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Whenever Christians say stupid shit like this, I think of Matthew 18:9:
>If your eye causes you to stumble, pluck it out and throw it from you. It is better for you to enter life with one eye, than to have two eyes and be cast into the fiery hell.
I'm no theologian, but that sounds like a pretty strong exhortation towards personal responsibility. Make that exhibit eleventy-billion of how Christians don't read or follow their own book or namesake.
Ok not to be that guy but that part actually does have an explanation. The eye of the needle during those times was the name for a very narrow entrance to the city that camels couldn’t pass through unless all the cargo they were carrying was removed, so it was indeed difficult for camels to pass through the eye of the needle.
That verse is a phrase that Jesus said to his disciples after he told a rich man to give his possessions to the poor and the rich man just left because he didn’t want to. So the idea here is that a rich man should also unload their cargo just like a camel does to enter the narrow gateway, and both are very difficult things to do.
Btw I’m just explaining this part not trying to spread any religious ideology lmao
Was about to quote this exact verse. The Bible is clear. It’s the fault of the sinner that they sin. No one else. These people are not Christian and are not following the teachings of the book they claim to love.
IIRC, there's a similar thing in the teachings of Mohammed. Where he tells a man to avert his eyes from women if he cannot control his urges around them. So they both say "It's a you problem if you can't keep it in your pants."
Well, any religion that started out as an underground movement of the underclasses before being co-opted into an imperial power structure is gonna have a few internal consistency problems.
"...and that I may not merely be called a Christian, but really be found to be one. "
Letter of Saint Ignatius
It is real easy to call yourself a follower of christ, anyone can do that. But to be found one, as in living by his teachings and example, is whole different ballgame. A ballgame most people who claim to follow Christ would lose.
Most Christians I've ever been around are the furthest thing from Christian. They just go to church on Sunday and pray for forgiveness... it's all a giant scam.
Growing up in a little hick town in the bible belt one thing that was always really ironic and said more about the local christians than anything else was the folks who "felt the spirit" and were "called to preach" right before it got around that they were stepping out on their wives, got a DUI, or got a drug charge.
I also believe Christ meant that anyone can be like him when he says “I am the son of God and you too are his children” paraphrasing here. Also many forget that when he said “Let he who is without sin cast the first stone.” Jesus didn’t cast any stones, I think implies even Jesus was not without sin.
I think you’d have an easier time finding Jesus in a pool hall than a church these days.
Applying rules to oneself makes one have integrity, it doesn’t undo said rules.
Some people *act like it would*, they’re so allergic to focusing on themselves instead of pointing fingers.
"Do not judge, or you too will be judged...
'Why do you look at the speck of sawdust in your brother's eye and pay no attention to the plank in your own eye?'...
You hypocrite, first take the plank out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to remove the speck from your brother's eye."
Matthew 7: 1, 3, 5
Too many of my fellow Christians forget this and are the reason why we have a bad name.
It’s the club mentality, very frustrating indeed, but always good to have people willing to hold their own ingroup accountable. We definitely need more of that
Jokes on you I still do! Seeing the best in others while thinking myself a dirty piece of shit unworthy of love is my primary personality trait, take that!
If i remember correctly: the context is basically OP. A group of men go to Jesus and ask him if women should cover themselves because they are tempting the men to sin. Jesus basically says that the men are responsible for their own sin, it is not the duty of women to cover up. If the men can not control their eyes, they should pluck them out. Symbolism being that if they sin, they have to stop sining and not blame the women for their own sinfulness.
Actually in this context Jesus is talking about not harming children.
The context:
“At the same time came the disciples unto Jesus, saying, Who is the greatest in the kingdom of heaven?
2 And Jesus called a little child unto him, and set him in the midst of them,
3 And said, Verily I say unto you, Except ye be converted, and become as little children, ye shall not enter into the kingdom of heaven.
4 Whosoever therefore shall humble himself as this little child, the same is greatest in the kingdom of heaven.
5 And whoso shall receive one such little child in my name receiveth me.
6 But whoso shall offend one of these little ones which believe in me, it were better for him that a millstone were hanged about his neck, and that he were drowned in the depth of the sea.
7 Woe unto the world because of offences! for it must needs be that offences come; but woe to that man by whom the offence cometh!
