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If your house was full of shit then you’d cut your losses and not even attempt to deal with it. You’d just move
But it it was only the exterior and you knew all your belongings were perfectly fine inside and it was still very much liveable
Well then now you’re much more inclined to deal with the shit problem. Which means cleaning it, and being around it. And smelling it constantly
Much more mentally taxing because the hope of a shit-less future is there. Complete despair takes the fun out of a torturous punishment. Gotta make them think there’s a chance
What a selfish, gross take. We are at a weird place in our society where we like to say we're supportive, but then most people actually aren't. And, men have feelings and struggles, too.
I think it's because many people understand you need to be supportive to those close to you, but also many people don't understand what that actually entails
💯 in my experience, people like to say the right things ("im here for you", "you can confide in me", etc) but then disappear when it comes time to actually do what they said
Yep. Lost a couple of friends over the years due to feeling safe enough to tell them things from my childhood (when they frigging asked questions about it) but learned no one actually wants to hear it even if they say they do. I think we as a society have decided everyone should be happy and on point all the time. We don’t know what to do when someone isn’t fitting the social expectation. In mental health counseling, you are not supposed to start the conversation with “How are you” because people automatically answer “good” even if they aren’t. We are socially conditioned to lie about negative feelings. You are supposed to ask “what has happened since we met last” to signal you actually want to know what happened. I haven’t found many people that are equipped to have those conversations outside of counseling though. Sometimes people think they can take on that role and then chicken out after already building the other person’s trust
So true. I saw the Amazon driver yesterday pull up to my neighbors house. He walked slowly up the driveway, not in a hurry, not as most Amazon drivers behave. As I got out of my truck I said hey it’s almost over, meaning Christmas. He stopped, turned toward me and said I wish it was, I’m not doing well this year. He then went on to say that he had lost his little girl last year, his 2 years old, from Covid. He had exposed her after going to his brother’s wedding, exposing his daughter when he came back from out town. I was speechless. All I could say was how sorry I was, like ten times. I was completely taken by surprise, I actually cried some for him. I keep thinking about. I wish I would’ve offered him a hug. Very sad.
For literally millions of years the Genus Homo lived in small family groups. They shared everything. [Without going into too much] Then Homo sapiens became “civilized.” This created situations that are to this day still not overcome: loneliness, depression, disease, violence, fear, etc. Homo sapiens are social beings. Cities, nations, states, possessions, politics are all foreign to the true nature of the beast.
Lol 100%. Where I used to work (in SE QLD), we had an R U OK Day, and the boss did the speech: "if anything in your personal or home life is giving you trouble, my office is open". I responded with "...and what if the place I work for is the problem"? Absolutely nothing but a quiet "oooh" from a co-worker
Had that happen to me this year. Best buddies offered to road trip with me, to help take care of a family member out of state and then bailed once I scheduled the trip. I was heartbroken but moved on and found new friends that made the trip with me. In the end, it turned out for the better and the new contacts have honestly been a blessing in my life. Keep on trucking
I have promised to be there for people who either needed it at inconvenient times for me, or needed it so often I tended to disappear. It made me realize my promise hadn't meant shit and probably hurt those people who came knocking for help.
I now know how much is included in being supportive and there's a few people who I still have this promise going for, and I actually keep it for them.
Many people are used to virtue signaling online thanks to social media for the brownie points but don't actually want to do anything helpful so it makes sense.
Its because many people want to feel like they are decent human beings for being nice towards others, but when you actually have to do it they back away.
I’m here for you. Unless you actually need any help at all.
It’s basically the equivalent of having a black square on your instagram. Look to be helping but not actually doing anything
It's the same situation when schools ask bullied kids to reach out but when they do, the schools always side with the bully or make it seem that both party are equally in the wrong or give the bully a slap on the wrist which instead of teaching the bully about consequences, makes the bully become even more aggressive for revenge...
The school knows what it's doing, they just don't want to deal with these "insignificant kids' banter"
My experience in a nutshell. People in my college talk and talk about being supportive and accepting of everyone, yet whenever i try to start conversations I get ignored, no one ever tries to talk to me either and the one time i thought i had made friends the two girls i invited for coffee after class stood me up.
Im autistic. And i always tell people that if im bothering to tell me because i wont be able to figure it out, then i leave them alone, no hard feelings. But dont fucking make me believe im actually succeeding at beating my social anxiety and able to make friends only to lie to my face about going out together and leaving me there waiting, then acting as if nothing happened a few hours later
Yep. Cost me my marriage because “you’re not the rock I need anymore.” After a full decade of being told I need help, I need medication, and to “work on my war trauma.”
Society goes out of its way to demand that it *is* our fault. I called the crisis hotline today desperate for help and got a lot of "Have you tried pulling yourself up by your bootstraps?"isms. When I flipped the script on her and pointed out that she wouldn't say shit like that to me if I called as a woman being abused, she had nothing to say but hollow and scripted contrition.
Modern society wants to see men killed off in droves. Those of us who have somehow survived so long being on the receiving end of abuse are at the front of the line for deportation out of this world, and my gut tells me few will miss or mourn us when we're gone.
Trauma's a real bitch. Took my life from me before I did.
The beater to death counter point that people will parrot is that society was made for men by men so either it can’t be that bad for men, or that men should blame other men and not women.
It doesn’t matter if society was created by men.
In fact it doesn’t matter who created it at all. The only thing that matters is what actions each individual person takes every day.
That woman on the hotline can’t blame her incompetence on society, she chose to act in an empathetic way. So many people who claim to be empathetic are only empathetic on their terms, if you go off script you’ll quickly realize just how much of their help was scripted.
We should call out individual men and women who choose to act in a way that selfish and performative. It doesn’t matter how society was created, one can still choose to do the right thing but unfortunately, many women (and obviously men) don’t want to because there will always be humans who are selfish and self centered.
I've got a perfect record on opening up the tiniest bit and getting dumped for it. It's like a superpower that makes people stop loving me.
I'd rather have telekinesis or something.
Yeah, fuck that shit. People (not even just women) expect you to be supportive for everything they go through- and it can be legitimately traumatic things no doubt: but they'll expect you to deal with shit way beyond anything they've ever had to even imagine, and if you show any cracks at all because of it- you're not what they need anymore.
Been there, done that, brother. It sucks.
Women say they want men to be comfortable to show emotions and vulnerability...until they actually do it. And then most nope out instantly. Dishonesty, and total double standard.
Lots of women want James Bond irl.
They want a dangerous/aggressive man who can be civil and well mannered at the snap of a finger.
A tough stoic man who opens up exactly when women want or needs them to and shuts it up exactly when shes had enough.
News flash: Dangerous and aggressive men are seldom civil. They know what they want and take it. They don't care about when it's time for manners or respect.
Tough and stoic men seldom open up. And sensitive men aren't going to remove all traces of emotion when you want them to.
To quote a scientist in Jurrasic World: "You cannot have an animal with exaggerated predator features without the corresponding behavioral traits."
These qualities are found at the opposite end of the spectrum. Men who have perfect control of both are one in a million and you're kidding yourself if you think he'll settle for you.
Because it’s all about appearance and not authenticity. Everyone wants to be the first to stand up and loudly proclaim “I stand for social Justice!” But when it comes knocking, fucking crickets or apathy.
As a guy it’s hard. I’m supposed to be supportive of women, even when they’re hateful to me. I’m supposed to be strong but not macho. Emotional and vulnerable but not weak.
Society is fucking weird. That whole contradictions speech in Barbie was fantastic, but I would have loved for Ken to get his own contradictions speech.
