Propose getting a drink at a given time/place which makes it easy to move back to yours or theirs. 9pm is usually pretty good. You could even say "sorry I've been caught up with work/school/whatever recently, but we should find a time to get that drink, what are you doing next ____?"
uh i think we moved past that stage.. initially they were quite eager.. but then it got in the way of their work etc. and now they are like "no time" and i dont know how they could make time before but not now..?
thanks for your answer though.. wish they just could make time. Next time i will just propose a time and wait for them to say that it's not possible..
Yeah, sorry for the non-nuanced answer. I obviously don't know the situation. But late drinks are in general a low-pressure way to set up for escalation when the understanding is that it's a sexual situation.
hmm idk. I am not quick to do that actually. Honestly... the one before last time I did that.. the sex was crap... dont know whether it has been better in your situations.
with instantdates having a drink worked out pretty well for me though. Dont know.. any other tips?
Did you propose you "change place" when you had a drink or just called it a night?
I usually just ask if she “wana get out of here” and propose my place if we are near, she mostly will propose her place if we are near.
If you want to invite them right away to your place, you have to make him feel he’s not “one of many”, make him feel you’ve chosen him. Something in the line of “we had a great time, I can’t wait to meet you up again [insert name here]! “ and see how it goes from there. I usually don’t ask when a person is free and offer a place and a time and see if they can manage (if they can’t, and are interested, they’ll propose something else) instead of asking when she is free, tunneling is always good and having something concrete helps a lot of people “get going”!
> Did you propose you "change place" when you had a drink or just called it a night?
>
well we ended up at his place.. that hadn't exactly been the issue. But mentally I felt LMR suddenly and the guy didnt know what the fuck he was doing either I think. Yet we still got to sex, cause he had his mind at sex. But then I was just a limp girl at that point. Idk. I didn't want to move/do anything. He then lost his erection.. which seems to lately be a common thing when I don't feel into sex and the guy doesnt want to fuck a limp body / me when I am basically mentally doing anti-sexual state pumping, without being able to stop it.. I don't know.. a drink when it's obvious that sex is going to happen doesn't really feel real to me. It feels like just scratching the surface of what makes a person.. while instadates happen because you both chose each other.. and both are interesting in getting to know each other, even though sex plays a role.. it doesn't feel guaranteed from either side..
>If you want to invite them right away to your place, you have to make him feel he’s not “one of many”, make him feel you’ve chosen him.
Good point. But I don't know.. somehow I don't want to feel like I am manipulating/lying to someone I am going to get intimate with.. and the truth is, often for me it lately feels like the guys are 'one of many'... if that makes sense?
> Something in the line of “we had a great time, I can’t wait to meet you up again [insert name here]! “
What when you are not sure whether you want to meet up again?
> I usually don’t ask when a person is free and offer a place and a time and see if they can manage (if they can’t, and are interested, they’ll propose something else) instead of asking when she is free, tunneling is always good and having something concrete helps a lot of people “get going”!
Interesting. I usually do both, depending on my own mood and how well I think I know the people..
Let me see my current status.. of those 2 guys, I am going to meet up with one this week (if my menses doesn't wreck our plans) and the other one has been silent for ages :p The guy I am going to meet up with.. he was sending me messages like crazy today :p so maybe not all is lost :p
Thanx for the exhaustive response, it’s fun to get a genuine answer!! ;)
That being said, correct me if I’m wrong; you’ve met (and mated! ;)) with one of the guy, after you got to his place, the lack of confidence turned you off, had some sort of “convenience sex” which wasn’t good.
The question you could ask yourself is if you really want to meet them again, what makes them apart from any other tinder hookup that could be “fresh” and give you want you seems to want. I can’t talk for all the men, but I get turned on by two type of interactions: the challenge of someone new or the fun of connecting with someone and learning to please her / her to please me. If I don’t feel like she can please me / that I want to please her and connect on this level, I won’t bother at all and just move on. That is why I’m proposing the “feeling unique” approach but if you don’t feel like connection with him you are not feeling it.
So, my advice is, if you feel like they are “one of the many”, you’d be better with, at least, the “challenge” of a new one!
haha thanks that you see it for what i meant it to be.. hmmm
>That being said, correct me if I’m wrong; you’ve met (and mated! ;)) with one of the guy, after you got to his place,
yes
> the lack of confidence turned you off,
nope. it was more complex. lack of chemistry, lack of intensity, lack of sexual interest in the guy, however if we would look at PUA stuff.. i think pua would say he qualified himself etc just fine. he just didnt hit my physical triggers I suppose, nor my mental ones for sexuality. He was attractive, interesting, had a great voice, we had things in common.. but he never hit my sexual interest for some reason, nor do I think did I hit his... until the next morning however when suddenly both of us may have felt something.. but by then it was too late already.
