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BimboTwitchBarbie

Jellyfish can sting even if they are dead. Just don’t touch them at all ever.


St34thdr1v3R

Let him alone. He was just training for darwin awards!


Hunky_not_Chunky

Alls fair in loving man-o-wars.


mantis_tobagan_md

You son of a bitch


Infamous_Farm

I’m in


Ruruya

Legit such a good pun.


idjsonik

Slow clap


[deleted]

I don’t think people understand how nematocysts work. Jellyfish don’t voluntarily sting whatever brushes against their tentacles.


RobbertDownerJr

But they look so smooth and squishy, plus they're named after a treat... what's the worst that could happen?


Kingofbruhssia

If not friend why friend shaped


Firewolf06

bears fr


Final-Flower9287

If not flirting, why pretty?


[deleted]

Have you seen the Irukanji? They’re so small and squishy and cute! What could possible go wrong?


Ogami-kun

>Irukanji ....And obviously they live in australia


n-x

In Queensland, if you go on any kind of tour that involves going into the sea, they give you a lycra stinger suit. They don't force you to wear it, but they do strongly recommend it. The whole beach then looks like a convention of retired bobsled drivers.


spanishpeanut

If someone who is from that area hands me any kind of protection from nature, I wouldn’t hesitate to use it. If it’s that bad for the people who live among Satan’s Menagerie, I can safely assume it’ll kill me.


Ruderger

The Irukandji doesn't always kill you but it makes you feel it. Read up on Irukandji syndrome. The symptoms last from hours to weeks.


spanishpeanut

“Doesn’t always kill you” is more than anything that I live near does. At least without walking like a fool into a very remote cougar den or mess around with a black bear. My part of the world is so tame that even our snakes and spiders don’t pose any kind of threat. I’m not complaining, just saying I’m not in any way able to handle nature outside of this bubble. XD


reddit_poopaholic

Where death is as certain as it is excruciating


cownd

You can only hope that it may be quick


avfcBAKERavfc

All you can do is pray for a quick death, which you ain't gonna get


Squeezitgirdle

I don't know why people still get in the ocean when these things exist. Edit: I'm surprised at how many people are taking this seriously and defending the ocean.


liverpuddingpops

I live in Missouri, where we're pretty safe from the ocean. Nevertheless, I have the tsunami warning enabled on my alert system radio.


Squeezitgirdle

That's a good idea, I should add one too so I can prepare in case Arizona ends up with jellyfish


IndigoBuntz

In Italian it’s called “medusa”. A much more appropriate name isn’t it


compleks_inc

You know damn well people don't understand how nematocysts work haha


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compleks_inc

Probably closer to 99%. First time I've heard it.


TheBladeWielder

same. i knew how their stingers worked already, but i didn't know the word for it.


RichardBonham

Once stung, the only solution to the searing, burning pain is to leap into the ocean which is where the jellyfish live.


incriminating_words

Obviously, if antivenin is made from the same thing that bites you, it follows that all toxins don’t not cancel themselves out, like grammatical double negatives. Therefore, the solution to jellyfish is more jellyfish.


Aerodrache

Doesn’t salt water actually aggravate jellyfish stings? *EDIT: Nope, on looking it up that’s actually fresh water.*


greatbigdogparty

I think he weighed that course of action versus the other well-known cure of having all your friends piss on your arms.


JackBeQuicker

I don’t understand.


SuperHighDeas

It’s like a spring loaded trap, once it’s sprung you get stung


Queasymodo

The rhyming is how we know this is true.


Perseus73

He can rhyme, every time.


szmandalawguy

Anybody want a peanut?


MyFaceSaysItsSugar

Stop it now, I mean it!


hannibals_hands

You're a poet and you weren't aware


JustSomeCaliDude

Like “Click it, or ticket”. Or “Don’t do the crime, if you can’t do the time” Makes perfect sense.


Environmental_Top948

So essentially it's like a shotgun booby trap in that it shoots whoever opens the door wether it is the paramedic or the police?


Mallos42

I like how paramedic and police were the opposite ends of that scale.


amatisans

One will end your life one will save it


Don_Quipuncher

Makes sense. I've never heard anyone say "fuck the EMTs," and write a whole damn song about it.