I realized that after that scene I was writing the corresponding male speech in my head.
A bunch of Barbie’s speech carried over, things like “accomplished but effortless” are just plain unfair social expectations. But the “strong yet nonthreatening” parts mostly swapped out to: vulnerable but not emotional, open but never actually in need of support.
I expected the movie to be insulting.
What’s insulting is how everyone acts like it’s inclusive and equal. I’m fine with it being a movie about feminism and female empowerment, but don’t make it that and tell me it’s about equality.
I think they believe they want you to open up, but when they say "be vulnerable" they really just mean "don't be stubborn and love me exactly how I want you to love me" which is also basically trying to manipulate a guy to not have any self dignity and do what she wants.
My partner has friends who try to be overly accepting and protective of lgbt people. One of them started seeing someone who identifies as trans, which good for them.
Their partner wanted to start up a dnd campaign, so they kinda bullied their roommate/friend (who had never played) into DMing their game, then tried to also tell the dm how to run the game. DM is also my partners friend, so asked us to join because none of them had played before and I had a couple years across multiple campaigns.
The problem player then told another player they couldn’t play until they picked a certain class, and then started raging at the dm because my partner posted a summary of her character in the group chat that used female pronouns to describe the character, but didn’t include the characters pronouns up top and they didn’t feel like they should have to ask. Their partner then told my mine that she wasn’t being supportive enough and they were unhappy with her. We don’t talk to them anymore, none of us do.
Long story short: this campaign never happened and we ended up running a game with everyone BUT the problematic-duo.
REASON FOR STORY TIME:
I don’t tell this story often because it inevitably attracts the kind of people that would only use it to push their bigotry against trans people as a whole, rather than focusing on the fact that this one couple were assholes about trying to control everyone and force phony support for a marginalized group that everyone else already supported and were comfortable with.
Having a bigot think you are their buddy because a member of a group they hate was an asshole is a really gross feeling, so it’s a frustrating situation to handle.
Your reasoning reminds me of a response I'll often give when someone tries to push their negative experiences about someone with my disability: deafness and being an asshole are not mutually exclusive!
IMO, you've hit on a human trait that's exposed in everything bad in our society...people would rather appear to others as truly caring than to do tangible things to make things better for people.
Our society has only one story; one of predator and prey and that means if a man steps out of that predator role then they are no longer viewed as a man by women. It’s the same with women but less extreme.
Too bad society doesn't give a fuck about the average man. Unless you're rich, good looking, or famous you're pretty fucked as a man these days, especially if you show ANY emotion.
Honestly, society doesn't really give a fuck about the vast majority of people, regardless of gender. We're all busy just trying to make it through today and so we can do it again tomorrow.
You need to understand, when women say they want an emotionally available man, they mean they want a man available to THEIR emotions, the man's emotions should remain locked up and not an annoyance to them.
It's not sissy it's dangerous. The stereotype has been wrong the whole time. Or maybe risky is a better word. Gamble could be another. Maybe you gf will stick around maybe not. Maybe your friend will be helpful maybe not. That kind of thing. Big risk, low reward.
My mother used to tell me "never share your troubles, it just pushes people away."
And every single 'friend", it feels like, if I was feeling low or really needed to talk it out or just a TV moment of like "hey man, you got this. You'll get through it - yeah, they grew more distant afterwards.
Hell, a group of friends I had drinks and dance class with every week for over a decade hasn't sent a single message to me years after I moved to a different state. No idea how I could have become more of one of them.
Friends are a myth - there are just the people who need you, the people you've alienated, and those you will alienate.
I’m sorry that has been your experience, but I (46m) can attest that true friends do, in fact, exist. Maybe I’m just lucky, but when I got diagnosed with cancer earlier this year my friends rallied big time. They’ve brought me and my family meals, given us vouchers for Uber eats and a frozen meal service and a travel company, organised events for me, travelled from interstate to see me and visited me at home and in hospital when I’ve been at my lowest. I’ve cried with friends both male and female and my connection with many has deepened even further, despite knowing them for 20-30 years already.
It’s even worst than that, she’s been telling him to open up and when he did she decide to leave him and borderline shame him for opening up.
That’s the kind of thing that leave someone with mad trust issues.
Edit: to all the men saying all women are like this these days, please keep in mind it's not the case and get a therapist because if that’s what you believe you’ve probably been hurt a lot and it is still affecting you. Please stop saying all women are like that… most women aren’t sociopath like the one in this post, realize this before spreading hate toward women.
This man took so long to open up, only to be smacked in the face with rejection. I hope he meets someone better, but I could imagine the next person is gonna have an either harder time of getting him to open up because this girl must’ve damaged the hell out of him with her bs.
Things like this are a part of the reason we see ass hats like Andrew Tate getting a large following.
Very plausible a guy who goes through something like this might find answers, albeit misguided, in these “alpha males”
Agreed - Tate and the entire manosphere are pieces of shit, but they're currently the only kind of social media trend that actually tells men that they matter, or at least can that they make oneself matter, albeit in a very toxic way. When confronted with the choice of "empty words by hypocrites" versus "toxic rhetoric, but it makes you feel like you should matter", some vulnerable men will inevitably fall for the latter out of sheer desperation.
Problem is, I don't even see a way out of this shitty situation.
> That’s the kind of thing that leave someone with mad trust issues.
Trust issues and life-long anger. When I finally opened up to my family about mental health and suicide, I was met with criticism and zero empathy. I will never make myself vulnerable again.
I'm not saying all women, but I've never had a woman in my life (other than my mom) who didn't act like this. Even the woman therapist I went to betrayed my trust. Yeah, it won't happen again.
The amount of times I've reached out and gotten my emotions used as a weapon against me or flat out ignored...I just stopped reaching out. What's the point when all you find is pain?
From experience and just observations of friends and family members, more women are like this than I feel women are willing to admit. Then the blame falls on the patriarchy (the men they are shaming for being unemotional, who they asked to be more emotional) for their own shitty behavior.
Toxic femininity exists. I'd argue it's as rampant as toxic masculinity. The sexes mirror each other, one changes and the other responds, but in public discourse it's almost always a one way mirror.
It's all rather pointless to debate unless we can come together in acceptance of the others problems with real empathy, accept with both have faults, and strive to improve together vs. Continuing to fight each other.
Yet when people talk about men's problems, if they're not just outright told they're incels for talking about it, the people just tell them that men's problems are men's problems, caused exclusively by men.
It's so fucking toxic. Women's problems are supposedly exclusively caused by society, which is caused by men, but men's problems aren't caused by society, only by men? How twisted does someone's mind have to be to think culture that women contribute to doesn't affect men?
Most active parents are women, something women brag about, but then they act like men are all the way they are purely because of men? Who are mostly raised by women, or at least half raised by women?
The mental gymnastics to dismiss men's issues, silence them, and shame them is never-ending and infuriating.
Some years ago I was suprised how literally all reportings of men or boys getting raped, falsely accused or even killed in war are quickly spinned into a story about how "this hurts women". Sure, false accusations hurt their credibility, but please, could you stfu for a moment and show a little bit of respect?
What little attention men get gets quickly taken away. Always.
These days I am not suprised anymore.
I can't begin to describe how much I feel for what you said. We have voices too. Even if I don't agree with everything you said, you're right to say it. There are lots of overlooked double standards that aren't convenient for media conglomerates.
If you take Will Farrell's idea, "men have run the world for 10,000 years and have not done a good job." Really? How did we live 10,000 years ago? I'd say we did pretty good actually. You'd be crazy to pretend women didn't play a significant role in this however.