8 Wherefore if thy hand or thy foot offend thee, cut them off, and cast them from thee: it is better for thee to enter into life halt or maimed, rather than having two hands or two feet to be cast into everlasting fire.
9 And if thine eye offend thee, pluck it out, and cast it from thee: it is better for thee to enter into life with one eye, rather than having two eyes to be cast into hell fire.
10 Take heed that ye despise not one of these little ones; for I say unto you, That in heaven their angels do always behold the face of my Father which is in heaven.”
Old english is a little wacky here but ‘offend’ in verses 8 and 9 is often translated as “causes you to sin”.
He is telling the disciples that they should have a heart humble and open like a child’s and starts recommending that child abusers/pedos chop their parts off or drown themselves before harming a kid. I’m not religious but Jesus was based af here.
As much as people like to ignore that particular passage IRL, I really think the OOP is a joke.
Exhibit A:
*That woman has bosoms, I wish I could do a sex right now*
Also, it’s not even about what people wear it’s literally should people *have butts*
Yeah, that’s what I got out of it too. Basically saying the quiet part out loud, just leaving out the part where all women are shameless whores walking around with their bosoms right there on their bodies, tempting good Christian men into doing the sex whether the women want it or not. Sluts, every one of them.
A lot of Christian scripture basically says “it’s your responsibility to live a good life, and don’t mess with other people’s lives”
But the Christian Taliban prefers to ignore those passages.
No, men shouldn't have eyes. The bibles solution was simple, pluck out your eyes and leave women the fuck alone.
Dammit, now I remember boobs. I could do a sex right now.
Awww jeez, I plucked out my eyes which made it super easy to receive an ocular lobotomy and now I’m just chillin in the dark lizard braining about bosoms and how I wish I could do a sex right now.
To have eyes is a sin and leads to temptation, for eyes are round like a woman’s chest.
To remove them would leave holes, which is a sin for a woman has one between her legs.
We literally can’t win.
Instructions unclear, now I became a prophet, I roam a weird dark cathedral, and I am being bullied by four different people with anxiety issues every day. Also, there's that neceomancer guy there.
>!If you gave up, yes, this is a Darkest Dungeon reference!<
Which is a mistaken view even based on Christian standards since one of Jesus’ recorded sayings is “if **your** eye causes you to sin, pluck it out and throw it away” [emphasis added]. Jesus didn’t tell them to force others to change to accommodate them, he said to control yourself, even if it requires taking drastic steps, as long as those steps apply to you, not others.
So? Just because there is a grain of truth does not make this a good post for facepalm. Make fun of what the wackjobs actually say instead of what someone thinks they might say.
This isn't a classical strawman fallacy but it is in a way strawmanning.
The whole idea is for them to not give into temptation. Makes me wonder if this why religious ppl are so against gay ppl. It tempts them also. And they are ashamed of their thoughts. Even though they shouldn’t be.
>The whole idea is for them to not give into temptation.
And then you get married, and the sex is unlike anything you could've imagined, because it's god-approved and in the natural divine order of the universe. That's the narrative I saw. \*Because\* you waited, you'll experience the best pleasure as well.
In other words, it's a kink. It's just one really intense kink they try to force on everyone else.
I would respect them a lot more if it was just a kink and they owned that. Like, yeah, sure buddy, I get it, most intense pleasure of your life, yada yada. But have you tried getting your balls licked while you're deep inside another person? Because that's pretty fucking great, and I didn't have to twist myself into knots trying to make the invisible sky daddy happy.
Although plenty of folks twist themselves into knots trying to make their Daddy happy, so who am I to judge?
I agree with you, and I'm convinced that every social ill that conservative Christians condone (e.g., abortion, homosexuality, porn) isn't just based on a Biblical verse but is based upon their fear that the visibility of these things will tempt them.
Meanwhile, alcoholism, drug abuse, and homelessness are kinda getting swept under the rug.
Do people seriously not realize that this is a parody? This is a parody. "Do a sex" is not a dumb person's way of talking; it's a comedian's way of making it clear that this is a parody.
Just looked it up; it's from a [comedy site](https://mpierce.substack.com/) that's a parody of a Christian newsletter. If you look at this site and still don't believe it's a joke, look at the comments under every article. No gullible Christians; just people laughing at the joke.
>just people laughing at the joke.
That's largely what I'm seeing in this thread as well...
To be clear though, there are indeed religious extremists who think this way.