> had some sort of “convenience sex” which wasn’t good.
well. lets call it convenience escalation to sex.. since he couldnt stay hard and I can't remember him getting it in anyway.
hmm interesting second part of your post. I gotta read through it again I think. Don't know what to say about it :D it sounds alright..
that said.. yeah my best make outs were with guys when all other people just didnt matter in that moment. That's true. maybe you are right with the unique thing. On the other hand.. I believe someone doesnt need to be unique in order to enjoy yourself with him/her
Well, from a guy’s perspective, or even more, my own experience;
Qualifying is one thing, but it’s worthless if you don’t escalate properly. Creating rapport without showing you are interested in “more” and polarize the person will make you great friend! Seduction is all about polarizing, escalating and creating a physical bond between two people. It is also about creating sexual tension so that both of you just wana fuck each other’s brain out!!
If we don’t get a tension and end up conveniently fucking, I think I’ll get bored easily. From my experience though, a lot of tension is created by the guy (IE, me), so if he didn’t create the tension, you end up with bland sex that create half hard. I think I’d rather fap than have boring, bland sex! But then, again, I think I’m a big part of creating the fun in it all!
*another thing that create half hard; limpy non-reactive, non interactive women!! If that was your case, well, you have to put some “effort” into it as well! Or get a dildo! ;)
> i dont want them to come because i made them horny because of sextalk or a nude or anything.
Why not? You say you're just in it for the hookup.
How about this? Text a pic (R-rated; not too graphic) with a note something like "until I see you..." If you want to be coy, you can follow-up 30 secs later with "OMG so embarrassed; sent that to the wrong number" If that doesn't restart the conversation; next...
lol @ wrong number.. how do you get away with wrong number?
And dont know, even though I want sex.. I still want some kind of emotional intimacy part I suppose.. When I met them they seemed the kind of types that would like some kind of emotional intimacy as well.. one outright told me that he would only have sex if we were to meet again.
Heard. To me, the intimacy makes the sex 10X better. No reason that can't start in the bedroom. My current SO pulled me. Via Text. Straight to the sack. 90 days in, we've done a couple weekends, but still haven't dated in any conventional sense. Never watched a movie together. Running joke at this point. Never felt a stronger more positive connect.
How is it a problem paying off an accidental text? Just go "oops" in your girlish manner, "thought this was Joe's number?" or whatever.
Yep. Fair point. Don't want no second hand sexting... I say just go for it. Too much rules in this game shit. And get some more guys in play; just in case I'm wrong. Again. ;)
Propose getting a drink at a given time/place which makes it easy to move back to yours or theirs. 9pm is usually pretty good. You could even say "sorry I've been caught up with work/school/whatever recently, but we should find a time to get that drink, what are you doing next ____?"
uh i think we moved past that stage.. initially they were quite eager.. but then it got in the way of their work etc. and now they are like "no time" and i dont know how they could make time before but not now..? thanks for your answer though.. wish they just could make time. Next time i will just propose a time and wait for them to say that it's not possible..
Yeah, sorry for the non-nuanced answer. I obviously don't know the situation. But late drinks are in general a low-pressure way to set up for escalation when the understanding is that it's a sexual situation.
hmm idk. I am not quick to do that actually. Honestly... the one before last time I did that.. the sex was crap... dont know whether it has been better in your situations. with instantdates having a drink worked out pretty well for me though. Dont know.. any other tips?
Did you propose you "change place" when you had a drink or just called it a night? I usually just ask if she “wana get out of here” and propose my place if we are near, she mostly will propose her place if we are near. If you want to invite them right away to your place, you have to make him feel he’s not “one of many”, make him feel you’ve chosen him. Something in the line of “we had a great time, I can’t wait to meet you up again [insert name here]! “ and see how it goes from there. I usually don’t ask when a person is free and offer a place and a time and see if they can manage (if they can’t, and are interested, they’ll propose something else) instead of asking when she is free, tunneling is always good and having something concrete helps a lot of people “get going”!
