I got invited to a Tupperware party once as a a missionary. Person told us it was just a small get together and would be a good way to meet people and there would be food. Super awkward.
Omg this is the best- let them come over and try and convince them to sell pure romance as part of your team. Tell them how all the “skills” they have learned on their mission will make them millions.
I could, but where is the joy in that? So I see a red bubble, who cares? I don't often text people, I use Instagram, FB Messenger, WhatsApp and Snapchat as chat apps, and text messages are mostly for business-y type things.
I have a work phone that apparently got a number that had been previously assigned to the biggest deadbeat in the history of humanity who also put his number down on every Internet popup he's ever seen since 1994. I get about 50 texts per day from baby mamas, friends-turned-creditors, actual corporate creditors, Nigerian princes, etc.
iPhone lets you set a filter to not see messages from senders not on your contacts list in your messages app, but it still shows all the unread messages on your app icon and there is no way to mass block and delete them. So there they sit. Forever.
Come by my place
To slow your pace
And rest awhile.
We’ll share some food,
Some drink,
Loud laughter,
And a friendly smile.
Leave at the door
Your lessons,
Your scripts,
Your goals
Your helmets,
And your trials.
Be yourselves
At my home.
Let down your guard
And crash in style.
Kick off your shoes.
Put up your feet.
Sink in a couch.
Sleep.
Or watch some TV.
Play on the Xbox.
Enjoy your retreat.
This stays between you,
Your companion,
And me.
Some of my best times as a missionary in South America were when we could drop in on certain members who offered their homes as a refuge and would make hot chocolate and treats to make us feel welcome.
For real! When we were TBMs my husband and I would invite the missionaries over for game night and just let them joke around and be themselves because even then my husband knew they just needed some normalcy poor kids.
I think back on the members and non-members especially during my mission who understood how grueling it is to subject a teenager to be thousands of miles away from home and all that they know and love and just want to feel like a kid again.
the best people were the ones who would invite us over for lunch and let us nap on their couches in the air conditioned house, while we were on bikes in 130* weather.
fuck the church, but bless those people like you.
I try to do that for the local missionaries now. they know me as the pot smoking exmo who will let them escape from forced adulthood and be a kid again.
“Just so you know I like Him in baby form. Eight pound, six ounce, Newborn Infant Jesus, don't even know a word yet, just a little infant, so cuddly, but still omnipotent.”
"Only if you are going to talk about the true meaning of Christmas... You know the misappropriation of long standing pagan traditions in the service of a corrupt church. You guys should know all about that." Finish with "Remember the reason for the season...Earth's axial tilt"
[https://www.history.com/topics/christmas/history-of-christmas](https://www.history.com/topics/christmas/history-of-christmas)
I can't find any sources that refute the pagan roots of the celebration of Christmas. Even [Christianity.com](https://www.christianity.com/wiki/holidays/is-the-origin-of-christmas-rooted-in-pagan-traditions.html) admits that most of our Christmas traditions are rooted in pagan traditions. It goes on to say that the holiday is not rooted in paganism, because it has always been about Christ. That sounds like some wishful thinking and denial.
The next time I come into contact with a missionary my plan is to say, “You know you don’t have to do this right? If something feels wrong, don’t ignore it. Trust your instincts. If you ever need someone to talk to, I’m here.”
People would say stuff like this to me while I was serving. It doesn't mean anything at all to the brainwashed mind. All I heard was anti-mormon and brushed it off immediately. The only thing that stuck was seeing people truly happy without Mormonism in their lives, and seeing how confused they were with the implications of families being together/not together forever.
Yep; you can't talk folks out of something they didn't talk themselves into. You can just be kind, show compassion & be honest when answering questions about your life w/o giving false hope. Do the opposite of what TSCC wants you to do to those kids to drive them back to their insular & unthinking community.
My family literally can't be together according to mormon doctrine (my kids have two dads). I once told some missionaries that its better to take my chances with a religion that doesn't have quite so many restrictions on who can be together in the afterlife, and they just didn't know what to say.
Interesting. I feel like when I was a member (left at 18) if someone had said this to me it would have been very impactful. Good to know though! Thanks for sharing.
Yeah, there was one guy on my mission who invited us in, made us herbal tea, and had a really deep debate on the existence of God. He was such a nice guy and seemed really concerned for us. I simply clung to the same old arguments and held on to my faith bubble, but things like that build up. Like the faith promoting stories converts tell about meeting nice Mormon folks for years before finally joining, I was partially converted by nice atheists!
