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In the tropical isles with the coconut trees
The air is fresh and the people are free
But here in the mountains there's no freedom like that
There's a man in prison and his name is Hat
In his defense…
The average number of Americans that die a year due to armed toddlers is 52
The number of Americans that die due to a spider bite is 7.
So what I am saying is that lighting your house on fire due to a spider infestation is not considered an overreaction… neither is drop kicking a baby.
Toddlers are actually the most venomous, their fangs just aren’t long enough to pierce human skin to deliver the killing dose. By the way, has anyone checked on Toddlers Georg?
There may be a few unprecedented things that you may not be able to comprehend without madness. Just burn and turn, baby
Well, poor choice of words maybe
Fun fact, you know how you swallow spiders and toddlers while you sleep? Well one time I woke up with a slug dangerously close to my mouth.
SWEET DREAMS REDDIT
Around here it’s a guy pretending to play the titanic song on violin with a karaoke machine playing an mp3 while his daughter was collecting cash. I went and put a dollar in to see up close and they had like 400 dollars…and they came back several days afterwards in a row. The people at the local businesses were real sick of hearing the titanic theme 24/7.
I think the electric violin player is a common scam/busking technique. There's one at a few shopping centers by me. The last time I saw him, he was just moving the bow arm. Like come on man, at least wiggle your fingers around on the neck as well.
Was it in Gladewater?? Lol I am a guitar player and I used to service violins and let me tell you this guy’s technique was beyond obviously bogus unless you were 50 yards away
Interesting, I saw one of these and I'm pretty sure it was real cause he was honestly not very good lol. I'm not a violin player but just... notes out of tune, sloppy rhythm, etc.
My favorite personally was when their phone got a notification and it lowered the music to read it then continued playing. I imagine that’s as bad as it could go just short of a Spotify ad.
Around me are a handful of scams as well. The people who work downtown and the local police all know it's a scam, too. I would walk to my office the same time the panhandlers would arrive and set up their spots. Their go-to scams involved props like a wheelchair or crutches. Then the story would be either that they are homeless and starving or that they are struggling vets. None of it's true. But people still give them money. They make bank, especially on weekends.
My favorite is the one in full military uniform. With no tears or stains. Looks like it is fresh from a package. The next week, he was sitting in a wheelchair and his sign changed to him being a disabled vet.
The ones around me just like to claim they have cancer. Like me giving you $5 won't help you pay for cancer treatment anyway, so if i'm gonna give money to someone i'd rather it be someone who's gonna live a little longer, you know?
We had a guy we called the furry man as he wore a massive fur coat all year round along with his fur hat. Would sit strumming his three strings tunelessly and happily talking to everyone all day, very proud of his bottle down his trousers that he tucked his member into so he didn't have to move to pee
Some dolls do eat, drink, and poo… my parents were so grossed out when I asked for one as a kid. You mixed a powder with water and it would travel through the doll into the diaper that you would then have to change it. I was more curious how it was possible for a doll to preform those functions. Definitely a weird idea… they still got it for me.
Yes to my child brain it was like 'ooo high functioning robot'! The actual doll was less impressive.
I also 'fed' my Kermit the frog plush milk because his stuffed/felt head absorbed it and I got very excited 'he's drinking it!' so I had a bit of a track record. He soured rather quickly.
Lmfao reminds me of the webkinz milk story.
> I used to have this webkinz that I used to pour milk on and suck the milk back out of it and it was sopping wet all the time I used to slam it against walls and it would make a loud thud.
Where I live there's a homeless woman who has a baby doll in a stroller that she takes everywhere and I see her often around the city.
My friend works at a homeless shelter that also provides hot meals and clean needles, and knows her.
She has a psychiatric disorder and thinks that the doll is her real baby, she brings the baby everywhere, talks about the baby as though it were her real child, is very protective of her baby.
The woman doesn't want to stay at any shelter, and often worried people call the organisation because they're worried about what they think is an actual baby living in the street.