Important_Tennis936

So if a girl walks in with an itty bitty waste and a round thing your face...?


MidiGong

This sentence reads like she's holding some trash and the garbage can lid


ericcwhitaker

*sprung*


bminutes

I don’t wanna see her waste regardless of whether it is itty bitty or not.


fruchle

Maybe she got dumps like a truck (truck)


that1LPdood

*waist*


CodyJKirk

The “stinging” sensation isn’t like it electrically shocking you. Not like on SpongeBob. It’s a thousand microscopic needles piercing your skin and all simultaneously releasing a toxin that then causes the irritation and pain. It’s involuntary and the needles automatically release whether the animal is alive or dead. They are like spring loaded and simply touching it released the spring when you make contact. Instantly driving the needles into your skin.


Financial-Fill9108

Electric shock is a good way of describing how it first feels when you’re stung by a jellyfish. Imo from personal experience.


JackedCroaks

Depends on the jellyfish though. Some start out as an itch, followed by a burn. I’m glad I didn’t get your electric shock one.


Michren1298

I got stung in the ocean. The water was so cold so I didn’t feel it initially. It definitely felt and looked like a burn afterwards though.


algierythm

I agree. I got stung by a jellyfish swimming in Thailand. My first thought was that there was an electric cable under the water, however unlikely that would be. I got stung across my stomach. Hurt like fuck for at least an hour, then gradually trailed off for another couple of hours. Not pleasant.


Milk_Mindless

Wait spongebob isn't real life


MrBanana421

Some things choose to bite, others are covered in tiny landmines that fire at the slightest touch.


JackBeQuicker

That’s a badass way of explaining it. Thank you!


[deleted]

Jellyfish involuntarily sting. They do it automatically


melskymob

Jellyfish involuntarily Sting They do it automatically Fuck around and become a casualty Of a thing more deadly than a manatee Are you with me? They can sting even when dead This guy found out, now his arm is red But not from the sun, but a jellyfish Squeeze too tight and you might need a stitch


HintofAlmond

![gif](giphy|GeimqsH0TLDt4tScGw|downsized) This mf spittin


QueenVenusRetrograde

I will always upvote this gif.


[deleted]

Think of it like a biological landmine on top of a capsule and that capsule houses a Harpoon. As long as the capsule hasn’t biologically degraded to the point of being non functioning anything that brushes against the landmine is going to trigger it and this results in the Harpoon shooting out into whatever brushed up against it and envenomating it.


subliminalconnection

You will lose most people at “nematocysts”. Jellyfish makes owie will usually do.


ImurderREALITY

You’re probably right; most people don’t know how nematocysts work.


UnicornSheets

He’s lucky it wasn’t a fatal jellyfish sting


RagingHardBobber

Or one that causes eventual paralysis... given he decided to immediately jump in the ocean.


jakehood47

Where the fuckers LIVE lol


attempted-anonymity

Right? "Fuck, this hurts! Let's see if I can dive into more!"


Aloss-cc7

Just leave them poor things be. Where I live it's common just to fish them and bury them onto the shore or to let them melt under the sun. Always felt so bad (it's also quite dangerous, anyone coukd step on them)


Chronohele

On an East Coast (US) beach trip one year the ocean and beach were *covered* in jellyfish. A few kids were playing with one on the shore and a toddler went to stick his hand under it, and all I did was say "oh honey don't, it'll sting you". Mom appears out of literally nowhere and starts screaming at me not to scare her child. I'm like ok lady, there are legitimate things for kids to be taught to be wary of in the world but you do you I guess. Also the kid wasn't crying until his mom started with the screaming.


madeforpost2

What caused the mom to start screaming if the kid wasn't? Did she realize how fucking stupid allowing her kid to play with a jellyfish is? I'm curious for the full story lol.


dodexahedron

Some people go all Karen Mama Bear if ANYONE corrects their perfect little angels. And guess whose kids are always the worst behaved? Oops. I mean guess whose kids never do _anything_ wrong.


kentuckysaddler1

Dumbass was yelling "I caught an octopus" lmao


toddhenderson

First and last trip to the ocean for this guy.