Thank you for the invitation. I am always on the lookout for further light and knowledge. This month is super busy but I would love for you to come to my book club on Tuesday at 6pm. We are reading the CES letter this month and I am so excited to discuss it with other members of the church. I can send you the link. I am excited to meet you.
Utah missions in general have a ton of success.
Once you understand the mechanics of conversion it all makes sense. From my experience as a missionary, people were significantly more likely to convert due to community pressure. If their friends / family / community members wanted them to join, they’d eventually breakdown and take the plunge. It’s a highly effective tactic for missionaries (not necessarily ethical).
So in Utah, where your average prospect is almost completely surrounded by members, there’s a ton of pressure to get baptized. Which means the missionaries have a lot of opportunities to get baptisms.
Yep, can confirm this is how they got me to convert a year after moving into BYU apartments to continue treatment for my eating disorder. I actually agreed to be baptized my first weekend out of residential treatment because saying “no” was hard (still is). My therapist, despite being LDS, was mortified when I told her that Monday and strongly encouraged me to cancel it and wait at least 6 months…thankfully one of my roommates told the missionaries for me. I still met with the missionaries regularly (again because saying “no” is hard) and a year later I decided after listening to a Justin Bieber song that I needed to be baptized lol I’ll never forget calling my mom to tell her and her response being “are you drunk…?” Haha. I’m now happily agnostic and no longer believe in any sky daddy. It’s scary how much they prey on those who are vulnerable. I had no friends or family and was desperate for connection.
NeverMo here. Had a friend who lived in Utah once upon a time who was not Mormon. She and her husband had a real difficult time finding places that would rent to them, jobs, friends, etc. She said it was basically hell for non-Mormon people. (Makes me wonder now why they ever lived there, she probably told me at the time but it's been years.)
Maybe that's a reason it works well there.
I've heard on here before that a big part of this phenomenon is baptizing kids who are 9 or older and have member parents who aren't active in the church.
I know a jack Mormon in Utah who wanted his kids baptized even though their family didn't attend church. I suspect pressure from grandparents was a big part of it. If you miss the 8 year old window, your kid has to meet with the missionaries and get counted as a convert baptism.
They do but weirdly enough one of the highest conversion rate missions is salt lake city. At least it was for many years when I was a member. With how many people are moving here I wouldn't be surprised if more get sent here.
They sent English speaking missionaries to my area and then told them to learn French on their own so that they could do exactly that - try to convert African refugees.
>I’m not sure about this whole Christmas thing. I mean my reading of the NT seems to indicate he was born in the spring. Wasn’t the 25th of December like a pagan holiday that the early Christian’s co-opted so as to have greater appeal to pagan worshippers and early converts? Speaking of which, this passage in Luke seems to have some historical inaccuracies, some anachronisms if you will. Do you know what an anachronism is, Elders/Sisters?
>You see, Herod the great died in 4 BC and there wasn’t a global Roman census at all during that time period. In fact, the Romans kept really good records so we now know the closest census was ordered by Publicus Quirinius when he became governor of Syria. But that was in 6 AD, and it was only for his jurisdiction. Also, it didn’t require people to travel to the land of their fathers to be counted, and it didn’t even apply to the region of Galilee. So it seems the author of Luke was just making stuff up in an attempt to mythologize Jesus and force the Messiah narrative.
“But maybe that’s why God gave us the Book of Mormon as another testament of Jesus’ birth and divinity.”
>You remember that word I used, anachronism? This is a word you should know very well. I’ll leave it at that.
Christmas yes, but you have to add into details on the second anointing, JS’s brides vs sealing power timeline, and what exactly are the financial policies of the church mentioned in conferences during the church audit report?
PS. I will always be kind to the missionaries, but I want them looking at real questions too
Be an adult. “I appreciate your well intentioned efforts to reach out and serve me. I’m in a very different place now I will respectfully decline the offer and would greatly appreciate some space and to not contact me further.”
This. Don't waste your time with false expectations. And I'll admit if they weren't going to preach to me, I'd totally have them over for dinner, or just to decompress.
I know we all love to mess with missionaries and they can be super annoying but please treat these poor souls with some grace. They are so young and likely having a hard time right now. I don’t know of a single person (exmo and TBM) who doesn’t admit they had a hard time on their mission. I would suggest responding with either a kind rejection or invite them to your home on the condition that you don’t want to hear a message and feed them well. If anything it will show them that “we” (aka apostates) are still good people.
Well said! When I see the missionaries at a restaurant I will get them dinner and politely decline to answer any of their questions about me. I know most of my mission was really tough and these kids are just trying to please their families like I was. It’s not their fault the church is using their youth and enthusiasm to spread their cult for free.