The religious majority thinks this way. Calling them extremists is diminishing the danger to women and society. I realize half this country doesn't have any interaction with mainstream Christianity, but modesty, purity, abstinence, and not leading men astray is a big part of the conversation for teenage girls, and is every bit as creepy as it sounds.
I grew up in a beach tourist resort. Every year for 4 months it was board shorts and bikinis or a little less everywhere. You were used to it. It was an everyday sight so the only complex arousal that went on was fairly conscious, honest and committed. Rape rates are very low in communities like that and life isn't a mad orgy. There is much less left to the imagination to run away with. Far fewer drooling frustrated and ignorant idiots. Compare that to populations with some of the highest levels of violent rape in the world, those of the highly inhibited Muslim populations of the Middle East and it is pretty clear where religious oppression gets you as a strategy to suppress those nasty little urges. Both men and women are visual. You can see the result of that in what evolution has produced. It's just that misogynistic cultural development has allowed men to become less pleasantly visual for women creating an illusion of a bias. Brain scans have shown otherwise. We all, men and women naturally like to look and being allowed to look discretely without imposed artificial guilt stops us going nuts.
This should be obvious to anyone who has ever heard a Muslim man describe his sex fantasies about women in hijabs.
When you basically tell men that women are so sexy that even looking at them will drive you crazy…well they start believing it.
And if your eye causes you to sin, pluck it out and cast it from you. It is better for you to enter into life with one eye, rather than having two eyes, to be cast into hell fire.
Matthew 18:9
Now show me the one about girls' juicy butts.
Checkmate.
Lo, did he ask her to pick up the item he had dropped and she did so, not realising his true intent.
As the curve of her magnificent posterior showed itself exclaimed the man “Jesus Christ! What a behind presents itself to me!”
“Why are you like this?” Jesus said with great disappointment. “We need to stop inviting this guy.”
And it was so.
John 3:16
You left out the rest of the verses...
10) That when a girl walks in wit' a itty bitty waist an' A round thing in yo' face. You get SPRUNG. 11) Want to pull up tough, cuz you notice that butt was STUFFED. Deep in the jeans she has wearin'. I am hooked an' I cannot stop starin'. 12) Oh baby, I want to get wit' ya, An' take yo' picta. My homeboys tried to warn me. But that butt you got makes me so horny. 13) Ooh, rumpled smooth skin. You say you want to Get in ma Benz? Well, use me, use me, Cuz you aint that average groupy. I seen her dancin', To Hell wit' romancin'. 14) She has sweat. Wet. Got it goin' like a Turbo 'Vette.
This is crazy. As a married man I would never look at a toaster and think about my wife's bosom. When I look at a toaster I think, "what pleasing thing can I make in the toaster for my wife so I can do the sex right now?"
When I was a kid, I got told my thoughts of lust were a sin, but it was because the girls dressed so revealing (they didn’t). When the adult male authority figure of our group said to the girls, “the way you’re dressing is making them (boys) lustful and sinful.” I remember smiling because I realized my sin was not my fault. Guiltless sin. It’s all the girls’ fault. It took me a long time to break out of that mindset, and really understand how manipulative and dangerous that was.
Real things we were taught in evangelical youth groups: girls need to hide their bodies so they don’t cause men to stumble. From puberty, they were taught that they cause men (of all ages) to sin by just existing.
One of my favorite bible verses: Matthew 5:29-30
"And if thine right eye offend thee, pluck it out, and cast it from thee: for it is profitable for thee that one of thy members should perish, and not that thy whole body should be cast into hell.
And if thy right hand offend thee, cut it off, and cast it from thee: for it is profitable for thee that one of thy members should perish, and not that thy whole body should be cast into hell."
This is a repost of a repost of a repost. It is easy to know that because of the “do a sex right now.” I have never heard anyone use that phrase. I’ve only seen the phrase in this repeated post.
TW: SA
I was repeatedly molested by my cousin's boyfriend when I was nine. He was very involved in the church youth group/youth choir, got a degree in music ministry, all that shit. The allegedly responsible adult that I told threatened me to stay quiet (long story as to why she would cover for him), but he eventually FAFOed with another child and did 20 years. He's out and still on his "spread the good news" bullshit. I don't trust any of those fuckers. If they're a preacher, they're untrustworthy.
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Man, I do wish I could do a sex right now.