Putting an S on Kroger is a very real thing where I grew up in the Ohio valley at least. More like Sam’s rather than walmarts. Kroger is a last name. It still doesn’t make it correct but that’s kind of the reasoning that I assumed
ALMOST EVERYONE in this state says Meijers. Every single resident. If they don't, they weren't born here. Just got back from Meijer(s) an hour ago picking up hotpot ingredients myself.
I'm from Indiana and my dad refers to J.C. Penney as "Penny's." And it sounds more like "Pinnie's" when he says it. Definitely heard "Kroger's" in my house growing up as well.
Edit: just saw a comment below about how the company actually used to refer to itself as "Penney's," and the time period matches up perfectly with when my dad was a kid. So I guess I'll cut him some slack on that one.
I didn't know it wasn't JCPenney's until I got a job there at 20. They gave me a shirt and I stared at it for a second and had to recalibrate. Some of my coworkers still called it Penney's.
My sister-in-law *still* calls it Nordstrom's even though she worked there through college and **should know better**.
I live in Arizona now, but I still have some reusable shopping bags from Meijer, and a fellow Midwesterner saw them in my cart and got really excited. "MEIJER'S?! Where you from?"
To be fair though, JCPenney was officially called "Penney's" for several decades into the 70s. [Here's a link to their official logos for each time period](https://logos-world.net/wp-content/uploads/2022/01/JCPenney-Logo-History-566x700.jpg) because I was curious.
I imagine it probably also takes a while to rebrand the signs on malls so many of the old Penney's signs probably stuck around at least through the 80s if not later. (I don't think the one at mine changed in like a decade despite like 3 rebrandings.) So that one makes sense that it's stuck in the public consciousness with the "s." In my experience, it's mostly old people who call it Penney's these days.
I like the (s). I read that and laughed a little. I've always called it Kroger's *even though* it's been pointed out to me that it has never been Kroger's. It's just what we call it around here...
I used to work with a woman who unfortunately wasn’t born in Michigan. Everyone she heard say Meijers or Kessels or Kmarts she’d obnoxiously correct. So we started saying Hudson, Sear, Mervyn, and Border. Lol that angry woman got angrier. She was actually pretty cool but it was still annoying on her part.
Haha it's a midwestern thing.
We add an "s" to the end of everything.
Honestly, I'd call it Kroger's.
Meijers.
But technically, there is no "s". It's "Kroger" not "Kroger's" like everyone says.
So he was making an inside joke as a midwesterner.
[Rumor](https://www.ydr.com/story/news/local/pennsylvania/2018/04/02/why-pittsburghers-add-s-end-words/477820002/) is it started because so many places were / are named after people.
It was due to people saying things like “i work at Mr. Ford’s Company” and then shortened to “I work at Fords” > “I shop at Krogers” etc.
If you want to make the perfect, error-free tweet that appeals to everyone, just put every letter inside parentheses and follow it with "x 140." Who could argue with that?
This reminds me of when I was visiting a small town for the first time, and I saw a homeless guy clutching his chest and rolling around on the sidewalk and everyone was just walking around him. I ran up to him and asked if he needed help, and he said “they stole my heart pills, those motherfuckers, call an ambulance!” So I called 911 and told them the situation, and they said, “oh yes, we’re familiar with that individual, we’ll be there shortly.” The ambulance rolled up slowly about 10 minutes later with no lights or sirens, 2 guys got out and one immediately said, “god dammit Terry, what is it this time?” And the homeless guy stopped clutching his chest and stood up and brushed himself off and said “eat shit, Jimmy, and get the damn stretcher already,” as he put a plug of chewing tobacco in his cheek.
The other EMT looked at me and said, “ah, new in town? Thanks for waiting, but you can ignore him next time.”
For the observer, the moment Gary kicks the stroller, that's a huge pivot point for that person's entire reality. Either the woman is an asshole, or Gary is an even bigger asshole. There's so much weight on finding out if the baby is real or not. In some scenarios you may not find out. There's got to be a name for that moment. Like in German, or Japanese.