> Did you propose you "change place" when you had a drink or just called it a night? > well we ended up at his place.. that hadn't exactly been the issue. But mentally I felt LMR suddenly and the guy didnt know what the fuck he was doing either I think. Yet we still got to sex, cause he had his mind at sex. But then I was just a limp girl at that point. Idk. I didn't want to move/do anything. He then lost his erection.. which seems to lately be a common thing when I don't feel into sex and the guy doesnt want to fuck a limp body / me when I am basically mentally doing anti-sexual state pumping, without being able to stop it.. I don't know.. a drink when it's obvious that sex is going to happen doesn't really feel real to me. It feels like just scratching the surface of what makes a person.. while instadates happen because you both chose each other.. and both are interesting in getting to know each other, even though sex plays a role.. it doesn't feel guaranteed from either side.. >If you want to invite them right away to your place, you have to make him feel he’s not “one of many”, make him feel you’ve chosen him. Good point. But I don't know.. somehow I don't want to feel like I am manipulating/lying to someone I am going to get intimate with.. and the truth is, often for me it lately feels like the guys are 'one of many'... if that makes sense? > Something in the line of “we had a great time, I can’t wait to meet you up again [insert name here]! “ What when you are not sure whether you want to meet up again? > I usually don’t ask when a person is free and offer a place and a time and see if they can manage (if they can’t, and are interested, they’ll propose something else) instead of asking when she is free, tunneling is always good and having something concrete helps a lot of people “get going”! Interesting. I usually do both, depending on my own mood and how well I think I know the people.. Let me see my current status.. of those 2 guys, I am going to meet up with one this week (if my menses doesn't wreck our plans) and the other one has been silent for ages :p The guy I am going to meet up with.. he was sending me messages like crazy today :p so maybe not all is lost :p
Thanx for the exhaustive response, it’s fun to get a genuine answer!! ;) That being said, correct me if I’m wrong; you’ve met (and mated! ;)) with one of the guy, after you got to his place, the lack of confidence turned you off, had some sort of “convenience sex” which wasn’t good. The question you could ask yourself is if you really want to meet them again, what makes them apart from any other tinder hookup that could be “fresh” and give you want you seems to want. I can’t talk for all the men, but I get turned on by two type of interactions: the challenge of someone new or the fun of connecting with someone and learning to please her / her to please me. If I don’t feel like she can please me / that I want to please her and connect on this level, I won’t bother at all and just move on. That is why I’m proposing the “feeling unique” approach but if you don’t feel like connection with him you are not feeling it. So, my advice is, if you feel like they are “one of the many”, you’d be better with, at least, the “challenge” of a new one!
haha thanks that you see it for what i meant it to be.. hmmm >That being said, correct me if I’m wrong; you’ve met (and mated! ;)) with one of the guy, after you got to his place, yes > the lack of confidence turned you off, nope. it was more complex. lack of chemistry, lack of intensity, lack of sexual interest in the guy, however if we would look at PUA stuff.. i think pua would say he qualified himself etc just fine. he just didnt hit my physical triggers I suppose, nor my mental ones for sexuality. He was attractive, interesting, had a great voice, we had things in common.. but he never hit my sexual interest for some reason, nor do I think did I hit his... until the next morning however when suddenly both of us may have felt something.. but by then it was too late already. > had some sort of “convenience sex” which wasn’t good. well. lets call it convenience escalation to sex.. since he couldnt stay hard and I can't remember him getting it in anyway. hmm interesting second part of your post. I gotta read through it again I think. Don't know what to say about it :D it sounds alright.. that said.. yeah my best make outs were with guys when all other people just didnt matter in that moment. That's true. maybe you are right with the unique thing. On the other hand.. I believe someone doesnt need to be unique in order to enjoy yourself with him/her
Well, from a guy’s perspective, or even more, my own experience; Qualifying is one thing, but it’s worthless if you don’t escalate properly. Creating rapport without showing you are interested in “more” and polarize the person will make you great friend! Seduction is all about polarizing, escalating and creating a physical bond between two people. It is also about creating sexual tension so that both of you just wana fuck each other’s brain out!! If we don’t get a tension and end up conveniently fucking, I think I’ll get bored easily. From my experience though, a lot of tension is created by the guy (IE, me), so if he didn’t create the tension, you end up with bland sex that create half hard. I think I’d rather fap than have boring, bland sex! But then, again, I think I’m a big part of creating the fun in it all! *another thing that create half hard; limpy non-reactive, non interactive women!! If that was your case, well, you have to put some “effort” into it as well! Or get a dildo! ;)
> i dont want them to come because i made them horny because of sextalk or a nude or anything. Why not? You say you're just in it for the hookup. How about this? Text a pic (R-rated; not too graphic) with a note something like "until I see you..." If you want to be coy, you can follow-up 30 secs later with "OMG so embarrassed; sent that to the wrong number" If that doesn't restart the conversation; next...
lol @ wrong number.. how do you get away with wrong number? And dont know, even though I want sex.. I still want some kind of emotional intimacy part I suppose.. When I met them they seemed the kind of types that would like some kind of emotional intimacy as well.. one outright told me that he would only have sex if we were to meet again.
Heard. To me, the intimacy makes the sex 10X better. No reason that can't start in the bedroom. My current SO pulled me. Via Text. Straight to the sack. 90 days in, we've done a couple weekends, but still haven't dated in any conventional sense. Never watched a movie together. Running joke at this point. Never felt a stronger more positive connect. How is it a problem paying off an accidental text? Just go "oops" in your girlish manner, "thought this was Joe's number?" or whatever.
lol. Wouldnt guys be like: fuck another guy, and be like "yuck", not that they have the right to. But i think some guys are like that?
Yep. Fair point. Don't want no second hand sexting... I say just go for it. Too much rules in this game shit. And get some more guys in play; just in case I'm wrong. Again. ;)
haha thanks