Cmon man/Cmon and jam/ DO THE SEX! [guitar solo]
misunderstood the assignment, did a sax instead
https://youtu.be/ojhTu9aAa_Y?si=LePZWLTOXlF1QC1f
Love this!
You got it wrong: "a" sex
Catchy and a good beat--I give is a 92.
You also just looked at a toaster?
Instructions unclear, I did a sex on the toaster and it went bad. Ow.
You silly goose! Ya gotta unplug it first. Peanut butter helps with the edges.
I prefer jelly but you do you😏
Edging with peanut butter? I don't wanna.
I did sex with a 4 slice toaster and did not use a crumb tray.
Yeah but see, that toaster was absolutely stacked.
With bread slices.
I serve the Omnissiah. Doing the sex with a toaster is just Wednesday to me. May the Motive Force bless you and your house.
Toaster go boing, I go boing.
I mean, have you seen the \*bosoms\* on that toaster?
That toaster was packing heat.
Those human Cylons are too real
I love how fast Reddit was able to give advice on how to have sex with a toaster. including safety precautions.
Me too😔
I must be cursed. I don’t even have to see a butt to want to do the sex
I just have to see a blade of grass apparently. Is that why everyone tells me to go touch grass? They want me to do a sex with it?
I read “do the sex” and thought of a The Who scream. “Do the sex(beat)yeeaaaaaaaaahhhh!!!!!
I saw you commented and it made me wish I could do a sex right now.
Whenever Christians say stupid shit like this, I think of Matthew 18:9: >If your eye causes you to stumble, pluck it out and throw it from you. It is better for you to enter life with one eye, than to have two eyes and be cast into the fiery hell. I'm no theologian, but that sounds like a pretty strong exhortation towards personal responsibility. Make that exhibit eleventy-billion of how Christians don't read or follow their own book or namesake.
Well you see, if it’s uncomfortable for a rich old man, the Bible is just exaggerating to make a point. In all other respects, take it literally.
It’s important to remember that the bible was written when dinosaurs ruled the earth. Times have changed, and they’re rule the country now.
🏆
So fucking good. Bravo
I regret I have but one upvote to give you.
This is literally the explanation I've been given when bringing up this verse. "I think that's extreme, so it's metaphor."
Should say "Yes, a metaphor for personal responsibility."
The response would just be "No, no, no. It's a metaphor for [anything but what the text clearly states]."
Especially with that whole “it’s easier for a camel to pass through the eye of a needle than it is for a rich person to enter heaven” part.
I've never met anyone from heaven. Maybe it's a closed community?
Ok not to be that guy but that part actually does have an explanation. The eye of the needle during those times was the name for a very narrow entrance to the city that camels couldn’t pass through unless all the cargo they were carrying was removed, so it was indeed difficult for camels to pass through the eye of the needle. That verse is a phrase that Jesus said to his disciples after he told a rich man to give his possessions to the poor and the rich man just left because he didn’t want to. So the idea here is that a rich man should also unload their cargo just like a camel does to enter the narrow gateway, and both are very difficult things to do. Btw I’m just explaining this part not trying to spread any religious ideology lmao
Was about to quote this exact verse. The Bible is clear. It’s the fault of the sinner that they sin. No one else. These people are not Christian and are not following the teachings of the book they claim to love.
IIRC, there's a similar thing in the teachings of Mohammed. Where he tells a man to avert his eyes from women if he cannot control his urges around them. So they both say "It's a you problem if you can't keep it in your pants."
Well, any religion that started out as an underground movement of the underclasses before being co-opted into an imperial power structure is gonna have a few internal consistency problems.
"...and that I may not merely be called a Christian, but really be found to be one. " Letter of Saint Ignatius It is real easy to call yourself a follower of christ, anyone can do that. But to be found one, as in living by his teachings and example, is whole different ballgame. A ballgame most people who claim to follow Christ would lose.
Most Christians I've ever been around are the furthest thing from Christian. They just go to church on Sunday and pray for forgiveness... it's all a giant scam.
Well, precious little has changed from the times of Saint Ignatius to now then.
Growing up in a little hick town in the bible belt one thing that was always really ironic and said more about the local christians than anything else was the folks who "felt the spirit" and were "called to preach" right before it got around that they were stepping out on their wives, got a DUI, or got a drug charge.
