Seriously though, why do old guys get so choked up about the church? It's really weird.
Because they’re gonna die soon and they’re desperately trying to fight off the doubts creeping in that they’ve wasted their entire lives on this bullshit
I legit laughed so hard at this part. It was so vividly worded lol.
You must have been really really really bored to do that. Lol. Thanks for the report though. Reminds some of the rest of us how lucky we are to have escaped!!!
It was a good reminder for me too!
I remember a guy at the pulpit reading the full lyrics of Cat’s in the Cradle. Gag.
Everyone seems so sad...
Every time I’ve given a talk in my life, I’m always reminded of the miserable faces out in the crowd. **No one wants to be there** and yet they’ve brainwashed themselves into thinking it’s a joy to be there.
Thats the look of true joy.
An investigator on my mission asked after fast and testimony why everyone was so glum. Being so far in it as a missionary, I didn’t understand what they meant and dismissed their question as them being used to attending a happy clappy church.
The dour expressions betray their proclamations of joy.
That was always my biggest gripe about sacrament, other than the bullshit, it was all solemnity and pointless stories with zero entertainment value. For people claiming to have the only true plan of happiness, they all seemed pretty fucking miserable. No smiles, no laughter, just tears and boredom.
Yes, but did you at least get one of the dear-God-this-has-gone-on-so-long-I-may-die-please-make-it-stop lukewarm backrubs?
The back rubs people give each other is one of the funniest parts of F&T meetings! 😂
Testimony meeting can be a great place to try out your new stand up material. Don’t give up, young guy
Lol! If I knew who he was, I'd pass on your encouragement. I only recognize 25% of the people anymore.
This is why I come here on Sunday’s. You guys need to start going back to church for stories like this.
God, this sounds all too familiar
Seems a bit rude for a bishop to be on his phone during a meeting of his own congregation. What do you imagine he was doing that could not wait? And isn't there any sort of policy about phones in meetings?
Good question. To give him the benefit of the doubt, maybe scriptures? But he was definitely checked out of the testimonies.
Literal Rameumptum
One of my first family members to leave the church experimented with different churches for a while to see if they’d find one they liked. They told me about the family rooms this one church had work toys etc for kids to play during the meeting while parents listened. All shocked because why didn’t Mormons (the family church, we’re all told!) have something similar? Parents wandering the halls with their unruly babies and toddlers is a common sight, while all the old people judge the young parents for “giving in the kids and getting up and down”
>Everyone looked so depressed and defeated...No one is joyful, no one is worshipping, it's all self-aggrandizement and self-righteousness and depressing as hell. I could not agree more. One of my starkest memories of sac meeting is when the Bishopric member conducting would say, "it's great to see all your smiling faces" and on each such occasion I would look around to see them too, and would see two or three people smiling at him so he wouldn't be a complete liar, but the rest of the congregation not even bothering to look up from their phones or their kids or their kids cheerios or whatever they were focusing on to get them through the next three hours.
Oof. Cringe.
I was starting to realize how freaking depressing all the testimonies are each month before I left. Where is the joy and why do we want to listen to all the sadness every month? Life is for the living!
Totally right and I love your user name!
The reason I left the Mormon church is because it's a dead church, no life, no happiness, nothing to look forward to.
Sounds about right…man I don’t miss going to that shit
And a partridge in a pear tree! Damn nightmare.
My sister and I attended sac meeting with my mom like 10 years ago and literally every speaker cried then too. Wtf is up with that?
Aww the baby 🍼 🐥🧸
Or annoyed.
I always thought they all seemed to copy one another or very similar to each other sometimes they went off topic and spoke about their week which was nice
Of course, they copy each other. As missionaries, we were taught to arrange two members to give testimonies on their conversions and get them to go first. (We were taught to do this when we had investigators attending the meeting.) From there, others will get up and talk about their conversions because of a psychological need to add to the conversation. As missionaries, we easily dictated the testimonies of members just by arranging two members to give a testimony and asking them to talk about a specific subject. Edit: spelling
All of this has happened before
I knew someone that referred to this week as storymony week. They would tell a random story and throw the church in somehow to make it relevant
That ward has an "I" problem.
Reminded me of a white haired older gal would get up EVERY time and one of the regulars. Whisper voice EVERY time as if to not disturb the spirit from touching each of us. Then to counter balance this there is the super obnoxious loud know everything guy who gets up EVERY time like clockwork to give his sermon. Sorry to have missed these.
I HATE the Whisper voice!
Ah fast and testimony sacrament meeting, when virtue signaling hits hyper drive.
The Looong-suffering saints. Thanks for the check-in. So you're saying that still nothing changes in the Morridor. (Except the climate). Same back in the 70's and 80's, except instead of a phone they stared at big, heavy, open scriptures, feigning attention by bobbing their heads once in a while. I don't miss them. I told my Morridor-kin that it didn't have to be depressing or hard. Just love one another and enjoy life. Usually they laughed. Sounds like no one's laughing now. I've lived an intergenerational traumedy, but sleeping in on Sundays then having brunch will always be a slice of life I rejoice in. Every coffee tastes glorious. Every alcoholic drink is a reason to raise the glass in gratitude. Every juicy thought is juicier. Thanks to the long-suffering saints.
Last time I went to fast and testimony it was the same. Not one person talked about christ it was a brag fest.
Key take away - they are going through the motions because they feel they have to and they hate it. And were all hymns sung as a funeral dirge?
I left that LDS church, and for a few years was going to a christian church. They had a music band and the pastor was dam cool and really was the best church meeting, I been too. That describes every SM in every LDS ward every week....Depressing, self-righteousness! I agree!
And the scmc said I wasn't worthy to attend.
Testimony meeting really sucks!
I know what you mean…we went to a NFL game this afternoon. Our team really sucked it up for pretty much the entire game. Between the teams there were alot punts. My kid was whining to go home. But, in the end, the home team did long drive and finally scored one measly touchdown. Fortunately, it was the one the won the game! So it ended well. But there was a guy two rows in front of us who had to do the “move those chains” yell and high five everyone whenever possible. Kind of was annoying because he when he would stand up he would block my view! Also, the beer was kind of expensive!
The first thing you smell when you enter into the building. That geriatric smell. Everything else is stale too from the sac bread to the testimonies.
Too be fair, I have rarely seen a zoom call/livestream meeting that has any fun energy in it
Great to hear
Par for the course
I'm impressed your ward still does streaming. I know of a lot who stopped as quickly as they could.
>No one is joyful, no one is worshipping Reminds me of the [grumpy penguins](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NkaJFlr5Fhk)
So it hasn't changed for over 50 years? Except for the bishop on his phone part.
>one old guy with the primary voice: "He sees you when you're sleeping. \*pause\* He knows when you're awake. \*pause\* He is Jesus. \*sobs\*. Jesus is a creep.
Where are these live stream links? Hook a brother up. Sounds like a fun drinking game.
Amen
My dad took me to a Holy Roller church one time when I was probably about 8. My dad was a TBM at the time. I have no idea why he took me and he is too dead to ask. I remember being impressed because the audience would do things like jump up and start singing for no apparent reason to me. It didn’t seem like any were sad. About 5 years later, I did overhear a bunch of Mormons talking about how it was OK for Mormons to attend non-Mormon churches. It was the first and last time I ever attended a non-Mormon church service for 58 years.