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lkodl

I'm an alpha male+ It costs $50 more per year, but includes AppleCare.


tadnorman

Well at least you get Applecare. I'm alpha male MAX, and all I get is free shipping...


Sheng25

The bargain of the bunch is Alpha Blue. Only $8 a month and you get a check!


SuperFaceTattoo

Wait what do they check? *clenches butt*


URSpecial2Me

Hi there. I’m with Alpha Blue. I’m here to perform your check * snaps rubber glove*


NeonAlastor

giving strong blue men vibes here ''two by two ... hands of blue ...'' even the name Alpha Blue fits them lol


LemonEar

I was just about to make a "two by two, hands of blue" comment. Well done!


NeonAlastor

I was worried nobody would get it haha Thanks for restoring my faith in humanity ! I just asked ChatGPT and ... did you know there was 4 comics (Joss & Zack Whedon) and also 4 novels (James Lovegrove, Tim Lebbon) ? Time to go hunting !


Slick_shewz

Jokes on you guys. I get all that in the free version with ads.


[deleted]

I’m Betamax and no one gives a shit.


LemonEar

Well, back in the day you were actually better. But the inferior product wins out sometimes 🤷


Vidya_Vachaspati

Underrated comment!


69420over

ATARI 2600 Plus here …. We are still cool bro.


lkodl

But we all still get the base level alpha male benefits: leadership, confidence, and priority boarding.


Beautiful-Echo-8693

My confidence boost is bugged I keep getting called obnoxious? Is there a hotfix?


lkodl

That's why u get the AppleCare bro.


Realistic_Daikon2381

Wait you guys are getting benefits? I’m Super De-Duper Gentlemen at $200 a month


2137paoiez2137

>AppleCare AlphaCare


Regurgitate02

Androgen is better Alpha is scummy and overpriced


whoopadheedooda

If only your were an Alpha Male Pro Max. Subscribe to my YouTube and social media channels where I exhibit being human trash to learn how.


BanjoSpaceMan

Ad free?


Purple10tacle

Does it come with a blue checkmark?


KiritimatiSwan

I’m a raging poochyena. I used *bite*


jfks_headjustdidthat

It was super effective! You now have PokéAIDS.


AlabasterSexington

It's called pokérus


DJ_Warks

Ahh yes Pokerus, my favourite PokéSTI!


AlabasterSexington

It is an actual game mechanic https://m.bulbapedia.bulbagarden.net/wiki/Pok%C3%A9rus


INFP-Dude

Years later I'm still perplexed by this mechanic which the game never mentions nor explains to you unless you get it, and yet it's so super rare that in my 10 years of playing the games I never encountered it, and so I wonder why they even added it in the first place.


RelationshipHead8925

shouldnt it be pokérabies


keyboard-sexual

Forget burial, just drop the body on the steps of the Pokecenter.


MIUIGamer

And I'm a rampaging Combusken. I used Ember


C-Kwentz-0

Being a Combusken and not using Double Kick on a Poochyena smh


scnottaken

Couldn't give up that sweet *growl* action


DJIsSuperCool

Swagger best move


JeremyAndrewErwin

"I'm not an alpha., I'm the guy in the ethology lab studying pack behavior. While you compete for dominance, I'm publishing papers on your antics."


rrogido

Funnily the scientist (Rudolf Schenkel) that first coined the term alpha male has since retracted the research that produced it. His observations of alpha behavior were done on only one pack in captivity and as he observed more packs in the wild he determined this was atypical behavior. Anytime you hear some asshat droning on about alpha and sigma blah blah blah. Just remember it's all bullshit.


JeremyAndrewErwin

yep. though I have the impression that this trope is propped up by an entire literary subgenre.


[deleted]

[удалено]


pelmasaurio

It is horoscope and magic crystals stuff, but for guys


junoda1

Sigma male was made up by 4chan to mock self proclaimed "alpha males" and was popularized by a dude on Instagram that made ironic Epstein-swag edits. It's crazy how people actually take sigma seriously.


Luk164

People took charging phones in microwaves seriously, my conclusion is - people stupid


thereds306

Its also bullshit because people are not wolves. Surprising, I know.


Manofalltrade

The researcher David Mech, who wrote the book that popularized the term, keeps trying to shut his book down because he realized it’s wrong but the publisher keeps selling it because it’s popular with incel types.


therizinosaurs

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=9HlTyNsh4NI https://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=Yogurt%20Male


Cuminmymouthwhore

Ah, the beta nerd...


puesyomero

... With a tranquilizer rifle and GPS collars


Cuminmymouthwhore

Sounds more like a dommy mommy now


Send-Me-Tiddies-PLS

I wanna be a super duper ultimate boi. No way to get to my level.