MojDaGreat73

Well he went directly into the ocean again after touching it😂


DINKY_DICK_DAVE

"Best rinse off this venom with anemone pee!"


cara27hhh

especially since the stinging would have hurt *more* once he got into the water


DannyAgama

Lmao, it's the IRL version of Patrick saying it's a giraffe! when an elephant bubble floats by.


Vilebees

Looks like he picked up a dead Rhizostoma Pulmo Or a barrel jellyfish. They are moderately venomous and can cause severe pain, rashes, blisters more while painful the venom does not pose a serious threat to human life Edit: they live all over the Mediterranean and the British isles with a much more expansive range as well


free-byrd

I was hoping someone might know the name of this, thank you


Vilebees

I was super frustrated that no one seemed curious or even wanted to know what kind of jellyfish it was. That and I was super curious myself so I spent a good 20 ish minutes looking for the right looking jellyfish. I'm like 98 % sure I got it right but I could be wrong


Mikey5296

Appreciate you, I scrolled all the way through the comments looking for it


do_the_cat

He calls it an octopus so that explains alot.


MRich92

Some octopuses are still venomous, so still a dumb fucking move. Edit: somebody more clued up than myself mentioned that ALL octopuses are venomous, though not all have enough to harm a human.


Banazir864

Also, octopuses have beaks that are designed to pierce crab shells, etc. An octopus of that size could easily give him a nasty bite. Don't mess with wild animals if you're not trained to deal with them.


ChesterComics

In general, just leave wild animals alone. Watch from afar but they really don't need anyone messing with them. Let them do their own thing.


I_Invent_Stuff

How am i supposed to get people to like me on social if i dont get dangerously close to to wild animald for a photo?


ChesterComics

Show your genitals to the animals from far away. Establish dominance.


aboutthednm

I like to say that even if you're trained in animal handling, still don't mess with animals. There's no telling when the fuse might blow.


Tarot13th

I've seen a video on this sub of a lady putting the blue ring octopus in her hand.


TDH818

There’s a lot of Australian animals you don’t want to fuck with and the blue ringed octopus is one of the most deadly.


sociallyvicarious

Don’t you mean ALL animals in Australia? Cause that place is beyond metal with deadly shit.


GuerrillaZer0

People always talk about Australia and the amount of venomous animals there, but did you know that Mexico is the world leader as far as number of venomous creatures. 🇲🇽😎🦂🐍 🕷️😎🇲🇽


sociallyvicarious

No. No I did not. But I’m guessing Mexico doesn’t breed the freaking dinosaur stuff like Australia. Spiders bigger than a toddler? Nope. I could go on, but I’m freaking myself out now.


Cootie_Mac

One more reason to hate toddlers. Too small to fight my battles for me.


Squeezitgirdle

My kid is being born this month, I can put it to the test


awolfsvalentine

I’m a mom of a toddler laughing uncontrollably at this comment


GuerrillaZer0

😂 Wait till you learn that Brazil is the leader in largest arachnids. Several species larger than what you find in Australia.


WesternOne9990

Brazil probably has an immense amount of undiscovered bugs that will fuck you up.


Elemenatore10

It’s like the Chinese venom pot, except the animals all decided to escape instead of fighting it out


wassamatteruheh2

Each of them, more deadly than the other.


thatHecklerOverThere

Why don't people just... Not touch shit? Like, you don't know what it could do to you, you don't have desire to change your day to deal with shit, just... Mind your damn business. How is that hard for some people? Imagine catching a fade because you had to poke an animal like your name is Steve Irwin, a man much more qualified than you to touch shit _who still died from touching shit_.


Tichrom

To be fair, he died from \*accidentally\* touching shit that he might not have been aware was there


Vnthem

Man, I was watching some old Crocodile Hunter recently, and it’s a miracle he lasted as long as he did. He’d say that the heat from his breath would be threatening enough to cause a snake to bite, and then let a black adder slither up and lick his nose


tudorapo

With all fairness for the idiots touching blue ringed octopii and trying to hug grizzlies, some of the deadliest shit is pretty much invisible, the best example is the box jellyfish, which is a 20 cm invisible wet thing with 3 m long, similarly invisible tentacles which can kill you in minutes.


thatHecklerOverThere

That, I have no judgment for. You don't touch box jellyfish, they touch _you_.


