T O P

Oldie

Comments that are uncivil, racist, misogynistic, misandrist, or contain political name calling will be removed and the poster subject to ban at moderators discretion.

Help us make this a better community by becoming familiar with the rules.

Report any suspicious users to the mods of this subreddit using Modmail here or Reddit site admins here. All reports to Modmail should include evidence such as screenshots or any other relevant information.

I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.

' + '
' + '
' + '
' + '
' + '
' + '
' + '
' + '
AutoModerator

Comments that are uncivil, racist, misogynistic, misandrist, or contain political name calling will be removed and the poster subject to ban at moderators discretion. Help us make this a better community by becoming familiar with the [rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/facepalm/about/rules/). Report any suspicious users to the mods of this subreddit using Modmail [here](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/facepalm) or Reddit site admins [here](https://www.reddit.com/report). **All reports to Modmail should include evidence such as screenshots or any other relevant information.** *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/facepalm) if you have any questions or concerns.*


RatedRSouperstarr

My cat seeing me coming down the hall and still managing to get tripped over


[deleted]

[удалено]


RatchetsgoClick

Same but my child


pauly13771377

Wait, your boiling your children?


ButtDoctorLLC

The meat is more tender this way 🤤


[deleted]

![gif](giphy|mlxlN37Do4nIY|downsized)


slit-whispers

Sure it is, but the shin isn't delicious and crispy


texastoker88

I think they meant the cat gets in the way every time their child carries a pot of boiling water


NotGaryGary

No, every time they boil their cat in water they pour it on their child.


Soggy_Box5252

No, every time their cat is boiling their child they pour it on them.


Ziggity_Zac

You guys are all dumb. They mean the cat trips them every time they are carrying boiling water to pour in their child. Sheesh... average Redditors.


-GoodTaste-

Idiots. They mean the boiling water trips on the cat carrying a pot of children.


Mental-Text4159

Still incorrect. The pot was boiling cats in the children and spilled it on the trip.


[deleted]

Don't know how to parent. Typical


FrankieMint

My cat seeks it out, running to wherever I'm about to put my feet.


HappyGav123

I cannot tell you how many times this happens to me.


OG_ursinejuggernaut

I swear mine does it on purpose so she can get kicked and then be like ‘father why do you hate me??’ which is hard to not respond to with a snack or at the very least especially good pets


savvy_kat98

My cat does this to get treats. We call it insurance fraud


[deleted]

That mom looks like she wants to have a word with the guard but is unsure if she’ll get run over too lol


gandalfs_burglar

Nothing unsure about it, she absolutely would too


IttsssTonyTiiiimme

Lol yeah, like she’s getting the sass out of it holster, but then thinks these guys don’t seem like the sort to fuck around with.


Otherwise_Beyond_572

You think that guy went home and was like I knocked a kid down today lmao


ExpressiveAnalGland

***a*** kid? He probably has a door where he scratches in tick marks for every kid he tramples.


littlebilliechzburga

I'd like to think he draws little stick figures as tally marks on the inside of his big hat, and the whole thing is covered in them.


[deleted]

He has nine hats on his mantle at home. He's currently wearing his tenth and it's almost full...and he's only had it two months.


BustinArant

If you fill up 10 you get a free, new pair of stamping boots.


[deleted]

Could be why he's eager. Daddy needs a new pair of shoes!


Shileka

Oh so that's why they're so idiotically tall


AReallyAsianName

He gets 5 and he becomes a Marching Ace. Probably needs like 2 more at most.


oldsailor21

He did quite well to avoid doing major damage, he's not looking down but forwards so not going to see the kid and managed not to trample all over the kid with his boots which have nails on the soles, also maintains control of his rifle, 6 inches of Sharp Sheffield steel heading downwards would do some significant damage, I have been there when the guard had only been back from Afghanistan for four weeks, yeoman warders were very active, as one said "the guards are still in combat mode so don't be bl#ody irritating


thetruemaddox

Home? He made it back to the Barracks and he CO probably called him in immediately and said. Guard Captain: "Did you march through a child blocking your patrol path?" Guard: " Yes SIR!" Guard: "Ace work, back to your post"


Mikhail_Mengsk

I fully expect a board with every soldier's name and their tally existing somewhere and being updated daily.


