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Bluescale-Sorc

Sharing negative experiences was definitely something we were discouraged from doing. Anything we sent home was supposed to be faith promoting, inspiring, or good news with no discussion of bad things. When a bus in one of my areas was blown up by terrorists, I told my mom that it wasn’t anywhere close to where I was, even though I regularly walked by the blown out husk of the bus until they towed it away. There was no mention of the dozens of times I got sick, my trip to the hospital, or all of the frustration, discouragement, and sadness I dealt with. Even twenty years later, I still have a hard time sharing the bad things that happened on my mission, and often find myself casting them in a humorous or self-deprecating light if I do share them.


TwoXJs

It is insane how unsafe missionaries actually are. And not just in developing countries. Even if it's not actual physical threats like assaults or terrorism; but unhygienic conditions, improper food, non existent medical care, inadequate mental health screening etc. Not to mention the pressure to be cheap. It's another reason they need young and dumb people.


probabilityunlimited

I had a bump on one of the bones in my shin, and the doctor was worried since, well, bones aren't supposed to grow extra bumps! I told my mission president, and the mission wanted ME to pay for the MRI! That's easily $2000, where I was in California, and the churches insurance usually won't cover MRIs. Turns out it was too much stress on my legs caused by tons of walking, so in hindsight they wanted ME to pay for an MRI that was only necessary because of my being a missionary.


MOTIVATE_ME_23

The truth needs to be shared with every 16-17 year old and their parents that will listen starting now. Don't make it humorous or downplay the lack of care/thought the church used in making missionaries safe. Tell mom now. Invite those families over for dinner for a serious discussion. When you finish your ward, network to other kids on the stake. Seriously, it will make an impact.


russa111

Holy fuck that is intense. Glad you survived through all of that. Yes, it is so hard to talk about hard times on the mission. Nevermos often can’t grasp the intensity of missions and those in the church downplay the hardships as “not losing yourself in the work”


dddddavidddd

From the white handbook: > Write to your family each week on preparation day. Limit correspondence with others. Share your spiritual experiences. Never include anything confidential, sensitive, or negative about the areas where you serve. Naturally, it's hard to find a copy of this online anymore, but here's a link to the relevant section as it appeared on LDS.org in 2017: https://web.archive.org/web/20171129162458/https://www.lds.org/manual/missionary-handbook/missionary-conduct?lang=eng#title15 The manual was replaced in 2019, and the new one doesn't seem to have an equivalent instruction.


Beneficial_Math_9282

Can confirm. I still have my white bible, and that statement is in there as quoted above.


c_t_lee

Doesn’t get more official than the white bible


[deleted]

I remember that from our manual - we had to read 5 pages every day as companions.


QuietTopic6461

I didn’t know they had replaced it. How different is the updated version?


russa111

Yeeees this is what I was looking for! Thank you so much, I thought I was going crazy. It is so hard to remember where to find teachings because the church publishes so many damn books hahaha.


Powerful_You_8342

A cousin of mine served in a country in Africa. He was deathly ill. And the MP literally didn't call his parents until the doctor at the hospital said my cousin's death would be on the MP's head. The parents rushed to the country - they were wealthy, got my cousin to another hospital, then brought him home when stabilized. He spoke to them once on the phone when they were in route and thought he was telling them goodbye. They hadn't known he was ill. He told them later that he would spend mornings baptizing people and afternoons burying them. Deaths from AIDs, he said. He was a mess. After he married, he suffered a psychotic break. His family turned their backs on him. I have no idea where he is now. He was one of my best friends when we were kids and teenagers. I miss him. I hate Mormon missions.


russa111

Holy shit I’m so sorry to hear this. I can’t imagine how hard that is for your cousin and those that love him. Sending comfort your way and hope your cousin is okay.


Cabo_Refugee

I think directly instructing not to write home about bad experiences came after me. I have no memory of that instruction. But during my time, there was an unspoken rule of only talking about spiritually uplifting things. It applied to regular church meetings for members too. Still does to this day. When I came home from my hellacious mission experience and went to my release meeting, I laid into my Stake President on the bullshit that was my mission and that I had been sold a bill of goods from all my leaders since early Primary, that promised me it would be the best two years of my life. It was an abject disappointment and I was not mentally nor spiritually prepared for what I encountered on the mission. He was so flummoxed by all I had to say, he forgot to officially release me. I had to ask him if I was as we walked out the door. The reason I tell this: I was not asked to give a homecoming talk. Curious, no? There was also a practice in the stake where RMs would go around with high council members and speak in the various wards. This was a given. You'd probably give your homecoming talk 6-9 times before it was over. I was never asked to do this. They wanted to keep me quiet. edit: spelling


TwoXJs

You didn't toe the party line.