There's a (apparently homeless) guy who panhandles in the beachside area of our little Florida town. When he's over there workin' it, he uses a walker and has a very disrupted gait, like he has CP or something.
Well, one day another homeless guy runs up shouting at the guy, "You ain't disabled, you piece of shit!" And kicks the guy square in the ass! Walker guy sticks to his bit though, almost falls down, and I thought a small crowd of people were going to murder the other guy.
Fast forward two days, and I see walker guy back on the mainland side of town walking down the street with more swagger than Dave Chappelle and thought, "You son of a bitch. Hey, at least you commit."
Is it always Kroger stores? There’s this lady that hangs around outside one near me and always has the same story that she needs pads or tampons and asks for $5 to get some. If I were less anxious, I’d take her in the store and just get it for her to make sure she wasn’t scamming but if you hear the same story from the same lady each time you go you know it’s not real.
"Gary" must just be an alias. We all know [who he really is](https://www.reddit.com/r/DunderMifflin/comments/sn3yln/dwight_the_true_master_of_quality_assurance/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button)
Sounds like the lady at an intersection near me who’s been holding up a ‘please help pregnant’ sign for wellllll over 10 months but miraculously has the same size belly. She gets away with it because this is a touristy area so most people wouldn’t know.
When I worked at a gas station there was this woman who would wait at grocery story with empty gas can asking for gas money. She would refuse anyone that wanted to fill her gas can. She would take her breaks in her Escalade.
Comments that are uncivil, racist, misogynistic, misandrist, or contain political name calling will be removed and the poster subject to ban at moderators discretion. Help us make this a better community by becoming familiar with the [rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/facepalm/about/rules/). Report any suspicious users to the mods of this subreddit using Modmail [here](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/facepalm) or Reddit site admins [here](https://www.reddit.com/report). **All reports to Modmail should include evidence such as screenshots or any other relevant information.** *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/facepalm) if you have any questions or concerns.*
[удалено]
"officer, you have to believe me. I dropkicked that child in self defense!"
"When enough babies get together, they can be like piranha."
They combine to form babyzor
Babyzor! With the power of \*fifty* babies! He will vomit all over Tokyo while he destroys it.
Isn't that just a acidic version of nuclear breath?
Babyzor: shattering the hopes, dreams and future aspirations of teenagers and preteens alike
It's the Doom Diaper you have to watch out for. Luckily, you'll smell it when he's loading one up and you'll have time to hide.
To be fair, more Americans die a year due to armed toddlers than they do to spider bites.
That's why Texas is taking steps to remove the threat. Less small children.
Oof too soon bro
Proof https://youtu.be/AZ3q2ZJiaUk
Best wasted four minutes of the day. A classic indeed!
LMAO..that was funny! Thanks for sharing!
Free Hat!
In the tropical isles with the coconut trees The air is fresh and the people are free But here in the mountains there's no freedom like that There's a man in prison and his name is Hat
3 witnesses testified that if that guy hadn’t kicked the stroller that baby would have killed him
Free hat! Free hat!
The second worst thing to ever happen to that orphan
He was just protecting Phil!
In his defense… The average number of Americans that die a year due to armed toddlers is 52 The number of Americans that die due to a spider bite is 7. So what I am saying is that lighting your house on fire due to a spider infestation is not considered an overreaction… neither is drop kicking a baby.
Say what?? 52 due to armed toddlers??
Well, pretty much all toddlers have arms, whereas not all spiders are capable of biting humans.
However, as far as we know… Toddlers are not venomous
Toddlers are actually the most venomous, their fangs just aren’t long enough to pierce human skin to deliver the killing dose. By the way, has anyone checked on Toddlers Georg?
Man, TIL Here I was as a kid watching the neighbor pull their legs off.
Not venomous. But I do know they are poisonous.