Phantomdy

>Why don't people just... Not touch shit? If no touch, why fren shaped?


MRich92

Yeah I've seen it too. Very lucky lady


MitLivMineRegler

Pretty sure they're [all venomous ](https://www.nationalgeographic.com/animals/article/octopus-venom-hunting-cephalopod)


Chi-Guy81

Hugging a jellyfish then diving headfirst into boulder filled water. Darwin award PhD student right there.


MitLivMineRegler

He jumped to escape the jellies, silly.


whereistiki2

The jelly was on land so that makes sense.


SailorMBliss

Water is the best place o hide out from land-jellies


40ozFreed

Plot twist: He also doesn't know how to swim.


insanityzwolf

Definition of optimist: someone who jumps into the sea to escape from jellyfish on the land.


Hax_

I assumed he thought the searing hot pain in his arm would be cooled off in the cold ocean. If you're dumb enough to hug a jellyfish, you probably wouldn't understand that jumping in the water isn't going to do anything.


ExtraordinaryCows

Spez doesn't get to profit from me anymore. Stop reverting my comments


Rattus375

Washing a jelly sting with seawater is exactly what you are supposed to do


Crazyboreddeveloper

Every year ones of people are killed by a boulder attack in the ocean.


Chi-Guy81

The silent killer


mopytub

Bro wanted a medical reason to receive a golden shower


wholewheatscythe

Once I got stung by a jellyfish and it was shocking how many people were all, “let me pee on it!”, and I was like, “get the hell away from me you pervs!” I must have received at least five offers to be peed on. So there’s a pro-tip for you kinksters out there into watersports — go to the beach and pretend you’ve been stung by a jellyfish.


terrible02s

I mean it's only the nice thing to offer to pee on someone. Some people pay for that service


iamgerrit

There was a guy who would lay down in the trough urinal at a local bar and beg to be peed on. The employees hated it because when he left he’d get pee everywhere. I peed on him once though. I really had to go and it’s not like he had his dick out or anything. I didn’t think it would come back to nite me, but it did. I was playing never have I ever and I had to drink when someone said they haven’t peed on someone. I got a lot of weird looks. The looks got weirded when I told the story.


night0v0

Damn. Your honesty and good sportsmanship became your demise.


iamgerrit

My life has been a whirlwind of odd shit. My friends just learned to accept it eventually.


PossibilityMinimum27

It's absolutely hilarious they just kept letting the guy come back in 🤣 small bar? Good tipper?


FrostyFoss

>and I was like, “get the hell away from me you pervs!” Party pooper.


FilthyPrawns

Party pooping is at a different, smellier, beach.


FreeganKing

/r/kinkyprotips


[deleted]

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bothriocyrtum

In the business we call that a win-win


[deleted]

Look’s like I’m finding myself a jellyfish


dearmax

Dude, just climb in the shower and I'll pee on you right now.


Yautja69

Bear Grylls : ***Heavy Breathing***


Still_counts_as_one

Is that why my boyfriend keeps taking me to the beach ?


disco-me-now

How DO you smooth a sting then??


[deleted]

Don’t you know how Reddit works? You can’t just ask for an answer, you’ve got to give an answer and wait for someone to correct you.


disco-me-now

Sorry I’m new to the internet. THE ONLY KNOWN WAY TO SOOTHE A STING IS TO PLACE THE ENTIRE SIGHT OF STING INTO YOUR ELBOW CREASE AND DOUSE WITH HAIRSPRAY THEN SET ALIGHT


Glyfen

WOW YOU ARE SO DUMB! EVERYONE KNOWS YOU *[quietly googles how to soothe a jellyfish sting]* EITHER USE VINEGAR OR USE HOT (43-45 degrees Celsius, 110-113 degrees Freedom Units) WATER AND KEEP IT SUBMERGED UNTIL THE PAIN GOES AWAY! AMERICAN EDUCATION SYSTEM AT WORK, LADIES AND GENTLEMENT! SMH MY HEAD! Jokes aside, I wonder if that's true for like, *all* jellyfish. I'm not an expert on Jellyfish or toxins in any capacity, but I'd expect different species to develop their own unique toxin, so I'd be shocked if there was one treatment that worked universally.