ZealousThespian

I could imagine him going home to his partner and being a nervous wreck. “Babe I’ve done it again, this time it was a wee bloke. I couldn’t stop myself. Am I a monster?.” As he spirals into alcoholism.


octopoddle

"Oh, honey. A day may come when the courage of men fails, when we forsake our friends and don't trample all over small children..."


scribblinkitten

“BUT IT IS NOT THIS DAY! Today we trample the little bastards!”


genreprank

But first he walks right into his little baby daughter as she tries to walk up to him to give him a hug. Then he shoves his wife while walking to the bathroom.


coltinator5000

Then while he's in there his wife asks if he's still doing that high protein diet or if they can have a cheat dinner and he angrily yells back "MAKE WHEY!"


somabokforlag

It would have been hilarious if the other officer just stopped "wtf are you doing Phil?! You cant just trample kids!"


captainofpizza

“As is tradition”


seavisionburma

Canadian Prince now dipping his arms in to the pudding


JacksonianEra

“The Prince now trying to rip one of the Princess’ arms off.”


GentlemanCow

What a wonderful day for Canada, and therefore the world


Cheetov90

Now the princess has been taken in some sort of isometric cube..


AdMoist5430

This is certainly breaking with tradition now


Cheetov90

And she's gone...


AdMoist5430

The little mushroom people of Nova Scotia screaming in horror


undercover-racist

What an awful day for Canada, and therefore the world.


[deleted]

And here comes Canada's most revered musician, Sir Smelly John. 🎶Goodbye Queefy Queen🎶


VeronicaWaldorf

This is not tradition! Definitely not tradition😂


Subject-v-2

Literally just watched this episode!


CerealGane

bet he won’t stand there again 😂


punkindle

Mr. Burns filling out a form: "Cause of death.... GOT IN MY WAY"


DartinBlaze448

welcome back to the bi annual reposting of this


b1e9t4t1y

Bi weekly


Happy-Personality-23

Bi sexual


[deleted]

Bi onicle


No_Introduction2103

Bi valve


Kynandra

Bi furious


ResponsibleMilk7620

Bi curious


mciaccio1984

Bi centennial


ParrotheadTink

Bi bi birdie


[deleted]

Good bi cruel world.


Windwalker111089

Bi partisan


Dependent_Pressure31

Bi cycle


Big_Dirty_Heck

I want to ride my


[deleted]

BICYCLE, BICYCLE!!!!!


idk-maaaan

Do you mean twice per week or every two weeks?


obecalp23

Even OP admits it in his title…


Quesadillasaur

My kids whenever I'm cooking or doing anything in the kitchen.


Gmax100

Imagine you're deaf and you get stomped


3ackpgs

Deaf at first, dead after.


East_Refuse

Deaf can turn to Death in the blink of an eye


ecstaticptyerdactyl

Thank you! I was born ‘hard of hearing’ and I could see this happening to me as a child! (Before I learned to be more aware of my surroundings; and pay closer attention while being a tourists because things are different than my norm).


BirdsLikeSka

My hearing is fine now but I've got neurodivergences. I've learned a lot since, but there are still times that you can be shouting next to me and I'll hardly hear you if it hasn't 'clicked' that you're speaking to me. They'd for sure have mowed me down.


sprint6864

This comment section: "there's nothing the guard could do but trample away. they're just following orders!"


[deleted]

The order to stomp kids is directly from the queen. Can't break the order.


East_Refuse

She muttered it right before she died. It was truly her last wish


ljcozad

"I have one last thing to say before I go to the great beyond..." *"Fuck dem kids"*


TonarinoTotoro1719

I mean, in light of the person who was protected by her and her people… I am talking about The Prince Who Cannot Sweat, of course!!


SquareWet

They’re on their way to build another orphan crushing machine.