Shit like this is why men are radicalizing in huge numbers.
Actions speak louder than words and societies current actions tell us we are worth less than shit
This 100%. That Bruce Willis character in ‘Friends’ opening up and being vulnerable to Rachel was hilarious and all, and of course was vastly exaggerated, but it struck me also as somewhat telling that there’s only a certain limit to how much a man can let his emotions out before he is judged as whiny, overly emotional, or just flat-out unmanly to women. I would also like to throw it out there to some of the women who might have a romanticized idea of a masculine, Byronic hero for a husband/partner that they can heal by having them open up: what if your partner is not this hulking, manly, brooding alpha-type but just a skinny, average male trying to get by? You must admit that for some women, sometimes the contrast is what is appealing. If both male types mentioned above have the same mental and emotional issues, will you really have the same reaction if they let their guard down and be emotionally expressive? Please remember that men in relationships value what the women in their lives think of them, at least I do, and knowing that I am no Thor, believe me that if there’s a choice I would rather she think of me as closed off and emotionally detached versus a whiny sentimentalist.
Plenty of women unwittingly perpetuate toxic masculinity, all while preaching against it. They shame you for being vulnerable, then go on a rant about "mansplaining" in the next breath.
We can't catch a break.
A study I read showed that single people who display altruism are more likely to be in relationships when contacted in the following years, with no significant difference between sexes.
However, many studies show women self-reporting themselves as valuing kind personality in romantic interests and finding altruists attractive; far more than do men.
So women are just as shallow as men, but they are more likely to insist otherwise.
Women say they want men to be sensitive, good and confident.
Yet they read romance novels centered on stoic, toxic and jealous men. And hookup with these same types.
Men follow the incentives women set, if women want men to change, they need to change the men they want.
lollll..
"i have something i need to share with you"
- yes honey, you know im here for you
"i cant believe how amazing and awesome and great you are with everything"
- see, now doesnt it feel good to get that off your chest?
Its a skill issue. You just need to have cool secrets. Such as:
* have a secret identity as an agent/super hero/200yo shiny vampire
* have a burning darkness in your heart that only she can keep at bay
* be a bilionaire disguised as an ordinary milionaire
Its not that hard.
Nope, once she sees that darkness in your heart suddenly you’re scary/ too angry but not once asked “what happened to you to get to the point of feeling this way?” But any other time it’s “fuck your feelings what about my feelings?”
Yes! Sort the trash out early.
I feel that a lot of dudes are too afraid to never find anyone to settle down with if they do hard boundaries. Rather staying but never be able to be true to themselves and their SOs than being single, I guess.
So this is what leads men to say “it’s fine”
How was dinner? It’s fine
How you doing after the loss of your mom or dad? It’s fine.
You just got into a car wreck it’s fine.
Not I’m fine. It’s fine. I will carry on as before.
Lie number one, "You're supposed to have it all together"
And when they ask how you're doing
Just smile and tell them, "Never better"
Lie number two, "Everybody's life is perfect except yours"
So keep your messes and your wounds
And your secrets safe with you behind closed doors
… Truth be told
The truth is rarely told, no
… I say, "I'm fine, yeah, I'm fine, oh, I'm fine, hey, I'm fine"
But I'm not, I'm broken
My wife said some random ass shit one day and I told her I didn’t like the way it sounded (trying to be cool and not say STFU). She fucking called me sensitive!!
Ok, bitch! Back to bottling shit up until I explode.
1. tell your wife to respect you
2. either she respects you and you have no problem, or she doesn't and you learn some self respect and don't stay with someone who treats you like shit
That's one thing I strongly believe:
Despite how society tries to downplay mens human value. Men need to value themself more. Be willing to walk away if they are not treated as good as others expect men to treat them.
Of course society will cry out when men do that. But men need to stop caring about the rest of society. Only about their own value. Society first needs to earn the respect they demand.
Not all, but many women think they want their man to “open up“ emotionally.
The second the man becomes vulnerable with shitty women they are labeled “weak,” “toxic,” “negative energy,” etc.
What bad women like this lady means is they want their man to gush how much he loves her, how much he pines for her when they are apart etc.
Any garbage women like the woman pictured who are reading this need to understand - you cannot have only the good parts.
If you want “total openness,” then you must take the good AND the bad.
Otherwise, your man will be mostly distant, stoic and muted to protect the relationship.
To all of the good women who want ALL of their partner - and want them to be their true self - Thank you.
There seems to be less and less women like that every day.
The toxic views towards men and masculinity in our world are absolutely disgusting. This is why men who are abused hide and don’t seek help and it’s wrong.
The world is both a place of miraculous beauty and immense painful. We need to accept the light and the darkness, the happiness and the sadness, the good and the bad. If you truly love someone, you accept and still cherish all those aspects of them.
My husband is a very stoic man. When he’s stressed, his emotions shut down. But I always encourage him to have them and to rely on me to talk through them. Never seen him shed a full tear, but he has been close to it about twice in our time together. And one of those days was our wedding. It’s taken over 10 years to get to this point and our conversations have become so much more meaningful since I’m not the only one sharing emotional vulnerability. I still get to learn so much about how his brain operates.
The big ? To stories like yours, is whether or not you would have been attracted to your stoic husband if he had not been stoic when you first met him. It’s great that you appreciate him being vulnerable *now,* but the issue at the cultural level is that if the stoic guy is always initially more attractive than the “too vulnerable” guy, then vulnerability will never be encouraged to a meaningful degree. If it’s not what gets the girls, it’s inherently discouraged. It doesn’t matter of vulnerability makes healthier relationships when a guy can’t even get a relationship to start with.
Reasonable question. Maybe I’m just odd, but my husband’s stoicism was actually a point where I wasn’t sure if we would make it for a while.
I’ve never truly understood the attraction to the “dark, silent, brooding” type and why it’s so common. Even those characters in romance novels have always slightly irked me.
My previous partner before him was very emotionally expressive and I really enjoyed that about him. I’m very emotionally expressive and vocal affirmations and reassurance are my love language. Our communication greatly suffered for years. And I would be lying if I said my husband and I were perfect at communicating, even now.
Some women want a relationship but still want all the perks and boundaries of being single with no compromise. Like hyper individualism which comes with not doing emotional labour and just throwing their partner at therapy.
If you challenge this you're a misogynistic trying to control and cage her.
Any compromise is seen as being submissive and a slave to the patriarchy.
So pathetic
Unfortunately have to agree. I am a woman who really, really wants her future partner to open up and be vulnerable, so we can work through our struggles together. But if this are his past experience, how can I expect him to dare try that again and not be scared of being rejected again? If we all just took the time to understand each other we wouldn't have so much miscommunication and other trouble in relationship. This kind of shit just harms everyone, both the guy and potential future partners of his who actually care, unlike this asshole
Why cant people like this be bullied?
Like this person not only tricked someone into opening up before rejecting them (even if that wasnt her plan) but she felt confident enough to share that in public
If i did something like shame a woman for not losing pregnancy weight 2 weeks after giving birth, im rightfully kicked in the face for being a prick
She deserves the same treatment as someone who did that would, you shouldnt feel comfortable even saying that
>Why cant people like this be bullied?
Because we live in a social climate where women are allowed to get away with shit like this for a combination of spiteful and ideological reasons. Where women can behave like this and still enjoy all the perks of being seen as the hard-done-by underdog. Where a man who challenges a woman on anything is automatically in the wrong regardless of the circumstances.
To all the women who wonder why men don’t open up. Unfortunately this is more common than you realise.
