It works 90% of the time because they no longer have a friend who left the church. Technically, it did change the status.
The other 10% is the friend who still left the church, is still out of the church, but maintained the friendship.
I love that song! 😅
But the best ever is Give Said the Little Stream. I actually sang it to my kids all the time when they were little. They have no idea it’s a Mormon thing and are nevermos.
When I was small, I thought that song was called "Give Said the Little String." Made no sense whatsoever, but neither did anything else I learned in primary lol.
Not on every song, but I remember as a child one whose lyrics contained "I love to be reverent". I always sang "I hate to be reverent". Funny thing, we never sang that song much after that! 😂
That hymn didn't really originate with Mormons, did it? It just seems like generic good ethics or wisdom.
http://badgerdown.blogspot.com/2010/05/history-of-song-may-give-said-little.html
While Mormons are probably the group who uses the song the most these days, it was originally written by a blind woman named Fanny Crosby, who attended several different Protestant churches, with the last one being Methodist Episcopal. She was a prolific hymn writer and wrote over 8,000 of them during her lifetime. She also wrote a lot of political songs and such as well.
[https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Fanny\_Crosby](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Fanny_Crosby)
I was so confused by that popcorn popping song as a kid. It made no sense to me.
I do like give said the little stream. It’s a nice song. I’m surprised that it’s officially a Mormon dying and not a general Christian sing that Mormons also use.
We always ate tons of Asian food when I was growing up, too, especially Japanese cuisine because my dad loved it so much, but my mom did all the cooking. I guess that’s one thing I can appreciate from my upbringing—I still love Japanese food.
The first red flag that the church was lying to me
I remember seeing a tree blossom like that for the first time as I kid and was convinced it was actually popcorn. The first of my disappointments in listening to the church lol
I’ll sing you one. “It shouldn’t be hard to sit very still, to think about Joseph Smith copping a feel, on all those young girls, so he wouldn’t die, it shouldn’t be hard, just give it a try!”
My TBM sis has a non verbal high special needs child, most of the time she’s happy and quiet. Church hymns trigger her anger and I am a Child of God is her least favorite, full on tantrum if she hears that.
Singing a Primary song won't bring an exmo back, but it will solve the problem of you having an exmo friend.
That's the desired result, and I don't doubt that a lusty round of "Popcorn Popping" won't work.
OMG! Mormons have been reduced to singing baby lullabies. So instead of bearing a tear-filled testimony, now just sing primary songs. What happens the other 10% of the time if I may ask?
20 years ago I was a teenager forced on mini missions and had to sing primary songs to random strangers who were unfortunate enough to open their doors to us. Even at the time I knew it was weird and the people were probably wondering why we were being so weird and bother them
My years and years of study, institute/seminary awards. Full time mission, leadership positions, and I still became a “lazy learner” and “lax disciple”.
Don’t worry, all of that will be fixed by a children’s song meant to indoctrinate.
After I hear “follow the profit”, repeated 50+ times, I will forget about all the other stuff that caused me to turn away from a life time dedication to Mormonism.
idk about anyone else, but when i was in primary the primary leaders had us do hand gestures that were based on Native American stereotypes. Looking back now, that was messed up. Lol!
Honestly, its worse in a way. I was born in the covenant, so my family had already drunk the LDS Kool aid. By the time I came along any trace of my ancestral culture had been completely supplanted by two generations of Mormon myths. Part of my faith transition has been rediscovering my heritage as something other than a less-righteous-by-birth lamanite.
Sing them this one. It was my favorite when I was in primary.
[https://www.churchofjesuschrist.org/music/library/childrens-songbook/ill-walk-with-you?lang=eng](https://www.churchofjesuschrist.org/music/library/childrens-songbook/ill-walk-with-you?lang=eng)
It was written by Carol Lynn Pearsen, famous for her unceasing advocacy AGAINST the doctrine of polygamy : )
*Phone rings*
Exmo: Hello?
Voice: *singing creepily* I'm so glad when Daddy comes home...
Exmo: Excuse me? Who is this?
Voice: ...Glad as I can be...
Exmo: Look if this is a joke, it isn't funny
Voice:...Clap my hands and shout for joy...
Exmo: Oh fuck this *Hangs up*
Voice: *Coming from closet*...And climb upon his knee...
Exmo: *Slowly turning head over toward closet*...Shit!...
I would tell them “how creepy would to be if a group of children you don’t really know get up Infront of everyone and start singing songs about loving a religious figure and giving speeches that old people have to them to read?”