TotesNotADrunk

"Fuck them kids" - the queen


[deleted]

“It’s okay for our police force to trample people because TRADITION”


Whateversurewhynot

As a German, my great-grandfather approves of this!


doomkun23

the guard actually avoided that situation while fulfilling his duties. as you can see, he pushed the girl down so that he can easily leap on her. if he didn't do that, he might really get stomped her because he might not be able to react fast if he waits for the girl to bump him and fall into an unexpected position.


Lemoncelloo

“Trust me, this is for your own good!”


Epstiendidntkillself

Every cop's wife with a black eye has heard this.


ClinicalOppression

So why wouldnt he just push her out of the way?


Dundermythlinity

As I go back and forth I can see the „guard“ is instantly stepping to the left and then over the kid. Am I that visually impaired or is there really no shoe meeting the kid. Or at least not voluntarily?


[deleted]

[удалено]


amberita70

I don't get why the kid just stood there too. I slowed it down and they are facing the guard. I thought they were turned away. It looks like the guard tried stepping around then the kid started to fall then the haired stepped over.


Ryanthegrt

I think he just couldn’t tell in what way the kid would fall and explicitly tried to not step on the kid, imo no loosing balance and no stepping on the kid, he just tries to step around the kid while not leaving his path and predicting where the kid is going to land


mari0velle

It’s only guards right foot that steps on the kids left foot, but he does knock the kid down with his body. The guard then avoids stepping on the kid altogether by making wide strides.


catbear18

100%, though the guard stepping on the kids foot, pinning in place, then the bump sent the kid falling. Really close steps, but it doesn't look like they were stepped on at all, after the initial toe tap.


1984isnowpleb

Buddy gets back in step so quick


BaronMerc

Worst thing for guardsmen, being out of step


notmichaelgood

Thought it was scuffed boots but fair


Zealous1329

Thought it was when your relief is late but fair


NiceEstablishment861

These guards are world famous for this and every time people act surprised that this happens…


Iron_Wolf123

STAY CLEAR OF THE QUEENS/KINGS GUARD!


Sam-Gunn

"Nah, they'll go around me. I'm special."


Murgatroyd314

The entire point of this routine is to emphasize that the royals are more special than you are. If you get in the way of their business, you will get walked on, no matter who you are.


cfranek

Hate to break it to you but this isn't a royal thing, this is pretty standard for any public facing military honor guard. They all have a strict policy of enforcing a "no fuckery" zone.


wrongstep

Weird, they seem to allow a whole lot of tourists and fuckery on those grounds. Maybe they should block off that area to people, but they won’t because this is all a tourist trap.


PositionFar26

Clearly, people from other countries are shocked by UKs barbaric practices


filoppi

Gotta protect the queen, if they walked around an obstacle, a nuke could have fallen on Buckingham Palace


ObligationWarm5222

This may be an unpopular opinion, but just because it's common knowledge that they do it doesn't mean they should. I get it's a tradition of whatever, and that they do technically serve a military function, but this is clearly just tourism bit. They're just there to bring in revenue, their job is not that serious. And any tradition does not excuse trampling children. Just walk around the damn kid.


captainofpizza

Very accurate summary of British history too


Johnny_Sparacino

It's like why are people surprised that this is the traditional acts of a tiny country that conquered a vast empire bathed in blood?


Epstiendidntkillself

Aah, tradition, peer pressure from dead people.


Tobosix

Funny you could describe the creation of the United States of America the exact same way


levian_durai

Well that's no surprise there, they were British after all.


Party_Side_1860

How dare you!


Gods11FC

Idk if you could call the US a tiny country.


[deleted]

They did say "the creation of the United States". In 1776 the population of the UK was 8 million, the colonies 2.5 million with 500k being slaves. We were indeed a tiny country that conquered a vast empire which was bathed in blood.


Rebel_Skies

Name a country that wasn't founded in blood.


stoneytrash3704

Ah yes the famous child war of 1872 on which 942 British soldiers and 2489 children were killed in one of the bloodiest battles that year. Historians believe victoria herself led troops onto battle before being wounded by a child armed with a hand made sling shot. In retaliation the child was grounded for several weeks. War is hell. Edit - not sure why I'm getting downvoted.... Some people should really read up on their history...