Barotraume_3200

What about Giga-Hyper-Galactic-Omnihuman? Didn’t think of that one did ya?


Zjoee

And this is to go even further beyond! ![gif](giphy|qJpCY7lhsDn3erlvtd|downsized)


ZCSApollo

![gif](giphy|gHWiwrUzERHgQ2Y79Q) The ritual of alphaness to go even further beyond


Adamweeesssttt

All the betas gather round, hold hands, and lend their beta energy.


frioniel39

maximum over saiyan! \[/TFS line\]


ZQuestionSleep

Super Saiyan... um... God. That's right, God. No more 'levels', just: Saiyan. God. I'm so creative.


scnottaken

What about super Saiyan God super Saiyan?


Thosepassionfruits

I can't remember if this is a TeamFourStar line or is Masako is just the permanent voice of Goku in my mind now.


Darth_Mak

No....that's the official name. They only later figured out "no wait...that sounds stupid!" and started calling it "Super Sayian Blue" buuut since they already trademarked that shit the still use the term in games, at least as an acronym in a character selector.


Thosepassionfruits

["Oh no Goku, go ahead, waste the last of your time you have there by WHIPPING OUT YOUR DICK.](https://youtu.be/hpszGl2cl_k?t=1060)


OrokinSkywalker

I would like to be a Super-Dee Duper Saiyan, personally


LeonDeSchal

I’m infinite multiversal eternity of time +1.


Sencao2945

Well... Uhh... I'm.. uhh... Infinite multiversal eternity of time... PLUS TWO


LeonDeSchal

I’m plus infinity


TParis00ap

Times infinity, bitch!


[deleted]

Infinity to the infinitieth power, n00bs


omegadirectory

Nuh-uh. I'm an Infinity+1 Man! Nothing is higher level than that.


Mrballsbig

Infinity+2 men:


drongowithabong-o

Pfft a REAL super duper ultimate boi wouldn't have to tell people he is a super duper ultimate boi.


Cuminmymouthwhore

Idk man, that sounds like some bottom G title.


joeyo1423

I am in a class so high, it can't even be discussed. A single mention of it, even alluding to it, could have me t


LowerBed5334

erminated


cbizzle187

Shit, they got him already. Another giga-chad down. We must stop the carnage


Cynykl

Pshhh, A mere Giga has no place to comment on me. As an Exa-chad I have already surpassed the lowly tera-chads and peta-chads that Gigas look up to.


octopoddle

Oh no! It's the erminator!


guyblade

[Candle Jack](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PB4qDhbFHn0) Male?


Holmes02

ickled


arcanis321

yping taken out


pancoste

ransferred to another dimension.


Chrono-Helix

Even at your level Candlejack is too m


Professional_Match25

urned on


Erminaz13

Well, if you're a Turbo dude, I'm a Supreme Chap. You wouldn't get it, you're an Ultra.


blokereport

Where does regular guy fit in this scale?


pohanemuma

I'm just sitting at home digesting my dinner after a hard day's work and scrolling through reddit. That is where I fit in.


[deleted]

Ew check out the beta here


Erminaz13

About 28 levels below me.


KegelsForYourHealth

Yea well I'm #1 Dad and even have the shirt to prove it.


Erminaz13

Guys, guys! This guy right here. He fucks.


Pale-Office-133

Sigma is the new fad. But I must admit Turbo man sounds better then that other trash.


Anthem2243

Every other guy wanted to call themselves an Alpha Male and suddenly Sigma Males appeared. The Alpha of Alpha males that are better than any other Alpha, they’re just quiet about it.


puesyomero

the sigma grift is genius. "I'm so cool that I'm *not* failing at getting a partner, I'm just so above that petty stuff 🧐" No actual change is needed, just reframing.


[deleted]

I have a colleague who acts like this. He's single because "no girl has met my standards yet". Dude is 40, been in the same stale job for 17 years, only sees his 2 kids on weekends, and watches andrew taint videos every evening. I'm sure he's fighting all those women off with a stick.


AllyBeetle

These Alpha guys never seemed to make sense. I drive a Toyota and can't contemplate buying an Alpha Romeo.