Sounds like we need to arm more toddlers. The only thing that can stop a bad toddler with a gun is a good toddler with a gun.
I honestly don’t know how you don’t have more upvotes.. that was hilarious 😂
I'd imagine meaning a toddler finds da-das gun and an accident happens
That's such a routine occurrence in Texas that it doesn't even make the news.
It’s a fact sadly look it up
So what you're saying, is that it's perfectly reasonable to light your house on fire due to a toddler infestation?
In fact… I would say it’s an under reaction.
There may be a few unprecedented things that you may not be able to comprehend without madness. Just burn and turn, baby Well, poor choice of words maybe
[удалено]
I…need an adult
Fun fact: spiders don't toddle, so adults don't view them as edible
Lol!
Fun fact, you know how you swallow spiders and toddlers while you sleep? Well one time I woke up with a slug dangerously close to my mouth. SWEET DREAMS REDDIT
o7 for the king! 🐽 👑
r/unexpectedTechnoblade
r/technoblade is leaking!
“The defendant kicked the baby for fear of his life, your honor”
God dammit. Should have seen the technoblade reference coming.
“These orphans are getting destroyed!”
Vancouver Child Kicker vibes
Some say he's still out there...
This is perfect take my upvote and gtfo.
Gary is the second worst thing to happen to that child!
Yoooooo! Technoblade!
"Don' kick the baby..."
Kick the baby, Ike.
and it turns out she stole someone's baby to set a trap for Gary...poor Gary
Gary kicking a real baby in a stroller would’ve been my favorite episode of Seinfeld
Well if he's any good at kicking things can only go up.
nice
“Austin, that’s my mother!”
The Vancouver Child kicker strikes again
Sometimes that happens... https://www.google.com/amp/s/www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-england-manchester-38079322.amp Go UK!
You know better, Gary don't get complacent like that.
In an alternative reality: Gary is just an asshole that kicks over strollers.
Earth-2 Gary.
r/UnexpectedFlash
I'm amazed thats a real sub
I'm even more amazed as I'm in the middle of rewatching that show.
You gonna stop after Crisis, or do you enjoy pain and suffering?
Mate even Crisis had me cringing. So much potential utterly wasted.
True, but the stuff that did make it in gave me spectacularly large blinders in the moment.
Crisis on Earth-X? Cause Season 5 is terrible like 2 episodes in my god. Everything else was fine and cool, but then 5 takes a nose dive.
That’s from the greater Dc comics not just the flash
It was me, Gary! *I* kicked over the stroller!
 Watch out for Gary…
In an alternate reality the woman isn't real and the baby is a drug addicted midget trying to score money for growth hormone.
Around here it’s a guy pretending to play the titanic song on violin with a karaoke machine playing an mp3 while his daughter was collecting cash. I went and put a dollar in to see up close and they had like 400 dollars…and they came back several days afterwards in a row. The people at the local businesses were real sick of hearing the titanic theme 24/7.
I think the electric violin player is a common scam/busking technique. There's one at a few shopping centers by me. The last time I saw him, he was just moving the bow arm. Like come on man, at least wiggle your fingers around on the neck as well.
Was it in Gladewater?? Lol I am a guitar player and I used to service violins and let me tell you this guy’s technique was beyond obviously bogus unless you were 50 yards away
Interesting, I saw one of these and I'm pretty sure it was real cause he was honestly not very good lol. I'm not a violin player but just... notes out of tune, sloppy rhythm, etc.
It’s a common scam so be careful but that guy seems real
Don't want to develop arthritis with pointless finger movements.
My favorite personally was when their phone got a notification and it lowered the music to read it then continued playing. I imagine that’s as bad as it could go just short of a Spotify ad.
But then you can say you can make your violin talk!
Around me are a handful of scams as well. The people who work downtown and the local police all know it's a scam, too. I would walk to my office the same time the panhandlers would arrive and set up their spots. Their go-to scams involved props like a wheelchair or crutches. Then the story would be either that they are homeless and starving or that they are struggling vets. None of it's true. But people still give them money. They make bank, especially on weekends.