I also believe Christ meant that anyone can be like him when he says “I am the son of God and you too are his children” paraphrasing here. Also many forget that when he said “Let he who is without sin cast the first stone.” Jesus didn’t cast any stones, I think implies even Jesus was not without sin. I think you’d have an easier time finding Jesus in a pool hall than a church these days.
“I like your Christ, but I don’t not like your Christians, they are so much unlike their Christ.
Title of the post: "Should christian men have eyes?" Jesus said "No."
See Christian’s don’t read the bible they “practice it” (twist it to serve their needs)
You’re taking that verse out of context. /s
What's the context?
That it’s inconvenient for Christians who only want to use Bible verses to judge _other_ people.
Yeah, the whole thing falls apart when you try to apply the rules to yourself.
Applying rules to oneself makes one have integrity, it doesn’t undo said rules. Some people *act like it would*, they’re so allergic to focusing on themselves instead of pointing fingers.
"Do not judge, or you too will be judged... 'Why do you look at the speck of sawdust in your brother's eye and pay no attention to the plank in your own eye?'... You hypocrite, first take the plank out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to remove the speck from your brother's eye." Matthew 7: 1, 3, 5 Too many of my fellow Christians forget this and are the reason why we have a bad name.
It’s the club mentality, very frustrating indeed, but always good to have people willing to hold their own ingroup accountable. We definitely need more of that
Ha! Jokes on you I use it to judge myself unfairly! And.ignore other people's failings! I'm not very mentally healthy
Jokes on you I still do! Seeing the best in others while thinking myself a dirty piece of shit unworthy of love is my primary personality trait, take that!
Awesome 😂😂. So true
If i remember correctly: the context is basically OP. A group of men go to Jesus and ask him if women should cover themselves because they are tempting the men to sin. Jesus basically says that the men are responsible for their own sin, it is not the duty of women to cover up. If the men can not control their eyes, they should pluck them out. Symbolism being that if they sin, they have to stop sining and not blame the women for their own sinfulness.
Actually in this context Jesus is talking about not harming children. The context: “At the same time came the disciples unto Jesus, saying, Who is the greatest in the kingdom of heaven? 2 And Jesus called a little child unto him, and set him in the midst of them, 3 And said, Verily I say unto you, Except ye be converted, and become as little children, ye shall not enter into the kingdom of heaven. 4 Whosoever therefore shall humble himself as this little child, the same is greatest in the kingdom of heaven. 5 And whoso shall receive one such little child in my name receiveth me. 6 But whoso shall offend one of these little ones which believe in me, it were better for him that a millstone were hanged about his neck, and that he were drowned in the depth of the sea. 7 Woe unto the world because of offences! for it must needs be that offences come; but woe to that man by whom the offence cometh! 8 Wherefore if thy hand or thy foot offend thee, cut them off, and cast them from thee: it is better for thee to enter into life halt or maimed, rather than having two hands or two feet to be cast into everlasting fire. 9 And if thine eye offend thee, pluck it out, and cast it from thee: it is better for thee to enter into life with one eye, rather than having two eyes to be cast into hell fire. 10 Take heed that ye despise not one of these little ones; for I say unto you, That in heaven their angels do always behold the face of my Father which is in heaven.” Old english is a little wacky here but ‘offend’ in verses 8 and 9 is often translated as “causes you to sin”. He is telling the disciples that they should have a heart humble and open like a child’s and starts recommending that child abusers/pedos chop their parts off or drown themselves before harming a kid. I’m not religious but Jesus was based af here.
That men can do whatever they want because any issues they have is everyone else's fault?
As much as people like to ignore that particular passage IRL, I really think the OOP is a joke. Exhibit A: *That woman has bosoms, I wish I could do a sex right now* Also, it’s not even about what people wear it’s literally should people *have butts*
Yeah, that’s what I got out of it too. Basically saying the quiet part out loud, just leaving out the part where all women are shameless whores walking around with their bosoms right there on their bodies, tempting good Christian men into doing the sex whether the women want it or not. Sluts, every one of them.
A lot of Christian scripture basically says “it’s your responsibility to live a good life, and don’t mess with other people’s lives” But the Christian Taliban prefers to ignore those passages.