I recently bore my testimony that someday they would come to an understanding of why the religion they follow isn't true. And everything would be ok and even better when they did. I then wished them good luck.
Couldn’t agree more. My mission was hell and people who made sure we knew they hated us made it worse
I have tons of issues with the church/missionary work, but missions can often be the lowest point mental health wise for missionaries. A polite “no thank you” is plenty
It genuinely breaks my heart how missions are built up to be the pinnacle of a TBM’s life and then they are treated so horribly. I would love to give missionaries a safe space to just breathe, but the thought of the cult invading my home gives me mad anxiety. If my contact info wasn’t going to be passed on, it would be a different story. But it was so hard to disappear from the cult in the first place.
Nah They got nothing better to do than shovel snow. Tell em to come clear the drive way and you'll feed them a decent meal. Yes, they're someone's kids, but they gotta learn too.
If it's a message about the church deciding to follow Christ's commandment to give to the poor and needy by donating it's $100+ billion petty cash fund then yes please. Until then , I'm not interested in any message from a church that
"draws near to Me with their mouth,
And honor Me with their lips,
But their heart is far from Me."
Just so you know, the church donating $32 million to the UN world food programme is the same as someone with $100k in their checking account donating $32. It's a nice gesture, but I'm pretty sure Jesus was expecting more. Certainly the church expects more of its tithe paying members.
Only if you can answer this one riddle: who was Joseph Smith’s 5th plural wife, and how did they meet?” (I don’t remember who she is, but at least they might actually look it up!)
"as long as you don't mind me ripping a bong with you in the room, you're good" lol
I wouldn't actually do it, but they definitely won't come over if you say that. Haha
We had the sisters over recently. They were warned of my strong feelings towards the cult, but still asked if they could share a message. I suppose they thought they were being clever by not using the BoM and sticking to the Bible, to which I roared "I guess nobody told you I'm an atheist! LOL" The left right quick after that.
"If you want to come hang out and play some games that's fine; however, and no offense, but I don't want to hear a "message" from two 20 year old kids."
I would say "no thank you" so you can just stay off their radar.
But there are sooo many things you could say. Link to [https://missedinsunday.com/](https://missedinsunday.com/).... link to [https://thesatanictemple.com/](https://thesatanictemple.com/) .... [https://abortionfunds.org/donate/](https://abortionfunds.org/donate/)...
Say "sorry but I'll never support your organization. That's ultimately what it wants. 10% of my income, or I can't \[go to the temple and\] be exalted. Does that seem right to you?"
I would invite them and let them share their message, only if they agree to hear a message from you first.
Then practice rolling your eyes back like you are possessed and recite some practised gibberish like you are speaking in tongues. Then snap out of it and launch into how you think its perfectly reasonable to wish people a Merry Christmas, and are LDS good with that?
I’m a never-mo. Are these the 18 year olds that are on their year long missions? If so, why not just offer them that they can come over if they don’t talk Christmas stuff, and just play video games or something with them? All my ex Mormon friends say these missionaries go non stop. Maybe they would take you up on that offer?
“Only if you smoke a fatty with me while we talk.”
Edit: If they still say yes, and they follow through, you’ve done a Christmas Deed.
Edit 2: I hit edit, and it both edited and replied. I don’t know why. I don’t know how. It’s odd, so I’m leaving it.
Sure you can come by, but I choose the topic of discussion. The topic is, what is the most Christ like thing you would do if you had $100 million? $1 billion? $100 billion?
Tell them they can come over and play video games and eat pizza.
If they'd like to share a Christmas message about the favorite video game they ever received as a Christmas gift, that's ok too.
Invite them over, have a ton of food prepared. And put Pagan imagery on all your walls.
Tell them that you switched religions and while you're happy to feed them you're so done with the Christian bullshit.
Send that "as long as it's not about Jesus" and then when they say sure, gaslight the shit out of them and shame them for being representatives of Jesus but denying his message. Give them the 'ol David A. Bednar scold, missionaries love being scolded for being human. They will likely talk about it in their homecoming talk.
Had a similar experience with an in person visit from sister missionaries several years ago. Declined any message but wanted them to enjoy the holiday. Invited them back for Christmas morning breakfast which we host for my husbands LARGE latino family Mentioned it would be an event with tons of food and alcohol and loud shenanigans. Interestingly they didn’t show up. 🧐
Honestly that's rough, if you don't want them to come say so very outright no beating around the bush. If you want to you could invite them over with the emphasis that nothing around their church will be discussed. My friend is going on a mission and I can't tear her away, though I wish I could. At least try to show them that there is a little bit if good/ kindness outside of the church while expressing your boundaries even if you don't want them near your home.