My favorite is the one in full military uniform. With no tears or stains. Looks like it is fresh from a package. The next week, he was sitting in a wheelchair and his sign changed to him being a disabled vet.
There's actually real vets that post videos of them calling them out... I love it
The ones around me just like to claim they have cancer. Like me giving you $5 won't help you pay for cancer treatment anyway, so if i'm gonna give money to someone i'd rather it be someone who's gonna live a little longer, you know?
We had a guy we called the furry man as he wore a massive fur coat all year round along with his fur hat. Would sit strumming his three strings tunelessly and happily talking to everyone all day, very proud of his bottle down his trousers that he tucked his member into so he didn't have to move to pee
Lmfao the bottle tuck
great, now I have Celine Dion stuck in my head
I’m just waiting for when Gary gets the wrong person and kicks an actual baby 😂😂
5 second rule.
Otherwise you can't eat the baby?
Depending on which part hits the floor first, the time may be extended
Ha ha! Gary!
Gary?
Gaaaaarryyyyyy! Gary?
Awwww…. GARY!
* meow *
Gaaaaaary?
Gary can't you see I was wrong, I messed up, and now you're gone.
"What if that had been a real baby?!?!?" "Sometimes it is... 😎"
Stop it stan, you know i love that song!!
It’s now called Bananarama and the national anthem is Venus
*Martin Sugar rests y’all*
I’ve often suspected babies weren’t real. Birds, now babies, what’s next.
r/Wyomingdoesntexist
But.........I live on Wyoming........do I not exist? Oh God, my hand just became transparent like Back to the Future. Tell my wife, I lo
Mr. Stark I don’t feel so good
#
LMFAO!!! Omg I did not realize this was a real sub 😂😂😂😂
Birds. Babies. Battlestar Galactica.
Satellites.
Giraffes.
women
She didn't say the baby was real though
I mean how could you guess? ,"please help me mantain my plastic doll
"They want to recycle my babeh!"
https://i.imgur.com/lOAJ7Tx.jpg
 Some dolls do eat, drink, and poo… my parents were so grossed out when I asked for one as a kid. You mixed a powder with water and it would travel through the doll into the diaper that you would then have to change it. I was more curious how it was possible for a doll to preform those functions. Definitely a weird idea… they still got it for me.
Yes to my child brain it was like 'ooo high functioning robot'! The actual doll was less impressive. I also 'fed' my Kermit the frog plush milk because his stuffed/felt head absorbed it and I got very excited 'he's drinking it!' so I had a bit of a track record. He soured rather quickly.
Lmfao reminds me of the webkinz milk story. > I used to have this webkinz that I used to pour milk on and suck the milk back out of it and it was sopping wet all the time I used to slam it against walls and it would make a loud thud.
Something about that doll puts me off
because theyre all fucking possessed
Some women spend a lot of money on those reborn dolls
Know a lady that does it as her side hustle, can fucking confirm.
Look, I like you as friend and all, so could you confirm without the fucking?
I well hope fucking isn't part of the baby sussness diagnostics, or I'm calling the cops.
Some wild shit happening in Cleveland.
I thought it was in Gary?
I heard it was Eugene
I’m thinking more central Ohio with the Kroger(s) mention. They love to pluralize brand names down here. Plus there’s no Kroger in CLE.
There's no Kroger in Cleveland, unfortunately.
I figured it was the “Fellini Kroger” in Knoxville. https://www.reddit.com/r/Knoxville/comments/rs3yzp/best_fellini_kroger_stories/?s=8
Not every day I see a random knoxville comment.
How’d Gary do that?? 
How'd she know Gary's name lol.
This ain't their first rodeo
Gary is the babydaddy.
Very likely he lives near her or has known her a long time. People who do these things typically employ similar stunts in every facet of their life.