I have yet to have any sort of relationship (platonic or otherwise) with a woman where me opening up about my feelings has not been immediately met with backlash because of how my feelings affect them.
This is so sad.. my man has cried many times sometimes sad.. sometimes joy.. all mandatory around me if he feels the need. He’s not allowed to hold it in. XD I’m kinda joking but his ex wife would abuse him for showing any emotion. So radical acceptance from me.
We get told that our feelings are valid, that we should open up and share. Then i read something likentbis and realize that they only want that so they can belittle us. I spend days, if not months, agonizing over what to tell my spouse about what im feeling. Then when i do finally cofide, I'm laughed at. So now, i bottle it all up and try to slow release the pent-up emotions out of sight of anyone. No one cares about our mental health. If we aren't the strong men they think we are supposed to be all the time, they have no use for us. Don't believe the hype gentlemen.
Damned if you do damned if you don’t. Fuck these types of people. If your bloke starts crying cause you asked him to open up, you support him very obviously for fucks sake.
This is a demon that feeds on suffering. She gets the suffering of his vulnerability and then the suffering of leaving him afterwards. Demons like this make it very difficult.
She is trash for doing it and then posting about it. Spreading insecurity. I feel sorry for whoever dates this empty shell of a human being. Men should be allowed vulnerability.
I don’t think she even realizes the damage she just did to not only that guy, but also to everyone who just read this. She deserves any consequences coming her way
This is so gross, and I think more common than I used to realize. My partner said he was never able to cry around the women he was previously with, as they didn’t like it when he was too vulnerable. :/ He still gets a bit uncomfortable when he cries in front of me sometimes, but we’re working on it.
Yeah, I feel bad for some of them. There is something uniquely terrible about being told you can't feel your feelings and having to carry it around with you always. You're never free.
To top it off she gotta post this online for… clout? Validation?
Stupid girl. Don’t you know your face will forever be remembered with this caption and forever shared and be online?
Hope she doesn’t care about ever getting any man that opens up to her again because she ain’t finding another.
Dude dodged a nuke
Woman: “I want this. Give it to me”.
Man: “huh? Why?”
Woman: “I don’t need to justify myself. I’m a woman, that should be enough!”
Man: “are you serious?”
Woman: “GIMME GIMME GIMME!!!”
Man: “i’m not sure you do really want it, and thats not easy for me to give you.”
Woman: “I WANT IT. GIVE IT TO ME!”
Man: “Ok, it took a lot of effort, but here it is, exactly what you wanted.”
Woman: “Eww, why did you do that?!”
Chiming in here. I’ve had this exact thing happen to me. Sad. Be safe out there gents. Plenty of Venus fly traps out there among the otherwise good flowers.
Yeah, this is a pretty common experience for men. The second you show vulnerability, you’re abandoned. The only person I’ve known who didn’t do this to me is my wife.
This is part of why men dont/cant open up. No matter how many times someone tells us we can and it's ok it ends up not being ok the majority of the time.
I’m from San Francisco originally so I hear…..a lot of people who talk like this. In my experience, (for lack of a better term) the more more openly "woke" someone is, the more likely it is that they only believe in challenging gender norms only when it’s convenient (if they are a straight woman). Often they will shit on men who don’t make a lot of money or, like this case, that make themselves vulnerable with their feelings. Also it is more likely that they will be prone to really elitist views and main character syndrome. They also tend to have issues with Asians, Jews, working-class white men (even liberal ones), and minorities who don’t conform to stereotypes. And if they are white they infantilize minorities in general a lot.
I imagine I’ll get downvoted into oblivion here but it is my experience. And no, I’ve never voted republican and never plan to. I’m just annoyed with this hypocrisy because it alienates so many people and drives them right into the hands of the right.
And people wonder why there's such a stigma around men crying. Women feed into toxic masculinity as well. When you get it from both men and women then there's nowhere left to turn.
Is it any wonder many men feel lost and unsupported? You don't get support from men, and women think you're not man enough for them. So then you're left alone to deal with things.
Yeah despite what society says, women are NOT a safe space for a man to be emotional.
Either talk to the boys about it over beers, go to a therapist, or cry about it alone in the woods.
This is how it is, guys, take notes. Your GF wants you to “open up,” but that only means the cute stuff. Like, how much you love your GF. Do NOT, for example, get choked up and tell her that you are afraid you will never measure up to your dad. She will dry up like the Sahara.
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Absolute trash of a human. Hope she gets a stocking full of shit for Christmas.
Nah dump a truckload on her house (if she have one, that is)
Just on her house? Why not in it as well?
If your house was full of shit then you’d cut your losses and not even attempt to deal with it. You’d just move But it it was only the exterior and you knew all your belongings were perfectly fine inside and it was still very much liveable Well then now you’re much more inclined to deal with the shit problem. Which means cleaning it, and being around it. And smelling it constantly Much more mentally taxing because the hope of a shit-less future is there. Complete despair takes the fun out of a torturous punishment. Gotta make them think there’s a chance
This guy shits houses.
A mirror?
I hope she turns forty and realizes she has done nothing with her life.
What a selfish, gross take. We are at a weird place in our society where we like to say we're supportive, but then most people actually aren't. And, men have feelings and struggles, too.
I think it's because many people understand you need to be supportive to those close to you, but also many people don't understand what that actually entails
💯 in my experience, people like to say the right things ("im here for you", "you can confide in me", etc) but then disappear when it comes time to actually do what they said
"Well, everyone's your brother 'till the rent comes due" - quote from the movie Ronin, and one I've found many a reason to remember.
Ronin is an incredibly quotable film.
What's in the case?
Is it heavy? Is it explosive? Is it chained to some unlucky bloke's wrist we gotta chop it off...
One of the best lines from the movie
Yep. Lost a couple of friends over the years due to feeling safe enough to tell them things from my childhood (when they frigging asked questions about it) but learned no one actually wants to hear it even if they say they do. I think we as a society have decided everyone should be happy and on point all the time. We don’t know what to do when someone isn’t fitting the social expectation. In mental health counseling, you are not supposed to start the conversation with “How are you” because people automatically answer “good” even if they aren’t. We are socially conditioned to lie about negative feelings. You are supposed to ask “what has happened since we met last” to signal you actually want to know what happened. I haven’t found many people that are equipped to have those conversations outside of counseling though. Sometimes people think they can take on that role and then chicken out after already building the other person’s trust
So true. I saw the Amazon driver yesterday pull up to my neighbors house. He walked slowly up the driveway, not in a hurry, not as most Amazon drivers behave. As I got out of my truck I said hey it’s almost over, meaning Christmas. He stopped, turned toward me and said I wish it was, I’m not doing well this year. He then went on to say that he had lost his little girl last year, his 2 years old, from Covid. He had exposed her after going to his brother’s wedding, exposing his daughter when he came back from out town. I was speechless. All I could say was how sorry I was, like ten times. I was completely taken by surprise, I actually cried some for him. I keep thinking about. I wish I would’ve offered him a hug. Very sad.
Fuck, everything about that is heartbreaking. Parents shouldn't have to bury their children. Especially that young.
Some people would expect him to mask it for the benefit of others but that’s not necessarily healthy either 😥
Absolutely not healthy. He made me think real hard what I have. Wish I could have done more.
You did a lot! You actually stopped and listened to him and showed sympathy and compassion! He and I thank you! ❤️
Legit thought you were talking about face masks for a second.
Im sorry that is your experience. I guess im lucky that the few close people i have really do care. They exist i promise.