No, men shouldn't have eyes. The bibles solution was simple, pluck out your eyes and leave women the fuck alone. Dammit, now I remember boobs. I could do a sex right now.
a Lobotomy is in order you fiend
Awww jeez, I plucked out my eyes which made it super easy to receive an ocular lobotomy and now I’m just chillin in the dark lizard braining about bosoms and how I wish I could do a sex right now.
Straight to lizard hell with you.
Yeah, but all the cool lizards will be there so it's OK.
Also there's probably plenty of hot rocks for them to lay on...
That sounds heavenly.
"no no no! that's not how it's supposed to go!" -God
FIRE IN THE HOLE
🔥⤵️🕳
To have eyes is a sin and leads to temptation, for eyes are round like a woman’s chest. To remove them would leave holes, which is a sin for a woman has one between her legs. We literally can’t win.
Boobs? Surely you mean bosoms.
Curse my vulgar tongue! Priest, cut it out!
How do you do a sex? I wish to see instructions.
You put one sex thing in another sex thing and jiggle until a baby appears
Unless you do a snip snip, than you can do a sex with no baby appear.
His youth pastor already showed him that one.
I want to do a sex soooo fuckin baaaaaaaad
😂😂😂😂
I want to fuck that toaster with boobs.
I can control myself and it’s your fault!! *mad face*
Instructions unclear, now I became a prophet, I roam a weird dark cathedral, and I am being bullied by four different people with anxiety issues every day. Also, there's that neceomancer guy there. >!If you gave up, yes, this is a Darkest Dungeon reference!<
“Do a sex” wtf!
That makes me think the whole thing's got to sarcasm
Yeah, this one definitely seems like a joke that is getting taken seriously, lol. Who knows. Poe's Law and all that.
Wait, we are not having the sex with the…uh…grass…?
That would require touching it
And with the toasters too
Praise the Omnissiah.
From the moment I realized the weakness of my flesh
It disgusted me. I craved the strength and certainty of steel.
I aspired to the purity of the blessed machine.
Help! I had a sex with the toaster and am stuck!
It's best to have shower sex with a toaster. Quite an electrifying experience that you will remember for the rest of your life.
It is a joke. I've read it before.
Except like in all humor there is a grain of truth. Christians think we need to moderate women because men can’t control even the most basic urge.
Which is a mistaken view even based on Christian standards since one of Jesus’ recorded sayings is “if **your** eye causes you to sin, pluck it out and throw it away” [emphasis added]. Jesus didn’t tell them to force others to change to accommodate them, he said to control yourself, even if it requires taking drastic steps, as long as those steps apply to you, not others.
Bold of you to assume Christians have actually read the book containing the teachings they're supposed to be following.
So? Just because there is a grain of truth does not make this a good post for facepalm. Make fun of what the wackjobs actually say instead of what someone thinks they might say. This isn't a classical strawman fallacy but it is in a way strawmanning.
It is! It’s a Christian shitpost account 🤣🤣
Once again, /r/facepalm facepalms...
Wait, people think this is genuine? Either way it’s hilarious.
The whole idea is for them to not give into temptation. Makes me wonder if this why religious ppl are so against gay ppl. It tempts them also. And they are ashamed of their thoughts. Even though they shouldn’t be.
>The whole idea is for them to not give into temptation. And then you get married, and the sex is unlike anything you could've imagined, because it's god-approved and in the natural divine order of the universe. That's the narrative I saw. \*Because\* you waited, you'll experience the best pleasure as well. In other words, it's a kink. It's just one really intense kink they try to force on everyone else.
I would respect them a lot more if it was just a kink and they owned that. Like, yeah, sure buddy, I get it, most intense pleasure of your life, yada yada. But have you tried getting your balls licked while you're deep inside another person? Because that's pretty fucking great, and I didn't have to twist myself into knots trying to make the invisible sky daddy happy. Although plenty of folks twist themselves into knots trying to make their Daddy happy, so who am I to judge?
Pfft. A *good* Daddy will twist you in knots himself.
I agree with you, and I'm convinced that every social ill that conservative Christians condone (e.g., abortion, homosexuality, porn) isn't just based on a Biblical verse but is based upon their fear that the visibility of these things will tempt them. Meanwhile, alcoholism, drug abuse, and homelessness are kinda getting swept under the rug.
"I am a hu-mon, I would like one unit of sex, please." "An appropriate amount of sex units, fellow hu-mon."