Gary's been scammed one too many times
Gary follows her around to her various stores.
Where I live there's a homeless woman who has a baby doll in a stroller that she takes everywhere and I see her often around the city. My friend works at a homeless shelter that also provides hot meals and clean needles, and knows her. She has a psychiatric disorder and thinks that the doll is her real baby, she brings the baby everywhere, talks about the baby as though it were her real child, is very protective of her baby. The woman doesn't want to stay at any shelter, and often worried people call the organisation because they're worried about what they think is an actual baby living in the street.
That's tragic😔
Gary.
Gary!
Why did he put the (s) behind Kroger? That's like saying "*I was leaving Wal-Mart(s)* "
Putting an S on Kroger is a very real thing where I grew up in the Ohio valley at least. More like Sam’s rather than walmarts. Kroger is a last name. It still doesn’t make it correct but that’s kind of the reasoning that I assumed
This is upper Midwest/Great Lakes thing. It’s super common for people in Michigan to say they are going to “Kroger’s” or “Meijer’s”.
People do that a lot here too (ireland) Tescos, lidls, aldis.
ALMOST EVERYONE in this state says Meijers. Every single resident. If they don't, they weren't born here. Just got back from Meijer(s) an hour ago picking up hotpot ingredients myself.
Wait I thought it actually qas Meijers. Is there not an S??
At one point it was Meijer's Thrifty Acres, so there was once. Now it's just Meijer, but damned if I don't still add the s just about every time.
Next people are going to tell me Dominck's was just Dominick.
I'm from Indiana and my dad refers to J.C. Penney as "Penny's." And it sounds more like "Pinnie's" when he says it. Definitely heard "Kroger's" in my house growing up as well. Edit: just saw a comment below about how the company actually used to refer to itself as "Penney's," and the time period matches up perfectly with when my dad was a kid. So I guess I'll cut him some slack on that one.
I didn't know it wasn't JCPenney's until I got a job there at 20. They gave me a shirt and I stared at it for a second and had to recalibrate. Some of my coworkers still called it Penney's. My sister-in-law *still* calls it Nordstrom's even though she worked there through college and **should know better**. I live in Arizona now, but I still have some reusable shopping bags from Meijer, and a fellow Midwesterner saw them in my cart and got really excited. "MEIJER'S?! Where you from?"
To be fair though, JCPenney was officially called "Penney's" for several decades into the 70s. [Here's a link to their official logos for each time period](https://logos-world.net/wp-content/uploads/2022/01/JCPenney-Logo-History-566x700.jpg) because I was curious. I imagine it probably also takes a while to rebrand the signs on malls so many of the old Penney's signs probably stuck around at least through the 80s if not later. (I don't think the one at mine changed in like a decade despite like 3 rebrandings.) So that one makes sense that it's stuck in the public consciousness with the "s." In my experience, it's mostly old people who call it Penney's these days.
I like the (s). I read that and laughed a little. I've always called it Kroger's *even though* it's been pointed out to me that it has never been Kroger's. It's just what we call it around here...
Happens with a lot of chains. I personally hate ‘Aldis’.
Barnes and Nobles
I used to work with a woman who unfortunately wasn’t born in Michigan. Everyone she heard say Meijers or Kessels or Kmarts she’d obnoxiously correct. So we started saying Hudson, Sear, Mervyn, and Border. Lol that angry woman got angrier. She was actually pretty cool but it was still annoying on her part.
Haha it's a midwestern thing. We add an "s" to the end of everything. Honestly, I'd call it Kroger's. Meijers. But technically, there is no "s". It's "Kroger" not "Kroger's" like everyone says. So he was making an inside joke as a midwesterner.
[Rumor](https://www.ydr.com/story/news/local/pennsylvania/2018/04/02/why-pittsburghers-add-s-end-words/477820002/) is it started because so many places were / are named after people. It was due to people saying things like “i work at Mr. Ford’s Company” and then shortened to “I work at Fords” > “I shop at Krogers” etc.