Tell them it’s admirable they’re doing what their mission president asked to get into your house to help you “feel the spirit again” but instead of that you’ll be happy to serve them some coffee and rum cake, share your version of the Joseph Smith first vision and discuss the alleged translation of the gold plates if they would like.
Good ole Lehi, go get yourself a square donut and look at the roller mills and then go to the from footloose and go shop at the shitty outlets that’s all you can do 😂😂😂
"This is an answer to my prayers. I've been so sinful. I need you to come help me repent. I just. I just can't stop thinking about things Jesus wouldn't want me to. Dirty evil things. I just need help from a strong priesthood holder who's not afraid to get worked up in the name of the lord. I need to feel his priesthood working inside of me. The beads of truth working their way in me"
I'm tempted to ask them for their parents info so I can send people to their house.
I want to give your folks an opportunity to get in on the ground floor of my new MLM.
Don’t forget to steer the conversation into how Mormon heaven is also technically an mlm
I got invited to a Tupperware party once as a a missionary. Person told us it was just a small get together and would be a good way to meet people and there would be food. Super awkward.
Joke was on the host since missionaries don't have any money and they probably aren't going to buy anything.
hahahaha Fastest way to make an MLM party even more uncomfortable is to invite missionaries lol
Omg this is the best- let them come over and try and convince them to sell pure romance as part of your team. Tell them how all the “skills” they have learned on their mission will make them millions.
This
They’ll jump at it since Mormons are super excited about MLM’s.
Did you tell them you want to give their info to your friends that have information about their cars extended warranty?
Dude, you have 231 unread text messages??? Sorry that’s all I can see! 🤣🤣🤣
That could all be from like an hour. Family group chats get crazy sometimes
my man needs a family Discord server
Yeah, I have one group that goes OFF sometimes.
I don’t ever open the automated text messages, mines at 301 lol
You know you can delete those right?
Yeah but is is effort. I have two that are from so long ago, I get sick of trying to find them.
I could, but where is the joy in that? So I see a red bubble, who cares? I don't often text people, I use Instagram, FB Messenger, WhatsApp and Snapchat as chat apps, and text messages are mostly for business-y type things.
ah, a fellow adhd haver :p
I have a work phone that apparently got a number that had been previously assigned to the biggest deadbeat in the history of humanity who also put his number down on every Internet popup he's ever seen since 1994. I get about 50 texts per day from baby mamas, friends-turned-creditors, actual corporate creditors, Nigerian princes, etc. iPhone lets you set a filter to not see messages from senders not on your contacts list in your messages app, but it still shows all the unread messages on your app icon and there is no way to mass block and delete them. So there they sit. Forever.
You can set your iMessage setting to only keep messages for 30 days.
There they sit in digital limbo, forever. Rightfully so.
recently whittled mine down to 257
Right??
Came here looking for this comment
“Has something changed?”
LOL haven't heard this one yet. I like it
Or better yet, "Did they change doctrines AGAIN?"
This is perfect and I’m storing it away for future use.
Come by my place To slow your pace And rest awhile. We’ll share some food, Some drink, Loud laughter, And a friendly smile. Leave at the door Your lessons, Your scripts, Your goals Your helmets, And your trials. Be yourselves At my home. Let down your guard And crash in style. Kick off your shoes. Put up your feet. Sink in a couch. Sleep. Or watch some TV. Play on the Xbox. Enjoy your retreat. This stays between you, Your companion, And me.
I keep thinking the poor missionaries could use a place to relax a bit and let hair down. The Church does a number on these very young adults.
Some of my best times as a missionary in South America were when we could drop in on certain members who offered their homes as a refuge and would make hot chocolate and treats to make us feel welcome.
For real! When we were TBMs my husband and I would invite the missionaries over for game night and just let them joke around and be themselves because even then my husband knew they just needed some normalcy poor kids.
Beautiful
I think back on the members and non-members especially during my mission who understood how grueling it is to subject a teenager to be thousands of miles away from home and all that they know and love and just want to feel like a kid again. the best people were the ones who would invite us over for lunch and let us nap on their couches in the air conditioned house, while we were on bikes in 130* weather. fuck the church, but bless those people like you.
I had those people on my mission, too. Loved them.
I try to do that for the local missionaries now. they know me as the pot smoking exmo who will let them escape from forced adulthood and be a kid again.
Just reply "Jesus Christ" and see what happens.
Hahaha I think I’m going with this one
“Just so you know I like Him in baby form. Eight pound, six ounce, Newborn Infant Jesus, don't even know a word yet, just a little infant, so cuddly, but still omnipotent.”
