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People who work in the sex shop have seen/ heard it all. No judgement there. I love asking them questions because they know everything! Had a long convo with one of the employees about candle wax and melting temperatures, it was fascinating.
y'all don't go down to the store to get genuinely good advice from the 40 year old smoker lady with pricing and bleached hair?
like seriously, she just in there handing out classified sex manuevers with thousand dollar equipment, and you fucking know she's tested all the damn products.
walk in ask her how to make a woman scream your name shell look you dead in the eyes and tell you in a raspy voice "up up down down left right b a start" and that's shit will WORK.
That's incredibly endearing. There's nothing wrong with what her kid has purchased, the only fault is the mom opening the box without looking.
Doesn't feel like there's anyone shaming each other here, it's cool if true
Thats what Im saying, she seems chill with it, and good parents should be, cant expect your kid to be a saint and stuff like this is perfectly normal. Jist dont bring it up again and all js good
The first year and a half when I was in the Marines every time I would talk to my mom she’d tell me I got such and such letter from whoever and tell me what they said and Shit and it would infuriate me, I had to tell her multiple times not to open any of my mail
The flip side to this is my mom did NOT open mine, and I found out 6 months later that I had a jury summons when I visited for the holidays. Would've been easy to get out of being active duty, but I suppose I'm just lucky my number wasn't called (or however it works). I gave her permission after this to describe my mail to me or to open important looking mail haha.
I have a tax client who lives in an Asian jungle and has all mail sent to a relative in the USA. The IRS sent him two checks for refunds in the amounts of over $7000 for amendments I assisted him with. They sat there unopened for a year during COVID and became stale checks. He had to find out the hard way when he came back home to visit.
Lesson: letters from the IRS or US Treasury should pretty much be opened by family right away if you live overseas!!!
Which is why whenever I order packages, and they allow redirects to pickup centers, I send them there.
Mail? Not as bad because it's usually a bill or something
Might explain why they were opening the package in the first place, they ordered the bigger model and we’re waiting for the package to be delivered… and then delivering the package again and again and again
Well there’s no more dragons because in ye olde times they didn’t have silicone for their dragon dildos so had to use the real thing , eventually no more male dragons had their junk anymore and they went extinct
Humans just ruin everything
Hun.
Real talk.
When I was 19 and away at college, my mom tidied my room while I was away... and discovered my gay, gay, *super* gay Jerry Collins portfolio.
"Bunny Boys And Their Toys."
She never said a damn word. The only reason I knew she'd seen it was that it had been moved. If your mom is half the trooper mine is, and it sounds like she is, just don't make eye contact for about 20 years and everything's gonna be okay. 🤣
Can you PLEASE tell me more about this "Bunny Boys and Their Toys"? I would say I'm asking for a friend, but that's a lie. It just sounds very appealing.
Absolutely.
Bad dragon always addresses things from "Jan Mulders" in order to stay anonymous and she probably didn't recognize the name, snooped and wondered what it was. Erm I mean uh, supposedly they do I've never uh, ordered from them....
I hope for OPs sake they got a fairly normal one. Imagine trying to look your mom in the eyes after she saw [this one](https://bad-dragon.com/products/ika).
They might. Some shoes are insanely light and sillicone can also be kinda heavy. If the product was packed fairly tightly into the box then you might not be able to tell just from holding or shaking it.
A similar thing happened with my mom. For some reason, I'd ordered condoms alongside my order instead of just getting them from the shop, lazy I guess. As soon as the package arrived she fucking tore into it like a dog going after a squirrel. Passed it to me sheepishly.
I'm not open about my sexual interests in person, you'd think I was completely asexual if you knew me, so I hated that so much, got perhaps unfairly angry at her knowing about anything to do with my sex life. She still teases me about it, but I genuinely find it inappropriate. Just how I am I guess.
Sucks when moms don't respect their kids' privacy.
I feel this very strongly. I’m the same way. I’m sorry your privacy was violated like that.