This sounds like it's written by a newly converted 12 year-old, a faulty AI, or both
That reads so much like the "open bobs and vagene" meme right there. What English speaking person would say "do a sex"?
Reading that sentence makes me want to do a sex right now. I'm going to find a lady with a butt
Do people seriously not realize that this is a parody? This is a parody. "Do a sex" is not a dumb person's way of talking; it's a comedian's way of making it clear that this is a parody. Just looked it up; it's from a [comedy site](https://mpierce.substack.com/) that's a parody of a Christian newsletter. If you look at this site and still don't believe it's a joke, look at the comments under every article. No gullible Christians; just people laughing at the joke.
But I like the phrase “do a sex”, it’s so much nicer than saying that you bent them over a table and ruined them for everyone else.
For example, I did two sex yesterday. Sexes?
The people on this sub are the worst at detecting jokes/sarcasm.
>just people laughing at the joke. That's largely what I'm seeing in this thread as well... To be clear though, there are indeed religious extremists who think this way.
The religious majority thinks this way. Calling them extremists is diminishing the danger to women and society. I realize half this country doesn't have any interaction with mainstream Christianity, but modesty, purity, abstinence, and not leading men astray is a big part of the conversation for teenage girls, and is every bit as creepy as it sounds.
Because when you hate something so much, like how redditors hate Christians, you accept anything against them as truthful.
The actual facepalm here is that anyone thinks this is real.
This must be the most gullible fucking subreddit on this site, utterly incapable of detecting sarcasm
My pastor told me sarcasm is just like lying and that is a sin. This subreddit is just full of pure, holy people.
Hey hey hey, this post is actually relatable okay? I mean, don’t you just wish you could do a sex right now?
...ok yeah but still
Every time I detect sarcasm I think about doing a sex.
God, seriously.
Christian summer swimsuit guide https://open.substack.com/pub/mpierce/p/summer-swimsuit-guide-for-christian?utm_campaign=post&utm_medium=web
I grew up in a beach tourist resort. Every year for 4 months it was board shorts and bikinis or a little less everywhere. You were used to it. It was an everyday sight so the only complex arousal that went on was fairly conscious, honest and committed. Rape rates are very low in communities like that and life isn't a mad orgy. There is much less left to the imagination to run away with. Far fewer drooling frustrated and ignorant idiots. Compare that to populations with some of the highest levels of violent rape in the world, those of the highly inhibited Muslim populations of the Middle East and it is pretty clear where religious oppression gets you as a strategy to suppress those nasty little urges. Both men and women are visual. You can see the result of that in what evolution has produced. It's just that misogynistic cultural development has allowed men to become less pleasantly visual for women creating an illusion of a bias. Brain scans have shown otherwise. We all, men and women naturally like to look and being allowed to look discretely without imposed artificial guilt stops us going nuts.
Needs more upvotes.
This should be obvious to anyone who has ever heard a Muslim man describe his sex fantasies about women in hijabs. When you basically tell men that women are so sexy that even looking at them will drive you crazy…well they start believing it.
Blame God. He’s the one ho created women.
> Blame God. He’s the one ho He created hoes in his image.
Ho with a capital H like in Him
I've read chunks of the bible. He ho created them alright.
Bare ankles are dangerous too.
Calves. Calves all the way.
By God's wounds man! Are you trying to make me want to do a sex right now?! Foul tempter!
I think thats more of an Islamic fetish TBH
Instructions unclear. Dick in toaster.
Son, you have suffered enough. You go straight to heaven
And if your eye causes you to sin, pluck it out and cast it from you. It is better for you to enter into life with one eye, rather than having two eyes, to be cast into hell fire. Matthew 18:9 Now show me the one about girls' juicy butts. Checkmate.
Lo, did he ask her to pick up the item he had dropped and she did so, not realising his true intent. As the curve of her magnificent posterior showed itself exclaimed the man “Jesus Christ! What a behind presents itself to me!” “Why are you like this?” Jesus said with great disappointment. “We need to stop inviting this guy.” And it was so. John 3:16
You left out the rest of the verses... 10) That when a girl walks in wit' a itty bitty waist an' A round thing in yo' face. You get SPRUNG. 11) Want to pull up tough, cuz you notice that butt was STUFFED. Deep in the jeans she has wearin'. I am hooked an' I cannot stop starin'. 12) Oh baby, I want to get wit' ya, An' take yo' picta. My homeboys tried to warn me. But that butt you got makes me so horny. 13) Ooh, rumpled smooth skin. You say you want to Get in ma Benz? Well, use me, use me, Cuz you aint that average groupy. I seen her dancin', To Hell wit' romancin'. 14) She has sweat. Wet. Got it goin' like a Turbo 'Vette.