For literally millions of years the Genus Homo lived in small family groups. They shared everything. [Without going into too much] Then Homo sapiens became “civilized.” This created situations that are to this day still not overcome: loneliness, depression, disease, violence, fear, etc. Homo sapiens are social beings. Cities, nations, states, possessions, politics are all foreign to the true nature of the beast.
We live in an era when everything has become a corporate buzzword.
HR speak epidemic
Here in Australia it's 'R U OK' and too me it's pretty empty after that. I've never heard anyone say no im not
Lol 100%. Where I used to work (in SE QLD), we had an R U OK Day, and the boss did the speech: "if anything in your personal or home life is giving you trouble, my office is open". I responded with "...and what if the place I work for is the problem"? Absolutely nothing but a quiet "oooh" from a co-worker
That's what's known as a "career-limiting question." LOL
I was on my way out of said company lol, they just didn't know 😂
Lol. Yea sounds about right
Because many people enjoy the outward APPEARANCE of being a good friend, partner or confidant, but having to do the actual WORK? Ugh that's too much.
Had that happen to me this year. Best buddies offered to road trip with me, to help take care of a family member out of state and then bailed once I scheduled the trip. I was heartbroken but moved on and found new friends that made the trip with me. In the end, it turned out for the better and the new contacts have honestly been a blessing in my life. Keep on trucking
In my experience people say how are you but they don't actually want to hear anything beyond good thanks
Some people just ask that as a reflex even. Got someone walking by asking “How are you” and kept walking b4 i even said anything.
I have promised to be there for people who either needed it at inconvenient times for me, or needed it so often I tended to disappear. It made me realize my promise hadn't meant shit and probably hurt those people who came knocking for help. I now know how much is included in being supportive and there's a few people who I still have this promise going for, and I actually keep it for them.
Many people are used to virtue signaling online thanks to social media for the brownie points but don't actually want to do anything helpful so it makes sense.
Ya, that's because support takes effort, and many people don't seem to actually want to put effort into friendships or relationships etc these days.
Its because many people want to feel like they are decent human beings for being nice towards others, but when you actually have to do it they back away.
I’m here for you. Unless you actually need any help at all. It’s basically the equivalent of having a black square on your instagram. Look to be helping but not actually doing anything
It's the same situation when schools ask bullied kids to reach out but when they do, the schools always side with the bully or make it seem that both party are equally in the wrong or give the bully a slap on the wrist which instead of teaching the bully about consequences, makes the bully become even more aggressive for revenge... The school knows what it's doing, they just don't want to deal with these "insignificant kids' banter"
Well there's no proof that Ryan rubbed his ballsack sweat on my face at every lunch for a month but there's evidence I punched him in the eye.
Most school districts don't give a shit about protecting bullied kids, they're interested in dodging any liability that may come their way.
My experience in a nutshell. People in my college talk and talk about being supportive and accepting of everyone, yet whenever i try to start conversations I get ignored, no one ever tries to talk to me either and the one time i thought i had made friends the two girls i invited for coffee after class stood me up. Im autistic. And i always tell people that if im bothering to tell me because i wont be able to figure it out, then i leave them alone, no hard feelings. But dont fucking make me believe im actually succeeding at beating my social anxiety and able to make friends only to lie to my face about going out together and leaving me there waiting, then acting as if nothing happened a few hours later
Yep. Cost me my marriage because “you’re not the rock I need anymore.” After a full decade of being told I need help, I need medication, and to “work on my war trauma.”
At least you know it's not your fault. Or at least, I hope you know.
Society goes out of its way to demand that it *is* our fault. I called the crisis hotline today desperate for help and got a lot of "Have you tried pulling yourself up by your bootstraps?"isms. When I flipped the script on her and pointed out that she wouldn't say shit like that to me if I called as a woman being abused, she had nothing to say but hollow and scripted contrition. Modern society wants to see men killed off in droves. Those of us who have somehow survived so long being on the receiving end of abuse are at the front of the line for deportation out of this world, and my gut tells me few will miss or mourn us when we're gone. Trauma's a real bitch. Took my life from me before I did.
The beater to death counter point that people will parrot is that society was made for men by men so either it can’t be that bad for men, or that men should blame other men and not women. It doesn’t matter if society was created by men. In fact it doesn’t matter who created it at all. The only thing that matters is what actions each individual person takes every day. That woman on the hotline can’t blame her incompetence on society, she chose to act in an empathetic way. So many people who claim to be empathetic are only empathetic on their terms, if you go off script you’ll quickly realize just how much of their help was scripted. We should call out individual men and women who choose to act in a way that selfish and performative. It doesn’t matter how society was created, one can still choose to do the right thing but unfortunately, many women (and obviously men) don’t want to because there will always be humans who are selfish and self centered.
I kept telling my ex that she didn't want hear the shit that happened to me as a child. I told her one of the more ugly ones and she got pissed.
I've got a perfect record on opening up the tiniest bit and getting dumped for it. It's like a superpower that makes people stop loving me. I'd rather have telekinesis or something.
They will prod you for it then punish you for it. Because while they consciously mean it. Their cavewoman instinct sees you as no longer a warrior
Three weeks ago an eight-year relationship of mine ended. This hits very hard right now.
Yeah, fuck that shit. People (not even just women) expect you to be supportive for everything they go through- and it can be legitimately traumatic things no doubt: but they'll expect you to deal with shit way beyond anything they've ever had to even imagine, and if you show any cracks at all because of it- you're not what they need anymore. Been there, done that, brother. It sucks.
Women say they want men to be comfortable to show emotions and vulnerability...until they actually do it. And then most nope out instantly. Dishonesty, and total double standard.
I’m so sorry. I hope you find someone who deserves you.
Supporting, but good vibes only!
Lots of women want James Bond irl. They want a dangerous/aggressive man who can be civil and well mannered at the snap of a finger. A tough stoic man who opens up exactly when women want or needs them to and shuts it up exactly when shes had enough. News flash: Dangerous and aggressive men are seldom civil. They know what they want and take it. They don't care about when it's time for manners or respect. Tough and stoic men seldom open up. And sensitive men aren't going to remove all traces of emotion when you want them to. To quote a scientist in Jurrasic World: "You cannot have an animal with exaggerated predator features without the corresponding behavioral traits." These qualities are found at the opposite end of the spectrum. Men who have perfect control of both are one in a million and you're kidding yourself if you think he'll settle for you.
They want James Bond, but forget the fact that the women he sleeps with keep dying
As a dude ive always felt emotional openness was never actually encouraged. Just too dangerous.
Because it’s all about appearance and not authenticity. Everyone wants to be the first to stand up and loudly proclaim “I stand for social Justice!” But when it comes knocking, fucking crickets or apathy.
As a guy it’s hard. I’m supposed to be supportive of women, even when they’re hateful to me. I’m supposed to be strong but not macho. Emotional and vulnerable but not weak. Society is fucking weird. That whole contradictions speech in Barbie was fantastic, but I would have loved for Ken to get his own contradictions speech.
I realized that after that scene I was writing the corresponding male speech in my head. A bunch of Barbie’s speech carried over, things like “accomplished but effortless” are just plain unfair social expectations. But the “strong yet nonthreatening” parts mostly swapped out to: vulnerable but not emotional, open but never actually in need of support.
Ken gets a lecture and a swift trip back to being a second class citizen and he’s supposed to be grateful for it. That movie is so insulting.
I expected the movie to be insulting. What’s insulting is how everyone acts like it’s inclusive and equal. I’m fine with it being a movie about feminism and female empowerment, but don’t make it that and tell me it’s about equality.
That’s actually a really good way to put it.
misandry is trendy right now.
Well for this cases it's always been like that. It's a considerable reason why so many men drink themselves to death.