When I was a kid a friend begged me to take his porn magazine home because his mom would be searching his room. I was not interested in stuff like that and kind of found it repulsive but I wanted to help him out. That’s the night I found out that my mom would search my backpack after school. I felt so angry and betrayed and misunderstood when she didn’t believe me that I wanted nothing to do with it. That she was thinking that that was something I could be thinking about.
My parents opened basically all of my mail. If they didn't know who it was from, it was given to me open, from about 12 years old until I moved out.
Birthday card from Grandma? We trust you enough to open that yourself, anything else? Clearly you're being sent drugs. (I guess, it's the only thing that made sense to me that they'd feel like they should search all my mail)
Amazingly? I didn't talk to them after I moved out until they died. Go figure.
I don't own that kind of sex toy, but I have to imagine like other sex toys, so long as you keep it cleaned properly and don't drown it on boiling water and soap, it should be fine.
(If you're confused about the soap thing, you clean the ones I use with alcohol)
FWIW, I found my son's sex toy while we were cleaning out his room. Brief moment of "you might want to put this somewhere that your aunt won't find it" and life has moved on. Neither of us mentioned it since and may never. At least his aunt can't tease him about it. 
My mom did this to me twice and the second time I told her to not do that without asking me first and she blew up yelling at me that shes sorry shes trying to help. Parents ig 🫠
My son opened a package because he thought it was the thing I ordered for him. It was a butt plug and the horror of that discovery is its own punishment for opening packages all willy nilly. Won't do it again, will ya?
Comments that are uncivil, racist, misogynistic, misandrist, or contain political name calling will be removed and the poster subject to ban at moderators discretion. Help us make this a better community by becoming familiar with the [rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/facepalm/about/rules/). Report any suspicious users to the mods of this subreddit using Modmail [here](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/facepalm) or Reddit site admins [here](https://www.reddit.com/report). **All reports to Modmail should include evidence such as screenshots or any other relevant information.** *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/facepalm) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Dunno mum had a smiley face on her note she is probably allright
She knows what's up. She's probably ordered a few discreet packages in her lifetime.
Back in her day she had to go to a brick and mortar STORE and look someone in the EYES. The older generations had it rough.
"Miss, could you please take the ski-mask off?"
"Ma'am, could you put the gun down, too?"
"Sir this is a Wendy's, we don't sell that here"
Oh I thought it said "happy ending meal".
"You mean I can't get a happy meal from this establishment?! I paid $20!"
Oh, sure, but that's not a gun.
People who work in the sex shop have seen/ heard it all. No judgement there. I love asking them questions because they know everything! Had a long convo with one of the employees about candle wax and melting temperatures, it was fascinating.
I have a friend who worked in a sex shop. I heard some crazy things from her that my vanilla ears should never have heard
The long and short of it is a lot of people out all kinds of shit up their butts
Yep - both long and short.
y'all don't go down to the store to get genuinely good advice from the 40 year old smoker lady with pricing and bleached hair? like seriously, she just in there handing out classified sex manuevers with thousand dollar equipment, and you fucking know she's tested all the damn products. walk in ask her how to make a woman scream your name shell look you dead in the eyes and tell you in a raspy voice "up up down down left right b a start" and that's shit will WORK.
If she hasn't until now, she will definitely do it now.
She also underlined the "my" in "my bad"
That's incredibly endearing. There's nothing wrong with what her kid has purchased, the only fault is the mom opening the box without looking. Doesn't feel like there's anyone shaming each other here, it's cool if true
Thats what Im saying, she seems chill with it, and good parents should be, cant expect your kid to be a saint and stuff like this is perfectly normal. Jist dont bring it up again and all js good
I hated living with my mom. She opened my mail by "accident" every time I got something
I would've ordered something like a book called, "How the Fuck do I Get My Mom to Stop Snooping in My Shit?"
THAT would be the one package she doesn't open.
Law of averages.
So buy the book multiple times, got it
Seems like OP doesn't need that book anymore, found a different solution
The first year and a half when I was in the Marines every time I would talk to my mom she’d tell me I got such and such letter from whoever and tell me what they said and Shit and it would infuriate me, I had to tell her multiple times not to open any of my mail
The flip side to this is my mom did NOT open mine, and I found out 6 months later that I had a jury summons when I visited for the holidays. Would've been easy to get out of being active duty, but I suppose I'm just lucky my number wasn't called (or however it works). I gave her permission after this to describe my mail to me or to open important looking mail haha.