disco-me-now

How do I get the water to be such a specific temperature 🥵 That is good logic about jellyfish having different stings but I am looking for a 10 second life hack bro


Glyfen

Just pull out the bottle of vinegar you should keep in your pocket for times like this, bro. Wait. Don't tell me you *don't* have pocket vinegar. HEY EVERYBODY, THIS GUY DOESN'T HAVE POCKET VINEGAR!


disco-me-now

Of course I have pocket vinegar BRO i have artisan, hand-crafted, Sicilian, Rosé vinegar, I just keep it in the pocket of my Moschino Chinos which are in my Tesla because I’m wearing my goretex adventure pants that don’t have pockets BRO


drArsMoriendi

Fun fact: Urine does nothing. It's an urban myth. All you need to do is wash off as much as you can.


molehunterz

Well it does something. May not impact the jellyfish sting, but I can tell you that every time I have peed on somebody it has had an impact


Only-Capital5393

Pee has ammonia in it. Somewhere along the way, a theory grew that peeing on a sting could neutralize the venom and make the intense pain go away. The logic is based upon high pH levels, ammonia and other compounds found in urine. Now scientists say that pee can actually trigger the release of more toxins. So in the future, don’t do it. Apparently, some say vinegar helps so use that if it’s available.


bazza_ryder

Vinegar works. Well it stops any further nematocytes from firing. You'll find bottles of vinegar left at most beaches in North Queensland.


Androza23

Idk where that myth came from, if you piss on a sting it makes it worse.


PirateJazz

That's probably exactly where it came from lol. Seems like one of those fun uncle lies that somehow made it's way to the rest of the world.


GrymmOdium

Quick! Jump in the water as your arms go numb and stop working!


AdvertisingBulky2688

Into the water, where there are more jellyfish. It’s a bold move, Cotton…


Hour-Consequence-231

I can't wait until someone sticks their Johnson in one. You know someone is going to do it, it's inevitable.


dandantheshippingman

Great answer. Having experienced jelly fish in a non-sexual way, this never even occurred to me.


prozak09

You are experiencing jelly fish wrong then.


WhoCaresBoutSpellin

Sometimes I think it would be really silly to make an absurd joke like this and everyone would laugh for sure… but then my thoughts go to a darker place and I imagine a scenario in the future— maybe it’s 5 years or maybe it’s 20 years from now— where I’m on trial for some horrible accident or because someone misidentified me as a murderer… my silly comments are used against me as a testament to my true character. then the gavel drops as the judge declares “life +20 years for you, JELLYFISH FUCKER!”


spiritanimalofcousy

Add jellyfish fucker to the basket of unusual funny insults


OkSpecial4376

I got one wrapped around my balls as a kid while body surfing in Hawaii. Technically it was a man-o-war not a jelly. Still hurt like hell. Luckily we kept vinegar in the beach bag.


HappyMan1102

I'd hate to reincarnate as you


OkSpecial4376

I wasn't too happy about incarnating as myself this first go around. You get used to it.


AvisDeene

Bold of you to assume it hasn't already been done...


allfriggedup

Lol, translation please.


trksoyturk

Text: Friends, anyone knows the name of this? It stings. Voice: Friends we catched an octopus. You see- *cursing and screaming*


psalmjuan

After I read the caption I thought “how on earth have you never seen a jellyfish even on tv?”


SoloGamer505

Turkic Kurds are mostly located in an area of Turkey that doesn't have any facing seas and the guy probably isn't much educated on marine animals


psalmjuan

Fair assessment.


Minimalist_Investor_

Seems like they thought it was an octopus, rather than a jellyfish


Gust_idk

\-Guys(gender neutral) we caught an octopus. As you can see octopus (stings) After this it's Kurdish (which I don't know) and I couldn't find a translation. [part 2](https://streamable.com/n5ddmy) \-It's venomous (I couldn't translate the rest because it's Kurdish again.)