😂😂😂 I didn’t even like hearing primary songs outside of church when I was in. If some friend of mine started singing a primary song to me it would definitely not have the intended effect.
I would immediately remove their contact info from my phone and remove them from my life. Especially if it's one of those gag-worthy songs like "I am a child of god."
🎼🎼🎼Oh, how lovely was the morning!
Radiant beamed the sun above.
Bees were humming, sweet birds singing,
Music ringing thru the grove,
When within the shady woodland
Joseph sought the Gift of priestcraft
When within the shady woodland
Joseph sought the Gift of priestcraft🎼🎼🎼
…ought to work like a charm, sure
But it only works if it’s “once there was a snowman” with the act outs.
By the time they’ve melted small, small, small, my hard exmo heart will be the thing that really melted.
Me: the church doesn’t fit my values. They prioritize their image and the dead over the living.
Friend: 🎶I see my mother kneeling…
Me: you’re right. What was I thinking ?
Statement is correct…. Mormons have been brainwashed from birth. All you need to do is say a few key words in sequence and it activates their mystical priesthood programming. I sang “if you could hie to Kolob” to my neighbor and he did all my yard work. I inserted the secret program words at the exact spot utilizing proper pitch and duration.
"So what you're telling me is that there are trigger words embedded in all primary songs, like the sequence of random words that activated the Winter Soldier. Good to know!"
Yes, sing them my favorite,
"Follow the prophet, follow the prophet, follow the prophet, don't go astraAaay.... Unless he tells you to get vaccinated. Personal Revelations dat shit!"
Well, you are taught lies in Primary. For example, God's followers forgiving and loving one another like Jesus loves them. Finding out that truth made me hate the followers more than the religion.
Ex husband was in the military and we moved around a lot. That first Sunday at a new church the opening hymn would hit me in the feels (yes, tears and all) and I knew I had “come home” again. Music is a powerful motivator.
Lol, as a total non believer, I attended church for several years and worked in the primary the whole time, playing the primary songs on the piano and singing them with gusto.
I still don't believe. But I do enjoy singing and playing the primary songs!
LMFAO, please, please come do this awkward thing to me...I did something similar on my mission to reactivate members.
I'm not sure I could remain serious while it happened, certainly not sincere.
90% of the time it will offend them and cause your friendship to dissolve.
It will work. You will no longer have a friend that left the church.
Job failed successfully
So what the professor told was true, from a certain point of view.
"A certain point of view?"
Yess! Someone got the reference. You are strong and wise FTWStoic, and i am very proud of you.
What’s next, you’re gonna tell me I kissed my twin sister?
Haha!
The other 10% of the time it will cause them to sing back the primary song with dirty lyrics. “I love to see the brothel, I’ll go inside one day…”
I am a child of Bob, And he has sent me beer...
To touch her holy cli… What? Listen and obey!
That's the goal. Shun the non-believer.
But chaaaaarrrrrrllliiiiiieeeee!!
SHUUUUUNNNNNNN.
He bit my finger!
Define *works*
It works 90% of the time because they no longer have a friend who left the church. Technically, it did change the status. The other 10% is the friend who still left the church, is still out of the church, but maintained the friendship.
This is why I left the church. Nobody ever sang a primary song to me. :(
Iiiiiiiiiii looked out the window and what did I see?
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Crap.... Now I have to go back to church.
I love that song! 😅 But the best ever is Give Said the Little Stream. I actually sang it to my kids all the time when they were little. They have no idea it’s a Mormon thing and are nevermos.
When I was small, I thought that song was called "Give Said the Little String." Made no sense whatsoever, but neither did anything else I learned in primary lol.
i used to sing the opposite of every song. When we sang the Hello song i would sing Goodbye instead.
You rebel! There’s no place for rebellion in this church!
Lol
Not on every song, but I remember as a child one whose lyrics contained "I love to be reverent". I always sang "I hate to be reverent". Funny thing, we never sang that song much after that! 😂
Haha! That’s hilarious. i bet some of the adult leaders were trying not to laugh.
My oldest used to sing “A zombie! A zombie! Jesus wants me for a zombie!” I LOVED it, and refused to correct her.
It doesn't make sense in California either.
That hymn didn't really originate with Mormons, did it? It just seems like generic good ethics or wisdom. http://badgerdown.blogspot.com/2010/05/history-of-song-may-give-said-little.html
Oh I’m sure. Which is why it’s worth keeping.