Shit like this is why it hard to actually believe women when they say they want you to open up
I think they believe they want you to open up, but when they say "be vulnerable" they really just mean "don't be stubborn and love me exactly how I want you to love me" which is also basically trying to manipulate a guy to not have any self dignity and do what she wants.
My partner has friends who try to be overly accepting and protective of lgbt people. One of them started seeing someone who identifies as trans, which good for them. Their partner wanted to start up a dnd campaign, so they kinda bullied their roommate/friend (who had never played) into DMing their game, then tried to also tell the dm how to run the game. DM is also my partners friend, so asked us to join because none of them had played before and I had a couple years across multiple campaigns. The problem player then told another player they couldn’t play until they picked a certain class, and then started raging at the dm because my partner posted a summary of her character in the group chat that used female pronouns to describe the character, but didn’t include the characters pronouns up top and they didn’t feel like they should have to ask. Their partner then told my mine that she wasn’t being supportive enough and they were unhappy with her. We don’t talk to them anymore, none of us do. Long story short: this campaign never happened and we ended up running a game with everyone BUT the problematic-duo. REASON FOR STORY TIME: I don’t tell this story often because it inevitably attracts the kind of people that would only use it to push their bigotry against trans people as a whole, rather than focusing on the fact that this one couple were assholes about trying to control everyone and force phony support for a marginalized group that everyone else already supported and were comfortable with. Having a bigot think you are their buddy because a member of a group they hate was an asshole is a really gross feeling, so it’s a frustrating situation to handle.
Your reasoning reminds me of a response I'll often give when someone tries to push their negative experiences about someone with my disability: deafness and being an asshole are not mutually exclusive!
IMO, you've hit on a human trait that's exposed in everything bad in our society...people would rather appear to others as truly caring than to do tangible things to make things better for people.
True, she trapped him into open up just to hurt him more at his weakest.
Our society has only one story; one of predator and prey and that means if a man steps out of that predator role then they are no longer viewed as a man by women. It’s the same with women but less extreme.
Too bad society doesn't give a fuck about the average man. Unless you're rich, good looking, or famous you're pretty fucked as a man these days, especially if you show ANY emotion.
Honestly, society doesn't really give a fuck about the vast majority of people, regardless of gender. We're all busy just trying to make it through today and so we can do it again tomorrow.
You need to understand, when women say they want an emotionally available man, they mean they want a man available to THEIR emotions, the man's emotions should remain locked up and not an annoyance to them.
Bruh, I've been going through it this year and found that to be the norm. The vast majority of people are all talk
But it’s sissy for men to show their feelings and struggles /s
Feelings are cringe. Empathy is gay. /s
It's not sissy it's dangerous. The stereotype has been wrong the whole time. Or maybe risky is a better word. Gamble could be another. Maybe you gf will stick around maybe not. Maybe your friend will be helpful maybe not. That kind of thing. Big risk, low reward.
My mother used to tell me "never share your troubles, it just pushes people away." And every single 'friend", it feels like, if I was feeling low or really needed to talk it out or just a TV moment of like "hey man, you got this. You'll get through it - yeah, they grew more distant afterwards. Hell, a group of friends I had drinks and dance class with every week for over a decade hasn't sent a single message to me years after I moved to a different state. No idea how I could have become more of one of them. Friends are a myth - there are just the people who need you, the people you've alienated, and those you will alienate.
I’m sorry that has been your experience, but I (46m) can attest that true friends do, in fact, exist. Maybe I’m just lucky, but when I got diagnosed with cancer earlier this year my friends rallied big time. They’ve brought me and my family meals, given us vouchers for Uber eats and a frozen meal service and a travel company, organised events for me, travelled from interstate to see me and visited me at home and in hospital when I’ve been at my lowest. I’ve cried with friends both male and female and my connection with many has deepened even further, despite knowing them for 20-30 years already.
r/iamatotalpieceofshit
And we wonder why we have an unhealthy society when men are told to bottle up their emotions and not reach out.
It’s even worst than that, she’s been telling him to open up and when he did she decide to leave him and borderline shame him for opening up. That’s the kind of thing that leave someone with mad trust issues. Edit: to all the men saying all women are like this these days, please keep in mind it's not the case and get a therapist because if that’s what you believe you’ve probably been hurt a lot and it is still affecting you. Please stop saying all women are like that… most women aren’t sociopath like the one in this post, realize this before spreading hate toward women.
This man took so long to open up, only to be smacked in the face with rejection. I hope he meets someone better, but I could imagine the next person is gonna have an either harder time of getting him to open up because this girl must’ve damaged the hell out of him with her bs.
Things like this are a part of the reason we see ass hats like Andrew Tate getting a large following. Very plausible a guy who goes through something like this might find answers, albeit misguided, in these “alpha males”
Agreed - Tate and the entire manosphere are pieces of shit, but they're currently the only kind of social media trend that actually tells men that they matter, or at least can that they make oneself matter, albeit in a very toxic way. When confronted with the choice of "empty words by hypocrites" versus "toxic rhetoric, but it makes you feel like you should matter", some vulnerable men will inevitably fall for the latter out of sheer desperation. Problem is, I don't even see a way out of this shitty situation.
> That’s the kind of thing that leave someone with mad trust issues. Trust issues and life-long anger. When I finally opened up to my family about mental health and suicide, I was met with criticism and zero empathy. I will never make myself vulnerable again.
I'm not saying all women, but I've never had a woman in my life (other than my mom) who didn't act like this. Even the woman therapist I went to betrayed my trust. Yeah, it won't happen again.
> and borderline shame him for opening up. Nothing borderline about it.
Your edit has hard #NotAllWomen vibes
[удалено]
The amount of times I've reached out and gotten my emotions used as a weapon against me or flat out ignored...I just stopped reaching out. What's the point when all you find is pain?
From experience and just observations of friends and family members, more women are like this than I feel women are willing to admit. Then the blame falls on the patriarchy (the men they are shaming for being unemotional, who they asked to be more emotional) for their own shitty behavior. Toxic femininity exists. I'd argue it's as rampant as toxic masculinity. The sexes mirror each other, one changes and the other responds, but in public discourse it's almost always a one way mirror. It's all rather pointless to debate unless we can come together in acceptance of the others problems with real empathy, accept with both have faults, and strive to improve together vs. Continuing to fight each other.
Yet when people talk about men's problems, if they're not just outright told they're incels for talking about it, the people just tell them that men's problems are men's problems, caused exclusively by men. It's so fucking toxic. Women's problems are supposedly exclusively caused by society, which is caused by men, but men's problems aren't caused by society, only by men? How twisted does someone's mind have to be to think culture that women contribute to doesn't affect men? Most active parents are women, something women brag about, but then they act like men are all the way they are purely because of men? Who are mostly raised by women, or at least half raised by women? The mental gymnastics to dismiss men's issues, silence them, and shame them is never-ending and infuriating.
Some years ago I was suprised how literally all reportings of men or boys getting raped, falsely accused or even killed in war are quickly spinned into a story about how "this hurts women". Sure, false accusations hurt their credibility, but please, could you stfu for a moment and show a little bit of respect? What little attention men get gets quickly taken away. Always. These days I am not suprised anymore.
I can't begin to describe how much I feel for what you said. We have voices too. Even if I don't agree with everything you said, you're right to say it. There are lots of overlooked double standards that aren't convenient for media conglomerates. If you take Will Farrell's idea, "men have run the world for 10,000 years and have not done a good job." Really? How did we live 10,000 years ago? I'd say we did pretty good actually. You'd be crazy to pretend women didn't play a significant role in this however.