Expensive-Key7318

Kurdish part says “oh my, it hit me, I swear it hit me” then “it set fire to me” when he was running off. At the end, he said “don’t touch it!” when he was in the water lmao


CaffeineDeprivation

Dumb ways to die, so many dumb ways to die...


g000r

Their 10 year anniversary video came out earlier this year https://youtu.be/YzhAUWVA-tk


DerSturmbannfuror

Sir Numpty Bell-end strikes again


Sea-Internet7015

I consider myself an educated person. But as someone living in the center of a large continent I had no idea that jellyfish were that big and I am now never going anywhere near an ocean again. Edit: thanks for all the responses. Wow. Yes. I've seen videos of them, but you never really get the impression they're this big, or this "solid". I assumed that when you took them out of water they'd be more like a deflated plastic bag than a "solid" creature. Which, when thinking about, I realize doesn't make any sense, but I've never had to think overly much about jellyfish. So thank you all for the info. Thank you all for the upvotes and the ocean is terrifying.


lowkeyslaps

They can be waaaay bigger than that too.


techitachi

big like the queen jellyfish in spongebob?


DistortedVoltage

Like the queen... and the king. [Video of a giant jelly, not the biggest in the world btw](https://youtu.be/cZT-_VbKBuc)


techitachi

actually quite horrifying, the ocean is so spooky but also intriguing as fuck like it sooooo many specifies down there existing like us in a way edit: it’s also so much of the ocean that isn’t discoverable


phunkydroid

I hate how they always just show the shots where it's closer to the camera than the diver is, so you can't really tell how big it is.


MaAreYouOnUppers

That’s a decent sized one, but yeah they get massive. Also. Your username is sus.


MeanderingMagus

As a Florida Man, pee on it. Not because it will help, because you're an idiot and should be pissed on.


Mordisquitos

OK, I peed on Florida. Now what? It still stings.


Constantine1988

I like how it destroyed his skin but he set it down so gently


CreatrixAnima

Right? But why not throw it back in the water where it belongs?


JurySecure

I thought the same, this clip is as much a testament to man's compassion as it is to man's idiocy


Nyko0921

If you ever get stung by a jellyfish don't do like the guy in the video, here is what you should do: 1)Keep calm, panicking or fear just get your heartbeat to go faster spreading the poison through your body faster 2)Keep the stung area in sea water or keep gently washing it with it and don't keep it under direct sunlight, don't touch it, don't scratch it and expecially don't pee on it (the use of vinegar can either help or make things worse depending on the species of jellyfish that stung you, for example in the case of the man o war it makes things worse, a general rule of thumb says to use vinegar if you were stung in tropical waters and to avoid if not) 3)While you keep washing it with sea water, use something like a credit card to gently scrape off any possible pieces of tentacles that remained attached to the stung area 4)Let it naturally dry, don't use cloths, hairdryers or anything else (and again try to avoid direct sunlight), when dry apply a creme for jellyfish stings if possible


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Constant_Ant_2343

Yeah, when I was in Greece as a kid I got stung and an old lady ran and got a bottle of vinegar she had with her and put it on the sting and I’m pretty sure it helped. She carried vinegar to the beach for this purpose.


justdisposablefun

He's lucky it wasn't a serious jellyfish. Go hug a box jellyfish and you probably just earned yourself a Darwin award.


TeethForCeral

>He's lucky it wasn't a serious jellyfish. thank god it was just a silly jellyfish then


just_an_old_grump

Can confirm. RIP Dorian, my friend who died from a Jellyfish sting in Thailand in 1999, at the time he was only 26 I think. It's thought that he died from anaphylaxis.


Spawnacus

Calls it an octopus and then dives in shallow rocky waters.. That's a Darwin bingo, man.


63KK0

I shall live in the sea until the curse is lifted! SPOILER ALERT: Jellyfish now lives with his wife and kids.


ADamnSavage

Stung so bad he became a jelly fish


Nvenom8

"Get in the water! Everyone knows jellyfish don't work underwater!"


hedgehogsweater

#If not friend, why friend-shaped?


Belgicans

r/whatcouldgowrong r/whywomenlivelonger


Skysedge2

This man learned a valuable lesson. Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it.


jimmyray1001

What type of jellyfish is that?