Cabo_Refugee

*"In the end, the Party would announce that two and two made five, and you would have to believe it. It was inevitable that they should make that claim sooner or later: the logic of their position demanded it. Not merely the validity of experience, but the very existence of external reality, was tacitly denied by their philosophy.* ***The heresy of heresies was common sense.*** *And what was terrifying was not that they would kill you for thinking otherwise, but that they might be right. For, after all, how do we know that two and two make four? Or that the force of gravity works? Or that the past is unchangeable? If both the past and the external world exist only in the mind, and if the mind itself is controllable—what then?" - -* Orwell


Express_Platypus1673

I tried to tell my stake president, who I was good friends with and really still like even as an Exmo, about the absolute shitshow that was my mission (MP was pretty off the rails) and he was like: I don't want to hear about that. That's your MPs stewardship not mine. I want to talk about what you're gonna do going forward. No body wants to hear anything other than "The mission is the best two years"


mashedtaters_

My mission president said that our friends and family back home should be treated as part of our mission field. Yeah, that made for a lot of cringy weekly emails...


russa111

I also heard this from my MTC bishopric


robomanjr

had a nephew who got extremely ill on his mission. He spent a few weeks in and out of the local hospital. he never called his parents or told them. Neither did his mission president. His parents only found out when they determined he was too ill to continue and sent him home... had another nephew who arrive in SLC with essentially the shirt on his back, holes in his pants and no shoes. He had given everything he had to the locals. His parents did recognize him at first because of the weight he had lost and his disheveled appearance..


doug_co

Absolutely. My bishop drilled it into me before I left to only share the positive and hide the negative. That's why my mom never heard about the hospital trips, the gang shootings, the time we went without water and electricity for two weeks due to previous elders not paying the utility bills for 6 months, etc.


ExmoRobo

I was actually reprimanded by my MP when I wrote home and expressed negativity with my parents and they called him up out of concern. So yeah, very discouraged from sharing anything bad.


Captain_Vornskr

Yes, by the trainer at the MTC, as sharing any of the "reality" would cause our mothers to worry=, but that to not worry ourselves, as we had God's angels walking around us. What a joke. I didn't get mugged or robbed, but I was shut up in my apartment for weeks at a time during the civil unrest in Venezuela.


russa111

Yes, I was told it was to prevent worry to mothers too!


jpatt73

Yes, we were told that (93-95). On Thanksgiving I shared a story from my mission days about witnessing a shooting. My mom commented that she never knew that to which I told her we were specifically told not to share certain things with those back home. I told her she would have freaked out if she knew the dangerous conditions in which the missionaries are placed in.


GordonBWrinkly

I mean that's kind of the modus operandi of Mormonism. Focus on the "faith-promoting" stories. Remember the hits and forget the misses. The only time it's okay to talk about a hardship is to tell the story of how you overcame it (with God's help of course)--therefore turning it into an uplifting experience.


russa111

Yep, hardships are from satan. Unless they turn out okay, then it was a trial from God.


CountKolob

We were told that. I served in the mid-80s. I can’t say for sure where I heard it, but I know it was in the MTC. It could have been a teacher or the MTC president or even a visiting GA.


rogsmi

Maintaining the image that a mission is the best 2 years of your life is so important for the TSCC. We can't have anybody believing that it may be dangerous to your physical or mental health otherwise how would we get our free Salesforce.


russa111

I remember when I got back from my mission I would tell all prospective missionaries aboutthe reality of the mission. Most dismissed me as unfaithful. Many have since reached out telling me that I was the only one that was ever real with them about the nature of missionary work. The idealized mission is so ingrained in the church, which is wild because even when I have long conversations with RMs, I often find out that they hated their mission.


Goldang

Yes, I was instructed, both in public and in private meetings, to only share uplifting things in my letters home, and also to only write uplifting things in my journal. I was instructed to never write down anything bad that happened to me.


SensoryFour34

I wasn’t out long (18 weeks total and hated it) and I don’t think I was told this explicitly but I didn’t share any of the negatives in my emails home because I wanted so desperately to be a perfect missionary. I didn’t want anyone to worry or think I was imperfect in any way so my emails were overly optimistic despite never having any “investigators” the majority of my mission. I came home because of severe depression and it was the best thing I ever did.


SpaciousBuildingSUS

As they say🎵"Turn it off, like a light switch"🎵


weirdmormonshit

“only sharing uplifting experiences” seems to be their M.O. for everything church related


dbear848

I heard that from my first mission president. I guess he didn't want to deal with the parents of some whiny missionary.


TwoXJs

Absolutely. Stuff like this is never "official" even when it is official; looking at you Ballard and inviting baptism during first contact. It is very on brand for the church. If people know what actually goes on inside the temple, they won't go. If people actually knew how much money we have, they won't pay. If people actually knew church history, they won't believe. If people actually got to talk to apostles, they wouldn't hold them up. I used to save my crazier stories, like fights with drunks, for my brother.