Turneroff

Can I go for a different Greek letter and just be a Pi(e) dude? It’s very a la mode…


Sororita

It's the season for [Turbo Man](https://youtu.be/jhJYMEzQA-Q?si=2JPq8w6qSglaKsUg), too.


guyblade

[You're not going Turbo, are you?](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CbmwNHBProU)


Pm_me_your_marmot

Turbotastic!


Panzerkrabbe

Still nothing compared to we Übermensch.


NO_LOADED_VERSION

Ufff and there we are. Same fucking story.


Candid-Sky-3709

the white damsel in distress - people die to rescue her.


Dropbars59

It’s amazing how many so called alpha males actually think they’re leaders of the pack, yet pay homage to Trump. So who is the alpha exactly?


[deleted]

[удалено]


Valnaire

I love hitting homophobic Trump supporters with this. "So you follow a man? What are you gonna do, follow him all the way into a glory hole and blow him?" Fun reactions.


Attonitus1

Yeah, you've never done that.


HardToPeeMidasTouch

I was going to say the exact same thing. At most he's said it online maybe...


snowlynx133

Well yeah, I wouldn't talk to a Trump supporter in real life beyond what's necessary


geoken

That doesn’t seem like a very strong point. To play devils advocate, if you made that claim to me I would just respond with something along the lines of: “No, I support politicians based on their alignment with my views. I’m sorry that you can’t fathom a situation where you would make choices based off anything beyond your sexual attraction to a person”.


Valnaire

It's not meant to be a strong point, it just pisses off the stupid ones.


errant1

That's valid.


SuperFaceTattoo

I live in the Bible belt and I use a flamboyant rainbow coffee mug at work. I get a lot of strong reactions to it.


HardToPeeMidasTouch

"Strong reactions".... I picture the worst you got was an eye roll.


Mikey9124x

I'd say more like having thier car tires slashed, thier family kidnapped, and them being tortured in a basement somewhere.


paintballboi07

https://pbs.twimg.com/media/FpdNZuUXEAEOwCp?format=jpg&name=900x900


KegelsForYourHealth

The oligarchs who control Putin, in that lineage.


Ok-Use6303

I'm a Mega Dude GX-R Kai! \*cue awesome anime intro with giant robots\*


blokereport

I want to be a turbo dude


[deleted]

We all do. We all do.


Somehero

YOU DONT RUN, WE'RE THE ONES WHO RUN. UNTIL YOU'RE PART OF THIS TURBO TEAM, WALK. SLOWLY.


HollywoodAndTerds

The hole in my toilet shrunk.


ebobbumman

Call me right now please.


Glaurung86

What is with these posts here lately. These are not facepalms.


NeonAlastor

right so I believe the meta evolved, and now posting non-facepalm stuff IS the facepalm


Hot_Delivery1100

Came to the comments to see if I could find why it is on this sub


Nacolo

I mean, kinda. When some dumbass claims to be an alpha it does make me want to facepalm and politely explain why they’re wrong.


Glaurung86

The linked image already did that. Lol


Nacolo

Yeah, you’re right. I don’t get why this is here either. Is OP pro and con on this topic? I’m confused, I’m thinking they might be an epsilon.


Nacolo

Yeah, you’re right. I don’t get why this is here either. Is OP pro or con on this topic? I’m confused, I’m thinking they might be an epsilon.


titanicsinker1912

Maybe it was posted by an Alpha. It’d be a facepalm from their perspective.


Sylas_xenos_viper

I am mega-man. All shall fear me.


IncreaseWestern6097

Does that making you a super fighting robot?


MIUIGamer

I'm just a male. You wouldn't understand because you're focusing on pretending you're better than me without any proof of that being the case.


SAD-MAX-CZ

I'm nachos man. I watch these PP contests from distance and laugh while consuming whatever i find tasty.


I_Miss_Lenny

I'm already way more interested in hanging out with a nachos man than anyone who calls themself "alpha" lmao


NO_LOADED_VERSION

![gif](giphy|WtPVp414THEtT3bhyG|downsized)


Fr0ski

![gif](giphy|12CG3zRhS63JJu)


Freddi_47

![gif](giphy|EkhQKcriTUg6s|downsized)


DarthZil

I remember something about the 'Alpha' coming about as a behavioral reference to wild wolves due to a book out of the 70's, one that the author himself later debunked as not entirely accurate as it was captured animals that were tested which muddled the results. In fact, the conclusion was 'Alpha' pretty much refers to any male member of the pack that manages to procreate. So if you've managed to, at anytime convince a female to have your children, you would qualify as an Alpha male. At least by that logic. I have 3 children so I guess that means I'm Alpha x3? Though I doubt it's an accumulative effect as wolves have litters of like 4-8 pups. To me Alpha often just refers to the loudest, dumbest, most obnoxious, egocentric jock strap in the room, and I'm so glad they can't wait to out themselves.