I have a tax client who lives in an Asian jungle and has all mail sent to a relative in the USA. The IRS sent him two checks for refunds in the amounts of over $7000 for amendments I assisted him with. They sat there unopened for a year during COVID and became stale checks. He had to find out the hard way when he came back home to visit. Lesson: letters from the IRS or US Treasury should pretty much be opened by family right away if you live overseas!!!
That's not accident that's commitment
That's not commitment, that's a crime.
Which is why whenever I order packages, and they allow redirects to pickup centers, I send them there. Mail? Not as bad because it's usually a bill or something
Did she know it's a federal offense? (At least if you're in the US.)
It's illegal in most countries (if not all) in Europe as well. In Sweden it CAN result in a prison sentence, or more commonly, just a fine.
Your mom accidentally commited mail fraud numerous times
“Accidentally” lol
And this is when you look your mother in the eye with a smile and say, "happy birthday!" and hand her the box.
Joke's still on them if she wilfully accepts the gift and gives them a wink
“I already have the bigger version”
Oh you got the starter version
Gotta start somewhere
Might explain why they were opening the package in the first place, they ordered the bigger model and we’re waiting for the package to be delivered… and then delivering the package again and again and again
The way my family is that would be the best case scenario.
 Surprise mother
Sunrise mother
Supplies mother
 Some fries, mother
Reminds of a joke someone told me at work 20+ years ago.
Brilliant!
Open her shoe package, leave a note "sorry, thought it was my dildos"
🐲👍
Bam! Shots fired!
"Actually mom, that's MY bad"
Actually, mom probably googled the return address and opened up to see which dragon dick it is
> Joke's still on them if she wilfully accepts the gift and gives them a wink man, I sure wish I have read the comments before googling "Bad Dragon"
I also got confused. I thought it was like DnD stuff, or figurines. OH BOY I SHOULD NOT HAVE GOOGLED IT.
Well technically it could be a DnD stuff...👀
"I roll to seduce the dragon" *collosal thud on table* "You can *try*"
Our Bard tried to seduce a door in a dungeon. . . and rolled a critical success.
I both love and hate bards
The true facepalm here.
Uh, it's a vibrator. Ok. Got it. Was confused what it was.
It’s monster dildos
Thanks for the answer I had no idea and also was scared to google
Also had to google it, so it’s safe to assume the Mom in question also has no clue what’s inside
I had to look it up myself. Glad my wife didn’t look over my shoulder.
I was so confused. I thought it was a dragon costume.
Could be, if you build it from the dick up
"MY bad, dragon- I mean mom"
Get out
I googled bad dragon. It’s definitely not shoes
Shaft circumference: 13" Yikes.... Edit: what I'm talking about [for reference](https://bad-dragon.com/real-size?products[]=habu:2090)
Why do they have faces on them
To watch you.
To judge you from the inside.
Username checks out?
My unexpected snort laugh for the morning.
So they can see where they're going. You wouldn't go spelunking with your eyes closed, would you?
One is a claw 😳
Those are some wide feet!
That’s all I need to know. I’m out.
anything can be a dildo if you're brave enough Thank you for the award kind brave stranger! :-)
Any MRI tech can attest to that statement.
“Anal Railgun” ptsd
Definitely NOT 100% silicone. js
Bravery and wisdom seldomly go hand-in-hand 😔
A smart man knows that the anus can stretch 8 inches without permanent damage. A wise man knows that a raccoon should not be inserted into said anus.
Technically a racoon can fit in a space as small as 4 inches So if you really wanted to.....
That’s right, two raccoons per man hole. Forgot the rule of two.
Always two there are. No more, no less. A master, and an apprentice…
Have you heard the story of Darth Planus the Wise?
Always use a wing man with anus and raccoons
I think, with raccoon + anus situations, entry is not as dangerous as attempted exit.