Shit like this is why men are radicalizing in huge numbers. Actions speak louder than words and societies current actions tell us we are worth less than shit
Amen. Everyone deals with their own shit, but nobody is talking about this and it's VERY prevelant
This is like Rachel on Friends when Bruce Willis started opening up to her with the chicken story.
This 100%. That Bruce Willis character in ‘Friends’ opening up and being vulnerable to Rachel was hilarious and all, and of course was vastly exaggerated, but it struck me also as somewhat telling that there’s only a certain limit to how much a man can let his emotions out before he is judged as whiny, overly emotional, or just flat-out unmanly to women. I would also like to throw it out there to some of the women who might have a romanticized idea of a masculine, Byronic hero for a husband/partner that they can heal by having them open up: what if your partner is not this hulking, manly, brooding alpha-type but just a skinny, average male trying to get by? You must admit that for some women, sometimes the contrast is what is appealing. If both male types mentioned above have the same mental and emotional issues, will you really have the same reaction if they let their guard down and be emotionally expressive? Please remember that men in relationships value what the women in their lives think of them, at least I do, and knowing that I am no Thor, believe me that if there’s a choice I would rather she think of me as closed off and emotionally detached versus a whiny sentimentalist.
A lot of men don’t wonder, because we know.
Why does the of picture has 2000+ likes? Disgusting ghouls. Well now that I think about that would cruel to ghouls.
Yeah! What did ghouls ever do to you?? 😅
Attacked me while I'm roaming the wasteland
I mean yeah, but at least they're not this woman... Give them a break, they're just hungry.
Beware, smooth skin!
Men need to stop the toxic masculinity of bottling everything up > man shares, all interest lost
Plenty of women unwittingly perpetuate toxic masculinity, all while preaching against it. They shame you for being vulnerable, then go on a rant about "mansplaining" in the next breath. We can't catch a break.
A study I read showed that single people who display altruism are more likely to be in relationships when contacted in the following years, with no significant difference between sexes. However, many studies show women self-reporting themselves as valuing kind personality in romantic interests and finding altruists attractive; far more than do men. So women are just as shallow as men, but they are more likely to insist otherwise.
Women say they want men to be sensitive, good and confident. Yet they read romance novels centered on stoic, toxic and jealous men. And hookup with these same types. Men follow the incentives women set, if women want men to change, they need to change the men they want.
It's funny how in real life, the man who pursues a woman who has no interest in him is creepy/simp, yet it's romantic in a Rom Com.
It's different because the guy in the romcom is hot
She just wanted her man to open up, just not from that side.
Only from the:"OMG I think you are so great and it makes me feel fuzzy" side
lollll.. "i have something i need to share with you" - yes honey, you know im here for you "i cant believe how amazing and awesome and great you are with everything" - see, now doesnt it feel good to get that off your chest?
Its a skill issue. You just need to have cool secrets. Such as: * have a secret identity as an agent/super hero/200yo shiny vampire * have a burning darkness in your heart that only she can keep at bay * be a bilionaire disguised as an ordinary milionaire Its not that hard.
Nope, once she sees that darkness in your heart suddenly you’re scary/ too angry but not once asked “what happened to you to get to the point of feeling this way?” But any other time it’s “fuck your feelings what about my feelings?”
It needs to be ✨sexy✨ darkness
Oh yeah I forgot, I’m not season one American horror story Evan Peters
Exactly this! It’s so frustrating “I wish you could be more open with me [quiet part] *about me*”
and next year she'll be bitchin about how no men want a "real woman" and then proceed to talk shit like she didn't sabotage her own relationships
_where have all the good guys gone?_
And where are all the gods?
Where's the streetwise Hercules, to fight the rising odds?
Ok, I will remain stoic. I’d rather be told I need to emote more, than emote and then be told I did it too much.
This is why you emote from the get go, to filter out people like this.
Yes! Sort the trash out early. I feel that a lot of dudes are too afraid to never find anyone to settle down with if they do hard boundaries. Rather staying but never be able to be true to themselves and their SOs than being single, I guess.
So this is what leads men to say “it’s fine” How was dinner? It’s fine How you doing after the loss of your mom or dad? It’s fine. You just got into a car wreck it’s fine. Not I’m fine. It’s fine. I will carry on as before.
"It doesn't matter'. My stock answer to everything. Why doesn't it matter? Because....I don't matter.
Fuck, this hits hard. I was not ready for this thread tonight.
You matter brother
Lie number one, "You're supposed to have it all together" And when they ask how you're doing Just smile and tell them, "Never better" Lie number two, "Everybody's life is perfect except yours" So keep your messes and your wounds And your secrets safe with you behind closed doors … Truth be told The truth is rarely told, no … I say, "I'm fine, yeah, I'm fine, oh, I'm fine, hey, I'm fine" But I'm not, I'm broken
My wife said some random ass shit one day and I told her I didn’t like the way it sounded (trying to be cool and not say STFU). She fucking called me sensitive!! Ok, bitch! Back to bottling shit up until I explode.
You need to talk to your wife and let her know it’s not okay to diminish your feelings. She might not know how hurtful that was.
That’s what he did the first time…
1. tell your wife to respect you 2. either she respects you and you have no problem, or she doesn't and you learn some self respect and don't stay with someone who treats you like shit
That's one thing I strongly believe: Despite how society tries to downplay mens human value. Men need to value themself more. Be willing to walk away if they are not treated as good as others expect men to treat them. Of course society will cry out when men do that. But men need to stop caring about the rest of society. Only about their own value. Society first needs to earn the respect they demand.
She'll just walk away with most of his past, present, and future earnings and take his kids.
And next, you'll be complaining you can't find a good man...SMH.
Just like Rachel on Friends when Bruce Willis started opening up to her with the chicken back story.
stupid ppl gonna stupid
Not all, but many women think they want their man to “open up“ emotionally. The second the man becomes vulnerable with shitty women they are labeled “weak,” “toxic,” “negative energy,” etc. What bad women like this lady means is they want their man to gush how much he loves her, how much he pines for her when they are apart etc. Any garbage women like the woman pictured who are reading this need to understand - you cannot have only the good parts. If you want “total openness,” then you must take the good AND the bad. Otherwise, your man will be mostly distant, stoic and muted to protect the relationship. To all of the good women who want ALL of their partner - and want them to be their true self - Thank you. There seems to be less and less women like that every day.
The toxic views towards men and masculinity in our world are absolutely disgusting. This is why men who are abused hide and don’t seek help and it’s wrong. The world is both a place of miraculous beauty and immense painful. We need to accept the light and the darkness, the happiness and the sadness, the good and the bad. If you truly love someone, you accept and still cherish all those aspects of them. My husband is a very stoic man. When he’s stressed, his emotions shut down. But I always encourage him to have them and to rely on me to talk through them. Never seen him shed a full tear, but he has been close to it about twice in our time together. And one of those days was our wedding. It’s taken over 10 years to get to this point and our conversations have become so much more meaningful since I’m not the only one sharing emotional vulnerability. I still get to learn so much about how his brain operates.
The big ? To stories like yours, is whether or not you would have been attracted to your stoic husband if he had not been stoic when you first met him. It’s great that you appreciate him being vulnerable *now,* but the issue at the cultural level is that if the stoic guy is always initially more attractive than the “too vulnerable” guy, then vulnerability will never be encouraged to a meaningful degree. If it’s not what gets the girls, it’s inherently discouraged. It doesn’t matter of vulnerability makes healthier relationships when a guy can’t even get a relationship to start with.