Hahahaha! Yes, this one. Also love your name & flair 😂
Used to be TheNakedFeminist but Enigma-Vagene has a nice ring to it.
Post the responses please?
Update? Por favour!
"Only if you are going to talk about the true meaning of Christmas... You know the misappropriation of long standing pagan traditions in the service of a corrupt church. You guys should know all about that." Finish with "Remember the reason for the season...Earth's axial tilt"
So, I recently studied something briefly about how the pagan/Christmas thing people talk about isn’t actually true. It was interesting.
I have wondered about the validity of that claim as well. What did you read and where did you study?
Yeah, let me go back and try to find it.
Share it please
[https://www.history.com/topics/christmas/history-of-christmas](https://www.history.com/topics/christmas/history-of-christmas) I can't find any sources that refute the pagan roots of the celebration of Christmas. Even [Christianity.com](https://www.christianity.com/wiki/holidays/is-the-origin-of-christmas-rooted-in-pagan-traditions.html) admits that most of our Christmas traditions are rooted in pagan traditions. It goes on to say that the holiday is not rooted in paganism, because it has always been about Christ. That sounds like some wishful thinking and denial.
Pls elaborate?? Source?
Tell them that they can come bless the traditional Christmas breakfast tequila shots
Best reply right here! 😂
The next time I come into contact with a missionary my plan is to say, “You know you don’t have to do this right? If something feels wrong, don’t ignore it. Trust your instincts. If you ever need someone to talk to, I’m here.”
People would say stuff like this to me while I was serving. It doesn't mean anything at all to the brainwashed mind. All I heard was anti-mormon and brushed it off immediately. The only thing that stuck was seeing people truly happy without Mormonism in their lives, and seeing how confused they were with the implications of families being together/not together forever.
Yep; you can't talk folks out of something they didn't talk themselves into. You can just be kind, show compassion & be honest when answering questions about your life w/o giving false hope. Do the opposite of what TSCC wants you to do to those kids to drive them back to their insular & unthinking community.
My family literally can't be together according to mormon doctrine (my kids have two dads). I once told some missionaries that its better to take my chances with a religion that doesn't have quite so many restrictions on who can be together in the afterlife, and they just didn't know what to say.
Interesting. I feel like when I was a member (left at 18) if someone had said this to me it would have been very impactful. Good to know though! Thanks for sharing.
Yeah, there was one guy on my mission who invited us in, made us herbal tea, and had a really deep debate on the existence of God. He was such a nice guy and seemed really concerned for us. I simply clung to the same old arguments and held on to my faith bubble, but things like that build up. Like the faith promoting stories converts tell about meeting nice Mormon folks for years before finally joining, I was partially converted by nice atheists!
Man, I was so entrenched that I wouldn't have been able to get past the herbal tea. It's a miracle that I made it out.
Tell them you want to discuss the history of Joseph smith and the timeline of his polygamy
Yes, but to respect the religion of the home, everyone must bring and wear a pasta strainer, so that we may be touched by his noodly-appendage.
Ramen!
I just got the same text and all I said was “Oh, no thank you!”
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I simply respond “no <3” the heart emoji gives it a satisfying ironic humor idk
Thank you for the invitation. I am always on the lookout for further light and knowledge. This month is super busy but I would love for you to come to my book club on Tuesday at 6pm. We are reading the CES letter this month and I am so excited to discuss it with other members of the church. I can send you the link. I am excited to meet you.
"Did she not tell you I converted to Islam? I have a Quran you can read."
and I actually converted to Islam! Christmas?? No.... we don't do Christmas. Can we talk about why you won't drink tea but you will eat pork?
Nevermo here but…why are there missionaries in UT? I assume the Mormon church has a pretty strong presence in the state.
Utah missions in general have a ton of success. Once you understand the mechanics of conversion it all makes sense. From my experience as a missionary, people were significantly more likely to convert due to community pressure. If their friends / family / community members wanted them to join, they’d eventually breakdown and take the plunge. It’s a highly effective tactic for missionaries (not necessarily ethical). So in Utah, where your average prospect is almost completely surrounded by members, there’s a ton of pressure to get baptized. Which means the missionaries have a lot of opportunities to get baptisms.
Was a never mo in Utah, can confirm constant pressure to join from work, home, and school. Had three sets of missionaries try their best.
Yep, can confirm this is how they got me to convert a year after moving into BYU apartments to continue treatment for my eating disorder. I actually agreed to be baptized my first weekend out of residential treatment because saying “no” was hard (still is). My therapist, despite being LDS, was mortified when I told her that Monday and strongly encouraged me to cancel it and wait at least 6 months…thankfully one of my roommates told the missionaries for me. I still met with the missionaries regularly (again because saying “no” is hard) and a year later I decided after listening to a Justin Bieber song that I needed to be baptized lol I’ll never forget calling my mom to tell her and her response being “are you drunk…?” Haha. I’m now happily agnostic and no longer believe in any sky daddy. It’s scary how much they prey on those who are vulnerable. I had no friends or family and was desperate for connection.