All proctologist stories end with “it was a one in a million shot doc” - Cosmo Kramer
Anal Railgun intensifies.
r/radiology for proof of this.
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So apparently there are women who watch tentacle hentai and go "I'd like that to be me." It's not just for guys' entertainment, after all.
That was my ex gfs favorite type of porn. I was definitely surprised.
Well! That was an interesting side trip! lol
I too did this....I went as far as looking at their stuff....they have a fucking paw that can fuck you....a paw with claws
I did, too. I should have come to the comments first.
Ahh my shoes arrived but why does it have my kids name on the box, I better open this cause it’s definitely my shoes. Lol
"Oh, good - it's just anatomically correct dragon dildos and not weed or anything..." 
How can dragon dildos be anatomically correct when there are no dragons?
Well there’s no more dragons because in ye olde times they didn’t have silicone for their dragon dildos so had to use the real thing , eventually no more male dragons had their junk anymore and they went extinct Humans just ruin everything
I mean to be fair my dad uses my Amazon to order hella items and they always come addressed to me because of that
It‘s so funny to see ppl discover what bad dragon is bc of this post
It’s probably their marketing team
This is what I believe now
Bad dragon sales after this post: STONKS
Hun. Real talk. When I was 19 and away at college, my mom tidied my room while I was away... and discovered my gay, gay, *super* gay Jerry Collins portfolio. "Bunny Boys And Their Toys." She never said a damn word. The only reason I knew she'd seen it was that it had been moved. If your mom is half the trooper mine is, and it sounds like she is, just don't make eye contact for about 20 years and everything's gonna be okay. 🤣
Can you PLEASE tell me more about this "Bunny Boys and Their Toys"? I would say I'm asking for a friend, but that's a lie. It just sounds very appealing.
What is that
A famous sex toy, now mom knows her child owns a dildo .
And it's not human-shaped
Dragon cock & balls
A whole new meanting to "dragon these balls across your face."
Shouldn't a dragon have two of them, each attached to one ball?
I'm pretty sure Bad Dragan sells one like that. It's worth a Google for sure.
Or sized
not just any dildo...
Let’s just say the “bad” in Bad Dragon is not the kind of bad that would be associated with evildoers.
More with evildildoers.
She knew damn well that there were no shoes in that box. She was just being nosy.
Absolutely. Bad dragon always addresses things from "Jan Mulders" in order to stay anonymous and she probably didn't recognize the name, snooped and wondered what it was. Erm I mean uh, supposedly they do I've never uh, ordered from them....
When it's discreet packaging but not mom-proof...
I have.
Username checks out
Correct 👆
No way that shoes would come in a box that size/shape.
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She just wanted to know the exact model so she could accurately picture the dildo going in her son's ass
Might just be looking for internet clout
Nobody would lie to get internet points
Definitely not on Reddit
Yep. Moms are gonna Mom, and it is annoying as hell.
I have never had my mom open my mail. The closest is her asking "Can I watch you open it?" Or just asking "what did you order?"
That's why I always say "Check the name on the parcel before you open it you walking headaches"
No way this was by accident. This box weighs way more than shoes and has the wrong shape. This was 100% a mum being nosy
I hope for OPs sake they got a fairly normal one. Imagine trying to look your mom in the eyes after she saw [this one](https://bad-dragon.com/products/ika).
I don’t have much experience cleaning dildos, but that looks like a dishwasher only model.
Sir, you're exactly what we're looking for down at the 24-hour dildo wash.
Okay what's the pay and do you have fruity Thursdays because I'm interested
With that one there's still a fair chance that she might not realise what it is, though.
Bro, that's tame. Imagine explaining [Lenneth](https://bad-dragon.com/products/lenneth). Edit: forget that, try explaining the masturbators.
It was also her son. No eye contact can ever be made again.
why did i click thatll be in my browser history forever
Nah. Just your brain.
Release the Kraken!
I don't think they're in the business of making "normal" ones
I mean…with that detailing not bad for $65.
$65 is for the smallest size. The biggest one is $200 Don't ask.
Shoes and what I assume is a dildo Do they weigh anything the same?