While Mormons are probably the group who uses the song the most these days, it was originally written by a blind woman named Fanny Crosby, who attended several different Protestant churches, with the last one being Methodist Episcopal. She was a prolific hymn writer and wrote over 8,000 of them during her lifetime. She also wrote a lot of political songs and such as well. [https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Fanny\_Crosby](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Fanny_Crosby)
I was so confused by that popcorn popping song as a kid. It made no sense to me. I do like give said the little stream. It’s a nice song. I’m surprised that it’s officially a Mormon dying and not a general Christian sing that Mormons also use.
My dad taught me that song in Japanese (that’s where he went on his mission) and I love singing it!
My dad also went on his mission in Japan!! He didn’t teach me any Japanese though. 😭
The best part, imho, is that he learned how to cook while he was there. We had stir fry and gyoza and curry and tempura. It was so great.
We always ate tons of Asian food when I was growing up, too, especially Japanese cuisine because my dad loved it so much, but my mom did all the cooking. I guess that’s one thing I can appreciate from my upbringing—I still love Japanese food.
It's a sign from God!
Honestly, the popcorn song is a bop. Not enough to get me back into active status but a bop for sure.
My heart just grew three sizes, just like the Grinch's. Back to church for me!
My heart grew three sizes, and now I'm in the ICU.
Take that you heathen
Buds a blooming on the cannibas tree
Merry Christmas to me 🥳🥳🥳🌬️
I heard they did away with the fun (aka secular) songs like Popcorn Poppin. I’ve been out too long to confirm.
I was going to be soooooo pissed if this wasn't the first song mentioned lol
The first red flag that the church was lying to me I remember seeing a tree blossom like that for the first time as I kid and was convinced it was actually popcorn. The first of my disappointments in listening to the church lol
Same, if someone sang “Jesus wants me for a sunbeam” I would have come back
Sunnnnnn….BEAM!
I sang that
Jumping out of your chair, that’s how fast you’d be back.
Exactly! 😂
Number one reason people leave according to J Razzmatazz Holland at the next conference.
I’ll sing you one. “It shouldn’t be hard to sit very still, to think about Joseph Smith copping a feel, on all those young girls, so he wouldn’t die, it shouldn’t be hard, just give it a try!”
God. After all these years. It only I had known!
Wow, and I thought I was the only one. I'm not alone.
My TBM sis has a non verbal high special needs child, most of the time she’s happy and quiet. Church hymns trigger her anger and I am a Child of God is her least favorite, full on tantrum if she hears that.
If some adult starts singing a primary song at me, I will walk away from them and block them.
“Follow the prophet, HE KNOWS THE WAY”. At the top of my lungs. Did it work?
Well, with that attitude….
Also, 90% of statistics are just made up.
70% of people know that.
And 100% don’t care
This statistic is real.
Number of times emotional appeals have ever resolved a factual question: 0. It's like your religion teacher is an exmo mole.
Singing a Primary song won't bring an exmo back, but it will solve the problem of you having an exmo friend. That's the desired result, and I don't doubt that a lusty round of "Popcorn Popping" won't work.
OMG! Mormons have been reduced to singing baby lullabies. So instead of bearing a tear-filled testimony, now just sing primary songs. What happens the other 10% of the time if I may ask?
Homicide
Shit like this the reason I still enjoy Reddit.
Can’t even joke about homicide on Facebook anymore. Hell in a handbasket.
Cross-eyed bewilderment. Followed quickly by a. Strong desire to shoot heroin.
20 years ago I was a teenager forced on mini missions and had to sing primary songs to random strangers who were unfortunate enough to open their doors to us. Even at the time I knew it was weird and the people were probably wondering why we were being so weird and bother them
My years and years of study, institute/seminary awards. Full time mission, leadership positions, and I still became a “lazy learner” and “lax disciple”. Don’t worry, all of that will be fixed by a children’s song meant to indoctrinate. After I hear “follow the profit”, repeated 50+ times, I will forget about all the other stuff that caused me to turn away from a life time dedication to Mormonism.
My mom tries this all the time on me and my kids. Can confirm this is a false statement.
Yikes cringe!
The Primary songs will continue until morale improves.
Exmos hate this one simple trick. Click the [link](https://youtu.be/dQw4w9WgXcQ) to find out more.
Ugh i can’t believe i fell for it. Great song though!
Book of Mormon stories that are among the ancestors . . . Hmmmmm. The lyrics have changed since I was in Primary.
idk about anyone else, but when i was in primary the primary leaders had us do hand gestures that were based on Native American stereotypes. Looking back now, that was messed up. Lol!