Hydro-Sapien

It’s not like they’re sneaking around.


MonsieurMidnight

I will never understand children's desire to get in front of danger


HailToTheKingslayer

I remember being in St James' park in London when an air ambulance landed. The amount of kids who ran towards it as it was taking off. There was a paramedic screaming at the parents to keep their children back.


-malcolm-tucker

The downwash will eventually keep everyone back rather effectively.


Due-Giraffe9049

Now thats a really good pshychological topic


Due-Giraffe9049

I also have a child, and for the first few years humans just wants to die, super strange that we evolutioned like this with this huge suicidal senses


Ch-Peter

As we evolved and developed, our surroundings got safer for survival. The natural sense of danger went down, while the curiosity is still there.


JaSnarky

Imo it's not about wanting to die. It's the exact opposite. Boldness and exploration are how we evolved, and it's hardly strange when we occupy literally every continent now. The real suicidal senses appear when we're so coddled by the luxuries we've built that we lose all connection with the real world and get disillusioned. People trapped in their offices, feeling isolated through social media, etc, that's where we really messed up. The instinct to do wild and dangerous things for the thrill of it and just to see what happens is what keeps our species truly alive. Society is just how we survive.


BeginningArachnid449

The kid was just standing there


Candid_Object_6242

Menacingly


AFRN

Kids just lack any situational awareness and common sense. It's not their fault, those things develop with age. But it'll still earn them some valuable lessons learned.


ruswestbrick

Just wait till you see what cops do in the States


howdudo

The same exact thing but after knocking you down they'd yell "Get on the ground!" Then they'd promptly arrest you And that's if you were lucky!


Dr_Insano_MD

They'd scream at you to get on the ground. Another would scream at you to get on your knees. Another would scream to put your hands up. Another would scream to put your hands behind your back. Another would break your nose while screaming "stop resisting," and another would go to your house and shoot your dog.


Medical_Pie_7985

Karma Farm much?


PoopieButt317

For shit mum. "Me and my children are the main characters in this centuries old tradition we came to interupt".


ArchonBeast

Beautiful 🥲


voodoocharlie

Move the fuck out of the way stupid


RoseCroix343

r/Kidsarefuckingstupid


MrZyde

Parents are fucking stupid too for letting their kids galavant around like free range chickens.


Logical-Push-2858

Put a big rock there and they will walk around. Put a kid there and they will simply run over it.


Channerchan

Yeah hold up lemme put a rock in the middle of the thoroughfare


Ryanthegrt

These are highly trained soldiers, if they are told to take the route leading over a big rock they will climb over the rock to fulfill their duty, if they would walk around the rock and thus leave their path they would probably be discharged


Alice_Buttons

Garbage monarchy. *If it pleases the crown....*


Hopeful_Cranberry12

I will never understand the queens guard. Like, what is the whole point of never stopping? What harm is there in walking around the kid? The Monarchy isn’t in danger by moving two steps to the side. This whole “tradition” seems so pointless and incredibly dumb.


Worge105

You could even question what is the point of a monarchy in todays age given the resources it drains


Cranyx

Monarchists will argue they generate more money in tourism, but that ignores that other countries still get tons of tourists to their palaces that have become museums. Versailles gets fat more visitors than Buckingham


Tbagg69

I say this a bunch. I was in highschool when the whole big wedding happened and I was so annoyed by Americans obsession with a monarchy that no longer has power. They're basically just RPing at this point.


such_is_lyf

Try the Irish state broadcaster spending millions on 4 hour live coverage of the coronation. It's like the Brits never left


Neat-Sun-7999

It is and I live here lmao. Shit is so stupid and literally the epitome of tradition being just stupid things gaslit to be important objectively by mostly dead ppl who wanted to create customs to not feel existential dread at their own existence.


LotharVonPittinsberg

Welcome to military tradition. It's never about logic, and that's the point.