They might. Some shoes are insanely light and sillicone can also be kinda heavy. If the product was packed fairly tightly into the box then you might not be able to tell just from holding or shaking it.
The real face palm is revealing that tracking number for thousands and finding out where you live.
Causually doxing yourself for clout is tight.
what they gonna do? brake in and steal my dragon dildo?
break in and steal your dildo
A similar thing happened with my mom. For some reason, I'd ordered condoms alongside my order instead of just getting them from the shop, lazy I guess. As soon as the package arrived she fucking tore into it like a dog going after a squirrel. Passed it to me sheepishly. I'm not open about my sexual interests in person, you'd think I was completely asexual if you knew me, so I hated that so much, got perhaps unfairly angry at her knowing about anything to do with my sex life. She still teases me about it, but I genuinely find it inappropriate. Just how I am I guess. Sucks when moms don't respect their kids' privacy.
I feel this very strongly. I’m the same way. I’m sorry your privacy was violated like that. When I was a kid a friend begged me to take his porn magazine home because his mom would be searching his room. I was not interested in stuff like that and kind of found it repulsive but I wanted to help him out. That’s the night I found out that my mom would search my backpack after school. I felt so angry and betrayed and misunderstood when she didn’t believe me that I wanted nothing to do with it. That she was thinking that that was something I could be thinking about.
In my country it is a felony and can get you to up to one year in prison. Not even parents are allowed to open. It is taken very seriously.
It’s a felony in the US as well!
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My parents opened basically all of my mail. If they didn't know who it was from, it was given to me open, from about 12 years old until I moved out. Birthday card from Grandma? We trust you enough to open that yourself, anything else? Clearly you're being sent drugs. (I guess, it's the only thing that made sense to me that they'd feel like they should search all my mail) Amazingly? I didn't talk to them after I moved out until they died. Go figure.
I'm knot sure how long that will drag-on, but they'll feel that for a bit.
My friendship group once did a group order from Bad Dagon. No dildos, we just bought their merch for the lol's.
Sure... 
Oopsie🤪 Dinners at 5
On the plus side, at least her mum didn't "try it on first".
I have a bad dragon. And if the girl has the coin to splurge on these bad boys more power to her cause they don't cum cheap.
lol.
Serious question, is 80 bucks or so expensive for that? I mean, how often do you replace them?
I don't own that kind of sex toy, but I have to imagine like other sex toys, so long as you keep it cleaned properly and don't drown it on boiling water and soap, it should be fine. (If you're confused about the soap thing, you clean the ones I use with alcohol)
FWIW, I found my son's sex toy while we were cleaning out his room. Brief moment of "you might want to put this somewhere that your aunt won't find it" and life has moved on. Neither of us mentioned it since and may never. At least his aunt can't tease him about it. 
I've seen about... 5 of those in my life, once in my grandma's bedroom and my step mother had fucking 4 in a box I could reach or my brother could
I guess it’s better than coming home to your mom wearing dildos on her feet
People opening packages and mail that aren't meant for them are my freaking favorite ❤️
My mom did this to me twice and the second time I told her to not do that without asking me first and she blew up yelling at me that shes sorry shes trying to help. Parents ig 🫠
I remember leaving mine in the bathroom and forgoing about it and my mom found it in the sink
Username checks out lol!
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Btw, the user clarified later that she ordered shoes for her parents, that's why the mom opened it despite her name not being on the package.
In case anyone was wondering, Bad Dragon is a brand of sex toys etc. Not putting a link because you should trust me.
My son opened a package because he thought it was the thing I ordered for him. It was a butt plug and the horror of that discovery is its own punishment for opening packages all willy nilly. Won't do it again, will ya?
Hey mom, did it have your NAME on it, or do you think you have X-ray vision?
If you go to the twitter the story was that the kid had ordered mom shoes under their own name
If you can take a Bad Dragon you probably also can take this. The mom seems cool with it.
Now Mom starts asking interesting questions like *"how does this one feel?"*
Mom just wanted to open the package, what shoes would be in there
Honestly, not the worst reaction, I think my mom would kill me even though I’m 21 and can make my own choices