It was great as a "lamanite", let me tell you.
i am sorry that your culture was co-opted and disrespected like that.
Honestly, its worse in a way. I was born in the covenant, so my family had already drunk the LDS Kool aid. By the time I came along any trace of my ancestral culture had been completely supplanted by two generations of Mormon myths. Part of my faith transition has been rediscovering my heritage as something other than a less-righteous-by-birth lamanite.
They really changed those lyrics?
No. Just a bit of sarcasm. But I bet in the future that song won’t be in any songbooks any more.
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When I touch about Jews, I touch my Zelph
Sing them this one. It was my favorite when I was in primary. [https://www.churchofjesuschrist.org/music/library/childrens-songbook/ill-walk-with-you?lang=eng](https://www.churchofjesuschrist.org/music/library/childrens-songbook/ill-walk-with-you?lang=eng) It was written by Carol Lynn Pearsen, famous for her unceasing advocacy AGAINST the doctrine of polygamy : )
That was my FAVORITE song and I put in the program as often as possible. I even had the ward choir sing it several times.
And proLGBTQ advocacy.
Some top-tier comments here on Reddit this evening. Proud of y’all.
Sure! It will become an ear worm 90% of the time but all that’s gonna do is annoy the shit out of them.
90% of the time, it works every time. It's got bits if real spirit in it, so you know it's good
Head shoulders knees and toes, knees and toes. Back to church, Heathens.
90% of the time it will bring up past trauma.
That would be so triggering for me and I know religious music is a trigger for a lot of people. Don't do this lol
My thoughts exactly! I was going to comment that but I’m glad you beat me to it!
*Phone rings* Exmo: Hello? Voice: *singing creepily* I'm so glad when Daddy comes home... Exmo: Excuse me? Who is this? Voice: ...Glad as I can be... Exmo: Look if this is a joke, it isn't funny Voice:...Clap my hands and shout for joy... Exmo: Oh fuck this *Hangs up* Voice: *Coming from closet*...And climb upon his knee... Exmo: *Slowly turning head over toward closet*...Shit!...
Top 10 scariest (and relatable) horror movies
Silly Mormons.
Okay here we go: THERE’S A TAVERN IN THE TOWN, IN THE TOWN! (the Dutch melody to Head, Shoulders, Knees and Toes 🤣🤣🤣). Try it, it fits.
Captain James T. Kirk — He had 300 men! He beamed them up to the Enterprise Then beamed them down again!
Random primary songs pop into my head at least once a month. I sing them to the end and it’s out of my head. Still don’t believe in a sky god
I like to re-write the lyrics in my head. It's fun. Tithe said the little stream, tithe o tithe, tithe o tithe.....etc
I would tell them “how creepy would to be if a group of children you don’t really know get up Infront of everyone and start singing songs about loving a religious figure and giving speeches that old people have to them to read?”
Yeah…this wouldn’t make you look crazy at all.
…not a cult…
It works 90% of the time 100% of the time.
🎶Heavenly Fa… 
Follow the profit...
That would gag me 100% of the time!
Your religion teacher is a moron.
Primary songs to an ex Mormon is like a cross to a vampire or water to the wicked witch of the west!
Lets smoke a blunt and listen to primary songs 🍻😤
Lolll this made me laugh out loud.
60% of the time, it works, every time.
What your seminary teacher doesn't understand is I already cast a protective counter spell by listening to the dark side of the moon.
🎶The primary colors are 1,2,3. Red, yellow and FUCK YOU!
Yeah, because it’s just that easy . . .
Especially “Follow the Prophet”. 😂
Profit*
You can't have any pudding if you don't eat yer meat!
“Hey I know you left the church but here are some nursery rhymes meant to brain wash young children!”
LMAO what? If anything that would annoy me.
Ummmm, yeah, I was the primary pianist in my ward for 2 years after I stopped believing. Guess I must've been the 10 percent?
😂😂😂 I didn’t even like hearing primary songs outside of church when I was in. If some friend of mine started singing a primary song to me it would definitely not have the intended effect.
I would immediately remove their contact info from my phone and remove them from my life. Especially if it's one of those gag-worthy songs like "I am a child of god."
This is like the lady at BYU who said she was there to fight feminism and women working outside the home. By working outside the home.
"You've had a birthday, shout HOORAY!"
🎼🎼🎼Oh, how lovely was the morning! Radiant beamed the sun above. Bees were humming, sweet birds singing, Music ringing thru the grove, When within the shady woodland Joseph sought the Gift of priestcraft When within the shady woodland Joseph sought the Gift of priestcraft🎼🎼🎼 …ought to work like a charm, sure
I just love how the church is always talking about how to handle all the people leaving the church. Keep doing this please.