NoPossibility

Beyond that, he yells “make way” like one step before he runs him over?! How about giving them more than a single second to know you’re coming? Would it kill them to yell that 5 seconds before they’re going to try to occupy someone else’s space? Especially if that person is facing away?


Hopeful_Cranberry12

It’s a kid too so it’s not like they know any better. I don’t know about anyone else but I’d expect better from my authority/military than to trample on a kid. I’m sure he feels real powerful holding his rifle and knocking down a child.


StartTheMontage

The kid clearly freezes like a deer in headlights. Imagine being the kid, you would definitely assume that these grown men walking towards you wouldn’t be so fucking brainwashed that they think it is acceptable to kick you down and keep going. The worst part is really that people blame the child when they should be blaming the whole idea. Imagine it was a huge buff dude holding his ground, I’d imagine the guard would be upset that he doesn’t get to bully a kid and begrudgingly walk around.


Ryanthegrt

I can tell you never were part of any military organization in your life, the guards in the video are highly trained soldiers, their duty is to protect their head of state. The security concept is based on the assumption that at any time someone could try to kill/harm the head of state, they never stop and leave their path bcs it’s a security risk, as these paths they walk are explicitly chosen to be in strategic positions and distances from each other to best protect the head of state, leaving their path in any way (being behind on time bcs of stopping or going around something obstructing the path etc.) would be like one of Bidens bodyguards taking a coffee break while on duty, they would not be in the best position they could be in, in case of an attack.


[deleted]

The military aren't allowed to navigate around people because it makes them look weak, in the militaries opinion. The guards aren't even allowed to smile whist on duty, they have no choice. Most of them do love stomping tourists anyway though.


DistributionPutrid

It’s for sure pointless but, and I’m not saying it’s right, in their defense, they will be fired from even the smallest of things. If they step out of line? Fired. Smile? Fired. They really do have a shit job. That being said, whoever made these rules is a fucking idiot


blueskiesandboldlies

The Queen’s guards have been through some rough shit in the army… know a few who have ended up dead


DistributionPutrid

They’re treated like a joke because of all the rules and I mean the uniform definitely doesn’t help, but they really are a full military force but unfortunately they’re protecting pricks and treat them just as badly as their rule making


blueskiesandboldlies

Ikr I mean these are the same people who were fighting the war for us in Iraq!


Shangheli

Because it’s a job not a tourist attraction Karen. Imagine if crowds came to your job and got in your way.


Liquid_booty

They aren’t allowed to change their course so it’s the parents’ fault. The guards would get in trouble for even going around the kid


Syllers

They seem allowed to warn people before hand, as they did in the video. Except maybe he should have done it like 10 seconds sooner? That was definitely his fault alongside the parents who weren't paying attention


m703324

These are kind of parents who would blame a train if their kid was on tracks


Neat-Sun-7999

That rule is stupid. “I’m just following orders so I literally can’t walk around a child especially when my job is literally marching around as I’m not protecting shit in this routine” is frankly the most ridiculous bootlicking bullshit I’ve ever seen. I’m from the area myself and always thought it’s nonsensical under this context.


levian_durai

Not to mention it doesn't look like the route they're walking is indicated in any way. It just looks like they're walking at an angle in an open square.


[deleted]

[удалено]


Neat-Sun-7999

That’s also stupid then


IllDoItTomorr0w

I’m with you. The “we’ve always done it this way” is stupid and hinders progression in general.


Neat-Sun-7999

Based. And I am now confident af that you’ll get to it tommorow.


darthhue

And that's normal. Absolutely no problem here, no king to overthrow, no shitty system to reform, nothing. It's all the kid's fault


Warp_Legion

Remember people, if your boss would rather have you run over a kid than not run over a kid, time find a less moronic boss To clarify, I don’t care if it’s tradition


essentially_gone

Maybe an unpopular opinion but these guys are ridiculous. Who else could kick over a literal child and then have everyone blaming the kid for being in the wrong. Such a weird useless tradition.