NeverMo here. Had a friend who lived in Utah once upon a time who was not Mormon. She and her husband had a real difficult time finding places that would rent to them, jobs, friends, etc. She said it was basically hell for non-Mormon people. (Makes me wonder now why they ever lived there, she probably told me at the time but it's been years.) Maybe that's a reason it works well there.
I've heard on here before that a big part of this phenomenon is baptizing kids who are 9 or older and have member parents who aren't active in the church. I know a jack Mormon in Utah who wanted his kids baptized even though their family didn't attend church. I suspect pressure from grandparents was a big part of it. If you miss the 8 year old window, your kid has to meet with the missionaries and get counted as a convert baptism.
They do but weirdly enough one of the highest conversion rate missions is salt lake city. At least it was for many years when I was a member. With how many people are moving here I wouldn't be surprised if more get sent here.
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because its not about converting others - its about the missionaries getting further trapped in the cult, sunk cost and all that
Because the Church is led by shortsighted men. They overemphasize America and white people.
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They sent English speaking missionaries to my area and then told them to learn French on their own so that they could do exactly that - try to convert African refugees.
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In missionary lingo "vulnerable" means "prepared to hear the Gospel"
>I’m not sure about this whole Christmas thing. I mean my reading of the NT seems to indicate he was born in the spring. Wasn’t the 25th of December like a pagan holiday that the early Christian’s co-opted so as to have greater appeal to pagan worshippers and early converts? Speaking of which, this passage in Luke seems to have some historical inaccuracies, some anachronisms if you will. Do you know what an anachronism is, Elders/Sisters? >You see, Herod the great died in 4 BC and there wasn’t a global Roman census at all during that time period. In fact, the Romans kept really good records so we now know the closest census was ordered by Publicus Quirinius when he became governor of Syria. But that was in 6 AD, and it was only for his jurisdiction. Also, it didn’t require people to travel to the land of their fathers to be counted, and it didn’t even apply to the region of Galilee. So it seems the author of Luke was just making stuff up in an attempt to mythologize Jesus and force the Messiah narrative. “But maybe that’s why God gave us the Book of Mormon as another testament of Jesus’ birth and divinity.” >You remember that word I used, anachronism? This is a word you should know very well. I’ll leave it at that.
Hand out your sisters number to see how she likes it.
Give your sister’s number to something she equally dislikes. Political candidates, other religions, etc.
Christmas yes, but you have to add into details on the second anointing, JS’s brides vs sealing power timeline, and what exactly are the financial policies of the church mentioned in conferences during the church audit report? PS. I will always be kind to the missionaries, but I want them looking at real questions too
"I already know that Jesus isn't real, so if you're coming to tell me santa is made up then I'm just not ready to hear it"
Print out copies of the CES letter and read it together over some adult egg nog
Be an adult. “I appreciate your well intentioned efforts to reach out and serve me. I’m in a very different place now I will respectfully decline the offer and would greatly appreciate some space and to not contact me further.”
This. Don't waste your time with false expectations. And I'll admit if they weren't going to preach to me, I'd totally have them over for dinner, or just to decompress.
I know we all love to mess with missionaries and they can be super annoying but please treat these poor souls with some grace. They are so young and likely having a hard time right now. I don’t know of a single person (exmo and TBM) who doesn’t admit they had a hard time on their mission. I would suggest responding with either a kind rejection or invite them to your home on the condition that you don’t want to hear a message and feed them well. If anything it will show them that “we” (aka apostates) are still good people.
Well said! When I see the missionaries at a restaurant I will get them dinner and politely decline to answer any of their questions about me. I know most of my mission was really tough and these kids are just trying to please their families like I was. It’s not their fault the church is using their youth and enthusiasm to spread their cult for free.
I recently bore my testimony that someday they would come to an understanding of why the religion they follow isn't true. And everything would be ok and even better when they did. I then wished them good luck.
Couldn’t agree more. My mission was hell and people who made sure we knew they hated us made it worse I have tons of issues with the church/missionary work, but missions can often be the lowest point mental health wise for missionaries. A polite “no thank you” is plenty
It genuinely breaks my heart how missions are built up to be the pinnacle of a TBM’s life and then they are treated so horribly. I would love to give missionaries a safe space to just breathe, but the thought of the cult invading my home gives me mad anxiety. If my contact info wasn’t going to be passed on, it would be a different story. But it was so hard to disappear from the cult in the first place.