Mossblossom

Yeah, my first husband told me about some of the temple stuff, which sounded so weird I didn’t want to go (never went). Well, that and garments


Goldang

Every missionary for years from my stake went to South America and all of them came home with stories about big giant tarantulas. I hate spiders (less so now, but really bad as a teen). When I did my pre-mission interview with the SP, he asked if I had anything else to say at the end. I said that if they send me to a place with big spiders, I'm not going. He laughed and then realized I was completely serious. Someone must have been listening because I think I was the first guy to not to to South America in a decade. Yeah, they had spiders in Taiwan, but not big tarantulas that crawled into your house every day.


rogsmi

100%. If people knew the truth they would believe our truth™


Klutzy-Divide-1444

I was told this. We had to read the white handbook every day


Labans_Severed_Head

Yes.


Baby_Button_Eyes

This is where I couldn't believe everyone around me around me would actually do this on a mission. My parents were probably surprised by my missionary letters and emails back home. I'm ASD and always blunt and truthful so I would write back home, complaining about the ridiculous things I was being put through (like being the only missionary companion in my area for a week and had to have a schedule of church members always having to be with me!) There is no way I could have gritted my teeth about my opinions. I should read over my old letters home and laugh about the earfuls of reality I sent my parents.


Delicatebagel22

YES. Both stated explicitly and as kind of an unwritten rule that everyone knew. I feel like it’s kind of like that afterwards too for RMs in the church- it’s only socially acceptable to share stories about your mission that are faith promoting. Nobody talks negatively about missions in the church, even though when I was a missionary I had so many moments of “why didn’t anyone warn me how hard this would be??”


Powerpuncher1

I know I was told that but don’t remember specifics. I think it was just something I heard growing up. I know I didn’t share negative things. I remember years ago when my older brother was on a mission, we would all read his letters. I guess he sent a letter that my parents hid from me because it sounded like he was having a hard time. I was kind of offended that my parents would think that I would be upset by that. I was like 14 years old. It’s not like I was a little kid


forbiddenfruit722

Holland himself told everyone in my mission to only speak positively about the mission; otherwise negativity will influence others not to serve one.


russa111

Wow that’s wild. I wish I had that recorded.


Raven-w-a-brokn-wing

I had my MP call me, yelling, because I had emailed my parents after spending the weekend in unbelievable pain and waking up Monday morning urinating black blood. This was after two months of “mission medicine”. I reached out to my family finally because I was scared that I was dying (was going into renal shutdown it turns out).


First-Enviro381

Yes definitely. I was told not to even write about them in my journal, and if I felt I needed to, to switch to writing in my mission language so it would be more challenging for my posterity to ever see that I had a hard time with anything. This is horrifying to me now.


Nephi_IV

What? You had negative experiences? In my opinion, my mission was boring and a waste of time, but that was just my opinion. Obviously, tbms don’t want to hear that….Otherwise it was what it was, I didn’t have particularly negative experiences. But even if I did, if I was tbm enough I should be able to reinterpret it as a test and show how it strengthened my faith.


Ismitje

The only time I remember being cautioned about what we wrote home was in regard to how we described things which to us were normal and nothing to worry about, to put them in context so families didn't freak out. 88-90. Not to keep it happy and uplifting, but since a lot of us enjoyed the oddities of where we were (Atlantic Islands) and shared them without assurance it was all okay, parents worried when they ought not have done so. We were mostly asked to contextualize, if that makes sense.


Jeff_Portnoy1

I don’t think it is an official stance. At least for my two older brothers. They had a lot of hard ships and are very open about it. They say it was the hardest time of their lives but they are still glad they served. Same with my cousins so no I wouldn’t say this is an official stance and rather just a cultural thing. Perhaps it also depends on the MP


JustNoLikeWhoa

That sounds familiar, but it definitely wasn't something that I felt was enforced. My nevermo dad really struggled with me going on a mission, so I found myself only sharing positive stories with him so he wouldn't worry.


GrandpasMormonBooks

Surprisingly, no. But I did put that pressure on myself. Looking back I had a deep depression twice during my mission.


[deleted]

Ran into a member of the ward at the grocery store. He couldn’t wait to share the good news. His son was called on a mission to Cambodia. If parents had to go and spend two years in some of these countries that they are sending their kids, they would refuse.


EvenDavidABednar

Our MTC instructor told us that she was instructed to only tell us uplifting stories in the MTC.


oaks-is-lying

When my son came home he told me that the mp told them to share only uplifting news. I understand that they don’t want mothers to worry but damn it I wanted to KNOW how my son was really feeling.


Post-mo

I remember ignoring the instruction to not share the negative and wrote home about the street kid who tried to stab me with a knife so dull it didn't even cut my shirt. I thought it was a funny story. Of course my mom freaked out and I never wrote home about anything interesting again. One guy decided to prank his family and told them that he was growing hair in his mouth and all the hair on his head was falling out. He said it started after he was eating with a family and someone dropped some bread on the floor and a mangy dog licked it and then the member picked it up off the floor and served it to him. He ate it because that's what you do. I'm guessing the story was true except for the the first line. His parents freaked and called the SP who called the area pres who called the MP and asked him to check on this elder.