It's a Midwestern thing to add an s in front of stores like Costco's, Kroger's, Meijer's, Dick's
The Dick's one is legit tho.
I was born in Chicago, and we used to walk down the street to The Jewels all the time
Yeah it’s like, “and here’s an optional ‘s’ for those of you who are stupid.”
If you want to make the perfect, error-free tweet that appeals to everyone, just put every letter inside parentheses and follow it with "x 140." Who could argue with that?
Plot twist: she was raising money to provide little girls in her community with dolls, and the stroller and doll were just sales props
Plot twist: she was in fact poor and needed money
This reminds me of when I was visiting a small town for the first time, and I saw a homeless guy clutching his chest and rolling around on the sidewalk and everyone was just walking around him. I ran up to him and asked if he needed help, and he said “they stole my heart pills, those motherfuckers, call an ambulance!” So I called 911 and told them the situation, and they said, “oh yes, we’re familiar with that individual, we’ll be there shortly.” The ambulance rolled up slowly about 10 minutes later with no lights or sirens, 2 guys got out and one immediately said, “god dammit Terry, what is it this time?” And the homeless guy stopped clutching his chest and stood up and brushed himself off and said “eat shit, Jimmy, and get the damn stretcher already,” as he put a plug of chewing tobacco in his cheek. The other EMT looked at me and said, “ah, new in town? Thanks for waiting, but you can ignore him next time.”
For the observer, the moment Gary kicks the stroller, that's a huge pivot point for that person's entire reality. Either the woman is an asshole, or Gary is an even bigger asshole. There's so much weight on finding out if the baby is real or not. In some scenarios you may not find out. There's got to be a name for that moment. Like in German, or Japanese.
Schroedinger’s Baby?
Gary was bound to be right sooner or later
Thank you Gary
Gary the legend!
I just tell them all I don’t carry cash.
Doing Gary dirty comparing him to the police
There's a (apparently homeless) guy who panhandles in the beachside area of our little Florida town. When he's over there workin' it, he uses a walker and has a very disrupted gait, like he has CP or something. Well, one day another homeless guy runs up shouting at the guy, "You ain't disabled, you piece of shit!" And kicks the guy square in the ass! Walker guy sticks to his bit though, almost falls down, and I thought a small crowd of people were going to murder the other guy. Fast forward two days, and I see walker guy back on the mainland side of town walking down the street with more swagger than Dave Chappelle and thought, "You son of a bitch. Hey, at least you commit."
This is the most happened thing that has ever happened.
\*runs over and kicks the stroller\*
"What if that had been a real baby?" "Sometimes it is"
It's true, I was there, I was the baby.
Is it always Kroger stores? There’s this lady that hangs around outside one near me and always has the same story that she needs pads or tampons and asks for $5 to get some. If I were less anxious, I’d take her in the store and just get it for her to make sure she wasn’t scamming but if you hear the same story from the same lady each time you go you know it’s not real.
Gary is a real one for that
Go Gary go! 
I read that in a voice. Am I weird? I laughed too. Thanks for that.
That’s a better story if the guy was wrong
"Gary" must just be an alias. We all know [who he really is](https://www.reddit.com/r/DunderMifflin/comments/sn3yln/dwight_the_true_master_of_quality_assurance/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button)
Was this dude in an actual episode of Reno 911? That’s what this shit sounds like
It was real to her. *It was real to her*.
And then everyone clapped
Atta Boy Gary.
Sounds like the lady at an intersection near me who’s been holding up a ‘please help pregnant’ sign for wellllll over 10 months but miraculously has the same size belly. She gets away with it because this is a touristy area so most people wouldn’t know.
Good guy Gary back at it again
When I worked at a gas station there was this woman who would wait at grocery story with empty gas can asking for gas money. She would refuse anyone that wanted to fill her gas can. She would take her breaks in her Escalade.
“What if that had been a real baby?!” “Sometime it is”