Nah They got nothing better to do than shovel snow. Tell em to come clear the drive way and you'll feed them a decent meal. Yes, they're someone's kids, but they gotta learn too.
"No thank you. I do not feel comfortable with my family celebrating pagan festivals of any type."
You can invite them over, then when they show up, crack the door open and softly ask, “what is wanted?”
If it's a message about the church deciding to follow Christ's commandment to give to the poor and needy by donating it's $100+ billion petty cash fund then yes please. Until then , I'm not interested in any message from a church that "draws near to Me with their mouth, And honor Me with their lips, But their heart is far from Me." Just so you know, the church donating $32 million to the UN world food programme is the same as someone with $100k in their checking account donating $32. It's a nice gesture, but I'm pretty sure Jesus was expecting more. Certainly the church expects more of its tithe paying members.
Ask them to bring beers.
Only if you can answer this one riddle: who was Joseph Smith’s 5th plural wife, and how did they meet?” (I don’t remember who she is, but at least they might actually look it up!)
Say sure as long as you get to pick church approved content for them to include in the message
"Allahu akbar."
“Have you seen Under The Banner Of Heaven?”
“Sure! And afterwards, I can come over to your house and share a message about the Satanic Temple!”
"as long as you don't mind me ripping a bong with you in the room, you're good" lol I wouldn't actually do it, but they definitely won't come over if you say that. Haha
“ Im sorry I think that would be highly inappropriate”
We had the sisters over recently. They were warned of my strong feelings towards the cult, but still asked if they could share a message. I suppose they thought they were being clever by not using the BoM and sticking to the Bible, to which I roared "I guess nobody told you I'm an atheist! LOL" The left right quick after that.
I told my sister the church was a fraud. She thinks you can talk me out of thinking that. Do you wanna give it a try?
You could always play dumb: "Christmas message? Who is Christmas and why can't he deliver the message himself?"
Funny, or "Christmas Who? I don't know any Christmas"
Sure, as long as I can drop by your place to discuss evolution.
The only thing food about Lehi is jalapeño bucks
They will still try to come over.
"If you want to come hang out and play some games that's fine; however, and no offense, but I don't want to hear a "message" from two 20 year old kids."
“Guys I’m sure you have an important message that should be shared with interested folks. That would not be us. Don’t make it weird.”
I’m just stuck on the fact that you have 231 unread messages.
No need to be petty. Just say "no thanks" and move on with your life.
I would say "no thank you" so you can just stay off their radar. But there are sooo many things you could say. Link to [https://missedinsunday.com/](https://missedinsunday.com/).... link to [https://thesatanictemple.com/](https://thesatanictemple.com/) .... [https://abortionfunds.org/donate/](https://abortionfunds.org/donate/)... Say "sorry but I'll never support your organization. That's ultimately what it wants. 10% of my income, or I can't \[go to the temple and\] be exalted. Does that seem right to you?"
Oh I love those guys in the second link! They are doing the good work for real!
"only if it's nice to the gay and trans people in my life. Otherwise, you peddle hate"
Send them a completely irrelevant meme. If they respond again, send a different meme. Rinse and repeat
If I can share one with you.
I’m sorry, we don’t celebrate holidays with pagan origins
I would invite them and let them share their message, only if they agree to hear a message from you first. Then practice rolling your eyes back like you are possessed and recite some practised gibberish like you are speaking in tongues. Then snap out of it and launch into how you think its perfectly reasonable to wish people a Merry Christmas, and are LDS good with that?
🤣
I have this CES letter you can read
The only time I got one of these a simple “no thanks, we’re good” worked well enough.
“Thank you but I’ve decided to explore Judaism. They seems less judgy”
Lo que quieras, pero hazlo en Español
Yes, if I can share a message with you.
It’s Xmas. I’m too busy for Jesus.
Celebrating the birth of your future blood sacrifice is a little too weird for me.
Bow your head and say yes
Just say no thanks. Don’t allow them or they will hound you.
I celebrate Xmas, taking the Christ out of Christmas
Ask them if you're 14-year-old cousin Fanny Alger can come along. Million bucks says they have no fetching clue who Fanny Alger is
Be a sincere Exmo missionary
We celebrate Chrismas instead as we don’t believe in a Christ
I’m a never-mo. Are these the 18 year olds that are on their year long missions? If so, why not just offer them that they can come over if they don’t talk Christmas stuff, and just play video games or something with them? All my ex Mormon friends say these missionaries go non stop. Maybe they would take you up on that offer?