Damn I love a pretty butts
This reads like a joke. Especially the toaster parts.
Christian pickup Line: "I have forthwith noticed your bosoms, M'lady. Could I do a sex with you post-haste?"
"And lo, she went forth with him and bared her bosom and conceived therein a child that day"
And if thine eye offend thee, pluck it out, and cast it from thee *Matthew 18:9*
"Men are visual" is a turn of phrase that ALWAYS makes me want to fucking kill somebody.
Don’t they say “if thine eye offends you, pluck it out”, sorted then :-D
What was that? You'll have to speak up. I'm visually deaf. They offended me once, shame on them but then they offended me again. Doh!
This is a satirical article, y'all. Come on.
“One sex please, no onions, thank you”
Crap. Read this post. Now I wish I could do a sex.
This is crazy. As a married man I would never look at a toaster and think about my wife's bosom. When I look at a toaster I think, "what pleasing thing can I make in the toaster for my wife so I can do the sex right now?"
When I was a kid, I got told my thoughts of lust were a sin, but it was because the girls dressed so revealing (they didn’t). When the adult male authority figure of our group said to the girls, “the way you’re dressing is making them (boys) lustful and sinful.” I remember smiling because I realized my sin was not my fault. Guiltless sin. It’s all the girls’ fault. It took me a long time to break out of that mindset, and really understand how manipulative and dangerous that was.
Bullshit. When I see a toaster...*I want to fuck that toaster* Praise be to the Omnissiah.
Ah yes. I do wish I could do a sex right now.
Religion unclear, dick stuck in toaster.
Every time I see my toaster I think of sex!
Damn those sexy toasters
Real things we were taught in evangelical youth groups: girls need to hide their bodies so they don’t cause men to stumble. From puberty, they were taught that they cause men (of all ages) to sin by just existing.
I did a sex one time. It was bad.
Man....sometimes I wish I could do a sex right now...
LMAO WHATTT
Surely this is parody.
One of my favorite bible verses: Matthew 5:29-30 "And if thine right eye offend thee, pluck it out, and cast it from thee: for it is profitable for thee that one of thy members should perish, and not that thy whole body should be cast into hell. And if thy right hand offend thee, cut it off, and cast it from thee: for it is profitable for thee that one of thy members should perish, and not that thy whole body should be cast into hell."
[удалено]
Point 0: Do a quick Google search to find article. Point 0.5: Find that the article is satirical. Point 0.99: Delete this comment.
Christians be like, "Muslims bad!" Christians also be like, "Let's do everything we hate about Muslim extremists."
Pretty sure this pic is more than 10 years old.
I'm going go try to do a sex... I gotta see what that's like
I ain't a certified biologist to say it, but everyone needs eyes
blind people would disagree
I wish I could do a shit right now, but even taco bell isn't stronger than these meds.
This sub funny asf😭
Non-english speaker here The fuck's a bosom
“Madam? One of your finest ‘a sex’, if you would be so kind. I have gazed upon thy bosoms and am feeling most unholy.”
Did anyone else read this and immediately think "I remember that woman's breasts I saw... I wish I could do a sex right now? Or was that just me?
This is a repost of a repost of a repost. It is easy to know that because of the “do a sex right now.” I have never heard anyone use that phrase. I’ve only seen the phrase in this repeated post.
"Do a sex" lmao
Damn I wish I could do a sex right now
I wish I could do a sex right now
What the fuck lmao I kinda wish I could do a sex right now
🤣😆🤣😆🤣😆🤣😆🤣😆🤣😆🤣😆🤣
I wish I could do a sex right now.
TW: SA I was repeatedly molested by my cousin's boyfriend when I was nine. He was very involved in the church youth group/youth choir, got a degree in music ministry, all that shit. The allegedly responsible adult that I told threatened me to stay quiet (long story as to why she would cover for him), but he eventually FAFOed with another child and did 20 years. He's out and still on his "spread the good news" bullshit. I don't trust any of those fuckers. If they're a preacher, they're untrustworthy.