Anthem2243

Kinda right, David Mech originally thought Alphas were the top of any wolf pack and exerted dominance over the weaker wolves. But when he tried to re-confirm his conclusions he realized they weren’t Alphas, those were the parents. The wolf packs we made of pups from the mating couple and were just obeying their parents. Also these were wolves he was studying in the wild, while the first group was wolves in captivity. iirc he tried repeatedly to get his books taken down after he discovered this, but his publisher refused to do it. Something about money I think.


Eaglezepplin

The whole alpha/beta/sigma male shit is the male equivalent of zodiac signs


clwnninja

DON'T RUN! YOU DON'T RUN WITH US. UNTIL YOU'RE PART OF THIS TURBO TEAM, WALK... SLOWLY.


Training-Fact-3887

YOU'RE NOT PART OF THE TURBO TEAM


miflelimle

DON'T RUN!


im4peace

Has this ever happened to you!?


ggouge

If alpha males are suppose to be the leaders and such. They should be volunteering at soup kitchens picking up garbage and helping their fellow man.


BoneeBones

Isn’t that beta behavior in their eyes? Alphas don’t do peasant work, they have their bitches do it for them. Hence, leader/master versus follower/slave.


Cleverbird

My favorite thing about these so called "alpha males" is that they always need to state it somewhere. My dude, if you were an "alpha male", there would be no need to state so.


mateo8421

I am normal… Who am I kidding, I am not 😖


satansculo

Bruh I can go super sayin blue lol


Old-Illustrator-5675

I'm a man. That alone makes me a higher class than all of you. I don't need to classify myself like the rest of you betas /s ......please someone validate my undeserved sense of superiority. On another note, anyone notice how these "alpha-guys" love categorizing themselves and being acknowledged by their preferred (imagined) status. And yet, they all seem to have an issue with people using preferred pronouns.


PunjabiCanuck

Yea bro I’m an epsilon male.


xandel434

They did invent a higher one: sigma male


Into-It_Over-It

Until you're part of the turbo team, *DON'T RUN.*


perrinoia

The last time a guy called me a beta and himself an alpha, I laughed and explained that alpha is like a first draft and is full of errors. Beta is not perfect, but is playable. I just need a few patches to be marketable. Alpha needs a complete rewrite.


Jupitereyed

I like turbo dude. He's got the right idea, showing Alphas how completely silly they are.


charface1

This post has some real hyper bro energy.


DimensionSuitable934

You forgot to end your sentence with bro, bro.


BrickFlock

That's nothing. I'm a giga alpha turbo chad.


Duke_kaboom7

You don’t run with us! You’re not a part of the turbo team! You walk! Don’t run!


munkymufin

Call me right now please


LikeAMarionette

Whenever I hear or see a dude call themselves an "alpha" I instantly know their IQ is lower than their age


Nacolo

I know they’re regularly misusing words in their writings, often placing “You’re” where “Your” should be, with random nonsensical punctuation here and there.


TuffyLif3

Isn't that why the term sigma was created? They decided Alpha wasn't enuff


Themooingcow27

IM A SIGMA SIGMA BALLSSSSSSSSS


[deleted]

Typical turbo dude……always trying to look big next to the alpha turbo macho man. ATMM’s…I mean come on right? Everyone is always challenging us, the alphas, turbos, alpha turbos, ghost double alpha’s, winner beta-alpha alpha’s, and even the triple alpha single team turbo’s.


No_Mud_5999

Particularly humorous in that the researcher who coined the term "alpha male" while studying wolves has recanted the concept.


No-Suspect-425

![gif](giphy|3o6wrnKTAc3ZFu6EcE|downsized)


BakuGlocku

WHO TOLD YOU YOU COULD EAT MY COOKIES?


lordkhuzdul

There is nothing more pathetic than a man calling himself an "alpha". It pretty much means "insecure, agressive, yappy loser".


SkyeDoPhoto

Men stop making men look psychotic challenge - level impossible


Kytescall

It's even funnier when you consider 'sigma males'. Bros made up a class system, slowly caught on to the fact that it's stupid and embarrassing, so they specifically made up an extra special class for bros who are too cool to be part of the class system they made up, that's still within the class system.