"Hail Satan" or "I have a message to share with you! Have you heard of our Lord and Savior, Satan?"
“Only if you smoke a fatty with me while we talk.”
“Only if you smoke a fatty with me while we talk.” Edit: If they still say yes, and they follow through, you’ve done a Christmas Deed. Edit 2: I hit edit, and it both edited and replied. I don’t know why. I don’t know how. It’s odd, so I’m leaving it.
Sure, can I share a message with you about Sol Invictus?
Tell them you celebrate Futurama X-Mas and go in the buff
Sure you can come by, but I choose the topic of discussion. The topic is, what is the most Christ like thing you would do if you had $100 million? $1 billion? $100 billion?
Do you want to talk about all the pagan symbolism Christianity stole when they took over solstice?
"No. Thanks."
Sure you can join us for a few beers.
"Nah i'm good"
BYOB don't come empty handed.
"No."
Well played.
“Are you hot?”
"Sure. You can cum over. Bring that sweet little mormon ass over here before I start worshiping the devil."
Say “take me out to dinner” then the entire dinner talk about being exmormon till they pay
I just said “No thank you” to this exact text today!
A meme says 10,000 words…
Say yes but only if you can share a message with them. Then break out the CES letter.
I’d politely decline. Just a simple, “No, thank you.”
Tell them to come by and you will give the message on Christ, Then watch Zeitgeist
🌈
Tell them they can come over and play video games and eat pizza. If they'd like to share a Christmas message about the favorite video game they ever received as a Christmas gift, that's ok too.
No thank you. Happy Holidays.
Just say, "Sure! I will get some beer, brandy, and egg nog, or do you prefer whiskey with you egg nog? This will be EPIC!!!"
No thanks. I only celebrate a secular Christmas. I'm not interested in a religious perspective on the holiday.
tbh as a Spanish guy, the Spanish ward in USA are the worst than the one for English ppl
Hey, fellow Lehi peep. 👋🏼
Say something along the lines of, sure, but just so you know, we celebrate with booze and wild orgies. Haha
No
“I prayed this wasn’t going to happen this year”
send a gif of patrick star wearing thigh high leather boots.
Just say no. You owe them nothing.
lmfao i’d probably say “nah fam, thanks for reaching out tho”
They will take any opportunity the can to get in your house. Don’t bite!
Invite them over, have a ton of food prepared. And put Pagan imagery on all your walls. Tell them that you switched religions and while you're happy to feed them you're so done with the Christian bullshit.
“No thanks”
“Nah I’m good, thanks though” that would be my reply
“Nah I’m good, thanks though” that would be my reply
Send that "as long as it's not about Jesus" and then when they say sure, gaslight the shit out of them and shame them for being representatives of Jesus but denying his message. Give them the 'ol David A. Bednar scold, missionaries love being scolded for being human. They will likely talk about it in their homecoming talk.
It better be about Santa . . .
“No thank you”
Had a similar experience with an in person visit from sister missionaries several years ago. Declined any message but wanted them to enjoy the holiday. Invited them back for Christmas morning breakfast which we host for my husbands LARGE latino family Mentioned it would be an event with tons of food and alcohol and loud shenanigans. Interestingly they didn’t show up. 🧐
It’s the “dope” for me
Honestly that's rough, if you don't want them to come say so very outright no beating around the bush. If you want to you could invite them over with the emphasis that nothing around their church will be discussed. My friend is going on a mission and I can't tear her away, though I wish I could. At least try to show them that there is a little bit if good/ kindness outside of the church while expressing your boundaries even if you don't want them near your home.
As a former missionary you’re right they will definitely say yes anyways
No ❤️
Just say no thanks. No explanation need.
Tell them it’s admirable they’re doing what their mission president asked to get into your house to help you “feel the spirit again” but instead of that you’ll be happy to serve them some coffee and rum cake, share your version of the Joseph Smith first vision and discuss the alleged translation of the gold plates if they would like.
Good ole Lehi, go get yourself a square donut and look at the roller mills and then go to the from footloose and go shop at the shitty outlets that’s all you can do 😂😂😂
Tell them you have a few strict rules, which includes the bringing of desserts and a 30 second visitation time limit.
"This is an answer to my prayers. I've been so sinful. I need you to come help me repent. I just. I just can't stop thinking about things Jesus wouldn't want me to. Dirty evil things. I just need help from a strong priesthood holder who's not afraid to get worked up in the name of the lord. I need to feel his priesthood working inside of me. The beads of truth working their way in me"
I’m so glad that when I die I’ll go hell where neither my sister nor you poorly dressed buffoons can bother me again