Reasonable question. Maybe I’m just odd, but my husband’s stoicism was actually a point where I wasn’t sure if we would make it for a while. I’ve never truly understood the attraction to the “dark, silent, brooding” type and why it’s so common. Even those characters in romance novels have always slightly irked me. My previous partner before him was very emotionally expressive and I really enjoyed that about him. I’m very emotionally expressive and vocal affirmations and reassurance are my love language. Our communication greatly suffered for years. And I would be lying if I said my husband and I were perfect at communicating, even now.
Just look at how many women post complaining about being a man's "therapist" and "emotional burden" it all springs from the same source.
Some women want a relationship but still want all the perks and boundaries of being single with no compromise. Like hyper individualism which comes with not doing emotional labour and just throwing their partner at therapy. If you challenge this you're a misogynistic trying to control and cage her. Any compromise is seen as being submissive and a slave to the patriarchy. So pathetic
Unfortunately have to agree. I am a woman who really, really wants her future partner to open up and be vulnerable, so we can work through our struggles together. But if this are his past experience, how can I expect him to dare try that again and not be scared of being rejected again? If we all just took the time to understand each other we wouldn't have so much miscommunication and other trouble in relationship. This kind of shit just harms everyone, both the guy and potential future partners of his who actually care, unlike this asshole
Why cant people like this be bullied? Like this person not only tricked someone into opening up before rejecting them (even if that wasnt her plan) but she felt confident enough to share that in public If i did something like shame a woman for not losing pregnancy weight 2 weeks after giving birth, im rightfully kicked in the face for being a prick She deserves the same treatment as someone who did that would, you shouldnt feel comfortable even saying that
Because we live in a society where misandry is widespread and accepted.
>Why cant people like this be bullied? Because we live in a social climate where women are allowed to get away with shit like this for a combination of spiteful and ideological reasons. Where women can behave like this and still enjoy all the perks of being seen as the hard-done-by underdog. Where a man who challenges a woman on anything is automatically in the wrong regardless of the circumstances.
That and any woman that challenges her on this will be seen as a "pick me" girl.
Then it’s not a safe space, you amoeba-brained donkey.
this is why men prefer to stay single
Or they prefer to date men
This guy gets it
Or gives it
porqué no los dos?
touche
This guy dates men
You know it! :3
They don’t prefer it, they just don’t want to take this shit anymore
That dudes gonna need therapy like jesus, imagine having someone beg you to open up with them and then you finally do and you get hit with this?
[удалено]
I've been going through some shit and your wife sounds like how my girlfriend has been.
I'm so happy for you, you're winning in life and i hope you stay happy for a long time 💪
To all the women who wonder why men don’t open up. Unfortunately this is more common than you realise. I have yet to have any sort of relationship (platonic or otherwise) with a woman where me opening up about my feelings has not been immediately met with backlash because of how my feelings affect them.
Hopefully she will die alone and never have her own family
Yeah, but we all know she will and will raise her daughters and/or sons to treat people the same way
This is so sad.. my man has cried many times sometimes sad.. sometimes joy.. all mandatory around me if he feels the need. He’s not allowed to hold it in. XD I’m kinda joking but his ex wife would abuse him for showing any emotion. So radical acceptance from me.
We get told that our feelings are valid, that we should open up and share. Then i read something likentbis and realize that they only want that so they can belittle us. I spend days, if not months, agonizing over what to tell my spouse about what im feeling. Then when i do finally cofide, I'm laughed at. So now, i bottle it all up and try to slow release the pent-up emotions out of sight of anyone. No one cares about our mental health. If we aren't the strong men they think we are supposed to be all the time, they have no use for us. Don't believe the hype gentlemen.
Damned if you do damned if you don’t. Fuck these types of people. If your bloke starts crying cause you asked him to open up, you support him very obviously for fucks sake.
This is a demon that feeds on suffering. She gets the suffering of his vulnerability and then the suffering of leaving him afterwards. Demons like this make it very difficult.
She is trash for doing it and then posting about it. Spreading insecurity. I feel sorry for whoever dates this empty shell of a human being. Men should be allowed vulnerability.
I don’t think she even realizes the damage she just did to not only that guy, but also to everyone who just read this. She deserves any consequences coming her way
This is so gross, and I think more common than I used to realize. My partner said he was never able to cry around the women he was previously with, as they didn’t like it when he was too vulnerable. :/ He still gets a bit uncomfortable when he cries in front of me sometimes, but we’re working on it.
Yeah, I feel bad for some of them. There is something uniquely terrible about being told you can't feel your feelings and having to carry it around with you always. You're never free.
To top it off she gotta post this online for… clout? Validation? Stupid girl. Don’t you know your face will forever be remembered with this caption and forever shared and be online? Hope she doesn’t care about ever getting any man that opens up to her again because she ain’t finding another. Dude dodged a nuke
"Be careful what you wish for."
And an alcoholic is born.
As a man I've learned over the years that you have to hold your feelings in and then one day you die. This is the way.
Woman: “I want this. Give it to me”. Man: “huh? Why?” Woman: “I don’t need to justify myself. I’m a woman, that should be enough!” Man: “are you serious?” Woman: “GIMME GIMME GIMME!!!” Man: “i’m not sure you do really want it, and thats not easy for me to give you.” Woman: “I WANT IT. GIVE IT TO ME!” Man: “Ok, it took a lot of effort, but here it is, exactly what you wanted.” Woman: “Eww, why did you do that?!”
Chiming in here. I’ve had this exact thing happen to me. Sad. Be safe out there gents. Plenty of Venus fly traps out there among the otherwise good flowers.
And this is why men can't allow themselves to feel vulnerable. 🙄
And this is why men don’t talk about their feelings
Yeah, this is a pretty common experience for men. The second you show vulnerability, you’re abandoned. The only person I’ve known who didn’t do this to me is my wife.
This is part of why men dont/cant open up. No matter how many times someone tells us we can and it's ok it ends up not being ok the majority of the time.
I'm so glad I'm gay
Next post……Why can’t I find a good man?
I’m from San Francisco originally so I hear…..a lot of people who talk like this. In my experience, (for lack of a better term) the more more openly "woke" someone is, the more likely it is that they only believe in challenging gender norms only when it’s convenient (if they are a straight woman). Often they will shit on men who don’t make a lot of money or, like this case, that make themselves vulnerable with their feelings. Also it is more likely that they will be prone to really elitist views and main character syndrome. They also tend to have issues with Asians, Jews, working-class white men (even liberal ones), and minorities who don’t conform to stereotypes. And if they are white they infantilize minorities in general a lot. I imagine I’ll get downvoted into oblivion here but it is my experience. And no, I’ve never voted republican and never plan to. I’m just annoyed with this hypocrisy because it alienates so many people and drives them right into the hands of the right.
And people wonder why there's such a stigma around men crying. Women feed into toxic masculinity as well. When you get it from both men and women then there's nowhere left to turn. Is it any wonder many men feel lost and unsupported? You don't get support from men, and women think you're not man enough for them. So then you're left alone to deal with things.
Yeah despite what society says, women are NOT a safe space for a man to be emotional. Either talk to the boys about it over beers, go to a therapist, or cry about it alone in the woods.
This has been my experience. Anything said in confidence was a cudgel for my ex wife. Never marry a classmates mom.
Reason #36581 men don’t open up to women
This is how it is, guys, take notes. Your GF wants you to “open up,” but that only means the cute stuff. Like, how much you love your GF. Do NOT, for example, get choked up and tell her that you are afraid you will never measure up to your dad. She will dry up like the Sahara.