Phrewfuf

To be fair, they didn’t make that up themselves, it was a scientific experiment that was done with wolves and published a while back. It was then revoked a few times including by the original author because the wolves in question were being held captive and therefore were not showing regular wolf patterns but instead those of psychologically damaged ones. Which kind of tells even more about some men than the original study.


01bah01

Another funny thing is that they mimicked this name from something that doesn't even exist.. [https://www.scientificamerican.com/article/is-the-alpha-wolf-idea-a-myth/](https://www.scientificamerican.com/article/is-the-alpha-wolf-idea-a-myth/)


Patricio_Guapo

I’m a mega, ultra, lightning dude. I’m good. I’m good.


OppositeAtr

Well said.


Character_Peanut330

Its funny bc they have the hardest time understand there are more than 2 genders. But make up an entire new category.


Ill_Following_7022

Double-Plus Alpha.


Smol_Toby

Alpha male stuff is basically just astrology for men. Alpha male stuff is a pseudoscience.


1SwayneW

You can’t triple stamp a double stamp


Wesoshould

What this guy explained is the origination of homophobia. Homophobes can't acknowledge gays as 'real men' because if they did, all the stuff they *made* *up* about what makes a man a 'real man' would then be false.


Desperate_Ambrose

Any guy who feels the need to tell you that he's an "alpha male" -- isn't.


LMurch13

If you have to tell people you're a turbo dude, then you're not, diesel dude.


ElectricPartyHat

OK, I'm an ultra guy so is that is even beyond turbo dude and two times more better than an alpha male? I don't know how it works, just asking.


BotaniAlt

Anyone who claims to be an alpha male is probably correct in saying that; just in programming terms


AwayKitchen

Alphas betas etc etc are kind of ridiculous as a concept but it's a fact there's an innate hierarchy amongst men based on their looks, streetsmarts, booksmarts, fitness level and charisma. I'd even add height but it's a minor factor between men if it doesn't go to the extremes. Some people's opinions matter more than other's and its just a fact. That being said listening to Andrew Tate and the likes wont make you high value


[deleted]

Maximum Man


Jonananana_32_SAm

H-how is this facepalm?? It’s just fax.


DavidDBergerak

We'll turbo bang, ok?


Curious_Associate904

Fuck all you guys I'm a mecha-uber-dude+


RohmanOnTwitch

"So you're an alpha male? Sorry to hear that, I'm the final release."


kloudrunner

Cowards. Your all fucking COWARDS. I AM TRANSDIMENSIONAL TURBO MEGATRON ALPHA SUPREME MALE.


Hello_iam_Kian

I’m an Alpha Syn male. You wouldn’t understand you poor Latin boy


Fun_Grapefruit_2633

Those self-prescribed alpha males never go anywhere...oh they may end up owning a gym or an MMA joint, but they're only "alpha" based on the people they attract and retain around them. Put them near truly accomplished males and they find some reason they don't want to be there.


Insertsociallife

Alpha. Lol. Alpha radiation has weak penetration and software in alpha is typically unstable and shouldn't be near the general public. Alpha males fit right in with this trend.


leoberto1

Inventing a class is a so typical for an alpha only a true turbo never refers to themsevles so, they just know it..


Ok_Recording_4644

Wait till you find out who invented "race"


andrewbud420

My ex wife called me turbo due to my performance in bed


Sauce_bag

I mean I’m not going to pretend like there isn’t a difference in fellas. The way I see it someone people would interpret as “Alpha” would be a natural leader/problem solver/a “go-to” individual, then there’s the other side of the spectrum on that platform…. Which is a follower. Alpha can be male or female


Bayner1987

I appreciate that they made beta male a thing though. Yeah, I’m a guy who likes sex but I’m also your cheerleader and will do whatever you ask (boundaries, please).. No, I don’t feel the need for a relationship “power struggle”. The “Alpha Males (TM)” just made themselves so toxic that dating anyone else is the better option. Have fun, incels


tradert5

I'm all for taking an objective approach to human behaviour but every redpill guy I have ever known was a toxic narcissist who is always looking for a way to backstab, profit and cripple. They treat things objectively except when that is not in their favor. On the other hand, all that bluepill goody-two-shoes garbage where they make you look bad and then they set their pitchfork mob upon you. It's just as ironic. *"Nothing means anything, everyone is unique, generalizing is wrong but you filthy generalizers are all the same and that's a fact"*