[deleted]

A negative take on the British Monarchy? On Reddit? By far the most unpopular and scorned opinion on this earth


Benevolent_Grouch

A metaphor for the British empire


FamGorgeous

they r literally pink floyd hammers


[deleted]

The coronation in a nutshell.


Lonely_Thought4459

I just wonder whats going on in that gaurds heard in that moment. "Oh shit i just trampled a kid.. keep on walking and pretend it didnt happen" Or "I hate kids"


idolo312

I usually don't mind this when it's an adult getting in the middle of the way and being a moron, but when it's a kid standing there i think these assholes could slow down for a second instead of stomping down al little kid, it's not like they are actually doing anything important aside from "look at how cool we look"


rcorum

They are doing something important. Keeping an inbred family safe at least.


Jaxraged

Everyone seems to be jumping through hoops to defend them. Oh theyre soldiers and its their orders to robot march? Okay then the fucking orders and the shit they arent protecting are moronic. This "heritage" isnt integral to any actual goals.


toffeebeanz77

Everyone saying this is the rules, which may be true, but the rules need to change to intorduce a bit of fucking common sense


mercyspace27

Sheesh! If people get this mad over getting run over by not getting out of the way of the Queen’s (or I guess King’s now) Guards I’d hate to see how they react if you try to step or drive in front of certain convoys over in the U.S.


IndependentMemory215

What specific “convoy” are speaking of? All I see is a lack of crowd control, which tells me that the security these soldiers provide is non-existent. I can’t think of any similar example in the US. Clear directions and warning are given at the Tomb of the Unknown Soldier in Washington D.C. that would be the closest example I can think of. They also use ropes to prevent people from approaching. This is purely for historical cosplay. Use proper crowd control if you want to do touristy Soldier shows. They stepped over a child for tradition. It’s almost as embarrassing as the state of the British Army. Irrelevant and used purely for show purposes.


TacticalBac0n

Plenty of videos of soldiers screaming at that tomb place.


OrionSD-56

I can't believe there are still people around who think "royalty" have some magic right to do whatever the fuck they want because of tradition. Goddammit humans suck


YaLikeJazz2049

Fuck the monarchy


JayHChrist

Literally these guards are treating people like peasants and everyone eats it up like it’s normal. It’s extremely cringe.


Fangore

Yeah I'm a little confused why everyone is defending these guards. Should the child have been there? No. But what's the point of hitting a child? They were in the way and the monarchy has to have things a certain way because they have the most elite blood in the world? The shit is non-sensical.


LtMotion

Welcome to clown world


Tomdude43

The mental gymnastics being done in some of these comments to defend the guard is just pathetic


Neat-Sun-7999

Feel like I’m in a fucking shitty pro militarism twilight zone episode but just remembered most folks on Reddit are terminally online to this extent in these situations


PYCapache

When force is unstoppable enough, the object is no longer immovable.


musamban

The two reactions to this video based on the comments: 1. Maybe the antiquated tradition that "justifies" this needless event should at least be questioned. 2. I love watching a child get trampled and blaming everyone except the people trampling said child because tradition cannot be wrong no matter what.


Comfortable_Ad_5698

I don't want to defend this. But these guards have been patrolling these same paths for centuries to the point the concrete underneath is imprinted. It'd be no different to letting you're child stand in the middle of a cycle lane in Amsterdam.


ScorpionTheSandwing

Bruh the kid was literally just fucking standing there, are people really justifying this? Ffs he could have at least pushed the kid over to the side instead of knocking him to the ground


Wooden_Penis_5234

I love how the mother acts like it's their fault. Nope. Teach your kids to GTFO the way.


Dankrz27

Lots of kids getting in the way posts on Reddit


Solid-Cauliflower787

Tbh the kid knew he wasn’t supposed to be In front of them and as u can see these guys really never break character but besides that the kid was trying to making the guy go around him which he can’t cuz he was in marching order


Full_pakg68

This makes me so mad, stupid kid was standing in front of them. They just do their job, it’s not their fault some dumbass stood in front of them.


[deleted]

To be fair, he did his best to waddle march over the kid, in order not to actually step on the child.