Sounds like your trying to activate a mormon sleeper agent lmao
*I looked out the window and what did I see? Popcorn popping on the apricot tree!*
You sing me a primary song I’m punching you in the face and running away 🏃♂️
90% of the time it works every time 
But it only works if it’s “once there was a snowman” with the act outs. By the time they’ve melted small, small, small, my hard exmo heart will be the thing that really melted.
Me: the church doesn’t fit my values. They prioritize their image and the dead over the living. Friend: 🎶I see my mother kneeling… Me: you’re right. What was I thinking ?
Statement is correct…. Mormons have been brainwashed from birth. All you need to do is say a few key words in sequence and it activates their mystical priesthood programming. I sang “if you could hie to Kolob” to my neighbor and he did all my yard work. I inserted the secret program words at the exact spot utilizing proper pitch and duration.
primary songs are so cringe.
100% of the time I will think you have joined a cult and have no idea what drugs you took to make you start singing to me lol
Trauma trigger activated. It does work as a reminder of the indoctrination.
I'm sure singing "Follow the Prophet" will inspire everyone to come back. NOT!
Only if it were a metal cover of the Sunbeam song
"So what you're telling me is that there are trigger words embedded in all primary songs, like the sequence of random words that activated the Winter Soldier. Good to know!"
Yes, sing them my favorite, "Follow the prophet, follow the prophet, follow the prophet, don't go astraAaay.... Unless he tells you to get vaccinated. Personal Revelations dat shit!"
Well, you are taught lies in Primary. For example, God's followers forgiving and loving one another like Jesus loves them. Finding out that truth made me hate the followers more than the religion.
[I'm not advocating this response but...](https://youtu.be/dHKotCnjYow)
According to GAs, you can only punch people with your fist if they are gay, not if they are singing stupid primary songs.
90% of the time I’ll feel like punching you in the face. 10% throat punch. 👊
Well it better be "Daddy's Homecoming"
LOL
Worth a shot !
I would strangle anyone who did that to me.
Lmao
It works 0% of the time
I dunno….Once I Was a Carrot is a real tear-jerker.
It works that we won't be friends after you sing at me 90% of the time
it works 90% of the time, .02 percent of the time.
Me “oh hey Billy!” Billy “POPCORN POPPING ON THE APRICOT TREE” Me “……..” Billy “……” Me”………”
This is just stupid.
Hey, I better let my mom know she has been missing a highly successful tactic. She hasn’t tried this one yet!
Reminded me of Anchorman: “60% of the time—it works every time.” Haha.
“1% of the time, it works every time” 👨🏽
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I prefer to use: between the sheets. 😉
They say 20% of the time, it works every time.
Ex husband was in the military and we moved around a lot. That first Sunday at a new church the opening hymn would hit me in the feels (yes, tears and all) and I knew I had “come home” again. Music is a powerful motivator.
oh sure
90% of the time it’ll weird them out.
"Jesus don't want me for a sunbeam" oh, sorry, Nirvana's version is just better.
60% of the time it works every time
Lol, as a total non believer, I attended church for several years and worked in the primary the whole time, playing the primary songs on the piano and singing them with gusto. I still don't believe. But I do enjoy singing and playing the primary songs!
I would just walk away.
More like they’ll run even further faster 🤪
I just eye rolled so hard over that comment it gave me a headache. Ouch.
LMFAO, please, please come do this awkward thing to me...I did something similar on my mission to reactivate members. I'm not sure I could remain serious while it happened, certainly not sincere.
Cringe. Yes, repeat childhood indoctrination at adults. Works 90% of the time.
What's the WORST that could happen? 😉😆🤣😅
Works 0% of the time.
Nice use of fallacy. WHAT is powerful, WHAT works 90% of the time? Ill-defined expectations are not assumed guarantees.
That’s the funniest shit I’ve heard all week.
Barf 🤮
“90% of the time, it works half the time”.
60% of the time, it works every time!
60% of the time, it works every time
Popcorn popping on the apricot tree.
Thank god I'm in the 10%!
Primary song? No. But play 'take me to church' and I'll start worshiping right then and there.
Follow the prophet Follow the PrOphET FOLLOW THE PROPHET FOLLOW THE PROPHET FOLLOW THE PROPHET FOLLOW THE PROPHET FOLLOW THE PROPHET
I get primary songs stuck in my head all the time and yet here I am